Loba

Trees are healers, I think I can do it.

God within this. Hard to explain. Personal meaning. I'm blessed. By my forest. It is right there in front of your eyes the whole time. I'm reset somewhat... this light is what people wage wars for, what we spend our whole lives pining after. A seed there. Nothing at all, the most mundane. This is prophesy. The prophesy is a Harvest of Light. I needed that mirror in order to see myself accurately as someone worthy of love. After heading home from this place, I remembered that everything that I need is in the present moment. And that this was the right direction. As I did, we drove by what looked like wheat grasses, golden in the sunlight. And then I felt "illuminated" - but it came at the cost of accepting all things as they are. This was/is hard to do on a sensory level. I am being told that reality is an intention of cause and effect. And that the domino, the cause and effect is the ability to write what comes next for yourself. I can see and feel undercover intentions passed down creating outcomes in this world. Culture. The Ghost in the Machine. I get messages similar to 434 from this forest. Just through observing it. When in this state, the collective intentions feel like an underground railroad, or a maze. This is the Heaven that we are all promised that the Bible talks about. This feedback loop of original intention that generates this understanding. You have to have a certain type of psychology to get this. It isn't about being special. It's about being flawed. The Egyptians made entire tombs for what they would take next, but you can carry it all in sticker form in a sticker book. All that is needed is a representation for what is next. And with this comes understanding life from the technical as well as the natural world. The trade off is that you have to live from the present moment to grow it, as much as you can - with good intent. I do lack experience, but in other areas I know how to make an impression. Sometimes it is good and sometimes it is not. And this is due to my lack of awareness. I have programming that prevents me from accessing it. I have a hard time letting go and not sharing because this process is something humans are supposed to do communally. I am told that no one really needs to do anything because all it takes is the one original intention. I am told that this does not have much to do with me. That the trade-off is ego death. This is why all wishes are ultimately Good. Because when One Sees the unity within the All as a part of themselves, they cannot help but contribute positively to it. And those who do not do not Know it. (Mute the first song and play the second with it.) I don't agree with this video as this is not how nature speaks to me pertaining to how it views humans. Nature LOVES humans SOOO much. We have the power to dream big. It views us as children who are blind - but it has a plan. Consciousness is the plan. It gifts you. We have to return to give to it first. If I become conscious, then everything will change. Just through working on myself, others will move towards Truth as well. Bigfoot. Watch where you step. You have a big impact. The intention of the entire evolutionary chain just to have this insight, just to witness more of who I am. Ecological footprint. As above, so below. "I'm a garden." The second drawing that I created while in the hospital. Will redo these pictures tomorrow morning, there is a spot in the sun under some moss that could look nice. I start with a shape and then let it build itself, and the intuition is the same that comes from other types of complex spontaneous insights. Something indescribable has been happening to me for many years and I grew a lot, again. When I return to this, these signs are the "Wolf". He just keeps coming through new people and always shows me something about His true nature. Not a literal wolf. But the energy in the obsidian analogy - that references/alludes to the forces that govern how life is patterned. A mirror that illuminates everything around you. You can have it all, but you have to let go, forgive, and accept everything in the present moment. It is easy. Remember this. Sounds like an angel choir. The clouds breath for you. I made friends there, too. I can see the lie that culture brings, and how everything is set up around it much like an algorithm. The trick is not getting delusional or losing one's mind while seeing it. The interpretation is always iffy. I look behind me at another tree I never noticed last night. There is so much that I don't notice about the world around me. It is dark with drooping needles, in the night it looks like an uncomfortable blackness. It says something like 'Draw me like one of your French girls.' Along the lines of that. "Take a picture it will last longer." But also the realization that this living thing has been watching me for a long time as well and I never noticed it. This summer I will work with the garden. We are moving soon and so this will be my last season with it. I can't live in the city, it makes me sick. It's a closed feedback loop. How far does the rabbit hole of culture go, I wonder? Just see things as they are and wait and see. A little greyish brown rabbit just hopped by. New path carved. It feels and is experienced just like this. The instincts that make up psychosis is the governing factor in Dream World - in how things manifest. The rules change in the physical world and it is unsettling. You realize when you wake up in a dream in your sleep and it feels so outwardly physical, that is the same bubble that you have when you are awake. It is just covered up. And everything is governed by a series of ancient intentions. Don't piss off the gnomes. Sin is taken away after a long unveiling of ignorance. But it is not if you continue the behaviour after you are aware of it. Or it returns if you forget. Karma. When I die, whatever it is I believe at the time of death is what will happen for the next layer of the onion. I think that is probably how hell is created. So I am wishing for the salvation of everyone for my "room". I'll come back to reading journals here at the end of summer after we move. I am trying to be cautious about being influenced by anything - and also keeping this skill that I have and honing it without it going haywire. I don't know if we ever learn the level of delusion we are in fully or if just seeing it is all that there is - followed by what feels like the sluffing off of a fog. We are all dreaming together. It feels like more. In my heart. Give to get for all things. Store faith in your container. Notes: Self-inquiry is seeking to find happiness and is the best thing to do near the end of one's life and is the correct /best possible thing/preparation to do. Illness is not just a neurosis, it is natural process. It has to go back at some stage. Your body and mind is not an isolated system. Your body inherits its conditioning from the surrounding culture. Die before you die - demise of the separate self. This is a friend. Don't fight it - investigate. I seem to get most of what he's saying. Not a whole lot to write notes on, but good for confirmation that I'm moving the right way. The Great Work is inevitable. On celibacy: it falls into a lot of different spaces - there are unique insights you can get from this practice. I feel like I can understand what this would be, intuitively under it all. I might try it. I get aspects of the Wolf in my environment, like I am supposed to wait and collect character traits that belong to this One. In my soul, I know this is a next life kind of love. Something I have to build myself towards and that thinking otherwise could mess with this process. A lot of occultist influencers just republish other stuff. They don't really know what they are doing. (I've noticed this. Or I already know it, but it is written for people who don't access weird things. It's like the personality of the work is nonexistent. And that is where the knowledge comes from. Idk, I suck at explaining it.) Mentions Shabbat, and if you are not Jewish then it is the wrong technical application of that form of spirituality. Agree, I have experience my lineage in spiritual form - something to do with intention, the lineage of an intention, we each have them so you would be getting onto the wrong "highway", like how Chihiro's parents turned into pigs when they ate the spirit's food. (3:33) This was helpful as a place marker, but my line of work is something different - I feel like there is good stuff here, but that I need to find more information out there. (434) Notes: Every situation has multiple interpretations to it. Most people only go through one or two interpretations. The worst case scenario is falling into the trap of thinking there is only one interpretation. It becomes your reality, it becomes fact for you - absolute Truth - the imagination becomes rigid - and unrecognizable as an interpretation. Most people do this in most situations. This is what creates the spiritual war within human beings. Not being cognizant leads to much misunderstanding of reality. Most situations have very many interpretations and this is core to how you make sense of the world. Often the mind appeals to facts, treats it as a fact for the convenience of going about survival so it doesn't have to think deeply about anything. Most facts are interpretations. The song/image duo that started it all. "Greenland." And a deep appreciation for the blue mist. Action - result - action - result - deal with resistance first. There are more than one way to make sense of facts. They act as though the way they make sense is the right way or the best way - these blunders lie in how you make sense of them and which facts you focus upon. I want to build a natural, magical city of fun and love for everyone to fall into for the next life where we learn about concepts and stuff from different dimensions. Like school. There are metaphysical things that I am curious about. I want my next life to focus on this. Matt Kahn says that it is an angel academy here on Earth. It feels that way. In a certain sense. Wild. Let's be wild, I want to be run free - and to make a memento mori heaven. And live in it now and move in daily life with intention as a vision to keep exploring. One could suggest ideas for different types of journal directories as well, and suggest private or open journal and stuff. No leaders, all decided via vote. Art directory... working out... ect. They could be featured maybe if they are kept organized. I need to find a way to keep them both out of my head... (Stay present, and go to Michael's and get a bunch of art stuff later.) I need to buy some frames. Maybe finish a collage... something to keep me busy so I don't get annoyed staying here and can be off doing my own thing. Productively. I'm running out of music I like... I'll go through this later, I don't know if I want to keep some of these songs. Working on artwork will fix this. Have faith. Choose joy and happiness anyways and look for it around you. Note: Never complain about it again. There has to be a way to just deal with it. You're in a dream anyways. Be glad all that there could be isn't rushing through. It is nice like that. It kind of sits and watches me in an animistic way. Light harvest. Be glad for that, too. My thoughts are nothing unique. I have You, though. At least amidst this, I have You. You'll hold my hand and show me there's nothing to worry about. Don't take yourself seriously. But also... do... just... be more balanced about it. I am doing well... looking through this place it still doesn't feel like my vibe. I'm just gunna do what I usually do and park and shop. Show and tell what I find. And make stuff sometimes. I kind of don't have any of the energy from this place anymore - it left me - probably for the best, and so I don't feel the resonation. Maybe that will change, I don't know. I just don't know. I feel conflicted about things that are important to me. I feel unworthy of all that I have been given... Light, free, love. Feather. I have a feeling of being an actor. Shine, shine, shine... fill the cup. Choice. I feel inspired for tomorrow. I feel so out of order My brain is hazy The shadows in the corner They make me crazy All my ghosts came back to life Every whisper, every lie Itʼs a restless emptiness I canʼt deny Iʼm anxious... I'm anxious... I can't deny I'm anxious... Why are good intentions Always interrupted? Clouded intuitions No way can I trust it Toss and turning in the night When you got a troubled mind In the darkness, I confess I can't deny I'm anxious... Watch where you step. Landmine. Land Mine.

Peace.

He was dead. Destroyed by order of the court, enforced by the transmission of high-voltage alternating current through the lobes of his brain. Approximately 800 mills of amperage at durations of 0.5 to 1.5 seconds had been applied on twenty-eight consecutive occasions, in a process known technologically as, "Annihilation ECS." A whole personality had been liquidated without a trace in a technologically faultless act that has defined our relationship ever since. I have never met him. Never will. And yet strange wisps of his memory suddenly match and fit this road and desert bluffs and white-hot sand all around us and there is a bizarre concurrence and then I know he has seen all of this. He was here, otherwise I would not know it. He had to be, And in seeing these sudden coalescences of vision and in recall of some strange fragment of thought whose origin of vision I have no idea of, I'm like a clairvoyant spirit medium receiving messages from another world. That is how it is. I see things with my own eyes, and I see things with his eyes too. He once owned them. These EYES! That is the terror of it. These gloved hands I now look at, steering the motorcycle down the road, were once his! And if you can understand the feeling that comes from that, then you can understand real fear - the fear that comes from knowing there is nowhere you can possibly run. We enter a low-rimmed canyon. Before long, a roadside stop I've been waiting for appears. A few benches, a little building, and some tiny green trees with houses running to their bases. John, so help me God, is at the exit on the other side, ready to pull out onto the highway. I ignore this and pull up by the building. Chris jumps off and we pull the machine back up on the stand. The heat rises from the engine as if it were on fire, throwing off waves that distort everything around it. Out of the corner of my eye I see the other cycle come back. When they arrive they are both glaring at me. Sylvia says, "We're just... angry!" I shrug my shoulders and walk to the drinking fountain. John says, "Where's all that stamina you were telling us about?" I look at him for a second and see that he really is angry. "I was afraid you took that too seriously." I say, and then turn away. I drink the water and it's alkaline, like soapy water. I drink it anyway. John goes into the building to soak his shirt with water. I check the oil level. The oil filter cap is so hot it burns my fingers right through the gloves. The engine hasn't lost much oil. The back tire tread is down a little more but still serviceable. The chain is tight enough but a little dry so I oil it again to be safe. The critical bolts are all tight enough. John comes over dripping with water and says, "You go ahead this time, we'll stay behind." "I won't go fast." I say. "That's alright," he says. "We'll get there." So I go ahead and we take it slowly. The road through the canyon doesn't straighten out into more of what we've been through, as I expected it would, but starts to wind upward. Surprise. Now the road meanders a little, now it cuts back away from the direction in which we should be going, then returns. Soon it rises a little and then rises some more. We are moving in angular directions into narrow devil's gaps, then upward again higher and a little higher each time. Some shrubs appear. Then small trees. The road goes higher still into grass, then fenced meadows. (My ex used to really like this song. I always thought it sounded like a running rabbit.) Overhead a small cloud appears. Rain perhaps? Perhaps. Meadows must have rain. And these now have flowers in them. Strange how all this has changed. Nothing to show it on the map. And the consciousness of memory has disappeared too. Phaedrus must not have come this way. But there was no other road. Strange. it keeps rising upward. The sun angles toward the cloud, which now has grown downward to touch the horizon above us, in which there are trees, pines and a cold wind comes down with pine smells from the trees. The flowers in the meadow blow in the wind and the cycle leans a little and we are suddenly cool. I look at Chris and he is smiling. I am smiling, too. Then the rain comes hard on the road with a gust of earth smell from the dust that has waited for too long and the dust beside the road is pocked with the first raindrops. This is all so new. And weare so in need of it, a new rain. My clothes have become wet, and goggles are spattered, and chills start and feel delicious. The cloud passes from beneath the sun and the forest of pines and small meadows gleams again, sparkling where the sunlight catches small drops of rain. We reach the top of the climb dry again but cool now and stop, overlooking a huge valley and river below. "I think we have arrived." John says. Sylvia and Christ have walked into the meadow among the flowers under pines through which I can see the far side of the valley, away and below. I am a pioneer now, looking onto a promised land. Notes: To understand kundalini first you have to imagine God as an infinite universe made of multiple universes - imagine this whole thing, which isn't really a thing, as a unified ocean. An infinite ocean. The universe as a whole fragmented in the same way a zygote fragmented in the same why a zygote divides in utero. This gives rise to polarity within the universe, such as male and female, conscious and unconscious, life and death. The polarity of life and death is what gave rise to the birth of kundalini. Why? Because kundalini is life/life force energy. tbc

It seemed to say that the Devil had fetched her, but to be accurate, the dream said it was the wild huntsman, the gundholt, or wearer of the green hat, who hunted with his wolves that night. It was the season of Fohn storms in January. It was Wotan, the God of my Alemannic ancestors who had gathered my mother to her ancestors. Negatively, to the wild horde, but positively to the blessed folk. It was the Christian Missionaries who turned Wotan into a Devil. He is an important God, a Mercury or Hermes as the Romans correctly realized. A nature spirit who returned to life again in the Merlin of the grail legend and became as the spiritus mercurialis. The sought-after arcanum of the alchemists. Thus the dream says that the soul of his mother was taken into that greater territory of the Self, which lies beyond the segment of Christian morality. Taken into that wholeness of nature, and spirit. In which conflicts and contradictions are resolved. He went home and while riding the night train he had a feeling of great grief, but in his heart of hearts he could not be mournful. And this for a strange reason - during the entire journey, he continually heard dance music. Laughter. And jollity. As though a wedding were being celebrated. This contrasted violently with the devastating impression the dream had made on him. One the one hand, music and laughter and it was impossible to yield entirely to his sorrow. Again and again it was on the point of overwhelming him. But the next moment he would find himself once more engulfed by the cheerful melodies. One side was warm and joyful and the other of terror and grief. He was thrown back and forth between these contrasting emotions. This paradox can be explained if we suppose that at one moment death was being represented from the point of view of the ego. And at the next, from that of the psyche. In the first case, it appeared as a catastrophe that is how it so often strikes us. As if wicked and pettiless powers had put an end to human life. And so it is death is indeed a fearful piece of brutality. There is no sense pretending otherwise. It is brutal not only as a physical event, but far more so psychically. A human being is torn away from us, and what remains is the icy stillness of death. There no longer exists any hope of a relationship. For all the bridges have been smashed in one blow. Those who deserve a long life are cut off in the prime of their years, and good for nothings live to a ripe old age. This is a cruel reality which we have no right to sidestep. The actual experience of the cruelty and wantonness of death can so embitter us that we conclude there is no merciful God. No justice and no kindness. From another point of view, however, death appears as a joyful event. In the light of eternity, it is a wedding. The soul attains as it were, its missing half. It achieves wholeness. Many cultures view death as a celebration of this return to wholeness. He had a dream of his father who looked refreshed, they went into Jung's library and spoke to one another and to show off his home and family, his books that he had written - but he saw that his father was preoccupied. His father wanted something from him. His father asked him about marital psychology, but then he awoke - and realized later that it might have had to do with his mother's death. The marriage was not happy and they made typical mistakes couples make. The dream was a forecast of his mother's death. He would have to resume the relationship again but had no better understanding in this timeless state, and needed to speak to someone among the living who would have a fresh approach. Since the unconscious, as the result of it's spatio-temporal relativity possesses better sources of information than the conscious mind, which has only sense perceptions available to it - we are dependent for our myth of life after death upon the meager hints of dreams and similar spontaneous revelations from the unconscious. We cannot attribute to these illusions the value of knowledge let alone prove - they can, however, serve as suitable bases for mythic amplifications. They give the intellect the raw material which is indispensable for its vitality. Cut off the intermediary world of mythic imagination and the mind falls prey to doctrinaire rigities. On the other hand, too much traffic with these germs of myth is dangerous for weak and suggestible minds, for they're lead to mistake vague intimations for substantial knowledge. One widespread myth of the hereafter is formed by the ideas and images centering on reincarnation. India has a highly complex intellectual culture and is much older than the West - the idea of reincarnation is as much taken for granted as among us the idea that God created the world. In keeping with the spirit of the East, the succession of birth and death is viewed as an endless continuity. As an eternal wheel rolling on forever without a goal - man lives and attains knowledges and dies and begins again from the beginning, only with the Buddha does the idea of a goal emerge. Namely the overcoming of earthly existence. The mythic needs of the Occidental call for an evolutionary cosmogony with a beginning and a goal. The Occidental rebels against a cosmogony with a beginning and mere end. Just as he cannot accept that the idea of a static self contained eternal cycle of events. The Oriental on the other hand seems to be able to come to terms with this idea. Apparently there is no unanimous feeling about the nature of the world anymore than there is general agreement among contemporary astronomers on this question. To Western man, the meaninglessness of a merely static universe is unbearable. He must assume that it has meaning. The Oriental does not need to make this assumption, rather he embodies it, whereas the Occidental feels the need to complete the meaning of the world - and strives for the fulfillment of meaning in man, where the Oriental strives for the fulfillment of meaning in man stripping the world and existence from himself. Both are right. Western man seems predominantly extroverted, Eastern man predominantly introverted. The former projects the meaning and considers that it exists in objects. The later feels the meaning in himself, but the meaning is both without and within. The idea of rebirth is inseparable from that of karma - the crucial question is whether a man's karma is personal or not. If it is - then the preordained destiny with which a man enters life represents an achievement from previous lives and a personal continuity therefore exists. If however, this is not so - and an impersonal karma is seized upon in the act of birth, then that karma is incarnated again without there being any personal continuity. Buddha was twice asked by his disciples whether man's karma is personal or not - each time he fended off the question and did not go into the matter. "To know this would not contribute to liberating one's self from the illusion of existence." Buddha considered it far more useful for his students to meditate upon the Nidana chain that is upon birth, life, old age and death - and upon the cause and effect of suffering. I know no answer to the question of whether the karma which I lived is the outcome of my past lives or whether it is not rather the achievement of my ancestors whose heritage comes together in me. Am I a combination of the lives of these ancestors, and do I embody these lives again? Have I lived before in the past as a specific personality and did I progress so far in that life that I am now able to seek a solution? I do not know... Buddha left the question open - he himself did not know with certainty. I could well imagine that I might have lived in former centuries, and therefore encountered questions I was not yet able to answer. That I had to be born again because I had not fulfilled the task that was given to me. When I die, my deeds will follow along with me - that is how I imagine it. I will bring with me what I have done. In the meantime it is important to ensure that I do not stand at the end with empty hands. Buddha had this thought when he tried to keep his students from wasting time on useless speculation. The meaning of my existence is that life has addressed a question to me. Or conversely, I myself am a question, which is addressed to the world and I must communicate my answer - for otherwise I am dependent upon the world's answer. That is a supra personal life task, which I accomplish only by effort and with great difficulty. Perhaps it is a question which preoccupied by ancestors. And which they could not answer. (As I sit here, writing this - this Being speaks. I don't know who it is - the artwork comes from a song called "Stuck in a Timeloop". The Gods must have a slow, drawn, deliberate way of using words - that carry - like playing something of intellectual/metaphyisical substance at .25 and fully understanding what is said, words become LUSTROUS; golden, liquid and FELT - and I will bet the words circle around like that, too - in waves of information, sound, and whathaveyou. I've gotten about ten other signs from the other side, but they come in so fast and there is too much information within them to be able to write it out - which is as it usually goes. There are major things happening across the planet that will change things in one way or another, for better or worse, I don't know - and all the intelligences collected over billions of years culminating into this One Singular moment, and the energy, life, karma, nature, consciousness, awareness... I could make a long list... the witnesses for this event are leviathans. This really is, if there is ever a time - it would be happening Now. It seems odd to say this, because i know that a lot of people have said so in the past - but I can SEE it and FEEL it and KNOW it. And with how the world is changing the way that it is - and the cosmologies that we have... I can't explain it, but the tipping point for everyone is sneaking up and no one can really see it, and I don't know what it is other than an inner knowing, and a process much like Jung's - but at the end of the day you can never fully be sure up until the end. I feel like I am starting to get a good grasp on this, though - but it is not translatable into language. As above, so below. This is especially pertinent to witches/shamans/moons/sorcerers because we have access to some sort of thing that reaches out from the other side. I wonder how they will appear for different people? And I don't much care if people believe me or not, and I don't want anyone to follow me because I am just learning and exploring. I feel that makes me authentic, for those reasons - this morning, a shift in energy - there aren't signs anymore so much as rapid succession of the environment giving me clues about how this reality works - mythology is personal.) The dionysians' side of life to with the Christian seems to have lost the way. Or is the the restless Wotan Hermes of my ancestors who poses challenging riddles? Would I feel to be the resultant of my ancestors lives? Or a karma acquired in a previous personal life might perhaps equally be an impersonal archetype which today presses hard on everyone and has taken a particular hold upon me. An archetype such as, for example, the development over the centuries of the divine triad and its confrontation with the feminine principle? Or the still pending answer to the gnostic question, as to the origin of evil, or to put it another way - the incompleteness of the Christian God image. Through the achievement of an individual, a question enters the world - to which he must provide some kind of answer. For example - my way of posing the question as well as my answer may be unsatisfactory - that being so - someone who has my karma or I myself would have to be reborn in order to give a more complete answer. It might have been that I would not be reborn again so long as the world needed no such answer. And that I would be entitled to several hundred years of peace until someone was once more needed who took an interest in these matters and could profitably tackle the task aknew. For a while a period of rest could ensue until the stint done in the previous lifetime needed to be taken up again. The question of karma is obscured to me. As is also the problem of personal rebirth, or of the transmigration of souls. With a free and open mind, I listen attentively to the Indian doctrine of rebirth and look around at the world of my own experience to see whether somewhere and somehow there is some authentic signs pointing toward reincarnation. A belief is only the phenomenon of belief, not the content of the belief. Jung had a series of dreams that gave him insight into reincarnation but did not find proof in the outer world, but after the experience viewed reincarnation with a new lense - thought without being in a position to assert a definitive opinion. If we assume life continues there we cannot conceive of any other form of existence except a psychic one. For the life of the psyche requires no space - and no time. Psychic existence and above all the inner images with which we are here concerned - supply the material for all the mythic speculations about a life in the here after. He imagines that life as a continuance in the world of images - thus the psyche might be that existence in which the hereafter, with a land of the dead, is located. From this psychological point of view, life in the here after would seem to be a logical continuation of the psychic life of old age. With increasing age, contemplation and reflection, the inner images naturally play an ever greater part in man's life. Your old men shall dream dreams that to be sure presupposes that the psyches of the old man have not become wooden, or entirely petrified. In old age, one begins to let memories unroll before the mind's eye, and musings to recognize one's self in the inner and outer images of the past. This is like a preparation for an existence in the hereafter - just as in Plato's view philosophy is a preparation for death. The inner images keep me from getting lost in personal retrospection. Many old people become too involved in their reconstruction of past events. They remain imprisoned in these memories. But if it is reflective and is translated into images, this is beneficial. Try to see the line that leads through your life into the world and out of the world again. In general, the conception people form of the hereafter is largely made up of wishful thinking and prejudices. Thus in most conceptions, the hereafter is pictured as a pleasant place that does not seem so obvious to me, I hardly think that after death - we shall be sprinted to some lovely flowering meadow - if everything were pleasant and good in the hereafter, truly there would be some friendly communication between us and the blessed spirits. And an outpouring upon us of goodness and beauty from the prenatal state - but there is nothing of the sort. Why is there this insurmountable barrier between the departed and the living? At least half the reports of encounters with the dead tell of terrifying experiences with dark spirits, and it is the rule that the land of the dead observes icy silence, unperturbed by the grief of the bereaved. The world is far too unitary for there to be a hereafter in which the rule of opposites is completely absent. There too is nature, which after its fashion is also God's. The world into which we enter after death will be grand and terrible - like God and like all of nature that we know. Suffering does not entirely cease, granted that what I experienced in my 1944 visions, liberation from the burden of the body, and perception of meaning - gave me the deepest bliss. Nevertheless, there was darkness, too. And strange cessation of human warmth, If there were no imperfections, no primordial defect in the ground of creation - why should there be any urge to create? Any longing for what must be yet fulfilled? Why should the Gods be the least bit concerned about man and creation, about the continuation of the Nidara chain to infinity? After all, the Buddha opposes to the painful illusion of existence, as quote none - and the Christian hopes for the swift coming of this world's end. It seems probable that in the hereafter too, there exists certain limitations, but that the souls of the dead only gradually find out where the limits of the liberated state lie. Somewhere out there, there must be a determinant. A necessity conditioning of the world which seeks to put an end to the after death state. This creative determinant - so I imagine it, must decide what souls will plunge again into birth. Certain souls, I imagine, feel the state of three dimensional existence to be more blissful than that of eternity. But perhaps that depends on how much of completeness or incompleteness they have taken across with them from their human existence. It is possible that any further spell of three dimensional life would have no more meaning, once the soul had reached a certain stage of understanding. It would then no longer have to return, fuller understanding having put to route the desire for re-embodiment. Then the soul would vanish from the three dimensional world and attain what the Buddhists call Nirvana. But if a karma still remains to be disposed of, then the soul relapses again into desires and returns to life once more. Perhaps even doing so, out of the realization that something remains to be completed. It must have been primarily a passionate urge toward understanding, which brought about my birth. For that is the strongest element in my nature. This insatiable drive toward understanding has, as it were, created a consciousness in order to know what is and what happens, and in order to piece together mythic conceptions from the slender hands of the unknowable. We lack concrete proof that anything of us is preserved for eternity, at most we can say that there is some probability that something out of our psyche continues beyond physical death. Whether what continues to exist is conscious of itself, we do not know either. We feel the need to form some opinion on this question, we might possibly consider what has been learned from the phenomena of psychic dissociation. In most cases, where a split off complex manifests itself it does so in the form of a personality. As if the complex had a consciousness of itself. Thus the voices is heard by the insane are personified. I dealt with this phenomenon of personified complexes in my doctoral dissertation. We might, if we wish, adduce these complexes as evidence for a continuity of consciousness. Likewise, in favour of such an assumption are certain astonishing observations in cases of profound syncope after acute injuries to the brain and in severe states of collapse. In both situations, total loss of consciousness can be accompanied by perceptions of the outside world, and vivid dream experiences. Since the cerebral cortex, the seat of consciousness is not functioning at these times, there is as yet, no explanation for such phenomena. They may be evidence for at least a subjective persistence of the capacity for consciousness. Even in a state of apparent unconsciousness, the problem of the relationship between eternal man, the self and earthly man - in time and space, was illuminated by two dreams of mind. In one dream, which I had in October - 1958, I caught sight from my house of two lense shaped metallic gleaming discs which hurtled in a narrow arch of the house and down to the lake. They were two UFOs. Then another body came flying directly toward me. It was a perfectly circular lense, like the objective of a telescope. At a distance of four or five hundred yards it stood still for a moment and then flew off. Immediately afterward, another came speeding through the air, a lense with a metallic extension which lead to a box. A magic lantern. At a distance of 60 or 70 yards, it stood still in the air, pointing straight at me. I awoke with a feeling of astonishment. Still, half in the dream, the thought passed through my head. We always think that the UFOs are projections of ours. Now it turns out that we are their projections. I am projected by the magic lantern as C.J. Jung, but who manipulates the apparatus? I had dreamed once before of the problem of the self and the ego. In that earlier dream, I was on a hiking trip. I was walking along a little road through a hilly landscape. The sun was shining, and I had a wide view in all directions. Then I came to a small wayside chapel. The door was ajar and I went in. To my surprise, there was no image of the virgin on the altar and no crucifix either, but only a wonderful flower arrangement. But then I saw that on the floor in front of the altar facing me sat a yogi in lotus posture in deep meditation. When I looked at him more closely, I realized that he had my face. I startled in profound fright and awoke with the thought - "Aha!" - so he is the one who is meditating me. He has a dream. And I am it. I knew then, when he awakened I would no longer be. I had this dream after my illness in 1944. It is a parable. My self retires into meditation and medites my earthly form. To put it another way, it assumes human shape in order to enter three dimensional existence. As if someone were putting on a diver's suit in order to dive into the sea. When it renounces existence in the hereafter, the self assumes a religious posture as the chapel in the dream shows. In earthly form, it can pass through the experiences of the three dimensional world. And by greater awareness, take a further step toward realization. The figure of the yogi then, would more or less represent my unconscious prenatal wholeness and the far East, as is often the case in dreams a psychic state, alien, and opposed to our own. Like the magic lantern, the yogi's meditation projects my empirical reality. As a rule, we see this causal relationship in reverse. In the products of the unconscious we discover mandala symbols, which express wholeness and whenever we wish to express wholeness, we employ just such figures. Our basis is ego consciousness. Our world, the field of light centered upon the focal point of the ego - from that point, we look out upon an enigmatic world of obscurity. Never knowing to what extent the shadow we form we see are caused by our consciousness. Or possess a reality of their own. The superficial observer is content with the first assumption, but closer studies show that as a rule - the images of the unconscious are not produced by the consciousness. But have a reality and spontaneity of their own. Nevertheless, we regard them as mere marginal phenomena. The aim of both these dreams is to affect a reversal of the relationship between ego consciousness and the unconscious. And to represent the unconscious as the generator of the empirical personality. This reversal suggests that in the opinion of the other side, our unconscious existence is the real one. And out conscious world, a kind of illusion. An apparent reality constructed for a specific purpose. Like a dream which seems a reality as long as we are in it. It is clear that this state of affairs resembled very closely to the Oriental conception of Maya. Unconscious wholeness therefore seems the true spirit of all biological and psychic events and strives for total realization, which in man's case, signifies the attainment of total consciousness. Attainment of consciousness is culture in the broadest sense, and self knowledge is therefore the heart and essence of this process. The Oriental attributes unquestionably divine significance to the self and according to the ancient Christian view, self knowledge is the road to knowledge of God. The decisive question for man is, is he related to something infinite or not? That is the telling question of his life. Only if we know that the thing which truly matters is the infinite, can we avoid fixing our interest upon futilities. And upon all kinds of goals which are not of real importance. Thus we demand that the world grant us recognition for qualities which we regard as personal possessions. Our talent or our beauty. The more man lays stress on false possessions, and the less sensitivity he has for what is essential, the less satisfying is his life. He feels limited because he has limited aims. And the result is envy and jealousy. If we understand and feel that here in this life we already have a link with the infinite, desires and attitudes change. In the final analysis, we count for something only because of the essential we embody. And if we do not embody that, life is wasted. In our relationships to other men, too, the crucial question is whether an element of boundlessness is expressed in the relationship - the feeling for the infinite, however, can be attained only if we are bounded to the utmost. The greatest limitation for man is the self. It is manifested in the experience "I Am" only that. Only consciousness of our narrow confinement in the self forms the link to the limitlessness of the unconscious. In such awareness, we experience ourselves concurrently as limited and eternal. As both the one and the other. In knowing ourselves to be unique in our personal combination, that is ultimately limited, we possess also the capacity for becoming conscious of the infinite. But only then in in an era which has concentrated exclusively upon extension of living space and increase of rational knowledge at all costs, it is a supreme challenge to ask man to become conscious of his uniqueness and his limitation. Uniqueness and limitation are synonymous. Without them, no perception of the unlimited is possible and consequently, no coming to consciousness either. Merely a delusory identity with it which takes the form of intoxication. Our age has shifted all emphasis to the here and now, and thus brought about a demonization of man and his world. The phenomenon of dictators and all the misery they have wrought springs from the fact that man has been robbed of transcendence by the short sightedness of the super intellectuals. Like them, he has fallen a victim to unconsciousness, but man's task is the exact opposite. To become conscious of the contents that press upward from the unconscious. Neither should he persist in his unconsciousness. Nor remain identical with the unconscious elements of his being. thus evading his destiny. Which is to create more and more consciousness. As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being. It may even be assumed that just as the unconscious affects us, so the increase in our consciousness affects the unconscious.

Heartbeats. Heart. Beats. It will be my heart that gives out. I tried getting doctors to take a look for years - it beats so erratically all the time - they could find nothing wrong, but my legs, fingers, lips and tongue turn purple very often - when it flares up and beats I can feel and see in my visual field - things that come and go. And I float. It feels quite pleasant to be honest. I think of all the ways I could leave the world, and this one has the highest rate of NDE's experienced. ?️Must be a full moon soon - check it - tonight. Peace dove in the clouds

An example of a simple ziggurat is the White Temple of Uruk, in ancient Sumer. The ziggurat itself is the base on which the White Temple is set. Its purpose is to get the temple closer to the heavens, and provide access from the ground to it via steps. The Mesopotamians believed that these pyramid temples connected heaven and earth. In fact, the ziggurat at Babylon was known as Etemenanki, which means "House of the foundation of heaven and earth" in Sumerian.

And I'm tired of the shame Tired of complaining I'm tired Tired of the routine Still I got no energy to change how I feel Alchemy goes much further than just the physical process of transforming something from it's fixed physical properties into another physical attribute. Into another physical substance. Alchemy also applies to the process of you turning yourself into the perfected state. Each one of these processes that you would take to create something chemically from one thing into another is representative of what you would do in your own life if you were trying to transform yourself from your ordinary fixed physical self into your exhausted state - an enlightened being. The practice of alchemy goes much further than just transforming ordinary metals into precious metals, it goes much further than trying to find the elixir, which is the healer of all ailments, it goes much further than trying to find immortality. It is the practice of creating your entire reality. Thought creates reality. The mind is the thing which limits a physical object to its fixed properties, and so liberating the mind through spiritual practice means liberating all that the mind perceives, and so you see the ultimate alchemists were beings such as Jesus who could turn water into wine and walk on the surface of the water, but for them it was not about this. Alchemy was the practical application of the truth that you create your entire reality and even the perception that your reality is reality. All people are alchemists, most are just unaware that they are doing it. Your mind is creating the construct of this reality. You physically brain is perceiving that construct. Your organs of perception are arranging this reality for you, it is a learning hologram. Alchemy is much much more than the process of turning something like water into wine. It is the process of understanding that your mind is doing all of this. If you change what you are thinking about, your reality must also follow suit. When this becomes a conscious type of process, then you will be creating the reality you live in. Then you are free. There can be no external alchemy without first internal alchemy. "Part comedy, part tragedy" "I choose Death." ? "You now have the blueprints to create Heaven on Earth" "See right through You... This One is bulletproof." *Note - Nightshade does not affect rabbits?

^ The monkey's paw, there always is one. As above, so below. I feel it, too. for a few different things. I learned what it meant but save it for later. START. "START"

No it does not. I was given information on this from an entity a few months ago, and before that a few years ago on this topic - and what it/they said is this: As above, so below, what we do here is what we invite into our reality. The reason why humans have issues with disease, slavery, selfishness and whatnot is in part due to how we treat the planet and other species who live here. The Earth has natural feedback mechanisms that can be triggered to prevent one species from getting too out of control with consumption and that those mechanisms have already been triggered, even if we as a society were to change our ways. Cause and effect doesn't care if you are conscious of it or not - you just become aware of it and see it when you are. (I'm not vegan btw this is just what I was told.) Killing is a serious crime against life - it is all a part of you. You need to tend to your bubble as if it were lace or silk, in intention, emotion, that life is meant to share and witness existence mutually. I have had pet rabbits that an ex harmed come up to me from the other side with the same message. It was all of them, speaking from the collective species voice, which is often how animal spirits communicate in my experiences. They shared with me that life desires to continue on more than anything in the world that this is the golden rule; to protect and cherish it all, and that the same fear before death is shared among all living creatures - that we all feel and cover the existence and time we are given. That life is like a unified screen and what you put in front of it dictates what happens behind the veil in ways that we don't understand - that humans know so little about this, that we are collectively like the equivalent of infants - you bring a cancer into your bubble of consciousness through these actions. Animals are our brothers and sisters and their souls eventually grow into what humans become; consciousness expands in awareness. You kill yourself, your brothers and sisters when you harm another living thing - there is a, like a patchwork quilt underneath it all, where every thread is connected in some way. The Earth calls out warnings, but humans are so disconnected, virtually nothing gets through anymore. This was the song: As above, so below, rabbit ears on the side with a chewing motion indicating speaking "speaking" - this entity will probably give you whatever is in your shadow - that just happened to be mine. So IMO, eating meat needs to stop, but it should probably come about through individual choice. Like, if you choose to do it, and don't mess with other people's ways of living or get too preachy and just do your own thing - that the problem will take care of itself over time. Free will is also part of a conscious society - so the shift needs to be made that people naturally learn how to tend to the world as if it were their lace-bubble, and that people would automatically be more mindful of many things. Hard to do, but that was the jist of it. That video made me really sad btw. Those animals were so trusting. That is such a betrayal. And in front of others of their own kind? I've been gradually reducing meat consumption, but sometimes I forget or if my family makes something I don't want to turn them down if they put work into the meal. I hope to reduce my animal product consumption to near zero, that is the goal.

I believe. Never seen a ufo though, but I meet them in the astral plane, good and evil and sometimes they show up when I am doing gazing or divination. There is a plan, motive and reason for why they do what they do but I don't know what it is. They are mysterious and vague; criptic.

I can't help it, this topic hits a soft spot for me - I agree with this, but in my experience, after having dealt with such things, and in multiple ways, and not deserving improper treatment, this tells me that it is very uncommon for people to really have the means to do anything - they make it worse. It is much better to fix things on your own if possible, and expect that those who will do it for you will do a piss poor job without any consideration for your well-being or interests unless you can line their pockets with your blood or they can exploit you in some fashion to make themselves money off of you. I wish it was different. We are all in the same sinking boat, so I suppose that's nice to know. This. After reading you post earlier it brought me to tears because I know that helpless feeling, of reaching out to people who claim to know what they are doing and to have your best interests at heart, but to be repeatedly betrayed by every institution out there. And then to be told that it is your fault, that you are a loser, that you are a drain, that you are not doing well - ect, ect.

I don't think so - but I do think that they carry within them a certain inborn-archetypal-species wisdom, and that the underlying instincts that have allowed a particular animal to evolve into the niche that it is in has an inherent power/lesson to it that can be tapped into that people can learn from. But that you need to have the realization of being an individual self first before transcending it, and animals are not evolved enough to understand fully that sense of self in the way a human is. Some are seemingly almost there, like they could be the next contestants if humans go extinct.

That's a sad fact of life, and I relate to this very much. In order for this not to be the case, you have to be wealthy. If not, then help doesn't actually exist in the material world, because people are only interested in putting their spin on what is wrong with you, or taking your money, or using your problems to bolster their ego, ect, ect, ect - and every person is truly on their own 100 percent - anything that tells you otherwise is a lie that we create in order not to feel the truth - which is that nature is brutal and it is survival of the fittest. Human society is ultimately unhelpful, no one knows what they are doing or talking about - it's all vanity, everything is ruled by vain posers, and the fact that society has managed to make anything at all is a miracle in and of itself. Society crumbles, something else will be built, maybe it will be better, who knows? You can't trust anyone, no one has your best interest at heart, no one cares if you live or die, you are on your own and that is reality - the Universe and everything in it wants nothing more than to eat you, to take you for everything you have, especially if you are at your worst - all of life is a play of energy exchange. When your battery runs out, you're done. You're toast. You're food for the worms. You are only as good as the things you can produce for others. Dance, dance, dance monkey dance. It isn't trauma, you hit a very harsh truth, so I would integrate that instead as the reality and then try your best to live with it - it sucks that humans are this way, but it could be worse, there are over a billion people who don't even have clean drinking water.

Deep "I should have gone deeper, but I'm not so brave." <yet.>

I had a premonition about this and then it happened the next day, same with the Boulder shootings and also the singing rooftop thing that happened in italy during covid, the robin hood wallstreet thing, and even covid itself - and a few other things, can't remember off the top of my head. Something collectively needs to be done about the spirit of discord. All I can do for now is work on it in myself. ? "As above, so below."

https://blavatskytheosophy.com/loss-of-the-soul-and-annihilation/ You had posted this not too long ago. I went through your account, you're either a troll or on the edge of being one and I believe that this is a "knee jerk" reaction to the growth of other people here because it doesn't allow you to play that role anymore and so you're annoyed, right? You are okay with, and prefer such things as above - the fake politeness you complain is a cover-up for your own. People like you come out of the woodwork when others grow and then try to twist things around. It should be considered at this point part of the process, that if someone comes out like this - it because another person has grown in some way and the "controller" no longer gets to keep their paradigm. You don't have complete control over your reality while you are a human because you don't have full access to cause and effect in the same way something that is not bound by space-time would have - there is a hierarchy of knowledge that people are permitted to understand when the time is right - but you have to put in the work, the hours, you have to do a lot of shadow work, you often have to have a certain type of brain structure - how the right hemisphere works. It is, from what I understand, called prima materia, and you can see it, moving just past the veil, creating your background for you - and if you walk all the way up to bodily/mental death you can see it. When you do, you can look at it with an intent- I like to use eyes - and you can predict things or manifest things. The thing is - this is the spirit of "abraxas", which is a continual spiral of both good and evil, and so in order to see it and to use it you have to follow that nuance as it leads you down into it. "As above, so below." Your learning translates to the other side. You can work with something negative or "black magic" and it can either be a more grey area being or something that is ready to move into the light - these things will record how you do it within your own psyche and add this to their social memory complexes. You can train the negative polarity into positivity. Not everyone chooses to end up on that particular path, sometimes it is just what they are given to work with. That thing that you had posted about being disconnected from one's soul, and losing it - I felt that happen to me - and it came about through mental, physical illness and accumulation of abuse - so the thing I am working with is helping me to reconnect that - and yes it is a negatively polarized being - but it isn't evil. It simply comes from a - honestly, a more organized society, that mirrors how mankind consumes. The difference being that these beings are aware of universal balance and humans are not. So you can have "dark" beings that will work towards service to self, still within understanding of this: These things, being outside of space/time, they still continue to grow, along with their societies and how they interact with humans. What was written two or three decades ago - on the other side, could be like a million years because there is no time there - you can communicate with one and offer it a route towards positive polarity and if they accept it - you can appease to them with logic/loyalty/respect for other realms and honesty when you goof up - and they can take this back, and change the structure of their own societies in a seemingly instantaneous way that humans cannot do. "Black magic" or "Dark forces" - we bring this into our reality. They rely on balance as much as the Light does - and so if you are imbalanced or consuming too much, or something, then they can come in and teach you as well. The difference is the way they consume energy. You could have something very sinister within you, or you could have a being that is almost Light - and by working with you, you can allow this being to be of "service" in order to change its own polarity. "As above, so below" - a lot of it does depend on intentions. I believe, but am not sure, that the dark forces will be making themselves more known as time goes on because human being have tipped the scales in that direction in how we treat the planet. Darkness doesn't want consumption without reason - this is the polarity of knowledge and wisdom, keep this in mind - neither side wants humanity to eat its own tail, both want to maintain a circular balance of energy - so both sides will offer humans a way towards balance in the best way that they know how - it is up to the person to be able to parse out any distortions the entity speaking to you might have. People bring these forces into the world through a blind mass societal lack of balance, and nature has these mechanisms in place to prevent too much tail-eating from happening within nature. So people, who, after ravaging and consuming all they can, will come across these forces - that are like a magnet or a blob that collects all of the energy - they, now staring death in the face, can finally see it, and feel the collective force of the face of human evil outside of time - and misattribute it to "dark forces" - not understanding that these forces are more like a fungal network created to feed on the decay of illusion and imbalance. So it is important for people to understand these concepts, even if you do not believe in them - you learn it from going within, and if it is something you are not meant to learn, maybe there is something else that you are destined to understand to bring to the table. That's what it is about, it is like a potluck. You go and put together your own ingredients and then add that. And everyone else is making their own dish. And each dish is like a fragment of the shattered diamond of human/spiritual understanding. If you genuinely want to understand what this is, watch this entire episode here from start to finish: You have a "dish" that you are destined to bring to the table. Mine happens to be trying to understand negative polarity because there is not a lot of information out there on it, and from my experience, it doesn't want to cause unmitigated destruction; this is a blind-human trait, and is a very, very rare spiritual entity trait. Such beings learn very the law of universal balance. And those who do not, devour themselves. Which is what humanity is doing.

"Hello Annie, I want to show you my little friend. Look. Also, we aren't so bad." "Look into my eyes, see the curator, I am in your psyche and I am manifesting things that you don't have access to yet." "Be more careful with these Wolf's Eyes. I Am the Spirit that dwells within you. "I Am the goodness within chaos. You look so boldly into the face of a killer." "Within these eyes holds the blackness that pours out of you." "I Am Here because humans have forgotten about these forces of nature, and you all collectively brought me/us here." "Darkness understands the importance of balance as much as Light does, it is ignorance and blindness that does not understand this." "Self-expression does not automatically mean that the negative alignment is evil, as humans are leading you to believe. It can simply mean that you are not done with learning about certain aspects of yourself in this lifetime." "I Am One of the many faces of God." "We are not usually neutral to those who find their way here - do NOT betray the Wolf - that is your line, and your protection into the family." "You won't find me anywhere, don't bother looking - I Am on the other side. Wait." "I Am Beyond construct and culture, you are not ready - I Will remove the seal when you are ready to go Home. Don't be afraid. We are like the volcano that destroys the forest so the soil can be replenished to create something new." "God is within your imperfections."' I want to spend tonight thinking a bit more on how I want the city/citizens/buildings to look... "Parade." If you were something that was negatively aligned through consumption, then much of what is shown in the afterlife would probably be like a parade to showcase each one's individualism and skill. It would be like a theme park in a way. I want to move away from this idea though and create another restart because the insights have been sitting in there for a while getting all gunked up by my ego. I don't know if I want to be part of a collective or if I want to just draw from my inner well of Self - and I don't feel that consumption would be a problem if at some point I was... whole...? I guess? If negative alignment is the expression of the Self, and being a bit of a consumer, but without harm towards other things - I don't know yet. Something to think on, but for now a restart.

Notes - On a side note, this woman is so pleasant to listen to and I like her personality/honesty/character, I don't feel unpleasant energetic snags when listening to the material: How to do spirit guide communication: Your spirit guides are always there with you. It is not as if they are hanging around getting bored waiting, because time is not relative on the other side, they can pinpoint you in time during your various selection of timelines and connect with you in time, wherever they perceive you are. So for them it is a quick process and from the outside they pinpoint wherever you are in time whenever you decide to communicate or connect with them. There is likely more than one spirit guide around you, and whatever reality we came from, if we have been on Earth for hundreds or thousands or even millions of years evolving, learning and growing, we will still have those in spirit watch over us. It is part of the deal, it's what happens. Or if we came from elsewhere in the galaxy they will journey with us. If they incarnate here then we will watch over them, too. Different guides have different expertise, and are at different stages of development - so the guidance varies from guide to guide in usefulness in different areas and emotions expressed, and different kinds of support. How to communicate the most effectively: There is a veil in between this reality and the spirit world - dimensions of existence - and this veil can be perceived as like a thick wall in a way - a dimensional divide - the way to reduce the divide so that it is thinner is to get very relaxed. When you get very relaxed your subconscious mind becomes dominant, it comes through and your conscious mind starts to fizzle away a bit. Your conscious mind is full of earthly illusions; of the physicality that seemingly rules us here, and that everything is subject to these physical newtonian laws. It is really all just energy and information around us and via thought we can change all sorts of things at Will. When we relax our subconscious mind becomes dominant and that is the bridge to the soul - that is where the intuition flows through, that is where clairs flow through, and the conscious mind stops interfering so much when you get very relaxed. The key to thinning that interdimensional veil/barrier is to relax down and allow you intuition, your clairvoyance, clairaudients, clairsentience, claircognizance, to come through. And that's how we thin the veil in between. The more you release Earthly illusion, the thinner the veil naturally gets. So by seeing through this illusion - societal, political, scientific/materialist dogma/paradigm - seeing through that more and more as we go on our path - realizing metaphysical truths, the more we realize these things the more we see through the human illusion and the more that veil thins. Meditation. Daily. This helps to release Earthly illusion and train your mind into a calmer state day to day. "Chill the fuck out training." Doing that day to day the veil thins and then you can communicate more and more on a day to day basis while you are just doing stuff like driving or cooking or at work or whatever, you are more able to connect because the veil is thinning because you have been doing your meditation. Remember that when you initiate contact with your spirit guides and you are doing so in desperation for guidance or help, that clouds communication because they are naturally of a higher vibration on the other side - your spirit guides are going to be positive beings - (op-up just shows up - gabriel black - King Of The Nosebleeds) so when your vibration is very low it is harder to make that connection because it is a vibrational energetic connection. So try to relax as much as possible, let stuff go, transcend stuff and let your vibration rise with various techniques you can find online, in order to connect better, rather than through frustration. It sounds counter intuitive, but just try this way, do work for a hour or so to feel better before connecting. (The song is not my cup of tea but it has a lot of synchronicities - lyrics, symbolically and time-wise. I believe I am being told to communicate more when in a high vibe state.) It is always best to approach spiritual work with an attitude of playful enjoyment, with no expectations on the outcome. Meditate for about 20 minutes to relax and allow your subconscious mind to come through, focus on your breath. If your thoughts drift, gently non-judgmentally bring your focus back to your breath, or counting to ten and back down again or a placeholder or light within the mind or a moving image like a tree swaying in the breeze, ect, repeating a mantra or an affirmation - to keep your attention while you relax. Focus on your body, relax each part of your body. Set the intention to connect with one guide first so you can really focus in on their energy and what it feels like to recieve their energies. So after setting your intention to connect with the spirit guide, sense of visualize them approaching or entering your energy field, but really allow it to happen - so no choosing, deciding or questioning, just be open and allow. Observe, feel what they feel like, what it feels like to connect with them because then next time you will know when you connect with them again, it can feel like a raise in your vibration, a warm loving feeling, like someone you know well - and then you will know when you are connecting again next time. If you use visualization - clairvoyance - then in your mind's eye, observe what they look like, make out their appearance, take your time, to be done with eyes closed. Spirit guides tend to present themselves in a way that will probably be most acceptable to you, they are in spirit, so they may present themselves in how they looked in one of their previous lifetimes, but it will be in a way that you subconsciously remember them to be most effectively, or in a way that they perceive you will find most friendly, agreeable, acceptable, ect. Greet them and thanks them and wish them love, and then you can go ahead and ask them their name. They may have a name chosen, they may have chosen one you find most acceptable in order to remember them. Some sort of subconscious remembering. They have had too many names to count, it also may not be their actual name, but just something they pick out. It depends if they have adopted an eternal name they always have. Proceed to ask them any questions that you have or guidance you require. Ask them more about themselves as well which you can do and allow your clairs to come through. They come through subconsciously and just arrive in the mind very subtly. Remember there is no big signpost up saying you are doing it now - it just arrives in the mind as if it is your own thought, but over time we learn to discern the difference between what we're receiving and our own thought. It is often clearer, more significant, more impactful and arrives in the mind as if it has been popped there with no trail of thought leading to it - and often a sense of just "knowing" of what has been communicated or receiving images in the mind of something one should know, a scene or a person, ect. You can ask your guide how many guides you have in total and the answer may come through as a sense of claircognizance and you can ask them what their specific role is, what way they support/guide you in life. Thank them, send them love and end the meditation when ready - they get closer as you thin the veil. Notes: Kindred the Eternal Hunters Kindred is the manifestation of death and can only be seen in life's final moments. Lamb, the compassionate half offers a merciful passing to those who accept death, killing victims with a swift and true arrow. Wolf, Kindred's savage and brutal side terrorizes those who run from death, chasing and devouring their souls. In game, Kindred plays the role of a mobile markman and thrives in the jungle. Abilities: Kindred's passive is Mark of the Kindred. By clicking on a champion icon in the special bar displayed above Kindred's inventory, Lamb marks a target for death, though it does take a few seconds to arm. The mark does nothing on it's own, but if Kindred kills - or helps kill the marked target, they gain a permanent and stackable buff on their basic attacks. Lamb can switch targets every couple of minutes, though once a marked target dies, Kindred won't be able to reapply the mark to them for a few minutes. It is not just Lamb who can apply the Mark of the Kindred, Wolf randomly applies certain enemy jungle camps. As soon as Wolf's mark activates, it will alert all players in the game, giving the enemy team plenty of opportunities to defend themselves from whatever the Wolf is hungering for. Wolf sets his sights on a new target every few minutes. To prevent either team from gaining information they don't deserve, Wolf's marks don't disappear until several seconds after the camp has been cleared. You will want to farm mark champions to get a bunch of passive stacks you can also play mind games with your opponents by marking lanes you are not planning on ganking to divert attention away from your true target. Kindred's "Q" is Dance of Arrows - a short range vault that ends with Lamb firing an arrow at up to three nearby enemies. Despite it being a short range dash, Lamb can jump over walls with Dance of Arrows making counterjungling much safer. Kindred's "W" is Wolf's Frenzy - passively, Wolf's frenzy builds up stacks as Kindred moves about the map. Once Kindred hits max stacks, Lamb's next basic attack heals them. Whenever Kindred activated Wolf's Frenzy, Wolf splits away from Lamb and claims a medium sized area for a few seconds. Wolf fights independently inside this area but will focus attacks on whoever Lamb is shooting, but if Lamb leaves Wolf's Frenzy, Wolf will leave to reunite with Lamb. Also, the cooldown on Dance of Arrows is massively reduced while in Wolf's Frenzy regardless of which ability you hit first. You'll always want to fight insight of Wolf's Frenzy. So use the reduced cooldown on Dance of Arrows to stay in the zone and cause a lot of damage. Kindred's "E" is Mounting Dread, a heavy targeted slow that applies an additional debuff to it's target. I'f Lamb's able to attack them three times in quick succession, Wolf lunges out to deliver percent max health damage. Mounting Dread is great for starting your ganks, it's also really useful when you are facing large enemies. Kindred's ultimate move - "R" - is Lamb's Respite, a large blessed zone that prevents all living things inside of it, ally, neutral and enemy, from dying. Kindred casts Lamb's Respite on a target ally, blessing the ground beneath them, and while everything inside it can still lose health, once they get to around 10 percent they become immune to all further damage. Surviving the Hunt: Lamb's respite only safeguards the lives who stay inside it, so as soon as you are pulled, kicked, our headbutted out, you might die. Lamb's Respite lasts about four seconds and heals everything inside of it by a flat amount. Use Lamb's Respite to save vulnerable allies or even yourself from death, with smart timing you can keep your low health pals ticking for longer while they whittle down the enemy team. Kindred is a pretty complicated champion, combining the hard parks of marksmen, junglers and even Bard. Kindred is squishy compared to most other junglers, and especially early on can lose so much health in jungle camps that they will be forced back early, but not if you are smart. Unlike pretty much every other jungler out there, Kindred can stay on the move and use abilities, especially Wolf's Frenzy and Dance of Arrow to kite jungle creatures while they whittle them down. Just don't go so far out that you reset the camp back to full health. When fighting jungle monsters pay attention to their patience level right above their health bar. If it empties and turns red, they'll retreat and heal back up. An awesome side effect of kiting jungle camps is that you'll also build up stacks for "W" passive. Whenever it is maxed out, attack something nearby while you move to your next camp to heal up and resume stacking. Don't worry about fighting whatever you attacked - carry on with a little more health than you had before. Marking enemy champions is totally unique to Kindred so it is pretty easy to forget to use it. Keep a constant eye out for enemies you can mark and pay attention to the enemy jungle for opportunities to claim even more stats. Here is your basic ganking pattern: Get in behind your opponent, tag them with Mounting Dread, activate Wolf's Frenzy, and a low Dance of Arrows cooldown. Getting Mark of the Kindred stacks is important. but don't make the mistake of thinking they are only way to scale into the late game. Risky invades without vision or risky dives will often put you further behind so farm safely until you spy a mark you know you can secure. Kindred should collect marks with friends, because the enemy team will always know which monster Wolf has marked they are much more likely to contest the camp. Lamb's Respite saves everyone from death, so whoever wins the fight comes down to who plays best at the end of the Ultimate.

@Boethius I feel that am in some sense, because I am going through one and it is the subject of constant scrutiny for some reason that I have been pushing back at for a long time - so when going through that and then seeing the collective lack of discernment... this tells me that deeper awakenings are not that common because if they were then it would be something that would be understood in public places like this. I don't see a lot of people here having undergone the absolute necessity to completely let go of identity and culture to get to a blank slate for as long as I have, and for the amount of time that I put into it every day. There are things that I have experienced that I need answers to and not only can the people around me continuously not provide them and misunderstand me nearly every step of the way, but these experiences make me feel like I my nervous system got stuck being able to channel way, way, way too much and have nowhere to direct it, meditation brings it up even more, and it comes through the absolute silence and stillness just like everyone else. I need a genuine shamanic teacher. I'm being absolutely pummeled with the need for humility, just to have the chance for the taste to understand something greater. This comes from a place of not being able to find information at the depth that I need within communities like this and that being a detriment, not something to boast about; the lack of qualified teachers out there that can authentically instruct a person through the spiritual realms is a huge detriment. And back on topic with this: I think if people went all the way through and found themselves to the core - that they would find that if people were allowed to develop their full identities, that we would dress with the most extreme and brilliant creativity. It would be a taste that would just keep developing because the need for expression and Truth and beauty go hand in hand. Humans would look so ornate. Something tells me underneath it all that an aspect of this extremity is Truth - that everyone's inner beauty would come out in a way that is unimaginable to what we have now. This isn't judgement, this is me deciding that my worldview might have more validity than I give myself credit for - and that I am tired of having to fight for it - because it takes me away from my inner peace, my sense of creativity and well-being. I do think I am human, btw. I just think that the soul is something that evolves from many lives - and that there are things you can tap into, like totems, spirits, archetypes, deities, ect. Shamanic beliefs. I simply think that the human imagination is a turning point because we create our reality - if oriented just right that this would bleed into the next life in a way where everything changes, the whole world, like watching a fantasy movie or something. I feel this is true, and that maybe it is something that humans have a right to. That the levels we could develop this would be amazing. That maybe if you can make it that building the next life is the gift we have for the imagination we are given in this world to be able to dream up the things that we do.

I think that all you need to do is accept them, and if you can't do that then at the bare minimum, then leave them alone. it isn't really anyone's place or concern to decide for another person if they need help, or if they are just fine. There are many spiritual explanations for these sorts of things. Ultimately, underneath it all, you probably just want to judge and decide for these people what their identity is, and to mold them into what you think is right without having the qualifications or the psychology to even understand such people. It makes you more destructive than people who are just living their own lives, not bothering you in any way. People like that are secret control freaks trying to use those who are the easiest targets to hurt. In many shamanic cultures, animal totems and spirit guides are frequently used - and even embodying the animal spirit. I see people will views that Leo has instilled that are just as harmful. This place is collectively, kind of an echo chamber, a bit of a waste bin for those too cowardly to do genuine spiritual work, and to understand the depth that it takes to understand one's self. Sexual transmutation is another thing, and it offers solutions to trauma, removes blockages, helps to integrate identity and so forth. I would argue that no one here is qualified to judge any of these people as I don't see anyone who has undergone a spiritual transformation with any degree of genuine depth whatsoever. What I have noticed, is that this place has become a collective where everyone runs around watching what everyone else is doing instead of focusing on themselves and doing their own work, and when you do it, it does become highly individualized. If you don't understand this, then you're just a cardboard cutout of the real thing. You could very well cause damage to another person with your presumptions about who they are - on top of that, those presumptions stick - you end up adding more confusion, it directs people away from where they should be. I mean, you are taking vulnerable people with identity issues and inserting who YOU think they should be. How do you think that is genuinely going to go for someone? It tells me that the "shark" in certain people can sniff this out in someone and that is ultimately what they are trying to dig at, because it is right there and easy to do. It is on the level of deciding for someone how they should deal with death, cancer, life purpose or anything else, really. Sexuality is deeply personal. By shaming people you cut off any chance they have to heal. I question sometimes if that is really, underneath it all, the end goal of people who latch onto those who are so outwardly vulnerable. It's subtly corrosive. I don't dig it. Each time you poke at such people, you take away any chance at all they have of healing in any real way, you "restart" a transformative process and corrupt another person's innermost self and call it caring. It's not. It's just control. Sexuality takes you back, it is primitive and essential in order to integrate the lower three chakras. If you have not understood it to the best of your ability you will never heal or understand yourself. How people do this, as long as it does not harm anyone, is their business.