Hanna Luna

I want to briefly illustrate just how extreme the degree of suffering can get: - physical torture (a psycho shoving a drill down your pupil, ripping your nails off, crushing every bone, burning you slowly) and doing this while keeping you very much awake with the use of adrenaline and other means. - mental/psychological torture of all kinds Just typing the above has made me too drained to go further into detail on the degree to which one could experience suffering. For further context, I bring this up because I often think about my fear as a woman and as a human being-- of being raped, of getting kidnapped, of being physically tortured (add to that having low pain tolerance). Recently, I've been having nightmares where I literally experienced a crazy man pulling my nails off my fingers. I remember it hurting terribly, but the memory of just how bad the pain was faded incredibly fast. Additionally, this dream was one of the most vivid ones I've ever experienced and it's what caused these fears of mine to really surface to the degree that I've been feeling down recently. I also realize that the only way to feel better as it pertains to the idea of this happening to me, others, or the fact that source/God/universe allows these acts to be played out, on even the most innocent human beings on the planet (babies/children) is to see more good in it than I see the bad. I really look forward to seeing what you all have to say about this. I also openly welcome advice, if you have any to give.

To anyone who's familiar with Abraham Hicks teachings, I'd love to hear what your thoughts on said teachings. Do you agree with them? Have you applied them in your own life? Has your time/energy doing so been fruitful? As for Bashar (who's channeled through Darryl Anka), some of you may not be as familiar with, but the message he most frequently seems to advocate is to follow your highest excitement which one could argue is much the same as what Abraham Hicks advocates for, which is to follow your joy. I think they may be saying the same things but in different ways.

When you define their material as much higher in quality, what do you mean? What makes it of higher quality?

But would it be? Absolute truth is what is, here and now. So, wouldn't the matrix while one finds themself in it, be absolute truth? Not as a concept, but what's being experienced directly (within the Matrix).

I wouldn't be so sure. Apparently, mice and humans would rather shock themselves with a taser than experience boredom. Source: My memory of something I heard/read somewhere so take that with a grain of salt

X.X

Unless, you can focus on/train yourself to see mostly the positive behind every negative thing in which case, you'd essentially be blocking out the negative. But, then wouldn't that be classified as delusional to some degree? That's what concerns me. Buying into a version of reality that's mostly positive, ignoring the negative aspects, and being blindsided because I chose to avoid the parts of reality I dislike.

They also say that free will is ours, and always has been and that God/source would have it no other way nor would it want to if given the choice. However, free will doesn't really exist to he/she who is below a certain level of consciousness. You need awareness to make sound decisions because without a certain amount of it, any decision made would come from a highly egoic, narcissistic, and childish perspective said individual is experiencing. Said individual would be at the mercy of their negative/destructive beliefs about themselves and the world around them, they'd have an incredibly narrow perspective that excludes that which exists beyond said negative/destructive beliefs which one could define as that which simply is/that which is true.

Yes, but the difference is that the characters aren't real. They aren't sentient beings, actually being killed. Therein lies the difference. I'd allow characters in a game to be brutally murdered via assault rifles or others, and be totally fine with it because they aren't sentient beings, it's just code and pixels on a screen.

Those are positives though. However, without negativity, the 'positives' that I'm identifying as such might just be neutral.

Holy fuck. Screw that.

Yeah, that's tough. I'm not sure how, as all I've ever known is that reality.

I think the reason people fear the infinite is simply that they project onto it the idea of suffering forever, and ever. As well as the possibility of doing so.

Wow, fuck that God. No, but in all seriousness. I really don't like the fact that the universe doesn't operate on morality. I understand that would cause it to limit itself, but I'd prefer that over the contrary.

Yes, but when I think about the fact that I live in a world where all of these horrific things can/do happen to people it starts to make me feel like a fish swimming in poisonous water.

If God is all that is, wouldn't that make him relevant as it pertains to every subject?

This is how I view 'infinite love'/God/the Universe right now. The idea that 'infinite love' could love so unconditionally and be so brutally curious to the degree that they'd be okay with being harmed in every way imaginable and experience every gruesome second of it as a human being/animal is horrifying to me. This might be elementary thinking, but I'd hope to have some control over what my ego/finite/human self experiences rather than it being at the whim of a God/Universe/Infinite mind so insane it'd be willing to subject living creatures to so much pain.

I feel as though I have to believe we have SOME control over what we think, or at least over our level of awareness of the thoughts/impulses/cravings that come to mind. Is our level/state of consciousness an independent factor, or is it yet another aspect of all that falls under a lack of free will? Would raising your level of consciousness/awareness affect the degree to which you may have some percentage of free will? I struggle to see the point of "working toward self-discipline" or planning the development of any sort of disciplinary practice ie. yoga, meditation, etc. if things are simply meant to work out however they may. Do I sit on the sidelines and watch my life unfold before me? To say that free will doesn't exist is to admit to being a puppet in the world we live in. Everything has, is, and will be decided for us. How we feel, how we think, what we do, how we react, where we go, the rate at which we do things... LIKE WHAT? How could I have been so clueless as to believe I had any control over everything that's happened in my life up until this point if every sense of control I had was merely an illusion? How could I have bought into something so fundamentally wrong, but natural? I just don't get it.

@Someone here

I'd like to understand why we speak on this topic, to begin with. If we have no free will, okay, we have no free will. Why even discuss it? Why talk about it? It's like stating the sky is blue... There isn't anything that can be done to change that, therefore, why bring that up? In the case of discussing free will and its existence, I believe all it behaves as is a waste of time, but maybe that's just my ego trying to keep from coming in contact with death. I kind of wish I could un-know that free will doesn't exist because now I'm just being mind-fucked and I'm struggling to think about anything other than this fact or possibility.

Recently, I've been doing a lot of spiritual investigation through deep contemplation, research, listening to other people's experiences and descriptions of reality 'beyond the illusion'. What I've sensed is that when I combine the sexy guru with crazy, but truthful descriptions of what reality really is, a brew of insecurity and deep longing for understanding and validation rises within my body (my sense of self). I feel like that 12-year-old girl on Facebook fooling herself into thinking that she had an online, long-distance relationship with Justin Bieber (which was obviously not really him, but I wanted so badly to believe it was) because I was SO desperate for validation, and sexual intimacy at SUCH a young age, for whatever reason. To me, this fake online relationship gave me a sense that I was worthy of sex, intimacy, love, compassion, attraction, connection, and belonging. I craved (crave) validation from those I look up to highly and those people whose traits I strongly admire whether physical or non-physical (intellect, skills, status, sense of humor, charisma, confidence etc.) What qualities do these people have that I so desperately want to have myself? Confidence. Why do you want to be confident? Because where there's confidence there's a sense of control and power over one's circumstances. Why do you want that? Because control and power = ability to attract other attractive men who I believe are what I need to feel whole and validated and accepted and loved and wanted. Why do you want to attract men? Because growing up, it felt like such an impossibility, something I would never attain, something that wasn't for me, something only to be indulged through imagination because I didn't think of myself as attractive or worthy of being attracted to, I felt worthless and ugly. Why did you feel worthless and ugly? Because society and my family treated me poorly and judged me for my physical appearance/weight. They often reminded me of how I should eat less, eat better, exercise. They reminded me I wasn't enough. They filled me with the belief that I'm only as valuable or as worthy as the value I provide others. When I was younger, that value was giving others a sense of control through surrendering to their orders and doing as they pleased, doing what they were happy seeing me do. I thought my only purpose was to serve others and to do so through manipulating my desires to align with what they wanted from me. I still believe this to be what gives me worth/value. Of course, society only deems you as worthy as what you can do for it because of the level of consciousness it's at. When I was younger, having been a native Spanish speaker, my ability to articulate myself in English wasn't great and because I spoke two different languages and attempted to utilize/learn about both simultaneously, it made developing a level of expertise in either language more difficult. I didn't like the feeling of inadequacy I derived from my inability to properly articulate myself or speak English (what I believed to be the superior language) with a Hispanic accent. I found this wasn't admirable or a sign of competence/intelligence so I was very hard on myself whenever anyone would point out flaws within this category in myself ie. pointing out my accent or not understanding what I was saying. I worked very hard to develop my vocabulary, and notice that I still beat myself up for not having the largest vocabulary or when I stumble on my words (a sign of incompetence which I believe to be dangerous for whatever reason). I pride myself heavily on my intellect, knowledge, and my ability to come off that way around others. Like Connor Murphy, I've built my identity around this, the way he had around his body. If you take this away from me, from my perspective, I'm worthless. I feel I'm only as valuable as the ideas/solutions I provide myself and others. I know that isn't fair, and I know that isn't true Self-Love. How do I go about solving these deep-rooted issues and insecurities? Through acceptance? Through letting go? To what degree? You need an identity to function in society, right? Is pride and the idea of further developing the parts of your identity to which you're attached not what pushes you forward in self-actualization and spiritual development? Without a yearning, why do it at all? Without a sense of worth or purpose, how is one meant to feel any desire to change one's self? I fear that if I break my ego down or "let go" of the things I pride myself on, I'll no longer have the ability to function in society cause I'll either have a psychotic break or enter a level of depression I won't be able to crawl my way out of. Context: 21-year old INTP female Goal: To love myself and others unconditionally, and break free from false beliefs to embrace life, both the good and the bad without resisting it (as a result of my past trauma, false beliefs, false ideologies, etc.). The only way I've found this to be possible is to identify my past trauma and work through it via psychotherapy, talk-therapy, so I guess I'm looking for some external guidance/support/context on my problems. This post may or may not be taken down, but I'd like to state that any insight on the matter would be of great value, regardless. Thank you.

@Nahm What a thoughtful, loving response. I'm not where he is emotionally, but I've often been there, and your words would have been JUST what I needed at that moment. Thank you for taking the time to write this out. Your love, and selflessness is beautiful.

@joshuahuebner You guys seem so brave in my eyes. I feel I'm so far from ready to experience psychedelics, simply because I know the abnormality and loss of control would probably scare the living fuck out of me. What was your first experience with psychedelics like?

@knakoo What did you feel while listening to the binaural beats you linked above? Did you feel/think anything in particular? Did this happen while you were listening to it, or afterward, or both?

I've been watching Leo's videos pretty religiously over the past month, and I've found myself in some dark places emotionally due to the complete lack of true understanding that comes with watching his videos without really KNOWING what he's talking about (having never experienced enlightenment, psychedelics or other). Anyway, I've been doing a lot of self-inquiry, so much questioning, meditation, and through this process (inspired by the wisdom Leo provides through his videos) I've come to experience higher levels of consciousness, but with it, I've experienced varying levels of ego backlash. I find that I'm constantly questioning my every thought, move, and idea. Sometimes I relish the idea that life just IS and I take in all its beauty. A few hours or moments later I may find myself having some sort of existential crisis. Is this normal? I feel as though I'm shifting between varying levels of consciousness throughout the day, every day, and the more of Leo's videos I watch/listen to, the more these varying levels of consciousness persist. I want a perspective other than that of my own on the matter. I'm so fucking lost, and when my state of consciousness drops, my productivity and sense of purpose go with it until the next morning or until my next minor epiphany/shift in perspective. For context: I'm an INTP female, 21 years old, and trying to discover the truth, though I find I may not REALLY want to know what that is. All thoughts on the above are welcome! I'm looking for perspective, even if all that'll lead to is more mind-fuckery and confusion. Thank you.