Loba

What's controlling about it - well, why do you want to take over another person's worldview and crack them open in such a way so that your particular viewpoints flood in? What if it's meant to happen at a certain point in time that doesn't have anything to do with when you see fit? How do you know someone isn't closed for certain, important reasons? Humans are memetic, and so are their views and ideas. It's probably just an idea that wants to live through you and worm its way into another human, but why should it? What's wrong with being closed minded? And what if they're not? How do you know for sure that your assumption of their open mindedness is correct? And finally, biases serve to protect a person from something, people hold onto them when they are not ready to wake up to a certain paradigm. It isn't up to a random person online to be the one to do this. In my experience, people who try to "open me up" in a certain way, in order to let their certain brand of ideas penetrate me are often impatient, or they don't see the full picture into who I am, there are so many variables when it comes to the give and take of things, that I think the best solution isn't to open anyone up, but just to show them how they can return to going back within. There really isn't anything more anyone needs to do, as everything they will or should do is predicated upon just that simple change - outwards to inwards. That's about it... and then when they do, everything should take care of itself in time. But these repetitive spiritual arguments/debates and the need to change other people that so so so many of you here seem to like to do, day in day out, it's just you guys distracting yourselves, and then patting yourselves on the back for being so "woke". Have you ever noticed that it's the folks here who aren't on this website arguing every day, who don't feel the need to always have a position over other people, these are the ones who generally actually get somewhere with this work? I mean, at some point, I would hope that the people here would see this, but you see the exact same crowd debating day after day, year after year without any change... I used to get more into these spiritual debates a few years ago, but even with me I managed to learn my lesson and just focus on my own shizz. If you really wanted people to grow, and didn't want to keep them stuck then you'd let it go or just focus on your own stuff. Goes for anyone with this kind of psychology. Generally people that get into debates with others for prolonged periods of time, or who want to dissect worldviews just want to keep other people stuck on some level, the same level they are at - I call it "squawking seagull level". Because from a higher point of view, everyone is doing what they are supposed to be doing with the time that they are given. Even me posting this is "ironic", but I don't do it very often. I just feel that this thread is a good conduit for this message. People grow on their own terms. Everyone here should ideally just stop debating, work from within and then share openly, and call it a day.

I don't know, I feel as though people have a right to be who they want to be. I kind of view this post as semi-controlling and a need to direct other people into reacting or following their spiritual journey in a way that one person sees fit, and I don't think that works. I see a lot of people on this forum over the years try and change other people's perspectives, get them to see things in a certain way, try and tell them they are wrong for their beliefs and I think this is just a way to avoid going within. It's two sides of the same coin. When I am actively working on myself, doing what I need to do to grow, what other people do doesn't affect me at all. It's only when looking outwards and having expectations of others does my personal journey start to go awry. I think, the solution is in general, just to focus on yourself and actually try to move away from debate, prolonged discussion on these topics and any of that nonsense. Once I start to go within, to uncover things within myself - I can get pretty far. I would say, if you must direct people in a certain manner, just getting them to refocus inwards is going to be the best solution, for yourself or anyone who uses this forum. No one really needs to work on developing better communication with anyone, everything is just going to be how it is, and that's the name of the game - keep going inside. Never let go of that. If this forum were to change in any meaningful way, then we would have a bunch of people doing this - and they would begin to unravel their own unique paths, their own genius, creative potential and so forth.

"How do people get in these relationships?" Weren't you in one similar? Yelling, hitting you and so forth? You should know then... Sounds like my ex, to be honest. He used to kill my pet rabbits. I would come home and he would tell me, "Oh this one died, the cat ate it." And it kept happening. Financially used me, would threaten to break everything I own, isolated me, tried to make me homeless, would move objects around in the house in a weird way, been to jail three times, ex had a restraining order on him because he beat her with a hammer - I had to finally contact her to get the whole story and he "guilted" me for doing this. Lasted on and off about 9.5 years, with a few years in between contact. Wore me out - by the end of it, I had developed, I think partially due to him and family, autoimmune issues and bipolar. My family talks like this to one another. Every day it's some new screaming match and threatening aspects of that person's safety, although my family is much less severe as my ex was. I found, after being in that situation that I became depressed, paranoid, hateful - and by the end of it I had taken on some of his traits that I have been having to remove through self growth in order to be myself... not to be like "them". They will turn you into one of them if you stay around long enough... I will never date again. I refuse. I absolutely do not trust men anymore. And the thing is, these relationships are super common. A lot of my friends have gotten into situations with shady guys. They're much more common than you would think. To find a guy who doesn't have this monster hiding inside of them, that's the real quest - if I must be so honest about it. I hope she gets away. It's good she recorded him. I'm lowkey jealous, because she has the fame, the looks, and the support that most women don't get in this situation. She'll have the public to help her out, when more often than not these women become so broken by the end of it, there is no salvaging who they once were. The abuser looks clean and healthy after sucking the woman dry that by the end of it, she ends up looking and acting like the one with all the problems. It's quite twisted. Hope her hubby ends up ruined.

Same here, also have that diagnoses. That's really cool, I'm sorry to hear that he passed away. Interesting, usually people who have bipolar end up getting into spirituality at some point, but honestly, not having ideas on it is the best position to be in I have found so maybe some day he will had a spontaneous awakening - who knows, anything can happen. Why were you trying to force yourself out of that state? Was it too much to handle/could have become mental illness if it kept going? Oh okay, I see interesting. Would you liken your experience to this: https://alternativesmagazine.com/08/levy1.html Sometimes right before an awakening it can look like a break, but sometimes it can genuinely be one.

Your dad has it - if you are comfortable with me asking, what is he dealing with? Is he spiritual, and if so, do you see connections between his spirituality and those of ancient man? It not, or if too personal then you don't need to answer these questions. Yes, I agree. I personally was initiated by spirits into this role and also deal with mental illness. The reason I know this was a true initiation was due to the nature of how it came about - I was given the information while in a tranquil state of ego dissolution after following some advice from someone here, about five years ago - and the knowledge of this didn't phase me, as nothing good or bad would have changed my state - I simply recorded the download, and later on developed a sense of "identity" for it, until I let that go as well. I use music/trance states. My mind is quite clear when I sit with it all - and I just allow things to come up and write them down, look them over and decide later on if I want to keep or throw away what I find. What do you think qualifies you as a mystic? Initiation? Spiritual experiences? Not asking to disprove, just genuinely curious. And why would your dad not be one? Because, although there is spiritual validity with the mentally ill, it is still not as integrated as a sane person. Sadhguru is an exceptional person. A better example would be perhaps Paul Levy, who was diagnosed with mental illness and did go to a hospital for a time, but had a shamanic initiation in which he was able to pinpoint and discuss his own demon - Wetiko - which is actually a collective insanity within modern society. He is now a healthy person. They are in the hospital because there are no current solutions on how to guide most of them out of this fragmentation. If it gets really bad, they do lose touch with reality, go into fugue states, hallucinate and so forth - but with medication they end up pretty normal. Society doesn't have a system in place to guide each individual with the intensive years-long training and care needed to put that personality structure back together. And if they get too far down the wrong path, they can lose touch with a large portion of themselves and it is very hard to get them to turn around. I have been on both sides of this, I know how tricky the mind can be, especially for the mentally ill person. What - from my perspective, it feels like is this - the rules to reality change. They just flat out do. And the person is trying to fight to get back to a normal state of reality, but they have to use these new rules in order to climb out of it. It is like getting stuck on the other side of reality, one where every sign means something, you see connection in everything - and it is the personality, the shadow, things like this coming through that are going haywire to try and regulate the person. For those that I spoke with, it was the same for them. The rules just... changed. One guy, in order to keep dark energy from entering him, had to sing and clear his throat all the time. And I remember the same thing happening to me, where I was trying to bring my energy "up" and hummed and sang in order to speak Word into reality. Another girl had the same thing, where she thought she needed to move her reality in a certain way to change the outcome, and once she was at the height of it - only her Word would change anything for her state of mind. Another guy thought he was Jesus, and felt he had to take on the negative energy of the world and transmute it. Another had an actual God realization while looking at his white walls. He woke up to God, but was deemed "delusional". The difference between the sane and insane is that they can work with the rules of this reality and the ones of the other side, the mystical realms and can go back and forth. Those who are ill cannot do this, it overtakes them completely and they get stuck. Medicine can stop this, therapy can help, being in a hospital around other people and talking to them, getting support is the biggest thing. Within my psychosis - you know how dreams are so intuitive, that you just flow through them in this state and it all patches together just right? Well, when mine got to be the worst - that part of my psychology bled into this world. And so I was stuck with the rules of "dreaming" while having to navigate awake. The physicality of this world began to shimmer, everything was intuitive, I was no longer a part of this world anymore. At all. I was cut from it. It's hard to explain. But it wasn't... removed from Truth... it was more like... old, ancient software that had come online and directed me instead. No, it doesn't. When you let it go and there is just Love, God and consciousness within everything, you are healed from it for as long as you are in that state.

Have you ever been to one? Talked to the people who are in these places? Many of them have genuine spiritual awakenings or insight. Almost as if they are simply stuck in the middle of fragmentation without direction. Again - not true. I mean - what would you suspect most shamans/mystics are "afflicted" with? The very definition of schizophrenia is the defragmentation/fragmentation of the ego. This madness is also a key part of the shamanic journey. Shamanism is a tradition that you can find popping up within most cultures in some form or another. It is the dysfunctional ones, or the ones who were not in the right place at the right time that weren't deemed "fit". Not that they didn't have the makings of it. Again - reading up on schizophrenia is not the same thing as interacting with many people who have mental illness - of which I have at this point spoken to about a hundred within my three stays at the hospital. I got their histories, their life stories, their spiritual experiences, dreams, hopes, etc. Most of them, (I am not schizophrenic, but I have spoken with a lot.) you will find a deeply valid form of spiritual belief within many of them. And much of it is about filtering through delusions, false beliefs and getting to the core of themselves. Their process of thought and worldviews are deeply shamanic. It actually is that - in varying degrees. The mentally ill experience both, due to the ego dissolution that accompanies psychosis. It can fill you up, and also hollow you out. A person can be filled with so much of it, that they just drop it - and you will see in these moments a healing, or a clarity within these people develop. ---- Honestly, my advice for people reading this thread is to volunteer with the mentally ill. See them not as "other" - talk to them and you will find that you are dealing with kind souls. People who's lives, experiences and spiritual interpretations are also valid. if you actually sit down and talk to the people who live with these conditions you will gain more insight than from people who do not have much real world knowledge. Reading books, asking for advice on the spiritual validity of the mentally ill won't give you the answers you are looking for, you need to go out and talk to people who have been there.

I think the problem with spiritual circles is that they can have set notions of what spirituality looks like, when, as Leo has mentioned as well, there are a thousand and one different ways to get there. You also have to keep in mind that for someone who's spiritual journey involves the fragmentation/reintegration of the personality structure, or dealing with the paranormal - or an initiation, that these take years/decades even, for that person to level out. Especially in these do-it-yourself cultures where only trustafarians really have the extra dough to be spending on these costly holistic practitioners and the healing they offer. For most of us, we are left to pick up the pieces in a culture/society that doesn't understand this process of awakening. People only want the end result. They want that "super mysterious mystic" or the "ultra powerful shaman" to be the ones to guide "them" on their persona journeys, but they have little to no idea of the steps that it takes to actually get there. In fact, a lot of spiritual people throw out the baby with the bathwater when it comes to phenomenon within the spiritual realms, and end up closing themselves off to things, much to the chagrin of the genuine seeker, who is open to things both "good" and "bad", although both are relative. We not only place an idea over what a seeker or an enlightened person must look like and how they should behave, but we do this for mental health matters as well - it is deeply rooted in ableism and a fear of the unknown. The insane person represents something that can't be contained, can't be understood, when most of the world wants a level of balance to be reflected in their environment and the insane does not do this for them. It's easier to pigeonhole the bipolar person or the schizophrenic into the bin of "other" than it is to see that they carry within them their own wisdom - their own forms of mysticism that should be Seen and respected. A good example - myself - I am someone who requires extra support in my life. I don't deny it, I don't hide from it. It is what it is. My life and my work is still valid. I have had experiences of God, of Oneness, of an all encompassing Love, as well as everything in between - along with psychosis. Both sides of the coin - ultimate Truth and delusional falsity. In fact, due to experiencing both, the breadth of my work goes much deeper than someone who started out in the middle and moved themselves up from that vantage point. But, that said, I still struggle with daily life. I am always "in between" this place and that place. I get care for my issues, but I also don't expect the world to bend over backwards for me. I am not rich, but I have enough, I am happy with what I have. If one were to ask me, are you delusional, and how can you tell? I would answer - my visions always lead me to a place of self-love, forgiveness, truth, bravery, sincerity. Even if the path is more fantastical, full of more "weird" and out there things than the norm - if it were false - then why would it lead me to this same spot every time? I suppose the difference between me and a lot of seekers is that my awakenings were complete, they went deep. Into the darkest despair and the greatest of Light. And so I never see things from a position of where is it "not" spiritual. Which I see a lot of people doing on this forum - it's either this or that, or what's the highest or lowest - instead of actually Seeing the consciousness and life flowing through things and getting a really good taste of how it expresses itself. When you wake, you start to Know where to find these things, and how they appear in different ways. It becomes more nuanced rather than less. I can see the spiritual validity in most people, and can take it and apply it to myself - questioning people, their techniques - this doesn't really enter my thought process. There is a lot more validity that you can find within the different spiritual experiences of other folks than there are not.

I also represent anyone on the receiving end of those jokes you offend I'm the nightmare you fell asleep in and woke up still in I'm your karma closing in with each stroke of a pen Perfect time to have some remorse to show for your sin No, it's hopeless, I'm the denial that you're hopelessly in When they say all of this is approaching its end But you refuse to believe that it's over, here we go all over again I'm every guilt trip The baggage you had But as you gather up all your possessions If there's anything you have left to say Unless it makes an impact don't bother So before you rest your case Better make sure you're packing a wallop Behold the final chapter in the saga Trying to recapture that lightning trapped in a bottle Twice the magic that started it all Tragic portrait of an artist tortured Trapped in his own drawings Tap into thoughts Blacker and darker than anything imaginable Here goes a wild stab in the dark

It depends on the type of mental illness, how severe it is, and the symptoms presented. If you don't have a mental illness, you won't know how similar and different they can be, so someone like Leo who is neurotypical is not going to be able to give you a good answer on this topic as he has no experience with it. In my experience with mental illness, it is like a breakdown of the boundaries of the outside world. Your dream world comes into your waking state, you are inundated with symbolism, archetypes and energies that you don't fully understand. It comes flooding in, unexpected. What those with mental illness often find in their psychosis is that there is more going on under the surface of reality than meets the eye. You are literally stripped of your faculties, and put into a state that ancient man had to navigate. Nothing makes sense anymore. It is like being stripped of the normal rules of reality, given something completely new to have to work through, and you have to follow these new rules in order to get back to your previous state of being. The mentally ill can often times be very aware of their state of disintegration/defragmentation. It can take your ability away to structure a normal day, for sure, being in these states. So they lose their functionality. They used to have training for people who presented with these problems, in order to determine if they were fit for spiritual work or if they were too far gone. Generally, people who presented with these issues were given training. Some become too far gone, but a good number of them do have some abilities, interspersed with the illness. Spirituality and mental illness go hand in hand and there is a reason for that. A good example - it is almost like being foist into the occult without your permission. You are given a task to complete that you have to take on in order to put yourself back together again. Those who are not instructed, or who are interrupted, or generally told "no, you do it THIS way", by fools who think they know better, often damage the person's process. At times, a person needs to collapse in this way in order to restructure the personality. We simply don't have the right set up in our society to allow people the lengthy time they need to go through this, so people are medicated and put into the "broken" bag. As for functionality - many shamans/mystics are not extremely functional. They are halfway between the spiritual and the waking world. It is actually very hard to navigate when you are always in two places at once. It's like being half dead. I'm not saying that there aren't differences between the two, but there are more similarities than you might realize.

You're welcome! Then the best bet is going to be working on raising her vibration, in whatever way she feels would be best for her. I can just offer suggestions on what has worked/is working for me, but generally people will have their own path and their own intuition will know what they need to do. Things that make you feel stronger/more in control and healthier/happier in life tend to bleed into the dreamworld. If it continues, check out Mary Mueller Shutan's book "Shamanic Workbook Vol. 1" as this goes into detailed accounts on creating protection against energy using certain bath rituals/how to determine what energies a person is dealing with and how to work with them or remove them. You could even use this book along with your tripping, to figure out which energies you are working with/how to protect your state/how to develop energy reading abilities and so forth.

No. Not unless her "soul" feels that this intrusion is okay. When I have dreams of this nature, guardian entities come in to protect me or to mitigate the effects of their influence. If the soul is okay with it, it will either feel no emotion one way or the other or it will be elated to be given access to greater knowledge. Your intuition is much higher in the dream state. If she is feeling that there is something off with these beings in her dreams, she needs to follow that higher intuition and not to follow that path and to avoid them. The best way to do this is to ignore their attempts at contact. Shut it away. Sometimes, things aren't even evil. As in, death is not evil. It is either very loving or neutral. But if the entity does not have good intentions for her, then she will pick up on it. It could be the shadow or it could be a higher being. She will have to follow her own intuition on that, I don't like to assume these things for people. I reply in the nature of what you think it is - but it's up to her to decide what she feels she is working with. If it is a shadow, then shadow work, looking within, self love, acceptance and engaging in higher state activities should stop these attacks, or at least make it so that they are seen through as just puppets - but if they are entities, they may try a few times to continue contact, in which case, she can use her own internal source of power and tell them straight up, "NO. GO AWAY." Not with anger, or fear, but just letting them know that she will not tolerate their presence and that she is strong and capable. This, combined with love for the self acts as a protective barrier against negative beings. Sometimes, when we do this spiritual work, we can either open up old programs that don't want to "die out" and so they haunt us, or we allow our souls to be open to new experiences and higher dimensional entities take this as a sign to come to teach. The higher vibe her state is, the better chance she will have at finding a more adept/less negative teacher. Remember, she has the power in this situation. They might try to convince her otherwise, but this is a trap. The soul is a very strong creation, one that can take care of itself and govern itself. Hope that helps.

Oh man, that sounds really rough. I was lucky to be housed the whole time my experiences were happening. I relate to being a young soul, for sure and often genuinely do just think of myself as a young pup bounding around trying this or that to see what works and what doesn't. I also got threatened to be shut out of my work and was for a time, after using it the wrong way. I've been getting a lot of them lately, as if over time they are training me to understand the ways they think and how their world operates. But it is almost impossible to understand from my point of view, because I don't have the intelligence or the wiring to come to understand natural laws at the level of something that is so far removed from time, space and reality itself. They have... forever to Know things and I just have these few years. I like how Ges has been pointing out some of the areas where I need to focus in order to gain more understanding. It just makes me realize that yes, these things are very advanced and I don't think most people will ever come to understand them at the level of these beings. The aliens/beings-notsurewhattocallthem - some are very malicious, but the guide that I work with seems to be helping me to restore a sense of humanity and to be sharing with me how to accept being within this form that feels to be a prison housing my true self. Interesting. I've always had a lot of respect for schizophrenics due to their generally more advanced spiritual abilities. I have bipolar 1, which can have similar symptoms, but I don't think goes quite as deep into the fragmentation/re-building process that a schizophrenic does. They're the true OG shamans for sure. I totally understand, though, as during the peak of my symptoms - it was as if the rules of reality switched. That I had to play by the rules of my dream-world where it was purely seeing signs, following them and that it was a test in a way - my dream world literally bled into the real world. It was fluid, moldable, and it frightened me, because I realized that it was always just resting there - right behind this false reality. That underneath the constructs that we place in order to function in this world, it sits there, waiting for us to open it up. And it was almost like, I could get into my programming underneath it all, and what came from it was this horrible backlash for my own actions - like, the spirits do not mess around - if you get into reality in a certain way and you don't do it coming from love and selflessness - they will still help you, and change your life around to get you the support you need - but it will come with a serious stamp of "watch your step". I relate to the darkness as well, and for me it also came from the sky - but the blackness wasn't trying to hurt me - it was more like the first material that we create things from, and it was trying to help me restructure my reality. I read your experiences in your journal and what you went through and the similarities between what we went through is really super similar, like looking in a mirror almost - I was quite shocked. I have experienced these worldwide energies as well, and it almost felt as though if I got into a certain state, if I just moved underneath them in the proper way, that I could change things for the better for everyone - and I have felt that collective trauma that society holds from all of the wrong actions taken on innocents. No worries, I love having conversations with people. Sometimes I get forgetful with them, so if I forget to respond just drop me a note. I get it, but in dealing with mystical things - how do we do this when it may not be possible to bring the same state to each person? It is based on genetic ability, spiritual ability, the right time and place, as well as God's Will and also if the person is open enough psychologically. Well, let me try. The evolutionary chain felt like a long series of purposeful action, created just so that God could witness itself within its creations. It felt like a multidimensional tangle of threads all connected to one another, all reaching out and "tasting" experience. I could feel how every rabbit, every bug, every human, every dog had its place, and how each of their perfectly timed actions allowed me to witness the miracle of creation. That all of it was designed just for me, for that moment of experience. I "feel" evolution at this level, I guess you could look into the web of life and see what you find there. When I sit within nature and allow it to speak to me, these same signs unravel and I learn about myself and the miracle of the natural world, how each action speaks loudly, it is just up to us to listen. Well... you could try what I do - but this process is extensive. How I found it is through a few different ways - first, I started with no expectations of anything - I just worked on my psychology and everything that felt misaligned or broken or kept me from feeling like my true self, I looked into it from a non-judgmental place. I looked for differing views on unique problems that I faced. Finally, the main big boss problem - the fear of death hit me and I went through it by feeling the emotions around it, and I offered love and appreciation for the present moment while listening to a song and looking at a picture of nature. This is when God came to me. I had to meet it in the middle by removing all filters, then moving towards my own death and reaching out with appreciation, acceptance and love. Once I did this, this offered a permanent pathway back to that state that I can take at any time I need to. I do keep an open mind as well, but I am also willing to "close" things that are not true or accurate. I just wipe the slate clean, and allow this process of meeting in the middle to see what it gives me. You could try this, but it is intense and takes a few months. Do you think so? I see humans damaging others, causing wars, destroying cultures instead of coming to understand them. But maybe you're onto something and I just don't see it yet. Well, they aren't vague feelings, they're awakening experiences, complete with information and strongly reminiscent of truth. I don't know how to translate this to verify it for you, you'll have to just try to do this on your own - maybe something interesting will come to you one day and you'll see what I am getting at, or maybe not, maybe your path is just the very tangible "here right now" reality without the underlying makeup, that's possible, too. But if you wanna get close to it, your best bet is going to be death awareness in some form, as that's the process by which it comes in.

Hmmn... well... I have delt with this in the past. And I might have one now, but it's too soon to tell. My solution at this point is to see where I am at with myself. I am obviously trying so hard to grow, to change, to be sincere - that if someone trolls me, it isn't a reflection of me anymore. I've let it go. Maybe there was, at one time - I could see how this would have been warranted due to my actions - but they're tempered and I try. Very hard. So it then becomes a complete reflection of that person's inability to See me and meet me where I am at. I change every day. When people troll you, or hate on you, it is because they have taken a snapshot of you. People who do this will keep you in one frame for as long as it suit them. It never was about you and never will be. You could be completely different a week later, and if they were open, they would See this. In which case, it simply shows the hater/trolls inability to change/grow with others. And that isn't your problem, is it? Hope that helps.

It's not that bad, society doesn't really care if a man is bald. Often, it looks pretty good when you shave it... Wanna hear a story? I am a woman, and in 2017, when my autoimmune disease first started, all of the hair on the top of my head fell out. It was the first symptom before anything physical happened. Within three days, the whole top portion was gone in an alopecia areata pattern. So... I shaved it and went bald. I was so scared to do this, as woman. But... my head shape looked nice! It was an interesting experience. I enjoyed... not being bothered by men... and... not having my femininity on display, not having to worry about my worth being balanced by people who's opinions would never matter. If they wanted to Know me, they would have to See me. I felt protected. Filtered. And I felt noticed, because you don't usually see this in a woman, but very private as well. I kept it this way and within a year it grew back. I have been seriously contemplating within a year or two, doing this again - as a way to permanently let go of human/societal expectations of my femininity. As a process of becoming a monk/nun in a sense, of keeping myself for the divine and letting go of as many humanly concerns as I possibly can, aside from food, drink, shelter and family... I think femininity is a private thing, not something that needs to be turned into a spectacle for shallow viewers. Perhaps this is the same for men? Maybe the whole point of life is to learn to love yourself as you are and not to worry about how you look or what people think? The process of self love isn't easy, you bring it from within and carry it outwards until it radiates into everything, and hopefully... if done right... it should elevate you no matter what situation you find yourself in. And... it's just hair. I wouldn't wear a wig. Then you have to explain yourself when a woman expects you to be a certain way. present yourself as you are, if they don't like it, fuck 'm, move on. Chew on these lyrics for a few minutes: Come as you are, as you were As I want you to be As a friend, as a friend As an old enemy Take your time, hurry up Choice is yours, don't be late Take a rest as a friend As an old Memoria, memoria Memoria, memoria Come doused in mud, soaked in bleach As I want you to be As a trend, as a friend As an old Memoria, memoria Memoria, memoria And I swear that I don't have a gun No, I don't have a gun No, I don't have a gun Memoria, memoria Memoria, memoria

This sounds to me to be the alchemical material prima materia. First matter. I've had this exact experience a year and a half ago while going through fever/psychosis/active death process. When you "die" or begin to, the layers of reality start to unfold, and it is shown to be a clay-like material. Those who are especially adept are able to mold this in such a way that they can transform their entire reality. If you go far enough into it, you can not only lose your sense of self, but you can bring beings from the other side towards you - ones that exist just beyond this layer. This is the doorway, seeing into this material. You will need to be pure to be allowed access into using this substance. There are layers within layers and you can get shut out if you manifest things through hate or fear - always come at it with love. When you are in this state, you can create things not just for yourself, but change the entire structure of reality itself, and so you need to be mindful of this. Generally people can't get into the wiring of this without lifting themselves up - a light heart with good intentions. My journey has lead me to believe that self-love, one that transforms from within all the way into the outside world, will give you a purified, complete, unfiltered access to this if you return to it. https://aras.org/concordance/content/chaos-prima-materia The “treasure hard to attain,” whose presence was suspected in the dark prima materia, has been symbolized by the alchemists in various ways: Christopher of Paris, for instance, says that the chaos (as prima materia) is the work of all-wise nature. Our understanding (intellectus), aided by the “celestial and glowing spirit,” must transform this natural work of art-chaos into the celestial nature of the quintessence, and into the life-giving (vegetabilis) essence of heaven. The precious substance is potentially contained in this chaos as a massa confusa of all the elements rolled into one, and man must diligently apply his mind to it so that “our heaven” may come into reality (ad actum) https://aras.org/concordance/content/spirit-hidden-prima-materia The examples given in the last chapter show that there is a spirit hidden in the prima materia, just as there was in the Nile stone of Ostanes: This spirit was eventually interpreted as the Holy Ghost in accordance with the ancient tradition of the Nous swallowed up by the darkness while in the embrace of Physiswith this difference, however, that the devourer is not the supreme feminine principle, earth, but Nous in the form of Mercurius or the tail-eating Uroboros. In other words, the devourer is a sort of material earth-spirit, an hermaphrodite possessing a masculine-spiritual and a feminine-corporeal aspect. This clay-like material is used for manifestation, in true magic, in occult practices. You collect it, draw it into you, and See what you can make from it when you are adept at understanding its properties. "What is your substance, whereof are you made That millions of strange shadows on you tend? Since every one, hath every one, one shade, And you but one, can every shadow lend."

God, half this forum is a moderator at this point. Just give us all mod status/powers and see what happens: I'm sure everything will turn out alright, yeah.

I guess. I see your point there. I disagree, as science doesn't take into account consciousness and living forces of nature. Only things that people can observe collectively, rather than as the individual finding something out for themselves, which is the flaw in discussing these things as I can't transfer something which is not visible and observable by most people. It does. I became aware of what (some) of those were during my first awakening along with the reason for evolution. I would say, follow what feels true to you, but keep an open mind to it. Don't shut it out, but don't take my word for it if you don't see it or know it. I think... dead, honestly. Back to what I was before I was a human. Well, why wouldn't they be? Humans destroy things that are weaker than them, nut necessarily less wise. Think of the bully picking on the smart weak kid. Who knows where that karma went, maybe it is still floating around out there somewhere, or maybe on an even bigger scale, they needed to be wiped out in order to make room for something else to grow? I can't see that far up to know the entire story or why it is the way it is, I just know there is a plan, an archive of human activity, a system of feedback loops, living natural forces, and a system of judgement that processes your soul. But it doesn't get embedded. The advanced culture wipes the slate clean, they erode the histories of those people. See what whites did to the native Americans. They didn't incorporate the teachings, they tried to eradicate the culture completely by re-educating them. Same with what is happening to the Uyghurs in China - or missionaries that come into poor countries and convert. I don't agree, I don't think that the better always does. I think that humans are a baby species, and that there are better ways that we need to open up to. Honestly, it doesn't offend me at all. You've been such a good friend to me that not agreeing with me isn't going to just up and change my mind. It's normal, we are two different people with different lives and points of views and psychologies. Almost like a different species, you know? I would say... keep what works for you, you know? If you have not experienced it, that is fine. But it doesn't come in through daydreaming. For me, daydreaming is mental, you think about it - the alternative is a heart process, or I can see/feel these things in the environment. But I am also willing to let it go and just be wrong about everything. I do this often, where I just wipe everything clean and start with no-experience to fall back on - and these are the best times, because the same things that I speak of come right through, like a boomerang. And the more I follow them, the more they lead me to these truths that seem to be applicable to the development of even greater understanding, such as self-love, but for one's self - and the entire process as a whole. I don't feel like it is pushing me away from reality, I feel like it is giving me different components that over time come together to create a complete understanding that I might not have, but in two, five, ten years I could give a better answer. Keep your mind open, so that if there is a chance of something coming to you that will change your worldview, that it can, but my understanding is that these things are also tailor made for each person, so my path won't be yours, nor will my understandings. There's a lot of weird and interesting stuff out there. If you ever catch a glimpse of something, let me know!

What is it that you seek? In your mind, you must be it Shine your light when you see it Like the flame at the top of your head And to your mind, a light will find its way from heaven But once you find it, can't unwind it with your head on So listen to your heart and be the beat you're beating 'Cause nothing ever changes 'til it changes when you be it The one, the one, the one, the one You are the one Is it you? Is it me? What is God for a heathen? What's the God you believe in? Is it fame? Is it– (money, money, money, money, money, money) One cannot live on bread alone and you can feel it Something inside you pulling you into the feeling So listen to your heart and be the beat you're beating 'Cause nothing ever changes till it changes when you be it

This is a stereotype. I wanted to add - mentally ill/disabled people are human beings, they are not like dogs or cats. Sometimes these things are genetic, but more often than not I would argue that a good number of people who become ill later in life, or even who become criminals do so because of how society is structured. How can you call someone a drag on society, when it is society that is a drag on them? If society doesn't want people like this, they need to stop creating them. We live in a world where people are pigeonholed/treated like cattle and if you have a sensitivity or have the possibility to become ill, the structure of all of this can bring it out of you, these latent things that never would have activated. As someone in that spot - who would not have been mentally ill, or physically ill, if my family of origin was healthy, if society and the people in my life were stable, if society wasn't out to leech off of my life source at every opportunity, then I would have turned out being a dog trainer or an artist or something like that. It is often due to the luck of the draw - which family you end up in, how people treat you, how your body reacts to certain foods - even down to the wrong flu at a bad time can wake something up inside. Many of these ill people may even have spiritual gifts. A lot of times, latent spiritual talents can look like, or later on become mental illness due to how the collective handles them. In my experience, society creates these problems in you and then gets angry when you don't function properly, while simultaneously robbing you of the opportunity to do that. It's a very twisted system. If you have a problem and you do try to get it fixed, it's a complete clusterfuck to get anything done, and if you're dealing with illness on top of that, trying to manage that, along with your life. I think you could put people with problems in group settings, and most will begin to function very well with community. Even to the point of becoming well again, and able to go back to work, developing hobbies and so forth. I have been to a mental hospital three times and every time it was an eye opener that it is more than just the onus being put on the sick person - that with these systems and communities in place, within weeks to a month most of these people were talking to one another, back to their old selves, they felt seen and heard and normal around other people who struggle with the same issues - many of them started on, or returned to old hobbies. Once you get people like this into a structured environment - guarantee you, within a few months to a half a year, these people will be ready to contribute to society. We are not like "cats and dogs". P.S. - as far as being an asshole - you can't tell with people. If you are dealing with a sick person, or just a jerkoff. A "sick" asshole that is treated and becomes normalized is just that - a sick person. If you have never delt with psychosis or delusion, you wouldn't know - these people can be very out of touch and react in these ways, but they are damaged and need treatment. If you lump people together just based on a quick outer glance, then you don't get to the heart of the issue.

This conversation reminds me of a young man that I met in the hospital a few years ago, before I had my first awakening. We quickly became friends. He felt that he was Jesus and told me that part of his path was to take on the negative energy and transform it into love and that he would see crosses everywhere to lead him on his journey. I didn't believe him, but allowed him his opinions and perspectives. Another man had come to the conclusion that he was God, but I didn't really understand what either of them was saying until years later. It brings to light that these things seem to be so common among those who suffer or go mad, and I wonder why - that maybe modern life has prevented certain spiritual gifts from fully developing the way they were meant to be. I feel the darkness, too. It seems to be like a repetitive program that keeps me stuck in the same patterns of behaviour, away from love and into fear. As soon as my guide brought to light that I had this implant, my mind became overwhelmed with really horrific imagery, border lining on psychedelic with the way that it flows from one scene of carnage to the next. The more awareness I put there, the more visual and detailed it becomes, almost as if whatever is in there could come ripping out of my eye at any moment. But I don't feel afraid of it anymore. You seem to be a mystic to me, you have a lot of natural knowledge on these things that you've picked up from your own path, generally mystics/shamans pull it up from within themselves in such a way. The medication can set a person back, I had to go off of it due to weight gain and it was making my feet/face swell, so I quit three months ago and now everything is coming back up again. Medication is kind of, it works, but it can have its setbacks. For me, the weight gain was not stopping and I would have become obese if I stayed on it, there wasn't really a choice - but if it is helping you and you have a hard time without it, I would stick with it. A lot of people here don't agree with meds, but I have personally seen in the hospital a lot of people gain many benefits from being on them, it just depends on how your symptoms manifest for you. If I were to be on my own again, without family and support, I would go back on them and let go of my spiritual abilities - because they can make life harder to function. But due to having a decent support system, I am able to do what I need to do and am grateful for the allowance to progress... Thank you so much. I didn't know that you were that person. I kind of barely remember that username. If it was from a few years ago, I was in an emergency situation and was out of my mind and I was acting very... strangely, to say the least, so if I was weird towards you then I am sorry for that. There are some people that I was rude to, and most of them I have tried to communicate with so they know - and am still currently working on some of these behavioural problems from being in that situation, it was a prolonged psychosis for about seven years and near the end I just got very sick and maddened with it. I think, within a year's time, I should be over all of it, fully within self love and completely beyond any sense of bitterness or reactivity. This has been my main project so far. I still slide back into it, but it is getting less and less, so I imagine eventually there won't be any of it at all. For sure, you can take that not knowing and allow yourself to sit with that, and you can actually begin to see these laws unfolding on their own, without even needing to interpret them. I did that a few summers ago where I sat outside daily for two weeks, all day and just observed nature without touching it. My family lived in the forest and I began to see patterns within how things functioned. I do agree that they are complicated. I am only just beginning to scratch the surface, and I think that these laws go so deep that you would actually need to have an understanding of the natural world in a way that I wasn't raised with - like, you would need to be initiated into it and taught from a child like the way we teach children in school - daily lessons that have been collected and passed down. But we don't have that stuff in the modern world anymore. I don't think you can outsmart the universe, but you can come to work with it, to communicate with it - the universe wants humans to be aware of it through themselves, and that is one of the main points of evolution is to witness these things playing out. I don't think the universe is dumb at all, I think it is alive, with purpose and drive and very capable of creating amazing things. I'm doing my best to understand, but my key state is this: I don't know - if I hollow myself out with the lack of knowing, then this knowing will come into me of it's own accord. And if it is wrong, I don't hold it too tightly, I can let it go. And then... I do. I let it go, and it comes back again. I add this perspective along with complete death awareness, and a prying into my psychology and I will go at this for many hours at a time until something gives way. I think the main problem people have is that they don't have the time in their lives to sit and observe things the way I do. I have all the time in the world to crack this open all day every day and work on it until I drop dead. When you are able to sit with yourself uninterrupted like this, thing can start to work through you, the reason being they want to make themselves known. But whenever I access this state - it is as you say, the complexity behind it is so advanced, that I would have to be something else entirely to ever understand all that goes into it. They were wiped out due to encroachment and disease - humans are violent and territorial. Their ways did help them survive, but there is always a stronger culture that comes in and damages the progress they made. They hold a lot of value, in that the different worldviews that people have make up portions of reality that one single culture can't come to - due to restrictions in how they think. Your society/culture puts into you a certain way of viewing the world and that is hard to change. If we could take the best from every culture and blend this together, we would as a species have a more accurate understanding of reality. I agree with what you've written below, and I like that you're poking holes in this as your questions and concerns are ones that I have myself - I don't have many answers to these things, just some observations and moments of clarity, but if one were to get really detailed, as in, writing a few volumes on the process of societal change, I wouldn't know where to start or even how to articulate what I've seen in a way that could be used by most people. It simply isn't accessible to most people, which is the problem. It order to make these changes, people need to become aware of these energies and if a collective did this and we pooled all of our findings, then we would have the full scope. My experiences have lead to these exact questions - how do we change things when reality is so very complex? And the only answer that I got that seemed workable was to bring people back into a state of being able to work with nature instead of against it. If you look at the findings people have made through observation of nature's perfect designs, we could emulate this, and perhaps the more we do as a species, the farther we would get with putting together the whole puzzle. I'll bet it goes deep. I don't know, either. But I feel it, the laws of nature, and the things that keep watch over all of it - and they call out to me and tell me that humanity needs to seek better ways, that those ways are encoded within the design of mother nature.

Mmmn... hmmmn... I faintly remember experiencing a lot of love as a small girl, but once I hit about 7-9 years old, it started to fade. I think people love children because they are "cute" and sweet and dependent and simple, but many times as the child grows into an individual person, they do learn that human love is shallow, fickle and fading. When I was very little before my mother moved to a different state and forced my father to move away from us due to her anger issues - I had a complete family and a lot of cousins and a good support system - but about a year after I left, these things faded away as people moved on with their lives... it's hard to remember what love felt like as a child, I don't have a lot of experiences of it to fall back on. As an adult - aside from caring for animals and showering them with affection, I don't really feel the emotions of love for myself or others. Maybe a very fleeting infatuation that is gone as soon as it starts, or perhaps if I sit with a story about a character - I might develop an emotion for them in a controlled environment, as I can pick them up and put them down as I need to... but love... let's see... I remember, before my grandmother died of cancer at the age of five that she held me a lot and would push me on the swing on a tree in the backyard. She was very gentle, attentive and I got my needs to be held met from her until she passed on. Visiting my family at my uncle's wooden cabin the forest of Idaho, we all got together and had Christmas and it was one of the most amazing experiences, I remember it to this day - how it felt to watch the clouds fall behind those mountains, and back when my consciousness was pristine and things held wonder within them, it was almost a psychedelic religious experience - to be completely open in such a way... When my mom would buy me a kitten, when things were hard she gave her "love" by providing things like kittens, or big Christmases/birthdays and nice meals. She was never very warm, though and couldn't/wouldn't mirror my emotional needs - and so I was given a lot of objects and pets to compensate for this. I still feel love through a kind, thoughtful gift. When my dad would visit me on the weekends, before we moved out of state. I looked up to him as a "cool dad" and preferred his company. We would stay at a motel and watch movies and eat junk food and I enjoyed his company. Spending time with family in large gatherings - before we moved, I had three aunts, three uncles on either side of the family, a bunch of cousins, grandparents, and I loved it - our get togethers were fun and I felt supported, safe and adored. When I visited my dad in Arizona during the summer, my neighbor made me a stuffed animal. She acted more like a mother. Her husband knew that she liked my dad and because they fought all the time he would joke and say, "Here - Chuck you take her. She likes you. Go go go go." She would have made a good step mum ngl. The sunsets of Arizona. I would pine for God, as a child - and I felt love and a desire to go back to heaven. It became an obsession with the sky almost. I think, I felt the most love out of anything from this - and later on in my life as I unrolled my soul blueprint, I learned that this love of those skies was what I was supposed to follow through - that my strong unwavering faith was something that was clouded over and needed to be ripped open again.

That's what I'm wondering. I was in an odd spot a year and a half ago and allowed the suffering of man, the entire wave of it to enter into me and I felt the "first material" - or "Adam" "Atum" enter into me also, and it felt so natural that I sacrificed myself into it/him and offered myself up. I just... submitted, and I felt... placated. And now, today as I begin to work on Leo's self love video as I am instructed to do this in order to transmute the negative actions taken on me, and that I have taken as well - I am being given imagery of the sacrificial lamb - that I have to give in order to get, and that the price must be great. And so... I feel compelled to put my blood onto it once again, and to do my best to transmute what I can. Almost like... I can't stop myself, I feel made for it. It's like, once you make up the intention to transmute, to go into self love and change this - the weight of your soul becomes lighter and they change things for the better. I think, in order to make something of myself - to try and become something that had some value, that the only value I could see worthwhile was to become this archaic sacrificial thing that the world has not had much of. We used to understand the merit of give and take, and I don't think I really did until I realized how much I needed to give. "They are normally forced to take action to mitigate the energy similar to Jonah or they lose their gifting/peace." And it's like - if I don't do it, then I will lose the value of my soul, and my place in the afterlife, and my partner who is waiting for me there. "It got so bad the smell of death was all over the whole planet and I almost died several times and my mum got sick at the exact time with a horrendous illness. I swear I brought myself back from the dead by deep meditation. I’ve done everything I can to transmute this all." Oh no, I am so very, very sorry to hear that your mom passed away... So in some sense you predicted the death and your own illness right before? The smell of death, understanding and predicting death can be a sign of a shamanic initiation or something of that quality - perhaps a mystic. You have a lot of insight into the nature of these things that tells me that you were probably predestined for this path. You're one of the few people here that I can really relate to when it comes to doing this work, that I actually understand and I can tell that you have gone very deep with this and have put so much effort and heart into it. It can be hard to transmute all of it, it seems like sometimes too much can be put on people. Don't ever give up, though(!) - you have my full support. I read your work and I think you are doing really well. I know sometimes you struggle with yourself, but from what I can see you have really gathered a lot of valuable wisdom and I appreciate your presence here.