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There are a few good reasons that clubs are suggested for dudes: Abundance. There are tons and tons of girls who want to meet new people there. More than you'll find pretty much anywhere else You get a lot of room for mistakes. It's the kind of place where you can make social mistakes and face very little consequences, compared to say being awkward in a gym, shopping centre, or even a bar, where you can be thrown out for basic social errors. Or even face criminal charges, although that's very unlikely Most guys should aim to have a fair few casual encounters before they start looking for a LTR It pushes your comfort zone like crazy Anonymity. It's so busy that you can blend into the crowd if you want, there are no eyes on you The type of girls who go to clubs are not really a unique type of girl. The girls in clubs are pretty much just normal girls. Any guy who says "Oh, I don't like the girls who you'd find in a club" is most likely trying to justify their fear of entering the club environment You don't need to go to clubs as a guy, but they're fucking brilliant for meeting girls and you would be kind of silly to exclude them. Especially if you exclude them based on fear instead of an actual dislike of that environment I would say that as a guy if you can't go into a club environment and feel relatively secure and confident then it would be a good exercise to develop yourself until you can. Not even from a meeting girls POV, just for confidence and self esteem reasons

Yup. The problem is that there isn’t exactly that much theory to pickup, at least for dudes who struggle socially. The theory for them is ‘be social’ and ‘step out of your comfort zone’ but that advice doesn’t make an online coach money, really So when there are that many coaches who’s income depends on teaching pickup online they have to come up with more and more theory or flashy in-field content to keep people coming back for more info, and that stuff can get super cringe

You can be good looking but still not get great results because your personality sucks. And you can also be pretty below average looking as a dude and your personality can carry for you. You see it all the time. I don't know which pickup coaches you've listened to, I listen to almost none except a few RSD videos and Leo. The typical pickup coach style makes me want to scratch my eyes out and clog my ears up from the cringe, so perhaps we do agree on that Most good pickup advice boils down to 'get off your ass and go socialise' and some techniques to make that happen. Nothing wrong with that really. A lot of guys who are socially fucked need a framework to learn how to have those organic conversations you mention. It doesn't always come that naturally if you've spent most of your life in front of a computer

I agree it's addictive. But just because something is addictive doesn't necessarily mean it's bad. If you watch porn every day but it doesn't harm your life in any way, how is that a problem? Water is also highly addictive It's worth noticing. But I suspect this isn't that common. Most guys are horny as fuck. Porn has helped me find the things that turn me on the most, the things that drive me absolutely crazy. If anything porn actually makes me more aroused overall, because it drives me to go out and experience sexuality for real. And yea, that means I don't get turned on as much by just some basic sex, but so what? I want great sex, I don't want basic boring sex No amount of porn will ever satisfy the urge to fuck a real girl. It just won't. So yea, if you're using porn to cope with not being able to get a real girl then that's a problem Yes, it's worth investing, I agree. My issue is primarily with no-fappers who preach about how it's so terrible for everyone and it's destroying our minds based primarily on their own anecdotal experience which is most likely rife with placebo

What if it's just placebo? The dopamine thing is the goto no-fap argument but afaik there isn't really any biological evidence behind it. Personally I don't really buy it. Your body is literally built to fuck as often as it possibly can. A gene that depletes your dopamine reception after a whole bunch of sex would be super detrimental to survival, and jerking off to porn is just an abstraction of having a whole bunch of sex I've noticed watching porn makes me want to try more interesting things sexually and average sex becomes a bit boring, but I wouldn't say that's necessarily bad. I would say it's increased my bar for good, exciting sex I don't really understand the argument that it affects how you view women. Men are going to see women sexually whether they jerk off or not. It's up to your own mind to override that when need be. If you're a horny dog who hasn't came in several months you're going to uncontrollably see women far more sexually than a dude who jerked off last night

How is it harmful? Please give me some concrete examples. You just keep reiterating that it's harmful, like it's self evident

This is a silly comparison. Meth is biologically dangerous and you can point to concrete statistics about its danger and lethality. You can do the same with fast food. However you cannot with porn. No one, as far as I'm aware, has died from masturbating or watching porn. Therefore comparing these things is not really valid. The dangers of porn and masturbation are debatable, psychological, and far more subtle. As with anything that is purely a psychological, what you believe is often far more important than reality. If you believe porn/masturbation hurts you then it will. If you believe it doesn't then it won't

So are rampant horniness and sexual dissatisfaction

If you've never been in a relationship before it might be good experience to try one out and see how it goes, assuming you're young you have plenty of time to recuperate if it doesn't work out Being able to say you've spent time in a relationship helps you with girls too. A lot of girls I've met liked the fact that I'd been in a long term relationship before. A typical mid-twenties or older girl probably doesn't want to be your trial run for a first serious relationship I'm in kind of a similar situation just now actually, I've met a girl I'm considering a relationship with but I'm not sure I want to give up the freedom. I left my last relationship of 2.5 years (started when I was 17) because I had such a craving for some wild sexual experiences, and I've sort of lived that out over the last 8 months or so but I still don't feel like I've lived it out enough yet. At the same time I do like this girl. It's a tough problem

I’ve been going out partying, clubbing, just generally socialising a bunch for the past like 6-7 months I don’t really want to say I was ‘doing pickup’ because I’m not really a fan of the connotations, but I was definitely trying to get better with girls and talked to a whole bunch I enjoyed it, I don’t want to stop. Playing the field, whatever you want to call it, it’s exhilarating and it’s very different to how I’ve lived my life for the first 21 years (shy, barely socialising etc.) However I’ve now met a girl that I am kinda interested in having a relationship with. She’s cute, great in bed, quite similar in personality to me. Also quite shy in a cute way. Fun to be around. She clearly wants a relationship, not something casual But I’m not at the stage of my life where I wanna like settle down or anything. And part of me definitely feels like getting into a relationship would be an easy way to avoid the challenges and fears of socialising, I’m slightly worried that’s why I feel like I want to try one out here But I do also want some more experience in actual relationships too I suppose my big question is whether it’s disrespectful or cruel to get into a relationship with someone knowing that I am most likely gonna leave it in the future Would appreciate any comments or advice, thanks!

I was exaggerating. The point is that with that attitude I would be worried that it would attract guys who say whatever it takes to get into a girls pants They’re either manipulative, very needy or both Oh you sweet summer child I believe in love. I just don’t believe you can know that you love someone after a month. You barely even know their personality after a month, let alone whether you deeply love them This doesn’t seem healthy to me. Maybe it is cultural difference, idk. Is it expected for guys in India profess love after a few dates? Jeez Anyway, I don’t really wanna take this too far off topic. I’m not gonna tell this girl I love her

I can’t even imagine having that attitude. I’m assuming it’s a cultural difference Where I live that would attract you only the neediest of needy men or total psychopaths who’d say anything to get in your pants

Each to their own I know for certain if I told her I loved her now she’d run for the hills, and vice versa. It’s more of an interest and curiosity in each other that merits some exploring Humans escalate things over time. We don’t like things to go from 0 - 100 super quick. That’s too much change for us to handle

Yea, I think that is unfortunately the case. My gut instinct is to see how it goes for a bit rather than making a decision now. I’m certainly enjoying it for the time being. If she gets very serious then I think it would be immoral of me not to break it off, though Meh, I was in quite a long relationship (for my age anyway) for about 2.5 years and I found the whole process quite natural. Where I really struggle is meeting new people, that’s as far as can be for natural to me and so it feels like I should practice that more Thank you for the advice, it’s nice to know this is a common issue Lol I met her a month ago, let’s hit the breaks on the love talk for now

Just because a relationship lasts a long time doesn’t mean it’s a good relationship I think when you’re young you should experiment a lot so you know what you want out of a serious relationship

For some people it just comes natural For others the only way to detach really is to build up a sense of abundance. If you feel like you’re only meeting women you’re attracted to rarely, you’re gonna get super needy when you do meet them There isn’t really a quick solution to this, it just kinda comes with experience and with talking to lots and lots of girls

I think in clubs simple is better. There’s a good chance the girl won’t hear you first time and it gets super awkward to repeat complicated openers a few times I don’t think the actual content of the opener matters as much as your energy when you deliver it I’d pick something simple and just try it over and over. Or you could open with the thing about the girl that stands out to you the most. Observe whatever it is that stands out about her and point it out with high energy

Dude get a grip, you sound toxic af

How does the women know whether the man she is talking to is safe or not? She has no idea how he will respond to rejection. In many circumstances the women knows nothing about the man and is not going to risk her safety in the name of being honest to some dude she barely knows Yea in a perfect world a women wouldn't need to play games like that but we don't live in anything near a perfect world lol

You could do a sample of your average millennial and younger population and find roughly the same thing. About half of all people under the age of 35 will probably report struggling with some kind of mental illness at some point in their life. Might even be higher I don't think this forum necessarily attracts a higher percentage of people who struggle with mental health

In a sense you are right, us men can't really understand why women feel like this because frankly we love being objectified by women right from the get go, it doesn't bother us The die hard feminist idea that men are constantly objectifying women and that is toxic and evil and so on, is dumb. I have a feeling that is what you don't like and you are probably right to feel that way But honestly I don't think this is as big of an issue as you make it out to be. Many girls like being objectified... by a guy that's playful, fun, attractive and set up a situation where the girl feels safe. Once you've reached that stage, nothing turns a girl on more than you using her like your dirty little sex object who exists purely to satisfy your deepest dirtiest desires for the night. Then cuddling up with her afterwards. The problems occur when you are treating her like a subhuman item that exists purely to satisfy your desires right from the get go without any build up. Women interpret this as creepiness because they know what you want, and they know that you don't care for their wellbeing at all. You only care about your own desires and not what she wants. You're selfish and you offer her nothing. That is the kind of objectification women are repelled by You're basically seen as spoilt child who just wants sex without giving the girl anything in return

6'4 But I'm also quite lanky. Being tall is nice, especially in a busy environment like a club, it functions like a fancy shirt that gets you noticed. But it doesn't get you approached by girls. At least not girls I also find attractive. If I go to a club for a night I'll usually get 1 or 2 girls come up and point out my height, but it's usually one of two archetypes of girl who approach me for it: questionably attractive gothy girls looking for a tall skinny guy, or extremely tall girls. Neither of these I'm into, really. They tend to have very masculine personalities on top of that if they approach you too Closest I've had to a hot girl approach me was a girl's friend come up and say her friend thought I was cute, her friend was a hot American girl, but then I went and talked to her friend and she was clearly not into me. I'm not really sure what happened there. I suspect my personality didn't cut it Long story short, waiting for girls to approach you is a terrible strategy

I can't remember where I read this, it might have been something Leo said: "Women don't want looks, women want a man" If you look good you have a significant advantage but you can totally nullify that by not having masculine personality qualities like the confidence to go and talk to a girl I also look pretty good, and I'm very tall too, but it's very rare I'd get approached. It's happened a few times and it's usually been girls I'm not that into, it usually tends to be quite masculine girls

I'm pretty sure this kind of thinking is why the solipsism video was taken down lol

Grass is always greener