something_else

yea you're right, I was a bit harsh, but my idea still stands. It's essentially a rehash of the grass is always greener. You listed a lot of ways in which women are cruel to men, but there are plenty of ways in which men are just as bad. These are less prevalent to our survival so we are not as aware of them though, that is the point I was making Think about it, women are the weaker sex, aggressively rejecting a guy is not really a great move for them. I'd imagine most rejections happen via ghosting of some kind, and next most by a polite no. If you get an unwarranted insult then sure, that's bad. But I don't imagine it's that common. Someone with more experience can probably confirm that. Good. I think one of the things I've noticed over the past few months when I've been trying to ramp up my socialisation is that my mind loves to spend ages and ages thinking about all these theoretical social situations and if you lack confidence this almost always ends up reinforcing negative and weird unrealistic ideas in your mind. This isn't a problem you're going to solve from your bedroom with intellectualisation, unfortunately for all of us since that's one of the skills we feel most comfortable with. The main reason I'm even participating here is to try and reinforce this idea in my own mind to make me more aware of when I'm doing this and stop it

this right here, this is your problem. you are looking for arguments and reason and logic about dating when really you just need to go outside and be social

Except from the fact that like 80% of the worlds leaders and wealthiest individuals are men, yea. Women have more inherent value, so life can be easier for them in some ways, but they pay for it in others that you simply also lack the empathy to be aware of. Yea but her value could be stuck firmly at a 6, as a guy you have far more control over where you are on the scale but the cost of that is starting lower on average. This is literally in your head, it's painfully obvious you've just theorised this with no real world experience or read other people say it. There's a difference between a bitter incel and say, a normal guy who is just shy, or someone who has an unattractive face. Incels are legit dangerous, the other two there are not. As long as you're not creepy woman will probably be more empathetic towards your struggles than guys will. And you have no empathy for the struggles women might face. You see how easy it is for them to do the things you struggle with and assume that means everything in their life is great. I agree with you, what incels probably need is some love and care and empathy. I usually argue on the side of having empathy for them as well, I just disagree with the particular viewpoint you have of blaming women for any of this. If a guy is repeatedly creepy you can't expect all women to be angelic in how they treat him, he deserves some painful rejections to correct that creepiness.

Yes it is, otherwise you wouldn't care enough to ask in the first place. Use some common sense, they're the physically weaker sex. Or imagine having unattractive traits as a woman, there's far less you can do about it that because many of those traits are inherent. There are also a whole host of stereotypes that generally affect women poorly in day to day life, they're definitely not all gone yet. This is just some bullshit your mind concocted for you right now. I'm not just speaking about this specific question btw, it's the general impression I get from reading all of your posts is that you are way too theoretical. Though, I can see that posting these things here might be cathartic, so if that works for you then you do you. But what you're likely doing is just further reinforcing these random negative musings into your mind even though it makes you feel better

Every time you think of some silly theoretical question like this, ask yourself: will knowing some other people on the internet's opinion on this actually help me attract a girl. You're addicted to these deep dives into theoretical ideas about dating. You need to stop letting your mind ramble on with all these silly theoretical ideas about how the typical woman acts. It's like trying to learn a martial art by reading someone else's descriptions of the moves online. It's dumb as fuck, and I know because I do it too and then realise I've wasted 30mins of my day reading shitty threads like this that end up offering me next to no value whatsoever. I'm still too much of a pussy to approach as much as I'd like but dear god I can see immediately that you spend way too much time thinking about this and looking for other people's opinions on it online. There is some basic theory you can get from places like this that will help you, but incredibly specific questions like this are 90% your mind performing mental gymnastics and tricking you into thinking you're growing when you're just wasting time

@Karmadhi You sound kinda toxic. I can't put my finger on why. I think you've spent far too much time in your head thinking about these things, because I notice myself having similar thoughts to you during periods of time where I've done that. Especially negative thoughts and broad generalisations, your mind is great at generating them for you and convincing you that they're true.

That's good. But my point was to offer a male perspective in terms of how this guy may interpret your actions. From his perspective, he may be thinking that you're going to demand more of his attention than he wishes to give. From what I can tell, commitment is often a man's bargaining chip in the dating world. Don't expect him to give it up so easily, in the same way you require a lot of criteria to be met before you'll sleep with a guy.

@Preety_India I have no idea how old you are, but I get the sense it's on the younger side. I'm not that old either, 21, and frankly I don't even want to think about settling down with someone at this stage. You're looking for 'the one' but you're expecting to find them in the first few relationships you have. What would the chances be? Your perspective as a girl will likely be different to mine, but the general sentiment of safely and healthily exploring what's out there is a good one for both male and female, I think. Personally, I lose attraction to girls who start talking about things really long term early in the relationship. It gives me the something like the 'ick' feeling girls apparently get when they speak to creepy dudes. There's a big difference between a co-companion to support me (and to whom I can offer support) and someone who is going to demand my attention 24/7 and distract me from everything else I want to do in life. When you say you'll give up everything for a person, there's also a subtle implication that you'd expect the same from them. And to a guy (or at least to me) I'd read that as "she's going to demand my attention 24/7" which ultimately leads to an imbalanced life.

Oh, sorry, perhaps I didn't explain myself well! I was talking about MP3s for the new actualized clips channel, I've already downloaded a good deal of the MP3s for main channel videos. My use case is downloading a whole bunch of them at once and sticking them on my phone to listen to when I'm out and about, instead of having to do it through the clunky YT app which also uses a lot of mobile data.

The actualized clips are really good when you need a kick up the ass. I usually listen to the MP3s of the main channel videos anyway, but it would be nice to have a big bundle of the actualized clips that I could lump on my phone and listen to when bored and lazy. I know it's possible to generate MP3s of YT vids using tools online, but it's not quite as convenient. It'd be great to download a whole bundle of clips to work through. Is that something that would be feasible?

Any of you who have reasonable technical knowledge might be able to recover some stuff from your browser cache. I've done that in the past in similar situations, I don't remember the exact methodology though but if you feel like you particularly need something that was lost it might be worth investigating further

Damn it's so fucking satisfying. I do this as well. My mum also did, and she said she started to enjoy the taste of the bad tasting stuff used to treat it after a while lol. I've noticed it comes and goes. Boredom and hunger seem to be big triggers for me, if I start noticing that I'm doing it, eating some food can help. Another thing you can try is alternating hands. i.e. for one week you can only bite skin on your right hand, next week left, then back to right and so on. This helps increase your awareness of the habit at the very least, so it's a decent starting point. But yea, in the long run you need more effective strategies if you want to completely cut it out. At least it's not that harmful of an addiction though

I've recently just moved out from my parents house, and have just graduated. I've got a job as a software engineer which is essentially perfect for me right now, good pay, amazing and highly motivated people, remote work and extremely flexible with when I work etc. My plan right now is to work this job for a year, and during that time really focus on improving the social parts of my life. I missed out on a lot of that in university, due to being in a relationship for the first half, and covid for the 2nd half. And I feel like I really missed out. This lack of socialisation feels like the cause of the most pain points in my life right now. However, should I be seriously considering and experimenting with what I really want to do long term with my life as well, or just focus on improving socially? I'm aware from talking with friends and family how easy it is to slip into a routine of working a well paying and reasonably stimulating job. I don't want to fall into that trap. I want more. TLDR; My mind keeps flip-flopping between telling me I'm A) being lazy by not also considering what I want to do long term and B) being wise by limiting the scope of my improvement to one area: socialisation. Which of these seems more truthful to you? Any comments/advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks

I know you feel passionately about this. But maybe calm down a little. Being so aggressive helps no one. Pressuring people to debate or fight helps no one. Discussions like that will be more valuable if they arise naturally anyway

All of this just sounds really culty. I don't think the solution to the cult PR problem is this kind of aggression because that's exactly what people expect from cults. People don't expect level headedness from cults. So if they see the majority of people associated with actualized come across as level-headed and open then maybe that would help with the whole cult thing

Weirdly, this feels like it adds to the cult vibe. Anyone reading that is just gonna think this is more of a cult. The more someone tries to argue against it being a cult, the more it seems like one, just how it is. Most of the defensive comments I've seen on videos criticising actualized.org have probably made the situation worse. There were some zingy one liners that do a better job, but you have to be careful with your wording and not come across as defensive if you're going to do this at all

@Leo Gura I'm remaining completely open to whatever spiritual teachings I come across, I simply don't have the experience to claim I know better. The only point that keeps cropping up in my mind that I think is worth sharing here is on the nature of progression. It's undoutable that you did a lot of so called 'traditional' spiritual work regarding non-duality and no-self and so on before you started giving the God-realisation and Love teachings. Do you think that for anyone else who also wishes to explore God-realisation and Love, these other steps are important grounding work before one can tackle more advanced teachings?

This is something I've been thinking a lot about recently as well. I've just recently moved out of my parents house into my own place, and as the freedom is sinking in, the desire to be more random and spontaneous is as well. To me, going on random walks at any time of day or night is good, especially on Friday/Saturday nights when just by walking around the town where I live you can encounter all sorts of interesting people. It is one of my strategies for starting to deal with my general social ineptitude in a gradual way while clubs are still shut, because the people I encounter will often do the initiating. I happen to be lucky in this sense, where I live random people will often interact with you on the street out of nowhere, especially if they're drunk lol

Some people just don't like the style of dating apps. It's not about it being easy or hard, necessarily. There's a reason there are significantly less women on dating apps than men in the first place. It isn't the best or most appealing environment for many girls either, even though they could meet many high quality guys through it quickly. This has always been an interesting point for me. If Tinder is so great for women, and they can all find high quality men there, why don't all girls have Tinder?

No one here can tell you what is realistic for you. No one here can answer general questions about what types of girls will like you. It depends on an unlimited number of factors about you that none of us know. It's not like women are all identical 1-dimensional creatures that will all rule you out because of your skin colour. Maybe some will, maybe some won't. We don't know, you don't know. You are looking for excuses to sit and think about girls instead of going out and talking to them. I do it too. I'm doing it now. It's a bad habit.

I am by no means an expert, but this right here sounds like the mindset that's fucking you over here. Too much theory, worrying about making mistakes, too much thinking. Go and actually try stuff out. You honestly think that speaking to a bunch of girls who you find attractive would be costly and wasted time even if you don't end up with a single one of them? The goal here is to socially calibrate yourself. All social interaction is beneficial here. You're trying to minimise embarrassment and risk for yourself by planning everything and overthinking everything in the comfort of your home. That's not gonna work.

Go find out

Why are you even spending this much time thinking about this? Really, it doesn't help the situation much. Maybe you will attract 8s, 9s, 10s, maybe you won't. Maybe you will need to develop a social network first, maybe you won't. Maybe some girls will find that social proof more important, maybe they won't. Depends on where you live. Depends on your charisma. Depends on the situation. Depends on luck. There are literally an uncountable number of factors at play. So keep rolling the dice and levelling up your skills, see where you get. It can be cathartic to read and write answers on here, I do it too. But I think you'll get more value by asking practical questions. And at the end of the day, you need to go out, do the practical work and find out for yourself.

@bliss54 From your experience, maybe. How do you know this applies to everyone? Why would evolution allow for all/most men to be weak and drained from consistent ejaculation? That gene would die out so fucking fast If you're jerking off everyday to cope with being bad at attracting a mate then sure, I agree with you. Mentally that will drive you insane. However the solution there is not exactly to stop, it's to fix the root cause. Which is being bad at attracting a mate.

It could also make you desperate, which would definitely not help you get laid