Rishabh R

@LifeEnjoyer I hope that you heal and find someone who is meant to be with you. Sorry to hear that . Are you feeling ok ?

@integral Indeed a weak and unhealthy coping mechanism which causes further problems .

@integral That's why I never ever smoked a cigerette in my life ,I mean I didn't even touched it . I think that people smoke to avoid or run away from negative emotions. In order to look cool they avoid suffering going through which is a strength in itself. Yesterday I was feeling bad due to a girl rejected me romantically in college in the past but I embraced it and a smile returned to my face for 2 times amidst suffering . Later the suffering was gone. By suffering I mean that I was reactively angry .

I opened the blog posts after a while and saw this post which was pure gold . Thanks @Leo Gura.

I think contemplation is becoming my favorite tool nowadays even though I have been contemplating since 2021. I contemplated for 31 minutes , 49 seconds.-How do I reduce my craving for external attention ? - By measuring my worthiness of bring loved by my past and present actions in dating -By telling myself that it is superficial and fades away quickly -By craving my values of resilience and tranquility amidst suffering instead -By thinking that even if I would get all the love and attention I desire I would suffer badly and my present state is good

@eTorro I am battling junk food addiction. Sometimes I have broken the addiction but relapsed into my habit of consuming it.

I like this perspective.

Owen. An advice from an internet friend -Rishabh. Try to listen to her compassionately , support her on her mental health journey and remind her that her last doesn't decide her future love life potential. Try to make her understand that it is better to detach past traumatic circumstances from future potentials. Overall it seems wise to me that she is taking professional help ,sorting this out by talking to you. It speaks me about healthy processing of emotional pain and symptoms rather than supression which many people do by addictive substances to numb their negative emotions.

Criticizing others based on inaccurate assumptions about them without doing the investigative work in their circumstances,nature,genetics ,family background etc.

@integral This is a wise insight, 2 years ago I recognized that more I run from negative emotions more they get amplified and paradoxically more I accept them the lesser they disturb me or get reduced. Thank you.

@Amer I would advise to just start and remeber that taking action is simpler as well as easier than we think. Stop caring about external outcomes ,metrics and only care about putting effort . Sorry if my tone seems harsh but I have experience the immense benefits of this mindset . All the best.

@eTorro Your doing great work by Mastering your mind since mind influences action,living,emotions etc. My thought is that consider mind mastery more important during failure,adversity and suffering. For example applying Growth mindset during failure (I personally applied it for more than a year when I was facing rejections constantly in my campus placement and finally I got into corporate sector ),reframing your experience during suffering and adversity . Final take of mine on this impressive post is - Consider questioning your thoughts for checking their accuracy and validity. They all are path of mind mastery since, bullshit thoughts and assumptions are the mind's default way of operating in the world which create problems since mental and physical world are intimately connected.

Happy Birthday @Leo Gura

Trying to stop caring about validation and instead caring about one's own behaviour is a better thing to care about than wheather other people validate you or not. Learned this after huge amount of suffering,insults and disrespectful interactions (even though they still happen now but now I care less about them ).

@Majed You demonstrated an act of self-respect.

Subtle hints like avoidance of eye contact, finding a way to not interact with you or just trying to end the interaction early is a huge sign. As well as not responding enthusiastically can be a sign too.

I only have a classic definition - Mental disorders are disconnection from reality whose roots can be traced back to genetic/ environment factors.

@Magnanimous Embrace solitude but also balance it with socializing. Talk to people who are receptive to you not only romantically but also platonically.

@Leo Gura Have you read books of German philosopher Arthur Shophenhauer? Like Counsels and Maxims. I ordered it 2 days ago.

@Leo Gura So is life's problems as they change from one from to another. By the way I am feeling a little unease for you. Actualized.org was and is a great catalogue for personal transformation alongwith other genuine self-help advice which took me years to understand and apply. I hope that you see the depth of content you have created which not only includes ordinary self-help but transcends it . Thanks Leo. However,have you read books like Enchiridion by Epictetus ? I bought a couple of years ago in my college and read it. It is profound.

@Leo Gura Is your health condition badly deteriorated these day or is it making progress ? I'm worried.

@CARDOZZO great post. I have noticed that resilience is my value which involves not only solving problems but also making progress by creating better problems. Of course my response to this post is inspired by Mark Manson's book Subtle Art of not giving a F---. My biggest problem that holds me back is that I often don't count on my own progress in life.

@Leo Gura What about women who don't make eye contact with you initiating conversation with the you. I have had multiple instances of this happening to me.

I had this insight at workplace, when I and other friends of mine were using mobile phones and I was trying to watch videos that would make me look like sort of a cool and wise person who watches self-help videos, listens to particular songs. I choose it to do it for a brief time but the insight hot me when I was thinking about the book Models at that time by Mark Manson that it's better to prioritize my opinion/perception of myself rather than others perceptions/opinion of me. Insight : I am needy and people smell neediness from a mile. So, I need to do things for myself rather than others. After which I started listening to songs and watching videos which I liked rather than that persona of an attractive me would watch. I felt a little sense of joy for sometime.I also think that having a goal of being myself is better rather than performing as if I am an attractive male.

Yup. I remember replaying harsh rejection from a girl in the past in my mind. I have tried acceptance of suffering , cognitive reframing and they helped as well help me to a large degree still.