Rishabh R

Ok but @Leo Gura I also have noticed that people in life and also me ( sometimes) really have a habit of questioning other's opinions and thoughts rather than their which leads to self-sabotage. It's easier to question others assumptions than to question one's own. How is true skepticism different from the technique outlined in your episodes - The power of asking questions and Assumptions are the mother of all ---- ?

For example this happened to me months ago. I was in my college convocation taking the my college degree certificate. I was suffering due to the fact that I didn't had a job at that time. I also made an assumption that I won't get a job and will be unemployed. I questioned that assumption by - What if I'm wrong ?What would it mean if I were wrong ?Would being wrong create a better problem or a worse problem than my current problems for both myself and others ?( I picked up this practice from a book) Then 3-4 days after my convocation 2 companies came for placements and I applied to them. I got paid apprenticeship offer from both and I chose one. Right now I am doing my apprenticeship since , 4 months. So isn't tranquility as well as making progress in life a side effect of skepticism ?

@Leo Gura Is challenging one's thoughts, beleifs and assumptions even in the case of very practical matters related to survival true skepticism ? I have found that when I question my assumptions about the future by - What If I'm wrong ? my assumption turns out to be false not only in the moment but also when reality shatters my assumptions.

@bazera Yes and I had both good and bad interaction with that person in the past which lead to final rejection after which I didn't saw her.

I am a 25 year old single male who has never been in a relationship. I have been fallen into the trap unrequited feelings for women over and over again. I have read Models by Mark Manson , Dating essentials for men by Dr. Robert Glover which were helpful. However, I have approached those women in real life but was rejected by them - some actively ignored me while for some others I found that they had a boyfriend. From the place that I am coming I think that I am not the only one who has been here as my Dating journey hasn't even begun. Leo's blog post on - Women can't satisfy men makes perfect sense here but I haven't broken out of that fantasy practically but intellectually yes. As a matter of fact I need to take personal responsibility for moving on from those rejections and finding someone as well as satisfying myself on my own. However, the question remains that how can I distinguish between mature form of love and one-sided/unrequited or limerent love and not fall in the later ? Also, I have been inactive from posting on the forum from a while and I have learned the following about women,dating :- .Women value assertiveness ,emotional connection more than looks which is non-obvious for us men since we value good looks a lot .Pickup as well as naturals who teach you confidence are a good source of learning since confidence not only helps you in dating but also in other areas of life .Getting to know a woman no matter how beautiful or less beautiful she is far more important than physical attraction since relationships are influenced by personality more than just purely physical traits .No matter how many women reject you there will still be another one out there who will like you so prioritising those women who treat you decently is a sign of mental stability and longer term happiness rather than chasing those who seem attractive but treat you rudely

I was excited after seeing this post then went into thinking what it would be about .

@Leo Gura Your blog has been a goldmine of wisdom which is becoming deeper and deeper. Regarding the blog post that women cannot satisfy men it breaks the illusion of single men like me that attracting a relationship would be an eternal bliss like a sharp scissor that is used to cut clothes. I remember that once I was contemplating - What is the most wisest way to live life ? and one of the insights among many was that - Only I can fulfill myself. Thanks.

@Someone here Another great question is : How direct experience is different from concepts and imagination ?

@Shermaningeorgia You must not look up to hot women and stop putting them up on the pedestal. There's one thing you can do :Learn from them. You can learn from them that despite having good looks and many guys wanting to be with them they ( hot women ) suffer from natural ebbs and flows of life.Everybody is suffering no matter how good they look externally. People are themselves when they are alone, not in a group.Since, we have to walk our paths by ourselves the hot women have their own inner struggles in life going on.

@Leo Gura I loved the emotional reactivity post (it's gold) since I have been guilty of it but I am making progress. By the way - How to maintain my poise when criticized over and over again when the criticism is contradictory ? Is it relevant to remind oneself that criticism doesn't tell anything about me as a person but rather it is trying to point me in the correct direction.

I have a lot of insights from contemplation but I will share the ones which hit me out of nowhere. .People are irrational .People have widely different lives .The hard way is better than easy way

Yes.

@Jannes Suffering is inevitable in life no matter what you do . As per my experience as a 25 year old single and having been rejected by many girls (also seeing many relationships start and end in front of my eyes )you can improve your situation by asking yourself : What is the purpose of my suffering ? Just a bit of emotional regulation here.😂

@Miguel1 Agreed.The toughest decisions of our life carry the seed of our significant growth which improves our life trajectory.

Thinking that you are the only independent thinker in the room and others are conformist. Treating your perspective as different,sacred,in positive light while assuming other's perspective as inadequate.

Hardest decision of mine in life up until now was accepting the fact that my father needs to marry the second time after my mother passed away due to cancer. Initially I was shocked when I heard this from my father. But slowly I accepted it and I am glad that I cooperated with him since now my family life is better. Also second most difficult decision was to pursue engineering in instead of pursuing general bachelor's and master's degree in biological sciences.Now I feel that I made the right decision as it improved the trajectory of my life. ( Good decisions don't come easily) The third one - The decision to move on from a girl whom I was in one-sided infatuation in school. Was very tough. I used to close my room and cry for this girl but moving on was the ultimate game changer for me.

Haven't watched the video myself but will link it here.

She was from my class in college. Whenever we talk now on phone the conversation lasts for half an hour(30 minutes ).She asks lot of questions about me. We also talked on phone during college and face to face. In the convocation when we were getting our degree she was the one who waved hi to me when she saw me and she did this twice during convocation. There have been some girls in my past who approached me and initiated the conversation with me. Whenever I talk to a girl I too feel anxiety but I do it anyway. Recently I opened this up to a therapist and she said me to think about my good qualities atleast once while talking to people and your confidence will increase. By the way I have been on antidepressants and antipsychotics since 7 years due to anxiety after getting rejected from a girl while I was in high school. Majority of girls didn't even cared to talk to me.I am a 25 year old single now out of college and on apprenticeship. In college she was a girl who wasn't harsh with me but treated me decently when I was suffering from chronic rejection where single girls rejected me and later dated some other guy which first made me envious then resentful. I even feel extremely resentful seeing couples getting intimate. A part of me says that I have never held any girl's hand and this guy is so far ahead.Also even if I talk to a girl other guys get pissed off and try to attack me. I have watched Leo's - How to get laid series over and over again. Read Models by Mark Manson 3 times. By the way I have fear in myself that I will never find someone (I have questioned this belief ) and will get arranged married to a girl who is already experienced in dating ( Yeah I live in India ). So, Is she receptive or just being friendly?Am I wasting my time talking to her ?

@Raze Correctly said.

@Leo Gura I told her that I like talking to you she said that she also liked talking to me. ( We said this to each other twice )I also said it to her that I enjoy talking to her and she gave a different response each time.Such as I am cooler than everyone. Then I said her that you are a narcissist jokingly. I complemented her on her looks over text and she replied with a laughing emoji. When I complemented her over call she said it's all right .Also I asked to meet her in person since we are both in same cities. She told to inform her if I am free.

I was watching YouTube. Particularly- Leo's video The psychology of being wrong and many other recommended videos of different people on self -improvement videos were below as I scrolled past Leo's video .People were sharing their opinions. I saw a video recommendation of a 42 year old jobless, unmarried person. Even though I didn't watched that video I had an insight - People have widely different lives. All my life up until 25 I was living under the assumption that people are equal their lives are equal only I have problems which nobody understands. However , it caused a shift of 180 degree in my perspective that no two people have same lives. I know it sounds simple but it's still powerful.

I later contemplated- What are the ways I'm wrong ? As you said in the video I was surprised that how many answers my mind supplied to me. I am talking about human condition like circumstances etc.

This is spot on. Thanks for sharing this perspective. Embracing suffering is one of the most necessary pillars of emotional regulation.

Avoiding negative emotions make them worse while accepting or feeling them fully decreases their power over you as well as remember that it's healthy to have negative emotions. A person who is always happy will not be capable of improving his/her life.

@Something Funny Congratulations from a fellow 25 year old.