something_else

The few times I've taken weed (edibles mostly, smoking a few times) it's made me feel like shit. All I can focus on is the sensation of the saliva moving down the back of my throat like sticky slime

I put 10% of my yearly income into safe ETFs, then depending on how much I spend each month I usually have about another 5-10% of my monthly earnings left over. Some months more, some less. I'm trying to avoid being frugal because I feel guilty when I spend money and I think that actually hurts me I'm relatively young, just graduated, and the advice I've been given by older family is not to save too much when you're young, use the money to enjoy your youth while you can. Or to reinvest in yourself in some way. Just don't leave more money than necessary sitting in a bank account because it doesn't really do you any good there Unless you live in the US and you have surprise $5000 ambulance journeys to prepare for, then maybe you should save more

Yea be polyamorous all you want when you're young, but do you really want to be going out looking for sex partners at 60? At some point you gotta settle down in some way. Just make sure you experience all the sexual variety you want before you do

Most girls prioritise emotional stimulation and vibes in the same way most guys prioritise looks. Just how it is. I'd actually argue men are the stupider ones there. They'll stay with the most vicious and manipulative girls just cos they're beautiful You're lying if you say looks aren't somewhere near the top of your priority list. Because if they weren't then dating would not be that hard for you

I've never really committed to affirmations long term, I always feel a bit pathetic doing them the few times I've tried if I'm honest If I was gonna do something like that I'd do visualisation

@Johnny Galt What exactly are the reasons you think early sex-ed is bad? In a few sentences. It was hard to tell from your rambly post but I'm curious to hear your viewpoint Asking 11 year olds about their sexual orientation is pretty bad, I agree. Educating them about what different kinds of sexual orientation there are so they can start to consider it themselves on the other hand is a great thing. I'm assuming that was the intention of that survey The best argument for early sexual education is that by the time a kid is 11-12, they start learning about sex stuff from their peers anyway, especially if they have older siblings or older friends. And then the question becomes whether you'd rather a trained professional sex-ed teacher taught them about sex or they learn it through the filter of their peers. Because one of those two things has to start happening first

The forum isn't that bad. Relationships/dating is frustrating as hell, especially if you're not getting your needs met. A heavy proportion of posts here are guys blowing off steam and frustration, which is somewhat toxic. But at the same time, totally understandable. Better here than some incel type forum

Shit, you've exposed me, reading these is one of my guilty pleasures

I had a tendency to do this when I was heavy into online dating It was because at any given time, I'd likely only be talking to one girl, maybe two. And it felt like a lot of work to move onto the next girl if for whatever reason it didn't work out or she ghosted me. So I was heavily invested in one girl I'd never met, only snapchatted, and barely knew. Which is bad. Ideally you should feel like it's not a huge deal if for whatever reason this doesn't work out because you know you can attract another girl, especially since you've never met in person

I think the way this should work is that you spend your younger years experimenting, satisfy your desires for sexual variety, get into some slightly more committed relationships and see how it goes. Most will fail, be ok with leaving when necessary Once you've exhausted that desire, you start looking for deeper connections and something longer term, ideally with someone who has also experienced some sexual/relationship variety and now knows what they want. And that what they want is you. Both of you feel like you've landed a catch, and you click perfectly. And you build something incredibly deep together I would say this is optimal. Obviously this is massively over simplifying and this won't be the right path for everyone. But I think for most who feel they don't want to settle down too early, this is the path

This is just not a good mindset to have in the first place, about anything really

This dudes thumbnails and video titles give me a headache I'm sure he has valuable things to say, but, for me personally keeping it simple works better. I notice that the more theory I consume the worse I feel, the more I get stuck in my head and the worse I am socially The simple, holistic, kick-up-the-ass, practical advice tends to be what works for me and that doesn't usually come in the form of 2hr lectures with violent social media marketing strategy applied However, the best advice is the advice that inspires and motivates you and if this guy does that for you then that's great. Just be careful not to get too bogged down in theory

Yea it plays a huge role. But even if 90% of results are based on pure chance, you want to optimise the 10% that you do control as much as possible

@Max8 What you're saying is essentially that 'success in life is based on luck', is that right?

SMV I get but why the fuck is there an acronym for interracial dating lol

Funny, I was just out at a bar and there was a guy who was burning through his last (apparently) £100 he had buying these two girls drinks because he reallllly wanted to get with one of them. First thing she told me when I spoke to her is that she had a BF but she was letting him follow them about all night without telling him so he'd keep buying them drinks He must've spent nearly £50 on them total, then just left after getting nowhere. Don't be that guy Or that girl for that matter lol

I think the rule of thumb here should just be that if you go somewhere cheap, you do whatever is smoothest Offer to pay, if she objects don't fight, let her pay her way. Who pays in this situation is purely a logistical concern because no woman you want to date should give a shit if you buy her a coffee or she has to pay for it. But she likely will care if you're indecisive and awkward about who pays You just want it to be a complete non-issue, something you don't even really think about, like a 5 sec conversation. Because it actually doesn't matter at all who pays for what in this situation. All you have to do is not make it awkward When it comes to more expensive things like a meal (which is a bad first date idea anyway, so maybe 2nd or 3rd date) then it's not as clear what to do. I think it depends on the situation and the girl. I can see a girl being attracted by a guy who pays for her meal, but you have to be sure she's already attracted to you. All the girls I've gone for a meal with have insisted it's split though

I'm basically only just out of my teenage days and still dealing with the struggles from those days, but I'm now in a place where I can start to unwire some of that shit I was bullied badly from like age 7 - 14. I had very loving parents which I'm extremely thankful for, but they were loving to the point where I was definitely coddled and that made me quite sensitive. I was also an only child so I was a bit undersocialised with people my own age. The result of that is me being a go od target for bullies in that I would usually react really intensely e.g. crying, shouting and so on which is what they get off on That's caused me to have intense social anxiety and I often feel quite uncomfortable expressing myself authentically, many many layers of filters with people I don't already feel comfortable around Other than this, I feel extremely grateful for the environment I grew up in. I feel like I've got a very mentally stable and grounded baseline and I've rarely struggled with things like depression or general anxiety that I've see many of my peers seriously struggle with. It's just socially that I'm totally fucked

I know that scientifically it's been out of fashion for a long time in favour of things like the Big 5 which are more rigorously testable, fair enough, but definitely doesn't mean it's valueless at all When it comes to personal dev type work though, how useful is it as a tool? It's certainly very interesting and intellectually stimulating and it seems to addict people in a similar way to things like astrology. I'm curious since there seems to have been a spike of conversation about it here recently so I'd like to hear some others' opinions on how it can be used I was super into it at one point, almost to the point of addiction. Properly into all the cognitive function stuff as well as just the 4 main axes, but I could never actually pin myself down as a type, really. I think I narrowed it down to ISTP, INTP, INFJ, ISFP or INTJ but like I actually cannot pick one of those that resonates with me the most, it depends on my mood and circumstance That ended up being why I lost interest, it seemed too rigid to base life decision on, especially the idea that you could not change types, which a lot of MBTI people seemed to take very seriously TLDR: Curious on your overall opinion of MBTI, is it useful for personal dev, or is it just an interesting test to inspire some self reflection?

The root cause of loneliness is not talking to people It's kind of like saying you aren't gonna eat food to conquer hunger If you wanted to transcend loneliness in a healthy way then you have to do that from a position of having abundant social opportunity/experience and choosing to reject that in favour of solitude. Otherwise it's just running away from your problems Sounds like you're on a better track now. I'm also on the path of building up a social circle, trying to be far more social etc. As a way to handle social anxiety

I mean maybe technically it's possible but this is probably just your laziness/ego looking for a quick solution to things that take time

Was scrolling through the thread looking for a response like this, and you wrote it better than I could Same for me

I'm getting closer and closer to thinking you're an actualized.org prankster with every post ?

@Leo Gura Funny you should say that, my dad was actually into the proper pickup craft, back near its inception, like the 80s or so. And from what I gather quite successful. I only discovered this recently and it creates a weird concoction of emotions inside me to say the least ?

Entirely unrelated but this is was a nostalgia bomb These guys have a group in my city with 6 people, guess it could be interesting, idk, I feel like I'm more drawn to the path of making extroverted friends to go party with or just going out on my own. Seems to be working OK so far I don't like the idea of 'doing pickup' per se, I like viewing it as learning so socialise and beat social anxiety instead