something_else

You're never gonna control it. It's about as hardwired into your biology as it's possible for something to be This is too simplistic. Most women are attracted to a subset of alpha traits to different degrees e.g. confidence, humour, leadership, masculine appearance and so on. Sure, if a girl is extremely superficial about these traits then that's probably not gonna go so well but pretty much every girl is attracted to at least some of these things, so you need to develop them instead of becoming celibate from women until you meet 'the one'. As a hypothetical, imagine a guy who has no excitement in his life, no leadership, is super serious, is anxious and barely leaves the house, never chases girls, how exactly is he going to meet a high value girl and when he does what value is he offering her at all? Why would she stick around when she will have so many other options? The solution is learning the social game, not avoiding it Better to build as many guys up with alpha traits as possible instead of trying to knock 99% of guys down into celibate, inexperienced dudes waiting for the one

This dude on reddit is not a healthy role model, stop listening to him or consuming any content written by him

I'd say the problem is you're not gonna learn what you really like in a long term relationship unless you have tons of experience with girls and it's hard to get that if you only have one to three serious long term relationships over the course of your life like would be traditional. You want a mix of flings, casual relationships and serious committed relationships over the course of your life so you can actually work out what you want from a relationship when you do decide to settle down a bit Another problem is that most attractive girls are gonna want guys who have some sexual experience, because they'll almost certainly have been with guys who know what they're doing before you. And if you're some virgin dude or someone who's only had sex a handful of times you're not gonna be a particularly appealing option

They do say girls like bad boys

Yea this is what gives away how toxic the dude is. If he said something like 'tease her a little bit' then that's just funny and playful and everyone enjoys it, when you start talking about punishing girls for not adhering to your frame then you've gone off the pickup deep end

Is it? It can also be a really really quick way to kill the vibe and evaporate attraction from both parties. You don't want to be having the 'what are we' conversation on your first date, at least I fucking don't. I'd take that as a red flag if a girl was asking that on a first date and I certainly wouldn't ask it, I want it to be chill It should be kinda obvious from the setup/sub-communication going on anyway

This is the kinda pickup shit you should avoid This is the toxic part of it The way he talks/writes and the fact he has pending sexual assault charges tells you everything you need to know

Funny you mention it, on Saturday I approached a 29 year old on the lonely walk back from the club (I'm 22 and I've never been with anyone more than 6mths older than me) and pulled her in an empty office building at 4am 20 minutes later I'd had a really really shit night for various reasons and I felt terrible, which gave me this 'fuck it' attitude that creates a really bizarre kind of confidence that can be very magnetic. I actually thought she was closer to 25 but she was clearly at least several years older than me But bragging over, lol. This was genuinely a really good experience for dropping any expectations/beliefs about how women behave. I would have never thought that a late 20s women would fuck a 22 year old for the exact same reasons you gave but all sorts of weird and unexpected things will happen if you just try new things and drop your expectations You are right that as a general rule girls will go for guys more mature than them but there are totally exceptions and you should really just go for it and see what you can do rather than get stuck in your head worrying too much about this stuff

In my opinion, using escorts only becomes acceptable if you have so much money the payment doesn't even make a dent in you, the investment is so low on your part that it doesn't matter. And if you're that wealthy you're probably capable of meeting girls through other means anyway If you're just a regular dude with average or even above average income, consistently splurging on prostitutes/escorts will destroy your self esteem in myriad of ways

He's a DJ from Scotland (where I live), which is the only reason I recognise the name Never listened to or seen him anywhere though

The girls don't pay these prices, lol

Holy fuck The table price doesn't surprise me, not even the cover charge that much. But $25+ for a drink??? Now I see why you learnt sober game

Clubs in the UK usually have entry fees, but the places I've been to are usually £5-10 ($8-15) which seems pretty reasonable In the UK clubs technically aren't allowed to let girls in for free if they are charging guys which I've heard is common practice elsewhere in the world Probably not actually a good thing from the guys perspective but hey at least it feels fair @Leo Gura Are those high end clubs in Vegas then? Out of curiosity what's the experience typically like in those places compared to lower end clubs?

I either go to clubs in the medium sized city I live (100k people) or the bigger city nearby (1mil people) and the bouncers at clubs in the bigger city did not give a fuck that I was on my own In the smaller town, I did have this problem once, went round the corner, found some girls going to the same place and went in with them. However there's another club in the smaller town that also doesn't give a shit that I go alone sometimes If you're reasonably good at chatting to new people, befriending other people in the line at the club is a good thing to do regardless of if you can get in alone or not. If it's long enough you might be waiting 5-10 mins (or more) so if you strike up a chat when you get to the front you're no longer there alone. Chances are they'll all be drunker than you and happy to chat anyway lol Honestly I'd be surprised if the bouncers care that much if you're on your own in most places if you show up reasonably early. I would just try it out before you worry too much about a problem you don't know if you have yet. I was pretty anxious about this exact thing when I started going to clubs but it's been a non-issue really

I don't know, but sure, why not? I didn't really want to do the whole 'this is spiritual and this isn't spiritual' thing but I was caught up in writing so it flowed out. Do whatever works for you. It wouldn't be my strategy for approaching the problem though Seems like there's a realllly fine line between overcoming cravings and repression, but then again there are monks who make it work. Just look at how much effort and commitment it takes from them though

Yea, course, you can apply this logic to almost any of the basic human needs of our world: Money, food, sex, intimacy. Too much leads to addiction and that's totally a problem. But not having enough is a bigger problem. For all of these things, if you truly want to transcend them then you must come at the problem from a place of abundance. This is because by having abundant access to money, food, sex, intimacy, power, you then have the choice of giving it up, engaging in moderation, or getting addicted. And that choice is where you can develop your spirituality because it requires willpower. If you have no money, food, sex, intimacy or power then you are not making any difficult choices, you are backed into a corner. What's spiritual about that? The Buddha was a revered prince with access to as much money, sex and power as he could ever dream of and he chose to give it all up for spirituality. Look how that worked out for him And so because there are many guys who are socially and sexually deficient, they need to be taught how to feel abundant in these areas so they can then make healthy choices. Otherwise they are a slave to their desire, backed into a corner

This is what I was trying to convey in my previous post but you have done it far more eloquently and with far fewer words

I feel as though 'overcoming sexuality' ends up becoming 'repressed/demonised sexuality' whenever it's implemented e.g. in many of the world's big religions. Most men and many women have a ridiculously strong sex drive that when 'overcome' can do more harm than good. Better to indulge it healthily than to try and 'overcome' it by repressing or demonising it. I'm not sure if that's what you were suggesting, just my immediate thoughts on it. This is especially the case if you are coming from a place of lack in the domain of sexuality, which most women don't really get or understand. Becoming a spiritually developed human being (and getting over the excessive lustfulness and sex drive) from that place is near enough impossible because it's practically all your mind can focus on

Meh. It's also fucked up that a girl could be incredibly high conscious yet not be that attractive to many guys if she isn't physically appealing. At least you have a more control over your attractiveness as a guy

Small towns are usually a death sentence for online dating. Maybe if you set your radius to like 50 miles you'll get something but that's a pain in the ass to deal with logistically

Yea, that's unhealthy pickup. I'm talking about healthy pickup which amounts more to learning to socialise with women than trying to dominate them. That's simply learning how to talk to women in a way that is attractive and not repulsive Theoretically you could do both of these from your couch. But I suspect that would not help you that much. Eventually the rubber hits the road and you have to see if you can actually go out and talk to people with out being terrified Hitting on women 24/7 is perhaps the extreme. Maybe I'm light when it comes to it, but I go out once or twice a week to loud social places, have fun, and make sure I push my comfort zone which usually involves talking to girls. And it's done wonders for my social anxiety, far more than sitting at home for the past 5 years has done. And that time was filled with lots of spiritual work and attempts at inner confidence work which weirdly are pretty much exactly your point 1 and 2. I can say for absolute certainty that they did not work for me personally, at least not on their own while I sat at home on my couch If you combine point 2 and an element of point 1 with frequent socialisation then that would be a good combo, but those alone without any practice won't help much I don't think I sort of agree. A good relationship should feel natural and like 'things just work' between you. But, you're missing the key reason pickup exists in the first place: lots of men cannot just 'get into a relationship' even if they would make great partners when they're in one. This is because they can't attract a girl in the first place. Can you see how that is a huge problem from a guys perspective? It isn't one you have to deal with that much as a girl which is perhaps why some women here don't get why pickup/socialisation practice type stuff is so popular among guys

While a lot of the stereotypes show pickup as being about manipulating women, and in many cases it is, like 90% of the posts here are focused on basic advice for what a guy has to do to not repel women. Which is usually: go outside. go to busy places. be sociable. talk to girls instead of leering at them from across the room. None of that is disrespectful or hateful towards women, it's just basic levels of development for guys who are shy Pickup isn't inherently disrespectful towards women, it can and is practiced disrespectfully in a lot of cases but so are a lot of things. At it's core, going out a talking to girls they're attracted to is a healthy thing for guys to do and teaching guys to do it consciously which is what (mostly) happens here is nothing but beneficial What advice would you give to guys who are shy, introverted, never seem to be able to attract girls, are always scared in social situations?

If you can recognise the value of consciousness, then would you say that a shy guy who can barely leave his house, barely talk to humans, male or female, and is riddled with social anxiety is high consciousness? Because if not, then there needs to be a set of instructions to take a dude like that and get them over all that shit and pickup is the most practical way to do that. Call it socialisation if you want, that's a better way to frame it but it's still fundamentally similar in that it involves going out and socialising with others on a consistent and frequent basis, usually with a focus on girls since that's where guys get the most anxious What is inherently more conscious about a strong long term relationship than exploring your sexuality in a short term one?

I think this is the most insightful post here. Ultimately it doesn't fucking matter as long as you're treating people with a decent amount of respect This is also a misunderstanding. In fact I see this as one of the most common arguments against 'pickup' and I agree with it. Using dumb and artificial techniques is a terrible idea and extremely inauthentic. But it isn't the kind of pickup that is taught here or most places for that matter. Very rarely are there any superficial techniques suggested, it's much more about learning how dating/socialisation works at its core How on earth do you plan on being authentically yourself in social situations that scare you if you've never been exposed to them, or you run away from them because they "aren't who you are"? I've spent half my life telling myself I "just wasn't a social person" and now that I've actually started being sociable I've realised that I was full of shit. Going to a club, bar, partying, sports classes etc. are all still quite terrifying but I almost always end up having a good time, for the first time ever I'm actually starting to feel like I can be slightly more genuine around others, especially girls, instead of scared. If that's not growth I don't know what is Me too. And for me that is social anxiety. And I don't plan on solving that from my couch. Tried that for 5 years because it felt the 'most natural' to me and it didn't do shit. Leaving my comfort zone was required to start solving the problem Yea, there's a whole lot of manipulation involved in survival, and ideally you should try to transcend it. But good luck doing that without mastering the basic elements of survival first I never said anything about macho and dominant. My point was simply that if you are not reasonably confident in social situations, it's hard to argue against trying to fix that because it creates many fundamental problems in your life and stops you from being authentic with others because you're shit scared of what they think of you all the time

Did I say clubbing was the only way to be social? Clubs are extremely effective for improving social skills though. I've had social anxiety since mid teens and going to clubs recently has been a huge step in dealing with that because they're pretty much the most intense social situation you can put yourself in I've also done a whole bunch of less intense social stuff like jiu jitsu classes, chess club, board game nights etc. and none of it has exposed me to as many new people in such a short space of time as going out partying Others may have a different path of course