something_else

Same reason as alcohol, it gets you into the moment and removes a lot of anxious thoughts you otherwise have. I'd be careful about popping tabs of acid before going to a club unless you're a seasoned psychonaut, that could go very badly wrong if you end up taking too much

I'm confused, why are you not trying to take these girls home? I think I've read a few of your date reports now where it seemed like you could definitely have pulled but didn't for some reason. It's super easy if you build up some rapport with the girl, you literally just suggest that you go back to hers or yours. Most girls (at least where I live) expect guys to try and have sex with them on the first date Girls get turned off by guys who they want to fuck, who they have good chemistry with, but who then don't make sexual advances and take the lead. Guys are supposed to be the sexual initiator, if you're waiting for her do that it will turn her off

Well then spend slightly less time on your hobbies and more time socialising Focusing purely on hobbies at the expense of building a social life is a bad idea. It will make you lonely and then you will be worse at your hobbies Actually, the simplest solution is to take up some social hobbies.

How is your free time so limited? You must be working super long hours at your job With a standard 40 hour work week it's very possible to have Work + Several Hobbies + Socialising going on during your week There is no cure to loneliness other than connecting with people. You're going to have to bite the bullet and start socialsing more at some point. Start social hobbies, that's the best place to start

Jesus, I had a quick look through their main forum section. Anyone who spends any time in that community deserves everything they get in life (or rather don't get)

It barely matters. Just go do your own approaching Worrying about how many approaches others have done is kind of just your mind trying to distract you from the work you need to do It would be like asking a professional basketball player how many dunks he's practiced over the course of his career

Can I make a formal request to insta-ban anyone who refers to girls as 'Females'

Nice! Clubs can be scary but trust me you’re gonna have some great times. Good luck

Yea I like this explanation Not accepting that there are midpoints between male and female seems like such a strange hill to die on to me. Just acknowledge that the construction of gender/sex isn’t perfect and has enough edge cases and blurred lines that we need to be open to deconstructing it a little bit and handling those edge cases healthily It doesn’t even affect the vast majority of people’s lives to accept this fact @vizual Btw your numbers are way off. There are estimates that put the rate of people born with some intersex traits as high as 1.7% (roughly 1 in 60) of the population. Similar to the number born with red hair. Again it depends on your definition of intersex, the lower bound with the most conservative and strict definition is 0.05% (1 in 2,000). Either way it is far from negligible The fact we can’t even precisely define exactly what constitutes intersex is also worth noting here

I mean... yes... Our brains want to divide up reality into neat little boxes because it's useful. But some of those boxes are going to fall apart more easily than others. As it turns out, gender seems to be one where there are a lot of cases that blur the lines and so we need to account for that Except intersex people, who are literally both

If you take a human male and a human female and start replacing parts of the male with parts of the female atom by atom, at some point they become female. When is that? If male and female are not conceptual constructs like you say then you must be able to point at a concrete line during this process at which the male becomes female If you can't tell me exactly where that line is, then there is no concrete boundary between male and female in your mind It's not even like this is mental masturbation, because intersex people are literal examples of this thought experiment

ya @Hardkill you ask a lot of questions, but ultimately you’re gonna need to get some experience if you want results. Randomish questions on a forum online ain’t gonna cut it

Easy Pretty much everyone can get good at any sport to an above average level through mastery and time. But not everyone can get to the very top. That requires genetic luck. Same with relationships. Yea if you wanna be in the top 5% of guys sexually you’re gonna need some genetic gifts but you can get pretty high up that chart without any special genetic gifts in the same way you improve at a sport

I think she said she’d expect it in the first month or something, don’t remember exactly

I had a convo with @Preety_India about this recently, apparently saying I love you super early on is the norm in Indian culture and is expected of guys So it might not be as uncalibrated as it seems

The point is it’s hard to mediate and be spiritual when you’re literally starving And maybe improving your spirituality can help you understand your desire for food, help you pick better foods etc. but if you’re so poor that you can’t even feed yourself any food at all, spirituality is not where you should start That is where many guys are when it comes to sex I’m mainly just trying to encourage you not to give the “spiritual” style dating advice to guys who struggle with women because it’s likely to rub them up the wrong way. That only works for women and for guys who have already got a decent dating life

@Gianna Again I’m not saying that what you’re saying is necessarily wrong per se, but I think that guys who struggle with women usually need practical advice Framing it as a spiritual problem is likely to lead to a lot of frustration in guys, even if it is the ultimate solution to the problem. It’s very hard to do that kind of high level spiritual thinking when you aren’t even getting your basic material sexual needs met It’s like trying to meditate to cure your hunger

This is an unhealthy frame IMO. Most of the time a girl mentioning her ex is not a shit test. If they were together for any reasonable amount of time it will be almost impossible for her not to mention them to you Also shit test is usually a thing girls do to overconfident guys when they approach them to try and see if they are really as confident as they appear at first. I’m not sure this meets that definition

That’s a bit harsh. I suppose it depends on you and the girl though I’ve had some discussion about my exes and girl’s exes before. Usually it’s referencing activities they’d done before or just general stories from her past. Obviously it’s not great if she starts talking longingly about her ex, but your masculinity should be able to handle your girl talking about events in her past that involve her ex every now and then

Lol. I agree with most of the other things you’ve said, but this is just not how most guys experience dating and girls Many guys can’t get a single girl, let alone be picky about which girls they chase. A lot of guys end up very feeling very scarce when it comes to girls and it’s usually not because they’re being too picky. It’s usually a much deeper issue to do with social skills and sense of self worth

For couples earning roughly the same (prob the most common setup) anything but the 50/50 mindset is going to be unhealthy If you earn a decent living say 40k a year and I’m making twice or thrice that then yea I should pay a bit more. Maybe 75/25, because we’re going to be living a more expensive lifestyle in line with my earnings that it would be unfair to expect you to contribute 50/50 to But girls making a reasonable wage should always be expected to contribute a reasonable amount to the cost of living

I think we probably agree on roughly what the balance should be based on this, my main point was that I think immediately leaving him is a bit harsh Most students get their first full time job around 21-22 so I imagine it is probably his first time making real world money. Give him a year or two of sympathy to be cautious and learn what he can get away with spending each month I was pretty stingy with money when I first got my job a year ago, now I’d say I’m actually over spending a bit the past few months. It’s a very tricky thing to balance but I think starting on the side of stingy and learning to be abundant is better than having to reign in your over-spending I see a few dudes my age wearing £2000 outfits that they bought with Klarna and are now drowning in debt. That’s an abundant mindset but it’s a million times worse than being stingy about meals and gym memberships, and it’s far harder to recover from It is also possible he’s just naturally going to be extremely scarce and stingy and if that never changes despite communication with him then I totally agree, she should leave if she’s not happy and he isn’t listening

I agree. He’s being a cheap bastard. But it seems an unfair reason to leave him without even talking about it. The dude is also young and probably a bit anxious about how he handles his money If this was an older guy I would actually be more inclined to agree with you, but as a young guy who has recently started a full time job I can sympathise with wanting to be cautious with money once you start earning it IMO if both parties earn above a certain amount its 50/50 every time with occasional treats from one to the other If I’m working and dating a student I’ll pay maybe 75% of the time but I’m not there to finance this girls university stay, she still has to pay her own way sometimes or I feel like I’m being taken advantage of

Throw in some balls to the walls partying every Saturday and that’s basically paradise

I like that this is all you took from that comment Dude, you’re looking for excuses, I’m sorry I know it’s scary. It feels like it would take so much time and effort to attract girls. But it’s not as bad as it seems And it’s certainly better than the alternative of sitting alone in your room forever