Loba

I don't know if I believe in aliens... I used to... But... I'm not so sure now. I think if they existed that they would in some other completely separate place from ours. We might exist in similar places, but completely crisscross dimensions. If a species is going to advance, it will probably do so with the grace of the universe and so they wouldn't be like physical, they would be something different, not easily understood or accessible by normal human consciousness. They would be closer to gods in their own right, I don't think they would mix or interfere with humans much at all other than to express love. But I am also very skeptical about this subject, as I was going through a lot of weird things when I "experienced" aliens. I think, the closest we could get to them would be non-localized personalities/souls and stuff. I don't know what to make of UFO's. Like with anything, there are a lot of explanations out there for what they could be, and if they exist, then why have humans not been able to - not once - get decent footage of one? What would they want with our crummy world anyways? It seems to me like moving through the universe takes up a lot of energy, if an advanced lifeform is going to visit a planet, it wouldn't visit our miserable, puny little species. We aren't interesting. I think it rests with the human desire to be observed and taken into account by a higher life form and you can see this with the mythologies that we have invented as well. Maybe a deep need to be seen and catered to by a parent? Who knows. On another line - a lot of people do experience strange beings when taking drugs, I guess the question is, can you believe someone who is in an altered state like that? As someone with a mental illness, I can tell you, the brain can trick you into coming up with all kinds of conclusions and scenarios, and they can seem so so real, but are ultimately based on a lie. As much of a self affirming lie as the one that anyone bases their current existence on. Truth is, in actuality, very illusive. I think that with these things, we need to go in with a lot of skepticism. To see things from as many angles as possible before deciding that there are UFOs or aliens out there. Maybe there are. I could be wrong. I genuinely do not know. But the evidence is lacking in my personal opinion for physical beings, and for the psychological ones, I don't know if the mind is to be fully trusted when encountering odd phenomenon.

I think you are "real" in that you are a soul, a partition, a bubble of consciousness connected to the main source that we all are - that your experiences are valid, that you of course live your own life. But the ego, the memories and experiences that make up the story of who you are, are not real. They are figments created to give you a sense of reality so that you can make your way through the world. In my experiences, God made itself - but it split itself into an uncountable amount of different consciousnesses, all existing within nothing at all, but connected to the main source. So we are all one, but we still have our own bubbles of perception.

I think they probably are the best at a lot of things - ni-te is a super power for sure, and thinking back on my female friend - she put in the effort to be the best at what she did. In everything in life, really. Once she got over her high school struggles, she turned into a completely different person, driven, and always excelled at everything she put her mind to and I really admired her for it. We got along perfectly, there was something very similar about us, but also very different. She was someone who I could say actually genuinely deserved the good things that happened to her because she put in the work and smarts to accomplish what she dreamed in life, and ended up with a loving family, a beautiful house, a great education and a good looking husband, too. It certainly wasn't the stereotypical "hot girl gets everything she wants in life" - she was really beautiful, too, but she actually worked hard and made things happen. I can see how a lot of them end up orange, for sure, constantly striving for success in different areas and also excelling at it like a total boss. But if you don't have high fe and your fi is in the third slot it can be hard to develop the love and warmth that feeling types are able to obtain. That said, though - once they do, they move onto yellow pretty rapidly. I don't know why they would want to be INTP's. I have had some INTP friends, most of them had autism, but they were really wonderful, interesting people who also did really well in the academic field, but they had a harder time diversifying themselves in some aspects. INTP's are so smart, like, the one I knew had three master's degrees in different areas of mathematics, but when it came to understanding people, he really struggled. I think the difference is that he wasn't cold at all, he was awkward, but warm and super sweet. I never get the impression though that an INTJ wants to be anything other than itself. Despite what I've mentioned, and there are a lot on this website, too, they seem to really value being who they are and don't really try to be anything other than that. I get you and agree, if it doesn't fit then the love doesn't matter. I used to have a different outlook on love, but I've been through blind love followed by incompatibility and it can be just... errrr! Everything needs to fit, if it's just love and nothing else then you don't have anything to work with long term. I guess I was just thinking of the ENTP's desire to be loved by people, and an INFJ generally has a deep, deep love that is almost completely unmatched by any other type of person. No, I get that completely. I feel that love and respect are the same thing, just different ways of expressing it. But... I guess also not, in many ways. I can dislike people, but still respect them, and visa versa, I can love someone and not respect them at all. There's always a bit of cognitive dissonance with that, because although they are different, you want to love 'and' respect people instead of just having one or the other. As an INFP, generally I respect most men. While loving them actually takes time. I don't just "love" a person right away, I like to assess them a bit, see what they're like and if I do respect them, then the love 'might' follow. Sometimes though, I do act disrespectfully and it does feel like a skewed dynamic. Generally this happens if I can tell that the guy doesn't have my best interests at heart, then I will bite them. I don't know how ENTP's are with this, you guys generally seem to always have a good nature about you. You do your best to be as objective as you can in most situations. Boulder CO, but maybe under a rock, too, I hear Colorado has a lot of rocks. You could probably find a yellow intj, they're probably not that rare. What's rare is finding a woman with that type. What was incompatible about her, besides orange, that made you break up? Maybe you could have worked through the orange? Yes, I know this - but only if fi values line up - if they don't then they lose interest just as quickly, as I learned with the ex. They like to fantasize about INFP's, but once they get to know us it's a no go more often than not. They genuinely, truly need ne to be happy people, fi isn't good as a long term investment. I could see though, maybe if fi values did match, that it would be a decent relationship, both would be working towards the same thing, but I don't see that being a very common thing. I think that the INTJ would expect more than the INFP could offer and that it would end up with a very lop sided dynamic. They should probably just give up the ghost and stick to EXFP hookers.

Well if you're looking for arrogant, they are that, why you want that, only God knows. INFJs are sweet, good people. I like them. I agree, well rounded, genius level in a lot of the things that they do. I had a close INFJ friend growing up and I loved her a lot, she was really good at organizing parties and I met a lot of people through her. Don't you want someone to love you back? My experiences with this type - I've dealt with three of them in my life, they're super rare. One, a female I grew up with, we always got along really well and she ended up getting a PHD, starting a family with her long term boyfriend, now husband and moving to Boulder. I miss her. I like the female ones, they are pretty chill, the males are strange. She started off doing really terribly in school, but I always remember her having this genius level ability to put things together, like she was always making things and playing with rubix cubes and she had a strong sarcasm about her that was very endearing. Because we grew up together, I got to see her softer side, and she was so innocent and childlike and curious and when we would get drunk we would run around the city and make monkey noises at people. The second was a guy I dated for a short while, he had a crush on me for like a year and I quickly learned that he fantasized about me too much and when he met the real me, he was subtly trying to change aspects of who I was. Also a drug user. Shy. Cute, though. We didn't really have any sparks when we had sex, he thought I was bad at it and expected things to happen right off the bat that my body wasn't capable of and really, I'm not bad, but I just didn't feel it with him, so I couldn't be warm and snuggly with him in my own way and after I realized he had these expectations that were subtle but starting to show themselves, enough that I could see a red flag, I broke up with him. He was sad about it, but got over it and found a nice girl about a year later. That was when I learned that intjs are weird people who don't live in the real world and that they are too dry and cold to really bring out my warm side, and so sparks never get started. I always felt kind of guarded around him, like I couldn't really read him very well. Third was a dude I met on a website, we argued a lot. I thought he hated me, but he reached out, and then right after that told me he didn't feel I should be talking to him for some reason, but I said I didn't mind. We talked for a week or two. He was going through things, and sending me a lot of mixed signals, kind of seemingly attempting to rebound me and I took offence and wrote something a bit over the top at the time. I was drunk. If I wasn't drunk, I probably still would have said something, but not quite so cruelly. As it turns out, his response to me was denying some of his mixed signals, falling back on some initial statements he made and I learned that he had a scathingly accurate picture of every one of my weaknesses and insecurities, like probably more accurate than I could paint a picture of myself and it made me question if this person was talking to me allthewhile just keeping note of every flaw I ever had. I regret saying such mean things to him, though, and I think if he had just kept it casual and hadn't been so weird that I wouldn't have minded him. I admire their ni - te though, from those that I have seen, but I don't know what to make of their arrogance, lack of humility - even if they are intellectually advanced, the hierarchal nature of viewing other people below them, coldness and inability to be in real-reality kind of pushes me away from that type hardcore. And then on top of that they are so fragile underneath it all, like they have no problem analyzing all your weaknesses and in the case of the ex, weirdly fantasizing about you for a long time, and then expecting you to fit into a mold that they've already created in their minds. They view people based on what is wrong with them, assessing their vulnerabilities, allthewhile acting cordial to you, and I don't like that, and you can't call them out on their shit because they'll find reasons as to why you're wrong. Too argumentative. But maybe your type would work well, I could see your type being less sensitive and something sarcastically playful taking off, for sure. So, with that said, when you mention ENTJ being a good match for INFP it worries me, because they are like the big brother type, and I couldn't handle the little brother type and I feel like the big guy would just steam roll right over me. I've witnessed ENTJ's in love and they offer Te solution after Te solution without really seeing their partners for who they are, or connecting to them on any deep level. It's like "just do this and everything will be fine", but it's like, maybe the INFP just wants a more vulnerable partner. This is why I root for the ENFJ's.

I can see that, but I personally have a stubborn streak and I feel like I wouldn't be able to trust their leadership. But in a long term relationship, I tend to be the person that prefers "to-do" lists, or I just generally do nothing or don't know what direction to go in in order to move the partnership forward. So yeah, that does make sense now that I think about it. I would just do my list, cross everything off, then go about with my own little adventures, followed by an evening of snuggles. ENFJ could work if both people are healthy, but it is very hard to manage if either one is unhealthy. I guess I just love the idea of them, thinking about them and their warm Fe + Ni makes me feel squishy inside. You have an intj fetish for sure. I always thought that each type did better with a feeler, though. You with an infj and them with an enfp. I can see you in particular with an intj though: maliciously humorous, arrogant, sarcastic and elitist, with zero feels - like two robots connecting at the wires, it would be an interesting dynamic.

I'm not sure what I am, I'm trying to figure it out. I don't think I want a relationship, but the thought of one crosses my mind pretty frequently and for whatever reason, I find myself getting triggered at some of the topics on here - and question if I am too old at this point to have one, if maybe it isn't the desire for one in the moment, but the realization that I can't have one even if I wanted one later down the road, if that's what's causing this bitterness. I'm still not sure if that's what is making me bitter, either. I think after a few weeks I'll be able to let it go and this terminology "incel", stuff like that, it won't bother me much. I just hit a snag in my development because I looked at some old friends and they were doing well in life and I got to see what I was missing out on, and while I am very happy for them, it was kind of a slap in the face that I didn't expect, and so I'm left just trying to understand how I was so blindsided by these negative emotions that I honestly had no idea that I had to the extent that I did. Basically, I just want to feel content no matter where I am at in life and to not have what other people are doing affect me at all, because it doesn't matter. They are them, and I am me. I don't want to end up being middle aged and snappy and resentful, I want to accept whatever comes my way, even if it wasn't what I expected, I want to be okay with it and to allow other people to have their moments and to shine without feeling like I am losing out. I want to be mutually happy for other people's happiness, and also come to terms with my own life, but to see the gifts that I have been offered as well that I might be blinding myself to by having the wrong mentality. As a woman, I can tell you, it's true, we have an easier time when a man leads - it is much appreciated when they do, because we are taught to generally be the ones to follow, if you don't lead it can create a situation where the woman doesn't quite know what to do. I don't know if I feel hateful, per say, as hate doesn't often enter into my system, but resentment can sometimes come up. I also agree with you that when writing things out online it can come across a bit more terse from all sides. In the real world, I am a very sensitive, soft spoken person who doesn't cause a lot of mischief, who is quite well mannered and nice - but the stream-of-thoughts that writing can take can make me appear to be more bold, more aggressive and less empathetic than I actually am. Sometimes a computer screen can really be a problem for sure, when communicating with people. I've looked into those communities before but they don't interest me because they are people who are bitter and unhappy and want to stay that way, and I recognize bitterness as a soul disease that spreads and so I don't want to be infected with it or to infect others with it. People that get too deep into the incel rabbit hole become very depressive, they don't do a lot of self reflection and I just don't relate to them, other than the possibility of no longer being a viable partner for someone - the main difference is that I don't plan on forever feeling "woe is me" about it - I plan to take action and to grow emotionally. Thanks for writing me, I hope you have a good day dude!

@Yali Hi Yali, I have met female ESTJ's and get along with them pretty well, but I just don't think that a male one would be able to give me the emotional connection that I crave in the way that an ENFJ would. I don't mind if there are different values, I just like the idea of being in a feelsy, warm, snuggly and happy relationship - granted, I think my fantasies about such things are not indicative of the reality that genuine couples face, but I've never really been able to "feel it" for thinking types, for whatever reason. They just seem hard-nosed, logical and it's hard to break the shell to see what's really in there, while feeling types often wear their hearts on their sleeves. I also think that a thinking type would get worn out by my emotions, I have a lot of them, granted they don't just bubble out of me like a geyser, they're still there. If I did find the right ESTJ and we seemed to click, I wouldn't shun them for having an MBTI type I wasn't interested in, I've just taken note of a common theme with the people that I've met. More often than not, I have found a lot of temporary compatibility with ENFPs, but they tend to need to move on to the next thing very quickly, they need someone to create a sense of stability for them, and I find they often try to do that for me as best they can before they just can't help but get fixated on the next big, future endeavor. I get along well with INFJ's as friends, but we are very, very different in how we view the world, I have noticed, it could be similar to the ENFJ that you mentioned. I did date an ENFJ for nine years, but he was unhealthy. We never did see eye to eye. It was like, there was always something that could have been very beautiful right below the surface, but we could never properly connect in a way that gave either of us what we needed. But I could see the potential in it, if he or I were healthy people, then the relationship would have been very different, but neither of us were completely sound of mind and our problems played against one another. We would often take year long breaks, come back to it and feel it could start again, only to begin fighting very shortly afterwards. ESTJ... ESTJ... I guess, I just don't see it. I feel like my laziness would get on their nerves. I'm a homebody and quite set in my writing routine, I think they would be happier with someone who has higher Te. Basically the really structured, busy types kind of put me off because I think they would tire me out, and I would inevitably bore them. I could do 'more' for a time, but I would eventually get over stimulated and need to retreat, and then the lack of emotional connection would play against it.

@thisintegrated Yeah, I can't imagine a little marshmallow like an INFP being good for an EXTJ, they're so busy and often quite militant - they don't have good listening skills. INFP's are looking for emotions and soft feelings to share with their partner, so I've never really understood why people ship them with thinking judgers so frequently. I think a healthy ENFJ would be the best match, but they're quite rare to find in good condition. The Fe + Ni has that kind of "swallow you up, you belong to me, you are part of my tribe forever" kind of affect that the INFP is looking for. And they're judgers, so they're still able to allow some sense of groundedness. We like Te to some extent, but not to the point where it takes over our alone-time routines, prevents open ended exploration and stifles us with a schedule. It just seems odd to me to put an INFP, who is terrible at Te, with Te-doms, while overlooking their need for emotional validation and support from a kind, present partner.

I never really got into The Office to be honest. I had a roommate way back when who had season 2 on DVD and I remember watching it a few times and it got kind of old, however, I like MeatCanyon's interpretation of the series, along with a quote "This is how Creed sees everyone.":

That's horrible, my heart goes out to his victims. Imagine thinking you're in safe hands, that someone is going to help you get through something and you're feeling excited about learning secrets to the universe and making great leaps in your life only to have some charlatan take your life away from you? And especially while completely high out of your mind, the terror that his victims went through and it seems like they didn't even get any justice for it - he is still practicing isn't he?

I don't know about this particular thread, but I do agree with you that this happens a lot on this forum, where people start getting into strange beliefs that are known to be hallmark symptoms of mental illness and a lot of the people here go along with it in order to come across as open-minded, when what the person needs is a wake-up call that something is off with them mentally. Letting people know when they are looking like they are going over the edge could save their life, a lot of time on their end, and prevent many tears. When I was going through a psychotic episode, I posted a lot of weird things, too, and had a lot of very abnormal beliefs that after a year on medication and a lot of self introspection, I was able to manage - but actually going through those symptoms was literal hell and if a person had of been honest with me and told me the truth that it looked like I was going through a mental health crisis, then I would have taken their opinion into consideration, but because a lot of this kind of stuff is accepted - many people who are mentally ill fall under the radar, or worse, they are told they are psychics, or shamans and stuff like this. If you're going to be open-minded, you have to be open-minded to the possibility that there is a problem presenting itself as well. So thanks for this. Good post, honest answer.

1. The implications for me are that I know that whatever choice I make, that it was already preplanned, but that there is the illusion of free will so it still feels like there is free will, not much has changed from when I thought I made my own choices to learning that I don't. I think, because the message was so positive for not only myself, but the rest of God's creations, that I was able to accept it without much collateral damage. Sometimes the ego comes back in strongly, especially after a period of self reflection I can get into a bit of a funk, but I try to remember the lessons that I learned, that everything is going to be okay for everyone and this helps. 2. To be honest, I have a hard time motivating myself to make changes in the real world, like taking action and so forth, but as far as making psychological changes, I do this quite often and feel my life slowly, over time, becoming more clear. Even though everything is predetermined, we can still live in the illusion of it not being the case, so you have free will to do things instead of doing nothing, although you can do nothing if you choose to, it's just that this was already decided, but the illusion is so good. The reason to do anything at all is so that you can be one of the people who have some awakening experiences - they are personalized just for you, for what you need and so whatever you learn will be tailored to your path. If you do nothing at all and don't try to remove some of the dirt from your lens then it will never happen. The lack of free will is outside of the game, toggling the game and moving the characters around, but in this game, you do get to make choices - it's just that they were already destined to be those choices, anyways. It's hard to explain without stepping outside of the game for a few minutes, but when you do, you will get it.

Back in 2016, my autoimmune disease flared up for the first and worst time and I was worried I could die from it, so I did a lot of self introspection to get myself ready for what could happen. Grueling days, for hours, overturning everything in my psyche, and eventually I came to the point where I knew I would have to work through my fear of death as that was the predominant problem that was coming up. So I sat with those emotions, and listened to some music while looking at a nature picture and let myself go through the fear fully, while studying everything about this picture and offering my full appreciation for the present moment. When I did this, this mixture of letting go of my psychology, followed by going through the fear of death, followed by showing absolute appreciation for the present moment is when all of the dirt that was on my lens was cleared and I could see God right there in the picture and it said "I exist" - and what it felt to be was a single point of unified love, that was outside of spacetime, that all souls that ever were or will be were connected to and had always been connected to and what it showed to me, was that it was a sort of evolutionary process, that this was the next step in human awareness and development, to be able to live life connected to spirit in this way. It told me that my struggling in life was a preplanned process created to force me to properly introspect so that I could let go of all of my old paradigms to allow the possibility of God's grace to enter into me, and it said that life was a miracle, that existence, that the fact that there is anything at all is absolutely amazing. It said that the prophecy surrounding its nature is true and that its plan for its creations, what it is trying to do for us is to bring this unified quality, where we see all of creation and are connected to it and can witness its glory in everyday mundane life. It is trying to bring a sense of heaven to earth through this process. And that's pretty much it - I had a few other awakenings, but none were quite as clear as this first one, which was what felt to be a blessing bestowed on my life, a medal that I had earned for putting in the work. It specifically said that everything was preplanned, that all things were working in a perfect divine order that included all the plants and animals and such things, but due to its multidimensional nature, and the singular nature of human beings, that we can't readily see this order in the chaos.

It could be, I hope so. The more I write the more I realize that I am more bitter than I thought I was. I thought I was over a lot of this stuff as I'd done quite a lot of work on myself in relation to this over the years, but, for whatever reason it has been coming up the past few weeks. I need to look into it, because bitter and angry is not my cup of tea and I don't see that kind of mentality being sustainable. It's possible that I became an incel in my own right, took on a victimizing mentality and let it control my inner narrative. Gross. I just don't want to end up being someone with really strong opinions that don't do them any good, that solidify and turn me into an ogre or something like that - I feel like if I just avoid this part of this forum, and let people do and say what they want, that it won't get to me. People are going to do what they want, think how they want, feel how they want, why is it any skin off my nose at the end of the day? Thanks for the response, hope you have a good rest of your day.

God is beautiful, loving, curious and kind. It is trying to create heaven on earth for all of its creations and to evolve in that direction, but as of right now, only some people are privy to God's true glory. But the goal, the plan, is so that it can witness itself through the eyes of all of its creations, to see the miracle and beauty of life and to love everything with a deep enthusiasm. But we are a work in progress, we are moving towards this, and there are steps. Maybe we will get there, maybe we won't, but it is trying its best to move towards this. I think, that when we pass away, we return to this glory, so even if it is something you don't obtain in life - that it is something we are all destined for in death, that selfishness, hatred, pain, all of that doesn't exist in the afterlife. That we experience it here so that we have the polarity to understand what all the good stuff means. You know? If you only ate sugar for your entire life, it wouldn't taste as sweet, you wouldn't have anything else to compare it to. I know that dealing with the selfishness of the world is difficult, there is a lot of pain and suffering that seems to have no place, but there is a place for it and there is a plan to change this around.

A lot of the dudes here are emotionally unhinged in various ways, I've noticed this. If you make a statement that they don't like - such as not really having good experiences with men, and not wanting other women to have to go through the same struggles you went through - they will insult you, call you all sorts of names for your own bad experiences, only for you to later find out that they are actually nothing more than suicidal incels. It kind of throws me for a loop when you express your opinions, only to have someone call you all sorts of names and then, as it turns out, they're just a super damaged person taking it out on you. Just my two cents. I genuinely feel bad for a lot of the men here, but at the same time a lot of you guys have really messed up views of the opposite sex, so much so that it kind of low key messes with my own views of men. I don't know what to think of this new generation of twenty-something year olds, it's like you are both way more passive and aggressive at the same time, super dysregulated and it's like the genuine qualities of true masculinity are disappearing. I don't know fully what to say, in some ways, society is screwing you over, but at the same time, I don't see this new generation as being good parents, having lasting relationships, or any of that. Then again, maybe guys were always like this, and I just didn't see it because I didn't have a forum to attend where men are so open about their struggles. It reads to me like two different species trying to work together. What I gather, from looking through many of these threads, is that a lot of men just don't see women as people, they view them as objects for gratification - and that coming to understand them, their needs, their wants, their dreams, seems to take a backseat. Clearly I need to reassess my views, I wish I had found this forum in my early twenties when I still had rose tinted glasses. I don't think that men and women can genuinely get along for longer than what is necessary to reproduce, and I think the gap between the two is only going to get more severe. We're going to see way more men in the upcoming generations not knowing how to talk to women, how to interact with them and losing out on what they are looking for - sex, and women will be stuck with weak men who lack masculinity, who don't know how to interact with them and they won't be able to love and respect them. I think I may take my leave from this section of the forum for good, because I don't like the idea of coming off as bitter and miserable, it doesn't sit right with me, but at the same time, I see the trend in how the world is turning out and it's hard not to feel that way - I don't want this forum to convert me into someone who irredeemably could never trust a male again, but upon further inspection, the collective psychology of this place is kind of damaging - if there was an equal amount of feminine energy here, it might be different.

My experiences gave me the knowledge that there is no free will, as everything has a plan, but it is disguised by an illusion of being completely random - mostly because humans do not have the ability to be able to see in as many directions as consciousness does - that under normal circumstances, we can't see the full picture into what this plan is. What the plan is, is that the universe/God/consciousness wants to evolve to witness itself as itself through its creations and so it has been growing in consciousness, creating all sorts of offshoots and various things in order to create beings that have the capability of seeing it. It is trying to awaken to itself, in the same way as when we grow and develop we are trying to waken to ourselves as well. It wants to know itself through you, while you are aware of it as a part of you, and so it creates as many different situations and variables in order to do this through many, many different eyes - and eventually a few of them strike gold and can see through the game for a momentary lapse of time. You do have the ability to get up in the morning, to go to sleep, to eat, to walk around, to live, to kill yourself, all of these things - but they are all preplanned as part of a gradual awakening process in which God unfolds its true self and unveils its majesty to its creations. Only a limited number of people are given this gift, this miracle and it is not one to squander when you find it. People spend their whole lives looking to be witness to the miracle of creation and never find it, so if you do, cherish it. God will sacrifice a hundred thousand, just so a select few have the ability to witness. You are either chosen to see, or you're not, and all of that is part of your destiny. The good news is, I believe we are all "picked" at the end of our lives to witness this phenomenon, and that we are given back our true free will as a gift. I believe that we have these limited lives, that some of us sacrifice knowing the truth so that others can see it - that their work isn't in vain, that we are all given this gift at some point. That we need limitation, lack of free will and polarity in order to come to understand the meaning of the miracle of life, so that we appreciate what we are given and what we are to soon inherit.

Law of attraction is real - "sort of", but people are delusional about how they use it. They think it means that if you perform certain actions or do certain things, think a certain way that it will attract into your life a particular outcome, and if you think about people who live in places in the world where everything is outside of their control - like war zones or impoverished countries, then you can see that the law of attraction when used in that manner makes no sense. It isn't about piling on your beliefs and attempting to control the universe in your favour - it's about inspecting your beliefs, letting go of expectations and through this process allowing the universe to work through you - and it will bring to you certain experiences and whatnot that allow you to have a deeper understanding of the reality around you. People just want to use it in the wrong way because they want to feel like they have more control over their lives than they actually do, and people will put all sort of beliefs into their pot to cherry pick and convince themselves that they are getting closer to what they are looking for, when in reality, they've just put another layer of ideation over the universe's genuine message.

@Gesundheit2 No dude, that makes sense. I like to eat the extra bagel.

@JoeVolcano I'm not talking about memento mori, memento mori is just the practice of contemplating your own death, this is a thread about suicidal ideation.

@Gesundheit2 It was quite automatic, I didn't really give my actions much thought in the moment but I did afterwards; I just felt responsible for his life because no one was paying him any attention, it was starting to get late and I knew that the weather could get into the teens and that he might die there and it gave me a sense of worry and guilt that people get into these situations and people just walk by them every day and some of them suffer because of it. He was right outside my place, I had just bought the whole pizza and I felt like an ass, going into my warm home, with my food while someone was sitting out there freezing to death. The next morning the blanket and food were gone so I assumed he used the blanket and took the food when he woke up. It stuck out in my mind as an action specifically because I hadn't really premeditated on it, and during times when I wonder about what kind of person I am, if I am good or bad, I think back on these moments and can see that when push comes to shove if I can do something for another human being who is absolutely going to perish without a blanket, then I will do that thing. But then again, I've also done some pretty bad things in life, so I can't get a good gauge on if I am "good" or "bad", I know that it's more complicated than that, but I just want to know. I didn't do it to feel good about myself or anything, I just registered it as an emergency situation for that man. The outcome that I was looking for was to prevent someone's death, I guess.

I think that the point of it is that it's just a part of our evolutionary history that we are evolving out of. We had to create some form of narrative to understand what was happening to us in order to progress. But this narrative glosses over the reality that God is all around us, in everything that we do and are. As we are growing and trying to understand what we are, so too is God. When I suffered the most, and went through an ordeal, I learned a lot about the nature of reality through deconstructing myself, and what I learned is that it was all supposed to happen this way, that the suffering was the motivator to look within myself and without it I would have continued to evade death for as long as I could. When I could see death for what it was and embrace it, that's when I was able to see reality clearly. I think that the purpose of the illusion is here for a few reasons, one of them is that when we die, we are given many gifts. And you don't want to open them too early, they are meant for you when it is time to leave. If we remembered everything, then there would be no contrast, so when we do finally get everything we want, there is that polarity to appreciate it. Another reason for the illusion is because there is a lot of information to take in when it comes to dealing with the world, if we were to experience everything in its full entirety, I think it would be too much for a human being to handle, and so we have to cherry pick a narrative to live through partially blind because we are for the most part still just animals. We like to think we are beyond that, but we have little families and live in our cute little houses and eat from our little tables and need a sense of normalcy and repetition to feel safe and orderly - humans don't do well when things are chaotic and overwhelming, and so God has given us Maya to keep ourselves from becoming too overstimulated by reality.

I mean, it probably exists in some form, but not in the way that most people use it. People use that stuff to maximize on egoic, petty things and end up becoming delusional. You can attract certain things to you and there is a higher power, but it's more like letting go of things, and then seeing what remains - if that makes sense. What you let go of, and what stays in your pan of gold that you sift through is what is "yours". So LOA is less about trying to attract certain situations and making them happen and more about letting go of expectations. I feel depressed by the seemingly random nature of reality as well, and I think it is a bit of both, I think that there are a lot off offshoots and tendrils, but that there is an order to it that maybe we just can't see from our limited frameworks and this order includes not just humans, but all of mother nature and its other creations as well. From my understanding, God is evolving to witness itself as itself through its creations and so it creates a lot of different tendrils to scout out the best possibility to witness itself. The universe is self aware and wants to observe what it is creating and it does so through the intelligence of humans and perhaps other life forms if they are out there. I don't know what the reasoning for it is, or what the universe's ultimate goal with all of this is, but there does seem to be a plan in place for knowing itself.

I'm still seriously flirting with it. Suicide is bae. I've spent the last two months with it on my mind nearly non-stop is some form or another, either trying to reconnect with the other side, to try and glean into some form of solution from my "people" there into this feeling of depression and low key angst. I've tried learning all about NDE's and what to expect, I've tried humour and self introspection and nothing seems to get rid of this obsessive morbid curiosity. Literally the only thing that is keeping me here is that I couldn't stand knowing that I ruined the tail end of my parent's lives by ending myself. I can't help but visualize their pain over the whole thing, and just when they've started retirement. It seems like ending it now would be too selfish and cruel. And on top of it I have these pets that I am responsible for. My cat Sandy only trusts me, if I leave then she will never again know what it is like to be snuggled. My dog would be confused and would look for me around the house, but I think she would move on okay after some time. I'm just looking forward to it so much, and waiting fifteen years until my pets and parents pass away feels like forever, I don't know how I am going to manage feeling normal in this life, for who I am. Nothing feels good or right, and I can't fully pinpoint why I feel this way. Maybe I've just been repressing too many things and it's call coming up, especially recently, I've been doing a lot of shadow work, trying to understand myself a little bit better, but nothing seems to do the trick. I'm super bummed out that I have to live in this terrible life in this body that I hate in a world that I don't belong in for another decade and a half, possibly more. I wish I would just get cancer or a heart attack or something and then the responsibility of having to wait around would be nullified. I feel super guilty for having these feelings, because even though I am not young or healthy, I have a comfortable life, the kind of life that many people who aren't privilege would dream of having - and I feel guilt because I know that they would have done so much more with it than I did. I just want to wake up in the morning and to not feel bitter and confused about my emotions, and resentful and then ultimately guilty, like I don't even have the right to feel upset. And perhaps I don't? I don't fucking know. But this ideation, this absolute heart-wrenching longing for the other side never goes away, I just keep thinking, once I am there and not here everything will make sense. Ya dig?

This is why I gave up on men. They don't teach this stuff to women and men kind of play into it in order to get what they're looking for. We live in our girlish fantasy bubbles for a long time before a few bad (or realistic depending on how you interpret it) experiences pop our bubbles. Women want connection, domination, love, snuggles and all that, and men are just interested in the act of sex itself. They're looking for relief and maybe to reinstate a sense of being a man, hard to know, as I am not one and still don't fully understand them. And you can't change that, it's biology, it is what it is. When I hear women say "I just want a good guy to do this for me, or be that for me" I don't think that they realize what they're getting themselves in to. It's quite amazing to me that humans have managed to accomplish as much as we have, that we are able to raise families together and in general, live in a somewhat integrated society because if you really look into it, men and women are like two different species. That said, even though I don't really like how a man's mentality works in relation to how they view women, I still feel bad for them when they're unable to get sex. When I was a young woman, it wasn't hard at all, you just had to show up somewhere where men were and that's about it. It seems like things have changed a lot in the past ten years as well, when I was in my 20's, it seemed like people were much more connected. You could go out and meet friends with a group of other friends and get to know new guys that way. Nowadays it looks like people are way more isolated. Too bad there isn't an easier solution for incels. I feel like a lot of them would not have been if they had been born just a few years earlier, you know? Like a lot of my just average guy friends had no problems finding women, just through mutual social connections. I look at a lot of the men here who complain about how hard they have it finding women, and "back in my day" most of them would have done just fine. Hope you find a nice girl or two, don't give up, and don't off yourself over something as silly as not getting enough pussy. You're still young, and there's more important things to off yourself over, like mental illness or social isolation or losing your health, but the lack of vagina is a totally fixable problem.