Loba

I know how you feel, the struggle is real. It sounds like you have a game addiction. Have you thought of just writing your fantasies out? Is it strictly set within a game, or are there other fantasies you have? Maybe you could bring your wife into them. Playing them out sexually, or even just playfully with another person can be fun, it doesn't have to be corralled to just an online game. I would set limits on the game time, and figure out ways you can enjoy the best of both worlds while here and also staying within reality. What I do is I set a certain time, preferably just before I get up while my mind is still lucid to imagine certain scenarios, and then if they appeal to me I might write about them. I'll build different worlds and narratives in my mind until I've exhausted all I can get from that world and will then move onto something else. Fantasy can be very healthy, you just have to make sure it doesn't bleed out into what you know to be absolutely true - humans do need an outlet for their imaginations. Try to find ways to work around this so that you aren't substituting fantasy for reality, but instead using your imagination as an add-on component to make life more creative and interesting.

I heard the news today That you're not mine to keep Don't struggle too much now While I kill you in your sleep What is lust if it's not beating by yourself? I won't be gentle to the body on the shelf It's only water, it's only fire, it's only love It's only slaughter, we're only liars, it's only blood They're only thoughts that I'm having thoughts safe within my head You're only crying, you're only dying, you're only dead

Ugh, unrequited love is the pits. As a romantic, I totally get it. I used to have this problem a lot more than I do now, I would get these crushes that would last years sometimes and would know that they had no chance of going anywhere and yet the person would always end up in my mind for some reason. It hurt a lot. I battled this a lot from my middle school years until the end of my twenties - and this sort of pining for someone who didn't have the same feelings is the habit that allowed me to stay in a bad relationship for years. At the end of my relationship, I realized that my constant thoughts and assumptions about them being better than me, more deserving than me, of them being this really cool person, this began to fade away and I was able to see the real person - who was just as flawed and scared and weird as I was - I was able to take a step back and see the glaring incompatibility that was right under my nose the whole time that I couldn't accept. I wanted and needed this person to love me so much, and they just couldn't do it. So what I do now when this starts to happen, is I try to take a step back and instead of viewing them as this unobtainable gem - I try to see them in a realistic manner, warts and all. I will actively search for reasons as to why we are incompatible, why letting the person go is the best thing that I can do for myself and for them. No one is perfect, people usually have a lot of flaws and incompatibilities. Try seeing those in this person, instead of just the good, try to detach through an honest, detailed introspection as to why this person is not right for you. Every time you catch yourself thinking about her, remind yourself of something that is unflattering about her. Keep doing this and eventually the crush will stop causing you problems.

I relate to a lot of this, but I don't think that my experiences have been as harsh as yours. From what you've written here, you do have a right to be angry. I used to be a very angry person myself, and sometimes I find that this still slips out, but I've been working on it for a few years now and am beginning to see a lot of improvement. It takes time, the world can be a harsh place and people can be kind of infuriating, not gunna lie. What I noticed that has helped was, when I get angry, I try to look into why I felt that way and if I acted on it, I don't let myself off the hook. I look into it. I think on it, write on it, and try to understand the root of the problem. Just understanding why you feel a certain way, and then giving yourself a break for being human, this does wonders. Another thing I do, is I scream into a pillow. I've actually done this a few times while using this forum, if something frustrates me, I'll squeal, "Eeeee!" and the expression of this frustration helps, rather than keeping it inside. Try getting some things you can hit, like pillows or a punching bag, sometimes getting out anger in this way helps a lot, too.

@Yeah Yeah It feels romantic to me, coming home... Just 15 more years of this shit. I did the research..., if you have a mental illness then it is treated as something terminal and so it isn't castigated by those on the other side. An acquaintance of mine - his father recently passed away due to a self inflicted gun shot wound to the head. He was 85 and his health was starting to fail him and his wife is dying of dementia. Getting old seems to me to be nothing more than a series of losing everything that you've worked for and love - I'd rather go out in my middle age. As for the romance, it is because I - possibly delusionally - believe that my true place of belonging is over there, that this life is just a test run, and I have had awakening experiences that have shown me that they're (family; spouse) on the other side, waiting for me to return.

Let's try to keep homophobia out of this discussion...

I'm a bit tipsy, I'm about ready to go to bed. Howeber. Evryone should feel happy for who they are, let's always remember to love and accept one another. Night!

@Yali Awww. Your face is so cute and cherubic, even when you're sarcastic it is hard not to adore. I just wanna pinch your cheeks and tell you, whatever happens you deserve the best. No matter what. @AtheisticNonduality You seem both green and yellow imo. Able to take in different experiences with stride and come to your own, personal unique conclusions that work best for what you believe in, without being too forceful of people who are different and able to integrate them into your own life.

@Yali I have had interactions with sensors, and they simply can't understand the intuitive world, if you got with an ESFP, as an INTJ, it would be hard for you. INTJ do not like chaos, constant emotional action/turmoil - and they would get worn out, and lack of the intellectual stimuli that they crave. Imagine, having this whole world in your head, and sharing it with a sensor: Realistic interaction: *An intuitive is about to die on their deathbed, they ask the doctor what they think happens at the end of death?* *Doctor responds - Oh - we change your sheets for the next patient.*

^ I have little judgement, I was just raised in a different era, the one right before a lot of this became mainstream, and need to adjust my views. "Why does it matter what people want to do with their own personal lives?" This. I agree with this so much, that this is a huge mantra of mine that I fall back on when I worry about what other people are doing. I don't think that it does, which is why I am actively trying to change my stance on transgender issues, but it takes time to educate one's self about such things. It doesn't happen overnight. I genuinely don't think that people should be held back by anything that society does or says, as far as sexuality goes as long as it doesn't hurt children/animals/innocents/disabled/etc. - you know, keep it consensual. I actually am concerned about them as a group, because a large percentage of transexual people are suicidal, depressed, lonely - and no one deserves to feel this way. As for judgement, I've grown on this. A lot. Just a few months ago, I felt that they weren't women, that there was a distinction - trans-woman, but a thread on here opened up my eyes and made me realize that I needed to take a different approach. That my opinions were utter trash and worthless, and that I didn't have the full story. So I sat with it, and reflected on it and realized that I just needed to sit with an open mind and try to integrate different experiences/viewpoints and personally, I can set an idea aside in order to gain more info on it before coming to any sort of conclusion on anything - this often takes a few years. If I find my viewpoint is wrong, I want to know why, and I like to discuss those things with people. Of course, I want to know why in a way that doesn't shame me in reverse. Like, when you start shaming someone for not having the full story, they're just starting to read the book, it makes more sense to give them pointers. I tend to be a person who synthesizes new information, but if it comes with jabs and knife cuts, then it's like, little shocks in the system that prevent me from actually getting to sit with what is being said and mull it over. This is why I strongly believe that if someone doesn't have views that are up to date, but they are wanting to change those views, rather than coming at them with barbs - truly talk to them where they are at, especially if you have experience with this topic, then it means that your life views on the matter are extremely valuable in helping people to understand and change their worldviews. I don't think that most people, when they realize that their worldview isn't accurate - I don't think most people want to 'stay' in that space. People evolve, constantly. I tend to be someone who "feels" first. I have a feeling on something - it then doesn't match with what is going on, or it seems harmful, and I adjust. But generally, being a feeler, I tend to start with that first, followed by reflection, introspection and synthesis of different world views. Generally, being someone who feels first, if I find that something isn't in alignment with what makes another person happy - then I automatically want to correct that - but if someone is scolding me for being in the wrong or not knowing, then my first feeling is to become defensive, even if they are right. If we want to change how people view one another in a positive way, then we must, at least try, to bring positivity and a well meaning attitude to the table. If they prove us wrong after reaching out, then a harsher nature could be put into place - but if you start out with that - maybe someone who is especially stoic can look past that to just discuss the issues at hand, in which case, good for them, but for most of the population it puts people off. And finally, I have had friends who were trans. One started out as a man and changed into a woman. I didn't really think anything of it. It was back when this was something that wasn't done as frequently and the only thing that I really thought was, "Wow, they did a good job on themselves and they have a lot of self esteem that they didn't have when I knew them in school. Good for them." And another person I met for a brief time that I had a crush on, actually. They were a man who was transitioning to be a woman, but liked other women. I loved their energy and their sweetness, but at the time I could not view them as a woman. I didn't say this outright, but I knew in the back of my mind that this would not be good for this person and backed off, allowing them to get to know a lesbian girl who had dated someone non-binary who would be able to view them exactly how they felt. So see, not everyone is trying to cause mischief for vulnerable minorities. Some of us are just clueless people who come from a period in time where this sort of thing was quite rare and without socialization into understanding what it means - we are left to spend our time learning about it.

@DrugsBunny Have you ever, genuinely looked into your own attitude? Your posts are pocked, not with genuine reflection on yourself, your attitude, but a dry, rude, abrasive manner in how you speak to, and view everyone here. I know that I have this at times, but I actually work through it, you don't know how unhypocritical and self-reflective I am - but I don't see that coming from you at all. You don't meet people where they are at, you jump on them, force your opinions down their throat in the name of social decency and then pat yourself on the back for it. It's like, if you genuinely wanted to make a difference and use your obvious intellect for good use, you would ditch the attitude and actually try to see where people are coming from without the snark. That isn't something that can be argued. You freaking do it. Stop it, look into it, or fine, never grow. Turn into an abusive grouch for all I care. Later. I'm done.

@DrugsBunny Oh, it's you. You're cynical and try to run people over with your own opinions and you've spread a toxic, bad attitude all across this forum, to be honest. I would look into that. You can actually be informative and work with people without needing to be a complete cu**. I feel bad for you, it must be so exhausting having such a dry view of the world and the people in it. When someone is trying to change their beliefs to include others - why do you think this chronic abrasive tactic is going to work? You intellectually bowl right over people, again, without even taking their own experiences into consideration. This makes you "smartly stupid" in that it is a huge character flaw that is glaringly obvious. I don't like you. At all. Our energies do not match. Don't comment on my stuff because it's clear that you're not someone who views other people in good faith, you're here to spread an obnoxious attitude of superiority over the other members here. "I don't mean to sound abrasive." Get real.

I've tried offering my opinions on this in the past, but it's one of those hot button topics that no one can really agree on, and when I do offer my opinion on it, I don't know if I have all the facts to really know what I am talking about. It's kind of like, I would offer my opinion on this, that I have currently, of which my opinions are always evolving and shifting depending on new information but at the same time, if it comes at the cost of making someone uncomfortable or feel unseen, then my opinion automatically doesn't matter - their lived experience matters more and we should listen and take that into account. That's the middle ground that I stand on. I simply don't know what it is like to be in their shoes, so whatever flippant thing I have to say on the topic is always going to pale in comparison to someone's genuine experience. I think that we have to learn to adjust to people. If our opinions come at the cost of someone else's mental health, their feeling of belonging and safety, then it should be more important to try and include them and to try and see them the way they want to be seen. If they 'feel' like a woman, take steps to look like a woman. Then let's call them women.

I've heard that the nothingness that people experience after death is actually both black and white. Not only is it one or the other, but both and at the same time.

Dude, I know how it feels I was a victim of this as well and it can really mess up your self image and how you approach relationships for sure. I ended up being a fearful-avoidant and unless I am with a dismissive-avoidant to "chase" - in order to actually avoid getting close to people, then I sabotage and run away from any and all chances at ever having a relationship. I wish I could give you a big hug and to let you know that you didn't deserve what happened to you, that you deserve a loving and fulfilling relationship with a woman who treats you with respect. I wish I had more advice for you, but seeing as I still have not really worked through my own stuff I don't have any special words of wisdom to offer other than to let you know that I get it - it can be really hard, but please don't ever give up on yourself or look down on yourself. It looks like you have already done so much work and you should be proud that you're taking action to be the best version of yourself. I hope other people can chime in and offer you some advice or a pathway towards healing. Also, it's okay to be needy in relationships - I mean, we are human and we need things from one another. Hopefully this problem can be mitigated by finding someone who can reciprocate and let you know that you're worth it. All the best!

I like Leo, he's a very helpful person. He is awesome, though I personally feel quite neutral to him, and since he has expressed that he prefers that neutrality from his viewers I never saw any reason to idealize him or try to think of him as anything more than just 'one of the people here'. More than anything, I respect him quite a lot. Some of his views don't line up with mine, but for the most part I find that his dealing with people, creating a safe space for us all to work on ourselves, and offering free videos packed full of information that you can't find anywhere else at the level of depth he goes into to be so, so valuable - and when I see threads like this it does remind me that I should take the time to appreciate him a bit more.

I don't have any book suggestions, but as someone who has worked through a large portion of this - while sometimes falling back on these vulnerabilities, I can tell you what worked for me was realizing that when people judge you, negatively or positively, it's usually only a small portion of you. And so, while feedback is helpful, it is better to view it from an objective lens and see if it is actually true in your experience. If it is true, positively or negatively, you can take action on it or not, and if it is not true then you can roll your eyes and move on. The truth is, humans, in order to live, generally have to make snap judgements about one another as we interact with so many different types of people, it is hard to get a clear picture on everyone that you meet. So this is just part of their natural filtering process. It will never encompass everything that you are, your entire history, your psychology - people are not made of quick judgements, we are inside of it all entire books of personal history and are each unique and very complicated. So the next time someone judges you, try seeing how accurate it is. Sometimes these judgements can be helpful in seeing blind spots that you might have, but don't take them personally. They are literally a single piece in an entire jig-saw puzzle that is You. And don't worry if they do, it isn't the end of the world. It just means that they are not the right people for you, and knowing that is a good thing. Try doing your best to view each judgement as a positive thing, spin it in this way.

ENFJ - Manipulate me and use me, suck me dry for years and then leave. Sex is good, though. Met a few casually and they were wonderful, so I think mine was just unhealthy. ENFP - Becomes my best friend before leaving me because they're too involved with the drug scene/ get tired of my neediness/ need for new experiences. Has a mirroring quality to them that we both like to look into and there is a lot of mutual love. INFJ - I get along with them well enough, but find them kind of shallow/placating to other people, while being judgmental underneath the façade, or super generous people with a lot of skills and talents who are nice to everyone and deserve a good life. INTJ - Females are amazing, with a lot of similar goals and values - males are mutual kitty cat scratchies and or emotional/intellectual incompatibility and or I don't feel one way or the other for most of them. INTP - Super cool people, I have not met many I don't like. Open minded, very smart, and genuine. I would date one if we had common interests/were in the age range I was looking for. One of my fave intuitives. ENTP - Not emotional enough for me romantically, but I adore their sense of humour and desire to play, they make me feel mutually playful and happy to be around them. Great as friends for sure. ENTJ - Knew a female one and we clashed a bit, only know of these unicorns from online forums and reading about them. I couldn't say entirely what it would be like to know one as I have not had much time around them. I would either feel intimidated or perhaps safe in their structured lives, one or the other.

@JuliusCaesar It's not a super popular thread, you know, maybe mid-tier something like that. Popular threads are usually a lot longer than this one. I think people are just shocked that someone who claims to be a teacher and healer is doing this to their students; people who are looking to this man for help. I think it's a good thing, let's say someone wanted to use this person as their guide, well now this information is out there, they can find it and make a more educated decision on if this person is qualified to be doing what they are doing - and from what I have read, I don't believe that they are.

@Proserpina As one of the entities you speak with, or a person who you met and found their way into your thoughts? I'm sorry to hear that - such a thing happened with my ENFJ bf years ago, but I am mostly recovered now, it's been about 6 years. I mean, any type can be friends, but for long term compatibility, they generally don't work well - but just as casual acquaintances, or friends, their ni-te is helpful, and they seem to like our fi-ne in short bursts. Most aren't good relationship material because they are callous/treat their partners unkindly/view others from a lens of what is wrong with them, how to fix it, people become projects instead of people, things of this nature. Female ones, though, make fantastic friends. They're much softer and a bit more emotional. They can still be arrogant, but they seem to, from what I have seen, reserve that for the opposite sex or people who are really rude to them. This thread has turned into INTJ hour for some reason. I'm gunna head out now because I don't have much more to add, I actually don't have a lot of long-term experience - sans my female friend - with this type of person and so there's not a whole lot more I have to mention on them. I could write pages and pages on ENFJ's due to real world experience, but beyond what I've mentioned, I am out of my element, almost as much as with sensors, of which I pretty much know nothing about.

@RendHeaven I like poking bears, too. It's fun, especially when they're trying to sleep.

Ne = making a delicious meal using all sorts of fine ingredients. Ni = a literal crow scooping barf up off the side of the road. Fe = generally agreeable and compliant. Fi = cat scratches.

@RendHeaven You don't even need to plaster MBTI on your experiences. That's not what it's for, it's to experiment with different ways of experiencing the world. Humans have a few different ways of understanding and taking in information, you don't even need to add XXXX on top of it, you could just take note of the way your mind is taking in different information at different points of time - what that means for you, why you do it, etc. There's a set number of the ways we do this through our intuition and senses, and some people prefer using certain functions over other ones. These people will have some similarities between them, although every human being is unique, of course. The point of MBTI is not to 'just' plaster a few letters over a person's personality, but to see how they take in the world and gain a better understanding of the different ways humans live their lives. I mean, I recognize at the end of the day it gets close to generalizing things a bit, but if you reign it in and don't take it too far, be sure to actually know what each of the functions feels like in your first hand experience, you can generally have an easier time seeing and meeting other people where they are at.