Loba

I get that, too. Sometimes I will look at a post on here that I wrote like a year ago and wonder, "Why did I say that? Why did I react in that way?" And then I get this feeling in my gut of disgust in relation to certain habits, egoic dramatic reactions and so forth and try to work through it. I realize that we are all on a path of growth and everyone has acted in a cringe way at some point in time, no one is completely perfect. Some people do it more often, some do it less often. The point is, the fact that you can look at your past self and see where things went wrong and that you've improved are a testament to your growth as an individual. We are works in progress, we aren't built complete. Personally, I experience self-cringe often, even just looking at myself from a month ago, I try to improve on my reactions, esp. when it comes to the ego and it's little dramas. I would view it as a positive thing, it means that you are self-aware and want to improve. People that don't experience cringe or don't self reflect never grow as people, they remain stuck doing the same stupid stuff and never growing from it. Have you ever met someone like that, someone that basically just keeps hitting their head against a wall over and over and won't take two seconds to look in the mirror and ask themselves why they are doing that? Well, you're not like that, if you experience regret for an action you once had. It's a good thing. Hope that helps.

That is terrible advice as unhealthy people can make healthy people unhealthy. People with personality disorders and other issues shouldn't be leaning in on healthy people to "fix" them. It's clear that after years of trolling this site and others, looking for men to fix her, OP hasn't learned anything. Have any of them fixed you yet? No. Because only you can fix you. SMH. Seriously, grow out of this need for other people to fix and cater to you, it's so old it isn't even funny.

I don't know, I think if you want to look better that's totally valid. Plus, being in shape is healthy and that's a good thing. Do what you feel is best for you, don't worry about what other people say, you're not going to turn into a narcissist from exercise, lol. Personally, I don't place a lot of importance in appearance, for myself or others, but at the same time, looks are indeed important in this world. You'll get ahead in life much easier if you look better, this is a fact, for men and for women. Nothing wrong with wanting to be pretty and sharing your results, you clearly put a lot of work into yourself and you're doing great, so keep it up! All the best.

Awww, I hear you, I always used to hate dating for that reason. It's hard to put yourself out there, being vulnerable with people, getting to know them and then not having it work out. But you know, it's not on you, and if it doesn't work out because of either you or them, then this is ultimately a good thing because your heart would get broken even more if you end up with someone that you don't want to be with and visa versa. Love takes time and effort to find, please try your best not to let experiences that don't work out get to you. For most men and women, it takes a lot of trial and error to find someone that they click with. This is a good thing. People are all so different, they come from so many different walks in life that if you're just dating short term, you'll never really know why it didn't work out. It more often than not has absolutely nothing to do with you at all. I don't know if that helps at all, but just remember to keep it fun, light and carefree to start with. Don't put your heart on the line so quickly, you're just mixing and mingling. Remind yourself, that there are many variables that you don't initially see for why things don't work. You'll never have the full picture, it's not you.

I don't believe this and I will tell you why, but I also prefer that other people choose to believe what they want so as I write this, these are just my personal experiences, I think everyone needs to derive what death means for themselves and themselves alone. Back in 2016, my autoimmune disease started and I had to do a lot of work on myself. Mentally, emotionally. Around that time it was the worst that it has ever been since and I had to come to terms with death in a very real, very tangible way. What I did, not knowing that spirituality was a thing, was that I looked into every area of my ego that I could find and dissected it, why do I act the way that I do? I naturally started to meditate near the end of this process and had many moments of just being. When I finally let go of the need to be alive, I listened to some music and looked at some pictures of nature and I found God in it. It wasn't like imagination, like what you think is something that will happen, it was more like, what we place over everything needs to be looked into and removed so that we can see that God is literally right underneath all of it. Just there. And there was an underlying structure to reality that is so hard to articulate, but it let me know that the entire evolutionary process was so that God could witness itself in its creations, it felt like, although it was there the whole time, that something was just as activated within it as it was within myself. I learned that everything in the universe is in its right place, that there is a plan even though life seems on the outside of all of it, to be so chaotic. I learned that most of us can't see this order in the mess. Sometimes I forget this. I heard the sound of everyone that ever was and will be congratulating me for waking up to this and it felt like everyone was connected just outside of spacetime to this singular point of love, that nothing ever died and was always right there the whole time. I realized, that from this vantage point, that I would never die. This was the ultimate structure of God, all its creations connected together in unison moving towards this singularity. I had other awakenings where I felt my soul family around me, like I was in a room full of other bubbles of awareness, that I was always connected to them and always will be, and I also feel as though I felt a partner, but that experience was the most vague, so I question it sometimes. But the soul family, the singularity, all of that was clear as day, it wasn't like being in some imaginative place, it was like having the curtains removed, blinders taken off and that I could see the underlying anatomy to all of creation itself. I think there is actually a structure to all of this that can be tapped into, that I wouldn't just trust that whatever you imagine is what you create, I think that it's more like, throwing even that away, just keep digging into your psychology and ego and then letting the idea of even living for one more day, let that go. Literally let your life go, and so too will all the ideas and then you'll be left with just God, and when you find it, then allow it to tell you what's really going on, don't overlay it with any ideation.

I mean, I'm not shaming you for it, if this is what you want to do that's fine, I just think you'll be less likely to find true love if she is in it for your money and not for who you are as a person and I think that people deserve to find love for who they are and not just what they can provide. I had a dream about being a sugar baby last night, actually. I was living in a house with a rich older fat dude and in this dream I was in my early 20's and I remember putting on a lot of makeup in the mirror and getting ready to have sex with him and I felt really gross. He was like a mafia boss or something, the house looked like it came from the 1920's. Anyways, when I woke up I felt really grossed out and confused by the dream. I think women that get with men just because they are rich, if there isn't an attraction to the guy, that they have to override a lot of their natural instincts. We do like providers, but if there isn't an emotional component to it, then we won't fall in love. We get kind of grossed out and sex becomes mechanical. Think Melania and Trump, there's no way she is actually attracted to that man, and she probably has had to really overcome a lot of disgust to be with him. What if you got with a girl and did not let her know that you had a lot of money and allowed her to get to know you for who you are, love you for who you are, and 'then' treated her like a sugar baby after she falls in love? Then she wouldn't be reliant or expectant on your money, and the money would just be the icing on the cake? You can do both, but you just need to hold out on giving her things. I don't know, I'm kind of limited in this area, as I have never been or felt the need to be a sugar baby.

If you're going into it where she is relying on you for money, which is what sugar babies are, women who get with guys strictly for having things paid for them, it's going to be hard to keep her around unless you have tons of money to spend on her. She might love your money, but what will you do if you run out? She'll look for the next best guy who can fill her pockets. It's not her fault, that's just how women like this are, but expecting them to actually love you for who you are is most likely not going to happen. But never say never. I guess my question would be, do you think you can only attract a nice woman if you offer her a lot of money, or is this just something that you find appealing? And why so, why does giving a woman more than she deserves in your hard earned money something that appeals to you?

And one more thing, it doesn't sit right with me that people offer their opinions on this and then they get called out in separate threads. It reads like OP is forcing their opinion off in a call-out-thread on Nilsi, who is just a 22 year old kid. 22 year olds barely have enough life experience to help themselves let alone another person, it makes absolute sense that he wouldn't want to be dealing with a mentally ill girlfriend. When you're young, the first few people that you date set in stone a lot of how you view the opposite sex and people that are barely adults don't need to be playing therapist with one another. Maybe, maybe a man in his late thirties to early forties, after having some experience, could perhaps help a younger woman who is off the track a little bit get back on it, but someone who is just two four three (apparently I can't count today.) years out of their teenage years isn't going to know what to do. They're still developing themselves.

I agree with you there, someone healthy wouldn't be in a relationship with an unhealthy person unless there was a chink in the armour. Unhealthy people attach to one another because of similar issues that they had in childhood that work well together... for a time... I wouldn't say people always do things to benefit themselves, I mean, I've found myself doing things for others simply because at the time it seemed like the right thing to do. Example - about four years ago a homeless man had passed out in front of my place and it was like 20 degrees outside and all he had on was a ski jacket so I brought out my down blanket and put it over him and left some pizza in a bag for him. I didn't have to, there was no benefit to me and in fact, I did need that blanket, but it was a matter of - do I ignore this person and possibly have them die or do I do something so they don't literally freeze to death? The thing is, I think people can make more of a difference in situations like this, so if you're someone who does have a chink in their armour and they want to help people, you can volunteer and stuff like that, you don't have to take people on as your pet projects.

@Yali Some girls are more visual, some aren't. Going to the gym certainly would help if you end up being interested in a woman who is more visual. Me personally, I have been attracted to body types of all sorts, thin, thick, short, tall - but usually men who are fit do get better results, especially with women that are super attractive. I would definitely stick with continuing to talk to all sorts of women and don't give up, I know it can be hard, especially for guys because y'all have to do most of the work, but it will pay off. Best of luck!

Because you are a young man, and whether or not you realize this, you need the experience of being with women to be a healthy adult male. It's a part of what it means to be a man - to try multiple partners, figure out what you like and what you need, and then maybe if you're so inclined to settle down with one person. Men who don't take the time to learn to talk to women, to have relationships and sex, they end up bitter, sad, sometimes resentful and there is a threshold that you can cross where you're too old to learn this stuff without coming across as kind of weird. You look like a nice, cute young guy - if you learn to talk to women I don't think you'll have much trouble finding some to go out with you. Keep your options open, don't let that window of opportunity fly by just because of some belief like "God fucks all the bitches so why should I bother?"

I don't know... I happen to be similar to the women you're describing and I don't view myself as relationship material and try to avoid them because I value not wasting other people's time. There was a window of opportunity in my early 20's, before things compounded too much, when if I had found the right guy my life would have taken a completely different turn. But I wasted it on chasing the wrong person, thinking that their shitty behaviour towards me was a reflection on me not doing enough or being good enough. I mean, I've always liked the idea of a guy being more dominant, taking the lead role and even helping me work through some of those things, but I feel too old for it now, it's time to pass the baton on to women who are younger, more capable of changing their lives around. I hate to say it, but not everyone gets a happily ever after, this is the real world and in the real world people don't want to deal with someone who has a lot of problems. Life is hard enough as it is without having to take on another person and having them add on to it. Relationships should be about easing the struggle of life, not adding onto it. And if you're a person who offers more problems than solutions, then you should just do the right thing and step aside. Relationships aren't something you are just given, they take work, they take cooperation, and not everyone deserves them. They are a responsibility. When you get into a relationship with another person, you become responsible for them in some ways. I think that people with a lot of problems can make great friends. I happen to be a really good friend. But in the arena of partnership, it's not really what I am meant for. I mean, do I wish it was different? That I could be? Of course, but at the end of the day, I made certain choices in life, some were foist on me, but why should someone else be responsible for picking up the pieces? It just seems like a shitty deal, and a lot of women have it in their minds that this is what men are supposed to do. That they're supposed to be these dominant fixers, but they're just as lost as clueless and confused as the women they are dating. If they weren't, they wouldn't be dating women like this in the first place. No one goes out of their way to expend more energy than they need to. Life is ruthless. If you're fucked up, well... best to learn to live on your own. You "might" get lucky and find someone who can put up with it - but they never should have to. And usually they're just doing it because they are broken themselves in some way. Broken people attract broken people, just like healthy people attract healthy people. But have no fear, if you're screwed in the relationship arena like I am, there are still plenty of ways to find love. I keep pets. I give them wonderful little lives and dote on them all the time. If you're someone who enjoys friendships, you can find many of the things you're looking for in friendships, and the great thing about them is that it is easier to put proper boundaries in a friendship so no one ever ends up offering or taking more than they should, if you have a decent family, then spending time with them is also nice. And finally, we are all connected. We have soul families and some of us even have soul partners, perhaps waiting on the other side for us to return home. I think that it will work out for everyone in the end, it's just something you have to wait for, you know? I don't know. Personally, I would never allow myself to be vulnerable in a relationship again - it's just not going to happen. I also don't think that relationships need to be the focal point of one's life and that there are many more things to do while here on this earth.

That's weird as fuck girl. He wants a tattoo of you on him for the rest of his life and he just met you. Assuming he is being serious, if someone said that to me, I would think it was a joke. I'd personally be super creeped out about the idea that my mug was on someone's skin for the rest of their life. Every day, looking at my face, and if it didn't work out, what then? And then I'd live my life knowing some creep had my face plastered on their skin for the rest of their life. And what would happen if he wanted to sleep with other women. My stony-ass eyes would be looking at her the whole time while she's trying to suck him off. Ugh... but in your favour it's a better situation than the guy who wanted to make your skin into an umbrella or something like that. ...Where exactly are you finding these people?

You're welcome David! I see it missing in a large portion of the population as well, but I have hopes that it will change in the future. Some areas of the world are not like that at all, it seems to be a mostly western problem. I think that as we begin to see the importance of community and working together as a species that the rough individualism will settle down a bit and we will all have the best of both worlds. That's good, so sorry to hear you weren't feeling well. Oh no, I am sorry to hear that, that's so young. I see, I understand, too. I haven't lived the healthiest lifestyle and I have an autoimmune disease that could possibly eat up a large portion of my years on this planet, it's hard to know because it fluctuates in degree of symptoms. Do you feel that this lifestyle is taking its toll on your health right now? I get that, I like to plan ahead, too. I feel I will probably leave this world in my 50's and do a lot of premature planning, just so that there are no surprises when it happens. 11 years is still a good long while, and who knows, maybe God will give you a few more years? Sometimes people who live unhealthy lifestyles manage to beat the odds and live a really long time, but I can certainly see the benefits of getting yourself emotionally/psychologically ready for the big sleep. In my experience, there will be things to look forward to when the time comes. I think each person gets their own individualized experiences so I don't wanna put mine off onto you, but death is/will be a warm, connected and peaceful experience once a certain threshold is crossed.

@Raptorsin7 Alright, well if you're going to be prickly towards me, then I know when to take my leave. Either way, I do wish you the best and I'm not really sure what you mean by me "thinking" I am genuine and not offering something for you. A person can be genuine and ultimately offer nothing at all, that's more or less a values judgement on your end rather than whether or not I am being genuine, but I feel like this is getting kind of convoluted. It just looks to me like you waste your family's money on nonsense that gets you nowhere and then you flaunt that on this website and it looks really, really... really... stupid. Later.

@Raptorsin7 Alright fair enough, I guess I just worry because it seems like you spend a pretty penny on things that don't seem like solutions... I just read your initial comment on this and didn't bother a whole lot with the entire thread. It just reads like a scam, first and foremost and I don't trust this man, and it also looks like you're dismissing advice from people who could lead you in the right direction. What exactly are you looking for in life? I mean, you're wealthy, right? What do you need more money for? What is your end goal and so forth? Does this current money have the potential of going away in the future? Is that why you've signed up to this? Anyways, I'm speaking to you from a purely kind-hearted, non-judgmental nor argumentative place, so don't worry about that. @KH2 Aww. *pat pat* It's been a busy day for me and I haven't had the time to read through this whole thing. You could be right, hun.

@Raptorsin7 And that's okay. I don't really have a sense of judgement, more like a worry that people are going to end up feeling displaced and lonely. My intentions are pure, I just don't want to see anyone fucked over or given the wrong advice that is going to hurt them later on down the road. It could be that I am just older than most of the guys here so my take is a bit different and that's okay, too. Let us know how everything goes! I do genuinely hope that HU finds you the skills you're looking for. Honestly, anything really, that gets people to feeling and being wherever they want to be in life, that's my position.

@Raptorsin7 Awww, come on now, have you ever followed any of his posts? He's a nice self made dude who made a happy life for himself. I'm ""envious"" - more like low-key happy for anyone who has some moments of joy in this life. Life is hard you know? When you see people who find some solace in this world, then listen to them. Andrew Tate is not a guy who has found happiness within himself. I feel a motherly sense of sadness for men like him who are lost in this kind of lifestyle.

@Raptorsin7 Yeah but he enjoys his life, is happy and finds nice women without exploiting them. I mean, he is doing better than 99 percent of the people here and doesn't rely on mommy-daddy funds, he does it himself.

@Raptorsin7 He actually is. LMFAO.

I guess I have some questions first and foremost, why do you feel like you're going to die in your 50's? People often live to their 70-90's. What's going on dude? Are you sick? And if so, is there anything that you need? I follow your journal sometimes. I remember you mentioning a few times you felt as if you were close to passing. Whatever happens, keep us updated, I hope you feel better. <3 And, I have some experience with the afterlife and know without a doubt it will be a super fun, marvelous place. Maybe those who have a proclivity for it can go to some tavern in the afterlife, when we are all free and happy and carefree and have a mug of ambrosia? I hear it tastes as sweet as honey, but gets you drunk as a skunk. All the best. -Annie

Awww, poor guy. That is getting up there in years. *pat pat* I'm sure you'll find a nice girl, just keep trying - don't give up! Try dating websites if you can, really anything at all. Just get yourself out there. It sucks you don't live in a country where women and men are more free to have sex with acquaintances. Maybe you can find a nice girl in another country and go visit her and have sex there? Just don't let yourself fall into that incel mentality, it doesn't do anyone any good. You gotta keep your options open and a positive outlook.

I'm shocked that you don't think you're smart. I read your journal from time to time and smart is one of the words I would use to describe you. I would look into the thought of not being intelligent as a limiting believe that perhaps you think is true by may actually not be congruent with who you really are. You're smart. Absolutely.

@Yali Cuz I had an ex who was a cheater, who used my money for drugs, who had me pay rent and promise he would pay me back but left after he got a great paying job, who made a video of me when I was drunk and posted it online, who abused me emotionally and psychologically, who beat his ex with a hammer and blamed her for her friend's suicide, who blamed me for needing to go to a mental hospital for a time, who separated me from knowing his friends and never told them what he was doing with me but complained about me to them nonstop, who when I tried to kick him out told me he would break everything I own, who used rich women, who was super submissive with dominant women but treated subs like shit even though he wanted them and would pretend like he was a problem solver but was ultimately just a beta male pretending to be a big man. I was young and wasted my youth on him because I come from a home where I was taught to acquiesce to people who appear stronger and more capable than myself and I figured if I was just "good enough" that he would love me, but he kept me on a string for a long time. Cuz I had a close friend who had sisters that were molested and instead of understanding their pain, he became a predator and I didn't know and after I let him know I didn't want to do anything with him, he would try for over a year, and would try to "sell me" behind my back at parties to other men and actually got me wasted and then brought a friend of his over while I was too drunk to really say no and we did it - the girl who liked that guy got mad and ended up getting with a guy I was starting to get to know - even though she was a low class escort, the friend made me look like someone that I never was - the girl, who was known for being a cheap floozy ended up starting a family with this dude and he was a total babe. I lost out for sure because of this "friend's" actions towards me. He knew I had been a victim of molestation as a child and when I questioned him on it I learned that he knew I had a weakness in me. He kept all my childhood friends and I lost them when I tried to explain my side of the story despite the fact that he had been a repeat offender, and I had taken his side before seeing the whole picture, perhaps when it came 'round to my turn it was my karma for not knowing to stand up to what was right when it was happening to a friend... I could go on, there are more experiences, but suffice to say, I look here and I see how men talk about women and it just reminds me of these moments in my life that I had with guys when I was young and stupid, and I realize that most of them aren't really much different. I kind of shut myself off from it. Pretty much I trust one guy on this website because he accepts me and is kind to me, but he's too young for me; and I have too much baggage and don't believe in siphoning that on other people, so I just kind of let him do his own thing - sometimes just expressing my bitterness about what happened while online kind of helps me work through it, ultimately at the end of the day I would like to not be bitter about it and I try to use humour to reign it in a bit - I know I come across as kind of bitter with a lot of ideas already put into my head, but there's a good reason for it. It kind of stresses me out a little bit, I worry for other women and I don't want them to deal with what I went through when I was young and naïve. I want them to find love and to be happy girls. When we are little we are fed this idea that men are strong, protective and kind people, but then you get into the real world and you find out that this isn't that common, and that for those who are given this kind of treatment, that they have to be either very stunning looking or exemplary in some way. It legitimately worries me that there are young women in the world who don't understand that men have a much more logical, cold hearted, predatory approach to how they deal with the opposite sex - that they go into it with the same level of blind idiocy that I had. So I've just accepted that this is how men are. At least to me, for some reason. I'm the chick that gets used as the toy for a period of time, or perhaps if they need some resources for a while to keep themselves afloat, or if they're in between relationships, I often get used as kind of the sexual-emotional buffer for that. When I realized that men were not what I thought they where growing up as a young girl, but some other terrible kind of beast, I just gave up. My sex drive was always tied to an emotional connection and when I realized that this wasn't a common thing that men experience, and when I realized that I was starting to grow too old for such things anyways, then the need for sexual stimulation just went away. It was like my hormones were like, "Okay, you're done now." And that was the end of it. It wasn't even really difficult - the difficult part was bringing those feelings back online again so I could work through things that went wrong and try to resolve them. Any time I have let my guard down to give a man a chance, he shows to me that it's just going to be the same thing - I suppose at this point, what I am going through is the last vestiges of fight left in me before everything settles down and I just really, truly, don't care anymore. I look forward to the day where it doesn't affect me, and I don't plan to be bitter forever. If I can turn it into a joke and try to find some humour, then that's great, it will mean that I've let everything go. I've noticed I have my sense of humour again, I can laugh more. And for as bitter as I am, as snarky as I can be, in the real world I am a woman who treats her pets - dog and cat, with a lot of kindness and gentleness and I feel that their happy little lives are a reflection of who I really am - and I work on getting along better with my family and am trying to let go of my bitterness and anger - it's a process - I feel myself mellowing out. I won't be bitter forever, I just need to accept that men aren't the best. I see the wars waged in the name of men's desires, how women are treated in third world countries, the rapes, the abuse, the femicide, and I realize that this is the real world. Men are violent, aggressive and savage and trying to pretend that this isn't true doesn't do me any good. The best I can do is make it into a joke, try to be more realistic and to let childhood fantasies go.

Of course. Despite the argument, I genuinely hope you have a good day. Later.