Loba

I don't have any book suggestions, but as someone who has worked through a large portion of this - while sometimes falling back on these vulnerabilities, I can tell you what worked for me was realizing that when people judge you, negatively or positively, it's usually only a small portion of you. And so, while feedback is helpful, it is better to view it from an objective lens and see if it is actually true in your experience. If it is true, positively or negatively, you can take action on it or not, and if it is not true then you can roll your eyes and move on. The truth is, humans, in order to live, generally have to make snap judgements about one another as we interact with so many different types of people, it is hard to get a clear picture on everyone that you meet. So this is just part of their natural filtering process. It will never encompass everything that you are, your entire history, your psychology - people are not made of quick judgements, we are inside of it all entire books of personal history and are each unique and very complicated. So the next time someone judges you, try seeing how accurate it is. Sometimes these judgements can be helpful in seeing blind spots that you might have, but don't take them personally. They are literally a single piece in an entire jig-saw puzzle that is You. And don't worry if they do, it isn't the end of the world. It just means that they are not the right people for you, and knowing that is a good thing. Try doing your best to view each judgement as a positive thing, spin it in this way.

ENFJ - Manipulate me and use me, suck me dry for years and then leave. Sex is good, though. Met a few casually and they were wonderful, so I think mine was just unhealthy. ENFP - Becomes my best friend before leaving me because they're too involved with the drug scene/ get tired of my neediness/ need for new experiences. Has a mirroring quality to them that we both like to look into and there is a lot of mutual love. INFJ - I get along with them well enough, but find them kind of shallow/placating to other people, while being judgmental underneath the façade, or super generous people with a lot of skills and talents who are nice to everyone and deserve a good life. INTJ - Females are amazing, with a lot of similar goals and values - males are mutual kitty cat scratchies and or emotional/intellectual incompatibility and or I don't feel one way or the other for most of them. INTP - Super cool people, I have not met many I don't like. Open minded, very smart, and genuine. I would date one if we had common interests/were in the age range I was looking for. One of my fave intuitives. ENTP - Not emotional enough for me romantically, but I adore their sense of humour and desire to play, they make me feel mutually playful and happy to be around them. Great as friends for sure. ENTJ - Knew a female one and we clashed a bit, only know of these unicorns from online forums and reading about them. I couldn't say entirely what it would be like to know one as I have not had much time around them. I would either feel intimidated or perhaps safe in their structured lives, one or the other.

@JuliusCaesar It's not a super popular thread, you know, maybe mid-tier something like that. Popular threads are usually a lot longer than this one. I think people are just shocked that someone who claims to be a teacher and healer is doing this to their students; people who are looking to this man for help. I think it's a good thing, let's say someone wanted to use this person as their guide, well now this information is out there, they can find it and make a more educated decision on if this person is qualified to be doing what they are doing - and from what I have read, I don't believe that they are.

@Proserpina As one of the entities you speak with, or a person who you met and found their way into your thoughts? I'm sorry to hear that - such a thing happened with my ENFJ bf years ago, but I am mostly recovered now, it's been about 6 years. I mean, any type can be friends, but for long term compatibility, they generally don't work well - but just as casual acquaintances, or friends, their ni-te is helpful, and they seem to like our fi-ne in short bursts. Most aren't good relationship material because they are callous/treat their partners unkindly/view others from a lens of what is wrong with them, how to fix it, people become projects instead of people, things of this nature. Female ones, though, make fantastic friends. They're much softer and a bit more emotional. They can still be arrogant, but they seem to, from what I have seen, reserve that for the opposite sex or people who are really rude to them. This thread has turned into INTJ hour for some reason. I'm gunna head out now because I don't have much more to add, I actually don't have a lot of long-term experience - sans my female friend - with this type of person and so there's not a whole lot more I have to mention on them. I could write pages and pages on ENFJ's due to real world experience, but beyond what I've mentioned, I am out of my element, almost as much as with sensors, of which I pretty much know nothing about.

@RendHeaven I like poking bears, too. It's fun, especially when they're trying to sleep.

Ne = making a delicious meal using all sorts of fine ingredients. Ni = a literal crow scooping barf up off the side of the road. Fe = generally agreeable and compliant. Fi = cat scratches.

@RendHeaven You don't even need to plaster MBTI on your experiences. That's not what it's for, it's to experiment with different ways of experiencing the world. Humans have a few different ways of understanding and taking in information, you don't even need to add XXXX on top of it, you could just take note of the way your mind is taking in different information at different points of time - what that means for you, why you do it, etc. There's a set number of the ways we do this through our intuition and senses, and some people prefer using certain functions over other ones. These people will have some similarities between them, although every human being is unique, of course. The point of MBTI is not to 'just' plaster a few letters over a person's personality, but to see how they take in the world and gain a better understanding of the different ways humans live their lives. I mean, I recognize at the end of the day it gets close to generalizing things a bit, but if you reign it in and don't take it too far, be sure to actually know what each of the functions feels like in your first hand experience, you can generally have an easier time seeing and meeting other people where they are at.

On another note "CIA Spy on MBTI" is super catchy to say out loud.

You seem so sweet. Oh, if only you knew - they're single handedly the most narcissistic and psychopathic personality type. I'm not making that up or over-exaggerating; understanding their own, let alone another person's emotions is nearly impossible for them. Much like the INFJ, they're an over-idealized personality type - "The Mastermind - LOL" - but to be honest with you, INTJ's chew up and spit out IXFP's. They're cold, abrasive, sarcastic, arrogant and when it comes to direction in life, they're super wishy-washy and all over the place in many respects - not usually very stable people. They're aloof and also expect a lot from people. An ENTP could handle a person like that because they wouldn't be able to get away with shit, it would be seen through and called out on. But an IXFP would easily become a doormat for this type of person who would grow bored and resentful. A lot of them are very bitter and secretly harbour feelings of hatred for the world not being at the same intellectual capacity as they are, and they can't "bond" emotionally to people like normal humans have, so they end up becoming like aliens, always on the outside looking in. ENXJ would be a better match for an IXFP - stable, reliable, if they're feeling type - then sweet and attentive, if thinking type, structured and orderly - actually in the real world. An ENTJ will take you into their life like a little pet, an INTJ will take you in like a small boy that peels the wings off of innocent bugs and then views them with the eyes of an unfeeling surgeon about to cut into a slice of someone.

From my awakening experiences, I was given an intuitive kind of structure into how this worked. What it felt to be, was kind of like getting off of a theme park ride - it was outside of spacetime and I could feel what people would call time ever flowing forward, while I was stationary, kind of like being on a wave machine. I could feel every other soul that ever was or will be, dead and alive and future, all connected to a source that was at the end of this wave, like moving us all ever closer towards it. We were made of this material, but our experiences were punched out, like bubbles of awareness, made of nothing at all, partitioned by nothing at all, but still a multiplicity - simply made from the same material - while on this wave, riding it with everyone else, I realized that time didn't exist in the way that I thought it did, and I realized that I had always been there underneath what I call my life, that death and birth were never a thing - that everything had been choreographed so that it could be stripped away from me, to be seen for what it was in that moment.

Maybe they're super awesome people who transcend cognitive function limitations and see the value in one another despite being so different? *wiggles nostrils*

@thisintegrated What's your perfect INTJ wife in this scenario? "Let me tie you up tonight, and plan over the next six months - in great detail - your unsolvable cold case murder."

*takes a look around disheveled bedroom* Ahem. *sniffs* I'll do it tomorrow. Martyr's mantra.

Maybe it goes to show that we all have our preferences at the end of the day. Sometimes you need an intellectual sparring partner, sometimes you need a sandwich maker who remembers to wash your underwear for you.

Honestly, I think these things should just be used as general guides - most people will get along with each other if they try. Imagine finding someone really great for you, then using this system and dismissing them? They can be used to help guide people in the right direction to finding people that are more compatible, but on further inspection, one can indeed get too militant with MBTI. Balance. It was nice talking with everyone here, but I've had my fill of MBTI for a while so I am going to bow out.

Dude, that's great! I am super happy for you. I plan on starting a morning routine next week as well and if this thread is still near the top of the line in a month I will report back on my results. I'm trying to work on feeling better about my appearance, to care for my body a bit more and to try and ground myself in a routine. Keep it up! All the best.

Ni-Fi's don't actually generally ghost people. They observe you first, then speak with you. They'll ghost you before speaking to you, but once they reach out - this isn't a trait they often have. It's usually Fi-Ne users that ghost others, and sometimes Ne-Fi. I don't know much about the mating habits of sensors to qualify to add anything here.

It could be a Fe thing, I used to have more of that when I was younger - but I learned that the way I love tends to be based more on fantasy, than seeing the person for who they are - I would get these really wild crushes that had more to do with expectation than anything else. Now that I am older, I take a step back and try to take my time. There's always this knowing in the back of my mind that my love isn't entirely based on who they are, but what I perceive them to be and I don't like that when that happens to me, so I try not to do it to others. ENTPs are more grounded in reality than INFPs are, so what you see in others is probably more indicative of who they are as people than what I tend to plaster over others. This only happens with crushes, though, with just the general population I have a pretty good sense of who they are and what they are about. I have not met too many in the real world, my dad is one and we get along well. From what I have seen online and past acquaintances that I had, they are very adaptable to most situations. Oh that's sad, generally one can work through these things with a partner if they're already established. Maybe she didn't want to put that burden on you? Yes, this has been my experience. Which is fine, I realize that they tend to live in a world of possibilities and that this can conflict with the reality of a situation; in my own way, I can be the same in not knowing what I want, vacillating a lot. It does lead me to question why people pair them with EXFP's, who are very chaotic, also don't know what they want and usually are not very grounded. Upon further reflection, a grounded, in the real world ENTP would work well. I'm just being sarcastic, I don't think a fanatical EXFP would be a good choice, either. I've had many, many ENFP friends and they don't lend for long term stability. I agree with you there, I can't imagine that someone who has my functions, but turned upside down would have enough in common with me to make anything work. Fe + Fi is great but Fi + Fi is generally butting heads unless they both have the same values, but values can change over time, whereas Fe just kind of rolls with it.

Bahahaha! I'm cracking up so much right now. I would still be laughing, too, if someone was stuck with that label, every time they'd post it'd be such an 'lol' Let's just slap toxic on 'em and be done with it. Someone ask Yarco how he feels about that.

A bit of both. Some days I feel very depressed and there is a lot to work through - so I do - and then this gives rise to better days where I feel more happy and carefree. It depends on how much shadow work I have done on myself in a particular area. I could be happy for many weeks, do some work on myself, hit a brick wall and need to backtrack or look into some things to understand why I am not feeling my best. Times like these, I feel very despondent, like nothing is going my way, I start to think about death a lot and it feels like my options begin to whittle down. I often start to lack in self love, self care and don't do a whole lot, but this usually gives way to a more energetic cycle where I accomplish a bit more for a time - just to start the whole process over again. There are many things in life to be happy about, but at the same time there are many things in life to be sad about and it can be hard to merge perspectives to find the right balance. Especially if you are a sensitive person, little things can really blow up into seemingly big disasters that need to be tackled. If something doesn't go my way, or if I can't find the immediate solution, my go-to is to either feel very frustrated or very sad. But I think, with more continued work on myself, more awareness on my emotions and trying to seek understanding, that I will be happier for longer, with little bouts of sadness in between. Right now it's about 40 percent happiness, 60 percent sadness.

I don't think people should be silenced for having differing opinions or beliefs or experiences, but that seems to be a common theme on this forum. A lot of really nasty behaviour is gleaned right over, but if someone has a different way of viewing the world or a different set of opinions, they are often thrown under the bus - even if they aren't being particularely forceful about those beliefs. I think it can be a problem to stifle people, especially if there is a crumb of truth from all sides, you inevitably get an echo chamber with everyone repeating the same sort of things to one another, and you ultimately do end up throwing the truth out of the window when you do this. Silencing and suppressing people honestly doesn't work, but having a thought out well-meaning conversation where two people may not see eye to eye, but can at least find some area of mutual respect, this does work. I see people with bad attitudes, spreading cynicism, abuse, manipulative personas, intellectual ego wars that are designed to go nowhere... - but as long as they speak with the same general nomenclature as everyone else, they fall under the radar - while someone who is relatively even tempered, but doesn't have the same political position as everyone else is ousted and marked with a permanent label by their username. Honestly, I think a snarky, bad, haughty attitude is more of a collective problem then just someone who doesn't believe in the same things I do. Someone with odd beliefs is just ultimately delusional and that can be relatively harmless as long as you don't get sucked into it, but someone with a holier-than-thou stick-up-their-butt chip-on-their-shoulder kind of an attitude that they foist onto others is always going to inevitably try and transform you with their worldview, or at the very least try to dominate your mental space with their crappy, opinionated nonsense.

I don't believe in marriage. I feel like the most loving thing you can do for a person is to allow them the option to leave if they want to and marriage is a barrier to that. I understand it is used as a ceremony to cement two people's commitment, but I view it as an outdated thing that is still common in this day and age, but it doesn't need to be. On top of this, these ceremonies are not unique, they have a certain structure that you have to follow that don't give the couple much room to even explore what their commitment means to them. I don't like the idea of having to stand up in front of an audience of people and recite my vows, kiss them, put on a ring and eat a slice of expensive cake. Speaking of expensive, weddings cost money. So do divorces. And people change over time, you can't be assured that one person isn't going to outgrow the other one. It's not easy to stay on the same page, and being expected to do that for a lifetime sounds horrible. I would rather know that someone is with me because they choose to be and not because they are forced to be. Just as I want an out if it doesn't work, I want them to have that as well. That said, I like the idea of collaring ceremonies. Like wearing a thin gold band around the neck and doing something more intimate and private. It would mean the same thing, but without the legal system getting in the way, and if the relationship fails, just take the key, open the lock and set them free. The idea of 'belonging' to someone, and having created a unique and personal experience of that means more to me then following the social script. But you know, some people are really into that and they make it work so more power to them. It all just depends on your personal preferences and in some cases the culture you are raised in.

If I love someone, it starts with a feeling in my heart and gut that I take note of and they might be on my mind more often than usual. I'll feel a sense of warmth in my heart area and butterflies in my stomach when I think of them or are around them. I will feel especially shy and might not know how to strike up a conversation. This is just the beginning stage, though, a crush. Usually in this stage I try to mind myself and to not pay too much attention to them, I'll try to reign in my thoughts of them and will try to come to understand why I am feeling the way that I am feeling and if it has any merit or if it is something that I am just playing out in my mind because of a frivolous attraction. If I manage to start a conversation and it goes further, I won't flirt, I am not good at it, but I will push forward; I will feel very, very flustered, embarrassed and self conscious. I might start doing more, like working out or wearing makeup more often. I will look for reasons to be around this person, but I won't let on that I like them unless they tell me first. If it is mutual, then I notice I am more energized. I feel like writing poetry and working on art, taking care of myself better and will try to come to understand who they are emotionally and psychologically, as deep as I can go. I will try to predict things that they need from me and will try to give that to them. Sexually, I am very sweet, warm and snuggly and I will look into their eyes a lot, kiss their face, rest my face in the crook of their neck. I like to be the big spoon, though. It's more comfortable for me, but occasionally I will let them hold me and snuggle me up close. I might feel more of an urge to drink in order to overcome my feelings of shyness, and when I do, I've been told I am good at "seeing" into people. Generally, I know I love someone when I start wanting to make positive changes in my life for them. It honestly takes me a while to fall in love, I don't just "fall into it", I need time to mull it over and decide on if it is something that makes sense to me. I used to rush headfirst into things in my youth and what I noticed is that I didn't take the time to get to know the person and so I created a false narrative of who they are, and knowing that I have the proclivity of doing this, I am much more cautious. Love can be tricky. You can love a person, or you can love an image of a person, and it's important to get that sorted out before making a move.

Woman here - I used to feel this way about pick-up, too. It played on a lot of insecurities that I have about myself, but then I did some digging and tried to see it from the other point of view. If a man does not know how to talk to and manage women, and he was never taught, where is he supposed to learn this stuff from? There comes a point in time when a man gets too old to start learning the basics, and he needs to get that skill right while he's still in his early to mid twenties. What happens to these men who are never taught how to get laid? They become bitter, resentful and sometimes aggressive and a lot of them can become murderers and rapists. A large portion of the young male population who acts out in aggressive ways does so because they were not properly socialized. Pick-up allows men to also bond with one another and it allows them to hone in on their natural hunting instincts. Yes, women do want love and pick-up isn't always ideal for finding this, but who's to say that the nerdy shy guy isn't also looking for the same thing and this is why he is practicing talking to women? It's assumptive to label all men who practice this as guys who just want to pump and dump. I think pick-up is fine, it is certainly better than having incel or red-pill ideologies - I mean, they're taking action to change something in their lives and this is admirable. I think a guy can take it too far, though and that there needs to be a balance and I am sure most of them find that. It's a select few that turn this sort of thing into a lifestyle and these are the sorts of men that women need to be cautious of. I don't agree that we are conditioned with the idea of love from movies and so forth, I think it is just an instinctual need that women have - it doesn't even have a particular story or anything behind it - a woman's love is just a series of warm actions that she takes towards her partner. It's clear that movies are not indicative of the real world in the same way that men don't take action movies seriously. They're just entertainment. As for me, what do I do to find love? Not much, I'm just here or there. I'm going to wait to lose some weight, see how I feel about myself then and go from there. If it is something that is still appealing to me, then I might take action. It's hard to know, because single life is so free, and I appreciate being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it, and relationships are like taking care of a pet in a way, you have to make sure you nurture it every day. To wrap this up, I wouldn't knock pick-up. If it helps you find that love, then go for it. Do what you have to do, just do it responsibly.