Loba

@Vibroverse Yes.

Kids are a pain in the ass. Cute and fun in small doses. Who knows, maybe someday when Leo is in his mid 40's he'll have kids, men have long reproductive lives.

I don't know. When I am in my dreams, I feel like I do know more and I try to bring it back here but I forget the information in the dream - like, I figure out or inherently know how this is a dream. What is freaky is when it starts to look like a dream, too. God shines through everything and life feels like an amusement park ride. I don't know how people can live in that paradigm though, and not go a bit crazy. It's super weird. Like a clay made from an invisible paint. In my dream it feels like this, like I just Know how imagination and intention create reality. And I understand that the dream world is just as real, when I am there it feels as solid and lifelike as right now. This is a dream that Michelle has, where she just knows the recipe for making post-it glue. It's like that, except I am conversing with other dream characters and it is generally a positive interaction... but then I wake up and the whole memory of it is just super blurry. But when I find myself there, I want to bring back the manifesting potential that the dreamworld has. Maybe it's not supposed to be brought back, or maybe I am not ready to really live in a world where everything is just imagination here and now. When you recognize it as just imagination, that is when the magic happens. A portion of it is realizing that death is illusory ime.

Martial arts, because you can learn to go into a meditative state when doing it. It's good for your health, physique, it is a good way to channel male aggression - I think for a guy who is having the troubles that you are having, that martial arts could fix a lot of your problems. Plus, if you get a lot of exercise, this can actually help with suicidal thoughts. It is taking aggression and frustration and channeling that energy in the right way, that's perfect - it would help with self esteem and being comfortable with who you are. I vote martial arts. Good luck, sorry you're getting picked on, that's not cool. It's hard to say, that I'm back on a straight line You see my path is in fact just a fault line It's in my blood, it's in my lungs and it won't die I fight these words, I bite my tongue so I don't lie Though it's me to blame There is no more shame in me, in me I just feel the same, immune to all this pain And the scars don't write a song for me at all I am a stone, unaffected Rain hell down onto me Flesh and bone, unaffected Your fool I will not be I am a stone, (I am a stone) unaffected Rain hell down onto me Flesh and bone, (I am a stone) unaffected Your fool I will not be I try to see and believe in the short sight Accept the burn of a vain and a half-life And how you rest your faith in these for a lifetime That hollow lie against my hope that I won't buy Though it's me to blame There is no more shame in me, in me I just feel the same, immune to all you say And the scars don't write a song for me at all No your tears won't line a path for me to crawl I am a stone, unaffected Rain hell down onto me Flesh and bone, unaffected Your fool I will not be I am a stone, (I am a stone) unaffected Rain hell down onto me Flesh and bone, (I am a stone) unaffected Your fool I will not be The waters rise above my eyes I will breathe it in and go out with the tide And when you think this is the end You will find me there where I have always been I am a stone, unaffected Rain hell down onto me Flesh and bone, unaffected Your fool I will not be I am a stone, unaffected Rain hell down onto me Flesh and bone, unaffected Your fool I will not be I am a stone, (I am a stone) unaffected Rain hell down onto me Flesh and bone, (I am a stone) unaffected Your fool I will not be I am a stone I am a stone

I dedicate this song to this particular section of the forum. In nineteenth-century Russia, we write letters We write letters We put down in writing What is happening in our minds Once it's on the paper, we feel better We feel better It's like some kind of clarity When the letter's done and signed

Your Super Serious Title is: The Moon Goddess Empath Your Total Score: 71 out of 80 Your Out of Control Healer Score: 7 out of 10 Your Protection Tools Score: 23 out of 25 How Much You Mirror Others Unconsciously Score: 15 out of 15 Your Appreciation for Nature Score: 10 out of 10 You scored extremely high on the overall results. You are definitely an empath. You can get by socially, although it sounds like your intuitive social skills could be better. Sometimes you need to be around water to heal. This indicates that you may need some healing work done on your second chakra. You love nature and unconsciously understand its healing effects -- which is a general, but strong indicator that you are an empath. You have a deep love and appreciation for nature. You recognize the sacred expression of all beings. You are truly wise. But you have a wonderful ability to sway and change the moods, energies, atmospheres, and environments around you. You need to learn how to recognize and differentiate other people's energy from yours. Learning psychic/empathic meditation tools will help. You scored the worst on the "Mirroring Others Unconsciously" portion of the quiz. It looks like you have a tendency to mirror other people and their energy. This means that you give up your energetic seniority at the whim of the world's changing winds (in other words: other people are able to control or influence you too much on an energy level). You would benefit from learning to control your crown chakra and probably cord removal or healing work. You scored very low on the "Has Protection Tools" section of the quiz. This means that your ability to protect yourself energetically is poor. You are like a psychic sponge. You would benefit from energy healing and empathic protection tools! Sometimes you've got it under control, but you probably struggle more than most people.

@IAmReallyImportant No. Don't worry, I scored high as well, but I have HFA not psychopathy. There are too many variables, all people are too unique for simplified tests like this. All the actually important values: like, not screwing people over, caring if you see animals/humans abused, ect, I agree with. A psychopath would not care. I feel more emotional range as well. I love my pets. I love my family, even if they get on my nerves. I did come from a very messed up home, but I have come very far from where I used to be when I was younger. I worked on it. Some of the questions are things a person has done in the past and it doesn't take account of the changes a person can make in their lives over time. I acted in ways that were unempathetic, but when I felt the results of my actions I did not like what I saw and made adjustments. I continue to do this, but I'm not very skilled at it unless I know a person or a pet very well. Then I can build a library of what to do and eventually I do feel more authentic. I think when I am calm and in a good place that I am very nice and agreeable. As for darkness, it's not something to mess with unless you accidently find it, and you have to use it purely for good, or it monkey paws on you later down the road, karmically. It has to choose you. An initiation with it. And it's more of an impartial judge than anything else. Ignorance, childlikeness, illness, that isn't used against you if you find it, just general true malice. There is a lot of wiggle room when it comes to darkness. If you use it wrong it will devour you in some way later on down the road through karmic retribution, though. I've experienced this as a cosmic warning before, for messing with things I wasn't supposed to. It's hard to explain. It is like a material, the material magicians and alchemists use. It's an energy , just like anything else and has a bad reputation, or is turned into something angsty or Hollywood - but it's simply a more "thick" boomerang manifesting energy. It's also a nothingness, that can sometimes come in through a personal tautology.

This thread makes me think of this song.

You score for primary psychopathy was higher than 41.76% of people who have taken this test. You score for secondary psychopathy was higher than 86.46% of people who have taken this test.

What it takes to begin a healing process: to be able to feel sadness at the awfulness and to be able to shed tears over what this person and many others really did not have, vs. all these ways that we defend and compensate, we may be able to talk about it, but to let those feelings in of how hurt and rejected that that was. One of the things that happens is when I reflect back, "that sounds awful", people will minimize or covering up the abuse vs. being able to feel those feelings that had to be locked up and shut away and reclaim the hurt and the grief, and a lot of other feelings that for the sake of survival could not be felt at the time. Core restorative part of analysis is that these painful feelings are thrumming in the unconscious, and they're creating a gravitational field that tugs and pulls on the web of our inner life, when we feel we have enough strength or enough of an alliance with the analyst, we can tolerate going down and risking feeling these things, and trusting that we can metabolize those feelings now in a way that we could not have as a child, imminent to wisdom to tuck them all away, you have to get to adulthood and have to find someway to make it. Why feel those feelings: because they are in the background exerting a gravitational pull and they still take energy that is not available for as full a life as we would wish for anyone to be able to have. Emotional trauma. It can be traumatic, this is the pull, sometimes there are explicit traumatic memories and sometimes it takes a while in the analysis to realize that it's the vacancy of feelings and memories; for instance a disappearing mother can be tricky to catch because it's the absence of things that should be in the psyche vs. the over potentiated distressing images that are hot in the psyche and both of those things just influences so many things. In either event, either case, we're talking about reclaiming the feeling functions, especially those feelings that most of us don't want to feel, that we are needy, or that we were hurt or that we felt rejected. We were little and needed help. These are harder feelings to allow to come to the surface and be fully felt than our bravery or our toughness or how hard we can work, or "I don't need anybody". In one of the places that will come out frequently with parental complexes is in the transference. Analysts sitting in the room, they say something, a turn of phrase, an idea that comes to mind, and then all of a sudden the client will activate in a very intense way, and then that's the first glimpse of the complex as it's being projected onto the analyst and it can be a bit of a gasping moment for both parties. Another configuration of the swallowing mother: as a child a mother who is narcissistic or who has a lot of needs, very extroverted, kind of engulfing the child, making all the decisions, constantly touching them, pulling them into the relationship with the mother rather than other kinds of things, something will rise up in the child later in life to want to attack all of that overwhelming and engulfing behaviour. Sometimes this will show up in the consulting room as an interpretation made causes the client to become ferocious about you daring to intrude on their psychological sovereignty. They don't know it's a complex, they really think you have become an engulfing creature of some kind and that is a really delicate dance. Watch for transference in the negative mother complex. We can will all good intentions step into territory where we provoke that projection and then we're in some really difficult territory and we have to see if we can find our way back and sometimes we cannot figure out how to break the spell. It feels like you have harpooned a moving whale while in a dingy. When you can work through that, that's part of the healing. Hugely. How do you heal it? One of the key ways is actually through relationship. Borderline personality disorder. Times people are upset or angry with an analyst, that those feelings are so important to come out and that the client not feel that he or she has to take care of the analyst by being nice and polite. Analysts invite to tell them if something come sup in a session that did not fit or sit right with them or come back the next week and let them know what bothered them and that we have to find room and make room for somebody's anger and for what comes up for them from their past in the relationship with a primary caretaker, the mother, and be able to accept and deal with and work through those feelings that this is going to be a very sturdy relationship that can hold that stuff. Not talk about outrageous and over the top behaviour, but the intensity of feelings that people can have. We have all had them,. An analytic relationship can be a major part of healing from a negative mother complex and other relationships can play that role, too. We can find a friend, often friends because then there is more breathing room in the relationship. Where analysts have had people tell them they had a very negative experience of their mother and then later in life they find a divine feminine friend, full of grace person who's able to bestow a good will, and an invitation to this particular woman, which brought her to an incredible softening and opening, blossoming of her heart. One of the things that is true and very mysterious about complexes is the way that they manifest out in the world. If we have had a very critical mother, we may meet her again and again, we might have a friend who's very critical, we might then have a boss who's very critical, we might wind up having a mother in law who is critical, and we keep on finding our mother again and again and again, and we may not be aware of the things that we are doing that provoke a certain reaction from others around us that put us back in that place of that mother complex, so it's like somehow the complex is really running the show behind the scenes and there is this uncanny way where people with that same constellation find their way into our orbit in a way that is unexplainable. The complex becomes a little bit like fate, but as we know from faerie tales, you can change your fate. Working through a negative mother complex, depending on the severity of it and some other factors, it generally takes a long time. It is not a quick fix. Because it is so much in the ground of the psyche because your primary caregiver for the first weeks of life and was involved in the originating neuroplasticity, all the first images, all the first sounds and scents and sensations in the body. That's laying the ground, so to really get in and be able to observe that can be miraculous, and the forces needed to shift that are miraculous. It takes a lot of practice. If you keep stepping into a minefield every time you try to have a friendship because you always wind up provoking, either acting like your mother or finding people who treat you the way your mother did - it takes practice, many efforts of finding a friend before the pattern begins to lose it's grip and you start finding your way to other patterns of relating. You can create new patterns, but it takes a long time. Circumambulating something is useful, it is not a linear process, it is being in it and walking around it, and circumscribing it in a way that contains it better, and then you can see it. Quote from Jung about: it takes a long time, and what he says is: the most intense conflicts evolve or come, leave behind a sense of security and calm which is not easily disturbed or else a brokenness that can hardly be healed. Given a choice between those two things and a lot of examples in faerie tales - you can be more. The hope is that with dreams and relationships of all kinds and introspection and therapy, we grow bigger - think of a sapling that has a big gash in it because somebody whacked it with an axe, and that is an awful thing for the sapling, but if that tree can become a full grown tree, that gash is not that big of a deal because the tree grew bigger than the wound. Another element that can be part of the healing process learned from faerie tales and clinical experiences: In the psyche of a woman, the animus plays a big role in healing this wound. Examples: Eleanor Oliphant - falls in love from afar with a singer in a band, she thinks he's perfection and she begins to mobilize some interests and get more interested in the outside world because of this and this is a great example of the function of the animus. He draws her out into life. Constellating power of the animus to focus our libido; life energy toward a goal and perhaps help us to seek relationship that would allow us to begin to engage these wounds. The animus allows the reconciliation or the confrontation with a complex that would allow for healing. It can feel like sliding down a glass mountain when working on a negative mother complex. Anima, animus demystified: a part of us that isn't part of our personal history and we see it over and over again in faerie tales of that the prince arrives out of the blue and something magic happens - this is a hopeful note that there is energy in the psyche, in the unconscious which Jung said over and over again is autonomous, it has it's own trajectory, it has its own life - that we know that's there and the girl from the book is drawn back to life - and to include some space in this part of the psyche for this healing process. The message is encouraging. You can do it. Negative mother complex shows up differently in the son than the daughter. If the negative mother is aggressive one of the ways that a daughter can live that environment is by absorbing that kind of power of the feminine and she can join the mother in this darker aspect of the feminine and the two of them can still stay full of agency and still be dynamic where often the son in the environment simply becomes an object and he cannot embody or identify with this constellation of the feminine. He is reduced to a swan, regresses into an animal consciousness, but the daughter is still able to stay active in that role because she can still absorb some of the dynamism of the negative mother because she can identify with her through the primordial feminine archetype, that is a dimension of how different it is. Another dimension is that in the psyche there is the negative mother complex which seems atmospheric in the psyche and then the ego feels like the child in relationship to it, but that polarity can often change and the person with the negative mother complex can be possessed by the negative mother and then treat other people like the child object. Somebody who feels very criticized might walk away feeling that there is a voice constantly picking at them but that polarity can easily switch around and that person can find themselves being blisteringly critical of other people because they know what that behaviour is like and they can access it. When someone has had a particularly negative mother they often feel like whatever I do, I have to avoid becoming like her and so they reject everything about that person and they might still unconsciously act it out, but consciously they don't want to be anything like her and that can be a problem because even the most negative mother has some positive qualities, but it's like the person can't let him or herself anywhere near those qualities, so for example with women it shows up if the mom has been critical and aggressive it may be difficult for the daughter of that woman to claim any kind of aggressive capacity because even being a little bit sharp feels like oh my god, I am turning into my mother and this is a way to keep it in the unconscious thought it's atmosphere is really in the psyche, when the realization is placed in the center of the space, the temple, the temenos, and then it can be walked around, but before that can happen is it haps to be named. And not only to name it but to experience themselves being besieged by the negative mother and then it is another transition which can be very painful for people is to catch that moment when we can talk about them acting out those same qualities and that can be just incredibly painful for people to understand how they are co-participating in this thing that they dislike strongly. It is important that it be out there instead of in here, it has been so wounding, hurtful. When we can recognize it and relate to it and relate to the parts of our complex that have become internalized in ourselves, then you have something you can work with - as long as you're disconnected from it, as long as it is out there and none of it is in here, you are too far away from it, and so it is a big process of really coming to realize what does my mother complex look like, along with a host of other things, because all I can do is work with myself. I can't change what is out there. You cannot change what happened, we cannot change the past. Humour, laughter is a way of melting the power of these qualities. Something unexpected comes up from the unconscious, whether it is humour or just some new surprising energy that kind of lands. Stopped around 50 mins in - finish up later down below. My sleeping karma. No meaning. Just a deep, profound emptiness.

I was wondering that, too. I was thinking, "How does he buy chickens then? What do they come in, like a paper bag? Tin foil? Cardboard box."

Pfizer. First shot, three were no side effects. Second shot, with two nights of sweating profusely, four days of an achy arm and that's about it.

And then I found out how hard it is to really change Even hell can get comfy once you've settled in I just wanted the numb inside me to leave No matter how fucked you get, sorrow is there when you come back down Funny thing is, all I ever wanted I already had There's glimpses of heaven in every day In the friends I have, the music I make, with the love I feel I just had to start again Ignorance, fear, selfishness, need and lack of love and lack of consciousness - all five of these point played out in your scenario with this person, and this completely explains why they hurt you. Very clearly replay this situation in your mind and notice the real root reason why you were hurt because this person acted out of ignorance, weakness, fear, selfishness, unconsciousness and a need for love. If you still can't see this, keep replaying the situation and keep contemplating it deeper until you see that this is true, it is just a question of how deeply are you willing to go inside their minds to understand their motivations. Can you see how in this situation person was not being evil, but actually this person was trying to be good and was trying to seek love in ignorant ways and that's all this situation boils down to - all these situations boil down to - seeking love, in some form or another. People seek these things not knowing why they are seeking them because they ultimately think that it will lead to satisfaction and look for this in unconscious ways, so apply this to your situation until you can see clearly how this is so. Maybe they cheated or lied because of their life history. Really see why the person behaved the way they behaved, dig deep. Bring to mind all of the times in your life when you acted out of ignorance, weakness, fear, selfishness, unconsciousness and a need for love. Notice how you do this, too. It can manifest in very different ways, maybe they cheated on you and you have not, but we are trying to go broad with this - get abstract - so look at where in your life you have acted out of these flaws. Where in your life have you needed love and acted in such a way where it hurt others, but you needed it so badly someone else got hurt. Draw that commonality between this person and yourself. What you need to see is that this is not personal. These are universal dynamics of human behaviour in life. You weren't hurt because it was personal, you were hurt because someone was acting on instinct while looking for love. You don't even notice sometimes when you hurt somebody, it is not even obvious. It might not be obvious to the other person either because of different world views and value sets and being occupied with looking for love, they can't see the collateral damage. That in a nutshell is ignorance and lack of consciousness. Notice how in your life you try to be good most of the time, when you hurt others it is out of an ignorance of some kind. Now apply this to this person in this situation. When you do something bad in your life, you are still fundamentally good, the badness is a failure and oversight because of fear, ignorance and weakness. Really, it is difficult to be good but most people wish to be. Notice that this person who hurt you is fundamentally good and are trying to be good, they can't help it because of the lens they live through, just like you. Find the common threads between all human behaviours. We are all struggling for love, we all fear, we are all ignorant and selfish, unconscious to various degrees. There are many degrees of this. Why is that? Different circumstances. Different times. Different values. Different worldviews. You know deep in your bones what these things are, what a struggle it is, because it is your entire life in a nutshell, these obstacles, these limitations you know intimately so you should be able to draw a deep common link between this person and yourself. We all have the same struggles. Knowing all of that, now that you are more conscious of what is really going on are you willing to forgive this person for the very same things that you struggle with? How can you hold a grudge for being selfish and fearful, needy and desperate when you yourself are those things and have been those things your entire life. Are you going to sit there with a straight face and judge them because they were struggling to get by? To meet their needs? You will have to judge everybody and yourself too. Can you be so strong that you drop the need to get even with this person, with humans who are ignorant, selfish and scared? Can you let it go? This is crucial because a selfish, hurt person wants to get even. A generous strong person can extend mercy without needing to get even, which is the highest strength you can possess. To be hurt and to not retaliate because you are secure in yourself. If you were hurt, a lot of times the person was hurt by somebody else, so it is a chain of hurt. Somebody screwed you over because they were screwed over, ect. Are you willing to be strong enough to break this chain of hurt, or are you going to be a link in the chain and pass the hurt onto somebody else, if you carry the hurt, it will bubble up in unconscious ways that can inadvertently hurt others. Do you want to be the type of person who carries this hurt and transfers and carries this hurt like a virus, or do you want to be strong and cut the cord, the chain right here and now, and save somebody else from incurring your hurt. Is that who you want to be? Your options: 1: Do you choose to keep judging and not to forgive them? This is the weaker choice. 2: Choose to be selfless and good and cut the chain of hurt, in which case you choose consciousness, wisdom and love over fear. These are the consequences and you can now make a conscious choice to move forward. Are you strong enough to love even when others are too weak to love you? Or are you so weak you wait for others to love you before you extend your love to them? Are you strong enough to love without requiring your love to be returned back immediately? Do you dare to love someone who hurt you? If you don't choose to love them, then you are being less that your higher self and less than you are capable of. You are doing so out of fear of what would happen if you loved somebody who hurt you or was ignorant, which is repeating the same cycle. You have the option to break the cycle of ignorance. Before you can forgive the other person you must first forgive yourself for all the times you have been ignorant, selfish, fearful and needy for love in your life and have hurt others. Why forgive yourself for this? Because that is life: life puts you in a bind of ignorance and survival, and life and survival is complex and counterintuitive and it takes trial and error - you have to start from zero, blank slate, and you learn. Others are doing the same thing. This generates the full highs and lows of life. Are you willing to forgive yourself for your flaws? When you frame it in a universal way, these are forces of nature, it is like forgiving gravity. What is there to forgive? It's just a force of nature, it is not personal. You and everyone else is in this existential bind of life. A lot of people just don't know how to cope in healthy ways. Don't overlook that. Don't assume others know how to cope in a healthy way and that others have that knowledge and wisdom. They had to cope without the information that you have today - we can search for any information that is available. Keep replaying this situation with this person in your mind until you realize that anything less than forgiveness is beneath you. You are too strong and too good not to forgive this person. Keep doing that until you have forgiven this person and then check to see if there is any judgement or resentment, and keep going through this until you realize that their actions are your actions. And that to forgive them is to forgive yourself and visa versa. Do this a few times and you should be able to let go of all past hurt. And that's it.

Ooooh! Good questions, I am super curious about the answers people give you.

@Endangered-EGO Yeah tough crowd.

Why fight it? Look for reasons where it is an option: Most people don't need to... rarely is it an option if you need it. These videos can help. Looking at it from a distanced perspective, 3rd person perspective. Be as rational as possible, not emotional when you dissect this. Create the right mood or wait for the right mood to happen when you can really dissect it from that distanced place. Also, I have been there and understand how it feels if anyone feels this way please send me a note to talk. <3

I have names for my two cats, but I don't view them with the name, I look at them with an intent to see the creature in front of me. The moment you use a word for something you create a division between that thing.

I have used: Mushrooms when I was younger and had a few interesting experiences but did not know about spirituality then. I saw colours more vividly, the room is usually in pieces - like fine small details due to my autism and PTSD, and this was cleared up and I saw the whole room in its entirety for what it was as a complete picture. It temporarily cured my myopia in that way and I saw wholly, like a child again. Another time my ego was trying to die and it freaked me out to have that profound inner emptiness that I snapped away from it quickly to focus on my tripping friends. LSD - once, I tripped with my friend's boyfriend and we watched Ren and Stimpy and I realized the genius of expression. That the creator was at the top when it came to drawing emotions/caricatures/expressions - each cell was very different; the amount of variation they used amazed me. Weed - I smoke weed often and have had a bunch of awakenings on it, too many to name, I've experienced a lot of strange spiritual phenomena over the years. I use it to calm my mind down and for stress/PTSD and it helps me regulate my emotions as well. I use it when I listen to lectures also, although I need notes to remember what was said (lol) I can abstract easier on weed and so more insights make it through. I can focus longer and so insights that require concentration make it through to me as well. It does make my paranoia worse - and sometimes my delusions worse - so I have to be mindful and am getting better with it all the time. I have tried hard drugs as well, but never got addicted and did them for the experience only. Stuck with weed. Some great experiences, some sucky experiences, but nothing profound came from them. Weed has been the most helpful and the easiest to control. I feel so loving when I am high, and my understanding of myself increases, I don't feel impatient or aggressive, my body feels comfortable, I can meditate, focus easier, imagination increases, my channeling is more proficient, ect, ect. Weed is super underrated as a spiritual tool imo - I would not access certain insights without it. It helps me enjoy/feel good in the moment and hack my brain when I need to, and food tastes great.