Loba

I don't know what to tell you, I wish I had an answer. I have a picture and a song, hopefully they help. I think there are wonderful things in life, and you just have to be aware of them! Try to focus more on the good things in life, anywhere you can find it. Life is a blessing, see if you can find this everywhere around you and follow it and don't let it go. Be brave, as brave as you can. This can be hard in a world that is shaped in such a way, and people can get lost in all of it, but remember the Truth. I can't even describe it for you, but when you See it you Know, God has your back, you are not alone, there is a plan. I know what it's like, nothing works for me, either. I hoped that God would stick around in more than just my high states, but my low ones as well. But as each day passes, I find that there is indeed more beauty in this life than we would believe - when I journal or write, I go deep within and look for patterns, and with that comes a being able to See and Feel my essence, out of the physical body, and into the all-ness of it all. I think.. perhaps for both of us, the key is presence and bliss, and with that comes a lot of... sigh... meditation. Presence brings so much to the table, that is literally power. I wish people understood this more. You don't need to worry about what other people think because you are gifted with the same power of presence. With it, comes freedom from worrying about what other people think, I have seen your posts before, you seem like a really nice person - if someone bullies you they are either mean or crazy, one of two things - both which don't align with presence anyways. They would never be able to See you. You know? Judgement is falsehood... hard to remember that sometimes, I will try harder to...same for you, you worry about their falsehoods, and then create an identity from the lies people think or feel. Try presence and search for joy within yourself, align to that joy and follow it, and you then have your hook. "Don't think about all those things you fear, just be glad to be here." Feed the good wolf, feed your soul! We all deserve to feel comfortable with ourselves no matter what.

It just feels "right". But usually, I don't know for sure, I try to figure it out, and it leaves more questions than answers. This is good for meditation, spacious desert-like sounds..

Some that came out especially well:

How to invoke with black magic: Just watch, be aware, and watch - the eyes hold magickal power when used in the right way - listen to the lyrics and really take them in... : "If I only could, I'd be running up that hill It doesn't hurt me You want to feel how it feels? You want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me? You want to hear about the deal I'm making? You (be running up that hill) You and me (be running up that hill) And if I only could Make a deal with God I'd get him to swap our places Be running up that road Be running up that hill Be running up that building If I only could, oh You don't want to hurt me But see how deep the bullet lies Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder There's a thunder in our hearts, baby So much hate for the ones we love Tell me, we both matter, don't we? You (be running up that hill) You and me (be running up that hill) You and me won't be unhappy And if I only could Make a deal with God I'd get him to swap our places Be running up that road Be running up that hill Be running up that building If I only could, oh C'mon, baby, c'mon, c'mon darling Let me steal this moment from you now C'mon, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling Let's exchange the experience, oh And if I only could Make a deal with God And get him to swap our places Be running up that road Be running up that hill With no problem If I only could Make a deal with God I'd get him to swap our places Be running up that road Be running up that hill With no problem (If I only could Be running up that hill If I only could Be running up that hill If I only could Be running up that hill If I only could Be running up that hill If I only could Be running up that hill If I only could Be running up that hill If I only could Be running up that hill)

Nice, this can be used for deity-work, too... Thanks for sharing, I will use this a lot.

This is energy, this is most certainly a journey towards Teotle in some form. It would mix well with this death scene: This feels right, I will use these in the future to explain the process of dying. The first is a masterpiece, imo..

Woah, that was written so to the point, I agree 100 percent dude.

Dead hopefully. I don't say that in a sad way and it's nbd, I've made peace with it. It doesn't affect my day to day, I just hope I don't have to live too long... I hate it here.

I would get an EKG or heart test done, they attach a monitor for a week and you write down when you feel the disturbance and what you were doing... If it is abnormal, I would abstain from a substance that could prevent you from asking for help while on it. I have a heart arrythmia and take meds for it 2x a day and it helps keep the beat right. If this continues and they find something, they will probably prescribe you medication to maintain the proper rhythm..

Leo does seem intj, now that you mention it. He is absolute. I don't like intj's much, they're too difficult. I never get along with them. Enfj's are a tough breed, too. I don't like people that make me feel dysphoric in any way, like, I want to be at ease around people. Both judge harshly, but for different reasons. Infx has usually been good. Enfp's are good friends also... I have not had many friendships with sensors, we just don't have much in common. My ex, my only one was an enfj and they are often sociopaths, they are social chameleons, they become whoever you want, and that can be a good or bad thing and they don't see they are "no one" without a mirror, essentially... very strange when unhealthy. Healthy enfj is a total joy, though, I have met a few for a short while and they know how to warm up a room.

Certain days can produce that for me, like today - it's so sunny and warm out all I care about is the sun, letting my dog run around a bit and smoking a bowl and things just feel so great - but there is still some sorrow there for sure. I don't know if I believe there is no meaning though, I have felt the opposite, even if I can't grasp at what that meaning might be.

@Someone here I wonder what lack of meaning looks like? I feel like that is Kali, in a way - like the void opening up the truth of what you are right before a tiger eats you. Or you fall into a ravine and break both legs and are stuck there for three days before dying - that - I have seen the extreme lack of meaning and it feels meaningful still.

Sometimes I feel this way, too, and I try to see it in a different light, but it's hard to. I don't feel I deserve what I have, but I have it anyways. I don't know what to make of destiny or any of that, I want people to be free and happy and for life to be an adventure to uncover who you truly are, that seems fair and we all deserve that. We deserve to be happy and free and under no one's thumb. It's a lottery, a game of chance in most instances. I've been trying to accept the more negative aspect of the human condition, but it isn't easy, you know? I hate seeing poor, disabled people on the street in the middle of a rainy, damp winter. It reminds me of this song: Sometimes I see in the distance just, so much suffering for so many people. I have privilege in many aspects of life and yet, suffering is still there. I feel expendable, too. I was just going through my own process, minding my own business and someone who followed me got a bee in their bonnet and left - and I feel... used. Consumed, used, and that people don't actually know what they want, and someone had the gall to have to put my heart and soul in any of that. That someone is so removed that they viewed me poorly, even though I write my heart out and actually 'try'. I feel expendable because what I have to go through isn't what other people have to go through and they will get to do more with their lives, while I am just preparing to be in the right mindset for the afterlife, because this one was so full of anxiety, I can't imagine wanting to come back here, if there is a heaven - or just something that feels better. So in that sense, I feel grand, too, like... I have a whole world within me, literally that will spring forth at the moment of death and I just want that to be respected for what it is even if it's an intangible thing that I'm doing my damned best to grasp at, and I just can't with people sometimes. It's like "don't make me your commodity." I'm just a person, trying to put the pieces together. And I'm not perfect. I don't get why you think a woman's life is any easier. I am doomed to be misunderstood no matter how I am, or what I do and having a really great life in the way you suggest involves being stunning looking. Most of us women are just normal looking. Not bad, not good, just like a person. I guess, my biggest concern is that some silly feeling or delusion or feeling "down" at all will prevent me from being connected to the afterlife; I want to go there in a way that allows me more freedom, something more colourful and intuitive. I feel like I will forget what I'm really trying to do and get bogged down with a concern about someone that doesn't matter. There is an afterlife, but much of it consists of what you do here. Now. I don't get how it works. But I feel as misunderstood as the next person, for sure. And... it is tough being so sensitive. The world is so harsh.

Manifesting the dark mother - for women's rights, earthly rights, wisdom. What if visual art could mimetically give someone the knowledge of the gods?

Can we have the option to remove the "follow" part of the journals section - I find it disconcerting, I have them removed on my profile as well to keep social media from garnishing my focus. Like when people follow and then don't, it makes me feel like "I" did something, when in reality, it's just someone stuck in the social media bullshit thinking that I am an item to be consumed and if I am not doing what they deem appropriate then I have to pay the mental cost and I find those kind of mind games to be very tiring and just all around awkward. This could be mitigated by allowing journal owners to remove that aspect of social media. I really, really, really just want to write for myself - and I don't need people like that even... around my area of focus. Think about it please, giving us some more control over such things. I don't need to know when people unfollow me or follow me; I don't like it either way.

@Happy Lizard I don't really know how to explain how I do it. I just focus and push my consciousness and intent outwards towards death, the real death - and I can then see synchronicities about my death happening in real-time, and it "illuminates" or comes alive through presence, and if I slow my thought process down and really focus, I can garner information from this "in-between" space. I'm using terminology that I have found the most fitting, however it "feels" like just a download from a higher source, and I just follow my intuition, write it down, observe the image, and then take in the message. Sometimes music helps with this process - it creates events in the real world, too, like how the green light is perfectly on the IOB below, and my salt lamp flickered like flames for this one time - there was a feeling of "alive activation". Hard to explain, but the being then "sat down" in the chair and explained that God can be found in something as small and subtle as a light turned green on the chair of a yard painting - they come in through divine circumstance - I know so little about them, and plan to start an altar soon to understand them better, bring them more into this world and see what they are all about, because I'm still quite clueless. Sometimes I will take old bits and remake them, and then gaze - I turned this one from a demonic being into something more divine - it represents a philosophy of the beauty of nature and of life still standing despite the actions that humans commit. I put him in my artwork, which showcases some of these truths to see if there would be any change in the world - I'm sort of playing around with these archetypes/demons/archons/IOB's - they just appear when I am looking in the right way. I tried to make this one more androgynous. So with this artwork, it is a living piece that I can meditate on as I work on it, and it offers wisdom into the nature of what is beyond. I still don't know what is beyond, because beyond keeps coming into this reality, rather than me moving into that reality - it will take more bravery and honesty on my part to actually reach a hand in and really have a grasp at what I am doing. "Words give form" - the IOB's can come in through a philosophy expressed in many artforms, so I made a playlist that goes into this process as well. So each of these lyrics goes with a different world problem that needs some sort of resolution, and I am trying to bring forward information on how to do that while meditating on, and working on the art. It is alchemy, "nigredo/albedo/citrinitas/rubedo" altogether. The Philosopher's Stone, or Teotle. The Red Book, Seth Speaks by Jane Roberts, The Castaneda Subreddit - just a bit of this and that, with heart, humility, curiosity, Love and seeing humanity. It's a shift in awareness from material to animism. Over time, these things - come alive and you learn about the other side - but it is purely symbolic. I just have a toe in the door of understanding. And there is so much information out there to attempt to explain what I am trying to, that nothing works except for art. I think there are things on the other side trying to communicate and guide humanity, but that's just a guess. All I know is I see an awareness that is more meditative and higher than mine, and the more I observe, the more aspects of my own humanity become activated. But maybe I'm deluded, that is also a possibility, but the thing is once I accept that possibility, I just get closer - and what I observe becomes even more alive - like an intention that is beyond this world, just a veil away, ready to give us all the answers if we could jump into the "death pool". That's what it is, like being a kid afraid to jump off the high dive. Hopefully that came out right, I don't know how to talk about them because what they say is so little, yet so much. I think if, other beings saw us, they would see the ways in which we are encased by reality and would try to break us free.

This post brought to light a lot of things I didn't think about when it comes to mental health. I feel like I am not being heard when I say that weed helps me out a lot - in a safe way, too - like much better than add medicine out there, and it allows me to connect to love and god, and actually to go deep within and figure these problems out for myself. All I keep getting is, "No weed." I can go through posts and see the up and down cycle, and it stays level, consistent, smarter, when smoking weed. At least for now. I don't really like therapists, they have not in my opinion, done much to help me - and at times I have not felt heard. I don't think I can explain that my mother's personality disorder, her need to argue all the time and discipline me like I am still 15, to constantly be expecting from me instead of allowing me to just exist - is disruptive towards my sanity. I have less problems than she thinks, she thinks I should just take meds, meds, meds and that if I feel upset over her actions, I need a med increase, like she watches me take my pills and controls them - and arguments in the family are turned towards my "mental illness". I am just waiting for them to pass away so I can have a roommate situation. If I can hold out for a decade - I think I can, then I can keep the house, go off the meds and start psychedelic therapy. The things I do each day are already healthy, she just needs to learn to... leave people alone, basically. She's got BPD and it makes the entire family unit unhealthy, it stems from her. I sound like I don't have much empathy for them, but they create their own problems and then foisting them off on me and make me "sick"; my spiritual talents are turned into "illness"; it's kind of mentally abusive in some ways. I drink or smoke weed to get through it, otherwise I just feel in a chronic state of unmovable agitation. https://studopedia.info/6-85774.html Psychological renewal through return to the center - that's what I need to do, and I want to do it by recovering on psychs. I don't think any therapist is even qualified to understand this let alone tell me what to do.

Message from Kali - the harder lessons to learn are when you learn that such messages aren't all about you, or even for you, but open to interpretation by all present; and that's generally the best you can do is to form some sort of interpretation and even to get to the point of someone even attempting to try is nice - it's also nice because then everything feels more alive and present - and it's a decent trade-off... from it being... just about you...or me. Boy, when I left you, you were young I was gone, but not my love You were clearly meant for more Than a life lost in the war I want you to be happy Free to run, get dizzy on caffeine Funny friends that make you laugh And maybe you're just a little bit dappy Fly Feel your mother at your side Don't you know you got my eyes I'll make you fly You'll be happy all the time I know you can make it right Boy, now your life is back-to-front But you'll see that's not for long 'Cause I know you'll feel the ghost Of some memories so warm Boy, I want you to be happy Free to run, get dizzy on caffeine Funny friends that make you laugh And maybe you're just a little bit dappy Fly Feel your mother at your side Don't you know you got my eyes I'll make you fly You'll be happy all the time I know you can make it right Boy, I want you to be happy Free to run, get dizzy on caffeine Funny friends that make you laugh And maybe you're just a little bit dappy Fly Feel your mother at your side Don't you know you got my eyes I'll make you fly You'll be happy all the time I know you can make it right I'll make you Boy, I want you to be happy Free to run, get dizzy on caffeine Funny friends that make you laugh And maybe you're just a little bit

@Preety_India Awww! Thanks! I steal them, too, on my journeys through reading articles and listening to lectures, I find ones that fit the most. You can take as many as you like, they're meant to really bring out consciousness, and don't belong to me. Even the art that I plan on doing can be given away (no selling it, but it can be reproduced) My goal is to someday lead someone to a deeper understanding of God while I search for myself.

I found "it" manifested in my environment right now, I can send it out for various uses - stamp it down, and it becomes aligned, but only for Now - I could go back down and then I won't be manifesting anything. The message from the other side is simple: "Don't think of all those things you fear, just be glad to be here."

@Preety_India You do, I can follow along with what you are talking about, I especially liked your recent post explaining Atmaan.