Echoing @kag101here.
Enlightenment is not a cure or a solution. A hell of a a lot of stuff can be at play here. Soul fragmentation being one of them.
Watch your thoughts man! Suicide is a loop and it is not a solution to anything. If it matters to you, you will carry your level of consciousness to the other side and will still be living with yourself at the level you are at now. What are you here for? You didn't come here without some idea of what you are here for and what lessons you have set out for yourself. This may be one of them. The world is in a crazy state right now and the future looks bleak in some ways, but not in all ways.
See a psychotherapist. They can help at a capacity we cannot. A lot of people here who don't know you care about you. Please stay with us.
