Gianna

I would say yes! It's like when you look at your hands, they are coming alive to you– you are not reaching out and trying to find it intensely with your eyes. It takes a stepping back, a looking at it as a whole. It's like the difference between looking at one finger and looking at the silhouette of a hand and then in doing so seeing the whole hand and everything in between, instead of just one finger. If that makes sense.

I’m trying to acquaint myself with alchemy. I’m looking it up and reading some things. But I feel like it would help to hear everyone’s personal interpretation of the word— deeper meanings, definitions, and purposes of alchemy. Etc. ? thank you guys!

@RickyFitts hehehe??

@RickyFitts Yayyy So happy. I took the Life Purpose Course earlier this year and I got Creative Writing as my purpose! So it's so good to hear that you think this thread is wonderful. Thanks ricky <3 <3

@Nahm Ooolala! Looks like I am getting somewhere then. Haha. Thanks @Nahm

Wow, I am blown away. This is exactly what i wrote in my journal this morning but I wasn't sure. It's what triggered my search and now here it is. This response fits me like a glove. I am currently trying to transmute my hurt, trauma, pain, and suffering. And 'Alchemy' is what is being brought to me. And now perfectly explained. Thanks Mandy <3 I'm going to take a slow and close look at this response. btw, I love your youtube channel!! I subscribed and have been watching your videos. Your dive into language and its synchronicity with etymology really helps!

"Trials and tribulations will occur from the inside. Your unconscious at some point will start to reveal itself. In the unawakened person, the unconscious never fully comes into conscious awareness, but with awakening our means of suppression and denial are either torn apart completely or wounded so severely that we can't repress as much. The unconscious elements of our mind come into conscious awareness, and that is another kind of trial. What’s being asked of you is to meet all of that inner material from the standpoint of divine being, from the standpoint of eternity—to meet it, to understand it, to resolve it." -Adyashanti

Chapter Two Before she walked me through the relative truths of my life, I had already felt heartbreak. How could I have turned my back on myself my entire life? How could I let others break me into forgetting myself? How could I have lived in a state of dissociation and confusion for so long? The truth that I already knew was that these cracks are what let the light in. The heart of oneness could not have opened itself up without being previously closed in. The flowering of the emotional body (the Inner Child) begins with a seed– the seed of Awareness. Awareness is the light of the flowering as if it is the Sun feeding its soul. The Inner Child begins to reveal itself, emotion by emotion. "As long as I have Awareness with me" I thought to myself, "I can get through this painful journey back to myself." Little did I know that this little girl angel would be with me along the way. She was in fact the Light of Awareness I was blessed with. She began to show me the truth of everything that I missed. Except, where will she go after every pain is purged out of her?

@RickyFitts hehehe. me and my inner child in the car.

Week Three - Recovering a Sense of Power Anger - Anger is meant to be listened to. - Anger points the way. - Anger is meant to be acted upon, not acted out. - Anger signals the end of a chapter and a triggering of a new one. - Anger is an invitation for action. "Blast him I can make a better film than that. This anger says you want to make a movie" -Julia Cameron Synchronicity - Action invites a reaction from the universe. We call it synchronicity. - We inaugurate change from the inside out. When we do the universe responds. - The universe acts and reacts to your interests– festive and expansive ones. - It's not hard to follow your heart, it's hard to walk through the doors the universe will open for you. - The universe is ample in its support; we are frugal in what we accept. - Leap and the net will appear - Action has magic, grace, and power in it. "Until one is committed, there is hesitancy the chance to drawback always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative or creation, there is one elementary truth. The ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans– that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too." -M.K Murry Shame - Shame is a controlling device– it is used to prevent people from acting in a way that embarrasses us. - When someone doesn't want to see something, they get mad at the person that shows it to them. - "What will they think now that you have told them this?" -Shame strategy done by your family to maintain a conspiracy of inauthenticity. - "What will they think of me once they know this?" -Shame and Fear - You feel fear towards shame if you have been shamed before. - Inherent in secrets is shame. - "How dare you" you might hear from your family as you are exploring yourself and stumble upon something that threatens them. - "How dare you" you might hear from society as you reflect society back to itself through your art. - The act of making art exposes society to itself. - Art brings things to light. It illuminates us. - Art sheds light on our darkness and so is often reacted to with shaming– because we shame our darkness that is why it is in the dark. - Art brings healing. But before a wound can heal it must be seen. - If a child has been shamed, shame will be re-triggered as an adult because our internal artist is our inner child. Dealing With Criticism -Make sure to be able to tell the difference between genuine criticism and shaming. - The criticism that damages us is the kind that disparages, dismisses, ridicules, or condemns. It is frequently vicious but vague and difficult to refute. - Genuine criticism can lead to an aha moment; or can show an artist a new and valid path for work. - Art requires a safe environment. Only show a draft to the most gentle support figure you know. - Abusive criticism is artistic child abuse. Criticism is a trigger from a longstanding childhood wound. - Art matures spasmodically.

Resistance to Creative Energy "Our resistance to our creativity is a form of self-destruction. We throw up road-blocks on our own path. Why do we do this? In order to maintain an illusion of control. Depression, like anger and anxiety, is resistance that creates dis-ease. This manifests itself as sloggishness, confusion, 'I don't know'" -Julia Cameron The Artist's Way The truth is that we do know. We do know, and we know that we know. Each of us has an inner dream, and inner artist, an inner child that needs to unfold is we will just have the courage to admit what it is. And the faith to trust our own admission. **** The admitting is often very difficult. A clearing affirmation can open the channel: "I know the things I know" *****

Week 12 Recovering a Sense of Faith Adventures don't begin until you get into the forest. That first step in an act of faith. Trusting "I know what I know" – an affirmation for opening the channel of acceptance Do not take on the faith of our culture that says we are meant to be dutiful and then die. Take on the faith of our will that says we are meant to be creative, bountiful, channel God energy, and LIVE. live fully, actualize. It is the inner commitment to our souls and our willingness to follow our dreams that triggers the support of the universe. When we are ambivalent the universe is ambivalent If we look back on the times where the world seemed capricious and scary, then what we will see is that we were only conflicted with our own goals, ambitions, and behavior. By trusting we learn to trust. There is a path for each of us. When we are on the right path we have the right footing– we know the next thing that needs to be done although we don’t know what’s going to be around the corner. Mystery "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious" - Albert Einstein What shakes the eye but the invisible?" - Theodore Roethke We must acknowledge that creativity starts in the dark just like life does The right idea or insight is preceded by a gestation period of murky waters– you can't see things clearly. Creativity requires the respect of mystery and darkness— unknowingness. It cannot be forced (like A child or a dog). To patch an idea you can’t open the oven too soon and let the steam come out of the cake; holes will surface in the cake. Creativity requires reticent . Let ideas grow in dark and in mystery. Ideas need to rise. Let them form on the roof of our consciousness, let them hit the page in droplets and by trusting the droplets we will be surprised one day by a flash that says, "Oh! That's it!" The Imagination at Play Good art requires festivity and humor— the imagination at play We are driven by the standards of our society that says that if creativity cannot produce a direct result it is not worthy but do not force consistent creativity, you will rot its magic. Creativity requires a new definition from society. One that expand and includes hobbies. Hobbies are grounding. There is a release of humility that comes with doing something just for love. As we engage in hobbies we are released from the ego mind an allowed to merge with expanded resources. This touching of consciousness affords us the perspective needed to resolve conundrums. Get serious about taking yourself lightly Work at learning to play Our creativity always leaves us yearning for more. We sing in the car, slam down the phone, make lists, clear closets, short through shelves. We want to do something, but we think it needs to be the RIGHT something— something important. But WE are what’s important. So that 'something' that we do can be something festive and small. You’re either losing your mind or gaining your soul. Escape Velocity "To travel across the sea you must be willing to lose sight of the shore" - I forget who said this The first rule of magic is containment: zip the lip, button up, keep a lid on it, don’t give away the gold. You hold your intention within yourself, stoking it with power. Only then will you be able to manifest what you desire. In order to be a creative, you must learn to be your own counsel, move silently among doubters, to voice our plans only among our allies ,and name your allies accurately. ******** Do not indulge or tolerate ANYONE who throws cold water in your direction— forget “good intentions” or “they didn’t mean it” Escape velocity requires the sword of steely intention and the shield of self-determination. Set your goals and set your boundaries. “Don’t let the ogre that looms on the horizon deflect your flight.”

Resistance - resistance comes from meaning-making. You can make, change, or erase any meaning you want. If you created a harmful meaning in childhood, it can be re-scripted. You can reprogram your computer. You can rewire your conditioned mind. - everything we've repressed has to be allowed to surface -ricky - our feelings need to be felt in order to recognize the illusory nature of the story -RF ? - as long as there's anything unresolved in us, that dissatisfaction's always going to be there - because we long for wholeness and unity, and whatever unresolved conflict there is in us is going to make us feel divided inside.-RF - "What Adyashanti's suggesting, I think, is to ask yourself what's preventing you from feeling free and at peace in this moment - it's like the question posed by one Zen master: 'What, in this moment, is lacking?' Because there tends to be a feeling in humans that something's missing, a sort of root dissatisfaction that keeps us striving for more, but to be enlightened is, as much as anything, to be free of that feeling, to see that what we've been seeking all our lives is our own essential nature - what we seek is what we are! But the seeking obscures it, that's the funny thing, which is why there's so much of an emphasis in spirituality on stopping and being still. But when people do that, often what they discover initially is a lot of agitation, unrest, disquiet, etc., and it's actually that which makes us seek - we're seeking relief, but we often find it in unhealthy ways (eg alcohol, drugs, food, etc., etc.)."

@RickyFitts My inner child is locked in the basement and is trying to get my attention to come play!!! LOL.

So today I started to re-listened to this episode by Leo. I know he mentioned that it's more personal development than metaphysical, but I feel like as you go through your awakening process these 'phases' start to speed up. The cycles become faster and faster and faster until eventually they collapse; whereas, before certain awakenings, the cycles were spread out across long periods of "time". I don't know, what do you guys think? Just a little food for thought. Also, I kind of feel like– for girls– they go through mini-cycles of these phases throughout the month. 4 phases = 1 phases per week = 4 weeks of the monthly cycle. It aligns with what they say in women's circles about how a women's menstrual period (emotionally) feels like the four seasons of the year all crammed in the 4 weeks of the month. Fall = one week. Spring= second week. Etc. Again, just food for thought

Okay so today I woke up with this song stuck in my head but I haven't listen to it in forever; so I thought that was weird. I tried to ignore it but it was nagging at me over and over and over again. Just repeating in my head, I couldn't focus. So I finally caved and decided to listen to it while watching the lyrics. And just wow. This song is completely spoken from my Inner Child to my Ego. From God/Source to my Mind. From me, to ME: When it says: I know you trying to do you But I heard you fell off Just a couple bad nights And 20 cold hearts This is so true because recently I was completely knocked off a really good streak with myself, my meditations, my creative work, GOD, being connected, etc. by my family coming to town, my ex harassing me, and a could of other thing [20 cold hearts]. I just felt like I was loosing control. And the result was me being soooo consumed in my mind and not being able to get into the present moment; when before, it was easy and immediate for me to get into the moment, idk. But I'm getting back on it now My Inner Child/Source : Yeah, I'm really tired of Being soft spoken You got my broken, writing songs About you daily and it's Messing with my focus [like literally songs have been trying to speak to me from my higher self [i.e. yesterday's SOTD]) ... I'm the one for you so why do I feel like I go unnoticed ... Even though you ain't mine It's the fact that I'm yours It's the fact that my life ain't complete Without yours It's the fact that at night I be tryin' to ignore Catching over seas flights just to Knock on your door Cause you put my planet in orbit ... Just wait til' you give in and finally come over I can't wait to tell you "I told ya, I told ya, I told ya" hehheehe. I don't expect anyone to understand this hahaha. It's just feelings my Inner Child/Source is sending me. Also, another weird thing is that I have had the compulsion to go back and re-listen to Leo's episode on "Life Unfolds in Chapter and Phases". And that matches the title and thesis of the song, Phases– another weird little connection. So I'm making it my SOTD

Oh wow!! What a beautiful story. I love that. Yes, these things definitely happen and I love it. Thanks for sharing

LOL! Okay, so this one is funny and ironic but kind of embarrassing. heheh. Throwing it back to 2009 with Disney. So, this morning someone told me to never give up on Love and Hope. It was a nice reminder because I was loosing my grip on it. Then, I went to the store to get almond milk and this song started playing but I didn't notice it until I did (it was kind of low-volume). I started to hear the lyrics for what they were which I don't usually do when I am grocery shopping, you know? And with everything going on with me right now I really feel like my spirit guides were trying to send me a message. hahaha. So I am making it my SOTD:

I'm considering filing a restraining order against my ex. Except I know I probably won't because that's so extreme. But he will not get out of my life no matter how hard I try. We ended things on good terms. Maybe that's why he won't stop bothering me– because he thinks it's okay! Well, it is not okay and I have made that clear multiple times. I have asked directly multiple, multiple, multiple times for him to exit my life and STAY exited. No contact. No, nothing. Just absence and moving on!! When he refuses to respect my boundaries (which he alwayssss does and why we even broke up) I block him on everything. Phone, well I guess that's it because he doesn't have social media. When I block him on the phone he emails me. When I block him on the email, he creates a new email and writes me. He reaches out to my family on venmo. I had to block him on venmo. It's been 3 years (sometimes more intense than others). He WON'T STOP. He won't move on, he won't find someone else despite my attempt to set him up with someone else– very hot girl. He's a handsome guy I don't understand? He has a LOT of judgement so he probably just can't find someone he can't judge. But it is getting unbearable for me. I yell inside my head that he makes me want to shoot myself. I know that is awful to even think but it's literally how he makes me feel. I'm kind of a passive person but I've been VERY aggressive with him. I've even said some awful things like calling him pathetic which I shouldn't have done. But I feel strangled by him!?!? He won't leave me alone!!! No matter what I do, how serious I get, how hard I try. I've begged him. I've shamed him. I've blocked him. I've name-called him. I've told him I was with someone. I feel like I've tried everything? Unless you guys can think of anything else? Lol, I know name-calling isn't a solution but my point is that he literally doesn't care. He just doesn't find me threatening although I've said threatening things. I don't know what to do. Normally, I just put my focus somewhere else and literally don't even pay attention to it which is how I have lasted so long. But this is kind of just avoidance? It's not really solving the issue. I know it's partially my own fault because I can't stay consistent myself. After like, maybe 3 months or so typically? I'll fall back into friendliness. That's it. Just like the casual how are you and blah blah blah. 3 months is a long time to have like an emotional reset, you know? But I know this just opens the door right back up to abuse. So idk wtf is wrong with me. I guess I just figure he will stop? But he doesn't. I don't have hate in my heart. At least not enough to stay consistent with the aggression and the shaming and whatever other strategy I use to get him to stop. Essentially, my aggression does not last as long as his persistence. I think that is the root issue! I need to learn persistence and consistency to the MAXIMUM. Here are some questions I have for you guys: What are your guys' strategies for staying consistent? What is the psychology of this kind of psychopath? It kind of hurts my feelings that he doesn't respect me enough to not torture me. It comes off like he literally doesn't care about me at all. He must not if he is doing this to me. And it really hurts my feelings because we had such a deep relationship before. Any advice on these feelings?

@Tudo I care about him and I know he is struggling. The behavior just shows that he is suffering. So I send him my love from afar. This doesn't mean I tell him about it, lead him on, or reject him. He doesn't even know that I do it.

Ohhh hey! Hahaha. That's a good point

Did you feel hurt by her not being there for you?

No just different emails. But I am going to do a police warning (like @Seed mentioned) before doing a restraining order. I also am going to work through my emotions because this is how it goes: he violates me and I get angry/enraged (like I was last night) and then after the storm settles I feel intense guilt and shame (like I feel today) I need to work through these emotions, while staying strong. After an outburst like last night he is usually good at staying away for awhile. We will see what happens and if it results to this ^^.