spicy_pickles

Well....it all worked out. The day of the interview I was nervous up until about an hour before. After that, I literally gave up. During the interview, I stuck to my game plan. I didn't pull a fast one, I didn't try and prove things I didn't know. At the end, I was pretty much guaranteed failure (based on the words of the panel). So I let it go. Oh well, I thought. It was worth the try. I'm happy with the direction I'm going anyways. To my surprise, I was quickly granted acceptance. This process usually takes a month to complete. Mine was processed in five days

I have my professional interview Friday. I am SO nervous. Is this the be all and end all? No. But I don't want to mess up or look stupid. I don't want to be interrogated and made to look foolish. I. Am. So. Nervous. I know I posted this before, but the closer I get the more my mind is playing out a million situations.

In my mind, I visualize myself as a confident individual in tons of different situations. I have a very important career step coming up, and naturally I'm scared and nervous for this interview. It's a make it or break it situation. If I fail, I would have basically wasted tens of thousands of dollars on my degree. I just need the confidence to show these individuals I know my stuff. Besides preparing technically, what else can I do?

Thank you. This all makes sense. Throughout school, I was never confident because there were always the students who were smarter and knew their material better. I wasn't like this in grade school or high school, just university (because I went back later in life). I tried a Master's degree and was completely ridiculed by my advisors because I didn't have a clue what I was doing. In my previous jobs, I was never confident because quite frankly, I had zero interest in what I was doing. So when it came to discussing things with superiors, not only was it difficult because some were unapproachable, I didn't really feel passionate about it. NOW, I am employed in a career I absolutely love and am completely passionate about. I start next week. I'm so excited. I can't wait to utilize my skills. I feel confident. What I need to realize is that in my interview, I need to focus on explaining my work, the work I am confident in doing. I was worried they will throw me a curve ball, which is fine. I need the confidence to tell them that is not within my expertise and keep focusing on what is. All I see though is those professors I had or supervisors I had that exposed the fact I didn't know anything

I have cut down on my drinking considerably. I am happy with this. About a year ago, I was drinking 2-3 pints at the bar after work (maybe 4-5 times a week) and coming home just to drink 2-4 beers or wine (on average). Then, I just started getting tired of the taste. That in itself was great, but I found I was still going to the bar for pints even when I didn't really feel like drinking. It was just out of habit. The bar was comfort. I liked the people. When I was unemployed and bored, I'd go for walks and end up at the pub. I would drink out of boredom/habit. Today I had a pint and it was gross. It tasted gross. I didn't need it. But, it's Friday, and my Friday habit for as long as I can remember has been tossing back a few beers or some glasses of wine. By cutting back on drinking (having maybe four pints of beer all week and some wine) I've lost nearly 8 pounds. I've also upped my water intake and exercise regularly. I don't want to give up drinking, I love my beer and wine. But when I'm turned off by the thought of it, I shouldn't be reaching for it. My guess is meditation would help with this?

So. Im trying to wrap my head around this ego thing and enlightenment. I'm getting glimpses of understanding it. I've recently let go an image that I've had of myself for a very long time. I envisioned I would be "this" and be the best at "that". Now my focus has changed. So much that people around me are somewhat surprised that I'm excited over a job that "won't challenge me". Perhaps not on the surface, but I feel as though I will be more personally satisfied by performing my work, positively influencing individus and having time to myself. I no longer care to achieve some image of myself, however I still struggle with letting go of other images. For example, i strive to be myself - not some false image. But am I still not "something"? Am I not that easy going fun person to talk to?

I've actually somewhat realized that there are people that just don't want to be helped, but still expect you to be there for them. Odd.

Thanks! So far I think I'm getting your third bullet point quite well. I'm learning that I am perfectly happy being alone and not having people pay attention to me at all. It is fantastic to catch up with friends and chat with people, don't get me wrong. But I need solitude. I get the compassionate part, but what's the difference between being compassionate and having an open heart and not being a pushover? For example, I sincerely feel bad for a rather vile person I know who has one main goal, and that is to make everyone miserable and jealous. However, can an ego-free person just choose not to deal with them? Can an ego-free person walk away and NOT help someone who they feel is draining them and taking advantage of them?

This has happened to me before, albeit many, many years ago. Whenever I feel like I'm at a crossroads in something, I have a very powerful dream that leaves me feeling hopeful and powerful for a very long time. This happened Friday evening and I still have the positive feeling inside. Its almost as if I saw my future ahead of me, or what it could hold. I didn't see despair. I didn't see hopelessness. I didn't see anxiety and sadness and worrying. Just a simplified life. A happy life. Everything just made sense, and I can see how it would pan out as well. It's possible. But with that dream came more power inside of me. I feel like I'm on a different path now. But I feel good.

I think that making such a profound discovery as I recently did has encouraged me to dig deeper and continue this path. I discovered I perfer being alone for the most part, although I do enjoy the company of others. However, I've also found I'm able to more accurately see a person for who they are and determine if it's worth spending my time with them. Gone are the days of doing everything for everyone except myself. There are a few things I want to make a daily habit for myself. I'll keep adding to this list as I progress. 1. Tracking my finances daily. I have begun to budget and am making a point to check that budget and make sure I'm on the right track on a daily basis. 2. Meditation. 3. Reading as opposed to playing a game on the phone. 4. Drink at least a gallon of water. 5. Exercise/move.

So after watching some more videos (some twice or more), I've noticed something interesting. I'm learning more about myself which is great, but something came to light recently. I really enjoy being alone. It's weird to explain. For example, every now and then I'll enjoy having conversation with individuals. Other times that's the last thing I want to do. I enjoy going to restaurants or pubs alone to take in the atmosphere and enjoy my surroundings. Maybe even strike up a conversation with someone. But, in no way shape or form do I feel like I need to invite someone I know along for my company. The other thing I've noticed is I'm seeing people for who they are more clearly. I am able to identify those I know who really don't care about my well-being, just that of themselves. For the first time in my life, I am totally comfortable turning down a request to hang out with them or standing up and saying to them what I truly believe. This little discovery has felt so liberating!

I've admittedly not been working on self-actualization as much as I should be or would like to be, but in the small amount I've been doing I've noticed some changes. First of all, I'm less tolerant to "crap" that I would have otherwise put up with in the past. I'm quicker to recognize something that rubs me the wrong way and deal with it rather than bury it deep down and let it smoulder. Secondly, I'm becoming more aware of traits in people that I could honestly do without. For example, people that interrupt when I'm taking or try and talk over me. In the past if this was a friend or family member, I would just keep to myself. Now, I just don't talk to that person. I'm also standing my ground more as opposed to being a pushover. This is a work in progress because I've been like this for so long. I've become better at saying no when I don't want to do something, but it will take some time. The thing I've found most fascinating through all of this is that I really enjoy being alone. It's given me time to realize how these things have negatively impacted my growth and development and what I need to do about them.

It feels "right". In the past it surely didn't because I knew I was going against my wishes and desires. Now, I am more in tune with myself (at least moreso than before).

I'm struggling with a situation where I cannot seem to calm my mind. Cause and effect. Past events have led me to believe that a certain outcome will occur. I try to meditate but it seems my mind keeps reverting back to the same thought. What if what if what if. What can I do?

Hey all. How do you "let go" and stop worrying about issues that are not your problem? I would like to do this because I get way to involved emotionally and it gets me worked up and upset. Just an example (there's many more), my partner tells me something a family member wants him to do (such as pick them up and drive them to the store). He gets angry at these types of things and would say away from the situation that this person can easily take the bus. When we are in the moment, he tells me this, I get worked up, I tell him to tell the family member to take the bus, and he just folds. He makes up a ton of reasons why he wont ask him to do this and will just go pick up the family member anyways. My partner gets frustrated over these things, i get frustrated, I tell him a reasonable thing to do to alleviate the situation, and he makes up excuses as to why he simply cannot do that. It's almost as if he wants the "problem" as opposed to solving it so he has something to complain about.

I'm ready, but I want to make sure I'm headed in the right direction for the right reasons. I will try and beat explain my situation right now. It's actually been like this for awhile now. I FEEL like I am someone completely different than who I am right now. When I think back, long long back, I see the person who I am meant to be - confident, strong, independent, free, happy. I FEEL like I am meant for something more. Now I am more of a lazy slug. I let my emotions get the better of me (example explained in my previous post of getting fed up/angry/involved with other people's problems). I am jaded because of past experiences, when I should actually be looking at these situations as having nothing to do with me at all. When I sit in silence and close my eyes, I visualize the person I want to become. Positive, happy, energetic, but certainly not willing to settle for the negativity others bring to me. Being strong, willing to stick up for myself. Sticking to what I feel is right. I admire family members who can do this. They are individuals who have no problem helping someone out, but also recognize when to say no. Then there is me, who feels as though I need to problem solve everything in order to maintain peace and balance and harmony. When a problem arises, and they are confronted with an overly emotional person, they are able to take a step back and rationally accept the situation for what it is as opposed to feeding off the emotion. They are confident in themselves yet happy and full of joy. I obviously want to be my own person and not be like anyone else, but I just see these qualities and take a look at myself, and realize I have some work to do.

This is embarrassing to post but I'm going to do it anyways. I am easily emotional. I will get teary-eyed or feel depressed/upset over the smallest things. Odd things too. For example, I'll see a sappy card and it will remind me of my hometown or something and I'll get emotional. I'll see a beautiful bouquet of flowers and get emotional. I don't understand why.

Thanks. i did a little soul searching last night and this morning. Everything you mentioned above ties together so nicely with what I'm feeling. Why am I getting emotional? Because things remind me of my hometown and I'm nostalgic. I miss who I was in my hometown. My life doesn't have much happiness and joy right now. I need to fix that. by doing so I am not looking to anyone else. I am doing it for myself.

I may have attempted to start this journal before, but I feel like I'm in a better place to really focus on self development. Getting off my ass and going for a run yesterday proved to be a massive catalyst. I think the people around me appreciated it to. I was more lively and happy. I also meditated, well the best I could anyways. I fought to bring my mind back to blank states and pushed the thoughts away. Taming the monkey takes a lot of work! My focus now is to continue to meditate and stick with exercise. Oh and of course, watch the videos!

Today was all about me. I made a point to do things for myself, and only myself today. I started the day by going out for breakfast. Everything tasted so incredible. I was taken back by how amazing everything was. Spent the afternoon at the pool. Enjoyed the sun and heat, reminded myself how thankful I am to be able to swim so well. Swam some laps for exercise Followed it all up with a more intense 8 km inline skate. I was so proud of myself to discover that I've shredded the time it takes me to complete this in half. My stamina and strength is improving! i know I'm not supposed to have any regrets, but I wish I took advantage of this "me time" earlier. This felt so amazing.

Where do you draw the line? I am starting to realize that there's people I can just forget about; and those that mean something to me. Problem is, I still feel that twinge of guilt if I tell myself - this person clearly isn't worth my time or energy, they do not reciprocate my generosity, forget it. I feel like I should just be that good person, you know?

Very good point. I had a tendency to be overly nice and go out of my way to keep friends when I was younger. On the flipside, I remember how the so-called "popular" kids treated the less popular kids and it hurt me. I remembered how I felt when I was treated poorly and how sad I felt for the person who was treated poorly.

Thanks for your post. Excellent words of wisdom I am surely taking to heart.

I know someone will have an excellent response to this that will fit perfectly in with my self-actualization journey. I do not feel as though I'm appreciated in my relationship. I know, common problem. I take care of the majority of the cooking, all the cleaning (including laundry) and packing lunches. I'll make my partner a coffee as he goes to work each morning. I'll take care of him when he's sick. I'll surprise him with little things to show I'm thinking about him. He has said to me that he can't thank me enough for the things I do. But for some reason, I still don't feel like I'm valued. It would be absolutely amazing if he just randomly did something to surprise me, to show me he's thinking of me. I don't want anything elaborate. Just a small token of appreciation. I know it's not about monetary or material items. But there are no actions to show his appreciation. Maybe once in a while I will get a thank you.

Thanks popi.