LloydRidges

Quit whipping yourself. You have been repressing the desires you expressed this past weekend. Now your ego is wanting to punish itself for not living up to it’s ideal of a spiritual, contemplative person. The real root of this desire to punish is your subconscious feelings of shame and guilt. Be honest as possible with yourself about times you felt shame and guilt. Think of these scenarios and observe what different areas of your body feel like, especially stomach, chest and throat. Say and act how you wanted to back then, but held back. Dig deep.

I did No-Fap for a few stretches over the years. I just ended up with erectile disfunction and shame over touching my penis. Accupuncture got rid of the ED. The initial realization I came to after resolving the ED, was that I was doing No-Fap because I was ashamed of not getting laid and I felt powerless over my ability to do so. This initial realization was not deep enough though. The discipline I used on No-Fap gave me a sense of pride and power, but the pride and power just allowed me to avoid dealing with a deep sense of shame that I had (the shame was way deeper than not getting laid). That shame came from inferiority complex I developed in my childhood and that I perpetuated by not setting boundaries with people. Maybe this is relatable and useful for someone.

Having a ton of perceptual blind spots and therefore not being aware if I am being dishonest with myself.

Self-Actualization: The most important things in life become to express oneself outwardly and to reduce one’s physical and psychological resistance to what is going on in the world. There is a diminished regard for minimizing loss and maximizing gain compared to a psychology dominated by self-preservation. There is still a sense of “you” being something different from everything else in existence though. Self-transcendence: You literally feel like the entire universe all at the same time, instead of being a “you” that is separated from the rest of existence by an imaginary boundary.