fopylo

@Matt23 I like the idea you have of speed-reading and highlighting. I think it will work best for me. The chapters are like between 2-5 pages, so it's quite a hassle to take notes after each chapter. It's quite slow

@Eph75 Ok so let me understand. If I accept that following is ok then it will help get rid of neurotic thinking (that things should be differently, based on the idea that being a follower is not good, especially to people I don't want to feel behind), which will give me the space to think clearly, thus allowing myself to get involved and engaged in what's going on? But I can't be a follower for most of my life, it still sickens me a slight bit even if I try to approve of it. Eventually I want to be a leader. I won't consider my brother much of a leader as if he'd learnt it or something, but it seems he does have some skill like being part of the plans, also he plays video games and he leads his team, and also has a YouTube channel with almost 6k subscribers. Quite found his niche. Today I tried something new. So today I was focused on trying to be second in the row, I was like focused on the steps and all of those tiny things, really. Time wasted. My brother was just easy-ing through the walks, looking around and talking, and he naturally knew how to get to his spot. Ugh.. I had enough. I gave up. Maybe I sort of surrendered in this moment. Remembering Leo's most recent video, he talks about the importance of enjoying life by yourself for yourself without having to include others in your experience. I was following but I was trying to bask a bit in the mystery and magic of reality and got the feeling for a moment that I was enjoying it for myself. Trying to be the leader includes others in the equation, but once I took responsibility for this circuit of reward, I could get myself to feel more genuine happiness

Man I literally don't understand what you're saying, also on my other thread. Is it a joke? I can't understand then what you're saying, but I'm quite serious about understanding@blackchair

Leo's most recent video was quite amazing and made me think I should really be focusing on giving myself the rewards and own this system. From what I understood you can bask in your own solitude for raising inner fulfillment and so now you are detached from the rest of the activities in life because you know where you get your happiness from. Obviously I still have quite a bit to ingrain into my deep psyche to understand, but my main question is how can I raise my own fulfillment? @Leo Gura Is the method you suggested literally the "Do Nothing" technique? I want a simple way that I can raise this. Besides, by the time I manage to reap the fruit, I'll be suffering all the way. I think it could be better to address more short term solutions (while building the long term foundational).

When I get the flow of the reading it feels great and I'm just soaking in more and more, but then I always hit a point when I'm thinking to highlight since I haven't highlighted in a while or to highlight something profound that just caught my attention. The thing is that even getting stuck on just the profound this will draw my attention to contemplate it and distract me from soaking in the rest of the paragraph to get the overall sense of what it's trying to say. So should I keep myself from impulsively highlighting now and keep the flow and at the the end to highlight?

@Rinne Dude please stop with this. This is not even true. It's like saying to someone who's experiencing bad social anxiety to do massive exposure. Massive exposure is good for dissolving social anxiety but can harm you if your social anxiety is severe. Likewise, for me it's harder because I'm frocking ocd about reading. This has nothing to do with being a bitch.

@Leo Gura I'm reading "The Way Of The Superior Man" and the whole part talking about women is quite irrelevant as I am not really seeking a relationship (I came to understand attraction because I want to become a better man and have sex). I don't think a lot of what is said is relevant now to the moment for me, but I think it can give me a foundational understanding right now about the roles of masculinity and femininity so that it will help me later down the road (not that far future). So when I underlying I mostly find it insightful intellectual wise

Yesterday in the afternoon me and a couple of people went to the amusement park (we were 3 guys and 6 girls) which was quite nice. The purpose of that was so that me and my friend (or both) can practice our social skills and getting out there socializing. So basically I wasn't really happy all the time there and it was very hard for me to lead. It was like this one girl (I'll name her O) was leading the group, and she was also younger than all of us in like a year or two. It felt a bit shitty but alright. So now the night came and we decided to order pizza when we came back to the city, we met at the other friend's house, and things started taking a shift there. It was all nice and everything and we later went to the basement to have some fun and play games and shit. But then I felt really drained, like it just hit me. I was really frustrated that my friend (not the one that invited us to his house) was just killing it with O (they were playing billiard meanwhile). I felt so behind and I really envied his success. This is my better friend, the one with whom I talk about intimate topics like relationships and friendships kinda stuff. He didn't even read or watch anything about relationships. This guy was acting like such a man. He really made her laugh, he was acting quite dominant towards her, he was able to change moods to be also more serious and real, emotional. The reason it annoys me is because I just secretly feel I should have been better off: I am learning about this (watching videos and Leo's videos) I practice meditation (to ease my mind and connect more with my emotional side) I do exercise I am passionate about developing myself And without bragging, I'm quite attractive and muscular (I've been tolled that as well). So around that time I was just very tired already, and one of the girls just decided we should play an intimate game that we all sit in a circle and ask intimate questions. Now the weirdness is at its start and it will peak in the end. They asked "when was the last time you cried" and bro, the people seemed to be able to let go quite easily and get in touch with there feelings. How? How the fuck are they able to do it?? I swear to god I was super uncomfortable and very annoyed. THEY DON'T EVEN GO THROUGH THE HARD MEDITATION WORK THAT I PUT IN! Man how did this meditation help me? I felt dense, and super frustrated and dead inside that I can't let go my true feelings with other people. I don't care if they are 'less conscious' than me. They obviously seem to be doing much better. You might say 'but deep deep down they are suffering'. Dude, like, they might be having their own problems but they are just surprisingly better than me at being more open, letting go, mindful and they even don't put in the effort I put. Oh and also I said one thing and they all tolled me "how cute" after I said that I teared a bit from the beauty of nature. I felt like such a beta and worse. After this frustrating game, things took a very weird turn. They were starting to talk about kinkies and sexual stuff (we didn't even drink). It got to the point of all us taking this BDSM (shows you how much percent you are submissive, dominant, vanilla, slave and more in bed) test and Rice test (shows you how "pure" your mind is). I felt like such an innocent person and such a beta, low value person. Very bad feeling. The girls were sometimes laughing and even my friend a bit that I asked some questions that I didn't understand their meaning in such a blatant way and they seemed to laugh that I'm "innocent". After I finished those tests it was just so fucking weird to share results. At that time we were all out in the park already (the only boys are me and my friend, and he was far from us resting on a swing) and 2 of the girls were comparing answers with me and it was uncomfortable so I said to go to my friend so that I feel more comfortable that there's also a guy. On the way back home we went me, my friend and O. I purposely took the wrong turn and continued with them until my friend's house and then turned back to my house. I did this just so I could go just a little further out my comfort zone. They were quite killing it together and it was hard for me to feel included. Anyways, I came back very shitty back home, feel very beta and I'm really pissed off and frustrated from this fucking life. Putting all this FUCKING HARD WORK. Know one even cares as much as I do about self actualizing and those topics. I can't stand those people. I always seem to be behind everyone. Always. Once in my lifetime I want to feel like I'm the master of life with all the experience.

@Eph75 Alright man, back to the main topic - thanks for providing the value. I'll make sure to go over it again just before I leave to the next party/meeting I'll have

@Eph75 Man... Oh shit. This is not good. You're literally taking a gamble of whether you get out of it or not. That's scary not gonna lie. I can meditate my way until I reach the Truth but if I can't handle the suffering then I'm good as gone. I really don't want to get to that, but at the same time I have a feeling I might get to a suicidal point with this work (even if now I'm all calm, actually still in the 'high' of the cycle of life). Leo said in the video about the dark side-effect of meditation that you will have suicidal thoughts, for just a normal person, not talking about someone with mental illnesses like anxiety and depression disorders.

@mandyjw I am drawn to that book and it's pretty interesting. The problem is that I can't enjoy it because I'm focused on analyzing it and get ocd from what to highlight and get stuck on some new understanding that catches my attention. All this book analysis really cuts the flow of soaking in the information and understanding it. It's like reading a paragraph word by word, focusing on the meaning of each word, rather than reading a paragraph as a paragraph and focusing on the meaning/message of the entire paragraph. But then I get neurotic and try not to go too far reading if it's been a while since I underlined something. I've read the first part of the book (about what it means to be a man) and it almost feels wrong not to write about what I've learned. Yet since it's short term memory I don't remember on the spot everything I've read. Maybe I remember 1-3 things now out of like 10 or so.

@Gabith What's the problem with all of those? You'll need to feel frustration to grow, desire is a part of life and what moves you, I'm sure a girl will want you if you follow your purpose (or the things you really love). If you go for self-love you'll love others in a 'giving' manner, meaning you are complete and full because you're following your path, and so you'll share your love, without expecting something in return, because it feels good for you. It feels good to give and love, because you're giving from yourself to others, an expression of yourself. In this state you're grounded in yourself and adding value because you want. In the state of being a Nice Guy you are loving in a 'taking' manner, deficiency-driven. You are trying to leach value off of others. And even when you think you're loving, you're doing it only to get something from the other person like security, get validated, attention... THIS is what repels. I have a similar issue, mostly that I won't have friends for the rest of my life. Practice being in solitude and enjoy the aloneness, feeling into your nature without others with you to fill in a deficiency need of yours. It will surely be painful, but once you learn to love being with yourself you won't have this worry about having a girlfriend. It will turn from a need into a want, since you're good either way

@Eph75 Yeah this is pretty much what happens to me. I'm very good at catching myself getting lost, and as an instinct I tap out of it quickly (pushing it away quick) and sometimes I manage to catch and yet still let it be. Eventually the movement from thought to what's real around me is just something new catching my attention. Wait what? ? What do you mean? You confused me I'm really sorry to hear that. Man for some reason this is making me laugh a little ? What do you mean "or simply breaking down"? ? It's quite a big chance we're taking here, aren't we? Let's just gamble - we break free or we break down. Ok sorry for this rant, it's not funny. So if you amp the suffering then I guess you'll get more serious about meditation and you can potentially purify yourself more. It's like adding a heavy wait to your gym exercise - you either hurt yourself or you become stronger. It's how you use this suffering, isn't it? Honestly I haven't really felt suffering in a very long time. Maybe the last thing was my original topic for this thread (which isn't so huge compared to what I had to deal with before I even got on this forum, or just when I got here like half a year ago). I don't know if this is necessarily a good thing. I might be also trying to escape it. Thing is that I'm starting my camp in less than a month and I get really nervous each time they send a message in the group, reminding me of the fact that soon I'll live with those people 24/7 and come back home once in 2 weeks, for 6 months. I might really break down and I hope I'll be able to handle it. That's why I was getting kinda serious for doing meditation and consciousness work in this summer break.

I believe this is the end goal, after you transcend all of your purposes that you discover on your journey. It's the last thing that's left. I believe that to get there you need to keep following your heart. Oh shit, lol. Lmao I just gave myself an insight as well

@Flowerfaeiry I don't quite understand this, could you explain? I'm actually busy reading the book "The Way Of The Superior Man". Isn't it more masculine to be the one initiating the plans? A man could be focused on his mission, but when he decides to spend time with his woman then his expression of love and freedom are more powerful and his presence is strengthened, and from that state the man (which is more masculine obviously) should take the lead. Help me understand please

@Eph75 So I was doing my morning "Do Nothing" meditation for 45 minutes and in the process I was at a dilemma: I was having thoughts but they were kind of bothering. So the dilemma was: "Should I keep going with the thought stories, let it be and not try to control my attention? (meaning, if my attention is drawn to thinking mode, should I go with it?) Or should I wake back up into reality and have my attention flow when I'm fully awake and not in my head?" Sometimes I was going with it, accepting myself drowning in the thought stories, and sometimes I was deliberately pushing the thoughts away and trying to get into the zone of the "void" (the state where I connect to the origin of my attention, like the "free choice" state, without trying to control my thoughts. I might have gotten a bit neurotic trying to get into this state of void. It felt like I was trying to get myself into the state of surrendering, while at the same time trying to surrender to the effort I put into trying to surrender. How long have you been doing this work?

I miss it so much? Nah lol, but for real isn't there something beautiful about sufferings, simply because it's a feature of life? Suffering is part of the journey and the thing that literally helped course correct you into being the person that you are today

Basically I feel a bit dizzy, a bit light, calm. Felt like an intense "do nothing" meditation + being grounded in deep rest. I got some insights I've wrote about, quite an epic experience. But I'm a bit scared that I might get some unexpected side-effects. Hopefully they won't embarrass me or fuck me up lol

I haven't done Shamanic Breathing in a long time and the frustration finally got to me and I'm tired of postponing it all the time for a perfect setting. I have finally decided to do today, in fact I am planning on doing it after I write this, so I need quick advice whether it's ok or could really harm me. I just finished practicing sprints (I'm after the shower) and my lungs are quite exhausted (I still have energy, they're just a little bigger now), and I'm also quite light-headed. Unfortunately my mother came back home so that will make it very hard and I might try to suppress myself and worry what if she walks in on me or hears my deep breaths from the other side (I'm also with my eyes closed and listening to a guiding youtube video so I won't hear really my surroundings. Please, should I do it? My thought at the start was "fuck it. I'll do it. I'm young, let me build experience. Worse case, I'll fuck myself and learn." But now the fatigue started to get to me, feeling a bit dizzy and lightheaded from the run (might almost faint in the Shamanic Breathing), and I feel some anger and hate rising in me because of my mother being in the house (but she's going to bed soon, but hopefully my father doesn't come surprisingly home). Ok, what do you think? The sooner the better, please

Well it might have been stupid but I eventually did it lol ? I wrote about it here:

Alright, I just finished my second ever Shamanic Breathing. So the setting was similar as last time: AC on 24 degrees, lying in my bed and it was for 15 minutes (started around 22:30). So I want to start off by saying that this was a very odd time to do this: I just finished practicing sprints (and had a shower before I started obviously) but my lungs were still quite exhausted and I felt lightheaded and dizzy, even in the shower I felt I could fall down but was holding onto the wall. Also, unfortunately my mother came in and I was very frustrated and mad. I was worried it will really handicap my session (what if she walks in, what if she hears me). She's generally very ignorant and I don't want to deal with her stupidity, sorry. I was also quite nervous for what if my father comes home and unexpectedly walks in on me, after all I can't see and hear my surroundings. Anyways, into the session: I put the timer for 15 minutes and started the YouTube video for Shamanic drumming. Honestly, I felt quite awake this time, didn't feel as intense as the last one. My hands weren't really paralyzed, and I felt like I could move my body with more ease than last time. I checked to see how much time I have left on the timer twice - one time it showed about 7:30 and the second time showed 2:30 (on the first session I didn't check the time once, but maybe because this session I was more nervous and wanted to get it done). Oh, and I've also got a little sleepy so I skipped some breathes without noticing. But I want to talk about some amazing things I've experienced this time. It basically felt like how it feels after a good "Do Nothing" meditation + more grounded + deeper rest. When I'm listening to the drums I'm getting into a deeper state of surrendering. Man, like I felt almost like a baby. I was letting go and letting myself experience what is true for me to experience (that's how it felt), and connecting to the physical reality around me. But this deep rest, oh yeah. I was looking up at my ceiling (and other objects were in my perception, some more blurry than others) and it was easier to surrender to it, meaning, fully being with it, as if it is the only thing there is (in my perception), so it was easier to be with it. But seriously, the grounding was also very amazing. I felt I'm being after I opened my eyes, being a baby lol (well, maybe close to it, feeling-wise). My head felt very clear and refreshed, not needing to repress any thought or feeling. While I was doing it I felt worry at one time because I was worried that my mother might open the door or something. I opened my eyes for this moment and I felt the worry, really, it was actually quite enjoyable, for this moment at least. I allowed myself to feel it, like a little child feeling worry, it feels more normal and not much repression goes on. Ok, you got the point. I wonder what will happen next to me. Perhaps what I described was a process of things surfing into my awareness like the deep surrendering, letting myself truly worry for a moment, feeling more light and clear - because I let go of some dissonance in my mind. I really want to do more of that Shamanic Breathing before I start my camp. It brings me into deep states of real calm of mind and strengthens my equanimity. What an asset! I'll make sure to do it when it's a bit safer and not do it in a dumb setting lol. But imo it was still quite worth it.

@The0Self What could be the alternative then?

At what age would you suggest to start taking psychedelics?

@Eph75 How does that make any sense lol. Do you mean to meditate for the sake of meditation rather than for the output? (Doing the practice > results?) The word "repression" came up to mind when reading this. Perhaps after all my mind isn't all powerful enough to let thoughts go without using some kind of control or monitoring. It's more like, the mind just wants to think and so I try not to suppress it. This can happen sometimes after the "Do Nothing" meditation. The point of it is to accept your monkey mind and that includes accepting getting lost in thought stories

How do you extract value? Simply fucking enjoy it. Don't try to look for value to extract. Not everything needs to do with self improvement/actualization. Follow what you really want in your heart. If you want to watch that movie or read that book then read it. Allow yourself without trying to leech something from it. Give yourself to it. This is perhaps the more "spiritual" thing. Letting go of that need to get self help advice will let you immerse more in the story, and the value you're getting, in a sense, is letting yourself enjoy. You're freeing your mind from this belief things need to serve you. Flow with the immersion. If it's hard for you I would highly recommend the "Do Nothing" meditation technique. It surely helped me let go more. Wish you all the best.