Loba

What is a tulpa, is it it's own being/soul/entity or is it a part of you/ your personality structure - in the sense... do you create it like a parent creates a child and then let it loose, or does it create itself?... or is it a spirit all unto itself that was at some point alive - or is it a completely different entity? I love this kind of stuff and I find it so fascinating. I work with two beings - Kali Ma, who is a goddess and an archetype, and "the Wolf" who is an archetype and a machine elf. He doesn't have a name and prefers to go by 'Wolf' and we have a long history - it would take away from your thread to write about what he is and I am much more interested in your tulpa - I have not gone through this thread yet so if you could give me a quick synopsis, that would be so cool. I love that other people here like you have these experiences as well, it normalizes them and brings something interesting to the otherwise sometimes stale normal nonduality nomenclature. These are my two guides: Kali and Wolf:

@Vido Yeah death is the big one, but you don't have to face it all at once if you don't wanna. Depends on where you are at, it is hard to me to gage that on this forum. I know exactly what you mean about postponing certain things until "the next day", lol! It totally is like mental gymnastics, a lot of this stuff is counter intuitive. I get it, that episode hit me like a ton of bricks - it was great.

@Vido Are you having problems with your weight? I have been too, I started medication and I shot up to like, 50 more pounds in three months and so I have been on a calorie restrictive diet for two weeks now and plan to work out for an hour a day once I gain access to my exercise equipment. TBH I like being slightly chubby more - I hope to be fit and also thicc. What sort of problems are you having revolving around food? Where do you think it might have stemmed from? What prevents you from looking at your weight and loving yourself anyways? I would question it all and look into it, along with the fear of death and see what comes from it.

It's death, this is the main fear that all other fears stem from, and so by looking into this - many of your other fears should fade away over time. It's hard, it takes a while to get over the fear, I still have a lot of fears of death even after many awakenings into Love and safety - I still worry, like - what if I have done something karmically wrong, will that affect everything else? How important is this life - that I work through these things, will it fix things for others now and in the "afterlife" - or what? I found that by going into the fear of death and looking at it directly, that I gained a lot of insight into myself and this was the cleanest and clearest path for me to lay down my ego - at the end of the day I am just a frightened, nervous animal. But I want to be brave, and strong and experience freedom from life - I want to be loving, good, generous and free from the limitations I have put on myself. When I run from truth, it is always the fear of death down at its core. I wish I could share with you directly how much benefit I got from going through these fears; it really did change my life for the better so if you are experiencing a hard time looking at truth and feeling fear of it, I would take up the practice of memento mori, which is writing about and contemplating your own death and the nature of it. Looking into your fears, and being honest about them is one of the best spiritual practices you could do for yourself. I plan on taking the time to dissect this particular episode Leo has done tomorrow and Tuesday and see if I can't root out much of the underlying bullshit. There's a lot of bullshit... I'm a neervous hooman. It is quite a paradox, because looking into death - you will find the most life and the most Love. The fear is a lie - but it takes a bit of work, like learning to ride a bike, to look at the face of death directly and not to be afraid. Honestly, I don't know how people do it, but I find it to be fascinating. Courage is admirable. Leo's video on memento mori, this has been one of his most helpful vids for me in overcoming my fears, maybe it will help you to? GL!

Spirituality has helped me in so many ways, I feel happier, healthier, freer and more clear. I feel safer knowing that I don't die, I feel blessed that I had an awakening before understanding spirituality - that it literally called to me in my time of need and is always there - God; my guides as well - and that even though I might still have a ways to go when it comes to understanding, I understand so much more than I ever thought I could - I can read Sri Aurobindo and actually understand, whereas before 6 years ago, I never would have understood. If spirituality did not exist, if consciousness was purely material, then I don't know where I would be. I never would have looked for this stuff on my own, it came to me. I feel as though it has saved me from a life of fear, meaninglessness, lovelessness and lack and given me something to look forward to. Whatever powers that be thought that my life was worth saving and that I was deserving to know that there was more and I am humbled and grateful for the opportunity, when so many people out there who are lost, are never given a glimpse of hope. I'm no better than any of them. I hit the jackpot. I won the lottery. I was sick and suffering and God was there for me, Kali was there for me, the Wolf was there for me - I won the "game". I fought for a sense of truth tooth and nail, and came out victorious. I went into the belly of the beast, into death itself, and came back unscathed. I am an ordinary person, a no body, and yet I received a blessing, a Knowing and a sense of peace when I needed it the most. I feel as though my soul has been saved. That I was drowning and suffocating and the goodness of God pulled me out and resuscitated my near-corpse. The things spirituality has done for me, no person has ever done in the way that it has - it gave me my everything. My sense of reason for being, my sense of imagination and wonder restored, my curiosity and an entirely new interest that has so much depth to it that I could just learn about it forever and ever and barely scratch the surface. I don't deserve what spirituality has done for me. There are much better people in the world who have gotten less than a person like me. If God could save someone such as myself - then it is a testament to the goodness of God. All I had to do was look at myself with honesty, and God did the rest. It was like my entire life was built and planned just to see, just for that moment - that I had been "chosen". And I had. And so are you guys. Not a lot of people get these kinds of chances in life, to learn and to Know in the way that we get. It is a gift that should never be squandered. I would say that the cons are that sometimes it can be hard to determine an awakening from a delusion. I have followed myself into clarity as well as into insanity going down the same road, with completely different results.

My problem is just the sensation, weird sensations like that are hard to handle, but I need to do it anyways. Like, I can't use an electric toothbrush it just, it tickles like getting my feet tickles or something - it's annoying beyond reason, it makes my whole face tickle. So I want to brush twice a day as well, just to get this grooming stuff covered in the mornings so that my body feels better and if I have to go somewhere I am ready to go - that early morning preparedness will make the rest of the day run properly. It's important to floss, I want perfect gum health and want to spend the next year reducing inflammation via diet, exercise and fixing anything that is inflamed, and my gums bleed when I do floss so this tells me that I should do it more often. I have the string floss, but I'll buy some picks - my mom uses the picks and prefers them - and I'll probably floss more often if it is more convenient.

work/study: I don't work at the moment. I have in the past, but when my mental disorder started getting worse I quit work and have not worked for about seven years. I tried to heal myself with spirituality for almost 6 of those years and simply could not do it. I do study every day, even though I am not in school, as someone who is naturally curious I find that I must/like to be learning new things all the time or I get bored very easily. I have to be drawing, or working with my hands, or reading or doing something while awake... I hate watching t.v. and just sitting there without introspection or something. Sometimes this can be a hindrance to just sitting still for a while, though. I plan to get myself mentally healthy enough to start part-time work and that is my goal for 2022. I am keeping my goals realistic, for what I am dealing with. emotional intelligence: My emotional intelligence has improved quite a lot this year compared to previous years, where I had kept a lot of bitterness, now I can let things go. I have forgiven a lot of people and can hold space for others and am more friendly and outgoing. There is still a ways to go with this, as emotional intelligence isn't my strongest gift and generally I am not always sure how I am feeling. social life: My social life could use improvement, but the thing is I am very introverted and kind of awkward initially. I used to have friends, but when my mental health got bad, I did not treat them well and they either left - or they betrayed me and did actions that were not good for me, either. Most of them were high school friends, and we outgrew one another. This was about 8 - 6 years ago; and there is nothing that we would have in common anymore, although I probably would get along with some of them as I am now better than I did then as I am much more self aware, more informed, more emotionally intelligent and spiritually developed - I can set boundaries and decide for myself, whereas in the past I did not and let it get out of hand and I would then get angry - holding it all in - and sometimes explode on them. Their actions were not kind and so they "deserved" it - but it ended up making me wallow in the mud with them, thus not making me much better - and then making my protests no longer coming from the high ground. The thing is, I don't want a bunch of friends, I don't like to have to manage interacting with a lot of people. I find a lot of things people do to be boring. I like to be busy with my hobbies, listening to music or imagining. I plan on making some friends in a year or two after I work on some emotional stuff first for the year 2022. I'll make maybe four or five friends and that is all I can handle - all I can offer my time to. They will be treated well, but first I need to work on some things emotionally, have a few more awakenings, and get a bit busier with my life so that I have things going on for myself. relationships/sex life: I'm not looking right now, and wasn't this year - after attempting to get to know someone in 2020 and it ending in arguments, followed by a rehash of the exact same behaviour ... yet again, I still need to work on myself before I can do that. I need to develop confidence, self love and build for myself a daily schedule that I can put my time focusing on, and my meds need a year or two of working; adjustments and stuff, I want to be sure I don't get delusional while in a relationship because that's, well, it is embarrassing when that happens. I plan on trying mushrooms this summer and to do some serious introspection this year to weed out some family and previous relationship baggage first - I want to leave all of that at the door and not bring it with me; I want to have some things going for me in terms of what I want to be doing for myself so that a relationship doesn't end up being the only thing I focus on or spend time on, I want to keep my sense of self and ability to work on my path and make sure that I am remaining authentic to myself, and I need to have the extra space in order to hold space for someone and I don't have the extra space mentally right now. I have never had a positive relationship, and I would like to experience that someday. I don't want... like, forever. I just want day by day, each day, a bit of improvement, add time into it, and go from there but I need to mature and individuate first or I will become too attached in the wrong ways, or too little and then too much interested, back and forth like that - I don't have that stable space from which to create something and the whole point of relationships is to hold that space and add to it, so that it creates kind of like a "bank account", or "third entity" of action, that over time becomes fluid and is generated on trust and love - I know how to do that internally - on paper - but not in reality. So this is something I will work towards, but won't be ready for for another year or two. I might seek a therapist when I find a relationship and then have the therapist help me build that space - and help me navigate my traumas and stuff. I don't want a "therapist partner" and I don't want to get lost in another person and lose my sense of self. Individuality is very important. I've learned all this in 2012, whereas before I wouldn't even know what I want or be able to articulate this. It took a lot of self reflection to get to this point, and this is just the beginning. There's still the "have to go through and re-live the trauma and make it right with myself" point - that's where the therapist will come in. I need a neutral third party to basically show me how to love another human properly because my family is dysfunctional and did not teach me these things and they spread to me. family: My relationship with my family has improved tenfold after going on bipolar medication. I used to fight with them all the time and I would be paranoid, or if they asked me to do something around the house I didn't have the ability to switch gears and would just get pissy. I can voice my needs easier now and we are more respectful towards one another. My bipolar got really bad. I was either manic or catatonic. So I moved back in with them because I need to work on developing, basically, a productive day that can move me forward. And the things I had avoided learning for myself all hit me like a ton of bricks - and so I still need them. I can't do it all on my own. I wish I could. So we all worked together, I helped them out, and we moved into a new home and we love it. My family can retire here and my brother and I will inherit the home when they pass away. I feel safe now, whereas earlier this year I was living in paranoid fear, delusion and anger and it felt like my mind was "on fire" - now things feel like, calmer, more peaceful. I feel hopeful for the future and don't feel scared that I will end up homeless, or mentally ill beyond repair. I learned that with a support system, I can grow and that it is okay to ask for help and I learned that if you have Bipolar 1 - the more severe type - that you have to stay on meds. Spirituality will not fix a brain chemistry that is so messed up that it makes you catatonic. It just won't. self-development/spirituality: I need to do better in the self-development department. As I mentioned, the mental illness took away my motivation to even take care of myself. But I did learn what I need to be doing in order to grow based off of what was not working for me ands so now I know what I need to do to develop myself, and I can see where my limitations are. I don't feel manically grandiose anymore, either, I can see my skillset for where it is. Spiritually, I grew the most this year. I've had two hospitalizations that proved to be very helpful, and many awakenings that have shown me things about myself that I did not know. Both good and bad. I learned what the entity that I have been working with is, I was able to move it towards the path of light, I learned that my experiences were so intense that they were like a long salvia trip of feverish delusion. My autoimmune disease flared up around March, and continued for a few months and during this time I had many fever-awakenings that gave me insight into what happens after death. I was literally preparing for my death, I thought I couldn't handle myself. I didn't think anyone would come to help, and I could "move" myself. I tried reaching out to people on YouTube and got delusionally attached and also paranoid about them - just like you'd expect from someone with these sorts of issues - I had to play out the entire spectrum of karma with this person, in order to then see what I needed to work on. I am like a new person in a lot of respects, but there is still a long ways to go and there is so much room for improvement. This was a year of learning about, and conquering the fear of death, and it was about accepting my mental illnesses instead of running from them and pretending that I was okay, and could fix myself on my own without any support at all. I tried to hide it for a long time, and it all came crashing down when I needed those hospital stays to stabilize. I saw how the medication actually really DID HELP PEOPLE WHO ARE SICK. I saw them, within weeks, recover in very good ways, and that those who were delusional, or catatonic or schizophrenic, got better. They did! The only thing that was a failure was the lack of allowing spirituality, because a lot of people were having spiritual symptoms as well and were told those were delusions. I have done enough work to be able to tell the difference... usually, but plan to do much more work so that I never, ever.... hopefully, end up with another one again. My goals for this upcoming year are to simply find part-time work, to lose the weigh the meds made me gain through working out, and to do a morning routine that should then set the stage for busier, more eventful days. I want to start small and give myself goals that I will actually be able to finish. Before being medicated, I would get manic and think I could do all these things that I could not do - and then would crash and couldn't move and I would be paralyzed by fear and emotional anguish that is rooted in trauma, but the illness seemed to magnify it and I couldn't step back far enough from my emotions to work on it. Now I can. I plan do that this year as well. I've been doing a lot more art, lately as well. When sick, I stop my favorite hobbies. My goal is basically to "get a life". Literally. Build a daily routine over the next few years that will get me through and just maintain it. After developing a morning routine for a year and working for just two days a week, I can add onto that the next year, and add a nightly routine, and then the year after that, something else, that is small but life changing and do-able. This whole year has been one of intense karmic growth.

Ugh... teeth brushing, I hate it... I hate the sensations of the brush, but I need to do better with this anyways - I brush only once a day before bed - and don't floss. This thread is a good reminder that when I start my morning routine this year to add flossing to the mix.

I 'think' possibly... now I'm not sure, but my interpretations is: what all of that means is that after death the imagination and karma make up what environment you create for yourself - and so Jesus wanted to give a way to clear people of that karma and give them something unified to believe in so that souls would have a pathway to higher realms of being after death i.e. heaven. Beyond that, I don't really know.

@tashadwoodfall I would just do a bunch of research beforehand to help you learn what state you'll be going into so you're ready for it as much as you can be. You're so lucky, I really wanna try this stuff someday, too. It could be life changing in the best of ways. Good luck! As for other peeps, she has been a part of this forum for years, I'm sure she knows what's up.

Have not done big 5 in a while. Openness - 85 percent Contentious - 12.5 percent Extraversion - 23 percent Agreeableness - 50 percent Neuroticism - 79 percent Extraversion and neuroticism have gotten better - more extroversion, less neuroticism, I am less agreeable, with about the same amount of contentiousness and openness.

I don't have much experience dating - got into an on and off again relationship in my 20's for ten years... but... when I would date, or get messages, I tend to reply to them less online/text - not because I am trying to be rude but just because I'm not in the right place for that stuff and never felt in the right place except for that guy because he was familiar to me. Could be how other girls feel, too, either not the right time, right setting, or they just aren't attracted. Attraction is hard, I never realized how hard it is. (That's what she said.) I have my mental red flag list that I run through if I need to... so I will be polite, but at the same time, I have gotten into bad relationships, so my scanner is quite active for those flags in other people whereas it might not have been had the relationship been a healthy one - and it was on him, he gave me trust issues. But when it is face to face I will tend to say yes out of a fawn response, which isn't a good thing, because people can't pick up on it I sound so sincere - it's better just to say no and be upfront. I'll bet there are a lot of reasons for why things don't work out and that it has less to do with anything that has to do with you personally, so don't take it to heart. Us girls are finicky, nervous sometimes. Or we want to be nice and don't want to hurt people's feelings - that's why I mention my responses because they wouldn't generally have to do with the man; but my own psychology, and I think a lot of people will have a lot of reasons for why they do what they do and it isn't personal. Many women don't reject because it's personal, usually, they will often have good reasons for it.

Pretty Lion.

How did it help with your physical symptoms? I feel as though I could inquire into my beliefs semi-easily enough depending on the day, but I just don't know if there is a solution to the mishmash of sensory data. I'm going to do a week long weed trip this upcoming Monday to try and work through some things, with a strong sativa strain and I'll be alone, away from all family for that time. I'll give this a little more thought when my mind is open a bit more to it, it's just that, aside from psychedelics, I feel as though I have tried a lot of things, albeit not giving it my all, which might be what is necessary. I'll need to look within and find out how to activate that again. I live in Seattle area, where shrooms grow naturally, so I might spend this year just learning to identify mushrooms and go for a lot of hikes in the woods/parks next year - get some other things in order first for '22 - so the trip is worthwhile. I could probably negate a bad trip just by getting some life stuff sorted before I do the trip. Then I can ride on the wave of a few accomplishments here and there; my ego or karma might be less dense - thus less likely for a bad trip. I would listen to some music for sure, maybe a repetitive shamanic drum beat. I'm ready for another awakening soon, it should happen sometime this upcoming week if I'm honest enough with myself. I can follow what you're saying - how long did it take for you to integrate it?

Yeah I guess that's the thing is that you have to treat it when really young, and I have heard that works. I think I remember someone mentioning it, possibly him. I do get the vibe that he might - I can kind of pick up on that stuff, like if someone has autism I can often sense similarities. Some of the things he mentions, autistic people deal with, like food sensitivities, being sensitive to cold, being extremely introverted and having very strong, all encompassing hobbies - I think he was probably much different in some says before starting self development and this is just speculation, but perhaps went into it initially to fix some of these things that can happen if you are born with HFA. Plus he is also a genius, and a bit little awkward and sometimes says stuff that is insensitive and doesn't know, and when I envision someone who is gifted; extreme introvert; had to do a lot of social work on themselves; had a hard time finding someone until much older - there is also kind of a look autists can get, when he was younger he looked like he was more in his mind and less in his body. When you also equate the fact that HFA and genius often go hand in hand - and that a large percentage of gifted people are autistic this is also a clue. Plus he likes cats and took care of a pet like it was his child and many autistic people will bond very strongly to their pets - especially cats because cats are very similar in temperament/body and emotional sensitivity. Plus he has a childlike side to him that he has retained and some of the comments he makes are very absolute - which is also an autistic trait. But I could be remembering wrong. I wish I could remember where I heard it from. And I feel like more than one person told me this.

I think it depends on the dream. If you go to another dimension or astral project while dreaming, then those realms stay - and some people do this while they dream, however most dreams are not like that - they are just vivid movies and disappear when you wake up and there is no trace other than a memory. However, you could be having memories of where you came from, too. Like, previous experiences of being in your "true self" after death. Because after death your soul spreads out - it "opens" and you can remember your other lives and stuff. The dream world can also act as an initiatory place to learn spiritual gifts, such as manifestation with your Will. Shamans and healers often have initiatory dreams like this. Are you having a lot of dreams or just one in particular? Do they have a deja vu feeling to them? Any synchronicities in the real world? Follow your intuition as well, I can't tell you which category your dream might be in, that is for you to decide. They can mean a lot of things.

@Judy2 I haven't gotten to pure no-one-here just yet, albeit a few times of that near emptiness - there is still a me when this happens, but not quite as thick - but much more environmentally aware - bodily aware - I also experience souls when I have awakenings, like a grape cluster or something, and once I experienced the wheel that people talk about sometimes - the sensation of a gravity pulling me in like a black hole, I guess the singularity. And that, which we are all made of - that kind of feels like a carbonated beverage as well, the little soda bubbles being the souls - in the "soup" of awareness. A lot of people here don't experience souls, so I am waiting and creating room for some of the similar experiences people have here to happen to me to compare to what I have had, and then I can probably bridge the gap easily enough. Maybe with a psychedelic in the future. Once I "get it", I can go back to it, but I don't have a reference point for some of it quite yet. You can still have an experience of God and of there not being death, with the ego still there to witness it all, but it kind of sits in the backseat and doesn't get the chance to colour anything in - until it is over and I come back to my body/ego. In my experience, death and God go hand in hand, in how people approach death - going through the fear of it, and also giving love keeps the heart open, and helps them make room to witness God (still have not had the I am God experience yet, either.)

Yes, you can go through the fear of it in the present moment with the absolute intention to sit all the way through the fear, and you follow it with courage and inquire into anything that gets in the way, and then you can have an awakening and you'll learn that death doesn't exist. But, you can also use Love, and to give appreciation and gratitude for life, and humility and you can use the same thing - inquire - and it will give you an awakening. You can also mix going through death - memento mori - while adding Love to it, that mixture can give good results, too.

@Nos7algiK That's amazing. And the results lasted for you? I remember when I did mushrooms with friends, before I knew of their healing properties, I remember how the room to our apartment looked "whole and complete" and I could focus on the entire room instead of having to cut my awareness up - and the objects had more of a silent presence about them and I felt as though that is probably how a neurotypical feels. Sometimes if I get a light buzz on alcohol I'll feel normal, but drinking often isn't really my thing and isn't a feasible option. I always went back to my baseline state, but I was also young and would trip differently now if I had access to psychedelics and maybe therein lies the difference.

@Raptorsin7 Teal deer: explaining why autism can't be cured but can be managed: I can transcend the behavioural stuff and have been, but my sensory overload, probably not as it is related to the nervous system and how the brain deals with new information coming in. I could be present in the moment, but the sensory overload would still be there because it is a disorder that has physical and not just mental symptoms. I mean, there really isn't much that can be done - I use headphones when on the bus to manage it, and try to make sure that I live and exist in quiet, structured environments so that overload doesn't sneak up on me. But like, if noises in the city are too loud, then it also affects my eyesight and I can't see as well, it all becomes a blur - so I have to cover up one sense - my ears - to focus on all that is around me as far as sight goes. This helps, because if I don't manage it, then it feels like if someone is tickling you, to the point where it hurts and drives you crazy - the nervous system is just too hypersensitive. Meds help as well, so does a good diet and lack of stress, and a sleep schedule - and I plan to start a morning routine after the new year, and then find a quiet part time job, just to start with. I've made a lot of progress over this past year - I moved out of the city, which helps a lot. I mean, if it was just in the mind - and not physical as well, then one could meditate or remain present, but such things do not cure over sensitive nervous systems - unless it is like PTSD or something - but I have had this my entire life. Like, a huge part of my life is focused on trying to manage sensory data. I found these women to be very relatable. They are curing themselves as best they can, but it is something that is ongoing - and it can be managed more than cured - with autism, it comes out in so many different ways, too. Like someone might have more issues communicating with people, or some like me, have issues with their bodies acting out of sorts. Autism also has hidden super-powers, though - many people, moreso than the average human, like Leo, ends up being a "savant". He is naturally wired to do what he does, and part of that has to do with having an autistic mind - most neurotypicals would not be that focused on finding God - but he has the ability to scout that stuff out and learn it and share it well. So not only do you find people having sensory problems, communication problems, but autism has the highest rate of producing geniuses. Like, my life would bore a normal person. I work on channeling and spirituality all day, as well as art, contemplating, this stuff takes over my focus because I am so obsessively interested in how it all works and trying to figure it out and I love it. But another, more normally oriented person would have a lot of different interests that might be more shallow, but broad in how they live. Autists are specialists. The thing is, I don't view it all as bad or something that needs to be cured, and I don't really sit within the label of it, either, it affects me, but doesn't define me. But I do see a lot of similarities in how autistic people function, I am quite similar to them - it is certainly a brain-style, for sure. I guess, getting rid of autism, is like trying to regrow a foot that was cut off. There are certain ways the brain has developed and it can change to some extent with work - but dysfunctions often need to be supported and managed. If you tell someone that they can cure it, and there are no cures for it, then it makes the person feel like they are not doing enough, when they could be. Or it is possible that the person needs to accept it, and searching to cure themselves might end up being harmful, as opposed to accepting themselves as just someone with a different brain chemistry. I mean... autism is only just one type, you have people with bipolar, schizophrenia, adhd, PTSD, depression, personality disorders, there are so many different ways that people can end up with a malady of the mind - sometimes the cures require medicine, sometimes spirituality, or therapy. Sometimes it can be cured, but often with these things they should be viewed as being managed. It doesn't end, you just get wiser at managing it. So, like I get psychotic episodes and I thought I could function without meds, until I got so catatonic and paranoid that I started to get delusions of reference and delusions of people "coming after me". I tried meditation, I tried informing myself, I did self inquiry, I worked on this stuff with the resolve of someone who's life depends on it - and still needed meds for the bipolar to keep delusions as low as possible, and to allow me to move more - my brain just takes in too much info at once, and it does not register old information as old, it registers it as new, so everything is always "too much" - the brain should be able to adjust to this over time, as is what happens with small children - it is called "low latent inhibition" - those who have it and can use it become savants and those who have a harder time with it, tend to find ways to manage, but they do not have the brain plasticity of a gifted person. I'm in the middle. Some lucidity, some areas very rigid in thought and reaction. When I went to the hospital for a month and got on meds, the delusions stopped, and my spirituality became much easier to do, I get along with my family much better now as well - I view it as a process of getting better, that will take years to work on - and I don't think that a cure is possible, but I think I can live a pretty normal life; it's only been 6 months on the meds and I feel like my mind is working properly - at least, moreso. If I still have triggers after this year, I might try therapy and see how that works. All behavioural stuff can be ironed out with awareness, but awareness doesn't make my senses work like a neurotypical. That's why I can channel things is because my neurochemistry is not normal. I really have no idea how you would cure sensory integration disorders. I just try not to get myself into situations where life is too busy or crowded and if it is then I bring my headphones. A lot of autistic people use them. Okay... so, let's put it this way, my brother was born completely Deaf, this is genetic. He will always be Deaf. Hearing aids can help him hear some very loud things - but he will never hear a conversation. The hairs in the cochlea did not grow. We can't plant cochlea hairs in his ears. Hearing aids help him hear low flying airplanes, that's it pretty much. He can manage it by learning sign language, bringing a pen and paper with him to write to people who don't sign, and to learn about Deaf culture and integrate into it - but those hairs are never going to grow with the technology that we have right now. It's genetic. We also both have high functioning autism - and it only appears on my mom's side of the family, not my dad's. Just like my brother cannot grow hairs in his ears, I cannot change the nervous system - it has always been like this and is not a new illness, it's just how my body functions. I can manage it. That's taking responsibility. When I got diagnosed with this, I was 13 years old and it was a long process that was taken in three parts, and each session was about three hours and they got a really good idea of what was going on, my history and whatnot - this was before the over-diagnoses of autism - which might explain why some people get better. They might not have had it - it could have been another condition that had autistic-like symptoms - but like... I do "autistic stuff" - like, my social understanding isn't the best, but I can hide that - or I tend to constantly sway my hips a bit "stimming" when sitting at the computer - I prefer having a rocking chair to manage the nervous system as well. A lot of autistic people find like a gentle sway soothing, or sometimes things that are heavy, like weighted blankets and stuff. There's just... the way autistic people are. They're just different.

@Raptorsin7 Because I can feel into my body - if it feels bad, it isn't good for myself, if it feels good - then it is. I don't mean like... as far as diet goes or something like that, but sensorily or emotionally I can feel into if it aligns with me. I've already been making steps to heal, and it's going pretty good -

@Raptorsin7 I'm not triggered, the subject of autism doesn't really trigger me - I just have a lot to say on it. I guess that can be hard to see because sometimes I do get triggered but nine times out of ten, I'm like the character "Daria" - just kind of level-headed, just sort of there, with a bit of "meh" commentary on various things. This explains where there is a segue in communication between people - those who know what is best for themselves and those who can only speculate.

We just, collectively, as a group of countries working together, launched a telescope that no one would ever think would have the funding to be launched - something so powerful that it will be able to take pictures of the beginning of our universe. The people's collective efforts were flawless - like a one-time dance where all the moves had to be choreographed just right. We did that. As a species. We will get to see the baby universe as it unfolds. Humans are amazing. Our civilization will grow if we all work together. And we did. We worked together so brilliantly, that the rocket was launched and it stayed on course, right exactly over the designated lines - they synced up where it would go - and it overlapped the route flawlessly. We can make it, if people can be reminded of what we can do when we work together as a species. More stories and more actions like this need to happen. And it will! People's imaginations will be captivated, space will become once again a place of unfurling mysteries.

Well, that's not true, either - but I don't think you are qualified. I feel that you didn't listen to what those women were saying about their lived experience because nothing in your post indicates this; so how could you know if you already have an idea in mind about it's curability, what it's like and so-forth? If you don't have sensory integration issues you won't understand, it has to do with your body, your nervous system - this is genetic, I have been hyper-sensitive to stimuli since I was born. It makes sense to accept it, and live with it - even Leo has autism, and after all of his work he is still sensitive, too. It doesn't go away, it actually increases by doing consciousness work because the person then can't check out to avoid it. I can go through it just fine and manage it well, but it isn't something that can change on a physical level. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZZ5FSfFVog A good video on what it's like. It isn't just behavioural, it comes about in different ways for different people. We can learn to have appropriate behaviour, empathy, and all of that - but there is still going to be a different brain wiring going on. Just like how some yogi's are different. It isn't a story; you can sit and feel the difference in neurological makeup. The amount of stimuli other people can handle compared to me is way different. I can't even concentrate on driving, because there is just so much all at once it's like my senses blend together and become just a blur. Or crowds, or raves, concerts, things like that. I can let go of the story, but it isn't going to grow the part of the brain that can process a lot of stimulation. Have you ever had that tickling feeling in your stomach that almost hurts from being on a ride, or going down a hill really fast? Like that - your nervous system would react - or if you took a drug, or coffee, or ... many things can change the state, but autistic people can't change that wiring completely. We can get very far, but it doesn't go away, we just get really... really... reaaaalllly good at hiding it, crafty. I don't really sit in a story of autism very much, it doesn't make up my identity. I don't think about it too often. But it still is there, and it still affects my life. Like, certain jobs would be too busy - so I would need a quiet workspace - you can't just fix sensory problems - but you can work on interacting with people better and then people just assume you're normal. No one knows I have it unless I say something. I've been able to "pass" as normal most of my life and sometimes that is a detriment - like when talking to doctors or psychiatrists, and I come across as normal, super smart and put together, and my life might be falling apart from the symptoms that I am looking to manage - and I'm just brushed aside time and time again when I speak out on these things and how they are a real, raw, genuine lived experience and there are other women in the world who also have it and deal with these things. And what about severely autistic people? They never get better. They are stuck in their minds, and in sensory overload hell. Sometimes families have to care for them forever, they never learn to speak or hold a gaze, it's like someone is lost inside themselves. If you tried to tell someone like that they could get better, you'd be rich because there are millions of people with low functioning autism that don't pass - and I am sure they would love to be cured - to feel comfortable in their bodies - to be able to speak - to look people in the eyes... to live on their own, to have a home and families. It takes away from the fact that it is a real struggle to manage - and when someone says it's curable, or just a story... it doesn't get to the root of the problem, which is genetics - people are born with it. Autism runs in my family on my mother's side - my brother has it worse than I do, but is functional and works, he is not low functioning.

@Raptorsin7 They would probably say that it is permanent, but also changing, I doubt they would take it as an attack on their identity, but it's kind of not really your place to make those statements if you don't have it. It affects more than behaviours, it has to do with how your brain processes the world sensory too; how you deal with stimuli. At least, for me, a large part of it has that aspect to it. That doesn't really change, it's just how my brain is - I'm sensitive.