something_else

This is true for lots of things that are fine in moderation. Beyond spreading awareness of that, it's not really clear what else you can do. Banning porn or sugary sweets is extreme and impractical

All valid points, I did mention earlier that I don't think it's healthy when used as a coping mechanism to avoid actually finding a partner or having sex.

You say it isn't healthy, but can you point to anything concretely unhealthy about it?

Just because some people cannot moderate themselves does not make the thing itself bad. Take other addictive things like heroin, cigarettes, sugary sweets, for each of these you can point to concrete health problems that occur as a result of excess consumption. With porn are there really any concrete health issues you can point to? Probably the biggest issues are the ethical implications of funding the porn industry, and causing strain on relationships. The porn industry isn't super ethical, but you can consume amateur porn to bypass that. If your partner isn't happy with you watching porn I can see it causing strain on your relationship, but if they don't care then it's a moot point. Most couples I've met don't really seem to care if their partner watches porn. Aside from that I can't really think of anything else. Maybe causing people to have unrealistic views on sex? But again I don't really think that's universally true. I've found that porn has actually improved my sex life if anything.

I would argue social media addiction is much more prevalent. There are a lot more people spending 4-5+ hours a day scrolling on social media than there are people spending 4-5+ hours per day watching porn. For most people who watch porn it's like 30 mins per day, if that.

This is definitely a fair point. I would argue that cigarettes are worse because they will actually kill you, but I get your point. I mean are any of these things objectively bad in moderation? There isn't really anything inherently wrong with novelty and easy dopamine unless you indulge to excess.

I'm not sure that's universally true. 'coping' usually that means it's being used to cope with some deep emotional issue. Plenty of people just watch porn because they're horny and emotions don't really play into it at all. Yea, that makes sense. It's a nuanced issue with lots of factors playing into it. Demonising it or glorifying it are both incorrect perspectives.

I think you’re over-generalising your own experience here. For some people this is definitely the case, for others it isn’t. It’s a nuanced issue. I have a feeling that the dynamic here often stems from porn use driven by loneliness / FOMO. If you’re using porn to cope with those things instead of actually having sex then that creates a lot of guilt, which takes a massive toll on your body. If there is no dynamic to create the guilt then it’s just not that harmful. Also, if you believe porn is harmful then placebo takes over and you convince yourself it’s hurting you more than it really is.

Hard drugs (heroin, meth) Cigarettes Alcoholism High sugar / ultra processed foods Social media addiction Gambling Social isolation Air pollution Sedentary lifestyle Sleep deprivation culture Late stage capitalism Billionaires Housing crises Poverty in general Chronic stress / hustle culture Shopping addiction Lack of third spaces for socialisation Climate change War I could continue, this is not an exhaustive list

How anybody still believes a word that comes out of Trump’s mouth is one of life’s great mysteries

I can think of so many things worse than porn for society that I don’t even know where to start listing them because too many things are coming to mind

This is probably the single best thing I’ve ever done to improve my social skills. Any kind of solo travel is just amazing, but I agree Asia is probably the best place to start with. Possibly the only downside to using solo travel to develop social skills is that you’re often not spending enough time with people to develop super deep friendships. The longest I spent with one group was 3 week, and we’ll likely be lifelong friends, but it’s not the same kind of friendship you can develop with somebody who lives in your country and who you get to know for years. Aside from that it’s amazing for getting over the fear of meeting new people without having to resort to something like pickup

This is the key. I’d add that it really helps to find some neurodivergent extroverts with good people skills. These people will allow you to be sociable but remove a lot of the effort and pressure placed upon you to handle the basic social rules/customs that you may struggle with.

I can't imagine ever finding this enjoyable personally, but each to their own. Even if the guy liked being cucked, I don't think I have it in me to do that to another person. I certainly don't think I'd enjoy it happening to me. I did very briefly date a girl who said she'd enjoy being cucked by watching me have sex with other woman, but that's the only time I've ever actually experienced anything like this in real life.

Oh boy, some of the dudes he interviews truly are deplorable though. I get the sentiment behind what you’re saying but these are not the kind of influencers you want anybody to look up to

Yes, you should. Vulnerability from a place of strength is hot. Nobody likes people who make all of their problems yours, but if you show insight and self awareness into your own weaknesses and problems without directly putting them onto her to solve, she will appreciate that a lot and probably support you.

There is no point in us discussing this anymore if you aren't capable of giving a mature response to that last point, it shows that you are not capable of the self-awareness required for a healthy debate. I feel I have given my best effort to be fair and open to your POV. All I can say is good luck, and I wish you the best.

The entire family will be together in mornings, evenings, weekends and some weekdays depending on work patterns. It's common for parents to work part time while raising a kid so they get to spend more time together. That's plenty of time to raise a healthy child and create a healthy family dynamic. It’s actually pretty rare for people to say positive things about the other gender as a whole. Humans tend to praise individuals close to them and criticise groups that feel more distant. That’s just how our brains are wired. It’s also convenient to talk about patterns within a group by referring to the whole group, without literally meaning every individual in it. In that sense, something similar might be happening here. You’re treating feminists as a single like-minded group rather than a large collection of individuals with different views. There’s a lot of nuance within feminism, just as there is within men as a group. It might also be worth asking why feminism is such an appealing message to so many women in the first place, even if you ultimately disagree with parts of it. You don't have to change your mind, but creating a steelman of the opposing point of view can be a good way to open your mind and expand your own point of view.

I live in a country with good parental leave, so typically the mother is with the child full-time for the first year regardless. After that, nursery or daycare usually just means a few hours during the day. Mornings, evenings, weekends, and often some weekdays are still spent with the child. Plenty of healthy families make that arrangement work. I’m curious though, how many feminists have you actually spoken to in real life about this? And how did those conversations go? I ask because the claim that feminists never say anything positive about men doesn’t really match my experience of people in the real world. I’ve met some who clearly have a very negative view of men, but they’ve always seemed like a minority. Often when they do feel that way it’s because of very negative experiences they’ve had with men in their lives.

I can understand the point about children benefiting from seeing a healthy relationship at home. That seems pretty widely supported. Where I’m less convinced is the step where feminism necessarily means a mother hates men or can’t sustain a relationship. Plenty of women who would describe themselves as feminists are in long-term marriages, and plenty of non-feminist couples divorce. It sounds like the bigger issue in the situation you’re describing is a parent having a very negative view of men, rather than feminism itself. Those aren’t necessarily the same thing.

I actually grew up with a single mother who also saw herself as strong and independent as well, so I do understand that experience to some extent. That’s partly why I’m unsure about the conclusion though. Lots of people grow up in single-parent households for all sorts of reasons. Why do you see that as specifically a result of feminism rather than just the choices or circumstances of two individuals? Do you think your life would necessarily have been better if your parents had stayed together? In my case, although I was upset about it at the time, in hindsight it probably was the best outcome. I would have had more influence from my dad if they’d stayed married, but the relationship between my parents was unhealthy in other ways, so growing up in that environment might actually have been worse.

I'm not saying you're unhealthy. I'm asking out of genuine curiosity. You clearly feel very strongly about feminism, and when someone has that level of anger toward an ideology it's natural to wonder what experiences led them there. If you're arguing that feminism is a widespread and harmful ideology, that suggests it has had some concrete negative impact on your life or the lives of people around you. I'm simply interested in understanding what those impacts have been. I'm not trying to attack you, just trying to understand where you're coming from.

I will, but I'm also quite curious about your personal reasons as well. It seems to play a very big, almost dramatic ('battle against feminism') role in your life and I'm just curious if there's a deeper reason for that and what that may be, I find it interesting

Out of curiosity, what personal experiences are you drawing upon to create this intense dislike of feminism? Is it based on some intense negative personal experience?

Who hurt you?