Loba

I've been thinking about something similar, like if you had an eternal life after this one - and it was more sexually oriented, but not just sexually oriented, but moved closer to that of unity and love - what would that relationship look like? What would be the story behind it, the race of people and stuff? Why do they use sexuality in a certain manner moreso than a human might? I think just having a bed, a bathroom and a fuck-yard would get kind of bland. You need motivations, a backstory, something that gives everything meaning. Just sitting around fucking different people without anything else to strive towards for the rest of eternity would get stale pretty quickly. Plus no food or drink, gotta have that. Food and drink is so good.

Still feeling quite sick today. Putting off going to the store until tomorrow so that I don't spread my illness around. Super snotty, super coughy. Sneezy wheezy. Hope it's not Covid. Been thinking a bit about opinions this morning. I know I have a lot of them, but I also realize that most opinions are bullshit. They're just kind of humanly end-all be-all door stoppers to keep a sense of reality afloat. "I feel this way about this, or that way about that." Generally though, life is extremely nuanced and it's damned near impossible to have a world-view that encompasses all the view points. I notice that I tend to stop at, "I like thing, I don't like thing." And not to go much further into it, and think that maybe I should spend more time expanding on my worldviews. I had a friend who used to follow me around on this website years ago who chose the name, "I like thing" for this very reason. I miss him. Hope he is doing well. I've been expanding on my little world while resting in my bed, as there really isn't much else to do while resting. I've hit a road block on a few things, but I have the hunting down, it's kind of hard for me to imagine the specifics of it - I'm not very good at the gritty technical details when it comes to world building. So, how these creatures hunt. Their world is held together by yin energy, the darkness, a miasma. They live pretty much forever, and deaths are almost unheard of. The entire planet is composed of this energy, but through a collective imaginative effort, they are able to manifest an actual planet, complete with medium sized cities, farmland, forests - and such things. It's a mid-tier density level planet in the beginning portions of the astral realm. There are still bodies, and structures and things of this nature, but it is seen to be illusory and are held together for the simple reason of having cohesion and a sense of civilization. These creatures would be considered a step or two above the human realm, which is very dense, it is hard to manifest things into it, and the illusory nature of reality is not so readily apparent. While hunting, these creatures create hunting parties. Different aptitudes and body types will go to a hunting building, put in their name and specifics and wait in a line until an entire hunting party is established. You get to choose the type of creature to wish to take down as well. They work together to take down animals in the same formation that wolf packs use. When a party is created, they are moved into a room together and dissolve the boundaries of their semi-physical reality to return to the dark miasma from which they come. Like removing the boundaries of time and space, but in a select area. While in this space, being made from the same material as the darkness, they turn into these very dark smoke-like creatures that can run along the top and sides of the darkness, as if it was a solid. Within the miasma, all sorts of creatures exist. Some of them are beings made of pure light that travel long distances in between the different points of light, like little whales in their own right swimming through a vast black ocean of nothingness. When one is spotted - there are a few different species - they lack detail and are generally the silver-white outlines of creatures and are easily seen on contrast to the night - they are hunted down to the point of exhaustion and then the "wolf" in front goes in for the kill, grabs it by the neck, gives it a few quick shakes and the deed is done. Then the entire hunting party collectively creates consensus reality again and find themselves back in the hunting room, where they work together de-flesh the animal, to take the parts that they need, put them in bags and take them home to make food out of. Light is sustenance for them. They only hunt creatures of the light that are migrating from different light points, and the society is built so that the numbers and patterns of the different animals hunted are taken into account. They never take more than their share - and have worked hard to create a balanced society. Despite being made from the same substance that "evil" is made from, it is still able to, it it's own right, create a well-meaning hard-working society of entities. This just isn't as common of an occurrence. It is quite an anomaly to have a well-structured society of dark-oriented beings. But they have found that if they don't take too much, focus their immeasurably long lives on balance, that the light permits a reasonable number of sacrifices. Consciousness needs to expand and it doesn't care what your orientation is - light or dark. Those that are on the dark side need to consume light in order to function, but light does not need to consume dark. They have plants, vegetables and things of this nature, but they come from the planet, which is made from the dark miasma and so hunting is an essential part of this culture. My boo Matt likes to be in the front of the pack alignment when he hunts and likes to be the one to go in for the kill. He enjoys when the little creatures squeal their last little breaths as he shakes the life out of them in between his sharp teeth. I mean, despite enjoying humans, he is a demon after all, and demons do like to hunt. It's what they do. The reason why his species is neutral towards humans, why they don't attack or harm human souls while on their way back to source is because humans are a grey area. We aren't all light or all dark, we're both and we are given the free will to choose one or the other. No human lives its entire life completely in the light or the darkness. Because of this, humans are not viewed as food. When moving up through the astral plane, there is a tunnel that human souls go through, and occasionally, maybe one out of 20 million, accidentally get re-routed to this dark planet. They're viewed as a neutral phenomena, and because they aren't food nor contribute to maintaining the structure of the society, if a human soul lands on this planet, they are generally left alone to their own devices. This species of demon is extremely neutral and don't want to shift the delicate balance of their culture by getting involved in anything. After a period of time, God, or sometimes other beings will come to retrieve the human's soul and will reroute it back to where it is destined to go. Matt started to actively search for them, after stumbling across a confused girl - after helping her, letting her stay with him, sharing a bit of his culture and knowledge with her, he began to fancy them. She did end up being retrieved by members of her soul group, and after this experience he decided he would help more. After being one of the top hunters and an accomplish multi-restaurant owner for over a thousand years, he let that go, became depressed and spent the next 500 years in his mansion at the top of one of the richest hills in the city. He would occasionally go hunting for large game, enough to bring home a decent amount so that he didn't have to hunt very often. He would still search for human souls, he would corral them in the neighborhood with a black smoke made from his consciousness and then would bring them to his home until they were gathered up by whomever was destined to come for them. He had a decent social life, many women who were interested in him and a career that he loved - but when he realized that the lock would not activate in his chest he became very depressed. A huge portion of growing, of creating, of living, was to open up this vortex. If you can't do it, what's the point of anything else? So he left it all behind, and would occasionally help the rare human who landed there, but for the most part spent his time alone - sans a few close friends who would check up on him. He had two friends that he did see on a weekly basis, a couple, Wyatt and Maya. He had given Wyatt all his businesses when he retired. They liked to hunt together, and Maya was a beaming socialite who often tried to set him up with new friends that she found. He hated every minute of it, but went along with it to make her happy. Despite all of it, he was a good friend and a decent demon-creature with a big fuzzy heart. He would go to dinner with Wyatt, Maya and whoever she would bring along with her, or at times he would bring them all back to his home and he would show off his cooking skills. Usually at the end of the night, he would wish them all well and send them on their way but occasionally someone who seemed like they could possibly be a good match, he would invite them to stay for a night. But it never worked out. The energy center, that was supposed to activate under the conditions of being able to fall in love, just never happened for him. He became increasingly more depressed. A huge part of being alive, of being this sort of entity, was having that portion of yourself open. It's what all of the prior work that was done was for. Their culture, traditions and civilization was built upon opening this lock and key system, which was a huge contributor in helping to build and maintain the cohesive structure of their reality. They learned early on, that if you don't have love, you don't have a functioning society. But bringing humans home, he felt delighted around them. They were so small compared to him. Generally a foot or two shorter. When moving from one ethereal plane to another, human souls remained relatively young, usually between the ages of 6-20. They didn't have the memories or residue of their previous lives, as this was stripped away from them during the process of death. Occasionally he could access the Akashic records to find information on the life that the human had lived prior to coming there, but this did not happen very often. He built his understanding of the human world and their lives around what he did learn from these chance encounters and came to the conclusion that human life was dense, harsh, and unconnected and he related to the human condition. Humans didn't have a lock and key system, they would never come to understand love the way his kind could, and yet so many of them spent their little, short lives looking for this intangible thing, most of them passing away with only a few short tastes of what it could really be and was. He felt that they were precious in their lack of balance, how they consumed everything in sight without having any understanding into the balance of the universe. He found it interesting that beings of darkness were more loving and aware than these creatures with free will and a grey area in their nature. Some of them could be very beautiful and sweet and some of them commit the most horrible of crimes. They were destined to return to earth time and time again until they had cleared their karma and were eligible to move onto the next level of development. They weren't held down by structure and tradition and culture quite in the same way that he was, they were in their own way, more free and he admired this about them. When they found their way to his home, due to not having any memories, they didn't have the darkness in them that they had accumulated on earth and so he attributed their harmful actions more to the density of the planet/dimension that they came from, and the lack of seeing the entire structure of reality and the consequences that came from the lack of balance with natural harmony. He would teach these things to them, would have them try his people's food, and would show them how to manifest certain things into their reality. Reality in this dimension was a bit more lucid, but you still had to follow some rules. After a day to a month had passed, either God or the human's soul family would create a portal/passage way that allowed the soul to transcend. He had no idea if they retained his lessons or not, but teaching them about his life and his people during the short time that they were there was the only thing that gave him joy in his celibate, dry life. That's all I got for now. I'll think on it today and tomorrow I will write on the lock and key system.

Was this what was happening when he was posting the pictures on Instagram? So we did have a right to be worried about him while some of you rubes were shaming people for being concerned about his wellbeing. Turns out he most likely was going through something. Hope y'all who tried to smooth it over have a serious talk with your own lack of intuition when it comes to other people.

Maybe, but maybe it's a realm where we go... "Oh, I like that." "No, I hate that, that sucks." ...And then we die! But now we know what we like and what we don't like and we get to build upon that. Personal heaven, maybe? I don't know... better than your idea though. Perhaps life is the setting stage for one super fanfiction? That would be sweet. So say, you don't like incinerators. Don't add them to your personal heaven. Incinerator = bad. But say you like ham sandwiches. Let's add that to our future heaven. Ham sammie = goood.

Tina is such an accurate mood. Taking an interim from more formal posts for a week or two... I've been sick for the past few days with a cold, so while in bed I've been working on my demon-guy fantasy - how I want it to play out for my bardo scene. Sometimes when life gets stressful or lonely, I like to fall back into a little world for a while, right before bed and right when I wake up and expand upon it. What I've got so far - in the astral plane, when human souls are being returned back to their place of origin, some of them get caught in the gravity of this planet. It is made of dark material/miasma, but functions similarly to the human realm - except that things are more easily manifest here - the beings here often hunt for their own food in the astral, beings/animals made of light. They are taken, ground or chopped and made into good foods that don't spoil. Everything is put together using a kind of collective imagination, there are still streets to walk down - no cars, plants and things such as this - cities and neighborhoods, but it isn't as thick of a realm as planet earth and things are a bit more malleable. So anyways, some get caught in the gravity of this planet on the way back to their own dimension, and are usually treated as a normal, but uneventful phenomenon. They aren't really seen, aren't given much help, and most do eventually find their way back on the right path to where they need to go. These beings look just like humans, except they all have black hair, ice blue eyes that cover the entire eye with a small, thin pupil and are 6.5-8 feet tall. A large portion of their society is based on eating the flesh from creatures of light, so they are able to turn into large black wolves and hunt in the astral plane in packs. They're made from the same substance that brings disarray to the human world, evil, strife and whatnot, but in themselves are a very compassionate and balanced society. They aren't evil, they just happen to be born from the other stuff. They live forever, and stop growing at around 30. Every year, the miasma makes about three our four new souls and the society cares for them into adulthood. They don't have children of their own. It's very much a male is a male and a female is a female society - they are energetically balanced, with men often growing a few thousand years before the women, and the women taking on a more submissive role. Men hunt, provide, women supplicate and fawn over them. Shit like that. Very cis. They have an energetic center in their chests that allows them to soul bond, women bring it outwards into the men, and like a key and lock, it takes a few years at times to get it just right, it eventually clicks. It's a social, but mostly partner-based society. A large portion of what activates and helps their society is this pair-binding function. They don't have things such as war, famine, greed, over population, none of this. So, about my partner - my imaginary after-death bardo boo. His name is Matt. And he is peculiar. He doesn't like members of his own species, and he doesn't know why. He likes human souls. A lot. He is 7 feet tall, with a stunning angular face. He's an excellent hunter and amassed a large portion of wealth over a period of a thousand years being a world famous chef - who would use the ingredients that he caught and hunted himself and owned a chain of restaurants for a while. He had tried getting along with women of his own kid, even sleeping with them, but the gravity in the center of him never went off - he just wasn't into it. Before he had let his business go, he noticed a human female soul wandering around and offered to help her find her way back to her own realm. He brought her to his home and took note that food made from the light was also very healthy for a human soul. They could eat the same things. He realized that he had a soft spot for them, and when he retired from the restaurant business, he began to actively seek out lost human souls and would help them get back to their homes. In this process he realized he was attracted to the human women. He wasn't a creep, though, and didn't do anything with them or insinuate that he was attracted to them. Friends of his would question him on why he hadn't found a partner yet, it was beginning to get a little unusual. He finally came clean and told them about his fetish for human women. This wasn't even heard of among their kind. He was just some rare anomaly. They tried to explain to him that humans were a lower species, that they came from a more dense planet, that the destiny of their lives and souls were completely different. They were meant to reincarnate over and over again until they completed some sort of cycle, while these beings were made from the energy of darkness and lived forever - and the darkness - within reason, consumes the light. This is why they were so balanced, not taking more than they should of anything, living by the natural laws of energetic balance. They wanted to know, can a human even love the way that we can? Do they bond to their partners the way we do? We aren't compatible, it wasn't a possibility. They tried to set him up with different women, none of which he showed any interest in. He explained that he loved their fragility, their imbalance, their fleeting little lives, he loved how innocent and starstruck they looked when they arrived here by accident and that it made him feel good to help them find their way back. No one could understand it. He accepted it. He would just live his life alone, he couldn't change who he was. He was viewed with respect and pity at the same time. Respect for the work he accomplished, the money he made, the skills he had, but pitied for being cursed to be in love with creatures that were incompatible. But then the events from "Eat it, Annie" happened and the right human fell into his lap. He learned that humans could bond in the same way that he could, that as long as there was a genuine connection there, that everything was compatible. When I slept, my soul siphoned off information as to who I was before I had died. I was a human woman, who had a hard life. I was lonely. I also felt incompatible with the world, weird, strange, and that nothing that I did fit or worked right. I had spent my whole life wanting something in life that I knew didn't exist, being who and what I was, and after my family passed away - I committed suicide. He could see it, and feel it all. Taking the pills. Having seizures on the floor before passing out and my soul leaving my body. But when my soul passed through the tunnel in the astral realm, it wasn't tilted towards where he lived, like the others - it had been moved there, a trajectory had been made. My soul was dropped here for a reason. He felt as though God had handed him a human of his own. He had his own little human to care for and to protect and we had bonded in a normal manner. The key fit the lock. He knew that his friends and others of his own kind that knew of him would be aware of this gravitational pull in his chest - meaning that an integral part of who he was was activated, and he knew they would smell a human on him and he wondered what their reactions would be. His species was completely neutral to humans, and so there was nothing to worry about, but being creatures of long standing tradition and a sense of general energetic balance, this was something not heard of or understood at all. He felt protective, knowing that I came from a place where life was more difficult, he wanted to hunt and to make food, to manage the home, to keep me there like a little pet. I would stay there with him forever - sent there by God to offer some relief to a lonely alien monster - to learn about what his species knew of the cosmos, of reality, and I would accept his home and his food and his way of living graciously. His friends and acquaintances had come to accept it. They viewed it as a one-time anomaly and made the decision that to have a human at all was preferable to being alone, but they couldn't understand it. The dynamic was quite skewed. He was much older, by thousands of years and had the wisdom and the meditative patience that those from the human world had never seen before. The amassed wisdom and balance that these creatures of darkness had managed to obtain was something to envy. Not many beings made from the darkness were able to create civilizations, let alone ones that were based on communal effort, tradition, work ethic and empathy. These creatures had a lot of empathy and love for their own kind, and struck a balance with the light, where they never hunted more than their share - and he had more empathy and compassion than even most of his own kind. To share in what he knew with a soft, vulnerable human is what made him feel like a male. To him, human souls were small and doll like - he liked the power imbalance and of being able to share the novelty of his life with something completely out of the ordinary. He knew of God, and of God's goodness, but hadn't expected that a soul would be brought to him, just for him. He felt very grateful. Creatures of the darkness were not often bestowed as many gifts as those that were light oriented - no matter how generous or neutral they were. That's all I got. I'm trying to expand on the traditions of these people, how things are manifest into their world, what a soul-bond entails between one of them and a human and how that works, the type of animals that they hunt and the cuisine that they make, what they look like as wolves, how exactly Matt helps the souls of humans - I don't know exactly how he got them on the right track to go back to where they belong, they don't use cars - so what sort of transportation they take, yadda yadda. After a few months, I'll have a fully detailed little world to fall back on for maximum cope. I like this one, this one is actually fun. And 'cause in this fantasy I'm like - fucken dead, I'm all hot again, so I don't feel like a total troll. It's a win-win. I hope my soul does get whisked away to some other place after death, to be with some dark demon man. They say everyone has their match - maybe mine is not part of this dimension?

I would move on. If someone is not interested in you, take their word for it and accept that this is likely not going to change. If ever there was a glimmer of hope, which there isn't much of one, then moving on actually allows that person greater clarity into deciding how they feel about you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. But if you just kind of stick around her, hoping things will change, placating to her, instead of going off, living your own life and being your best self, this can turn a woman away from you in an instant. The thing is, there are many, many people in the world to get to know and to meet. Don't put all your eggs in one basket for one person. For every one girl that you feel a connection to, there are hundreds if not thousands more in your area that would be an even better match. It sucks when someone doesn't reciprocate, and I know how that feels, but if I were you, I would cut ties until you no longer have any feelings for her. Maybe when you've moved on you could continue the friendship if you choose to.

I know how you feel, the struggle is real. It sounds like you have a game addiction. Have you thought of just writing your fantasies out? Is it strictly set within a game, or are there other fantasies you have? Maybe you could bring your wife into them. Playing them out sexually, or even just playfully with another person can be fun, it doesn't have to be corralled to just an online game. I would set limits on the game time, and figure out ways you can enjoy the best of both worlds while here and also staying within reality. What I do is I set a certain time, preferably just before I get up while my mind is still lucid to imagine certain scenarios, and then if they appeal to me I might write about them. I'll build different worlds and narratives in my mind until I've exhausted all I can get from that world and will then move onto something else. Fantasy can be very healthy, you just have to make sure it doesn't bleed out into what you know to be absolutely true - humans do need an outlet for their imaginations. Try to find ways to work around this so that you aren't substituting fantasy for reality, but instead using your imagination as an add-on component to make life more creative and interesting.

I heard the news today That you're not mine to keep Don't struggle too much now While I kill you in your sleep What is lust if it's not beating by yourself? I won't be gentle to the body on the shelf It's only water, it's only fire, it's only love It's only slaughter, we're only liars, it's only blood They're only thoughts that I'm having thoughts safe within my head You're only crying, you're only dying, you're only dead

Ugh, unrequited love is the pits. As a romantic, I totally get it. I used to have this problem a lot more than I do now, I would get these crushes that would last years sometimes and would know that they had no chance of going anywhere and yet the person would always end up in my mind for some reason. It hurt a lot. I battled this a lot from my middle school years until the end of my twenties - and this sort of pining for someone who didn't have the same feelings is the habit that allowed me to stay in a bad relationship for years. At the end of my relationship, I realized that my constant thoughts and assumptions about them being better than me, more deserving than me, of them being this really cool person, this began to fade away and I was able to see the real person - who was just as flawed and scared and weird as I was - I was able to take a step back and see the glaring incompatibility that was right under my nose the whole time that I couldn't accept. I wanted and needed this person to love me so much, and they just couldn't do it. So what I do now when this starts to happen, is I try to take a step back and instead of viewing them as this unobtainable gem - I try to see them in a realistic manner, warts and all. I will actively search for reasons as to why we are incompatible, why letting the person go is the best thing that I can do for myself and for them. No one is perfect, people usually have a lot of flaws and incompatibilities. Try seeing those in this person, instead of just the good, try to detach through an honest, detailed introspection as to why this person is not right for you. Every time you catch yourself thinking about her, remind yourself of something that is unflattering about her. Keep doing this and eventually the crush will stop causing you problems.

I relate to a lot of this, but I don't think that my experiences have been as harsh as yours. From what you've written here, you do have a right to be angry. I used to be a very angry person myself, and sometimes I find that this still slips out, but I've been working on it for a few years now and am beginning to see a lot of improvement. It takes time, the world can be a harsh place and people can be kind of infuriating, not gunna lie. What I noticed that has helped was, when I get angry, I try to look into why I felt that way and if I acted on it, I don't let myself off the hook. I look into it. I think on it, write on it, and try to understand the root of the problem. Just understanding why you feel a certain way, and then giving yourself a break for being human, this does wonders. Another thing I do, is I scream into a pillow. I've actually done this a few times while using this forum, if something frustrates me, I'll squeal, "Eeeee!" and the expression of this frustration helps, rather than keeping it inside. Try getting some things you can hit, like pillows or a punching bag, sometimes getting out anger in this way helps a lot, too.

@Yeah Yeah It feels romantic to me, coming home... Just 15 more years of this shit. I did the research..., if you have a mental illness then it is treated as something terminal and so it isn't castigated by those on the other side. An acquaintance of mine - his father recently passed away due to a self inflicted gun shot wound to the head. He was 85 and his health was starting to fail him and his wife is dying of dementia. Getting old seems to me to be nothing more than a series of losing everything that you've worked for and love - I'd rather go out in my middle age. As for the romance, it is because I - possibly delusionally - believe that my true place of belonging is over there, that this life is just a test run, and I have had awakening experiences that have shown me that they're (family; spouse) on the other side, waiting for me to return.

Let's try to keep homophobia out of this discussion...

I'm a bit tipsy, I'm about ready to go to bed. Howeber. Evryone should feel happy for who they are, let's always remember to love and accept one another. Night!

@Yali Awww. Your face is so cute and cherubic, even when you're sarcastic it is hard not to adore. I just wanna pinch your cheeks and tell you, whatever happens you deserve the best. No matter what. @AtheisticNonduality You seem both green and yellow imo. Able to take in different experiences with stride and come to your own, personal unique conclusions that work best for what you believe in, without being too forceful of people who are different and able to integrate them into your own life.

@Yali I have had interactions with sensors, and they simply can't understand the intuitive world, if you got with an ESFP, as an INTJ, it would be hard for you. INTJ do not like chaos, constant emotional action/turmoil - and they would get worn out, and lack of the intellectual stimuli that they crave. Imagine, having this whole world in your head, and sharing it with a sensor: Realistic interaction: *An intuitive is about to die on their deathbed, they ask the doctor what they think happens at the end of death?* *Doctor responds - Oh - we change your sheets for the next patient.*

^ I have little judgement, I was just raised in a different era, the one right before a lot of this became mainstream, and need to adjust my views. "Why does it matter what people want to do with their own personal lives?" This. I agree with this so much, that this is a huge mantra of mine that I fall back on when I worry about what other people are doing. I don't think that it does, which is why I am actively trying to change my stance on transgender issues, but it takes time to educate one's self about such things. It doesn't happen overnight. I genuinely don't think that people should be held back by anything that society does or says, as far as sexuality goes as long as it doesn't hurt children/animals/innocents/disabled/etc. - you know, keep it consensual. I actually am concerned about them as a group, because a large percentage of transexual people are suicidal, depressed, lonely - and no one deserves to feel this way. As for judgement, I've grown on this. A lot. Just a few months ago, I felt that they weren't women, that there was a distinction - trans-woman, but a thread on here opened up my eyes and made me realize that I needed to take a different approach. That my opinions were utter trash and worthless, and that I didn't have the full story. So I sat with it, and reflected on it and realized that I just needed to sit with an open mind and try to integrate different experiences/viewpoints and personally, I can set an idea aside in order to gain more info on it before coming to any sort of conclusion on anything - this often takes a few years. If I find my viewpoint is wrong, I want to know why, and I like to discuss those things with people. Of course, I want to know why in a way that doesn't shame me in reverse. Like, when you start shaming someone for not having the full story, they're just starting to read the book, it makes more sense to give them pointers. I tend to be a person who synthesizes new information, but if it comes with jabs and knife cuts, then it's like, little shocks in the system that prevent me from actually getting to sit with what is being said and mull it over. This is why I strongly believe that if someone doesn't have views that are up to date, but they are wanting to change those views, rather than coming at them with barbs - truly talk to them where they are at, especially if you have experience with this topic, then it means that your life views on the matter are extremely valuable in helping people to understand and change their worldviews. I don't think that most people, when they realize that their worldview isn't accurate - I don't think most people want to 'stay' in that space. People evolve, constantly. I tend to be someone who "feels" first. I have a feeling on something - it then doesn't match with what is going on, or it seems harmful, and I adjust. But generally, being a feeler, I tend to start with that first, followed by reflection, introspection and synthesis of different world views. Generally, being someone who feels first, if I find that something isn't in alignment with what makes another person happy - then I automatically want to correct that - but if someone is scolding me for being in the wrong or not knowing, then my first feeling is to become defensive, even if they are right. If we want to change how people view one another in a positive way, then we must, at least try, to bring positivity and a well meaning attitude to the table. If they prove us wrong after reaching out, then a harsher nature could be put into place - but if you start out with that - maybe someone who is especially stoic can look past that to just discuss the issues at hand, in which case, good for them, but for most of the population it puts people off. And finally, I have had friends who were trans. One started out as a man and changed into a woman. I didn't really think anything of it. It was back when this was something that wasn't done as frequently and the only thing that I really thought was, "Wow, they did a good job on themselves and they have a lot of self esteem that they didn't have when I knew them in school. Good for them." And another person I met for a brief time that I had a crush on, actually. They were a man who was transitioning to be a woman, but liked other women. I loved their energy and their sweetness, but at the time I could not view them as a woman. I didn't say this outright, but I knew in the back of my mind that this would not be good for this person and backed off, allowing them to get to know a lesbian girl who had dated someone non-binary who would be able to view them exactly how they felt. So see, not everyone is trying to cause mischief for vulnerable minorities. Some of us are just clueless people who come from a period in time where this sort of thing was quite rare and without socialization into understanding what it means - we are left to spend our time learning about it.

@DrugsBunny Have you ever, genuinely looked into your own attitude? Your posts are pocked, not with genuine reflection on yourself, your attitude, but a dry, rude, abrasive manner in how you speak to, and view everyone here. I know that I have this at times, but I actually work through it, you don't know how unhypocritical and self-reflective I am - but I don't see that coming from you at all. You don't meet people where they are at, you jump on them, force your opinions down their throat in the name of social decency and then pat yourself on the back for it. It's like, if you genuinely wanted to make a difference and use your obvious intellect for good use, you would ditch the attitude and actually try to see where people are coming from without the snark. That isn't something that can be argued. You freaking do it. Stop it, look into it, or fine, never grow. Turn into an abusive grouch for all I care. Later. I'm done.

@DrugsBunny Oh, it's you. You're cynical and try to run people over with your own opinions and you've spread a toxic, bad attitude all across this forum, to be honest. I would look into that. You can actually be informative and work with people without needing to be a complete cu**. I feel bad for you, it must be so exhausting having such a dry view of the world and the people in it. When someone is trying to change their beliefs to include others - why do you think this chronic abrasive tactic is going to work? You intellectually bowl right over people, again, without even taking their own experiences into consideration. This makes you "smartly stupid" in that it is a huge character flaw that is glaringly obvious. I don't like you. At all. Our energies do not match. Don't comment on my stuff because it's clear that you're not someone who views other people in good faith, you're here to spread an obnoxious attitude of superiority over the other members here. "I don't mean to sound abrasive." Get real.

I've tried offering my opinions on this in the past, but it's one of those hot button topics that no one can really agree on, and when I do offer my opinion on it, I don't know if I have all the facts to really know what I am talking about. It's kind of like, I would offer my opinion on this, that I have currently, of which my opinions are always evolving and shifting depending on new information but at the same time, if it comes at the cost of making someone uncomfortable or feel unseen, then my opinion automatically doesn't matter - their lived experience matters more and we should listen and take that into account. That's the middle ground that I stand on. I simply don't know what it is like to be in their shoes, so whatever flippant thing I have to say on the topic is always going to pale in comparison to someone's genuine experience. I think that we have to learn to adjust to people. If our opinions come at the cost of someone else's mental health, their feeling of belonging and safety, then it should be more important to try and include them and to try and see them the way they want to be seen. If they 'feel' like a woman, take steps to look like a woman. Then let's call them women.

I've heard that the nothingness that people experience after death is actually both black and white. Not only is it one or the other, but both and at the same time.

Dude, I know how it feels I was a victim of this as well and it can really mess up your self image and how you approach relationships for sure. I ended up being a fearful-avoidant and unless I am with a dismissive-avoidant to "chase" - in order to actually avoid getting close to people, then I sabotage and run away from any and all chances at ever having a relationship. I wish I could give you a big hug and to let you know that you didn't deserve what happened to you, that you deserve a loving and fulfilling relationship with a woman who treats you with respect. I wish I had more advice for you, but seeing as I still have not really worked through my own stuff I don't have any special words of wisdom to offer other than to let you know that I get it - it can be really hard, but please don't ever give up on yourself or look down on yourself. It looks like you have already done so much work and you should be proud that you're taking action to be the best version of yourself. I hope other people can chime in and offer you some advice or a pathway towards healing. Also, it's okay to be needy in relationships - I mean, we are human and we need things from one another. Hopefully this problem can be mitigated by finding someone who can reciprocate and let you know that you're worth it. All the best!

I like Leo, he's a very helpful person. He is awesome, though I personally feel quite neutral to him, and since he has expressed that he prefers that neutrality from his viewers I never saw any reason to idealize him or try to think of him as anything more than just 'one of the people here'. More than anything, I respect him quite a lot. Some of his views don't line up with mine, but for the most part I find that his dealing with people, creating a safe space for us all to work on ourselves, and offering free videos packed full of information that you can't find anywhere else at the level of depth he goes into to be so, so valuable - and when I see threads like this it does remind me that I should take the time to appreciate him a bit more.