Loba

@lmfao Yessir. But what's more important is that there's these... Places people get stuck in. Like, mentally. And I'm back in it, but aware this time from trip reports so I got this. But it's everywhere, the reality or delusion idk which rn.

@lmfao I didn't approach, usually I'm approached, but I tend to react after an encounter. If it ends up being kind of weird. But I guess that's just common place for how people interact with one another and I didn't realize that because other people have experienced the same sort of behavior on other forums and we're telling me about that. The way they all fizzle out tends to be the way human cultures and cities and countries and pretty much everything that we do seems to work there's a period of growth and then a very long die off.

I had many Awakening experiences after leaving this place... That seems to be a common theme when a group of people because having a large group of people saying the same thing seems to paradigm lock one another and new information doesn't enter the system. I was really sick with fever dreams for like a year and a half, and I'm looking at salvia trip reports and they are all so similar to what I was experiencing that I feel like I have a comprehensive understanding of to some extent some sort of weird alternate dimension... At least I don't feel alone knowing other people have had the same intuitions/initiation. This place can be a strong paradigm lock if you are someone that is on some sort of alternate life path. The shamanic initiation requires that there is no previous knowledge put into the system before it sees what it's real for itself. Otherwise you override an archetype with your own archetype and it ends up not being pure. I don't know how to explain it but these spiritual circles I think can cause a lot of damage if you are an imaginative person. I joined another forum and they say that they have faced similar problems with their members so I'm not sure quite what to do about the fact that people can't seem to be satisfied with wherever they're at. Maybe there is no solution for that. Maybe there are just s*** heads and narcissists everywhere and it's just kind of like you have to just recognize that they're there and deal with it.

You go onto the next place depending on your emotional state and karma. It is complicated, I do not know how karma works. But emotionally a stressed person will create that because manifestation happens faster. A calm person will have a calm experience. Practice dying calm while alive and work on good karma, too and the next life will be better.

Shadow work, a lot of it. Entities will mess with reality like that when you start to wake up and become aware of them around you. They come in through psychological blind spots. Carl Jung is the best teacher for this kind of work, I would check him out. Your subconscious is becoming your reality and so you will need to learn to control it. The rules are different when this happens. Only you will be aware of it, each episode that people have like this is unique to them, but a large part of it is being able to be stronger than the entities through knowing yourself very well. Because everything is subjective, your subconscious can have blind spots that will present as entities, or sometimes will be. The rules of reality change when this happens. I don't know much about it, but I do know that shadow work heals psychological blind spots that might bleed through and the entities should leave over time. They can't latch onto what is in the light. Awareness.

*relishing a breath inward and then outward* Focus awareness on it until the outer environment looks illuminated and clear. God.

I just got done spending the past few days combing through as much as I can on salvia trip reports. I understand all of it, because during my shamanic initiation all of that reality bending stuff, all of it, I get it, I've been there. I've been trying to explain this place for a long, long, looooong time and I have it now. And all because I left this forum, it freed up my mind. Salvia has called me through weed. But you're not suppose to smoke salvia, just chew it, that's why people get messed up. Back to weed. Weed sends me on salvia-like trips, with entities, the wheel of eternity, karma, lady salvia, the shepardess, archetypes, jesters, the whole thing. I feel like I've just learned that I looked into the Deadlights and that's why I'm nuts. I went to the hospital for a trip I thought was insanity, but I was just unraveling reality; like an overlay. This is all some great cosmic show, a circus... how nuts. That's what's really nuts. It's just a show. The fabric of reality. I felt like I uncovered it and shouldn't have and the 'other world' these beings came from were not happy about it, like I uncovered reality too much... and... talked about how to uncover reality too much, and fortunately no one really noticed what I was saying anyways. This place paradigm locks people for sure. And weed is the bomb, you can gain so much from smoking it and contemplating. It's not a club drug. You want sativa w/ dabs. High concentrate on both, and bust through reality. Weed makes me so lucid that I remember I'm in a show, and there's an audience, but it's not here - archetypes/elves/jesters/archons/demons are playing with humanity like we are just little toys. Little balloons, so easily popable. The jester is a prominent archetype nearly everywhere. Black holes. Spaghettification. Salvia gravity... I get it. How reality, how time is like a bunch of photos being taken really, really fast and you can feel that? Lady Salvia is Kali, the angry mother archetype. Makes no sense, unless you've done Salvia, but somehow I just know all about this realm. I know how dark it can get, too. How angry... there are realms of pure hate; just like love that you can visit. I'll never look at factories the same way again. There is a veil of absolute insano-reality imagination-land right under this world, like it's there all the time. Weed works. ^This picture is like what those entities are and the balloon is how they view human life, popable, shapeable, into whatever, or like the scene from Rick and Morty when they play Roy's life.. They do look like of like lifeless toys. Or like this, but in feeling. Weed is great, you can get trips like this on weed... https://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=93317 I no longer fear death!

I agree, this place has changed. I'm gunna peace out for a year or more and see if the crowd has switched it up by then, maybe more healthy people here. Maybe Leo will do what he promised and ban people who are just using this place as a crutch and not doing the work; this whole community needs a fresh face. I've moved to an art community and am very happy there. No solipsism, and I don't have to read posts that are demeaning towards women as often as I do here, and the people are more healthy so it seems. This place... let me put it this way, I found saner people, better people in a mental facility than what is presented here as the typical Leo Gura follower. Leo, you need to take your followers... who is following you, seriously... if people are trauma bonding to your forum and not growing, then they're trauma bonded to you, and you should take the excruciating fault finding that you do in the women you date, and use that on who should and should not be following your work. All the good people have left or are leaving over the years. All that you will have left are people who are too messed up to be able to let go of a forum. That isn't spirituality. It's trauma bonding, and it's sad and kind of ... pathetic. I hope Leo finds a good woman soon so he can move his stage orange dating strategies to a more stage green place. Then perhaps his views on women might soften a bit. When he finds out that no one is perfect. I spent some time thinking on this... if I was in a workplace setting, would I allow myself to stay in this environment or would I find a new job? If this crowd was considered my co-workers? I would find a new job... I should treat such places the same. I had initially wanted to spend a few years growing my art hobby and giving back to this community by doing works of art pro bono for people who are in emotional/financial/spiritual turmoil - just to help - but the energy here has never really... deserved my time. I could be spending this on cancer patients or volunteering my art elsewhere in a more emotionally robust community and work on my spirituality in my own time. A lot of people here have taken on Leo's path... and not the path of memento mori, which should be included in work, because we have souls... there's so much missing when it comes to spiritual wildlife, siddhis, shamanism, ect, ect from here and has turned into a place where people just do a lot of drugs and hope that will give them what they need. I don't think God would have it this way, that a drug up the butt would be your salvation.... I think there's more grace to it than what is seen... I think there's probably comedy in doing something like that; such as developing narcissism, which is what solipsists are, essentially. I think this place set me back in my journey and I am going to do my spirituality on my own, and find friends who are artistic and crafty somewhere better.... A lot of people have mentioned the same things over the years, you have the more sensitive people who leave because this place is just not friendly. It isn't heart-centered. I've been gaslit a lot here... and I don't like it. I don't like that you can't stick up for yourself, that people who do wrong by this community are not removed quicker than they should be. So... okay. Keep the trauma bonded personality disordered, and I will take my value, my art, my time, and pool it all into a community that deserves it. This place is whack.

Bunny! I took my totem animal and added everywhere I want to go when I am in heaven, how I want to present my "room" so to speak. I like the idea of taking a spirit animal, and adding what you want to it to signify what you will create once free from this flesh form. I will add to it when I find new landscapes that look like something I would like to experience, so it will over time take a more patchwork look to it. "Take me to Heaven!"

I knew you weren't, but didn't care. You'll get there someday, your heart is in the right place. Good luck.

I like to get a really pretty picture and look at it for ten minutes and send love and gratitude that such places exist and that right now, as I look at this picture, it is all for me. I am a witness to such magnificent beauty! When you do this, you start to see it in your environment as well. This is a strong pathway towards having awakenings and is a great tool to use. Sending gratitude and love outwards tends to your bubble of perception, it is like a salve for bad times, it brings better things into your life and you'll start to notice small things to be grateful for. Think like a photographer when looking for gratitude in the world. You are taking "snapshots of gratitude" wherever you can. Gratitude is one of the best ways to change your entire perception. ^ Grateful, loving faces.

Leo, if you say it is pathetic that the guy can't make a girl cum, then why do you break it off with the girl if she can't? I haven't had an orgasm with a guy before, but I can do it on my own. Most girls can give themselves orgasms. I dated a guy once who expected this from me and I broke it off with him because he expected that I should do it timed at the same time he did. Just the expectation was enough to turn me off 100 percent. There are so many things that make people valuable, not just the ability to cum. What if there is a girl out there who isn't perfect, but is perfect enough for you and you'll never know because your standards are too high? What if a little bit of pain and struggle is what makes it worth it? Why look for smooth sailing all the time?

@Leo Gura What if a girl was messed up but she like was talented? I'm not there yet, but I plan on being super talented in at least two years' time, with the ability to convey God in visual forms. Not looking to date actually, but I'm just kind of curious about the value of an artist's hand. I have ideas that within a few years I think I could make into really interesting works of art. Is it really for some people that a little thing like that would be a deal breaker?

This is something you will have to experience for yourself. If people give you ideas beforehand that could be detrimental. Go into the fear of death with appreciation for what is around you, the little things while also doing self inquiry and be as honest as possible. This will remove the layers of the ego and you can then experience awakenings that will give you personalized answers as to what happens after death. Memento mori, it is called, contemplating one's own death, a very good spiritual practice.

I would not because I do not know what would happen - butterfly effect - we at least know what happens with this timeline. My spiritual experiences nod towards there being a plan of some sort - and I don't know better than what that plan would be so I would not mess with it.

I'd say that flow created genuine happiness and this happiness is generated by having enough experience to feel confident in what you are doing. You need both, it can't be one or the other.

No, I don't feel deserving. I've opted not to date because I don't think I could give another person what they need. The whole point of a relationship is to put investments into a love bank, through actions, and to take little out. I can't do that. I require too much and the only thing I have to offer is art; I can make art out of my "feels" and do that, but you have to be a certain type of person to appreciate that sort of thing. I tend to need a lot of alone time and am shy about sex and need to work on my self esteem first by taking care of myself a little better; I am coming out of a years long psychotic episode as well. I did not put in the work in my younger years, either, due to being in a bad relationship and then getting sick with an autoimmune disease in my mid 20's - the dice just does not go in that direction. Plus, I act out due to trauma and I don't have the tools quite yet to remain objective when I should be. What I feel on the matter is that I know how I visualize myself being in a relationship is not the same as what I do or get. But what I imagine is closer to who I am; if I can't be who I am in a relationship, then the craving for one doesn't make sense, in that... what I will get or what will result will be something negative. But, if you have karma then you have multiple lives. You have to clear it in order to move on fully, and I have karma around this topic, so I think that if I just work on the karma in this life, then the next will be very loving. I don't think awareness goes down, I think it keep expanding, so I have taken many lessons and have a deep awareness of my problems that I can work on correcting - the next life will be what I want it to be and authentically as well. I am deserving of good friends, though, because I make a good friend. I need to work on reaching out and communicating more often and tend to space this out so people may not think I make a good friend initially because they have to put in more work to get to know me, but I am loyal and I don't lie and I have enough energy for the "friend bank" of interaction without it devolving into something negative. I have a natural empathy, I can really bond with people very deeply and I like to make gifts and do things for others. I just don't reach out enough or don't always know what to say. I am the type of friend that you can do projects with, where there is connection without a lot of need for talking all the time. I like friendships where there's music in the background and both people are working either together on a craft or their own thing, but in the same space. My friendships fizzled out when I got really sick in my mid-20's, but before then I had managed to keep them for more than a decade. But my behaviour got strange and I became a hermit and so they had moved on, understandably. But now that I am on the mend, my mind is coming back online, I have the extra energy for a few small, close friendships - not too many. Just a few. I will practice doing artwork for them. That way, if I am not talking all the time, then the artwork can demonstrate that they are on my mind and I am putting in the work. Even if I may have spaced out getting in touch, or got nervous and didn't get around to it. I want to invite crafty people into my life, crafts of all sorts, and to create the space to work on that. The feeling of doing something within another's space, without words or the need to entertain one another, music and some drinks, a bit of weed or coffee, depending on what one needs to get going. I thrive on input about my art, and I may not see something a certain way that another person sees that would change everything. Art is hard to do in a glass bubble. You need input and new ideas. And even how you see things, that has to morph around and change as you work on stuff.

The Giver by Lois Lowry and what Rilles said. Perhaps a gift basket with all the things in it that you remember that he likes?

I don't believe that is true, and that has not been true in my direct experience.

I don't believe we've ever spoken, but sorry to see you go. Sometimes people on the spiritual journey can view mental illness as a path gone wrong, rather than a unique path unto itself so I understand your feelings as someone with bipolar as well. Your journey is valid; but perhaps people here are placing limits on you not to hurt you, but to help you. Sometimes containment is a good thing, you know? I think there is probably a middle ground here, that your feelings are valid, but that posts here also have to have a certain amount of information/quality to them to maintain integrity of the forum as this is a place of sharing knowledge and mutual growth. What I am trying to say is, I feel that sometimes people get the wrong impression of those with mental illness on the path, but also, that the threads probably didn't need to be there - I don't think they were up to par with what this forum is trying to go for. They felt to me more like journal posts. There is the option of making a journal, too and you can share anything you would like; so it isn't like you are being barred from posting - just that certain posts go in certain places and that you'll have to use your intuition to decide in the future which goes where a little better. It's really no big deal and nothing that you would need to leave this place over. You're totally welcome here. I love that this place has people who are on all sorts of different journeys. Don't peace out just 'cause of one thread - I've had people put limits on my threads before, too. It can feel really annoying in the moment, but there is always an alternative. Come journal with us! Muahahah.

I found it helpful to get a diagnosis because I kept getting sick, and couldn't understand why, and when I got my bipolar diagnosis this made sense to me; the mood issues, the sleep cycle problems, memory issues, delusions and whatnot, spiritual episodes in between. So this helped me get on the right medication and once I did, my mind has been slowly coming back online again, like from a long, long sleep. I kept internalizing my lack of progress as something against me, and didn't know that I was so sick until it all blew up in my face and I had to go to the hospital, twice, and there, under observation they were able to give me the right diagnosis. Different things require different measures in order to heal from them, and it is important to get it right. It can take a long time. I trust the diagnosis from the hospital because they had a month and a half to see my behaviour and monitor it as opposed to a quick visit or two and taking a test or something like that. It is better to know what is going on than to not know and self diagnose anyways. But make sure it comes from somewhere where they have a chance to get to know you first because if not, it's just like crossing off a check list for them. Before I got my bipolar 1 diagnosis they gave me: OCD, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, ADD, BPD...blahblahblahdisorder, ect, ect... Each person had a new diagnosis. But the hospitals both had the time to see over a period of time what it was. Psychology is tricky like that because it is not an exact science.

I had an NDE back in '16, after going through the fear of death and finding God, I was alone and sick for a long time, and my experience indicated more like a carbonation. All one thing, but playing infinite ways, different souls all singing together, past, present and future, all at once and always was. It is a profound connection. I don't think it is solipsism, I think there is more and to get to it involves dealing with shamanic perspectives and digging into death in a very real way rather than psychedelics. I think death is another path that can provide you with a lot of answers and should not be overlooked. I have a feeling that just the path of substances is simply not enough, it's a profound unison that is choral in nature almost, vibratory, singing, it's a unity that isn't lonely because it is filled with itself, and it seeks to know itself through the perceptions of all its creations. Listen to this song, this is how I learned about choral unity. It was like, a bunch of angels all singing their praises to the Light, but it was all of us, everything in perfect order, perfectly planned. All connected. Like a good song.

@Adodd I would just keep at it, do your best, ignore comments here that don't resonate and keep chipping away at it as best you can. I have a few people in my life I need to forgive, too, it takes time. Child abuse is one of those things though that even I still have a hard time with; I can forgive a lot, but children have fragile psyches and need to be treated with care at all times and it is hard to forgive someone when they damage that, intentionally or not, because of the work it takes to undo, and the lack of really solid explanation you can give at that age. The good thing is they have a mother figure in their lives right now that does the role properly, and a lot can be undone by having that genuine motherly presence. Just keep doing your best and know you're on the right track. Good luck, I'm really sorry to hear that happened to your little ones. Not cool.

"Dead" nonlocalized personalities that have learned that material is mind and all is Love and seek to spread this message with humans. "Machine elves" "spirits" "deities" - they are all the same thing, different consciousnesses that have evolved in different ways, but have no body except what is made of light and love. We are that, too when we die, depending on how much we know. You might get sent back or you will grow closer to the center, or depending on karma, end up farther away. Different religions talk about this, how consciousness is like a gradation from that centre, with infinite variation - it is in those variations that you find different spiritual wildlife as I call it. You do it through contemplation, absolute honesty, the "hollow bone" state, expect nothing, and give love outwards, feel it in your body, and you are more likely to channel things/find angels. Keep an open mind and look for clues that can lead you closer towards them, they always give out clues in your environment. If you do not know how to look for clues, check out Jung, his active imagination technique is pretty good.. "Be not afraid..."