something_else

I'm honestly not sure how to process this girl's messages over the past few days. Maybe someone here can give me some insight I met this girl at a club on Saturday night, she was there with her friend. I ended up making out with her pretty quick and we stuck around each other most of the night for several hours, making out and dancing, and trying to find her friend a guy. Towards the end of the night I ended up losing her in the club, she went off to talk with a group of people in the smoking area and I went to the bathroom, when I came back she was talking to a big group of people, including a girl that I'd previously slept with and who just happened to be in the club again that night, WHAT ARE THE FUCKING CHANCES. Anyway, I did not want to deal with that, so I figured I'd come back and find her later when she'd moved away from that group. Turns out that was a mistake because I couldn't find her later at all. Oh well... I had her snapchat, she snapped me when she was back home but I was already asleep by then. I replied in the morning, she totally blanked me. Oh well... whatever. Then, then next day she sent me a snap with all the different pricing tiers for buying her nudes??? What in the fuck?? I think I replied 'Lmaooo, you can fuck right off, I'm not paying for something I can get plenty of for free, I'll stick to the real thing thanks' which she, as expected, totally blanked. Again, oh well. At this point I was seriously questioning if she was a hooker and she was gonna try to get me to pay to fuck her on Saturday, and all the kissing etc. was totally fake. But... then... today, she sent me a snap saying "Sorry, I just thought you were really cute and I kinda just wanted to get closer to you <3"... What, by getting me to buy your nudes?? What is this girl's game here? Is she actually interested in me, or is she trying to extract money from me?

This is my plan

Get some hobbies. Fill your weeknights up with shit to do. Martial arts, board games, climbing, hiking, cycling, gym, yoga, other sports... Anything that involves leaving the house.

It still doesn't completely add up though, even though I've made it perfectly clear she's getting no money whatsoever (twice), she keeps messaging me. I like how she looks, and part of me definitely gets off on the idea that I could get a girl that other guys are paying money wishing they had. I'm not sure how healthy that is, but the thought has entered my mind and it makes me feel good. The way I see it there's no harm in continuing to message her and see where it goes. I'm not fussed if it goes nowhere, but may as well see what happens. I honestly cannot get into the mind of a human male who would pay a girl for nudes. If anything, go buy a hooker. The idea of parting with my money to see nudes of a girl is so far out of the realm of consciousness for me that I actually can't empathise with guys who do it. It makes no sense to me. Idk man, she seems quite invested. If she was really a hooker she would not need to spend so much time on one guy on a night out, she'd move around She's sent that one thing asking for money, but she's said/sent about 10 different "I'm interested in you" messages. She said she was worried I was a fuck boy and that I'd just use her, lol. So what makes this so weird is that there's essentially one "pay me for nudes" message in amongst tons of other actions/comments that scream genuine interest

Yes, exactly

Are you leaving out a part of the story where she shouts at you for nothing? I re-read that part of your thread, all you say is that she didn't give you attention, and was cold when you spoke to her. The main story of your thread is about a pharmacy clerk who you believe disrespected you Your thread is titled 'Sometimes I want to kill people' And after that story you talk about how you understand why people want to kill when they are disrespected. I believe my interpretation is perfectly fair. It wasn't meant to be advice, it was meant to tell you that your emotional response in this situation seemed very over the top to me, and encourage you to be less fragile about similar situations. I'm not immune to human insult and disrespect at all, far from it. I have social anxiety, that shit hits hard. But it doesn't make me wanna insult, hurt or kill people over small matters of disrespect

Sometimes it is rooted in insecurity, if it's excessive. But there is also value to exploring and seeing what's out there. When you go to buy a new car, you don't just pick the first one you stumble into, you look about and see what's available and best suited to you There is also a lot of value to going out and having tons of cool new sexual and social experiences for guys in that it forces you to exit your comfort zone a lot and develop charisma, social skills, masculinity etc.

How many girls have you spoken to in clubs in your entire life?

This was what I thought. But she's now telling me she really liked me and wants to get to know me. She lives kinda far away and she's saying she wants to come meet up again when she's next nearby. But it doesn't make sense to me why she'd start with trying to get me to buy her nudes if that's the case, lol. Maybe she was attracted to me telling her to get lost after she asked that? Lol. I remember @Leo Gura telling a similar story about a girl texting him to buy her jewellery and him telling her to get lost, next day she sent a message asking to go on a date

Dude, what? She didn't even do anything to you! 'She didn't give me immediate attention and was slightly cold towards me, so she has totally disrespected me and ruined my day. Now I want to murder her' If you're this fragile in social interactions, you're absolutely fucked my man

This is so dumb It’s actually like a bunch of children arguing he said she said IMO her motives are definitely not entirely pure. It’s not clout chasing, and I’m sure she cares deeply about women’s rights, but she definitely enjoys the drama of socially policing her colleagues on twitter and using her power to go after their jobs

This is roughly what I am thinking. I'm not going to neg or be toxic in that way, but I'm not gonna get super invested either. If she starts showing heavy interest, I'll play along and see what happens. I'm slightly curious now, more than anything. She hits a lot of my attraction triggers looks wise, which doesn't help

Brilliant

I get that it seems really obvious, but she was super into me in-person. And I've made it perfectly clear she's getting no money whatsoever from me and yet she keeps messaging me. That's what confuses me

I disagree, it stems from abundance. If you had 5 girls interested in you, you would not really fuss over the least attractive one that much, you would put minimal effort into conversations, only respond to part of their message, maybe make some vague plans but nothing concrete, forget parts of the conversation because you weren't really paying attention, forget about planned dates, all the classical flaky behaviour happens when you have a low investment in someone It's like if you have 10 recruiters offering you a job on LinkedIn. You don't really go through and reject them all, you just choose the best one and move forward with that. During the process, maybe you briefly (and with minimal effort) engage with a few others to keep them around in case the best one falls through.

Dude, you need to ground yourself. Stop believing everything you read cos some floating head on YT told you it's true. You have NO IDEA if what Leo said is true. Leo gives you some tools to investigate for yourself. But until you investigate for yourself and have your own experiences, you should not be adopting everything Leo said as gospel.

I get what you're saying, but this is really deep down just a toxic way to view long-term relationships. This kind of thinking works for building attraction, it doesn't work for creating lasting, fulfilling relationships. You should not be thinking in terms of "if she does this, I'm going to do this to show her who's boss" If someone is breaking your boundaries, you talk to them about it and assert your boundaries. If things don't change, you leave. You don't start trying to emotionally abuse/manipulate, your partner to assert dominance

It's interesting, there's definitely been an uptick in hate videos about actualized.org recently. Before the past few months, the only thing I've really seen was the rather comical rationalwiki entry. In the past two months, I've seen two channels dedicated exclusivley to actualized hate, and one channel that talks about it extensively. Maybe since doing a couple of public interviews, more people were exposed to Leo who really hate him Might also be that the clips videos can reach a wider audience. Either way, I'm pretty sure an uptick in hate videos like these is actually probably a good sign that actualized content is reaching more people.

The dude who called her out is prob closest to my stance I think she was right to call out the joke tweet, I can see why she would think it’s sexist. Joke tweets like that are fine on meme accounts etc. but they don’t really have a place on a serious journalists’ account However I think she overreacted, and it sounds like she has a habit of going after peoples livelihood as her primary weapon, which IMO is definitely bullying I also very much dislike how she responds to the fairly level headed dude who calls her out He makes valid, level headed points and she decides he’s trying to attack her, which is really over-dramatic

Because regular people don’t party? Especially in like the 18-25 age range it’s literally just normal people who go out partying, especially students. Yea, they’re gonna be a bit less serious on the whole, but they’re just normal people, many of whom want relationships too And yea, typically things start pretty casual if you meet at clubs but transitioning that into something more serious is not really out of the question

Why is this a problem?

This sounds like it’s fear based on some unpleasant experiences you’ve had my dude… This is not something most girls are gonna do

Gigs for music you like are another really good option. They have a few advantages over clubs: Already have shared interest with people there Generally more socially acceptable to go solo There’s less of a ‘trashy’ vibe that you sometimes get at clubs If you like introverted girls, you’re probably more likely to meet one here than at a club But they’re still super densely packed places with lots of girls. Disadvantages can be that they finish earlier and often cost a lot more than clubs, but still a good option to bear in mind

You realise that the girls who go to clubs are often just normal girls, right? Yea you’re gonna have a higher distribution of party girls there than in the general population but for the most part it’s just normal girls… especially in the typical student age range of 18-25

The problem is that in order to create meaningful change, you usually need to admit that you are not perfect, or that there are problems with yourself. Which is by definition what a narcissist struggles with the most