something_else

Thanks, I'm feeling a lot better about it now, in fact I find it a little funny thinking back. I'm new to clubbing and it was entirely unexpected, it just took me by surprise so it left me feeling shitty for a few days

Yes

Yes. And the world is full of immature people. One day one of them might try to beat your ass up in front of your girlfriend, what you gonna do if that happens? Tell them they're just being immature and should back down? Even if someone is verbally abusing you, you need to be able to deal with that shit and skillful use of aggression and confidence is necessary to either de-escalate (ideal) or respond (if necessary) Stand up for yourself or people will walk all over you

There are times where aggression is necessary and it makes sense that a woman would be attracted to men capable of standing up to attackers verbally, or physically when necessary. Life isn't all sunshine and roses Obviously an excessive attraction to violence is not good in a stage orange/green first world country but violence still happens in these countries no matter how developed you think you are, especially to women. So of course they'll be attracted to guys who make them feel safe

@DIDego I haven't seen a place try to enforce social distancing here. One place wanted me to wear a mask which is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I'm all for covid restrictions and masks, but if you're going to open nightclubs making people wear masks in them is just a bit silly. Everyone's going to catch everything anyone there has whether they wear masks or not. In fact I'm pretty sure I caught covid from a club last month, it hit me pretty hard and I'm young and reasonably healthy. It's the worst I've felt in a long time and I'd already had my first vaccine by that point so I'd have had a little bit of immunity. I didn't bother testing (though I should have in hindsight) but I did isolate for 10 days. I still don't have my sense of smell or taste back, it's really fucking strange

Not when you add alcohol to the situation Ouch. Guys get into fights all the time here (Scotland, it's part of the culture). My short Indian friend's strategy is to go straight for the eyes, he goes from 0 to a 100 real quick when people get in his face. Great guy, happens to be quite good with woman too, funnily enough. I'm honestly surprised you've never ended up in a proper fight in all that time lol Amazing. Guess bouncers being dicks is just part of nightlife to get used to

Dude. Dial it back a bit Being sexual is good, but you gotta be a bit subtle and playful about it. You sound very young, I'd recommend you focus on socialising in the ways younger people traditionally socialise. If I could give my past self one bit of advice it would be that

This really is what I needed to hear, thank you. I mean I'd had a few drinks, it's entirely possible I was giving off generally bad energy without realising even if I didn't do anything tangibly bad. It's not entirely about what you say. I also understand what @blueberries said about girls being particularly on guard in clubs if they've had bad experiences. And venues are going to side with girls in 99% of situations regardless of what actually happens anyway. That's the plan @Preety_India it sure doesn't feel hot, that's for sure. Maybe if you got kicked out for chatting up the girl the manager was hitting on, or for stealing shots from the shot girls' trays or some other shit like that you'd have a case here hehehe. Not for some random girl thinking you're a creep and reporting you @Leo Gura This is what excites me about clubs, I like the idea of letting loose and rolling the dice, see what the fuck happens. Turns out when the dice don't roll in your favour it feels bad, who knew. Two questions: Did you get beat up? Have you ever been rejected entry into a club for being alone or any other stupid reasons?

This advice feels like it fits my experiences really nicely, thank you. I think this advice will work well if you're not naturally the most extroverted person but you have a good social sense nonetheless Having said that developing some overt extroverted traits is probably still a good idea

Dont google it lmao

I mean yes, but what about people who legitimately get dealt a short hand? Or people who are born into absurdly wealthy families? Pure liberty does not account for these situations which if unaddressed do not result in a perfectly functioning society. Just look at the US where liberty like this is a top priority. It's a shit show. Should you be allowed to repeatedly threaten to break into a bank and murder 10 innocent people without action being taken against you? Probably not. So freedom of speech has to stop somewhere. Where that line is drawn requires nuance. Do you love Amazon forcing their employees to piss in bottles too? Because that's what unconstrained capitalism gets you. And yet a man-child ended up the president of the country that champions democracy. Democracy has its flaws. These are all good things, to a point. But just because we have created functioning societies based on these principles does not mean they are the only principles of creating a functional society. They can and will evolve. What I take from your post is that you believe mankind has mastered the art of creating functional societies and need not develop any further.

Welcome to humanity. We're all here to play games. What you do with pickup is the inverse of this

This has got to be one of the biggest things that a lot of guys should to learn to enjoy. And also realise just how much women enjoy it too. I've always been a little serious pretty much just due to lack of socialising for my late teens, but I've been on a few dates recently where the back and forth flirting and progressive escalation was legit some of the most fun I've ever had in my life. A lot of the pickupy posts here are really serious, theoretical and intellectual. Like I'm by no means an expert but that's not how you learn to flirt and have fun. I guess it works for some people, though.

Reading your post it doesn't sound like anything especially bad happened but it does seem to have taken a huge toll on your emotional state. As someone totally detached from your situation this is my condensed impression of your story: 'Undoubtedly she is into you, it sounds like maybe you're not that into her, which is fine.' Doing things you haven't done before like this is gonna make you feel weird because there are all sorts of emotions running through your mind, you're probably also still a bit pumped up from facing a situation you were scared of as well. If you're still in school, this is pretty much how all relationships at that age go btw. The stereotype of high school relationships being flaky, awkward and drama-filled is very much based in reality, you're just experiencing that first hand now Finally I'll just say: this^ is totally normal if you go through big changes in your life. And you didn't run away from this date, you faced it even though you were scared. That's how you grow. You're doing the right things, you don't have anything to worry about. Being scared sometimes is natural.

Programming of some kind is probably your best bet. I'd recommend web development, it's pretty easy to learn as far as programming goes (I'm a web developer rn) and can feel somewhat creative which is a nice bonus too. If you have 1-2 years you could build up a pretty nice portfolio which is far more valuable when applying for web dev jobs than say a degree. You're probably best off picking a single web framework to master, if Python appeals to you then Django is what you'd go with. I'm currently working with PHP using a framework called Symfony which really neat, but generally speaking Laravel is the goto PHP web framework if you want to cast the widest net. And then of course there are also the frontend skills, which would involve learning JavaScript (again, pick a popular framework like Angular or Vue and stick to it) and CSS/SASS. Most of this you will learn if you just pick sufficiently complex portfolio projects, decide which frameworks you're going to use, and then see them through to completion. And finally, don't go for things like code bootcamps, they're generally terrible

Heh, good luck. Hahaha, you've had all the hard work done for you. If you're alone with her in her room you have the ability to get super close to her, you're literally lying in bed together already, just be confident and start making moves. Get close to her and see if she's into it. If she is, guarantee you guys are making out in 10 seconds flat after you start escalating and you'll both wonder what the hell you were so nervous about I've felt this exact feeling a handful of times in my life (I'm pretty young as well, only 21) and every time I've felt it and then pushed through and gone ahead with whatever I felt like I had to escape from, I've not once regretted it

I mean it can't hurt. If he hasn't messaged you by now he may not be interested, or he may just be shy. You may as well text him and see what he says

I'm bookmarking this thread so I can re-read it on days when I feel like I haven't experienced enough cringe

@Karmadhi I mean, there are literally infinite ways of sparking emotion. It's difficult to learn how to emotionally stimulate by having a logical discussion about how to do it, or by giving logical advice. It's something you just need to learn by practice. Broadly all of the well known attractive traits generate emotional stimulation: leadership - makes her feel like she's on an adventure with you, confidence - makes her feel safe around you, humour - removes negative emotion like tension, and so on

I made a cringy comment about going upstairs. In hindsight I should have just kissed her then and there and let things unfold naturally. Suggesting going upstairs was clunky and awkward and the exact wording I used (which is remaining secret ) was cringy af. But nonetheless it worked because there was tension and attraction, and low expectation because we were both young and nervous. Point is, you don't need to think too much about what you're actually gonna do beyond the initial escalation if there's already clear attraction. If there's attraction and you make _some_ move things will start to happen. After the initial escalation and things get even a little heated let your instinct take over and things will just sort themselves out

If you're both a little inexperienced/nervous you can get away with some cheesy and awkward moves Dear god one of my cringiest memories is how I escalated on my first date with my first GF, very similar situation, watching a movie at hers, was a first time for both of us. The movie ended and I had no idea what to say, but there was attraction and both of us were nervous as hell so it just kind of sorted itself out, even though I wasn't the slightest bit smooth lol. Got a 2 and a half year relationship from that

@ertopolice As in emotional stimulation? Guys who can stimulate emotions in women usually have a lot more success with women

@Karmadhi I mean, there's no reason you couldn't make that style work for you you. It's far more to do with how you say something than the actual content. Which has been said a million times, for good reason

@Karmadhi Why is an intellectually stimulating conversation any more valuable? Like 95% of the intellectually stimulating conversations I've had with my close guy friends has been lost to the void by now. It's completely pointless too Guys just happen to be able to extract more emotional stimulation out of an intellectual conversation than girls do (on average ofc), but it's still all about the emotion rather than intellectual content But being able to influence people's emotional state is unbelievably powerful which is why girls find it attractive. It's also incredibly fun for guys too if you get some good rapport going

Would be nice. Having said that this dynamic forces quiet guys to develop their social skills which is no bad thing