fopylo

@meow_meow I just had last week my test for being a spokesman and like I've said, I'm really not excited about the military and I would NEED to think about a plan otherwise I'm fucked. I've even had thoughts again about trying to get out of the army, but seeing it in practice I don't think it will go well (telling my parents, friends and people close by knowing I won't be going to the army). I mean I could theoretically really push to become a volunteer (which is for 1 year), but I don't know anymore. If I had been very very clear on my path and on what I want to do in the future, or perhaps have started a very successful business earlier then it could maybe make more sense to my parents but especially to myself for why I decided on getting out. On second thought, if I'm not in the military I might be fucked because I would probably be living like a moron in my parents' house. Saw most of it a while back. I'll give it a second listen

I have journaled already about this so I don't want to feel like I'm repeating myself but I was nervous before going but luckily I went with a friend. This was a party which concludes the end of high-school (not the prom yet). I took like 3 shots overall before getting in. I was really confused and just stood at the sides and went out a few times, but slowly tried to get in by greeting people I know and trying to mimic their moves and laughed it off from embarrassment. Eventually the alcohol started kicking in and I felt very relaxed inside and I just started dancing and expressing myself through my body and it just felt so good, like I'm releasing something in me, practicing letting go. I was starting to really get into the center and wasn't giving a shit what people think about me. I was really happy that I decided to get out of my comfort zone and go (also I got to hug a girl and dance with another one and I just felt so calm in my mind about it). Now I hear here and there that partying is not good and that you shouldn't spend your youth partying. This sounds quite wrong. I swear to god I feel like my consciousness levels kind of shot (although I was trippy) and I was very loving and playful with my environment. I was letting go, and expressing, just expressing. The effect it had on me later was quite huge. It's as if I got the ability to let go more easily, and that means letting my feelings express themselves and be without monitoring, more smoothly. It kind of reminds me of the effects from my first Shamanic Breathing exercise I did.

I'm in a similar position, except with the work stuff. I have intense cravings lately for sex because of all that nofap. Sorry, I don't have anything to add. I'm just following because I'm interested

I've been taking a long break from the book Music Habits: The Mental Game Of Electronic Music Production (if anyone heard about it) and it's quite insightful. One of the things he talks about is the fact that building the habit comes prior to building your skills, and that thinking that you need more "knowledge" and tutorials is just an illusion. Once you build the habit then everything becomes way easier and you actually do create music instead of just fantasizing. So basically he gave an exercise (or advice) to open your DAW and create everyday for 15 minutes (though he said you can do even up to 30 minutes, but I'll stick with 15). He says that it can be very trashy, but as long as you create something , it's good. So I've been doing this exercise in the past (not consistently, skipping some days), and let me tell you my experience and maybe you could help guide me. So here are some struggles I faced with it: I felt pressure to create something and be creative. Even tough he said it can be trashy I still felt the anxiety to create something, bring an idea onto the table and make it sound good. I also felt sometimes pressured by the time. 15 minutes never gave me enough time to start and finish something. This made shorter beats that are mostly on loop with nothing special. I don't want to go also overtime because I don't want my brain to think that like 20 minutes is what I should be aiming for next time, putting more pressure. The biggest reason why I skipped days (imo) is because this process feels so dumb. I have this notion that I'm capable of reaching very high levels with my music if I really put my effort into it. And doing this exercise really makes me feel trash and hurt. Some of the instruments are just too heavy for my FL Studio to render, which is frustrating and very limiting. About the last point, I'm really interested in creating orchestral music. I just think it's so damn beautiful. The problem is that my laptop can't fucking render the good quality violins while I'm creating. It is a real pain to play a few notes and then make a sample out of it because this is the only way to render it, and even then it's really a mess. I've been really inspired by the YouTuber Alex Moukala if anyone knows. But back to the writer's block. I just don't really know what to think about in this process. What are some good mindsets and ideas I should take while doing those 15 minutes. I get also really frustrated when my song is just a loop, or the sounds are not as I had in my head. I've decided that I want to get back into creating music. I wouldn't be surprised if it's somehow tied with my life purpose. All the time fucking delaying it with excuses that seem so valid, even such as "I'm taking a break to practice mindfulness and meditation so I can come back stronger" is a very genius get-away. Anyways, I would appreciate guidance and advice from fellow musicians here who also went through such a period. Thanks

@Nahm But I really do. That is what's keeping me doing meditation - the purification of the mind. From my point of spiritual development I still need to do meditation and purify my mind. Maybe from your point of development things look much different and you might even say "enlightenment is already the case", sure, it might be true but won't help someone way behind you. Even now saying there is no in front and behind is from your point. Let's get it more relative to me. Okay, so even if it's a thought it is still pointing towards a system, a system of fears and problems (which I've created) that limit my potential and imagination and ability to let go and create whatever the fuck I want. I can't simply be ignorant to them. It's like refusing to look at your bank statement because it makes you very uncomfortable seeing all your expenses and the solution will be to focus on something else that will make you feel good. It doesn't seem like you're addressing the 'negative' thoughts. Even if we created them, I think we still need to handle them somehow. From what I understood meditation is supposed to serve in surfacing those thoughts to the conscious mind (the conscious level, consciousness, however you like) in order to purify them. Isn't that how you let go? I like that. I seem to have over the months and years different perspectives which change a bit over time, all about some problem I have, taking different angles to it. I need to let go of something deeper than one perspective

Thanks!

I've purchased it but I don't know where to log in. When I go to 'store' then it says that I already purchased it but there's no button to open it

@Nahm There is possibly, I believe I need to purify my mind from the fears that are holding me back. That's why I've been really into meditation lately, doing the Do-Nothing and more in order to free my mind. But, ugh... I don't know man, maybe deep down my mind doesn't want change and wants to remain in homeostasis... Because it is kinda vague saying "just create man, you don't have problems". I mean the bigger picture in the sense that there are all kinds of fears from the mind linked to this activity and it isn't so simply as "just create". If it was that easy, perhaps everyone would achieve their goals.

@Nahm Not trying to be some annoying person but I don't think I quite understood the mechanics of how this works. I guess I see how carrying with me a story everywhere of how I have a problem is confining me, but the thing is that even if I don't state it or don't think about it, it still exists. I might not be thinking about the excuses and all of these things and thinking I have a problem, but once I have the thought of "Hey, I think I should create music, I've always wanted to do it and build a Youtube channel" then the fear and resistances arise. They arise in the moment I have this thought, so in those moments it doesn't matter if I believe I have a problem, it is happening on a subconscious level. And stating what I want to create sounds kinda ignorant, as if I'm saying to myself "Dude, just create wtf. You don't have any problem, just go and create". We know that the picture is a bit bigger than that. Abiding in that state for a few seconds, I had an association of me having a story and being attached to it as it defines me vs me flowing through life as a separate entity from my 'story' and this 'story' is just events the me went through. But I really have been talking about these things, it's something that really happened. Look at the thread. Obviously I've been talking about it, even if what I said sounds bullshit it still happened. Oh wait... You mean the image I have of myself as a separate entity talking and knowing..? If I let go then perhaps my beliefs and dogmas will surface to the top...?

This needs to happen

Every time I'm going to have lunch with a friend it's always me who's taking the initiative. Never (except maybe like twice) had someone taken the initiative to have lunch with me. But the thing is that the say yes when I invite them, and it doesn't seem as though they're doing me a favor, but rather cooperating. But still, why am I the one to always take the initiative? I'm telling you, I've tried leaving them for like a week or two and they didn't come back to me. I thought they just needed some space, but then at least will sometime recognize this space and decide to invite me. But yeah, they still have no problem coming when I invite them. However, there are also other kinds of "friends" with whom I speak to in school and I've known them for quite some years, but I'm slowly starting to rethink those friendships. They are nice but when the rubber hits the rode they disappear. They always can't have lunch with me (I wasn't nagging them. Maybe 3-4 times asked them, the said they can't and didn't ever initiate in return) and they never come to my concerts and meet one on one. Those people are still good friends of mine. It's just that it's quite bothering and confusing me why they never can/want to meet with me and take the initiative. In fact, I'm quite somewhere in the center of this "group" of friends (there tend to joke a lot around me about me in a friendly way and I make them laugh and bring interest into the conversation). So yeah, why do friends not invite me but act very friendly to me at school? (it doesn't seem even like they're faking it) Why do I feel kinda lonely outside of school, but in school I feel closer to the center within some groups of people? It is really confusing me and I don't want to make radical decisions of cutting out people when I might lack understanding

With all the massive respect I have for Leo, in one of his recent videos (I think the misapplying spiritual teachings or the nihilism) he raised the question of what to do in a suicidal situation, to kill yourself or not. The dude said it doesn't matter. In the absolute obviously, but still, quite a disturbing way to phrase it. Doesn't really help to say that. He is talking facts but I think he needs to remember the kind of people and minds he's talking to. More green from him to embody I believe.

@Eph75 Thank you very much man! You are full of amazing insights and I think I have a better image of how this works. I won't try to achieve friendships and relationships but rather give them value as if the relationships (and 'being on the same team') is already the case.

@Nahm Ok, I could relate to that "carrying that story with you everyday" and that carrying this story (or problem) to every situation, introducing it, is helping in maintaining this prison - the story I'm confined in. Thanks for bringing that into my awareness. But won't you say there is value in having a story? I mean, we all have a story, no? You even wrote a story about yourself while representing the dream board if I'm not mistaken. How else should people know what's my problem if I don't give them some background and how my mind is working in order to get the best help? Alright, so basically I understood that if there is no really "me" (the story of me, although the story is kinda real because it happened literally) then nothing really, or like everything that is present could be me and so I can see how it makes sense. However I haven't understood it experientially yet. Dude but the subconscious mind is a real thing. Let's talk relative and not existentially absolutely - we have a subconscious mind.

@Endangered-EGO I don't know what is a kundalini awakening and all that stuff, and who knows, maybe I've had some transformative change because of this sexual energy. I certainly had moments of very high and I think it has to do with the nofap

@Endangered-EGO How do you do this? Not to brag but I'm on 250+ days of nofap and I was thinking on maybe quitting but now that you mentioned that I want to utilize this streak and transform this energy somehow.

@seeking_brilliance He asked me that assuming that I believe that I'm not enslaved by my mind. I do believe I'm enslaved by mind so it beat the purpose of a Zen-slap I guess, just didn't understand what was 'boring' about my response and what he tried to get out of me by saying this. I haven't read in a very long time, but this is mainly because I instead watch Leo's videos and take notes. Instead of going a full month in on a single book I can just get ton of wisdom in pieces from Leo's videos, that's how I grow fastest for now. But I just ordered yesterday the book "The Way Of The Superior Man". Marijuana is kinda illegal here and will be very hard to get. Same thing with psychedelics - The logistics are just not good: I still live with my parents and I'm going to the camp in a bit more than a month for half a year, coming back home only once every 2 weeks. That means retreats won't really be possible. And even after this half year I have my army service for 2.5 years. Honestly man, there are just many limitations logistic and internal wise. But I honestly don't feel the drive and the will to create music. But I know this is something I'll want to pursue in the future. Every time I hear some music (rap, jazz, classical, and more) performance it just hits me every time and sparks something in me calling me.

@ivankiss Man I've been reading some of your latest ones and my dick is just so hard and I go into fantasy world lol. You're a fucking sex God. I wish I had sex like you (still a virgin)

@hyruga Not that difficult. Don't assume what's easy for you is easy for others. It's obviously not the technicals which are difficult (to go open the fucking laptop and software and play around), but rather the resistance of the mind and all the negative subconscious meanings attached to it.

Since no one was home I decided to do it in the dinning table, all alone, with my phone with a timer of 30 minutes. Everything went well but after like 15 minutes my brother came, and had to get up and open the door, then continue the meditation and doing "as if I'm being on the phone" (but actually looking at the timer). Right afterwards my dad came and here and there I said a few words just not to make it look awkward and sometimes I got feedback like why am I looking at him, it just felt very weird. A few minutes later my mom came and now all the family is in the house wandering all over, moving from place to place and I'm just sitting in the dining table with one hand on my knee and the other on the phone with the timer trying as much not to move and acting as if I'm scrolling on some social media (it was so fucking weird lol). At the meantime my brother also had his supper in front of me, my dad was watching tv in the lounge and my mom was heating something in the oven. So many things were happening and it was just so off, anti-meditation environment lol. But I was making an effort to stay as conscious as I can within all this action. I made sure not to judge it as annoying or disgusting or anti-spiritual environment, but let it be part of what's real now. I wouldn't say it was easy to let my mind and attention loose (hell, this whole thing made it super difficult) but I tried to let myself be as if I wasn't planning on being in "meditation mode". I was still making an effort to become conscious of my emotions and my senses. I feel that I've hit a new level of consciousness. I've gone through quite a few changes of understanding the meaning of being conscious. If I want to explain a mathematical equation I am using logic, rationality and sense making, sending it by language into thinking. The problem with consciousness is that trying to explain it by language into thought already defeats itself since (I don't know exactly how but it's just that the act of thinking and trying to interpret reality through internal sense making, thinking and internal language doesn't really work). From my experience the "language" that consciousness goes through is the language of feelings. Let's imagine that there's no such thing as language (spoken and written and any mind communication tactics). What I've found is that language is basically an emotional expression of any kind which is translated into sound and paper. On a deep level, it is just a transaction of emotions. Think about it in the most innocent sense, like a baby really. It's all just emotions. When everything becomes without language but pure emotion (and I should also mention senses but my experience is mostly with feelings and emotions), then everything becomes light and you can more easily let it be. I've also had an insight in the shower afterwards that in order to let something be I need to be aware of it. It just made so much sense when I had that insight. The only reason you can let something be is because it is, and just is, and this is how you interpret it - as itself, why - because you're aware of it, it is in your perception. This whole awareness stuff seems way more innocent and "dumb" (in a good way lol) the more I meditate and understand

But you kinda contradict yourself because you just said that lower SD stage girls will not be attracted to this. Most girls are not super evolved psychologically. Basically most girls will go away from you while you still attract girls, but less

@Leo Gura By RSD are you talking about Owen Cook? And would you recommend his courses? I am now on a summer vacation and I came up with an idea I told a friend of mine that we can go to a random party/bar in the country in order to get out of our comfort zones and practice communicating with the opposite sex. I also said that I'm looking for sex because I feel like I really want it already. But that brought up a dilemma I have - Should I really waste my virginity that easily on some random woman just because I want to have sex that bad? It makes me look like some beta if I don't have much standards for the woman. And also, even if I find an amazing woman, I am still not interested in a relationship now, only sex, so what do I do?

@Leo Gura Hard for me to believe. It would make more sense to me if a not hot girl would have no problem sleeping with anyone, but a hot girl is higher value for sex for a guy. Sure, this wasn't my intention. In a sense I want to have sex but not be in a relationship yet. Want to get some sexual experience before that

@Leo Gura Would it be wise though to go to a club specifically for the purpose to fuck a girl and then leave her (or she leaving him) ? Especially if you're still a virgin

As I've been practicing this new kind of meditation, as with any kind, comes a time when I face issues with it and it is hard for my mind to stay still and cooperate. After some time doing this technique I've developed a method (which is in development) - I have a mantra of wherever your attention goes, follow it so that you feel this comfy feeling, and let everything around you be. The problem comes when thoughts are involved. Since this meditation means I'm free to think and accept my monkey mind then I'm 'letting myself think', then I'm caught up in something, then quickly realize that, and then I'm like 'let it be' (because at that point my tendency was to dismiss it) so I'm bringing the thought back and trying to let it continue. So this is exactly the problem. As you can see I am still trying to control my thoughts in very sneaky ways. I feel like I am sometimes slightly forcing myself to think and to control my thoughts a bit. This creates mental pain and I hate this feeling after meditation, especially when I expect to feel better afterwards. So how do I let go and let my thoughts be the right way? How do I really 'let go'? Are there any straightforward ways to increase your ability to let go / your capacity to accept, and very easy and simple which isn't tricky and all that?