something_else

So, I do appreciate what you post here. And oftentimes I agree with you. But I did get a distinct vibe of "this guy has consumed way too much theory without much practice" from you which is why I asked. This particular post was a strong example of that. Most of the issues people have with dating don't really come from a lack of theoretical understanding. It's to do with getting yourself into the correct emotional state, dealing with fear, anxiety, knowing the right locations to go to, learning to be more sociable, building up a social circle etc. These things are very hard for someone with only a theoretical understanding to advise upon, because you don't have much experience with the emotional rollercoaster of relationships. You're basically applying IQ to a problem that fundamentally requires you to develop EQ. Wrong tool for the job. This is a warning sign to me. I would not normally take advice from someone who has only applied their own advice once or twice. If all of your theory is so useful to you, and works so well, why have you not gone out and applied it more?

Trying to do too many different things at once rather than concentrating your efforts Believing what someone (e.g. a spiritual teacher) tells you at face value, without doing your own investigations

No for all of these, girl's attraction very rarely changes over time. If a girl isn't attracted to you there's little you can do to change that. Unfortunately your best bet is to move on. Think of how many other girls there are out there! There are probably 1000 other girls you'd be attracted to within walking distance of you right now. Don't waste your time on a girl who won't reciprocate. I'd keep her as a friend if you think you can handle that, having female friends is good

Out of curiosity, how much direct experience do you have in this area?

Really well said

Might be an undiagnosed knee injury. Those things are pretty fragile, especially the ligaments. If you live in a country with free healthcare or you're not poor, it's worth getting it looked at by a physiotherapist or a doctor

This is basically what a FWB is lol Don't get hung up on the terminology. It's just a term meaning casual sex. The friend part is not really relevant. And it's rarely just sex. Most of the time it's a person you have great chemistry with but neither of you are at a time in life when you feel like you want a committed relationship. It's exactly what you want, but you're inventing a new description for it to avoid the negative stigmas you have in your mind towards FWB and casual sex. It's a very feminine thing to do and culture pressures you to shame this part of yourself, so I don't blame you.

Oh, ok. Then just get yourself a FWB or two and stop caring about commitment at all for now. That's how you are gonna get the most masculine energy if that's what you really want. It's not being used for sex if you enjoy it too. Once you've had your fill then start going back looking for something committed. Or perhaps one of your FWB relationships turns into something more committed by itself. This is a much healthier approach

So you want an exclusive casual relationship where you're not even having sex? Now I'm just confused. At that point you're just friends. What even is the point? Well, you're right. But you're right because women offer sex. That's the only reason they can choose whatever they want in the dating market. But it seems you're not offering that. So most guys are gonna be less willing to compromise on strange relationship setups, especially if they involve commitment. I'm trying to find a way to write this that isn't going to trigger you, but I've decided to just be straight. Locking guys into sexless relationships and using them for intimacy is a very leechy dating tactic. In this setup, a guy is getting very very little value from you so you're going to be limited to very desperate men and you'll probably have trouble getting them to stay with you. Especially if you're looking at men from sexually liberal countries like the Europe, the US or the UK.

I'm simply giving you my perspective and drawing on some experience I have. Of course you have no obligation to listen to anything I say, but you made a thread asking for advice/perspectives and I gave it, so no need to get angry. You have a tendency to react very aggressively to advice that you don't like I mean... yes to an extent. Just because there's someone out there who will get into this with you doesn't mean it's a good idea for either of you to do it. By all means go looking for it and see for yourself. Things will get messy because neither of you will really know what sort of relationship you are in and what the boundaries are. Men especially are often not particularly fond of this sort of emotional drama and lack of clarity in relationships either. Just go have some fun casual relationships until you're ready for something more serious again. It sounds like you want to be very possessive over guys, which can prevent you from being able to build relationships with the most masculine/attractive dudes who aren't gonna be so fond of that

One of the girls I was seeing recently wanted this kind of relationship. It was extremely confusing. When I ended things I said it was because I wasn't ready for a relationship and she kept talking about how she agreed and didn't want a relationship either and so we should stay together. But she wanted us to do everything that people in a relationship do No man wants to navigate a situation like that, it's messy and awkward as fuck, and someone's gonna get hurt You can't have it both ways. You either commit to a guy or you suck up your ego and go have some more casual relationships with zero obligations. Casual doesn't mean no emotional connection, it just means you have to be secure enough to not be remotely possessive or jealous over them

It's pretty normal to send a text after you go on a date, don't overthink it. Maybe don't send it the second you get home after the date but later on in the day or the next morning is not needy

Dude why have you not texted her? She's probably thinking you're not interested in her. Just text her and tell her you had a good time and you wanna do it again sometime. It takes 20 seconds to write a text

In theory this is true, but in practice you need to develop some of those traditional 'try hard' masculine attributes. They will get girls attracted to you. Then you can learn why that approach is limited and become more authentic. But it's hard to go from a guy who lacks in masculinity to a guy who has transcended the inauthentic masculine traits without first actually developing some of them first. Being authentic is actually really difficult to do without first pushing your comfort zone. And pushing your comfort zone often involves trying out lots of things that aren't necessarily authentic to you

You wanna move about the club with them and see if they follow your lead. That's one of the most effective ways of telling if a girl is into you. Usually if you meet a girl on the dance floor, dance with her for a bit, see if there's physical chemistry. Then take her somewhere more quiet to talk and build up a connection. And vice versa, if you meet her in a quiet part of the club then build a connection there first. Then take her to the dance floor, dance, and build up some physical chemistry. Then you can kind of switch back and forward between these two over the course of the night whenever you feel like it. Just move her about the club and see what fun you two can have around the venue. Also, go and meet her friends and joke around with them too. You wanna make a good impression on her friends, join their social group, show that you're fun and safe to all of them. It's also so hot to make out with a girl on the dance floor. As far as I can tell most girls really enjoy it too if they're attracted to you, so that's another really good way to build up physical chemistry. I can't think of a single time that a girl who was willing to dance with me and follow me about the club rejected me when I went to kiss her. So you shouldn't be scared of going in for a make out if she's showing signs of interest. Basically at a high level what you want to do is create as much of an emotional footprint on her as possible, and if she keeps following your lead then you're doing well and she probably won't just desert you in the club. If you want to leave her for a bit to get a drink or go to the bathroom, make sure you tell her where you'll meet her when you come back. Again, if you've done a good job at the previous stages, she'll follow your lead and wait for you. If she isn't there when you get back and you can't find her nearby then prob just move onto the next girl.

I think the interpretations of your friends here are a little harsh. I think the most accurate explanation is that, generally, people you know do not like it when you change Change in yourself is threatening, change in others in ‘your tribe’ can also be threatening and so people tend to react badly to it The solution is still probably to distance yourself from these people, but don’t demonise them

I'm 22 now and I'd probably be willing to date anyone in the age range of 18-25. I'd sleep with girls older than that, but I don't think a relationship would work beyond 24 or 25. I tend to attract girls in the 18-20 range and the 25-30 range most easily, which I suppose makes sense lol.

In my experience you do actually need to be a good texter for online dating. I've probably gone on 20 or so dates from online, and in almost every case there was a lot of texting beforehand. A few times I've taken the advice of just trying to set up a date pretty quick and it never works for me with girls I've met online. Like I can't think of a single time I've gone on a date with a girl where there wasn't at least a few days of fairly frequent texting first. You gotta remember that for younger girls (the girls in my age range) if you end up dating you're gonna be texting back and forward a fuck ton, if you don't have some chemistry over text that isn't gonna work so well. A girl is also worried about her safety with online dating as well For situations where you meet a girl out in the real world and she's already had a chance to experience your presence, get attracted to you, feel safe around you etc. I guess it's far less important. But online, all a girl really has to go on is your looks and your texting. If your looks are not 9/10 you gotta at least be fun over text to get anywhere The above is one of the many reasons I wouldn't recommend online dating, lol.

Out of curiosity, what’s the story here?

The system I've seen is 'half your age plus seven' for a lower bound of who you should be dating Seems like a pretty decent guideline

Humans are completely and utterly terrible at intuiting probability theory I don’t know if I’d say Bayesian logic is useless. I remember from uni that it has some excellent applications for creating ‘AI’ that behaves perfectly rationally based on the info it has available And scientifically it’s pretty useful too

It doesn’t read like one

How about don’t do that lol

This is just not how relationships are gonna work in reality. When cheating actually happens, your emotional reaction will override any of the rational planning/discussion you've done

Why do you believe this is impossible?