Loba

Journaling, coffee, weed, introspection practice, a small amount of meditation, writing about the emotions I am feeling in order to work through them helps a lot, uhm... my goal(s) is simple, it's just to have a normal day-schedule of caring for myself, and whatever else positive that comes from these new good habits. Sometimes, when I feel inspired enough, I will draw something.. but this is rare.. The journal section helps me a lot in keeping track of what I am doing during the days, because although introverted, I am still a communal creature and I like to be around other people with similar goals.

@Bow24Maybe he just doesn't have an answer as to the reason and assumes there is no reason, I say this because in my awakenings I was given a reason, and the reason was just to witness itself as itself. Simultaneously, there was no reason for that, other than it would bring heaven on earth.

@Leilani Yeah, I heard ancestors/angels in music and felt Love and unity all around me, like everyone was singing in unison in the present moment, and I could feel the illusion of time, or perhaps some sort of singularity pulling me towards it and I realized that I had always been in this spot and always will be, and that there will just be the illusion of things moving past me - like a wave or something - and I could feel everyone's souls that ever lived, like a grapevine, clustered and connected to the Source, and the universe told me that the meaning of life is to be aware of God and to spread God in this world, that is the plan, the universe wants to witness itself while "Awake" - and I could see it looking back at me through everything in my livingroom, it all kind of blended together, and fruits tasted so much more pure after this experience, and the air smelled so fresh outside - I was "saved" with this knowledge and want to get back to that state of being so I can understand more. It was like the plane of consciousness itself is aware of itself and develops ways to awaken itself - even sometimes suffering - it was a clear sightedness - I could see God in the mist in the blue mountains - all some massive feedback loop happening all in the present moment - Now - I learned about how "as above, so below" God is like a fractal, or a divine machine, in how everything moves so orderly and perfect. This moment is perfect. There was a unified plane of consciousness - and then if you can imagine it being like bubble wrap, that is folded up, or something - those are the souls - which are made out of the plane of consciousness, I could feel their divine Love and Innocence and their heartsong all around me. If Leo has not experienced this, then there might be a facet missing, just like I have many points of the whole puzzle missing, too, and am in the process of putting them together. I found God through the algorithms, by following my ultimate truth when I was having my first and most severe autoimmune flareup - kind of like Leo, I had to come to terms with possibly dying at a younger age than I would like and had to actually come to accept death as a reality, not conceptually, and all I could do was offer appreciation in the moment for how beautiful a song sounded, and how lovely the mountains look. I learned that is how to get God closer to you is to offer appreciation for the present moment - and nature is so wise you can see life within it, nature is God's vehicle for communication. Now I can see when people are very "awake" and I can see God in various forms of artwork and in nature and stuff and if I follow it, it leads be back to some sort of awesome epiphany. Leo looks very 'awake', by the energy he carries in his eyes - so I keep my mind open to solipsism as a possibility, but due to the depth that it took me to get to my awakenings, it would take another awakening generated by my own efforts in order to move me in that direction - so I am just waiting for wherever the wind blows - and I'll follow that. If you go through and NDE, a lot of times people will get siddhis or a certain kind of sensitivity. God is in the process of waking itself up to itself, and the whole world will follow suit - once it catches like a wildfire.

Try Richard Grannon's fortress therapy course. I used some of it, I didn't stick with it but it did help a bit. For me, the main problem is sticking to something to see if it would work, so I'm not the best person to discuss actual healing with, as I still have a ways to go - but am getting better! And feel hopeful. See if what he says resonates and go from there, if not, there are plenty of people on YouTube offering advice for healing from trauma, but to be honest, it will be a lifelong journey to heal, there is only a road, no destination.

I'm open to it, as I am open to anything that allows me to have an awakening into understanding more of myself, but the way OP describes it is the way that I have felt it in my direct experience as one of the deepest and most profound discoveries. It was all one thing, but everyone was partitioned, in like "bubbles" of their own awareness - I went through 'real' death, not conceptual, to understand this - I wonder if you have only just experienced your bubble for some reason? Have you had awakenings to other bubbles, ever? If so, how do you explain them from a solipsistic lens?

@PurpleTree I did! After my parents pass away, I will have two small rooms open - the third room will house my small dog breeding hobby - this is like waaaay in the future - if this place is still around I'll put an ad for a few roommates. I will own the home and the rent will be cheap, in a nice neighborhood, and the house is cute - middle class neighborhood, pet/420 friendly. But my folks are doing well, so I don't foresee anything happening for another 10-20 years. Who knows if this place will be around for that long.

Try green cities in USA, like Seattle or San Francisco. I used to live in Seattle, a lot of food and clothing banks, a tent city, you could just walk around the city and live off it if you wanted to. Does get rainy, so buy a tent.

Make sub forums for course buyers.

No dude, if a girl has strong religious beliefs that go with it, it's best not to get into that mess. Let her have her beliefs, don't interfere. You can find plenty of sexy girls without a belief system that keeps them safe from... this sort of thing.

I like this answer, while not in my direct experience as of yet, I could follow along conceptually. Cool! I almost "felt it" when I took on that perspective.

It's all around you right now! When you wake up, focus on giving Love and Appreciation outwards towards the present moment, this allows space for God to come in and answer your questions for you. You can find the kingdom of heaven this way, through daily practice. Just find a picture you love a lot that looks perfect and "give" - look at how much information is in this picture alone - if you knew what went into making just this moment here, you would understand God. So long, long time ago We were the force the sea and the stone How far did you dance over the earth the first time you left? Windside wing to the ground, Where was the course and where was the sound Say love where did you go, over the valley and when did you know? Way down down to the ground We were the earth the soil and the sand No need to wait for me, give this body to the hallowed sea. Give take Away What you Give- Take Away

All good stuff.

I'm a bit bi and feel the same way, I prefer men, but a really beautiful woman is hard not to look at and my friendships with other women have always been much deeper - yet I prefer men, it's kind of annoying. Being bi is pretty normal, sexuality runs on a spectrum, there's also different deviations of sexuality as well - it's a pretty deep topic, one that I am exploring and I am finding that there is a lot of personal power in coming to understand one's sexuality, rather than repressing it. You don't need to sleep with a guy to enjoy your sexuality, just find out what you feel the most comfortable with, start slow and stuff, like writing, reading, maybe porn if you watch that. Like me, you can be attracted to the same sex, but prefer the opposite sex. Understanding your sexuality helps to balance your lower chakras, can help a person to feel more grounded in themselves; there's a lot of practical benefits.

I'm the same way, it sucks, I wish there was an easy solution for it.

If you are too honest or too real, people can fight you about it. A large number of people want to take their dishonesties to the grave with them or they don't think about mortality and so they don't think about their karma and stuff... uhm... be careful when being honest with people, too, I have been "too" honest before and there is a point where it can become toxic. My new rule is, unless someone is causing me active problems, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."

There is so much good music out there. Here's a small sample of my collection.

I think that life is a gift, even if it is difficult, the awakening experiences I have had have told me that even being aware/alive at all is a miracle - being self aware is a literal miracle. Maybe life is like a school, and we graduate by seeing through Maya? Maybe there are things that a person can only handle when they are ready and that's what it's all about? Idk, I'm just guessing.

All good!

Love with a capitol L. Also, for insights, try gazing at nature. Nature is the final result of the feedback loop that creates us - and there is so much wisdom that can be gained just by looking at it.

@Someone here But what if that same path leads to neutrality. I can see that in me, too, but I feel neutral about it because I took a shortcut towards happiness i.e. weed and coffee. Now I can think with some objectivity and I feel fully grounded, but it will wear off eventually - but in this state I would not feel attacked, whereas maybe on a different day if I wasn't feeling happy, then I might be more prone to being triggered. I think a person can get something out of conditioned happiness, provided the conditions do not go away. If I get to live in a peaceful setting with my needs met, then my thoughts will be clearer and I will be at peace and it will provide me with more opportunity to learn about peace. I find myself becoming more grounded with meds, too, also a substance/conditioned happiness. It's the left hand path. Happiness is a choice. Happiness is the will of the heart.

"Happiness is a direction, not a destination." - Fortune Cookie

I relate to this, it was caused by an abusive mother and absent or ignoring father - and I didn't get along well with peers so I never learned adult skills; but I can fake adulthood very easily and so people usually don't know. I feel very much like a girl in a woman's body and would like to change this, if possible, but I have a feeling that once such traits are cemented, they are hard to get rid of entirely. Interesting that there is a name for it, that's cool. It seems as though most mental disorders are caused by being raised in bad environments - perhaps with things like this, they should focus on prevention as much as possible. I can live with it. I can hide my immaturity in one sense, and then write it out and "grow up" on this forum just through self honesty and introspection, and perhaps it will bleed out into all areas of life?

Both. This sounds like me. There's still Truth there, we don't escape death, it's always right there staring us down whether we are an eternal child or wise old soul. Why can't the eternal child, in certain circumstances assuming all it's needs are met, transcend into a wise old soul? That's how I feel. When all my needs are met, I can creatively think once again, and I can step outside of myself to see the bigger picture. Happiness must play a big role in growth. I would say that we need it. I feel full of happiness and Love right now, but it did take a bit of a process to get there.

Dude that sucks, I'm sorry you're stuck in that situation.