museumoftrees

Reflect on the relationship, focus especially on how you could be a better partner in the next one. Think about what type of partner you would like to attract next. Work on every aspect on yourself. Spend more time working on your craft (i.e writing) and hone down on your talents and passions. Go on with life tasks and life purpose. Also, go into no contact. None of this 'staying friends' non-sense. Especially if one or both still have romantic feelings for the other.

We can't regulate the dating market. Do you want to be forced to have sex with women you are not attracted to or repelled by ? So why should women be forced to have sex with guys they are not attracted to ? Stop wasting your time with this non-sense. Society will not hand out sex to you neither should they

Hey. I'm in my early twenties, i'm physically fit and eat healthy most of the time. I don't watch porn, don't smoke, don't do drugs, etc. But sometimes, when i'm with chicks, I have troubles getting strong erections, especially before i'm penetrating her. If I succeed in not thinking too much about the anxiety of not being hard and stay excited long enough to where we both have our clothes off and I can put on a condom without becoming anxious and start to fuck her then I will be hard like a horse and there won't be a problem. However if I think too much about not being able to get hard I will become instantaneously soft just before it's time for penetration and I will spiral into feelings of shame. I know that my erectile dysfunction is caused by an anxiety to perform and to be hard. I just can't not care about not being hard. I'm wondering if anyone on this forum went through something similar and has solid tips to help me solve this problem permanently. I might be thinking of going to see a sex therapist, help me deal with these issues personally. Looking forward to hear about y'all advices and insights.

So it is the shame of being perceived as someone who can't get hard that maintains the softness (lol) ? How did you get yourself to stop caring about being hard ? Also, how many times did you have to use viagra and did it have any negative impacts on you ? ... Concerning the shame I feel over not being able to get hard I think the main sticking points and things I am afraid of is turning the girl off in bed (making her angry) or having her ridicule me either in bed when I can't get hard or talking to other girls behind my back and telling them i'm not as cool as I portray myself to be. This shows an oversensitivity to criticism, too much investment in others opinion and a general neediness and lack of confidence I think.

What's your ethnicity ?

https://mensbreakup.com/ @Seven7 I've found that this website helped me gain perspective about my breakup. Plenty of articles to read that will help you process what you are going through.

A good way to forgive yourself for your selfishness is to understand that ultimately you are an ego that is acting out a survival script (watch Leo's latest video How Survival Shapes You). Forgive yourself for not knowing better, you are a child that will learn forever. Her leaving you, in a sense, is consciousness or ''god's'' way of loving you, teaching you a lesson. If she would have stayed with you what would have likely happened is either you ending up cheating on her or discarding her and momentarily coming back in her life to use her for emotional comfort and sex without commitment. It's a part of her agenda to leave you. She did it out of love. Understand her survival agenda and honour it. If you take the lessons, let her go lovingly and move on, you will get the chance to repair what you did and heal the world with another person. For a while you are going to want to get back with her a lot, I understand that, i'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't and that exes are exes for a reason, that's your choice. However, understand that no amount of talking to her, convincing her, begging, calling, etcetera will get her back. Don't do anything to get her back. Until she misses you a few months from now, every conversation you initiate with her will confirm her bias that you don't deserve her and that she's right for breaking up with you. Leave her completely alone and level yourself up. Take the lesson, move on and be excited because this is a great opportunity for growth and self-improvement which is probably the purpose of why you are here. She might reach out in the future and you guys can work things out I guess, but you need to heal, change, improve and focus on growing right now. Do it as an investment in yourself. Don't cling to the hope of her coming back. Keep imagining a positive future for yourself. I recommend you delete every conversations you have with her, every picture you have of her, nudes of her and put physical reminders in a box somewhere you can't see for now. Focus on healing and moving on. I'm going through an almost identical situation man, i'll be there if you have more questions. Good luck Seven

I did the same thing in my last relationship that ended 3 months ago. I was getting more distant and less aware of her emotional needs towards the last 2-3 months because I wanted to have sex with other women. Just like you I let it die slowly instead of cutting it off. I sabotaged it. I thought I was going to break up with her. She forecasted the slow death of our relationship with her hyper feminine intuition and broke things off before I did though... And just like you I was devastated. I suggest you go to therapy and do serious contemplation. You need to figure out why you didn't cut it off immediately to go get yourself other women or why you couldn't chase the thoughts of other women and recommit to the one you had. That's what i'm currently doing.

I've taken my ex for granted. We we're in a relationship for 11 and a half months. I've been in No Contact with her since after a week she broke up with me almost 10 weeks ago. She reached out to wish me a happy birthday 4 days ago after 57 days of no contact. I replied to her in a polite, friendly manner and after exchanging a few texts I suggested we meet up to catch up. She responded that she'd love to catch up so I asked what was her schedule for the next week which she didn't respond to. I am going to therapy to work on my attachment issues (avoidance) and work through other toxic behaviours I have. I wonder if I should text her to let her know i'm taking steps to change, improve and doing therapy or should I completely leave her alone?

A good sign of what?

Good answer, thank you! In the end there's no one size fits all. My gut was telling me I needed to let her know i'm aware of how I was neglecting her during our relationship. I'm not desperate to get her back, I would love too but i'm okay with moving on as well.

It's hard to give a good portrait of our relationship in a few paragraphs but you are right, i'm not hard to have a conversation with but during the relationship I definitely was. I must say the breakup humbled me, I was a bit arrogant before. In conclusion you are right, I probably shouldn't contact her. Thank you for your advice

Is it up to her to contact me even if I was the one that neglected her ? Will me telling her i'm going to therapy only lower her attraction to me ? We've only talked once since we broke up and she was the one to text me. Thanks for your reply!

A part of me feels ashamed telling another person I think I suck at attracting girls and therefore I have been putting up getting a therapist for years but I know it's the right thing to do. I wouldn't tell my own family i'm having troubles attracting females, i'm too ashamed of it. It's even more shameful when you are considered handsome and well dressed by everyone around you (collegues, family, friends). I think a big component of men not acting in that area of their lives is the shame that comes with it. I haven't finished my drivers license yet and I don't know how to build a business, etc and i'm not a tiny ashamed by it. But being attractive to women is a different thing. Counter-intuitively shame promotes stagnation and regression more than evolution. I don't want to be seen being bad with girls lol. Nevertheless you have been helpful my man. Thanks a lot for your reply. I might not do everything you've listed on there tomorrow but eventually i'll gradually chip away at it.

Me and my ex-gf of one year broke up a month ago. Separation anxiety and a serious case of Oneitis has been settling inside my mind this past week. I've been too confident during the relationship and neglected her feelings so now she decided that she needed space. My self-esteem has taken a toll. I feel rejected, unlovable, alone and a prisoner to my lack of relationship skills. I've been getting advice from my family and friends but it's all too vague and not helpful. I've been aware of the whole relationships and dating self-help subcategory for 2-3 years but i've been putting off doing any real work in that area because of laziness and fear. I've just been getting the girls that are easily attracted to me because of my looks. I'm scared of experiencing rejection and looking stupid in front of others but I know that I will never feel worthy of myself if I never face my fears. I don't have many options in my life right now in terms of sexual partners because I am scared of approaching and I don't know the techniques to attract girls and close with them. I don't want to revert to porn to get my sexual stimulation, I want to fix this and get it over with. I need a concrete plan to overcome social anxiety and to get better with girls. I want to do serious work and I am looking for tips, teachers, videos, exercises, a plan basically. I don't know where I should start. I should maybe do a mix of therapy for social anxiety and learn pick up artistry but I don't know where to start. I have traumas to heal but also outwards techniques to learn. Everything could help. I'm confused and even depressed a bit. Let me know what you guys think love

Nice! I like the theory and the writing on there, it's helping me. thanks

I will! Thanks for the reply