Eternity

Stop searching. You are who you are looking for. You are that. Not your ego because ego wants to run your life into the ground. It can't in reality but if you give it the power it will try. It is your own divine essence that you seek. But it is all ready you. You don't have to seek it. Read the collection Ramana Maharshi's words: https://www.sriramanamaharshi.org/. They are so clear, the collection erases any doubts. See "Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi"

@SamueLSDSome see it as intuition and at first it was hard for me to accept that a strong feeling is better than looking for analytical answers. Then I read a book called "The Journey That Never Was; A Guide to Hearing God's Voice" by DavidPaul and Candace Doyle and took part in one of their online teaching series. Candace seems to just channel God's voice and with her online help, just giving direction and answering questions, I meditated with her, and felt and an amazing sense of love radiating throughout my mind, and then she urged that we ask about whatever we want to know about. And the answers came as pictures and feelings to me. It was very clear what they meant. DavidPaul and Candace have a website you can probably google. They love to help others hear the "Holy Spirit" as they call it. I have had this experience many times especially when I feel disturbed by something. Lately that sense of Love just overcomes me sometimes when people are suffering but also out of nowhere. Once I was playing with my dog in our backyard, throwing a frisbee to her and I glanced over our fence at the greenbelt that is directly behind the house. The leaves on the trees and bushes were all glowing with an inner light, even the rocks and weeds seemed alive and I was filled with such love for all of them, knowing they were here serving me. I even loved the blackberry bushes that would grow through our fence much to my irritation. They were all so beautiful. I still have a hard time cutting the blackberries back because I still love them. That love of all things brings me to tears at times. I recommend you and the others here check out the Doyle's website and learn to experience "the Voice" yourselves.

We are the entire energy of the life force of the universe. We are our own law of physics. We've just forgotten who we are. When we wake up during meditation, or by way of some trigger to the fact that we control it all, then it is quite possible to do these things. Mystics have done these very things for ages. The most current mystic I know of who died just a few years ago is The Honorable David R. Hawkins M.D. who had mystical experiences since he could remember. He used to leave his body and just explore our solar system and galaxy as a small child. He thought he was just normal. But when he realized that others didn't do that, he quit. He was a religious boy as a kid, and during a blizzard while he was out delivering newspapers, he dug into a large bank of snow to protect himself and had a very moving out of body experience where he experienced God. Just as he was asked if he wanted to stay, his father found him and took him home. Later in his teen years he had a vision of suffering humanity and immediately became atheist. At one point he became an alcoholic and had to attend AA to overcome it. He became a psychiatrist and had a very prosperous practice when all of a sudden he had an urgent calling to leave and go to Sedona. He gave his wife his practice and took off in a borrowed rust bucket pickup driving from NY all the way to Sedona. Whenever his truck broke down, somehow the right tools or parts appeared and he'd fix it. He stayed in an abandoned ranch house a friend of his owned in Sedona. He had no money and often he and his roommate had no food, but he mostly forgot about eating. He went to various spiritual groups and studied borrowed books on spirituality and said in his own words that sometimes he was so deep into the whole spirituality thing, he would forget he was going to the door and just walk through the wall. He made many you tube vids and they are still on you tube, many of them. He also wrote books which really propel you forward in the quest to find your real self. You should watch his lectures because I've never felt more inspiration as during his lectures that I've watched.

@assx95I was born introverted and it took a long time for me to learn to be more social and be able to carry on a casual conversation. I was an INTJ and I'm now an I/ENTJ but it took a lot of practice. I had some very extroverted friends and watching how they did it went a long way to teaching me to at least have an extroverted side when I needed it. As an introvert I read some excellent books on changing your body language to signal you are approachable rather than unapproachable. Introverts give off signals that they are not comfortable around other people. It's unconscious, but other people pick up on it. For one thing, we don't radiate warmth which you can do by simply smiling (avoid grinning at someone for long periods however). Also practice using an open stance if you are just hanging out. Introverts tend to keep arms and legs close to the body standing or sitting. Arms need to be relaxed and akimbo, legs should not be crossed. Those are closed positions and discourage others from approaching you. Get the book "Body Language Explained" by C.K. Murray. There are also subtle touches (when you walk with girls, it's fairly easy to accidently brush your hand against hers, repeat that a few times, then if she doesn't pull away, hook your little finger to hers and move your hand gradually until you've got ahold of hers. This is just one of the suggestions) that people register subconsciously that make you more sympathetic to them. There is another book on Audible for free called "How to Talk to Anyone" by Leil Lowndes. Listen to it and file it in your brain. Don't go for the manipulation or dark manipulation techniques; those will come around and bite you in the a$$. Those two books alone should give you a good start. If it's night or sunset look up at the sky on a clear night and tell her how beautiful the stars are but nothing compared with her. Women may act as if they don't like compliments or that they are shy, but believe me, they do like compliments. If you keep that up (her lips, her eyes, her hair, or whatever (no over agressive statements) you can start by planting little kisses when you compliment each of her facial features, until you get close to her lips and compliment them as irresistible and brush your lips against hers until you are full on kissing. Let your arms encircle hers and press your hips to hers - very erotic. I've been approached and pursued by many men and all of this works on me as long as it's done gently and keep on kissing. Good luck on improving your game.

I'm def over 30. I have a niece into S&M and I know it when I see it.

You need to widen your hobby and interests and do some new things where women would also be involved. Flowboy is right. You are shooting yourself down before you even try. Look at athletic champions. They actually repeat over and over to themselves and imagine themselves being winners. There isn't room for a negative outlook if you want to be successful. If your location is near to any outdoor activities you might try learning to ski. You don't need to be a champion skier either and there are lots of cute snow bunnies on the slopes btw. I would know. I used to be one. Take a few lessons at just about anything as long as the activity is coed, or join a home team support group for your local team. Here is another technique, a simple mind exercise that will give you a confidence boost. I tried it once and I was so psyched afterward, I knew I could do anything. Do the following: Take a blank sheet of paper and start at the top listing all the strengths you do have. List each one 5-10 times before going on to the next. You say you are a recluse. Well, that makes you a great listener. Lots of chatty females would love a good listener because it's a rare find among most males they come across. I used to be totally introverted for a good part of my early years. But I made lots of friends because I didn't talk much and I listened. Eventually from watching my outgoing friends, I learned a few tricks on how to chat someone up or keep the conversation going. Just asking a few questions about her will get the ball rolling. Make sure you have follow up questions in mind so there's no dead air. And practice. You need to practice even if it's only a cashier at the grocery. Also there are several books out there, like "Quiet" by Susan Cain that speak to the strengths of being introverted and why it is a strength in many cases. I have friends who married quiet guys and they are all very happy together. You are fine as you are and, yes, a happy long term relationship is entirely possible for you.

First off the top of my head, her #1 suggestion is sado masochism. For the majority of women, that is a no go. I'm female and have sisters and female friends all of whom would be out of there in a second. I didn't say all women, but only a minority are into it. Further along she suggests spanking, also sado masochism. Not a good thing. In general all the women I know would just clam up, put their clothes back on and leave without another word. Same thing for not backing down. I'm married. My husband is a stubborn German, but he knows if he didn't back down when a compromise is needed, we'd be divorced already. Then we have the objectification of her body. Only a few doormats would enjoy that. I and all the female friends I have would highly resent that since we have resented it for I-don't-know how many thousands of years. Just as we feel that at least we are seen as human beings, this female genius says to objectify your woman. Good luck with that. This is part of the reason the majority of divorces are instigated by women. And her suggestion of deep healing empathy? Ummm it sounds like she wants a daddy in the bedroom and not a man. I would call her twisted in the head. She has daddy issues. If you're lucky, as a female, you may get a few grunts of some sort of "I hear you" sentiment from a man who is not trying to be your daddy. If you get more than that, extra points. Overall, I give her little educational talk an F-! Guys, don't listen to this kind of freaky deaky advice. I'm telling you, you will have less luck with the majority of women you hit on not more if you do listen. But if you are totally into sado masochism, then I guess you should reveal that honestly and don't just spring it on her in the bedroom like this brainless chick advises or you could face charges if you make the wrong move.

Are you talking to yourself or may I interrupt? I'm just kidding, no worries. But I do have something to say here. I took an interest a while ago in sociopaths and psychopaths now known as anti social personality disorder. There is something like 1% of the population that have this disorder. I have met at least one of each kind in my life. These disorders cannot be treated successfully or medicated. There is currently no cure. They do not have empathy for others, use others ruthlessly, lie about everything and anything with no conscience. There are also narcissists who care only about themselves. I also have experienced 2 of these in my life. They don't lie as much, but are so far into themselves that they don't even consider anybody else's feelings. So have you considered you've just had a run in with one of these disordered people? There are enough of them to make it very possible. As far as ruining your life, I expect I've lived longer than you. And I've found my greatest disappointments have given me the most valuable lessons I've learned so far. At first it stings like hell. And you feel stupid and worthless and then angry. Then eventually you put it in your past. I did some self forgiveness hypnosis recordings quite a few years back and the most helpful statement that stands out to me was "forget the pain, but remember the lesson." I came away with that not wanting to beat myself up anymore over some things that happened when I wasn't even a teen yet. And to this day, when something upsets me, I think of that statement. I don't have to hold onto the pain. But the lessons have given me wisdom I wouldn't otherwise have had. Not everyone is a sociopath or narcissist, so not everyone is ruthless. That is your pain speaking right now. Believe me many many kind people exist. You met a bad apple is all that happened and they did you wrong. You do need to watch for red flags. Two red flags are maybe ok, but keep them on file in your head. The one after those is when you cut ties. This is really why I read and watched some youtube vids on socio/psychopaths and narcissists, so that I can spot the red flags. Just for future problems maybe arm yourself with some extra knowledge about these disordered people.

Good one SamC. It's humorous, but on a more serious note Vido, learn to accept yourself even if you regret your breakup with this girl. Ego is keeping you in this cycle of drama because ego wishes to stay alive. And so the ego will feed on the drama and empower itself. Every drama you encounter is just a story that you co-create with God, like a stage play. You get to play the lead while God provides the creative force for it. It really is fairly unimportant in the grand scheme of things. All stories pass away once you have seen through them. No one wins or loses. It's all just made up. So stop regretting. It only puts the rest of your life on hold. There is another and another and another woman for you just waiting in the wings for you to notice her. Let go of this little drama and another story will appear.

@RendHeaven ok, dude. I'm female (don't assume that women never look at this forum) and I'm here to tell you that women are at firs glance attracted to looks. However, we are not as testosterone driven sexually as men, so we can put that on the back burner for a while as we analyze (and we do analyze any guy we are interested in and pick him apart with our gfs) the protential you each have for a long term relationship and supporting a child. After all mother nature gave us the care of offspring which is a full time job believe me. So we weigh that kind of thing while you all are mostly only thinking of the very near future and how to get the female into bed with you. Only if and I do mean if you have huge game will she maaaayyybe look past your appearance. I mean for example, the front man for Radiohead who sang "Creep" and had red or blonde hair with a drooping eyelid on one side, for me anyway, was hot. I do not ordinarily like redheads at all. But that guy sang a song that just hit me in the solar plexus and a lot of other girls at the time thought he was hot. So there are exceptions, but mostly the rule is with every female I know, if you are a 2/10 in the looks department you won't have a huge chance of getting more than average looks in your dating stable. I'm sorry, but all of us are wired the way we are wired. If you are not a girl's type, then you're not. Men can also up their game with plastic surgery btw. I've had a few, 3 I think, nips and tucks. My figure has been curvy in all the right places since puberty and I worked out regularly prior to an injury, but I wasn't happy with my facial profile or heavy eyelids, so I had those changed. No big deal and didn't cost a lot. But I'm happy with myself. As far as the crush girl who likes you, you can't help that she's not your type. Why you feel nothing for her, no pull at all, is not your fault. We have certain things that our brains are programmed to like and things we are programmed not to like. This girl doesn't have much game or she would not ever have flat out said she wanted a kiss and that may have been the final blow to any little bit of attraction you possibly had. After all, she hasn't figured out yet that no one wants to date a loser. So before she brings it up with you again, tell her kindly something such as "You know why I like you? Because you feel like a sister to me," or something similar and emphasize sister a few times over again. Call her "little sis" maybe if she keeps hanging on. Don't encourage her by talking to her for hours on the phone. Don't call her and if she calls you, just keep it short. The message is, you most likely have no desire to kiss your sister and have no desire to do it with this girl. She may suddenly ghost out of your life which is expected or she might hold up false hope until it finally sinks in. But that is probably the kindest thing you can do. She'll get the idea one day and she'll probably learn to fix herself up more, but it is a valuable lesson for her because otherwise how would she learn to go to a little trouble and up her chances with another guy who might be "the one" for her. The lessons learned through hard circumstances are the best ones you will ever learn. You are a lesson for her and a valuable one at that.

I'm an aggressive female dating coach though the entire forum had to close down and at that point I decided to retire. I was known for being hard nosed on the forum. Most of the women there wanted to be doormats which I found irritating. I even got mentioned in some newspaper article (I forget which) for being one of the most popular ones because I spoke truth and didn't cave when women whined and cried about their boyfriends. But if I were a man, I wouldn't ask me for advice unless you really want to know what women want and not the kind of swill men wish was true. What I would tell you would probably scorch your eyeballs. So if you're not ready for honesty, don't ask.

Peace is the pathway to happiness. Follow peace and happiness with appear from nowhere. The biggest change for me was reading and studying A Course in Miracles. It takes open mindedness to read. At first the introduction gives you an idea about how the universe works. Then when you read the text of the book it can feel like you are reading Chinese or something. But I figured I'd read it anyway and if I thought it was a bunch of bull by the end, I'd trash it. After about 100 pages I began to understand some of the paragraphs and the more I read, the more I understood. This book is not written in linear fashion. It meanders from one subject to another which I found less rigid than other self help books. I found it to work for me. The way it is written, it finds your deepest fears and secrets without the ego knowing what is going on. Therefore you get the message loud and clear. Each time I felt depressed or hopeless or victimized, I opened the text anywhere and there were always the right words that lifted me right out of the deep hurt I wasn't even aware I had and trauma just healed without any effort on my part. As you read, you will find bad habits just disappearing without even being aware. You will find your viewpoint changing from feeling competition towards others to love and understanding for others. That is the miracle that the book is named after. There is a lesson book at the back with small 1-2 paragraphs for you to keep in mind each day you read it. Some people find that helpful. For me the Text was speaking directly to me and I found the lessens too distracting throughout the day. Give it a try. The more you read it the more positive things will appear in your life and outlook.

I love that you have found this sense of completeness, peace and love. Thank you for sharing, and bless you on your journey.