Gianna

Since this thread is re-activated. Has anyone felt depressed after stopping caffeine? There's been a couple of times where I stopped caffeine completely and became depressed afterwards.

Relationship 11: "Being with someone is the last thing that I want and especially the last thing I need. What I need is to be alone and separate for as long as I can. I mean jeez, I am only 24. I do not need to be united with anyone, tied with anything. I have an entire blank life ahead of me. Filled with untapped potential across the world. The people, place, experiences, I can meet with... what more can you want out of life? Remember: as long as you don't choose, everything remains possible. Crow: "The only person I need to be concerned with getting closer to, more intimate with, or a deeper understanding of is myself. No one else is more important than this. No other 'thing' is more important than this either. Whatever I want to do and wherever I want to go, I need to give it to myself. I need to give myself all of my desires so I can deeply learn, see, feel, and understand myself. You can't do this if you are tied to and considering someone else, which you will be. You don't know how to consider yourself when other people are around. You know this. How will this serve you? You will create evil in the world just like everyone else if you get sucked into the social matrix. I can't believe you are even considering getting involved with anyone else. Put me first. Understand me. Be with me. Forget anything else. It's unproductive. Learning from me and living from and out of me entirely is what is going to bring development." 22: "Hm. I feel like I've had a tremendous amount of growth in recent years. I am seeing some patterns, some coping mechanisms. I read once that if you experience trauma in relationships then it is in relationships that you will find healing. Maybe I am ready to step into this territory, into this part of the journey. Maybe letting myself go entirely into a relationship is the best thing I can do for myself. Maybe this uncharted territory is where I can experience the most growth. Cleopatra: "Don't fool yourself. Who you are will always be at your core. Don't you love exploring people's desires? Seduction is a gift, are you sure you have found everything that you are wanting? It's okay. You will. " Eva: Fuck everyone in this hell hole.

Wow, insane.

If you do not follow your own desires, dreams, and ambitions for life, then you will never know what you are truly capable of. You are so capable of giving yourself everything that you need, that you can return home afterward and fill up the cup of your parents. But for now, you have to put yourself first. Deep Truths are waiting for you. The Truths you will discover on embarking on this personal journey is undeniably worth it. Do not expect growth while accomodating for your parents. Also, expecting yourself to act perfectly in the family home/family dynamic is insane. Stop torturing yourself. Do not force yourself to paddle upstream.

Letting go of yourself completely takes an extraordinary amount of confidence. Actually, I would call it courage. Courage is what transcends when you let go of your need/guard/shield of confidence– that which you are clinging to. Consider that your confidence now is not actually confidence, it is fear. Only those who are in fear need confidence. The flipside of confidence is knowing. When you are in a state of knowing, you do not need 'confidence'. So allow yourself to be in a state of knowing and of not needing. Because this is your natural state of being. You are all-knowing because you are self-knowing. You do not need this silly attachment to confidence. You need to listen to your body and your higher state of awareness that is pointing you away from the need for 'confidence'. Let yourself unfold into your natural state of being. Let go of your confidence and you will ironically become the most confident person in the world. You will become defenseless, at ease, and in a state of eternal peace. Because that is what you ARE when you let go of all that you are not.

@RickyFitts One example could be controlling someone. Trying to control someone is an indirect way of fulfilling a need for assurance, security, predictability, or whatever the need might be. A direct way to fulfill these needs would be to ask for it from the person directly– instead of trying to passively get it by controlling someone. The larger point is that to depend on someone for security, assurance, predictability, etc. is not itself bad and does not make you "codependent". What makes someone codependent is depending on the need for manipulation, indirectness, and negative coping strategies to handle emotional needs in a relationship.

What are you guys' thoughts on the interplay between personal and spiritual development? I know there are books on it– like Integral Psychology by Ken Wilber, or, Toward a Psychology of Awakening by John Welwood. But, what is your guys' experience? Do you feel like developing personally leans into spiritual growth and spiritual realization leans into personal growth? Because my experience lately tells me that they are completely seperate. For instance, after realizing no-self, I feel like any 'personal development' is just the development of a false self. I also feel like because this false self is so far from the nature of pure being (of one's true nature), that any realization of pure being (of one's true nature) can't even touch the negative behavioral patterns, mechanisms, fears, and anxieties of the false self because the false self doesn't even exist. Kind of hard to explain, hopefully, you guys get what I mean. Just wanting to know everyone's experience, thoughts, opinions, around this

Just be yourself, follow your feelings, and let her follow her feelings. Do not try to force or control anything. Let everything happen for you.

@melodydanielluna Ultimately, we are one. So consider the idea that your 'ex' never really emotionally supported or comforted you. But that it was you comforting and supporting yourself. It was you giving yourself the feeling of comfort and love. You have always and will always know what you need at an existential level. Your feelings tell you so. So follow your feelings. Consider the longing for comfort, validation, emotional support as an indicator that you are ready to enter into a higher-level relationship with somebody where you can fulfill this need for intimacy healthily. You can choose to fulfill this emotional need yourself by being your own best emotional support system. Or, you can decide that you want someone else to fulfill this role and get into another intimate relationship with someone. Either way, you are depending on yourself. Do you see? 'Co-dependency' doesn't exist at the dimension of oneness. 'Depending' on someone is only depending on yourself because we are one. What made your last relationship 'codependent' in a toxic way is the control and manipulation you speak of. But you do not need control and manipulation. You need to let yourself fulfill your needs directly instead of indirectly. And realize that you are worthy of meeting these needs unconditionally and indefinitely. Once your needs are met, the toxicity is gone. It sounds like you are ready to give yourself healthy belonging and connection– regardless if you give it to yourself or if you get it from someone else. Both are YOU.

You capitalize by knowing that you have everything, are everything, feel everything, love everything, and create everything. You will never stop 'capitalizing' on everything you create, even if it's "bad".

Time is storytelling

interesting!

I know someone who swears moldavite changed his life! I'm going to buy some soon and see

@Matthew85 This is so beautiful! I agree.

@_Archangel_ Interesting! Thank you

Truth is always there. But if you are not aware of it– and thus, are only aware of Truth as it is coated by deception– then you are living out of a false self (a coated version of the Truth). Or, as Leo would call it, self-deception. No?

@Holygrail my feelings exactly

@OBEler well yeah, by comparison definitely. haha

Not since they banned LSD use for psychotherapy in the 70s. Pretty sure somatic therapy was an effort to produce similar effects. Or at least holotropic breathwork was! A psychotherapist who used LSD for therapeutic use was so upset by the ban he started holotropic breathwork to mimic its effects on the body + healing. You should try it out! You can watch Leo's episode on shamanic breathwork to get a feel.

I haven’t tried somatic therapy myself but I’ve been thinking about it. I just have heard so many good things about it from so many people—experts even. Seems like the best option for deep, integrative, trauma healing.

I feel like I get overwhelmed by excitement. I don't have a specific instance, but every time I get excited about something it kind of feels like anxiousness. Maybe it's actually anxiousness but I am positively mistaking it for excitement. haha. What do you guys do when you have this kind of feeling? I don't want to suppress any emotions; yet, with this emotion, because it is so intense I can feel myself suppressing it a smidge. Should I just let the feeling consume me? I wonder what its triggered by– my idea right now is that it is triggered by excitement, joy, love, etc.

No, can you elaborate?

oooo this is goood! Thank you. @RickyFitts thank you! I'll check it out. Yeah it's not a bad feeling it's just so intense it can be kind of scary

How can you understand something that you cannot understand? Like the void inside of you. How can you see something that you cannot see? Like everything around you. Well, feel it. What is it? It is you. It is me. It is Love. Everything you see. Everything you feel. Everything you touch. I reflect myself back to you so you can finally see me, understand me. I'll give you whatever you want. Just love me, because I love you indefinitely.

@RickyFitts I do actually!