Rishabh R

Question from my side : Is being selectively vulnerable with the women whom you like rather than treating dating as an achievement game by trying to attract most/every woman who comes in your contact ?

@Olaf Now you're maturing. What you listed on the post vulnerability but there must be some sort of nervousness before you share your insecurity and share it anyway - that's confidence . By the way I was a little hesitant to write now you're maturing but I wrote it anyway .

Long time no post. Sharing something real here .😁 I fell into this trap when I was in High school and college - of proving myself to other guys and girls that I am attractive . I remember it since I was bullied by both guys and girls growing up . And seriously people - bullying can leave deep lasting scars. If anyone disrespects you then rather than arguing to prove your point simply : state your point and don't try to prove them that you are right but rather if that person continues to be repeatedly disrespectful then simply leave them. By the way I have had this experience also in my family where I was treated inferiorly by an another man that person told me - I am very attractive whereas you (me ) never had a girlfriend and will never had a girlfriend. What's surprising to me that even women bullied me - In my 1st harsh rejection the woman literally told me you are a child , go study and then she dated other players. That's why defining yourself based on what you control is very Fucking important since external things can fuck you up as they are out of control. Even though there have been some positive experiences as well - Hpt girl with boyfriend told me your very handsome , multiple women have stated and smiled at me in public . The crush of the whole batch ( when I was in college ) approached me. Many women have approached me. Even at work women have approached me. So yeah be vulnerable enough - the right person will love you for you . And it's better to be rejected for who you are rather than being loved for your performance. By the way guys , you all can listen to @Emerald and @Natasha Tori Maru 's advice as well .Out 2 wise females . 😂

@Majed Congratulations.

@Majed In my experience of cold approaching more than 55 women in a month in the past . I would say approach despite anxiety and share your honest version with the woman. That's all. Yup cold approach is begging for money - you can get someone but that won't be high status/high fulfillment for you.

@Olaf I thought only I struggled with this . But I think the main challenge for you is owning your own sweetness ,not fighting it in order to get laid . In college women treated me inferiorly , and bullied me. I cut them off but the main battle was owning my innocent nature. That's what my psychiatrist told me -- there is nothing wrong with you. You have 2 healthy options: Either don't care about their opinion and March forward or accept your sweetness and march forward.

Even though I have never dated but this is wisdom , transitioning into maturity which I realized after my massively failed attempts to get into relationships,to impress women. 😁 Congratulations.

@Hello1 Don't ignore your mental health take those antidepressants. I tried to do without them multiple times but I felt intense withdrawal symptoms and emotional suffering that was biological and couldn't be fixed by self-help. So I had to revert back to them. Even during these days when I don't take them for a day or two I feel really bad. Also as per toxic relationship, that's a boundary issue even though I myself have been week setting it in the past . But yeah it takes guts to tell someone that they are hurtful and I have stood up for myself multiple times . The outcome : Wrong people get out of your life to make space for right people to enter your life . Happened with me a lot .

@Mixcoatl You're doing well. What I would suggest you to give up on chasing women rather than giving up on women. There's a difference. The 1st will make you more happier and second one isolated. I too felt like this yesterday night .

Example of conformity - Geeting into a relationship because everyone else around you is doing so. I fell into this trap years ago in school and college but now I am out of those echo chambers . Honestly I'm turning 26 without even a single relationship experience . Yup I attracted many girls throughout my life but yeah when people of my age are getting into serious relationships like marriage it's hard to not to fell into this trap since you keep hearing from here and there - Get married , have kids don't be single . As if that your happiness depends on it. But I live for the sake of anti conformity . Even though I am open to getting into a relationship but not chasing it actively no matter how much I suffer.

@Olaf If you want anything then go for it but remember that chasing the positive will generate the negative . Backwards law - Alan Watts. By the way I am not one to judge you. I was myself like that a few years ago and still am to some extent till this date. Secondly you are doing better than you think. Accept your singlehood and then take action by socialising . That's it.

@AerisVahnEphelia Ok then maybe I'm wrong.

@Lyubov Great step . I already deleted instagram 9 years ago.

Yup absolutely . I have experienced in my life that authenticity/vulnerability is like a filter . It does both - attracts and repels.@Olaf puts it more nicely .

@felixk_priv Great !

@Judy2 Reach out to him. If things don't work then move on. It's simple.

@Natasha Tori Maru Yup feeling of fulfillment is a side effect of acting with healthy values. Giving a recent example : I acted in alignment with my values of resilience and guess what conquering that obstacle generated a feeling of fulfillment in me from inside which no self-help technique can manufacture.

It indicated me that connection is your value. It can be highly volatile depending on how you define it for example connection on your terms of based on other's judgement of you. As per this post Authenticity is underrated since if you look up the pick up material most of them have a deep root problem inability to be authentic or honest in the moment .There are literally videos on YouTube telling desperate guys - Say this , text this to a woman as if you can control a woman by manufacturing attraction. Also pickup has a problem with itself - Treating getting a laid as a controllable outcome but rather letting go of trying to be loved , trying to get laid yields more happiness than even having a multitude of hot women cannot provide . Your posts seem to me wiser. This is progression towards maturity .

@Natasha Tori Maru Ok I just want to know what did you do after that dissonance ,I mean did you align your actions with your values or let the dissonance persist . Since dissonance is a signal of weather you can change your values or realign with your values.

@Natasha Tori Maru In my experience authenticity is honest expression of your thoughts , emotions and your actual day to day actions. However , you're definition has an interesting caveat . Acting in alignment with our healthy values makes us more authentic so that explains pretty much of it . Values change , we change our authenticity changed that's a normal progression. Yup authenticity has been being thrown around a lot in self -help literature especially in dating and attraction.As if authenticity is the key that makes you the Ladies man. But as per attraction it is subjective , I mean - Some women will like you , some will hate you for your true self. But it's better to be single and hated for your own choices rather than putting a cool persona of authenticity in order to liked by others.

@Monster Energy I have experienced that women are attracted to I mean in most of the cases to personality.Confidence which signals outcome independence rather than the confidence of getting her is highly counterintuitive. They choose partners based on their interactions with men not appearance per say . For most women it's like this I don't know about the rest. Attraction is Subtle and highly deceptive as well as follows reverse psychology .

Stand in I don't know , stand in it bask in it. See places where it leads you ,it will lead you to places you would not even have anticipated ,I promise you that .

Got a job after resigning from an underpaying job. Acted in alignment with my values for the 64th day. Also observed a significant or meaningful reduction in my anxiety by taking action despite being anxious .

@Vido Imagination that a thing is better than what you already have.

@Joseph Maynor Nope I don't think so. Without them this community would be a more stinkier mess. I have experienced it in other communities.