Rishabh R

I informed her that I would be leaving the city since my career/work has got in the way but she told me to meet her physically . Then I asked her venue she told me to decide. By the way I am in the same city and will be leaving it then end of month if I don't get a job/training program there. While talking to her she brings her raw unfiltered self.

She was from my class in college. Whenever we talk now on phone the conversation lasts for half an hour(30 minutes ).She asks lot of questions about me. We also talked on phone during college and face to face. In the convocation when we were getting our degree she was the one who waved hi to me when she saw me and she did this twice during convocation. There have been some girls in my past who approached me and initiated the conversation with me. Whenever I talk to a girl I too feel anxiety but I do it anyway. Recently I opened this up to a therapist and she said me to think about my good qualities atleast once while talking to people and your confidence will increase. By the way I have been on antidepressants and antipsychotics since 7 years due to anxiety after getting rejected from a girl while I was in high school. Majority of girls didn't even cared to talk to me.I am a 25 year old single now out of college and on apprenticeship. In college she was a girl who wasn't harsh with me but treated me decently when I was suffering from chronic rejection where single girls rejected me and later dated some other guy which first made me envious then resentful. I even feel extremely resentful seeing couples getting intimate. A part of me says that I have never held any girl's hand and this guy is so far ahead.Also even if I talk to a girl other guys get pissed off and try to attack me. I have watched Leo's - How to get laid series over and over again. Read Models by Mark Manson 3 times. By the way I have fear in myself that I will never find someone (I have questioned this belief ) and will get arranged married to a girl who is already experienced in dating ( Yeah I live in India ). So, Is she receptive or just being friendly?Am I wasting my time talking to her ?

@UpperMaster I have also read Models years ago and read it 3 times on Amazon Kindle . What Manson suggests by vulnerability by expressing your intentions to woman whom you are attracted to which you can decide and stop caring about the repercussions of it. As per abundance mindset quoting the line from the book - There is another one out there just as special who will be receptive to you. By the way apart from Models his famous book - The Subtle art of not giving a F--- in which he insists on practicing healthy indifference which is psychologically validated helped me attracting girls more. There is truth to when you generally stop caring about trivial matters like rejections ,rude behaviours you become more magnetic. I have experienced this multiple times in my life.

1 month.

Ask yourself - Is it worth caring about the negativity that surrounds me ? And then act based on the answer .

Many people in the past have treated me rudely bullied me. Right now I am out of college and into the corporate world but the same thing guys keep telling me over and over again- You won't get a girlfriend. Even getting a girl would be a huge achievement for you. While I don't want to marry despite the fact that I am still single but there were few girls who were receptive to me. My parents tell me that after my career is stabilized (the same thing which I want and am working towards ) they will get me arranged married which I don't want .In my college and school I was rejected by girls , mistreated and abused.My mind keeps playing the scenario of old rejections ,mistreatment as if it is happening in the present. By the way I have set a standard for myself that I will only spend time with a girl whom I like and who treats me decently. Is not caring about their comments a way out ? Or are their comments pointing to something deeper ? As per responsibility part I am responsible for finding a better girl. Also I am confused , I want love but honestly I don't want to get married. Whom I will marry will have her own past relationships with men and here me being single my entire life despite taking action, despite cold approaching women in India, despite finding a few receptive women who treated decently. I am not giving up on girls but the thing is that I am suffering due to other people's actions. Right now I am trying to embrace my suffering instead of running from it. What I have noticed from this forum that some people behave decently while others behave awfully. And people no matter how rude or pleasant they are they come and go from life. I also observed that few years back when I was watching Leo's how to get laid series . I assumed that there will be no girl in my city but I questioned that assumption and there was a girl smiling at me holding prolonged eye contact with me . That series is powerful - Weather you beleive you can or can't you are right . Thank you forum members and @Leo Gura.

@caspex Guts + Detachment. A girl of my batch in college used to treat me rudely and call over her boyfriend who used to treat me like bullshit. One day after she initiated jokes to insult me saying that save me (jokingly) I told her she herself can save her. She the put her hands on me in a polite manner . By the way this happened twice. I would disagree with you in the case that if someone treats you rudely repeatedly be it a guy or a girl then ignoring them is the best option such as walking past them ,avoiding them. I have multiple instances of girls in school and college getting attracted to me after they insulted me .I also had many friends in college who were girls who approached me first.

@caspex I too live in India. So, it's actually their insecurity that is being projected upon me. I remember once in college I started ignoring a toxic senior I mean I stopped talking to him. It pissed him off .

@CARDOZZO It is good that you are working with a purpose in mind but as an advice watch out that your confidence doesn't turn into narcricissm.

@Majed That's some solid progress. It is from this place that you can create healthy relationships. I too have been getting treatment from psychiatrist since, past 7 years. What I have realized that people like us overlook our progress be it in career,dating or anything else. All the best.

@Leo Gura I would disagree with you since one aspect of improving in this domain is putting something else in more important position in your life and then women are secondary. Also acting on one's standards such as choosing the woman who treats you with decency as well as the woman whom you like as a person is of huge importance.

@Ramanujan Books are useful since they can give you a direction to walk towards healing but ultimate you have to walk towards that path, I mean taking action. Also , taking action is simpler than we assume and think when we procrastinate or avoid doing important things. Hope you heal.

@Ramanujan Mostly not but remember that a woman who is receptive to you will not only treat you decently but also initiate a conversation with you in fact she will approach you. It happened to me a lot. Plenty of hot women gave me signals by not only having prolonged eye contact with me but approaching me ,talking to me by initiating conversations,treating me with decency. The key is to pick on those signals and capitalise on them.

I liked this advice @Someone here. But the part that as a make I have a right to have a girlfriend gave me emotional pain since, in the past people snatched my right. Even though I socialized a little bit. In fact I was bullied by both boys due to the fact that I hot on girls . Girls also bullied me because I hit on them. However , I have cold approached 58 girls in the past and combining it with warm approach it is more than 100. Maybe my pain has to do with the fact that I didn't eat my antidepressants yesterday night 😂.

@lostingenosmaze I think that not giving a F--- about what this YouTuber says or do is the key for us to move forward despite hate since there will always be haters and lovers in our lives.

@Natasha Tori Maru I have been treated badly in the past several times by different people in general but I think that personal development/self-help work has been a large part in my emotional well being. For example - Holding the perspective in mind that in life people come and go no matter how rude or how good they are. Also , I felt good by seeing the responsibility part of your response. In overcoming adversity radical responsibility instead of blame is extremely useful such as - I am responsible for everything in my experience no matter what the external circumstance.(This last line is not my own word but from a self-help book that I read 3 times from beginning to end).

@Natasha Tori Maru So separating one's identity from criticism and then adjusting based on the feedback is necessary for improving one's life based on feedback ? Even though at times criticism tends to be based on misunderstanding and wrong assumptions.

It's a myth since different women like all sorts of men. Also ,building the foundation of a relationship on initial spark or attraction and ignoring value alignment , compatibility , self-respect often backfires.

@LifeEnjoyer I hope that you heal and find someone who is meant to be with you. Sorry to hear that . Are you feeling ok ?

@integral Indeed a weak and unhealthy coping mechanism which causes further problems .

@integral That's why I never ever smoked a cigerette in my life ,I mean I didn't even touched it . I think that people smoke to avoid or run away from negative emotions. In order to look cool they avoid suffering going through which is a strength in itself. Yesterday I was feeling bad due to a girl rejected me romantically in college in the past but I embraced it and a smile returned to my face for 2 times amidst suffering . Later the suffering was gone. By suffering I mean that I was reactively angry .

I opened the blog posts after a while and saw this post which was pure gold . Thanks @Leo Gura.

I think contemplation is becoming my favorite tool nowadays even though I have been contemplating since 2021. I contemplated for 31 minutes , 49 seconds.-How do I reduce my craving for external attention ? - By measuring my worthiness of bring loved by my past and present actions in dating -By telling myself that it is superficial and fades away quickly -By craving my values of resilience and tranquility amidst suffering instead -By thinking that even if I would get all the love and attention I desire I would suffer badly and my present state is good

@eTorro I am battling junk food addiction. Sometimes I have broken the addiction but relapsed into my habit of consuming it.

I like this perspective.