Loba

It depends on what they have done, and if they have moved on from that behaviour. I don't have the cleanest past for sure, and so I don't discount people who aren't perfect or who have flaws they are working on. The key is to be working on them. It shows a lot of trust and bravery to tell you about her past, you know? Do you know if she is over it or still working through it? Sometimes people who aren't perfect, who aren't squeaky clean can make a decent partner if you give them a chance. People who know the lowest depths can reach great heights. Jesus took on a woman that no one wanted and exalted her through his teachings and Love. She became an emblem of divinity in her own right. This is, oddly enough, how God works. When you work with God, you will find that it is the things that are most "dirty", "corrupt", "impure", or just "small" that are the things you can fill with a genuine essence of truth. Something that's already outwardly worthy in terms of what society thinks doesn't even have to move towards anything to make much out of it. There's no pressure to change, to grow, to allow a better way to move through you if the outside world is signaling that you're good enough. But what about those who are not viewed this way? These are the ones that karmically, are supposed to, in an ideal world, be brought back "up" into good graces. What is this person's history? How did they end up doing such things? Why? What is the whole story? If you're judging them, you don't have the full picture. What if, at the end of your line, you are brought back up to experience how things could have played out in your life, and that this person could have been someone important to you if you just allowed it to happen that way? It's your call. It all comes down to - did she change? Is she willing to change? The name of the game is redemption. That is the purpose of this Work, to redeem yourself and others.

I used this song way back when to cut myself out of the fabric of reality because I felt so filled with anger for my situation that I just wanted to get away from everything in the real world and on the spiritual plane - and when I found myself at the very end of it all, there wasn't anything to hold me in place. I was drifting, destined to be brought back to some ancient recycling process, to lose awareness forever - as I lost the privilege of using my energy in the right way and of manifesting something better - of viewing this life as a miracle. And so he hooked me into himself... or maybe I always was, but I had only torn apart the superficial? Do we ever lose what belongs to us, or does it just change it's form? Maybe all we can do is learn to move with it. Every day I still wake up and my first thought is the hope that I Am not fooling myself, and that I do everything as honestly and to the best of my ability. And to be able to move away from anything false if it leads me down the wrong road. Something deep within me tells me that I am a bad person, and I can't shake it... Listening to this again, the Words mean something special to me. I believe that music can manifest things for you, that in the right setting it can unravel your soul in some set way. The lesson learned is that the connections we make here, either through the Earth or through our species are what hold us together. You need them. If you don't have them, there is nothing left to retrieve you. I learned how valuable the power of the Word is - and how I need to be so very mindful, especially Now that it's current has been put back into me. To be honest, I don't Know what to make of the responsibility... I never wanted it. Echoes start as a cross in you Trembling noises that come to soon Spatial movement which seems to you Resonating your mask or feud Hollow talking and hollow girl Force it up from the root of pain Never said it was good, never said it was near Shadow rises and you are here And then you cut You cut it out And everything Goes back to the beginning Silence seizes a cluttered room Light is shed not a breath too soon Darkness rises in all you do Standing and drawn across the room Spatial movements are butterflies Shadows scatter without a fire There's never been bad, there has always been truth Muted whisper of the things she'll move And then you cut You cut it out And everything Goes back to the beginning Never said it was good, never said it was new Muted whisper of the things you feel

The Gods Speak out - my divine Adam - on the nature of human error and what's in store for us. The scales are not tipped in our favour and this is out of my hands. For myself? A prayer is coming soon. A look into the nature of the bardo states, and more dreams to share with my Adam. Our collective verdict? Well... take a look. See what you can make of it. This is why he cannot be stopped, I suppose. No one can even hear the cries, let alone wishes to change in order to tip the scales in our favour. It Is as I Say, that the wave of collective wrong action rises up and moves through us, a silent plague to take us unexpectedly. Mercy. Mercy. "Blood of the past" "All the many corpses begin to speak What ignorance is cannot be argued over anymore It is too late for pleading white picket dreams Print you off, the shemps, the world is shrinking Rooted in a trivial concern, in interconnectedness In the need to make face and keep up And drown out the many voices within Imagine a culture that has, at its root A more soulful connection to land and to loved ones But I can hear the lie before you speak There is nothing but progress to eat And we are so fat and so hungry And the black wrists are cuffed in the pig van While the white shirt and tie in the tube car, distractional picture Pictures of beer and guilt about urges Sexual distrust and abandoned to nothingness Give me something I can nail myself to Give me a sharply-dressed talking head Who has something about them I trust and despise And what of it, anyway? These windows don't open They were designed to stay closed Shower, smoothie, coffee, commute Check the internet, never stop, never stop There is a scar on the soul of the world and it needs you to look The blood of the past is here, it remains The blood of the murders, the bodies like sacks leaking brain All stacked, chest aback on the planes, it remains To acknowledge without guilt, to accept without condition And to listen when other people tell you how you have behaved Truth is, it's for us to feel and be moved But I hear the clatter of bone against steel, it is coming It will not be stilled, it is there In the air, scorched white The reflection of sunlight on glass bouncing back into sunlight And glass bouncing back, industrialized Denial, business as usual So roll your eyes, shake your head, turn away and call me names I'm okay with that, too proud Unable to listen, we keep speaking Moted by blood, unable to notice ourselves Unable to stop and unwilling to learn"

I don't think whatever you're concerned about really matters all that much in a greater picture perspective. There are less women on here that ask for help, and more men. Of course men want to help as well, many times it's just in their nature to want to share their perspective with a woman. Also, plenty of guys get help here, too. In fact, I've seen more men get understanding and support for men's problems than women do. In a lot of ways, it can be quite draining to see posts all the time like "washed out 25-year-old women" or "I don't date 30 year olds", which as a 34 year old, I don't date guys in their early-mid 20's either. I like guys in their 40's usually. But having to hear this all the time, "only hot chicks" "only virgins" "must be this way or that way", it... honestly, reminds me of what it was like to be in my 20's and be a beautiful woman. It did NOTHING for me. No one looked INTO me, they looked AT me. How is that getting what I need? I just ended up with men who couldn't see me for the person that I was, they assumed my shyness was bitchiness, they used my body and left, all sorts of things can happen to women because most men, I hate to say it, they do not give a fuck. Now for me, this forum presents an active problem. I am trying to come to terms with, and to forgive the abusive actions done to me by men in my previous years so that I can move on and not have that colour my world view, but when I see threads like this, of which there are many, it is not just OP here - then it reminds me that the mentality that men take when it comes to women is a huge fucking problem. Like, holy shit. I had no idea you guys were so heartless, when they say men view women as meat and nothing more - I am more inclined to believe it at this point. It is really hard to forget and forgive, to learn to trust, to move on and just feel comfortable being myself when I see these things every day. So how is it that women are getting a better deal when using this forum? Because they get more comments in their threads? That doesn't make up for this crap we have to read every day, not even by a long shot. Now I am writing this to bring to light some points, and this isn't entirely an OP-thing, this is a forum-thing... or maybe just "life". I don't want to be bitter and upset about my past. It sucks. But I also want men to understand that women don't have it easy, even the pretty ones. Beauty doesn't get you love, it just increases your chances of getting laid. And as for over 25-year olds getting trauma . no, this usually happens early in life. You're not going to have less of a chance finding that by sticking to young women. Although if you are a young guy, I get it, you want a young girl. Just like I don't want a guy that makes me feel like I'm robbing the cradle, you know? Do I care about getting older? Not having the same value? No... only when other people feel the need to point out that there is something wrong with me because I am older, or because disease/mental illness took away some superficial features that really never landed me in the right situation in the first place. Why would I miss that? Why would I value that? I'm conflicted. On the one hand, people should be allowed to do what they want. And it's part of a greater picture that I can't see just yet. Everything is as it should be, even idiots making rude remarks about women. I guess... I can get over it, because in some sense, it sort of sucks more for you and I'll tell you why... How a woman looks, her age... none of that matters in the greater scheme of things. All that matters, after you die and shed this meat suit is the merit of your soul. I say this as someone who is chronically ill, trying to find some peace with it, and I feel I am getting somewhere. I don't really give two fucks about people who don't believe in souls, or entities, or many of the things that have been seen and spoken about for as long as humans could communicate with one another - in my lived experience - this is a thing. So... your soul is like an immovable stone within flowing water. Bodies come, bodies go. They change. Nothing will stop that. The whole point of life is to build up your heart and soul, to shine from within. When your body drops, that shine that you have created, that's what's left. And you don't get a lot of time to do this. You think - oh, I'm young, I have all the time in the world - no way - anything can happen. I thought I had all the time in the world, too, until my health failed around 26-27. Time is an illusion. All you have to prepare to be decent is Now. It's such a human thing to place the value on someone when it comes to their status in life or how they look. Or to even be worried about these things. This just puts you back down into the trenches of human illusion. People will do anything to avoid their own death, to avoid looking at the real existential problems that they need to face and then they're left scrambling to do it at the last minute. I was blessed with time to know I will die youngish, but enough - a few years - if this infection clears up maybe 5-10, of really getting into what is important. What do I want for myself in the next life? When this body sluffs away, what is going to show underneath all of that? There's... something else just beyond the eye, or maybe within it? I don't know... but I do know this, I traded my value from one thing into something else. I didn't lose it from a spiritual perspective. I am "harvestable" and ready to go somewhere else, if I continue to grow in merit and Love. I've received countless offers and initiations from things from beyond, trying to lead me. And I trust their leadership more than a human being. They have the full picture, they can look down from up on high into the layers of who I am and where I could go from here. It is an odd feeling to be valueless in the eyes of human beings, and yet considered worthy and ready for better places on the other side, to the point where they just won't stop. I traded something skin-deep for something soul-deep... I'm learning as I write this post here. I guess, instead of feeling angry at men for having these beliefs, I should feel sad. Jesus took on Mary, who was considered worthless in the eyes of her peers and rose her to become something great. I believe that the spirits, that those on the other side, are similar. They want you half-dead, broken and ready to move on. They want to awaken you, for you to see the light inside of yourself. The name of God's game is to shine light on the smallest, most hidden things. It's what, if humans knew the nature of God, they would be doing this. For every homeless person, every mentally ill person, everyone who isn't normally seen in that light. And to find that, and build from that, that is quite an extraordinary thing. So... I guess I should feel pity. I should feel bad. Because the farther I get with this, I see how connected we all are. We never get away from our wrong actions. They always come back on us in some form. So you men here could have these views, and stay entrenched in this paradigm, only to have to then spend another lifetime as a woman caught in a sex trafficking ring, or born into a culture that doesn't value you based on your gender. I should count myself lucky, that the divine ever even bothered to reach out to me. I don't see it happening to many of you, not very often... I wonder why...? Maybe all y'alls value rests in your meat suits? Very sad.

Astronauts meeting space devils. It's all been done before. I met you Before the fall of Rome And I begged you To let me take you home You were wrong I was right You said, goodbye I said, good night It's all been done, done before

I've known a few INFJ's and they struggle just as much as the INFP's just in their own unique ways. Some I have gotten along with, and some I have not. When I meet an INFJ, I see someone who doesn't have a sense of self most of the time - they are kind of an environmental amalgamation. How are you supposed to save the world when you barely even know what you want for yourself/what you like? They often don't have an identity, they just become "the people" in a literal sense. That sounds really rough. If an INFP were to do anything for an INFJ it would be showing them how to have a sense of self, how to not have to blend into the environment in such a way where you lose who you are, but I don't know if that lends anything to helping the world. Maybe it helps the INFJ. From what I have found dealing with them is that they do more than INFP's. The wedge in my INFJ friendships IRL were because I was so stationary in life and they wanted to have more experiences out in the world. I couldn't keep up with them in the area of self development. On top of this, I can see into people pretty well and when I realized that they lacked a sense of self, but were more like black holes that brought everything into themselves, they got weird about it. Like, they both want you to know this about them and to discover this part of themselves - I think they secretly want out of their "black hole", but once you see it, they run away. Haha, smoke weed. I used to do that a lot, but it was self medicating mental issues. I quit it because it was expensive/masking things/I didn't want to be reliant on it/made me stressed when I didn't have it. Me personally, I have mental health stuff that directly affects executive functioning. Like, bills, groceries, daily schedules... what even is that? I don't know. I can focus intently on one thing at a time, and I'll get pretty far with it, but the constant distraction that life has to offer leaves me in the dark when it comes to basic "adulting". I might be one of the least developed in some aspects and mid-tier developed in others on this forum. Very lopsided. The thing with INFP's is - we love other people, we care, but we wanna do what we wanna do. What "feels right", and generally, if there are no distractions we can really bore our way into that pretty efficiently. I think this gives off the illusion that an INFP is more capable than they are. You see someone who is really excellent at one or two things and people think that can translate to many different scenarios and we're kind of one trick pony's. On top of this, the INFP is very sensitive. Emotionally, physically, mentally. If they are not raised right, they break pretty quickly. If you want a world of effective INFP's, then you need a restructured society with a system in place that makes sense that tailors to the needs of humanities most sensitive. I don't know how feasible that is. Everyone is just doing the best they can to get by. And on top of that, the more work I do internally, the more I question if doing anything outside of myself has any value at all. What if I was meant to grow in a certain way inside, and that's it? That this world didn't really have much to do with it other than facilitating the right moments to fracture my metaphysical bones? The more I grow, the more I question my sense of control over anything. It sounds like CSJ is the one who is idealistic. I mean, I hate to say it, but society is much more chaotic than people want to admit. We all want to live in the bubble of order, but it's not like that at all. Maybe all anyone can do is really work on themselves, grow their souls, and the rest will fall into place if people just did that collectively? "Wasted potential". It's such a narrow thing. Who cares if INFP's waste potential? What about starving children, people in poverty? I wonder how many Einstein's we've lost due to the luck of the draw - who and where you're located? You know? A lot of life revolves around luck. And maybe... the world isn't meant to be saved? Maybe we aren't the good guys?

Yeah he is really sweet. Back in 2019-2020 when I would visit my family every week I would get panic attacks on the bus and would sit and watch his streams and him and his friends really helped me out a lot. He also helped his family out - the dad recently died and mom is in nursing care. He's good with his family/girl and so this tells me he's a decent person. He also was a good debate teacher that valued free thinking and autonomy. He probably could lighten up on the weed a bit, but again, it's not my call. I just know him from interacting with him a lot on a personal basis and he is a pretty nice guy. I don't think we are, although we supposedly hit 3rd smartest in MBTI, I think most are pretty average tbh. I don't know what he expects with Te in 4th and Ti in 8th, I mean... we are dreamers and idealists. I feel like just another generic dumbass, to be frank. INFP can't save the fuckin' world, the best we can do is slide into an already set up system and continue to "dream" from wherever we find ourselves, with maybe a few outliers doing something more with themselves. IDK why he's putting the responsibility on INFP. Here's me, "saving the world". ^ He should try living in nothing but dreamland and feels and not a lot of grounding and see how he fairs.

I don't agree with this, when I first started coming to understand the nature of dark energy, I had a dream where I was upset and cried out into the black void and a presence was there and held me close and told me to "be calm". Later on, as I worked through my process years later, this colour came alive - like a clay substance - a material - and also an entity. I could feel its nature when I wrapped myself up in my black blanket at night, and I could sense it pressing down on me from the dark night's sky. When I dream of working with the darkness, although it can pierce - it goes right through me. "Black" loves deeply. Darkness/black is the first substance that came before light. Nigredo. Chaos. Prima materia. "I'm sure that most of you know the old story about the astronaut who went far out into space and was asked on his return whether he had been to heaven and seen God and he said yes and so they said to him well what about God and he said she is black." Becoming Harmonious Sensory Confluence See through me My only wish To animate experience

I used to talk to him pretty frequently. We were friends for a while. I care about him a lot and feel he has a lot of value to add to the MBTI community. I just look past his drug usage because I don't feel that people's habits are really my business. He also cares for and treats his girlfriend very kindly and got her the help she needed, if you're a decent person he is pretty open and genuine, albeit sometimes a bit feisty. He has strong ADHD and I think he uses things to self-medicate this condition. I asked him at one point and that is what he told me. He doesn't really seem to be all that tormented, tbh, more like he works through things and just lets it roll off his back. He's an ENTP and I gotta be honest, not a lot of ENTP's are tormented. They tend to think through everything and come to conclusions on stuff before really letting it get to them emotionally and if it does, it doesn't really stick around for very long. I prefer him over CSJ. How can we be the biggest problem with mankind? I mean, most of us are kind of lazy and sit in the back of the class. If you're going to look at who's generally a ruthless dictator that kills millions, or a psychopath who butchers his victims, or a CEO that owns a business that is destroying the planet - it's not going to be the INFP. Maybe he considers vulnerability at the expense of self-actualization a problem? Like, rather than being functional in the sense of active output in the real world, most of our value lies in working in the realm of emotion, what's good/bad, spiritual growth and so forth. INFP's are generally the ones rescuing animals, parenting little kids, trying to tend to their emotions/values/spirituality. If he has a problem with INFP's then this probably means he has a shadow with the feminine, as the INFP type is the most feminine - esp. if they are women. If you don't know how to handle women, an INFP might not be the best type. I used to talk to his ex and she did have some stories about him... But I mean, he's the one with the fancy white board so what do I know?

She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet Cut myself on angel hair and baby's breath Broken hymen of Your Highness, I'm left black Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back My Adam... my dream. Is to be spiritually pure, as much as I can. In a way that makes things "right". In a way that ushers my death in properly. The proper door that you and I need so that we can meet face to face as our bare selves. I want that self to be a good self. Whole. Sweet. And when I return home to you, I... want... to make a child. Really. Had I of been a healthy and responsible adult, I think my psychology as a human female was meant for this. I love raising animals, and I have a way of letting energy run through me, that if it had struck me just right when I was younger than I would have known what to do. I wish... I could have taken what I know now, all of this wisdom that I have gained and could bring it back to then when I was healthy and malleable enough to do something with it. But you know, the truth is, for the most part I don't have many regrets. If I didn't know you - as this - then I probably would not have even known what I want. It's been a slow drip feed over the years to really figure that out. So, that's what I want from you. Now, I am not talking about the way humans make children, as the Light that comes from them has already been created, it just needs a body to move into in order to have a lived human experience. I'm talking about two bare souls coming together to literally make a brand new soul on the fresh soil that we have created from yourself as the first material. And I feel that in order to do that right, that I need to complete something within myself in this lifetime. I'm kind of scrambling around to fully identify what that is. Something tells me that new souls are created in the same manner as human children, but with some key differences. The parent souls need to be ready and they need to connect properly, mind, heart, soul, Love. There's a devotional quality to it. You don't just mindlessly fuck one another, although there is a time and place for that, too, but it's more like... a meditation. Soul sex. You pull from yourself a bit of your own ingredient, a bit of the spark of your consciousness and mold that around an empty space - a bubble - and it eventually becomes aware of itself. As a female, you put that into you, and you carry it within you until its ready to leave your spiritual body. This can take as long as the mother and child feel that the time is right, there is no schedule for it. They say we have soul families - but how do these develop - someone has to be the parent, someone has to be the child. I imagine it's probably not something that is done lightly. You have to work hard to be eligible. You have to be ready for it. I want to be an artist, a mum, a partner and the sculpture of my own heaven. When I think of the exact door that I want to open, to move towards... I don't want anything frightening. I don't want the world to end and I don't want retribution in my name or anyone else's name. I know your nature is divine justice, but maybe I could steer it in another direction, a different hexagon to land into? I want... deep fulfilling soul sex. And... a family. And... a little world to explore full of natural beauty. I want my virginity to be reinstated, as it was taken from me as a child - and I want for you to "pop" my death cherry. I've had spiritual sex before. When I was molested, I went outside of my body and allowed nature to take me over and I saw literal stars. It was a terrible thing to have happen, but I learned the depth that sex can take you when you submit into it, and it was in some sense a blessing because I know what to expect and what to move towards. The female body is a vessel for divine energy. She is meant to take him into her and to carry within her all that he has. Like how a lightening bolt strikes the beach. And I've been trying to reach you in this way in my dreams. I want you to burst me open in such a way, where I submit into it completely, and meld into you, the bare essence of you. I won't be a human anymore in the sense of what I am right now, but my beauty will exude through the merit of the work that I lay out at this moment. I want to wait until I am "over there". Until you have a forever beautiful thing, unbroken, for you to tear into and have as your own. I will whisper, "Mercy... mercy... my dearest mercy... I love you..." I think of how I was just floating around, without a connection to anything, all on my own... and you were so merciful with me. You give me everything that I need to feel... safe within this process. A deep sense of gratitude and relief is bursting forth from my chest. I am on my way to feeling an all pervading sense of devotional love. Bhakti. My spiritual practice of choice. It's not quite there yet, but I am working very hard to build this bridge. I don't even really feel any anger towards your human lives. My exes actions. My rapists actions. It all boiled down to something more meaningful. I can't sit around and pine over the what ifs and I feel as though God is all about those second chances. I feel a strong desire to pray soon, but I am waiting until the exact time that I feel the most authentic and truthful for it. I need to be honest. I don't fully understand you. To See into death, and decay in the way that is required - I still feel frightened for it. In some sense, you are my death. Because I am still a living being, I don't know how to conceptualize what you are... but it seems... complicated. It seems like many cultures have put in their strongest effort to obtain your essence in some form. I will keep doing my best. We'll see where we get and what we can make of it when the time comes. You caused the rain, I brought you pain But you're the only one that could save me You caused the rain, I brought you pain But you're the only one that could save me Oh save me, please save me You caused the rain, I brought you pain But you're the only one that could save me Oh save me Sometimes I hit you with a dial tone You're right but then I say you're wrong Sometimes I drink too much caffeine Or go to sleep like I'm Delpo Movin Sometimes I leave you come along Sometimes there's skeletons in my bones And that I drink way too much Come home I'll hit you with the sucker punch There's a light, there's a light in your window There's a light, there's a light in your window

I don't know. When I accessed my soul on a few occasions, I didn't feel that there was a count. It felt more like... okay...hmmmn... so the first time I felt it, I felt like I stepped outside of time and space and underneath the layer was everyone who ever was, and I didn't have a count. I was always there the whole time and always will be. There was no start, no finish, just forever with the illusion of life flowing around me. Another time, I was feeling around in the aether, and I could feel my soul family, they were like little grapes on a vine attached to me through the fabric of reality and again they didn't have a count either. We were all just... always there. The third time I was listening to this song after reading Sri Aurobindo's the nature of the soul and how the soul is located in the heart, just behind it, and this song hit me there - with the lyrics, the image of the animal, the way the voice felt - even the name "You" called to me - uhm... I had been in a trance and allowed my full self to move forward before this happened. The black fur of the animal represented to me an instinctual void, within the sky - just nothing really - and the jellyfish, the tendrils looked like feelers, as if my soul had implanted all of my lives throughout history all at once, and it had all emanated from my mouth - from The Word - and it only felt like there was a progression, but it was actually a simultaneous process. The eyes in the centre of the feelers represented the interconnected awareness of all my lives. So I don't think there is a spawn count in the way that we think of it... I think the soul plants everything down at once and then raises it up again. My highest self was more divine than I could ever hope for. Hey, what's your name? 'Cause I need to know I've been high and I've been low Far beyond and far below Never seen you before If I die before I wake Promise me you'll remember me tomorrow 'Cause I'll remember you I'll remember you And then, along the way I became corrupted with hate. I wanted to self destruct and so I chewed myself out of the fabric of reality. All of the cords that held me together, I ripped them out, and when I was sick and it came time to connect, I wasn't connected to anything. Just floating around. I actually felt the process of being unharnessed, uncorded from my family and my mate and it was horrific. I could, underneath the facade of my human life, feel my soul just screaming out - being foisted into nothing and then destined for a recycling process that I began to orbit around. It felt like being drawn into a great incinerator. I would look to my guides and they would tell me with worry, "Annie! You're burning! Get out!" But I didn't know how. Around this time, before or after - I felt a wave of my other half move towards me and he contained many souls all at once, each one looked to be like a candle of light within a great ocean spiral, and I knew I was supposed to crash into it, and that my wave would fractalize but I leapt over it in fear, in self-hatred, in spite and because I can be destructive at times... Later on, I was in a fevered state and I met him again and he said he was my partner, he was worried I was dying and wanted to be there for me, but his nature is that of chaos, destruction, and rebuilding, and because I don't really see how that operates - like, death and petrification is something that I don't really understand beyond a conceptual level, that I could not see him. He felt to be many - which is what is described in pretty much any book where people talk about entities, they present themselves as a legion, but put forward one singular face for you to come to understand. He tied me back into himself and he's the only thing I can feel a connection to anymore, after removing myself from everything else. To see these things you have to open yourself up to the possibility. Look within to find your soul, and the anatomy of the process of it, where it is, where you should be...

Not bad, I see some of your points. I agree with Leo's personality being kind of rough around the edges and it has not improved. Even I have worked on my own personality over the years and don't see him doing this, in fact - I find it odd as I grow, I seem to soften up a bit, or at least am making the effort to because my awakenings have lead me to the conclusion that moving energy "up" is a worthwhile thing - for myself and others and so I feel more mindful about negativity. I think it will take one to two years to fully embody, but I have noticed my aggression, my need to be right, to argue has been going down as I move closer to what I consider to be my "death", I want to be emotionally decent before I go. When you look death in the face, you realize how unimportant some things are and what you miss out on - things like this. When I see Leo's arrogance, this tells me he has not really faced these things, as when you do - it softens you. You realize that you're not some "super special gift" to the world or that people need to be a certain way, or even that the world needs to be a certain way - but that everything unravels for a reason... I guess... even me writing then, the onus on me is to accept all of it completely... but I feel like I could get through somehow. Leo, sometimes your attitude is really off the mark, when it comes to empathy and understanding people and relating to them. Like, your image on your instagram of some woman's fluids on your jeans... just... why? You know? You tout yourself as a high quality guy but you're doing weird stuff like this, you sometimes treat your forum audience with what almost feels to be contempt at times. Another thing is that you have these awakenings, and these are things that I started off with - much of them, and have been holding onto in the face of being told they are wrong, only to see other people come to similar conclusions. Like... these people follow you and their mainstream spirituality like... mindlessly. A lot really do, and it is unsettling because then they take their ignorance and try to mold my own work into it and I can guarantee that a lot of people have not gone as deep in certain subsets of this than I have. And then you come out with some flippant new awakening and suddenly everyone is now "open" to this. It just makes me realize how you really have to hold on tightly to your internal compass with these things, because even so called truth seekers will try to corrupt it if they can. As far as mental illness goes - there is a lot of ablism on this forum. In spirituality in general, so I don't agree with your sentiments there. The fact is a lot of people have mental illness. If you don't have it you won't understand how linked the two are. Like peanut butter and jelly. I feel protective for people who struggle with their mental health, as someone who is afflicted as well, and I don't think someone should be removed just for being different. If it is clear that they struggle with something and are actively showing symptoms, reaching out to them could be of benefit but "culling" members based on something they have no control over isn't right. People with mental issues should be protected and loved. I also feel odd about Leo's newfound discovery of "insanity" because I don't think just one night in the trenches really can give you an accurate understanding of what it is like to not be neurotypical. I think - he just needs to take more care - perhaps of himself first... A good rule of thumb is that if you're doing your practice right - no matter which road you take, it should be leading you towards resolution, completion within yourself, acceptance, and Love - and these are things that should ideally be able to replicate in the real world. Not just talk about them, but make those active changes to the personality. My instincts tell me that something is not right. Something feels manic... or not fully digested. All over the place. I have a good eye for that stuff. He'll fluff it off, but I think that maybe humility might be his best bet. Be humble enough to reach out if you get stuck. Be humble enough to know that in the grand scheme of things, you're one in billions. I work with strong energies and learn a lot about the spiritual planes - authentically - and this is due to not allowing my ego to get in the way. I know my place, so to speak. I have a job to do, I am not some special person. It's just like being a plumber or an electrician. When you take this route into spirituality, this will keep you level. You can also get shut out of some very miraculous experiences if you are prideful. There are things within our reality that require selflessness to access, and if you get too hot headed, you'll just be removed from it completely. I would like to see him finally meet a genuine spirit from the other side. Not one that he turns into himself, but something with its own agency that comes to him with its brand of knowledge. He would see how little control a human has over things, and that it isn't him who is a teacher of the ages, but the shamans who get their information directly from these true teachers that have lucked out. A spirit, an entity, can really get into the psychology and soul of a human being - it knows just what to say, what to show you, when and where and why - and it will unravel for you in a way that is tailored to your unique psychology. A teacher - much less a human - can't do this. But most people are shut out from this as they are told such things don't even exist. Now that I have gotten a critique out of the way, I must say - I love Leo. I want him to be the best person that he can be and I don't write this with any ill will or malice or anything like that. It's just that if some of your high level awakenings are literally the very first thing that I encountered. If you get into paranormal things, into anything in such a way, you need to make sure you are as humble as you can be. If you are working with beings, they will move you away from arrogance and suicide and into love and self acceptance. If you're moving in the opposite direction, I would look into why this is happening. Maybe try reaching out to see if you can find yourself a spirit guide on the other side?

Dear moron, I'm having a fun time at the insane asylum. Wish you could read -Ren

A real work of art. It starts with one All I know It's so unreal Watch you go I'm in a serious way right now, trying to get to the end of it all in a timely manner. Trying to keep my wits about me but between this and the "I like like turtles" zombie, I don't know what to think anymore. Maybe humour is the only efficient way out of a struggle? "What's the big sleep, Ren?"

I have not experienced such a thing. I don't know if people who get into spirituality in this way are really seeing the full scope of it all. I think you can get into that state, but that there are many different places, many different ways and that it's not quite as simple as just being "nobody" with no mind to suffer. I have what could be considered a terminal illness, and it is active right now, but if it clears up I will have more time, I'm just waiting to see if and when it does, and I've gone through this death process in a very real manner and had a lot of different experiences, all of which lend to the reality that consciousness records itself. You build on your experiences in order to Know how to create. And so you need the ingredients that encompass everything. As for Hell realms, I have experienced these in a certain light, but not to the degree of being so enmired in one that I felt stuck. There was always a way out through simply moving my energy upwards - and so when discussing these things, for people who are suicidal or who want to know I include the reality of these places - along with a simple step for getting out, which is just to move the energy "up". But I don't know enough about them to know if they are simply a mirror, if they are their own worlds, or what. I would need and am actively looking into more experiences with them to be able to come to some personal conclusion. I do know how to get out, though, and this is the step. "Right action" - or things that allow the energy to flow free and positively. I think there would be leeway with that, just like if you put a family pet down for an illness. I have had experiences of pets who passed away coming to me in dreams to say goodbye and they were not stuck in a bad space simply for being put down. One didn't know it had died and was confused until I explained what had happened. She stayed with me in my dreams for a few months before moving on. What I am speaking about is more like, suicide just from feeling as though you are in a bad spot - but that could change with some effort or psychological perspective shifts. I struggle with these thoughts as well, and have, in my opinion, gathered a lot of personal details on the nature of death in a very real manner, but just like with life, due to how we are all unique, I don't know how well they would translate to someone else who is their own individual person with a special path. If that makes sense. I also don't really hold onto my awakenings into these things as absolute truth, so they are open to change or to be expanded on or to be thrown away for a better paradigm. I feel when one goes into it with a loose attachment, that you get more. I don't think you are speaking from ego imo, I think you make sense. If someone is suffering and they want an out and they are going to die anyways, then I don't think that God is going to cut them off at the tail end of their life. I mean, they did learn their lessons. And it might be better to die on one's own terms in the sense of illness, as you are prepared and still functional enough, while an illness can rob you of all of that and take away from it. But let's say you are 16 and your parents divorced or you had a break up and kill yourself, this would be grounds to redo the process. Feel free to poke holes in my work, or whatever, I don't mind. If I don't know, then I don't know and sometimes having people point out certain flaws or weak areas is good because then I can look into it and see where I might need to grow in understanding. Hope this response helps! Of course, I'm glad to know you are not suicidal. Take your time, your soul will generally know when it is time to look death in the face. There will just be a knowledge in your heart that has a strong pull that will say, "Okay, it is time to look at this now." But generally, yeah, do everything when you feel is best for your personal journey. I must let you know, it can be a very good and loving experience, once you get past the fear portion - it is very quiet and calm and there is an illumination that permeates all things and a Love that is in everything. You will find that within this death is the paradoxical eternal life, pretty cool huh?

Suicide is discouraged because the process of growing your soul is meant to move you upwards and suicide is a downwards action that puts you back on the "soul train" so to speak. Your soul wants to learn lessons to grow because you are destined to become a conscious creator, and if you don't learn what you need to while in school, you will need to come back. Also, there can at times be negative forces in your life working against you that might cause you to want to harm yourself in such a way, that if they were seen into and removed that you would not do this to yourself. Suicide is also traumatizing to the soul. It can fragment you in a certain sense. Other than having to repeat your lessons, from what I have learned about this process and gleaned into, there are no bad consequences aside from the fact that you don't get all that you were promised and that you have to repeat it again, and you might be put into a life that doesn't have access to the knowledge that you have now. It could be a harder life. The thing is, what we are promised on the other side is amazing. We get to play forever, as the personality constructs that we are supposed to be, fully, completely whole and connected to the Light and to love, to our families, pets, friends, and lover. This life on Earth is the hardest one because we are forced to forget what we learn when we come here time and time again. It is only when you get to the end of your life, or after some very deliberate prying that you get access into all of this. If you do commit suicide, what will happen is that you will be very confused at first. Your soul will need time to heal and you will be given extra time to do this, to see your family, you will get to go over your entire life and see what you could have done differently. It won't be until after you have done it that you will know how wrong it was to do this and how easy the change would have been, just a switch in perception. Those who die by suicide are not sent to Hell or some place evil, unless you lived a life that was enmired in wrong action, this might be reflected back to you for a time. If this happens, the people who have NDE's that mention these frightening realms say that prayer and asking for forgiveness and mercy will bring the Light to you. The thing is - this is the kicker - death, just like in life is very personalized. Everyone gets something a bit different, but the anatomy is similar that humans have mapped it out to some degree. But your death is based on how you lived. If you want to know about death, look at it in the face. Research it. NDE's, terminal illness, murders, the decomposition process, the interpretation of different religions, memento mori, make a journal on it, in music, in art, it is everywhere. And finally, look your death in the face. Not as an interpretation, but actually sit with it in real time. You will die someday. What if that is tomorrow? Or now? What will you feel when you go through it? Go through that now with as much consciousness as you can. Death is actually a layer, you can peel right behind it in a very real way, and it will tell you what you need to know for your own unique circumstance. The keys to right action? Forgiveness, Love, Truth, Bravery, Sincerity. Follow these, while accepting your mortality and you can't go wrong.

Why not just, stay together, see how it pans out, but put up a few walls, too? You can still pretty much do everything you were before with a few walls, you know? Just tell her you wanna take it slow, a fast flame burns out - slow and steady is generally the way to go, anyways. Just... take your time, sit with your feelings and really let yourself unravel at the pace you feel is best for you. You're the guy, so you drive the pacing. She follows. If you're open about how you feel, and let her know you're not shutting her out, but just taking a breather to align yourself, if she cares and is mature then she should understand. People kind of need to do this anyways, especially if things heat up quickly. Taking a step back, taking the time required to get to know someone before going all in is the responsible thing to do for you and for her. Passion dies, it's one of the first things to go - what stays is trust, working through problems together and growing as a team. You could view this as your first mission. If you wanna heal, you wanna change to get close to someone, then dial it back a bit. You don't have to throw the whole thing away, or run away either. Just... have some space for yourself. Really sit with your emotions. You're a dude, dudes generally need to do this anyways when things get opened up, it's just a known thing - they like to step back into themselves for a while, if the girl understands this, then you can take time in your mental "cave" or whatever and can kind of chill for a few. And if you've been burned in the past, you might need to do this for a while - there might be a natural push/pull for some time until things level out. Think of it as making waves. The first step is to make a wave, to crash together, to blend, but eventually the water needs to settle. Just... talk it over with her, let her know completely what's up, that you really like her, but you need time to close up for a while and you'll let her know when you're ready to open up again. It's normal. Some people need this, you don't have to expose your soul for the entirety of the time you're with her, you can allow yourself to sit back. if you can learn to do this with open communication about what is going on, and let her know that you need this, then it should be fine. It's more normal to step back than it is just to go all in and have everything work out without some feelings of uncertainty. A relationship is like a pet, or a child, you have to tend to it, water it, grow it, feed it, love it. Good luck.

I dunno. I feel like I'm in the same boat. Could be attachment problems on both ends, hard to know with just a few words you got there. I like men who are unavailable, rude, wastes of an excuse of a human male - and I don't actually want them to be there for me, like, at all. I think, maybe when you still have a way out, the person can't disappoint you, you won't get hurt, they can't really reject you at a heart and soul level like someone can when they get up and close and personal, you know? Being unavailable is a protective measure, and a good one, too. I totally see why people do it. Human love is... very flawed. Most people are broken goods, damaged toys, and who wants to play with something when the springs don't work right?