Loba

If this is it - If for just one more time then this is it - then nothing is on the line. Break molds to satisfy the other sides in life. Strong holds to gather strength and always realize. We are that magic that you leave upon the floor. Cause other you's and other me's were busy dancing once before. That magic If this is it, then this is it.

@Myioko I'm glad you liked it! I like the chants/mantras that have a more raw kind of sound to them.

I love coffee so much. It is such a nice complement to have with a bowl of sativa, and then to sit down and listen to a lecture or work on art; I can really get immersed in it. I've learned so much using just these two tools when doing contemplation. It feels like I can get into my subconscious easier, that is loosens rusty gears and that my body is more in the present moment - so the awakenings and insights come from just enjoying how wonderful the body feels. Coffee helps to direct my experience as well, I don't feel like I get running thoughts or unclear messages when I have had a cup of coffee.

Don't worry about people being jealous, enjoy what you love to do and shine the best that you can. If they are, take it as a sign you are on the right track. Wish I could give you better advice than that, but trying to make people feel better about you being good at something isn't fair to you. Expression of one's self is key. Don't let yourself be limited by others.

Oooh, nice find!

???????? - ? What is this living conscious energy that expresses an endless amount of potential? Like looking up at the fingerprint of a giant, cosmic thumb slowly coming towards you; it makes up the sky and all of the stars within them. Magnetic, thick, sometimes male, sometimes female, natural, nature itself, dignity and death, answers and comfort. Sometimes a quick, karmic snap in order to make a change happen or to see myself clearly. No labels can be attributed to it, it shows up of it's own accord as some sort of Watcher within my own eyes, mirrored back to me. It is clever, genius, instinct, pure genetic potential expressed. Darker than the Light, heavier than the Light, but not evil and still created from Love, still illuminated like Love, but it is the complexity of actions and philosophies I do not have mental access to. I am not clever enough to understand it in full. I accept this. I had forgotten not to attribute it to the image that it gave me, and I did... so I could no longer See it, thus the karma between it and me. Honesty works. I told it frankly, where I am at, for the psychology that I am blessed and cursed with in this lifetime, and that I need more lives to really understand. That I signed the paper, so to speak, but my attention waxes and wanes. There are other puzzle pieces to put together and I can't focus on the Goddess to this extent forever. I need a pleasant lifetime to follow it. I just want to observe it in nature for this upcoming life, and then maybe in ones to come I can learn about the philosophy behind what Kali is. The name for you will be different, or there will be none at all, but I will find ways to love You in all your forms. You guide my soul from now on, from one life to the next as I take on aspects of your nature and embody it - you become a part of this world in physical form. I become darker and darker throughout my lifetimes. I am asking a lot to start out with, so that I may become what it takes to be one of your devotees. You are the twilight just before the setting sun. I will be a Goddess one day, I don't know when. Only now do I know the potential for it, and how to go about it with intention. I hear angels. Waking up from a psychosis is like having an old personality sluff off. A confusing one. My memory is terrible, this doesn't help with learning a new way of being. Makes things difficult. I think Kali is in individuation as well, thus why she seems so elusive and far away most of the time; and with the angry mother that raised me, and my weaker father, she is like my shadow parts, too. I used to be very afraid of the movie "The Ring" and it gave me night terrors and phobias for a many years as a teen. She reflects this nightmare that I used to live in as well. At odd times in life I can point to something, and it all lines up, and I can see her, or sometimes him - 'that' is Kali. That which is beyond time itself. It holds the answer to expanded consciousness, so I always feel compelled to follow it. Automatic writing with some inspirational music usually does the trick. Sometimes it feels as though I just 'know' things about the universe. I can make a wish come true. I can change the direction of my soul and create my next life just through desire alone. I can communicate with beings. I hear angels, and ancestors and I can feel souls... I draw. There are a lot of good things here to grow for this lifetime. I worked hard for what I have. This is key. And yet, aspects of my life leave me very disadvantaged. This is the problem with being a savant. The imbalance is never seen. We are shows for others and this becomes a way of life... to perform. I need this so bad. With my heart and soul, I need a good guide to help me expand my consciousness. There is something just beyond the veil and I know it will blow me away but I'm just not quite there yet... I need to dip a toe in the water over the course of many lives. Slow and steady wins the race. ????? ? Yeah I'm going up tonight like I should know better Faded focused on your eyes, know I'm a go-getter Know it’s colder on my side, we let the road wet up Nights in a row get up, you know I know pressure Came up dripping gold metal God is, God is falling like rose petals God is, going crazy we won’t settle God is, God is falling like rose petals (rose petals) Count your blessings.

A night light might help.

I am 33 and a few new things are happening, and might be life changing, I will have to wait a few years to see.

I'm okay with people thinking my siddhi is dishonest, as long as they don't ask me for proof when I'm busy with my own life. Like, if I am trying to grow and understand something and then someone wants proof, just out of the blue, like I owe it or something? They would have to have had an awakening already for them to "See" the siddhi and even some can't. And me getting one was as spontaneous as it appears, or as other get spiritual gifts or enlightenment. That part seems to do it's own thing usually. I can't put ego into the mix and "move" the siddhi in the direction of that person at the speed they request if they can't even see God in the environment. I can't manifest 'that' quickly. Most people can't. And those who can, how would they do it by putting ego in the mix? Mine is linked to shakti energy and it is very personal. But at the same time, you can tell if someone has one if they are living with it versus talking about it to you and trying to convince you. For most people with siddhis, they just live their lives, it becomes normalized so there isn't like... it doesn't feel as magical or rare or anything, because it is just like seeing or tasting or something. If you can See God, and can generally put ego aside to See it in others and how they are expressing, it has an illuminating effect to it in how it is presented, so you should be able to "feel" for those who have siddhis. It is not 'that' hideable, unless you can't See God ime. Others might have come about their experiences differently. Just like... look for some sort of illuminating quality within what the person is doing. Some siddhis are very advanced, like, people can find victims and sense into the past and things like that. If you have a siddhi, there will be a trail of it just by living life. And there are so many different ones, too. Like, thousands, I bet. It's not uncommon, it's just not, most of them can't be replicated with ego, and most of them are on a scale of proficiency. I can't share my siddhi with others unless they have an intuitive understanding of certain concepts already in place. And I can't give what would give someone that understanding. And on top of that, I don't really "own" the siddhi. If you understood what mine was, you wouldn't want it to be used like that anyways. It's not easy to explain, but if you have one, then you can tell when others do, too. And generally what it is, how strong it is, how experienced they are, and whatnot. It is a whole different world that if you don't have a feel for the paranormal, it wouldn't translate. I am of the idea that it is most people's birthright to have a siddhi and that society does not nurture what could create them. That God has these gifts in line for everyone.

Mahakali's origin is contained in various Puranic and Tantric Hindu Scriptures (Shastra). In these, she is variously portrayed as the Adi-Shakti-Goddess Durga, the Primeval Force of the Universe, identical with the Ultimate Reality or Brahman. She is also known as the (female) Prakriti or World as opposed to the (male) Purusha or Consciousness, or as one of three manifestations of Mahadevi Durga (The Great Goddess) that represent the three Gunas or attributes in Samkhya philosophy. In this interpretation Mahakali represents Tamas or the force of inertia. A common understanding of the Devi Mahatmya ("Greatness of the Goddess") text, a later interpolation into the Markandeya Purana, considered a core text of Shaktism (the branch of Hinduism which considers Devi Durga to be the highest aspect of Godhead), assigns a different form of the Goddess (Mahasaraswati, Mahalakshmi, and Mahakali) to each of the three episodes therein. Here Mahakali is assigned to the first episode. She is described as an abstract energy, the yoganidra of Vishnu. Brahma invokes her and she emerges from Vishnu and he awakens. She is the Goddess of time. Her ten headed (dashamukhi) image is known as the 10 Mahavidyas Mahakali, and in this form she is said to represent the ten Mahavidyas or "Great Wisdom (Goddess)s". She is sometimes shown sitting on a flaming grave or a rotting corpse. Her complexion is described as that of the night sky, devoid of stars. She is depicted in this form as having ten heads, thirty flaming eyes, ten arms, and ten legs but otherwise usually conforms to the four armed icon in other respects. Each of her ten hands is carrying an implement which varies in different accounts, but each of these represent the power of one of the Devas or Hindu Gods and are often the identifying weapon or ritual item of a given Deva. The implication is that Mahakali subsumes and is responsible for the powers that these deities possess and this is in line with the interpretation that Mahakali is identical with Brahman. While not displaying ten heads, an "ekamukhi" or one headed image may be displayed with ten arms, signifying the same concept: the powers of the various Gods come only through her grace. In either one of these images she is shown standing on the prone, inert body of Shiva. This is interpreted in various ways but the most common is that Mahakali represents Shakti, the power of pure creation in the universe, and Shiva represents pure Consciousness which is inert in and of itself. While this is an advanced concept in monistic Shaktism, it also agrees with the Nondual Trika philosophy of Kashmir, popularly known as Kashmir Shaivism and associated most famously with Abhinavagupta. There is a colloquial saying that "Shiva without Shakti is Shava" which means that without the power of action (Shakti) that is Mahakali (represented as the short "i" in Devanagari) Shiva (or consciousness itself) is inactive; Shava means corpse in Sanskrit and the play on words is that all Sanskrit consonants are assumed to be followed by a short letter "a" unless otherwise noted. The short letter "i" represents the female power or Shakti that activates Creation. This is often the explanation for why she is standing on Shiva, who is her husband in Shaktism, and also the Supreme Godhead in Shaivism. Another understanding is that the wild destructive Mahakali can only stop her fury in the presence of Shiva the God of Consciousness, so that the balance of life is not completely overrun over by wild nature. In Kashmir Shaivism the highest form of Kali is Kalasankarshini who is nirguna, formless and is often show as a flame above the head of Guhya Kali the highest gross form of Kali. In Nepali Newar arts, both form and formless attributes of Kali is often envisioned in a single art form showing the hierarchy of goddesses in their tradition. In it Guhyakali image culminates in flame, with Kalasankarshini, the highest deity in the sequence, who consumes time within herself and is envisioned solely as a flame representing Para Brahman. She is like a divine actress in her own universal play who assumes the form/role of Sristi Kali, Rakta Kali, Yama Kali, Samhara Kali, Mrityu Kali, Rudra Kali, Mahakaala Kali, Paramaraka Kali, Kalagnirudra Kali, Martanda Kali, Sthitinasha Kali and Mahabhairavaghorachanda Kali who is none other than Kalasankarshini Kali Break me in don’t break me down Swimming in these empty towns I wonder if it’s all some master plan Diving into sweeter bliss Fallin’ before we miss Taste the taste before it’s gone and you’re too late Won’t change what I am To find who you are Can’t stay in these lines When I’m bursting at the seams My body might collapse If I carry one more dream I could be anything Param Brahma (Sanskrit: परब्रह्म, romanized: parabrahma) in Hindu philosophy is the "Supreme Brahman" that which is beyond all descriptions and conceptualisations. It is described as the formless (in the sense that it is devoid of Maya) that eternally pervades everything, everywhere in the universe and whatever is beyond. Param Brahma is conceptualised in diverse ways. In the Advaita Vedanta tradition, the Param Brahma is a synonym of nirguna brahman, i.e., the attribute-less Absolute. Para is a Sanskrit word that means "higher" in some contexts, and "highest or supreme" in others. Brahman in Hinduism connotes the Absolute, the Ultimate Reality in the universe. In major schools of Hindu philosophy it is the material, efficient, formal and final cause of all that exists. Brahman is a key concept found in the Vedas and is extensively discussed in the early Upanishads and in Advaita Vedanta literature.

Some songs that I feel are illuminating in some way, either in image or sound. I'm starting to collect Light keys, wherever I can.

"You've been matched." For a therapist. I have to call 'em up... soon. The book noticed from this morning - 'Playing with fire.' Could be a good thing, could be a bad thing, could be both. "You've been matched. Playing with fire." It could still mean anything. That's the lesson I learned the last time, to be careful with labels, and just keep going. But what if our love runs out? Yeah, what if our love runs out? What if our love runs out, out, out? Don't wanna let you down What if our love runs out? Praying earnestly. Empty... empty... empty... empty... empty...eyes. And then, "Hello." And I'm politely humbled. I can't really explain the process very well. It feels like I intruded. But made up for it along the way. I could be initiated now if I want to. My cup is empty. The right song comes on.

I'll tell you what I know of dark energies, but I am just a novice. The universe/consciousness has yin energy and yang energy. One encompasses energy that is dark and heavy, and the other light and free. You just have to learn to orient your compass differently if you don't want this type of energy. I had a feeling you would fall into it on your own at some point based on how you write, I can sense you are open in that way to receive energies and be able to translate them. Sometimes this creates shamans or healers, sometimes it will create dysfunction or mental illness in you. The universe is slightly predatory like this in how karma works. You can have actions - or a momentum of high energy or lower based on where/how you were raised or what you picked up in life/genetics/ect. When you start to become more aware of your energetic system, you can then sense these beings in 5D. When I feel dark energy, it feels like a space outside of timespace, where all the negative actions that have happened on this planet are, they sing all in unison. "I want to feel, I want to feel, I want to feel." *timestamped* Near the end ^ It isn't evil, it's just all the heavy actions that have been taken. And it wants to grow just like light energy does. You can explore this space, too, just don't let anything attach to you. http://maryshutan.com/darkness-spirit-and-the-feminine/ @Zigzag Idiot knows a lot about the energetic body. If you want to develop a compass for this work. 'Cause you'll want to know how to clean it, remove these entities, move in between light and dark energy, ect. My phone is off right now, but when I charge it I will send you some info on how to understand energies, clear your energetic space and so on so you can get started.

I was attacked once a few times by dark forces. Holy water as needed, prayer, good intentions, and raising my vibration to be more in tune with the Light has been helping. Intention is everything, if it is bad energy it will harm you at some point so try to remove it. Palo santo wood to purify air/self. Asking it who it is, telling it it has to leave and does not have permission to stay. You are your own authority.

I like some of her stuff, I don't really care who says what as long as they can answer my questions on spiritual matters in a way that I can grow from. I don't use her content very often, though and so don't have much of an opinion.