Rishabh R

@Something Funny Congratulations again.

When we feel pain emotionally we usually try to numb it in order to feel better but we miss the point that until we are alive on this earth emotional pain will always be there. In fact no one makes through without having some degree of emotional suffering. Viewing pain in a negative light does more harm than pain itself as it becomes an amplifier of pain. Keeping pain at a manageable level is a skills that one must learn in order to live a healthy life. With that being said, nobody is perfect and nobody will be always be successful at keeping pain at a manageable level. I mean even if you are good at emotional regulation there will still be moments of pain where you can't regulate your emotions. No book, no guru , no person can make you immune to pain no matter how good and promising there teaching is. I encourage the people of actualized.org to post their reframe of emotional pain or in other terms give perspective on emotional pain which keep it at manageable levels most of the time. So that while suffering one doesn't get caught into unhelpful thought pattern and makes cognitive errors which amplifies pain most of the time. Here's mine - This moment while being painful in nature will propel my growth in the future. Thanks.

@Luke W Yeah he must burn through his Karma and I think that behaviour follows mindset which has a huge impact but taking action is also important as mindset without action is useless.

@Yimpa Thanks.

Guys,right now I was emotionally reactive and was cursing/reacting violently the people who did wrong to me in the past. However, later I sat down and did nothing which calmed me down.

@Leo Gura Thanks Leo for these encouraging words. Even though this thread was not started by me but seeing this thread I remember my college self which had this belief that I would never get a girlfriend but now I rarely beleive it and I am more open to the fact that I don't know even though I found a few receptive girls along the way. With that being said I am 24 now and yes @Yimpa beliefs are huge. Questioning our beliefs is necessary for growth. @Never_give_up Reframe your situation as an opportunity for finding a girlfriend that you really like , it will make a huge difference.

@Natasha Tori Maru Yup radical self-acceptance of negative emotions is necessary. We must not supress our emotions but rather process them.

That is the point of this whole thread. Reframing or viewing reality more accurately.

@Lyubov Yes negative emotions are built on lies and stories which we tell ourselves about particular event. And keep telling oneself the stories which cause negative emotions or switching to empowering stories is a choice. As per my belief it's impossible to remain happy 24x7. Our emotions are not withing our control but how we respond to our emotions or our ability to regulate our emotions is within our control.

@Ishanga You're sounding like the book - The power of Now. 😂 I also read it. It's good that you have mindfulness skills. In my case I accept my negative emotions most of the time as well as I reframe them other times.

@Ishanga Valid point. Emotional suffering is when one is caught in the mental loop of ruminating which increases the emotional turmoil.

@Ishanga So you're talking about mindfulness and I have realized that being present is as equally important as reframing or accepting negative emotions.

@LukeZ I also had the same experience during my college from which I have recently graduated. What can help you is to stop caring about how girls respond to you and focussing on moving forward.

@Lyubov Suffering is not entirely within one's control and it comes and goes. Nobody remains happy all the time. There are moments of suffering in everybody's life.

@Ishanga Yeah expectations lead to disappointment. Living in now or being present is also a key to emotional regulation.

@Ishanga But reframing the failure,setbacks is a wise way for responding to it as well as taking constructive action.

@Princess Arabia So your talking about radical self acceptance ,right ? Great point @Ishanga. I was talking about emotional pain experienced due to failure,setbacks etc. and negative emotions in general which are part of everyone's life. @LastThursday Thank you.

@Something Funny I agree with what @Yimpa said. These items in your list are the things which you cannot change so, it will be much better if you stop caring about these things and just focus on putting effort/taking action in your life as well keep reframing your failures. For example - My failures are the path towards my success which would be possible if I push through them.

@Nadosa You can question those stories which are in your mind.

@Something Funny Keep going. Eventually you will get there.

@Something Funny But still you are averagely happy and that's enough. You made progress that's what matters.

@Something Funny For example - Being fulfilled, being overall happy ,self respect etc. Define success internally. By the way I took my response from a book -Models by Mark Manson. (It's a great book which you can check out)

@Something Funny I think that you are measuring your progress the wrong way. You can move your standard of success from external achievement to internal metrics .

It's good to see you succeed in this domain of life.

@Carl-Richard One's social environment, social conditioning and the things that one consumes online or offline determines the quality of thought.