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Nice! Clubs can be scary but trust me you’re gonna have some great times. Good luck

Yea I like this explanation Not accepting that there are midpoints between male and female seems like such a strange hill to die on to me. Just acknowledge that the construction of gender/sex isn’t perfect and has enough edge cases and blurred lines that we need to be open to deconstructing it a little bit and handling those edge cases healthily It doesn’t even affect the vast majority of people’s lives to accept this fact @vizual Btw your numbers are way off. There are estimates that put the rate of people born with some intersex traits as high as 1.7% (roughly 1 in 60) of the population. Similar to the number born with red hair. Again it depends on your definition of intersex, the lower bound with the most conservative and strict definition is 0.05% (1 in 2,000). Either way it is far from negligible The fact we can’t even precisely define exactly what constitutes intersex is also worth noting here

I mean... yes... Our brains want to divide up reality into neat little boxes because it's useful. But some of those boxes are going to fall apart more easily than others. As it turns out, gender seems to be one where there are a lot of cases that blur the lines and so we need to account for that Except intersex people, who are literally both

If you take a human male and a human female and start replacing parts of the male with parts of the female atom by atom, at some point they become female. When is that? If male and female are not conceptual constructs like you say then you must be able to point at a concrete line during this process at which the male becomes female If you can't tell me exactly where that line is, then there is no concrete boundary between male and female in your mind It's not even like this is mental masturbation, because intersex people are literal examples of this thought experiment

ya @Hardkill you ask a lot of questions, but ultimately you’re gonna need to get some experience if you want results. Randomish questions on a forum online ain’t gonna cut it

Easy Pretty much everyone can get good at any sport to an above average level through mastery and time. But not everyone can get to the very top. That requires genetic luck. Same with relationships. Yea if you wanna be in the top 5% of guys sexually you’re gonna need some genetic gifts but you can get pretty high up that chart without any special genetic gifts in the same way you improve at a sport

I think she said she’d expect it in the first month or something, don’t remember exactly

I had a convo with @Preety_India about this recently, apparently saying I love you super early on is the norm in Indian culture and is expected of guys So it might not be as uncalibrated as it seems

The point is it’s hard to mediate and be spiritual when you’re literally starving And maybe improving your spirituality can help you understand your desire for food, help you pick better foods etc. but if you’re so poor that you can’t even feed yourself any food at all, spirituality is not where you should start That is where many guys are when it comes to sex I’m mainly just trying to encourage you not to give the “spiritual” style dating advice to guys who struggle with women because it’s likely to rub them up the wrong way. That only works for women and for guys who have already got a decent dating life

@Gianna Again I’m not saying that what you’re saying is necessarily wrong per se, but I think that guys who struggle with women usually need practical advice Framing it as a spiritual problem is likely to lead to a lot of frustration in guys, even if it is the ultimate solution to the problem. It’s very hard to do that kind of high level spiritual thinking when you aren’t even getting your basic material sexual needs met It’s like trying to meditate to cure your hunger

This is an unhealthy frame IMO. Most of the time a girl mentioning her ex is not a shit test. If they were together for any reasonable amount of time it will be almost impossible for her not to mention them to you Also shit test is usually a thing girls do to overconfident guys when they approach them to try and see if they are really as confident as they appear at first. I’m not sure this meets that definition

That’s a bit harsh. I suppose it depends on you and the girl though I’ve had some discussion about my exes and girl’s exes before. Usually it’s referencing activities they’d done before or just general stories from her past. Obviously it’s not great if she starts talking longingly about her ex, but your masculinity should be able to handle your girl talking about events in her past that involve her ex every now and then

Lol. I agree with most of the other things you’ve said, but this is just not how most guys experience dating and girls Many guys can’t get a single girl, let alone be picky about which girls they chase. A lot of guys end up very feeling very scarce when it comes to girls and it’s usually not because they’re being too picky. It’s usually a much deeper issue to do with social skills and sense of self worth

For couples earning roughly the same (prob the most common setup) anything but the 50/50 mindset is going to be unhealthy If you earn a decent living say 40k a year and I’m making twice or thrice that then yea I should pay a bit more. Maybe 75/25, because we’re going to be living a more expensive lifestyle in line with my earnings that it would be unfair to expect you to contribute 50/50 to But girls making a reasonable wage should always be expected to contribute a reasonable amount to the cost of living

I think we probably agree on roughly what the balance should be based on this, my main point was that I think immediately leaving him is a bit harsh Most students get their first full time job around 21-22 so I imagine it is probably his first time making real world money. Give him a year or two of sympathy to be cautious and learn what he can get away with spending each month I was pretty stingy with money when I first got my job a year ago, now I’d say I’m actually over spending a bit the past few months. It’s a very tricky thing to balance but I think starting on the side of stingy and learning to be abundant is better than having to reign in your over-spending I see a few dudes my age wearing £2000 outfits that they bought with Klarna and are now drowning in debt. That’s an abundant mindset but it’s a million times worse than being stingy about meals and gym memberships, and it’s far harder to recover from It is also possible he’s just naturally going to be extremely scarce and stingy and if that never changes despite communication with him then I totally agree, she should leave if she’s not happy and he isn’t listening

I agree. He’s being a cheap bastard. But it seems an unfair reason to leave him without even talking about it. The dude is also young and probably a bit anxious about how he handles his money If this was an older guy I would actually be more inclined to agree with you, but as a young guy who has recently started a full time job I can sympathise with wanting to be cautious with money once you start earning it IMO if both parties earn above a certain amount its 50/50 every time with occasional treats from one to the other If I’m working and dating a student I’ll pay maybe 75% of the time but I’m not there to finance this girls university stay, she still has to pay her own way sometimes or I feel like I’m being taken advantage of

Throw in some balls to the walls partying every Saturday and that’s basically paradise

I like that this is all you took from that comment Dude, you’re looking for excuses, I’m sorry I know it’s scary. It feels like it would take so much time and effort to attract girls. But it’s not as bad as it seems And it’s certainly better than the alternative of sitting alone in your room forever

That’s fair enough. But keep that pace up at the very least. I only thought that way because you couldn’t really give an exact number or estimate to how many girls you meet a week, but you should be meeting enough girls weekly that you can at least put a rough number on it The more new girls you talk to the better your dates go. I used to be very invested in dates but now idgaf because I know if I want to meet girls I can meet 20 every weekend. It lets you have more fun in dates instead of feeling like they’re a job interview Also knowing lots of girls doesn’t really count for that much. I’m assuming most of these girls are friends. Once that frame is set it’s tough to undo. It’s less about knowing lots of girls and more about your ability to meet new girls whenever you feel like it

Well somehow those dudes are getting girlfriends. I highly doubt they’re doing that without talking to any girls A lot of extroverted dudes don’t need to frame it as approaching because they go out with friends and naturally bring new people into the conversation, many times girls. It’s not really approaching for them, it’s just all very natural If they go out and have fun with their group of friends there will be lots of natural socialising and intermingling of groups where they get tons of exposure to girls But if this doesn’t come naturally then you’ve got to be a bit more direct and start approaching rather than just waiting for things to happen to you Most of the framing in your posts very much comes across as “I want a girlfriend without having to go and talk to girls” That is often what it feels like you want when I read your posts 90% of relationships start with the guy approaching the girl in some flirty way, it’s unavoidable. If you’re introverted you have to learn this skill Also no one is telling you to go and do a thousand approaches. Even just like meeting 5 new girls a week would be better than sitting waiting for things to happen to you. It’s scary, but it’s not as bad as it seems. Just find one or two ways you can increase your exposure to girls and go from there Even if you have everything else in your life together, which it sounds like you do, that doesn’t mean you automatically deserve a GF with zero extra effort. You still need to do a bit of work for it, but it’s not that much work. Well, it’s not that much work if you get lots of exposure to girls

A lot of guys do this to avoid being taken advantage of Then again he also sounds like a stingy bastard too. If he has more money and he is working he should def be paying for more, but never everything You should just talk to him about it tbh

It sounds like you’re in a pretty crappy city/town. In a half decent town/city almost every club will have at least some decent girls in it on a Saturday night I live in a town of 80-100k people and Saturday nights are great no matter where you go here. Other nights are super dead tho

Where have you only seen good looking guys hook up with girls? I see all sorts of guys and girls with different looks hooking up when I go out

I think learning to have a great time while you’re out is a great starting point. Learn to just chill while you’re in social environments, learn to approach girls as it feels right, you’ll make good progress

Oral with a condom? What the fuck? You put it on before you’re gonna have actual sex