Gianna

It means you have found something immensely true! I'm glad to hear that you think that about yoga because I have really been loving it. how did you come to know this?! I'm so impressed. I am going to do this with the same intention. it reminds me of one of the meditations you sent me to help with my root chakra. it felt really amazing Love this! Okay, I have been having posture problems in my meditations! So crazy you mention this it's like you read my mind.

Good for you girl! You got this!!!

you are so me <3 this doesn't make me feel bad it makes me light up oh boy. I'm happy I said it then because this definitely has blocked me in the past but I haven't realized why until now; until you mentioning this. you create the absence by thinking of it so much while waiting– definitely a sneaky trap I have fallen into!

I noticed you always go back to the body-centered practices– which just shows how important it is. I need to focus more of my meditations on the body and I'm happy you remind me of that. I think it will help a lot with what we're talking about here. but I have been doing a lot of yoga! Okay yes so, body-centered practices, allowing exercises. these will help. I bolded what you mentioned about relaxing into it because that is what both Leo and SriSriJustinBieber advised in another post. You are all pointing to the same thing– to relaxxx into the resistance. next time it happens this is what I am going to do. thank you for reminding me of this– patience. I can be disciplined but I underestimate the patience it takes. I am going to practice body-centered meditations. Is shamanic breathwork considered a body meditation? And which ones do you do? Ooo I didn't think about it no. But now that you mention it, I can see that being linked for sure .

@SriSriJustinBieber Okay, you're right. That was really difficult but I think I understand! Here is how I am interpreting this: 1. The resistance is an opportunity to deepen my faith by seeing it for what it really is. 2. What the resistance really is is the belief in "lack". So I feel bad about resistance because my feelings are trying to tell me that the resistance is causing me to believe something that is untrue: that there is such thing as lack. 3. Lack is not possible when you are infinite. So my feeling bad was an indication that I was thinking wrong. Except, I would say that I was not interpreting it as "lack" I was interpreting it as "holding me back from getting something I want or from being what I want." This felt bad because it was not true– I already am everything. Okay. So next time this happens I will just relax into it and wait.

Okay great!!! Thank you

YES!!! You have to put it towards something to create. But as far as other people 'getting it'... yeah I don't know. I struggle with that too. Maybe it's because we don't even get ourselves? Haha. I don't even understand myself sometimes which is why I wrote another thread about dissociation. But then you have forums like this one where similar people come together and 'get it'. Thank god for this forum I say that like every day haha.

sooo true. I feel like a lot of us have mystical experiences (like flow) without even realizing it is a mystical experience or the truth of any of it. It's not until you're awakened that everything shows itself (mind, body, you) and you can see clearly the dynamics at play between them. You realize that you are the mystical experience that is happening to your mind, or to your body.

Ohhh okay. That's it then. We don't remember because– like you said– it's out of our mind. We only remember what is in the mind and then we repeat it. The mind is nothing more than a repeating machine. But then it's like, "well, why can't we remember what we are?" and the answer is we do– we just can't articulate it because it's out of the mind and thus out of language. Because we remember it in our heart which is why our intuition guides us back to ourself.

I really don't think it's a self-worth thing for me. Like, "I don't think I am worthy of something so great so I resist it." I mean I could definitely see that and it probably is that to a degree. But because my experience of resistance is more somatic than it is psychological, I really think it's more of a nervous system thing. Like my entire nervous system is wired/conditioned to shut down god energy or something. And– granted– I could see how the shaming and 'shutting down' of this energy from others when we are kids creates a psychological block/desire to resist the energy. But once you work through that, you still have an entire nervous system working against you????? you know what I mean.. haha. It's so hard to overcome both the psychological and biological wiring we are conditioned with. Like SO fucking hard. idk how leo does it. I could hear him saying, "I just fucking do it!" haha. but you can't bulldoze the beast that is your nervous system. At least not without some serious backlash.

What a perfect quote. I think what scares me is the energy itself– it's completely overwhelming. Like this quote, it's so powerful beyond measure I can't help but resist it at least a little. This line below is exactly my experience with God's energy (life force energy, consciousness energy, whatever you want to call it): except, the only reason for this experience is because of the resistance. If I were to not resist (but allow the energy to flow through and out of me) I wouldn't feel these sensations. But I can't help but resist it because the energy itself is what is so scary. It's so big and so powerful. I remember @Leo Gura saying something like, "God's love is so great you can't handle it." Well, how do we handle it? haha. Because I want to CREATE!

@Esilda Introspecting does so much for us.

I gave a man a compliment and his entire body tensed up. It's like he wanted the interaction while simultaneously running away from it. Why are we so closed off to receiving each other's love? It's easy to give. People feel good about giving, it's why they do it. Because when we give, it makes us believe we are good. But when it comes to receiving, this goodness goes out the window. We cannot believe we are good when receiving, so we close ourselves. Suddenly, people do not want to believe they are good. They do not and will not think to themselves, "I am good. So I let myself receive this. I let myself receive this because I am good and I want to feel myself as good." Instead, they can only imagine themselves feeling and being good when they are giving to someone else. Why is this? It is because we are living in a world built on conditional love. The world that says, "I can only feel good when I give and I know I deserve it. If I do nothing, I cannot know I deserve anything. And so I cannot receive anything without knowing I deserve it." The world that sounds like, "if I receive and I do not give back, I am worthless. I am only worth what I can give. I don't deserve to receive while doing nothing, being nothing." We need to open ourselves up to unconditional love from one another. We need to feel our bodies. We need to let the feeling in our bodies manifest without resistance. We need to love deeply and let love fall deeply.

@RickyFitts Not in the intervening weeks, but you did just give me an idea! I will write something up and post it to this thread

Week 10 Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection "creativity is God's energy flowing through us, shaped by us like the light flowing through a crystal prism." when we are clear about who we are and what we are doing, the energy flows freely and we experience no strain when we resist this energy we often experience a shaky, out-of-control feeling. we want to shut it down and regain control the shaky feeling comes over them and feels as if they are going too fast and god knows where every creative person has myriad ways to block their creative energy– food, drugs, distraction, other people, workaholism, love obsession, etc. the second a creative thought arises is it lopped off by obsession with one of these blocks. knowing yourself as an artist is knowing your creative block/blocks if creativity is like a burst of the universe's breath through a straw (us), we pinch that straw whenever we block; we shut down our flow we do this on purpose because as we start to feel our real potential, we get scared. we try to slow our own growth the block that is the most toxic to you is the block you get defensive about or are in denial over. mixing and matching your blocks is a strategy for not noticing you are blocking. so is using the excuse of 'coincidence' "she happened to call, the ice cream was there right as I was hungry, etc." blocks alleviate fear "we turn to our drug of choice to block whenever we experience the anxiety of our inner emptiness." Creative U-Turns a creative u-turn is the choice to block. a creative u-turn is turning back on yourself blocking is essentially an issue of faith rather than trusting our intuition, talent, skill, desire, we fear where our creator is taking us. it feels too good. happy is terrifying, unfamiliar, out of control, too risky! when you become aware of your blocking device you can feel your creative u-turn as you make it. the trick is to use the anxiety as your fuel Workaholism workaholism is avoiding yourself see workaholism as a block instead of a building block abusing your inner child leads to cinderella complex– always dreaming of the ball and always experiencing the ball and chain there is a difference between zestful work and workaholism– the difference lies in the emotional quality. for a workaholic, work is synonymous with worth, and so we are hesitant to jettison any part of it. workaholism is a process addiction (an addiction to a behavior rather than a substance) so it is hard to tell when we are indulging in it. a workaholic gets sober by abstaining from overwork but you need to define overwork and identify it in yourself. to combat rationalization use a bottom line. be specific, not vague. with workaholism and creative u-turns, you need outside help when it is severe (don't as another workaholic for help with your workaholism) there are workaholism anonymous meetings springing up in some areas Droughts in any creative life there are dry seasons. "they appear out of nowhere and stretch to the horizon like a death valley vista" your work feels mechanical, empty, forced. lost its sweetness. these are the times where the morning pages are most difficult (they seem painful and foolish) and yet this is when they are most valuable. during a drought, showing up is difficult. a drought tells you that it will last forever. during a drought– and during doubt– we are fighting with God. we lost faith in the great creator, in our creative selves. during a drought, emotions are tried up. it is a tealess time of grief. we are between dreams, we do our pages out of habit instead of hope. droughts end because we keep writing our pages. in a creative life, droughts are necessary; they bring us clarity and charity. When you are in a drought, know that it is for a purpose. to write is to right things and things will become right. a path will present itself. an insight will emerge to show us the way out. the morning pages are both your wilderness and your trail. Fame ... Competition ... Tasks ...

@Esilda & @Loba : Thank you both so much. It means a lot to hear this.

So with dualities, you cannot have one without creating the other, right? In the moment you create a "left" you simultaneously create a "right". In the moment you create a notion of "beautiful" you create a notion of "not beautiful" or "ugly", and so on. (up, down; north, south) So my question is with the nonphysical and the physical. At the moment of nonphysical, there was the physical. In other words, we have never had the nonphysical without the physical because duality gives birth to both simultaneously. We have never had the pre-manifested without the manifested because the duality gives rise to each other, and so on. Is this right? When I ask myself my answer is this: God is everything and everything/infinity always was. There is no end because there was no beginning. Whether 'physical' or 'nonphysical' it has always been both. It has always been one.

Okay, I watched this because it was posted in this thread and caught my eye. Oh my gosh, brilliant is an understatement. Such an incredible piece of art. Thank you for sharing!

Oh, I feel what you mean. I think you are right because although it wasn't my work/my words it was still something I was doing that was being condemned. So, at a subconscious level, this probably was the dynamic at play. ooo anger demanding empathy. You're right, I don't believe I would lack empathy towards others because I am an empath (for better or for worse) but maybe I was lacking it toward myself at that moment... Well, what you said yesterday was so brilliant and profound it hits on so many levels probably for everyone in existence. haha. Because we are all meant to be authentic expressions of ourselves. Yet, we are conditioned out of it. And so if we get shamed out of our authentic nature of course we are going to feel like victims of other's perceptions of us! To quote you, "I can be a victim of how others perceive me"– this is inevitably true. But your reframe was great because it is also true– "I can never be the victim of how others perceive me, for I am freedom itself and there are no others". Just brilliance. I can tell you have a very deep intuitive understanding.

I don't know what this experience is I just know that I've had it– a few times. So a few times, I have seen the edges of the person I am looking at disintegrate; almost like they are vibrating inward as if they are contracting. It seems as if they are contracting in with the rest of the background around them (the foreground and the background merge). Other times, I see the edges of a person I am looking at accentuate. They become more clear, more defined. To where it looks almost as if they are floating in space. This experience only comes when I am not trying at all. Has anyone else had this experience?

Haha, that is cute huh. I have this same experience. But for me, it is not that it is going to dissolve but that I am going to be telepathically transported to another dimension that I know nothing about. Haha. Definitely fear of the unknown.

Okay, I need to remember/apply this to everything. Haha. All of the time. This is so profoundly true.

oh my gosh, I loveee this! okay, this is currently over my head but understanding the Masculine/Feminine purposes as you describe is something I have been deeply wanting clarity on. And here it is! I am going to sit in a quiet+still space with this quote ^ and contemplate what you are saying. Then, hopefully, I will understand.

Anjoli, I know you think I am just playing a word game with you, but don't you see? You are the only one playing with words because you are thinking in them. If you were thinking outside of them you wouldn't recognize a word game you would recognize the Truth. The truth is that there is a way to think outside of words and that's called contemplation. It's like a dance between constructs in your heart until you arrive at what you already know. You tell yourself the answers you need almost as if you forgot. When someone forgets for too long people call this "not knowing" but it's not "not knowing" it's self-deception there's a difference. Self-deception is like a lollipop and what you already know is like its tootsie at the center. The point is, just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. The truth is always there. So, meditate! Meditate and you will start to feel what is not apparent. You'll stop thinking in terms of words and will start feeling in ideas. Love you!

Your strength is knowing what's obvious. Well, it may be obvious to you but people don't see the obvious. There are so many reasons why people unconsciously distort the Truth, but you don't. You alwaysss know. I love you for this– and many reasons of course. But you don't even know how far this is going to get you in Life. Being clear on what is already clear. Hold on to that. Never let it go. There's a quote I heard from my professor that says, "What is not so clear to the many, is oh so obvious to the few." You are the few. Do you ever feel alone being one of a few? Like no one understands because they're too stupid to. So now you have to be alone in what you see, in what you feel, in what you understand. I want you to watch this video. It points to the reason why people only understand what they want to understand. You might not see the connection because it's a weird one. But realize why you understand everything. Why do you understand everything? It's because you're not selfish and desperate. It's because you know that the Truth is the only thing that is going to get you anywhere. You have no idea how true this is. You have no idea how much this is going to pay you back later in life. I'm so excited for you. Life is a riddle and you are going to figure it out. Because the answer is the most obvious one, it's you. You are everything, you just have to feel it.