Gianna

hehehe. so relatable. @soos_mite_ah It's normal to have the idea that once you leave your family that's it and there's no going back. In fact, you could even argue that this mindset is necessary in order to detach and restructure yourself authentically. But the truth is, once you rehabilitate yourself, you can always turn back to your family because you will be solid enough to stand on your own ground without collapsing or being swayed. You won't regret it because you would have developed so much strength and solidity in yourself by doing it, that you would never want to take it back for anything. In other words, you never want to go back to being attached, identified, and needy once you are detached, dis-identified, and self-serving. You will be extraordinary grateful that you chose yourself. If you are having thoughts like, "I can't go back to my family once I leave them because they will not have me back," then ask yourself this really painful and terrifying question: If my family cannot wish for the best for me– without considering their own selfish needs and concerns– then do they really care about me? If my family cannot see past themselves and hope for the best for me, then do they really love me?

Good! Remember, if you compromise yourself you will attract people who expect you to compromise yourself. Just like if you violate your own boundaries, you will attract people who violate your boundaries. Give the Universe (yourself) the right message for what you want and you will get it.

See the hell of it. See the hell of being attached to your own beauty. Also, see the hell of being beautiful. I would be ignorant to say it doesn't get you a lot. But it is also a curse. Being beautiful is a curse just as much as it is a blessing. See the curse of being beautiful and it will stop your obsession with it almost immediately if you really get it.

Ice baths?

Fuck yeah it's crazy.

yes devastatingly beautiful.

ohman

oh man that must be so hard dealing with. i'm sorry ricky. Leap and the net will appear <3

I just woke up from being asleep yet even when I was asleep I felt awake. This is how a lot of my sleep has been lately. Does anyone else experience this with becoming more awake? Feeling less of a desire for sleep? Maybe my meditations are vitalizing me more than life is draining me or something, I’m not sure. What do you guys think/experience?

@GreenWoods Oh wow, so funny that you mention this because I actually just started regular yoga because of a knee injury and I’m like pretty freaking good and haven’t even done it before. I told my yoga class instructor (who complimented me on it) that I think I was a yogi in a past life. Haha. So maybe this applies to the sleep yoga thing too? I’ll definitely look into it! Thanks! <3 <3

It’s not a visual experience although it kind of is in my minds eye. It’s really just a knowing, like awareness itself. Mind blownnnn. Holy shit. That just clicked for me. That makes complete and total sense.

@Tyler Durden I’m not sure. All I know is that the duality of sleeping and being awake is starting to collide for me. @gettoefl Oh man, thank you. That really validates my experience and makes me feel a lot better. That’s definitely what I am experiencing. It’s kind of concerning to me right now but I’m sure I’ll get used to it.

Hm. Yeah this makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you!

Not really for me lately and not really when you are lucid dreaming. I have been fully aware when I am asleep— I watch myself sleep. And so, I know I am sleeping. It is not a “I fall asleep and then a second later wake up” thing for me.

Oh man, ty!

oh shit. huge connection/epiphany for me here. ahh. that makes sense then! hm. makes me want to look into what chakras are in the gut. hehe. thank you!

another song to myself today. hehehe

I'm at the beach. It's an overcast type of mellow wind calm day. I'm sitting on a lounge chair writing these words. I can feel the lifeguard staring at me. Partly because when I gazed to my right just a few moments ago I involuntarily met eyes with him. Now I can feel his presence each time he looks at me– which is not all of the time by the way. The point is that I can feel it when it happens. Don't all girls have this sixth sense? It doesn't matter if they show it or not, a girl always knows when you are looking at her. This is why we are so good at pretending when we have to. It's a survival mechanism really. We picked it up because we thought we had to. Anyway, I don't mind it. It's not that I think it's good or bad. It's just that when you remind me of myself I can't lose myself. I'm trying to lose myself over here. So much goes on in the mind but a lot happens outside of it too. What happens outside of it is simple that's why I like it– prefer it even. A stare. That's all it is. It means nothing in and of itself. It's not until the mind comes in that you get flooded with everything. With meaning. What are you making things mean? The nature of your mind is the nature of your life. Is it neurotic and predictable? If it is then you don't know the true mind. The true mind is just as still as everything outside of it. Everyone has a true mind behind their neurotic one. Haven't you noticed you have more than one mind? Depending on how similar your minds are depends on you barely noticing the difference. If this difference is grand, oh boy. Now that's terrifying. But that's not to say that it's bad. You could call it multiple personality disorder but it's not really a disorder like I said everyone has it. It's just a question of, to what degree? The true mind is no mind at all. Chaos. Have you studied chaos theory? You know, that thing that says we can only accurately predict the weather within 10 days. Maybe it's 11? I don't know, don't quote me on the specifics. The point is that you can never know things for certain for too long. Thank god. The way I see chaos theory is this: everything is determined by what happened and then has free will. The thing is, everything is happening and already happened. It's like the simultaneous turn of a clock going clockwise and counter-clockwise. All of this academic debate over pre-determinism and free will. Can't you tell it's both? The answer to everything in life is always both. To say both is not to say balance there's a difference and that difference is called LIMIT. We are never limited even if we believe we are. We are always called to expand ourselves to hold space for both– to hold space for everything. It's just not very comfortable stretching yourself like this so not many people do it. Anyway, I wish you could see what I see. Between the far stretching ocean and sky, all I see is an array of blues– light blue, grey-blue, blue-white, blue-teal, dark blue. I'm from the desert so I'm not used to this much color. Oh yeah did I mention the beige-white color of the sand? I'm also wearing beige but it's a darker beige. I bring out the light beige of the sand and the sand brings out the dark beige in me. It's kind of romantic. Not to mention all of the colorful rocks in between. I see light-maroon, jean-blue, and charcoal colored rocks. Ooo I also see pearly white rocks. I think white is my favorite color because it's really all colors. Like a canvas that's painted on or a light shining through a prism. A blank canvas is like the true mind I was talking about earlier. And then the paint on top of it is like the neurotic one. When I say neurotic it might sound bad but it's not meant to be. Whatever you decide to paint is you. Just don't forget the canvas that breeds all potential. If it weren't for the canvas you couldn't paint. And so, if it weren't for your true mind you couldn't have a neurotic one. What did I say the true mind was again? Oh yeah, I said it was like everything that happens outside of it which is nothing at all. The lifeguard's stare was just a stare. What do you make of it?

"when someone is so ordinary, they're strange." hahaha from episode how things go full circle

hahahaha. omg i love it.

awe preety never let anyone make you feel wrong or bad. your needs are your needs. wanting an emotional connection before sex does not make you stingy, clingy, or needy– it makes you AUTHENTIC. deep. real. you should NEVER do anything that doesn't make you feel good. ever. I think the guys on here that don't like the idea of fulfilling emotional needs before sex just don't want to feel committed and responsible for it. maybe because they just want sex. idk. But sex is 10x better with an emotional connection anyway so don't settle for anything less. Your needs are perfect you are perfect.

yay! have you thought about asking your ex for some more insight into this? It seems like she predicted a lot of these blockages– like the spikes and now the nose. idk. Maybe her input can help?

wow I think this is genius @vizual what does it feel like to you in your body? for me it happens in the gut. I think. it's so elusive oooo. yes. I think that's definitely it for me too. but it also translates in the body. like that same exact feeling you describe in the quote but actually in the body. for me it is in the gut. thank you!

oh man this is so hard. I would journal about it and ask yourself these questions deeply. listen to your heart. here is a google doc I created on how to listen/live through your heart. I haven't read it in a while but I remember it being inspired by michael singer and teal swan. Here's the link.

wow this is exactly right. when I ask myself what I need all I can come up with is validation. maybe I should go to therapy just to be validated haha. but I think learning to re-parent yourself is such a genius suggestion. Thanks ricky! <3 Love you too soul brother