zazen

It can help firstly to understand why you feel those negative feelings of repulsion at her past. From a evolutionary biology perspective if she has entertained other men your hind brain kicks into over drive as it won't know if her children will be your children and so your paternity isn't secured. This is why men guard their women and get jealous, it is natural so don't beat yourself up over it. Having said that, just awareness of this fact can help to subside those feelings. In todays world we have paternity tests, we can use protection etc. Our jealousy drive is in over drive in the modern world because your girl is being hit on or shown to many men (other prospects) via social media, interacting with many people in big cities etc, this is something all men have to deal with today. Do NOT make long term decisions over short term feelings. If you let her stay open to other prospects via social media, or she still talks to and about her ex's these are not the best signs she can pair bond and stay loyal to you, she is still hung up on her past lovers and may just be with you as the secure option. She has to show she's loyal and show girlfriend behaviour ie (cut off ex's communication unless you know for fact your way better than them and nothing to fear, stop advertising social media and having a public profile etc). That is unfortunately where we are at today. Don't be negative, realise your the prize, and she has to prove she's worthy of a relation ship with YOU. You have to be her best sexual option and know it before committing, have better experiences, sexual and otherwise than her past so she doesn't even think of the past.

Exercise and meditation. Exercise releases and moves the energy around the body and gets you good at feeling your body or being 'embodied' which will help in your meditation. Meditation helps to feel that circulating energy and move it up towards the upper body away from the base chakra (balls). You also learn to just observe this energy and create a distance to it, so when the urge arises in daily life you can sit back and watch it come and go away without needing to act on it. Having a quieter mind (through meditation) helps as sexual thoughts leads the body towards a sexual state. Also be wary of your environment. Don't expose yourself to porn, insta babes too much if that is what your doing. Society is hyper sexualised yet under sexed at the same time for a lot of people. No fap can be frustrating if that pent up energy isn't being used. Release but without porn if you have to.

Intimacy - in to me see. We all want to be seen by another because we haven't seen into ourselves yet. It can be tricky and elusive because we are the closest thing to ourself, and the other just helps to bring out aspects of ourself we didn't know we had. People can act as mirrors and show us to ourselves, and if we don't love ourselves we hide away from such mirrors or introspection. A meditation practice will be very grounding and aid in feeling complete, and in feeling 'seen' because that is exactly what you do in meditation, you become witness to yourself, to life pulsing in you and thus you no longer feel alienated. Then you can share that completeness with another person rather than look to them for that completeness. It is a beautiful experience to share your celebration with another human, than to be with another person as a coping mechanism.

Men and women have paternal and maternal instincts, this doesn't always need to be expressed to your own biological children but can be channelled towards other spheres. You can be motherly to your community, in your work, in your day to day living. In our generation there may be less fathers and mothers but that doesn't have to stop us from being fatherly or motherly.

Thank you. Truth can be bitter in the beginning but sweet in the end, and lies can be sweet in the beginning but bitter in the end. Seeing life what it is eventually brings peace from which joy arises, seeing life for what it could be brings hope from which enthusiasm arises. Look forward to contributing and learning from the forum where I can.

Its a self development forum, and this section is literally called Dating,relationships,sexuality lol. Spirituality includes all but is not contained by all. We are spirits incarnated into the physical, from carnal (flesh, we are in flesh), also where carnivore (flesh eating) and carnival (celebration of the flesh) comes from. Relationship and sexuality is central to the human experience and a lot of men are struggling with it today. As Leo mentioned one cause is lack of social skills from growing up in front of screens. Pick up and now red pill was a reaction to this difficulty, which has its negative sides also. The red pill concept comes from the Matrix series meaning to see the truth, and thats what it tries to do, see the truth of human behaviour, in particular why we mate the way we do. The way people react to it is the problem, and comes from a defeatist attitude, which then sets into rage and nihilism and in its extreme form the black bill and incels.

A lot of red pillers can become bitter by reality and rage sets in but they must realise this instinct (hypergamy - to reward and procreate with strength) is what drove men to raise themselves, and in doing so raise civilisation along with it, along side women. Without this evolutionary pressure we wouldn't be where we are today. Realise it for what it is, a beautiful mechanism of which a lot of it is subconscious - forgive them for they know not what they do. The 'bad boys' or 'barbaric men' on a deep level are displaying strength, although in its negative form. In today's society where long term security is taken care of by the state or women's ability to earn, women are more inclined to look to other aspect of what men provide which is the more biological short term related strength or sexy genes and is emotionally charged. For this reason we have most women going for the top 10-20% of men leaving other men behind. Before access to these men were limited by geography, technology, smaller populations, religious values (shaming culture) but now with technology and the modern culture we live in a global sexual market place where women have these men at their fingertips. Their biology (and hypergamous instinct is screaming at them - what if i can do better and mate with a higher caliber man). In the same way the top tier of men are also being teased by the availability of women at their finger tips also. When sexuality isn't buffered/contained by cultural or religious incentives and is left unchecked it can destabilise society unless that society evolved in their consciousness. Religions problem was that they didn't contain but cut off people from their sexuality and instinct, the other extreme. The only solution I can think of is either sex evolves in their consciousness. Women evolve in the way that they are able to be happy with their partner and evolve past their hypergamous instinct telling them to see what else is out there, or to not run back to their bad boy lover ex. Or if women are going to only go for the 'alphas' the men left behind have to evolve and channel their sexuality to higher pursuits or just become better and provide women the sexual arousal their bodies react to and desire to satisfy that side of them. Maybe all this loneliness and fragmentation which leads to emotional trauma will lead people to spirituality/actualisation which is part of the evolution also. In the past, men who didn't have access to women (ie Middle eastern society where harems were a thing) they would go into war. In present day, these men are sedated in many ways via porn, entertainment etc Another path of evolution is for the top men getting all the attention to turn down and by pass their biological instinct to mate with anything that moves knowing that it isn't good for society at large. Or everyone becomes so evolved we can all make love to each other or don't need it all together in that form (sexually) but we are very far off from that reality. Its all part of the dance of evolution.

Maybe these red pill theories aren't always false, and it can be factual. It's just the way its presented is in a negative manner, and it also hurts peoples sensibilities as raw human nature can be quite cold. Of course, we aren't just human animals but human beings, but we also have to take a look at the animal within us and which is part of our evolution. Coca's other thread about traditional women/men etc was a good place to continue the discussion. I had made two I think well formed comments and the thread was just locked. Being a self development forum we need to able to look at things for what they are, and when people comment in a certain manner maybe try discussing and showing another point of view to help them.

To add to above, another path of evolution is for the top men getting all the attention to turn down and by pass their biological instinct to mate with anything that moves knowing that it isn't good for society at large. Or everyone becomes so evolved we can all make love to each other or don't need it all together in that form (sexually) but we are very far off from that reality. Iv had first hand experience with this so its not all theory, Iv had girls complain about their boyfriends while leaning up on me in bed after a party. A girl who wanted something serious with me which I wasn't ready for, marry a guy have his baby and want to 'see me' when visiting town, and this was a religious girl in that traditional sense. In both cases I turned them down , and these are just two. Our biology is the hardware, our culture and society is the software that over rides our biology. We are animal by nature, human being by nurture. The modern day is just presenting our biology to us, and our moral tendencies and societal programming isn't too happy with the facts. The modern environment just makes it too easy to live out our animal instinct. I question whether I should sleep around (not hook up) but date different women knowing Im not interested in anything long term ( I don't lead them on in any way ) knowing that it can cause emotional distress to them and their future relationship/ability to be happy. I understand a lot of guys have the opposite problem and Leo advises them to go out and get dates also. Im open to learning

Delivery is just as important as the content delivered. Women are evolved to respond to strength. We only just created a somewhat stable environment. Women now have financial security but the physical and emotionally security needs are still present. The body is aroused by strength/sexiness (emotionally-short term) the head is attracted (logically-long term) to security. Women seek the strength for survival, but also seek that strength long term so it translates into protection and provisioning. A lot of red pillers can become bitter by reality and rage sets in but they must realise this instinct (hypergamy - to reward and procreate with strength) is what drove men to raise themselves, and in doing so raise civilisation along with it, along side women. Without this evolutionary pressure we wouldn't be where we are today. Realise it for what it is, a beautiful mechanism of which a lot of it is subconscious - forgive them for they know not what they do. The 'bad boys' or 'barbaric men' on a deep level are displaying strength, although in its negative form. In today's society where long term security is taken care of by the state or women's ability to earn, women are more inclined to look to other aspect of what men provide which is the more biological short term related strength or sexy genes and is emotionally charged, and thus also fleeting. For this reason we have most women going for the top 10-20% of men leaving other men behind. Before access to these men were limited by geography, smaller populations, religion and monogamous values but now with technology and modern culture we live in a global sexual market place where women have these men at their fingertips. Their biology (and hypergamous instinct is screaming at them - what if i can do better. In the same way the top tier of men are also being teased by the availability of women at their finger tips also. When sexuality isn't buffered/contained by cultural or religious incentives and is left unchecked it destabilises society. Although religions problem was that they didn't contain but cut off people from their sexuality, the other extreme. The only solution I can think of is either sex evolves in their consciousness. Women evolve in the way that they are able to be happy with their partner and evolve past their hypergamous instinct telling them to see what else is out there, or to not run back to their bad boy lover ex. Or if women are going to only go for the 'alphas' the men left behind have to evolve and channel their sexuality to higher pursuits or just become better and provide women the sexual arousal their bodies react to and desire to satisfy that side of them. Maybe all this loneliness and fragmentation which leads to emotional trauma will lead people to spirituality/actualisation which is part of the evolution also. In the past, men who didn't have access to women (ie Middle eastern society where harems were a thing) they would go into war. In present day, these men can be sedated in many ways via porn, entertainment etc Women have the rights of men in the modern world, but the conscious responsibility that comes with those rights ie to select a longer term partner (for emotional security at least) over the short term hot guy (for their sexual security). It is also up to men to become and display masculine strength in its positive light. Don't be the 'nice guy' or the 'bad boy' but the great guy. Evolution will play its course, and natural selection will do its thing in the end.

Another idea from the red pill is plate spinning and alpha widowing ie the emotional response a woman has to an alpha male imprints her and impairs her ability to pair bond or have a healthy future relationship with someone not on that level. A moral dilemma arises, as a man who is alpha or trying to become more alpha, should they be sleeping around knowing it has long term affects on those women? If they don't then they may not learn how to deal with and relate to women in that way, but if they do and get good at it, sure they can obtain and have a relationship in the end, but at the expense of society? Is it wise to ruin the society you'd want to bring your children into? If your able to have casual relations with 3 women at the same time, thats 2 extra women your taking away from other men, causing them get bitter, enraged, or possibly become incel even. What is the right path for a man to go down..

Women's survival is very visceral and comes in many forms. We have thousands of years of evolution hardwiring, and we only just created a somewhat stable environment. Women now have financial security but the physical and emotionally security is still wanting to be met. To move in a world where the other half of humanity (men) can dominate you physically triggers a visceral fear response even though the city they may live in is safe and secure logically. The body is aroused by strength/sexiness (emotionally-short term) the head is attracted (logically-long term) to security. Women seek the strength for survival, but to seek it long term ie this man of strength will stick around and protect, provision and provide for our children takes some conciseness also. Some of the red pill rage can hate on women but be careful not to fall into that frame, for this instinct (hypergamy) is what drove men to raise themselves, and in doing so raise civilisation along with it. Without this evolutionary pressure we wouldn't be where we are today. Also, a lot of it is simply happening subconsciously. The 'bad boys' or 'barbaric men' on a deep level are displaying strength, although in its negative form. In today's society where long term security is taken care of by the state or women's ability to earn, they look to other aspect of what men provide which is the strength/sexy genes. For this reason we have most women going for the top 10-20% of men leaving other men behind. Before access to these men were limited by geography and smaller populations but not with technology we live in a global sexual market place where you have them at your finger tips. Women have the rights of men in the modern world, but the conscious responsibility that comes with those rights ie to select the long term partner (for emotional security at least) over the short term hot guy (for their sexual security) is something to look out for. It is also up to men to become and display masculine strength in its positive light. Don't be the 'nice guy' or the 'bad boy' but the great guy. Evolution will play its course, and natural selection will do its thing in the end.