Loba

Cool, I do automatic writing sometimes too. I'll have to read this a few times to understand it. It's amazing what can be written in lucid states.

For most it does not end and for a few it does; but do not assume it will end for you - most trauma is a road we walk along together for many lifetimes until we heal. Assume you will walk the road forever - and if it ends for you, then you are blessed. Just imo, don't follow my advice unless it feels right for you.

@Jacob Morres Nope. Could not be any other way.

@Judy2 Awww, he was such a little baby...! So cute! I want to protect his self. Awww. It was healthier back then for sure. No doubt. Leo, we like your vulnerable side.

@Knowledge Hoarder The muse is the soul reaching out, trust me dude, follow those moments of inspiration. Hedonism just increases inspiration. It does go somewhere, you just have to add "some" discipline. People that can live a life like this are blessed. They need to be grateful. Hedonism plus gratitude is a great life. I view working out when I want, baths when I want, anything 'when I want' hedonism, but it allows me creative thought; I draw well. After a few months of creative writing, I can draw again, and then write again, ect. People naturally gravitate towards healthy things. I don't think, all on their own, if free to do whatever, that it would be an unhealthy life. Hedonism to me = freedom of choice in the moment = greater chance of awakening.

I've tried it, I do both. I try to find as much pleasure as I can in life, but still do things that are beneficial. You can be a hedonist and take care of yourself at the same time, in fact, I spend most of the day just caring for myself and doing my best to love who I am and where I am in life, and I don't skimp on good food, or smoking bowls or having a drink. I like to spend my time writing things and enjoying new music. Every day, I just do things that make me happy and feel good and you know, I feel like it gets me to God and Love just as easily as hardcore spiritual practices. All you have to do is Love and be honest with yourself. I feel blessed to have this time. Gratitude, that's it. Hedonism is best done with a boatload of gratitude.

I don't think you die when you dream, I think that dreaming is similar to death, though, and that the afterlife will be a lot like the dreamworld. Doesn't the dream world often seem, like, oddly familiar, like you have been there before, sometimes?

@Inliytened1 I come back to the same dream nearly each night, and I hardly remember the dream - and I do the same thing I do here, which is try to wake up - when I wake up in my dream I remember my life here - and it is illuminated with the kind of consciousness an awakening experience is. I don't understand it, but it has a self aware quality to it. I feel that my dreams are just the other side of reality, and that I am trying to wake up from both sides. I think that dream characters are just different souls in the astral planes.

I think Bashar is awake and that there are other beings having their own experience...

Check out Mary Mueller Shutan's book on kundalini. http://maryshutan.com/books-2/ You can find all of her books on Amazon, she is a shamanic practitioner with a lot of experience in energy work. I really trust and recommend her. This book will work like a guide to help you all the way through that kind of process.

Yes, I believe that same sex couples should be allowed to live their lives as they see fit. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone, what people do with their sexuality should be permitted. If two same sex people want to get married, they have every right to. I feel that people don't need to dig into other people's sexualities unless they have an open mind, because if you don't have an open mind towards sexuality, you'll never really "get it"; that people are born a certain way - and even if it were circumstance; God wanted them to be that way. God is open minded towards unions..

@Ananta Maybe that is what I would do, is take people's pets in who are off fighting, or who have abandoned their pets. Temp. shelter space. I used to work at dog daycares and night shift so I know how to care for a lot of animals.. I might not want to flee, due to possibly pride, or because my life is here and I wouldn't know where to go. It's hard to know exactly how I'd react; it depends on the type of war, too. Which country it was, if I was living in a dangerous area, or a safe one.

I'd take my pets, my family and flee as I would be no good. I'd flee like a mouse. Or I might fawn and do nothing, just sit there. War is unimaginable to me.

Yeah, I totally relate to everything you wrote and have been starting to exercise more to try and fix it. I'm starting off with a pedal machine and 5 lb dumbbells and plan to increase this slowly - been working out 1/2 hr a day, plan to move up to 1 hr a day. I think that is the solution to a lot of it. I'll have to start doing that more, sometimes in my case there was spite, but it was like a stupid-spite, where I wasn't even aware that the other person might have opinions, motivations, ect - in a spiteful manner, one tends to forget these things and that is a form of stupidity for sure. I hate doing stupid things. I will work on it even more.

@Zeroguy Nice, Entj is a good one to have if you wanna get shit done. Nah, I've always been an infp.

@Cykaaaa I'm a channel, my entire journal for the first year delt with channeling; it was an intensive initiation process that took me past death, and into insanity. When you get really sick, your ego dies, and you are grounded in the body in a very real way, and I had moments of fevered living that lasted for months. The experiences I brought back from that gave me a unique perspective on what it means to be coral, as someone who has felt higher dimensional beings and works with archetypes. Archetypes are coral; they're original intentions programmed into us to move us towards awakening, that energy is a conscious intelligence of its own. I am still attached to this energy, and am in such a state right now so I can "kind of" explain it a bit. You don't have to believe, it is all about what resonates with you - what you "feel" is right for you. It really is, when putting together pieces of the puzzle of consciousness; my puzzles pieces might not work for your image. The path is very personal like that. <3 @Preety_India Sure, I will post in on your journal, give me a few hours I need to get in the right head space. It's kind of a very concentrated space, very present, and I can remember being awake in this space before, but I am less awake now then I have been. Let me sit and see what I can do, and if it seems relevant, great, if not, no worries.

They would have to manifest something on either a global or universal scale and could show me what that thing that they are manifesting is - in a way that I would understand. They would have all the other stages and so they would be able to explain it to me. If they could not explain it to me in a way that I could understand then I would not believe they are coral. They should be able to transmit this awakening to others who can See from the eyes alone. The eyes will reflect the entity purely. Ummm... let's see, they would have knowledge that is borderline alien to most human beings; and would have the solipsistic view of the world - for good or for evil, depending on what they want to do with it. They would indulge in pleasures, but their pleasures would be manifested on a much larger scale, you'd be dealing with a person who has a lot of Will. You build people up like this and serve them in order to manifest things on a large scale for humanity. Living Gods. Literally. They would have gone past the "death door" and all sorts of paranormal things happen around them. They control the weather sometimes. Some do. Some learn to be coral, and some are chosen from birth. Two magickal stages have been integrated; purple and turquoise. But, just like with what Teal Swan mentions with channelers, beings such as this often get stuck in a narcissistic, solipsistic view. It is still a contraction, a localization. These people are mad geniuses, and are effective all across the board - they get shit done. That's a fact. But you always notice something is off with them, like they talk past you a bit, or they can't quite "see" you; or sometimes there is an arrogance. Even beings in higher dimensions, like "aliens"/"archetypes", often take on this solipsistic view. But when it is at stage coral, this goes global/universal in understanding/manifestation. If "evil" - you will never be seen as more than a narcissistic extension. A non player character. If "good" - you will be seen as a soul with layers, and coral can move others up the spiral so that they exist not as egos, but as souls. These souls are in/make up a unified field of consciousness that is all One. That One is invisible, universal, all encompassing, Nothing, God. Coral thinks it is God, but is still a solipsistic localization, but it isn't the whole thing - it's still just a bubble - but it does not know this; and teaches or explains "universally" - but is still just a narcissistic bubble. Coral can be an alien or a human, but both make the same mistake. This video explains how that happens when corals channel God. This is timestamped. Watch it at the highest resolution. Do you see how they look like synapses in the brain? All those beautiful lights, slowly, time turns, this is your life, and at the end of the movie, the lights fade out across a dark ocean - a final lightening streak in the water indicating that the last bit of life has left you. Within those lights contain so much detail, billions of people living and dreaming, hoping, learning, growing and dying - all with worlds as complex as your own. Coral taps into this unified, and can, basically tweak things "under the curtains" to manifest on a global scale - this is called an aeonic force - and brings about a beginning or end to an age, depending on the will of the coral. They are focused on this to the detriment of really "seeing" people; their vision is so wide and expansive. To understand coral you need to either meet a higher dimensional being that can download you info, or you need to be in the presence of someone who is coral who can teach you - often just their presence and energy alone is enough. You know the type of teacher - they are like shamans who hold great power and what you see in the eyes isn't even human anymore. It is just raw intelligence and presence.

I agree with you there, because I've been both helpless, in the middle, intelligent and a bandit. And a lot of it has to do with circumstance, when my circumstances were not good, I was less intelligent because adapting has never been a skill of mine. I would place myself in the middle, but more leaning towards intelligent/helpless, with areas of stupidity certainly in some social situations or there's a few common sense things I still have yet to learn. I like the model, if people were more permitted to move around on it depending on any given day/task it would be more realistic.. I did learn something from it which is a great way to think about an action before one does it which is: "Does this not benefit me and does another person lose out as well?" Very simple, but something I sometimes overlook. Same here, I think what happened to me is trauma and autism combined; as a small child and adolescent I came across as a little adult sometimes, and now I feel childish when compared to adults around my age - what do you think caused it for you? Also, I bet that because one is aware of being socially stupid that it will eventually create less stupid outcomes, because stupidity is a lack of awareness - and you are aware; I think helpless and stupid can probably look alike if you "fawn" a lot. Do you feel like a lot of your actions are kind of automatic in a way? I get that a lot, like I feel like my movements aren't right, and I over focus on them and worry about them - and sometimes I zone out because of it, and then my actions become more automated - which is fine for things like typing, but not so great for things that require more self awareness.

@KoryKat Hi Kory, I suffer from some of the problems that you face, and what I do is write in a journal to get the stream of thoughts out. I don't want to lose them because sometimes they have valuable information about the psyche that I can use later. I tend to have a lot of thoughts that race around, and will give a lot of my energy on a given task only to get bored or burnt out and give up not much later. What I have been doing is a daily schedule that is easy for a beginner, and if I miss a day, I just get up and start again the next day. I also give myself weekends off, so I don't get burnt out. As the months go by, I will add on more and more to the list, but only if I am able to manage what I have and see some positive results. So far, I am starting to love myself more, I am gaining more self awareness and my spiritual abilities are getting better. The things I have added to my daily list are things that will fix a lot of what you are having trouble with: Sleep 10 hours - if you are burned out and anxious or depressed, you need more rest to heal. Work out 1/2 hour to start with and then work up to 1 hour a day. Meditate: 5 mins to start and then work up to 30 mins - 1hr a day - a deeper meditation is more important than a longer meditation, you really wanna just focus on being grounded and alert and paying attention to the breath. Daily grooming routine - shower, shave, brush teeth all of it, get dressed for the day. Give yourself time in the day to just heal and Be. Without the thoughts, just observe what is in the room. These are little steps that will have the biggest results. You'll be healthy, well rested, able to concentrate for longer, and have self-respect because you took care of your body. Let go of your thoughts through meditation, you are getting a mental illness if you don't. Meditation is the cure for this. Retrain the mind to experience joy. This is what is called increasing your vibration. Try this one for one week, it is very gentle and allows you to go back in your thoughts - the video reminds you to be present again and is imo one of the better beginner videos out there. In order to just do it - you have resistance. I do, too, it sucks! How to build new habits! This guys advice does work. Try it with the new habits. These symptoms you describe are the beginning or intermediate stages of a mental illness of some sort, of which I do not know. You will want to get a handle on that asap. You will have to take extra special care of yourself. Sensitive people can often get these problems. If you allow it to go on too long, it can turn into what is called a thought disorder, which is basically psychosis. If you can't maintain a schedule at all, and are having a very hard time with executive functioning skills - I would contact a doctor as well and explain your symptoms. I have bipolar, and I had to go on meds to control mine, and now I am able to do a lot more than I could before and the thoughts do not affect me as much. Because I'm not a doctor, there is only so much I can do - but what you describe is very similar to what I experienced when in the middle of a psychotic episode. Especially if you are feeling suicidal, you'll want to talk to someone about that - this is also a bad sign. Journaling can help a lot. When I do, it allows me to move past thoughts much quicker and I can find out through awareness if what I am doing is not working out for me. When I can see my habits written down, and I take the time to accomplish one by one each day, this allows little dopamine hits, which retrains the brain to learn to love doing these positive things. I use colours and change the colour of the thing I accomplished - I get a little "rush" and then it makes me want to accomplish even more. Kind of like getting a gold star on a report card or something like that. And missing a day or two is okay, just get back up the next day - don't even feel bad because it's going to happen.

My awakening experiences told me that we have a pseudo-choice, but this choice is actually an illusion created by the ego - there is no real choice - I was chosen to be a shaman and I was told it was a choice made for me before my birth - and all events in my life were circumstances put in place to lead to that awakening in that moment. The moment is Now; and when I am in Now - then I can be a shaman because I can translate more efficiently, but it is a hobby that takes practice.. I get what you are saying and have come to similar conclusions, and had awakenings from such conclusions into the illusory lie that is death.

It does. The guy told them I smoked meth and I was like, wth, no I don't, drug test me. I looked them in the eyes and told them straight up that he asked me out and I rejected him and he was just doing that because he was mad. I was living with a guy that I liked at the time and wasn't about to dump him for that person - and when I got the guy a job working there, too, that's when the rumours spread about me. And they were so laughably untrue and I was so upfront about it - I stood up for myself, that might be what you have to do if a rumour gets to the boss. Be very stern about what is happening, too - like, give the boss no indication that you would ever be a liar and if you can do that, then generally guys like that won't be believed. That's what I had to do and it worked out.