Loba

Welcome to being human. This is what people do to one another. I've had friends like this, boyfriends, randoms online do this to me. What I've noticed is that these people will treat others in that way, and then go and do it to me right out of the blue, and then I am surprised - which I shouldn't be, but it shocks me every time it happens. I'll confront them about it and they will usually deny it or lie about the circumstances. Generally people with personality disorders like BPD and NPD do this sort of thing, and then they turn it around on you so that you end up looking like the person who is doing what they have done to you - it's very strange, almost impossible to point out as their defense mechanisms allow for complete deniability, and they're often the biggest whiner in the room, so they can usually garner people against you if you try to defend yourself. If you see someone who has constant drama in their life, who has personality issues, who repeatedly talks bad about others - avoid them. Let them go. Because not only will they do it to you, but they will then pretend that it's you doing it to them to avoid facing the fact that they mistreated you in the first place. People like that are a dime a dozen, not remotely special or unique, so just work on your boundaries and it shouldn't happen again. When this happens to me, I tend to start researching into toxic people, how to avoid them, etc, and this helps me reinstate my sense of self when around these chronic con-men. One thing I have noticed, is if you allow people like this into your inner circle, they can take away aspects of what makes you special as they start crowding your brain with their drama. If you are a creative or work with ideas of any sort, then you have to be careful about what you feed into your mind. People like this can literally spoil something unique and valuable in you. They love to do this. Don't let them.

Honestly, just take a good look at the sorts of people this forum collects and you'll have enough subjects on your roster to understand double standards and hypocrisy easily enough. You don't even have to go too far on the internet to find it. This forum is an absolute buffet.

Where will I go When you don't need me anymore Filled with questions As you waltz right out the door I am beaten, cast aside and dragged through dirt You are needed, you are needed We are the only ones who know where we belong We are the only ones who know We are the only ones who know where we belong I awoke the next morning to find that Matt had stayed up the whole night with me. This news warmed my heart. "Good morning..." He whispered, nuzzling my cheek with the tip of his nose. "How did you sleep?" "Fine..." I realized that I couldn't avoid looking at him and that at some point I was going to have to face my fear. I didn't want him to get the impression that I didn't love him, as I was starting to develop very strong emotions for this man. So I turned around, took his face into my hands and looked him right in the eyes. And it was just his presence there. Nothing strange or unusual or frightening at all. Just the person that I loved. I sighed in relief. "Thank you for telling me, that probably wasn't an easy decision to make." I couldn't hold it against him for waiting. We had only known one another for about a week and it wasn't as though he kept my secrets from me for a long time. I knew that he was just confused and was looking out for my best interests. "No..." He admitted. "It wasn't." He took his hand and rubbed it along my inner thigh as I stared into him. "You're afraid of The Mother." He stated. "Look, um, The Mother isn't going to hurt you, you know? I don't know why she got involved with your life, but there's nothing that she can do to hurt you. The Mother is just an orientation of energy, she's my mom... she made me. If she made herself known to you, then there's a good reason for it, and uh, I think that we should try to keep our minds open and try to figure out what those reasons might be. It might bring you some closure. Even if you meet her again, she isn't gunna do something bad to you. You don't need to be afraid of her. And you don't need to be afraid of me." "Okay... maybe you're right." "I know I'm right." Matt took his hand off my thigh and slid it over my underwear, gently rubbing before lifting the fabric and sliding a finger into me. We hadn't done anything for a few days and he was feeling hungry. He dipped another finger in, quickly flitting them in and out, before pulling them both out and rubbing them over the little bead, distributing moisture onto it. A human woman was a novelty to him. He had a few encounters with demon women and they weren't soft, warm and wet like a human female. He continued gently rubbing for a few minutes before dipping his fingers back in, and repeated this a few times until I came. I mewled. "You like that..." Matt stared at me with a mischievous look on his face. He removed his hand and held his fingers in front of me and snipped them both together a few times like a pair of scissors, the slick wetness separating in thin, clear strings, before sliding them into his mouth. "Do you want to try again?" He asked, pulling himself on top of me, while nibbling on my neck. "Please say yes." "Yeah, let's do it." I had wanted to sleep with him again after our first night together, but I was afraid and had been holding myself back. Matt's reassurance brought me some much needed courage. He lifted my dress off of my body and then moved his mouth down to one of my breasts, gently teasing the nipple in between his sharp little teeth before running his tongue along it in circles until it was taught, and then he gave the other one the same treatment. He did this for a few rotations before moving down to my legs. He opened them and glazed a finger across the bead before darting his tongue inside of me, just to get a taste. Warm. Mild. He could smell my pheromones... Matt then decided that he didn't want to spend too much time on foreplay. He was too horny. He ran his tongue across me one more time before getting up. He had fallen asleep in his clothes, and so he had to undo his button-up shirt and remove his jeans. I hadn't actually seen Matt erect before - as we had slept with one another in total darkness, or he was flaccid when we bathed together - and I was very curious to know what it looked like. When he took off his pants I made sure to get a good look. It was a handsome size, not too big, not too small, not too thin, and not too thick. He was uncut. Demons don't circumcise their young, that's a human tradition. He pulled the skin back and I saw the head peek out. A blushing reddish purple. He climbed back onto the bed, placed one hand on my waist and used the other hand to guide it in. I watched with excitement and fascination as it slid deep into my eager body. The great disappearing act. He leaned on top of me, and I wrapped my arms and legs up high around him. "Let's see what happens..." He said, starting a slow and steady pace, hitting my cervix with force when he got to the end of his thrusts. I held his gaze while I felt all of him and allowed my soul to mix into his. Again, the cord thickened during our intercourse and I could feel it being pulled into him. This created a nice rotation, where I was pulled into him as he was into me. Staring deeply into his eye, it began to move forward just like it had done a few nights ago and I found myself gliding forward into a realm of pure infinity. The lines of the walls were made of his blue iris and they raced past me, while the pupil at the center began to inch closer. He continued to slam into my cervix and I felt the familiar well of energy in the center of my body start to collect. "Let me know if you see her..." The black hole in his eye grew larger, and then The Mother appeared, but she didn't say anything, she just continued to draw closer and closer until she almost filled his entire eye. "I see her, Matt." I informed him. "What does she want?" He asked. "I don't know." I replied. "Don't blink. Just keep going..." I kept my gaze steady as his pupil gradually covered his entire eye, and as soon as this happened the well of energy in my body broke open and flooded me with wave after wave of intense, pleasurable sensations that started in my center and gravitated outwards to the very tips of my fingers and toes. My walls began to pulsate in reaction to the orgasm, milking him as he kept his steady pace, hitting that spot over and over again, drawing it out as the waves continued to crash around me. I cried out. Generally I was very quiet, but I couldn't keep it in. It was just too good. I continued to look into his eye. The Mother's presence, ever watchful, gifted me back all of my memories. As the waves subsided, in an instant, everything that was lost was retained. Soon after I came he sat up and grabbed my waist with both hands, then pulled my lower body up into his and sped up, pacing like a jackrabbit. Hard and fast. I could hear him moving in and out of my slick entrance as my body bobbed up and down on his hunger. He gave a few sharp thrusts, fiercely slamming me down onto to it, arched forward in pleasure, gasped, and then I felt the familiar splash of delicious warm liquid as it coated my innermost recesses. We sat there for a few seconds before I came to my senses. "Matt!" I exclaimed. "I remember who I am!" I tried to catch my breath as I crawled out from under him, spilling his liquid out onto the bedsheets as I sat up. "I remember everything. My entire life." "What... do you mean?" He looked over at me, panting. His eye was back to normal. "I saw her! She filled up your entire eye and then I came and then... I remembered everything. All of it. She gave me back my memories." I got up and ran to the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. I didn't look anything like the person that I was on Earth. I was young again. I looked to be about nineteen, with big blue eyes, no glasses and long blonde hair that separated into perfect ringlets with bangs. I was thin, with an elegant feminine body, small perky breasts with pink little nipples and pale white skin that was almost perfectly porcelain. "I'm not the same person!" I cried. "Yes, you are." Matt reassured, walking over to the mirror to look into it with me. He came up behind me and draped his arms around my frame, and rested his chin on the top of my head. "The dimension on Earth gives your soul a shell to live through - so you can maneuver in that density from start to finish. It's a cover of the book that is You, but it isn't indicative of what you genuinely look like, you know? Each new Earthly body looks different, but your soul, uh, it retains the same shape. You've always looked like this each time you died, with your human body being like a suit to cover it. You just don't remember all of the times you have died. And human souls always look young. You're probably not, though, you know, you guys end up living through hundreds of thousands of different lives. The less dense of a reality you are on, the closer you get to how you really look, which is in, uh, it's in actuality just an orb of pure light energy. And for me, it would be an orb of pure dark energy. But due to being more dense, we take up a physical form. Do you understand?" "Kind of?" I was in shock. "Matt, I fucking died! I'm dead!" "I know." "I can't believe this happened. I mean, I wanted to die. But I didn't think that this is what happens after you do. What the fuck?" "I uh, I don't know what to tell you. Are you okay with this? With me? Is there anything I can do?" "So, you have my memories, and I have my memories?" "I-I guess so, yeah..." "Holy shit." I walked out of the bathroom and sat back down on the bed to process everything. Matt took note that it was as if a light switch had instantaneously gone on in my eyes and in my mind. Like there was an actual person there instead of a confused shell. He sat down next to me and looked at me expectantly. "Matt. I need to tell you something about The Mother. When she gave me back my memories, I knew exactly who she was. We worship a form of her energy on Earth. They call her Goddess Kali. There might be a few different names for her, but this is the only one that comes to mind. She's a powerful primordial feminine energy that encompasses death and time itself. I used to pray to this goddess, and when I got sick she showed herself to me during a spiritual awakening. Matt, I would know that energy anywhere. It's like she had been following me my entire life and it felt like she dictated my life up until the point where I died. I could feel her pull me out of my body, like a warm, dark hug and then carry me to your world. It felt like, like I don't just have my memories back but that I understand what her presence in my life meant. I think she picked me out and brought me here for you." "Humans know of The Mother?" He asked. "Yeah, I mean kind of. I don't think that they know that in different dimensional layers that there are other species of sentient people. But the energy influences our world, too. She probably has more connections to different worlds than you're even aware of." "We wouldn't know, you know?" Matt explained. "We know of other souls, but our species is neutral. We don't get involved in the affairs of other beings. I had no idea that The Mother was that widespread. So you think she, uh, she brought you here... for me?" "I think so." "So what do you wanna do?" "I want... to... stay here... with you. But... I need some time to process this, and so I might seem kind of distant for a few days." I scooched over until I was resting next to him and placed my head on his shoulder. "Is that okay?" "Absolutely." He leaned his head on mine. "You know, since we're on about all of this, I uh, I wanted to let you know, I think I'm going to go back to working the kitchens. Wyatt offered me a job at the main location to start with and if, it uh, if it works out you know, then I can take over. But I need to figure out what I'm gunna do with you. I can't just leave you in this room all day and you don't know how to work the rest of the house." I smiled and nodded. I was thrilled that he decided to make this choice for himself. "If you need some space to uh, to think about your life I can give that to you. This will give me a chance to figure some of my own shit out. This is a lot to take in, you know?" "I know... thank you, Matt." "Anytime." He leaned in to kiss me on the nose. "I'm gunna make us some breakfast and then maybe we can spend the day in the library or something, ok? I have some stuff I wanna research, you know, in light of what you've told me and maybe you can take that time to think about what's going on with you - what is going on with you, by the way? Are you okay knowing all of this?" I looked him square in the eyes. "Honestly. Yes. It's better than trying to live here without any memories at all. I could feel everything leftover from what happened on Earth, but I had nowhere to place my emotions. And even though this is kind of traumatic it's still a better place to be then having absolutely nothing to go off of." "I'm glad." He looked away. "Matt?" "Yeah?" He looked back at me again. "I love you." "Yeah." He was smiling with his eyes. "Me too." We put our clothes back on, left the room and he made me one of the most amazing breakfasts I've ever tasted. Been counting all your aces you ain't winning Your phonebook full of numbers 'stead of names All them vain decisions keep you jaded You could have found the one but you won't change So aren't you glad to meet me I think you should I'd be glad to meet me If I were you Aren't you glad to meet me I think you should I'll make a real good soul out of you Time ain't ticking slow Yes you're overdue Aren't you glad to meet me I think you should I mean i really think you should yeah You keep on playing saying it's in your nature Then you go on sulking blaming all but you Won't admit you set your heart for failure Should be glad I'm here awaking you

We kind of need to understand how psychos like this work, what their motivations are, the genetic differences, so that we can spot it better when they're young and try to help prevent them from becoming evil. If we kill them off as retribution for the acts that they have committed, then we're killing off our chance at understanding why these people are the way they are. Plus, on the rare occasion that a person might be innocent, then you don't wanna be doing that, anyways.

After the dinner, Matt and I had a few days alone without company to spend time getting to know one another. He made for me three meals a day, a new dish each time, and showed me two new rooms in his home. One of which was his massive two-story library that the wire room overlooked, and the other was the guest room that he allowed humans to stay in. His library was painted a light green and had two large plush chairs to sit on in one corner with a little table between them, and a wooden staircase that went up to the second floor. All of his books looked very old, and were leatherbound. They didn't have covers on them, and most were inscribed with the golden lettering that his people used. I asked him what they were for, and he told me that he collected cooking books and history books as well as various alchemical and manifestation secrets. The guest room was a small light yellow room that had a very comfortable looking full sized bed in it, and wooden floors with a dark yellow circular woven rug in the center, a dresser, a closet and a brick fireplace at the end of the bed. All of the clothes that he lent to human women were kept in here and he took them out of the dresser and put them in his own room to give to me to wear. Most of them were plain, lace white dresses and underwear and a pair of white buckle sandals. After meeting The Mother the first time we had sex, I was afraid to initiate another encounter with him, and he never tried to push himself off on me, instead deciding to allow me to come to him when I felt ready. Sometimes I would crave getting close to him, especially at night, but I was nervous that his pupils would dilate and that The Mother would come and pull me into her gravity during intercourse. I was afraid that if she did this that I would be lost and would not escape. So I held onto my desire for him and kept my body at a distance, although our minds and hearts were on the same page. I could sense something was off, still having an emotional imprint of my previous life and I felt depressed and lost. One day, Maya came to visit us in the early afternoon and she brought with her one of her black jackets and told me to try it on. The sleeves were too long and it was quite baggy on my smaller frame. She suggested to Matt that the four of us take one of the food trains that ran through the city during the evening so that I could see what the city looked like, and so that the both of us could get out of the house. She told Matt that the train went right through his restaurant on Broadview and that he could show me what it looked like on the inside through the window, and that the food trains had little rooms in them where the guests would sit, so there wouldn't be too many strangers looking at us. Maya made a point that it would be a good opportunity to test the waters and see how a small portion of society would react to us. She mentioned to Matt that this is why she brought the jacket. It had a hood and it would cover my much lighter hair and obscure some of my features until we were seated at our table. He agreed to her proposition and she told him that she would return with Wyatt later that evening. We took a bath together so that when we went out the other demons would have a harder time smelling my human-ness. I noticed that Matt never combed his black hair, he just ran his hands through it and so he always had a kind of disheveled look to him. The two of us got dressed and spent the rest of the day in his dining space and kitchen. I looked out of the window, excited to get an in person tour of the city while Matt made us a small lunch and organized his kitchen space. When evening struck, Maya and Wyatt both came to the door and Matt let them into the hallway to wait while he went back to get me. "They're here." He said. "Are you ready to go?" "Yes, I am." I replied, hopping off of the couch and following him to the interim room, where we met up with the other two. Wyatt still wasn't looking at me. He looked over to his friend and mentioned that he was glad he took a bath this time, so that we wouldn't smell. I buttoned up Maya's jacket that she lent me and pulled the hood over my head and we all walked outside. When we got outside the three of them turned into large black wolves. Matt's fur looked as disheveled as his hair did when he was a man, while Wyatt was elegant, long and sleek and Maya's fur was feathered and so shiny that every bit of light that was outside reflected off of her. "We don't have transportation in the same way that humans do, you know." Matt told me. "We , uh, we have trains that go throughout the city, but if you're in a residential area, you gotta run to get there. But we go fast. I want you to climb onto my back and hold tightly onto my neck. If you need to dig in with your feet, that's fine, I can take it, ok?" I nodded and climbed onto his back and wrapped my arms around his neck and dug both of my feet into his sides. "Okay, let's roll." And off we went. As we ran through the neighborhood, I noticed that the streets were set up in a very orderly fashion, all of them in neat numbered rows. There were no lawns, no front or backyards, just houses with stoops and a very wide sidewalk in the middle that was split in two, one for demons walking around in their man-form and another for demons running into the city in wolf-form. There were light posts after each house that allowed the demons to see in the darkness and I thought they looked beautiful as we zipped by them. Matt, Wyatt and Maya were able to run at about 45 miles per hour and I had a hard time holding onto him, especially when he would make a sharp turn. We made our way into the outskirts of the city, where the train station was located and the three demons turned back into men. There were rows of about ten different tracks and a series of well-lit bridges that went over the tracks, with stairways down to each station. Each station had a ticket booth, a vending machine with food in it, and a few covered benches to sit on while you waited for your train. There was a scrolling sign above the booth that gave the expected arrival time. Matt took my hand as we made our way across the bridge. We walked past four stairways before arriving on the fifth and made our way down to the station. Matt sat with me on one of the benches at the very end, out of the way of other people, while Maya and Wyatt went to buy four tickets. We waited around for about ten minutes before a red train adorned in fancy golden letters all across its side stopped for us and a few other guests. We waited until they got on the train before Matt stood up, took two tickets from Wyatt and entered the train first with me behind him, and then Wyatt, followed by Maya. He looked down at the number on the ticket and matched it to a number written across one of the stalls and opened the door and ushered me in. "You sit by the window." He said. The interior of the train was a brighter red, bordered in gold with golden letters written in their language and intricate designs showing wolf packs in the middle of a hunt. It reminded me of the colour theme of his room, which was a deep red and mustard colour and I wondered if they used this colour scheme a lot in their culture. The booths had comfortable, well stuffed seats and a wooden table to place food on and had just enough space for a party of four. No one had noticed us when we took our seats, thanks to Maya's hooded jacket. Maya sat across from me, and Wyatt from Matt. "We'll be in the city at the next stop and once we're on Locust they should start taking food orders. This should give you about twenty minutes to decide on what you want to order." Maya told me, smiling at me with her eyes. "There's a menu in a pocket placed just below the window." I took a look and spotted two folded menus and handed one to Matt, while Maya took out hers and handed one to Wyatt. "What's the name of your city?" I asked Maya. "Van Bien." "Van Bien?" I repeated. "Mmhmm." She replied. "It's the largest city we have here. We don't have an overpopulation problem like humans do. There's only about five million demons altogether." She informed me. "We have three cities on our planet, no towns, just some farmland located right outside of these cities and we leave the rest of the planet alone. We're smaller than Earth, only about a fifth it's size." I nodded and felt Matt's hand on my leg and looked at him. "I'm gunna order for you, okay?" He said. "I think I know what you might like." I nodded again and took a look at the menu. It was written in their unusual lettering. There's no way I would even know what to order even if I could read the menu, so I set it down and looked out of the window. The train started moving and I saw a whirlwind of lights and buildings flash by me. "So, Matt..." Wyatt spoke up, speaking in their language so that I couldn't understand him. "Have you been thinking about what I told you, pertaining to coming back to the Broadview location?" "I don't know man." He admitted. "I'm still thinking about it. Give it some time, you know? I still don't know what I'm gunna do about this human, ok?" Wyatt let it go and glanced through his menu. It didn't take long before we were traveling through the city of Van Bien. The skyscrapers were two times as large as the ones on Earth and were covered in multi-colored lights and moving advertisement billboards and signs. It looked a lot like downtown Tokyo. There were trains that went along the streets, and also ones that spiraled through the buildings above us. We got to Locust and a waitress knocked on the door to our stall before entering to take down our orders. I made sure to face the window when she came in so that she couldn't see me, while Matt ordered for the both of us. She left and Matt leaned in to me and whispered, "The next stop is my place. Keep your eyes peeled, ok?" "Okay!" I looked out of the window in excitement. We got to his place on Broadview and the first thing I noticed was a fancy white building with an ivy like plant growing all along its exterior, and then on the inside it had an aquarium in the front display windows that were connected from the ceiling to the train tunnel. There were various schools of different species of light fish swimming all around, in between glowing rocks and flowing aquatic plants. I could see just beyond the water, at the booths in the restaurant where people were seated. In the aquarium display there were painted mermaid statues perched on the rocks that had light hair like mine and human-shaped eyes. The train stopped here for a few minutes before continuing on it's path. "Matt, this is amazing!" He smiled and leaned forward to look me in the eyes. One thing I noticed about demons is that eye contact is very important to them. The train continued on its way for another twenty minutes before the waitress came back with our food. This time she noticed that something was off about me. I had accidently looked in her direction and she saw my strange eyes, my small frame and light coloured hair peaking out of the hooded jacket. "What is that?" She asked, eyes darting back and forth between everyone there, before resting on the cord that Matt and I shared. "What is that? What's going on?" The woman seemed confused and somewhat alarmed. Matt snarled defensively. Maya kicked him under the table and spoke up for the both of us. "That's a human being. Please just let it go. They have The Mother's blessing." She insisted. "I know this looks unusual to you, but trust me, there is nothing wrong. Everything is okay. I promise you." "The Mother?" The waitress exclaimed. "What is a human being?" Matt and Wyatt were both looking at Maya, fully attuned to this new tidbit of information. "A human being comes from the band of souls in sky. The Mother brought her here. We don't know why." The waitress nodded, not understanding what was going on, and set our food down on the able with wide eyes that remained fixated on me. She was speechless and left the stall without saying a single word. When she left, Matt looked over at me. "How did you meet our mother?" "She... was in your eye... the night we had... sex..." I looked down at my food. It was a soup of some sort that had a large glowing egg in a bowl next to it. "I would like to discuss this with you when we get home, would that be okay?" "Yes." Matt told me about the soup I was about to eat. It was a light brown colour, and had various mild coloured straw-like vegetables in it. He showed me how to crack the egg over the soup. The yolk was a rich golden colour and the egg white was a glowing cream. He stirred it up for me, and the mixed egg gave the whole soup a metallic bronze colour. I took a sip. It was very light, but creamy and the vegetables that were in it didn't have much flavour. They absorbed most of the flavours of the soup, but offered an interesting texture. They were hollow on the inside and easy to chew. "You like it?" He asked. "I love it. Thank you." Matt decided that he would tell me about my previous life when we got home. That we needed to combine stories to figure out what was going on. He had been questioning if leaving me out in the dark when it came to what he knew, if this was an ethical thing to do and began to lean towards finding some sort of explanation for me, especially after seeing that the emotional residue of what had happened had not washed away. Demons were an honest species and he didn't like the idea of keeping things a secret. We rode the train all the way around Broadview while Matt and Maya showed me various features of the city. Wyatt spent the whole time with his nose in a book. The ride lasted altogether about two hours before it circled back around to the train station that we started at. Matt reached over to press a button that indicated to the driver that guests wanted to stop and we all got off. I took Matts hand and kept my face to the ground, just in case the waitress happened to be walking down the isle. Luckily she never showed up again. We walked down the steps of the train to the ground and back over the bridge before the three demons turned into wolves, ready to run back into the neighborhood. Matt bent down enough so I could climb on his back and we were off again in a flash, running in the direction of Matt's home. Somewhere along the way there Maya and Wyatt separated from us to go their own way. Both of them called out, "Later Matt!" Before turning down a different street. We finally got home and he opened the door and brought me to his room to discuss some things. I removed Maya's coat and sat next to him on his bed. "What did you want to talk about?" I asked him. "It's about The Mother, you know... how exactly did you meet her?" "Well, she appeared in your eye when we were having sex. It was like your eye turned into a room that kept going on forever and she was at the end of it, and then your pupil started to grow and it nearly filled up your whole eye." I explained to him. "And she told me to take care of you, that you were her baby." Matt took my hand while we both sat at the edge of the bed and spent a few minutes processing what I had said. The Mother rarely made herself known to demons once they were born, but her presence was always there, helping to guide her people. Despite never meeting her, Matt always felt connected to her energy. His people were unified under this connected energy. It was unusual for The Mother to interfere in the lives of her people, and it had never once been known for her to interfere in the life and death cycle of a human being. He thought about what he had witnessed when I passed away, how I was completely removed from the trajectory of the soul tunnel altogether, how it felt that a gravitational pull had forced my soul to move in a new direction and he equated this to The Mother's interference. But he didn't know why. He decided it was time to tell me about my history. "I, I need to speak with you about something, ok? And I don't know how you're gunna take it." He sounded anxious. I looked at him with a serious expression. "Okay... tell me, what is it?" "It's about your previous life... I know all about it. The whole story. That night when I found you, I was given access to your records and I got to live out your life with you from start to finish and I, uh, it was, it wasn't an easy life. And I feel that maybe, that maybe, that's why you're having such a hard time adjusting here is because you're still connected to it in some way, you know?" I looked down at the floor, taking in everything that he was telling me. "I watched you grow up, from a little girl into a woman. And you, you didn't fit in there. You loved nature and animals and drawing... and writing. You had a family. A mother, and a father and a brother. But you were sick, in the head, you know? For a long time. And in the body as well, you were absolutely fucked. And, well, your family died and they left you there all alone and you, uh, you took some pills and you died, too. It was in the middle of your life. You were lonely. You were sick. You were scared... You thought it would be an easy death, you know? But it wasn't. You vomited everything up, but it was too late. When you died, you left your body and I think that The Mother sent you here. It was like you were pushed off course right into my world, you know?" I started to cry with big, thick tears trickling down my face. "I'm so sorry, Annie. I uh, I wanted to tell you, but I thought you deserved a fresh start. I thought, you know, this world is so orderly and I know how to fucking live, and I'm exact and precise and I thought that if you stayed here with me that I could fix everything for you, and that you wouldn't need to struggle ever again. I want to take care of you... can you let me do that? What I'm trying to say is that I know how." Matt looked into my face, but I couldn't look at him. I was afraid that The Mother would appear in his eyes, so I kept staring downwards. He reached over to grab my face and moved it so he could look at me. I shut my eyes. "Oh, fuck. You can't even look at me, can you?" I shook my head. "I'm sorry... I can't..." I continued to cry. Everything that he told me fit in so perfectly with how I was feeling about myself. I couldn't remember anything, but I could place what he was saying with how I felt and knew that it was true. "Look, why don't you lay down on the bed, ok?" He suggested. "You don't have to open your eyes, I'll be here with you. It's going to be alright, you know?" I laid down and curled up while he grabbed a blanket and put it around us both before spooning me. I cried for a long time. He would occasionally reach over and take the tip of his nose, press it against my cheek and run it along my tearstains, but for the most part he just lay there and let me mourn my previous life. I finally fell asleep and when I did my cord moved closer into his. This gave him a sense of relief as he wasn't sure where he stood. I was afraid of The Mother's presence, but I trusted him completely and knew that he was a good man and despite being frightened, my soul still wanted to reach into him in some way. He stayed awake and contemplated on what his next steps would be - if he would go back to the kitchen to work with Wyatt, and how he would manage keeping me here at the same time. He thought about The Mother's actions and wondered what her plans were for us, if there were even any at all. He listened to the slow breathing accompanying my sleeping and wished that he could have done something, anything, to ease the blow. "Fuck..." I didn't want to know I just didn't want to know Best to keep things in the shallow end 'Cause I never quite learned how to swim Call an optimist, she's turning blue Such a lovely color for you Call an optimist, she's turning blue Such a perfect color for your eyes Call an optimist, she's turning blue Such a lovely color for you Call an optimist, she's turning blue While I just sit and stare at you

I like making friends with demons You need special eyes to see 'em Have you got your Shinigami eyes on? Are you ready to die? Got my Shinigami eyes on Everything is fine Got my Shinigami eyes on you When we got to his room, he put our plates on the nightstand and I set the blanket at the end of the bed before sitting back down to straddle his lap. I kissed him and ran my tongue across his tiny little demon fangs. We were finally on the same page. He wasn't overbearing and crazed and I wasn't too forthcoming and awkward in the wrong moment. He slid a hand under my white dress and nicked my underwear with a claw on both sides and tore them off of me. "I don't have too many pairs of these for you to wear. Best not do that too often..." He mused. "Lift your arms, please." I did, and he removed my dress for me. We kissed for a while longer and I let him run his hands down my back and across my legs before I started to unbutton his black shirt. I removed it for him and leaned him down into me on the bed and we stayed like this for a while, kissing and staring into one another's eyes. I couldn't get over how beautiful a demon's eyes were. I wrapped my legs around him and hooked my big toes into his jeans and tugged on them a bit to passively indicate that I wanted them off. He stood up, got out of bed and removed them for me before walking over to the nightstand to turn off the light. I followed his glowing eyes as he made his way back to me, before coming over to rest on top of me ever so slightly. "Are you ready?" He asked. "Yeah." I said, wrapping my arms around him. He slid it into me. It wasn't painful, but there was some healthy friction there. Once in, I lifted my legs up around his back as high as I could get them and pressed my forehead into his. The cord between us that my soul that was continuously sifting into his heart was generally as thin as a thread, but in this moment it became as thick as a shoe string and the vortex in his chest was spinning in a circular motion a lot quicker than it normally did. This night meant a lot to him, but, but not knowing about his struggles, I was unaware of the level of emotion he was feeling about the events taking place. All I knew is that I could feel my cord being siphoned off and I surrendered into it. I looked deeply into his glowing blue eyes as he moved inside of me. We were both very quiet. I could feel him trying to regulate his breathing. His eyes were magnetic. I began to focus on just one eye. The lines connecting the pupil with the iris began to move forward, like being in an infinity mirror and I was entranced. It felt as though I was being pulled into a different reality, one where everything was eternal. I was drawn forward. Just beyond me, it seemed like they contained the secrets of the universe, of time and space itself, and the walls of consensus reality collapsed around me. There was nothing but me and the walls of his pupil, with the black hole that retained his stony stare looking right into me. They seemed to be getting more dilated the longer I looked into them. They held a genuine magnetism that pinned me there. His eyes, along with the moving cord, and the feeling of him inside of me combined - there was something extremely pleasant about all of this. Suddenly, it felt like there was another presence inside of his pupil. And then, almost immediately, there was! It was The Mother, reflected in his eye, a great, round, primordial black hole of infinite chaotic feminine energy. The womb that birthed all of demon-kind. This particular species was the closest she had created that moved in the direction of the creator's Love. All of her previous creations had gotten lost in the chaos of her true nature and became evil or devoured themselves alive, and so she took special liberties to make sure that her favourite people were happy and well cared for, but she also tended not to get too involved in their affairs. This was a rare circumstance. She was heavy and thick and almost overbearing to look at, but I couldn't look away, I was transfixed. The Mother loved all of her creations very deeply and had noticed that one of her sons was extremely lonely. She happened to be the gravitational force that pulled my soul away from the tunnel at the time of death and put me here in this world to make her unusual little child happy. She picked me out, from the time of my birth until my untimely death as a gift for her baby and had made her presence known to be a witness to her child's divine consummation and to offer her blessing to the both of us. "Oh little human-human-human..." Her voice sung. It rang like an echo and was as sweet as honey. "Do you love one of my babies-babies-babies?" "Yes..." I whispered, staring deeply into Matt. He didn't know there was a presence in his eye and thought I was speaking to him. "Can you care for my baby-baby-baby?" "Yes..." "Will you care for my baby-baby-baby?" "Yes..." "Good girl-girl-girl..." The Mother crooned. "Good girl-girl-girl..." "Good girl." I could hear Matt's voice crescendo behind hers. "Good girl-girl-girl..." "Good girl." "Good girl-girl-girl..." Matt's pupil continued to grow as the presence became stronger and stronger. It looked like it would fill up his entire eye, there was just a thin line of glowing blue remaining. I didn't know what would happen if the black hole took over his entire eye. My cord was being sucked out of me at a great speed, and the sensation of him inside of me was beginning to give way to an energy in the center of my body that if he continued like this, would spread from the center all the way to my hands and toes in great pleasurable waves. But this didn't happen. He abruptly looked away before The Mother completely overtook his eye, and he buried his head in the crook of my neck, speeding up his pace for a few moments before shuddering. I felt a sense of liquid warmth buried deep within me, and he was done. He stayed there for a few minutes, the both of us tangled up, before turning to look back into my face. I noticed that the pupils in both of his eyes were back to a normal size and the divine presence was gone. His eyes looked soft, and underneath that, relieved. He had never, in his entire life, had a satisfying, mutually connected sexual experience. This was the first time. He kissed me on the forehead, pulled out and rolled over onto his back. "Come here. Cuddle up." He said. I reached down, grabbed the blanket from the foot of the bed and wrapped it over the both of us before curling up into his arms. I rested my head on his chest and closed my eyes. Matt quickly fell asleep and had his first decent night's rest in a long while. I stayed awake for another hour, listening to the sound of his breathing and feeling my head move as his chest rose and fell and concentrated on the sense of warmth that he had put into me. I didn't quite know what to think of the events that transpired. Not having any previous memories to fall back on, I didn't know what could constitute a strange event from a normal one. Matt knew everything about me, and loved me very deeply and I was beginning to see his appeal and to feel the same way. I finally fell asleep, while the two of us were unaware of the divinity that had befallen on us both. I woke up the next morning to find that Matt was already awake. He had put his old jeans back on and was buttoning up his black shirt. He handed me my dress and told me he would fetch another pair of underwear. He left the room to retrieve one from the guest room where he allowed stray humans to stay. I stood up to put on my dress and immediately felt some of his liquid from last night run down my leg. "Oh, uh oh..." I thought, blushed and wiped it off on the sheet before putting my dress back on. He walked into the room and handed me a fresh pair and I put them on. "It's already mid-day. We overslept." Matt said. "Wyatt and Maya should be here in a few hours, you know. Let's get busy, we'll, uh, we'll take a bath later this evening, alright?" I nodded. Generally demons take baths after intercourse because they have such a strong sense of smell, this is a social courtesy, but Matt wanted to passive-aggressively stick it to Wyatt for the previous night's comments and to let him know that he succeeded in what he wanted to do. "Let me show you my kitchen. I'm going to get everything set up and you can wait in the dining space, ok?" I nodded at looked at the ground. "What's the matter, are you nervous? Don't be nervous..." He bent down to look me in the face and then gently scratched the top of my head with his claws. "Come on." He opened his bedroom door, hit the button by the wire room and the metal panel moved across to cover everything. We walked across it and he put a hand on the interim door to manifest his kitchen and dining room. When the door was opened, I took note of the space. It was a large room with a wooden floor, a stone fireplace, two high-back chairs with a table in between them, and across from this was a long couch with another table in front of it. Behind the couch was a large window that looked over the entire hill and beautiful red curtains. The room was connected to his kitchen. In his kitchen, he had a rack to hold all of his pans, a stove, an oven, a bunch of cabinets that held various spices and cooking tools in it, and at the end of his kitchen was the door to his small cooling cellar, which he kept all of his meat and produce in. The floor was made of uniquely shaped grey stone slabs that were fit into all kinds of interesting designs. Matt showed me what was in his cabinets, all of the types of food that he had in the cellar and what their names were and told me how they tasted. He showed me how demons manifested fire and how the clay pans levitated inside of the stove pits. Once he had shown me everything, he gave me permission to either stay with him or to go into the dining space. I opted to sit down on the couch and look outside of the window while he collected his pans, knives, silverware, plates, bowls, trays, and thought about what he wanted to make. He knew Wyatt would probably bring something with him to cook. I looked out of the window. It was midday, but their planet stayed in perpetual near-darkness, as the light from the energy source was not enough to offer full visibility. This is why their eyes operated like a cat's. The plants that grew were also very light in colour, as they didn't need enough sunlight. They didn't come in a variety of many different colours. Mostly different shades of white and light brown to grey. The cities were very bright, enough to offer plenty of visibility. I stared out at the tall skyscrapers off in the distance. It almost looked like a carnival waiting for me, sitting just past the residential area. The residential areas had a lot of posts that contained balls of warm, soft yellow light to guide people along the sidewalks. I rested there, transfixed for some time until Matt came out of the kitchen and told me that Wyatt and Maya had arrived. He asked me to wait there and went into the interim room where he manifested the entryway hall. He opened the door and greeted his friends. Wyatt had some meat wrapped in a paper, tucked in a bag, and Maya was over dressed for the occasion. She was smaller than both of them, standing at about 6.5 feet, with long black hair that went down to her ankles and bangs that almost covered her hooded eyes. She often wore red lipstick and painted her long, sharp nails with the same colour. She had on a long red dress and wore a fur jacket from a light animal that glowed in the limited visibility. "Hello Matt!" She beamed. "We're here!" Wyatt and Matt nodded at one another. He let them both in and as they walked down the hallway, Wyatt noticed a strong smell on him and he squinted his eyes in disapproval. He had never smelled a human, didn't know what they were like, but he knew that was not the scent of another demon on his friend. "Matt..." Maya inquired. "I noticed your lock was open. Wyatt told me that it was a human who did this, is that true?" "Uh, yeah..." Matt placed a hand on the interim room and manifested the door to the dining space and kitchen. "She's in here. Please try to be pleasant with her." "But of course." Maya said. "I've never seen a human before. How fascinating." Matt opened the door and they all walked in. I looked over from the window to see three demons enter the room. Wyatt took a quick look at me, sniffed the air, and walked into the kitchen without saying a single word, while Maya came over to me, grabbed my face in her hand, bent down and smelled one side of my neck, and then the other. She noticed the cord coming from my chest and could see that it matched Matt's lock. "I can't believe it. You really did it, Matt... are they all this little?" She continued to hold my face in her hands and studied my features. I looked into her eyes. They held the same energy that Matt's had. I could see the demon mother's essence running through them both. "Yeah. They are." He responded. "Um, I'm gunna go help Wyatt in the kitchen, get this shit started." When they spoke about me, they spoke in a language that I didn't understand. It sounded rough and Germanic. Usually Matt would speak to me telepathically, but when around one another, they used their native tongue. Matt walked into the kitchen. I could still see him, and watched as Wyatt took some meat out of a bag and placed it on the counter. Maya sat next to me on the couch and smiled. I couldn't read her very well and didn't know what she thought of me. "What's it like for you... a little creature like you to have all that running out of your chest?" She looked down at the cord. I couldn't look at her face any longer. There was something about the eyes of these other demons that weren't like Matt's. They all held the same structure, but they felt distant and unloving to me, and yet wise, with a level of previous experience that I didn't have. I couldn't hold a candle next to one of these beings. I felt as small as a pet dog in their presence. "It feels..." I said slowly, thinking on my words. "It feels... good. Warm. Connected. Like I'll keep moving forward forever and it feels... final." I looked Maya in the eyes on my last statement to emphasize on its permanence. In the kitchen, Wyatt and Matt had set everything up and were cooking and preparing the meal that we would all eat together. I looked over at them. They worked so efficiently together, and each demon knew what the other would do and how they would move, that their cooking looked more like a dance. "I want you to come back to the kitchen." Wyatt said in their native tongue, placing a slab of meat on a rotating clay pan. Matt was silent. He chopped some vegetables and placed them into another pan before placing it on the stove. "But you can't come back smelling like that. We could have you work in the back, on the roasts. No one would see you. No one would know. You could have a fresh start man." Matt stayed silent, stirring the vegetables with a glowing sauce made from the thickened blood of a light deer. He swallowed. He wasn't sure of what he wanted to do. "If it works out, I'll give you back the main one." Broadview. The Broadview location was on a hill in the city on the main street of Locust and it overlooked the water. It had a train that ran through it and an aquarium that spanned all along the front of the building, atop the ceiling and through the train's tunnel. Matt used to breed light fish in his waterfall for this feature of the restaurant. He continued to stir the sauce into the vegetables, looking intently straight ahead at the pan, without saying a single word. "So what was it like for you, being with one of us?" Maya asked me. I turned back around to look at her. "I don't know what you mean..." I admitted. "Sex." She stated plainly. "Did you enjoy yourself? I can smell him on you." I bit my lip and thought about the presence of The Mother in Matt's eye. I drew in a slow breath. "It was...sweet. I am... happy. And I think he is, too. But... there was someone in his eye... I don't know who. She told me he was her baby and to take good care of him." The playful, teasing tone and mood that Maya had displayed changed on a dime. "You met our mother? How did-" "The food's ready." Before Maya could finish her sentence, Matt and Wyatt came in with two trays of food, each containing a plated meal and a glass with a drink on it. "Can I sit here, Maya?" Matt asked. "Of course!" She exclaimed, quickly getting up to sit at one of the high backed chairs across the room, next to Wyatt. Matt set the tray down on the table and took one and handed it to me. He showed me what the food was. The dinner contained a large semi-rare slab of light pig roast that was marinated in it's own juices, and a starchy type of vegetable that was cooked in the sauce of a light deer, everything was seasoned perfectly. The drink was from the fruit of a small tree that demons farmed, and tasted a lot like pear juice and was a light brown colour. I noticed that for this meal, there were utensils. He took his own plate and dug in. I looked over at Maya for a moment, who had not looked away from me for a single second since I told her about The Mother, before darting away from her to stare nervously at my food. Wyatt on the other hand was actively avoiding looking at me at all, and quietly dug into his meal without saying a word. Maya took a petite little bite off of her plate and then looked over at Matt and asked in her language so that I couldn't understand them, "Matt, what is it about humans that you like so much?" Matt stopped to think on this for a few minutes before speaking out loud as well as telepathically communicating to me, so that I could understand his words, "I like that they're like books, you know? Um, they don't come with just one story. They contain thousands. They aren't, they aren't just oriented to the light or the dark, they have free will. The creator made them for a special purpose and if we spent more time studying the different souls that come our way, we would know what that reason was. And I wanna know, you know? They're fragile and fleeting and there's something genuine about that." He nodded thoughtfully to himself before taking another bite of food and then finishing off his statement. "And you know, Maya, they're soft. They don't feel like a demon. They're warm. And small..." Speaking of them, reminiscing of the night that he had with his own human, Matt seemed noticeably more open and warm than he usually was and Maya could see this being a window of relief into her long-suffering friend's sadness. Maya gave a small smile and then went back to her own meal. We sat around until we finished everything and then Wyatt stood up and told his partner that he was ready to go home. He thanked Matt for inviting them over, but didn't give me a single glance, and then walked over to the interim room and opened the door and then went through it. Maya followed him, but realized that she forgot her fur coat and came back to get it. When she returned she noticed Matt looking down at the floor, lost in his own thoughts, and I was staring out of the window at the cityscape below, reminiscing on the remaining emotions left over from my previous life and not knowing where to place them. She took note that although we were connected through love, we were still worlds apart in our own way. Maya genuinely wanted to see her friend succeed. "Matt..." She said. "Yes Maya..." Matt whispered, not looking up. "I forgot my coat... and, I just wanted to tell you that I think you should come back and work for Wyatt. He would be so happy to see you and I think that it would do you some good." "Thank you, Maya..." Still staring at the floor. "And Matt?" "Yes, Maya?" "I want you to know, if you explained things to people the way that you did to me, I don't think that any harm is going to come of this. I think you underestimate people and that they can be more open minded than you might realize..." She thought of The Mother, and that if The Mother had gotten involved that there must be some reason outside of what was readily apparent to any of them. "I hope that the rest of your evening is pleasant, Matt. I will speak to you again very soon." "Thank you, Maya..." He looked up at her and they locked eyes, both with small smiles on their faces. Maya gave a quick bow and then left the room. She was already devising mental plans to get the both of us out into society and Matt back into the kitchens where he belonged. We sat in silence for a long while until Matt stood up to gather the dishes. He looked over at me, staring into the city. I was clearly still quite lost and he wasn't sure if he should tell me about what had happened during my time on Earth, but something in him was questioning if keeping my past a secret was the right move to make. He brought the dishes into the kitchen, washed them, came back into the dining space and manifested a fire in the fireplace, then sat back down with me and we both looked out of the window together. Ever since I was a kid On the backs of my two eyelids I hid two Teleprompters there Transmitting words from who knows where Walkie-talkie on a mission Roger, roger will I listen Or will I just pass it along No form of a sing-a-long When muse annoys, devoid and null I feel a tingle in my skull Like ticker tape the words appear There's a parade between my ears I preach self-love I know it's true It's easier to say than do I send the messages to you But now I need to hear them too I am beautiful I am powerful I am strong and I am loveable I am beautiful I am powerful I am strong and I am loveable

Keep it short and sweet to start out with, and then as things progress you can add in more detail. For me, when guys start out with long blocks of text and I don't know them well, it kind of stresses me out and I'll ghost them. As it is, I'm a very shy person and so communicating with new people is already going way outside of my comfort zone. It also says to me that the person is more invested in me than I am in them, when I am just trying to get a feel for them to start out with. Things are actually much easier and more memorable when you keep it simple. K.I.S.S. - keep it simple stupid

I've been trying to think of some inspiration for Matt's look, and the general soul behind the personality, the energy and the essence that I want to convey with him. He kind of looks like the guy from Sandman, but with a much gentler, softer face, messier hair and dresses more casually. Usually just a black button-up shirt and some jeans with dress shoes. His eyes are also a tad bit larger and are shaped and coloured like a cats eye. He doesn't look like an Edward Cullen look-a-like, but the semblance and perfect facial symmetry is similar. The energy, however, is not. He isn't just a "pretty face", I want him to be a multi-layered character with struggles and faults, such as depression, some social anxiety/blindness and mild neurosis, as someone who struggles with women and with understanding their own sexuality - and to be relatable, especially for anyone who is dating someone that is different - be it race, sexual orientation or ability. Carmy from The Bear = Matt's soul - I love his energy, his voice and what he strives for. If I could put the troubles that my character goes through into a similarly well written narrative as Carmy's monologue here, then that would be my Matt in a nutshell. I've drawn from a few different sources of inspiration, but these two - looks and personality, make up the bulk of it all. The struggle that Carmy faces to fix his dead brother's restaurant is the same struggle that Matt faces when trying to come to understand himself in the heart of demon tradition and in trying to fix the humans around him. Sandman's face + Carmy's voice and personality = A good chunk of Matt's essence Matt is a badass, and is very capable of accomplishing all of the things that he sets his mind on. He's at the very top of his game with everything that he works towards - but he's also a very strange guy who doesn't always fit in with other demons socially. He's a good person who takes care of the innocent, strives to keep his compulsions in check and tries his best to be a good friend. He has become a social recluse due to his chronic depression, and Wyatt and Maya are the only ones who stand by him after he has pushed everyone else away and has given up on everything that he worked towards. But he finds some relief with a human partner, and everything in his life begins to change for the better. He begins to see himself not as just some weird outlier, but a demon man who is capable of great love and who deserves to be happy. -------- Matt sighed. He wasn't usually so emotional, but Wyatt had said some things he didn't want to hear. He walked around the kitchen and picked up his knives, then wiped them off and saved the ones that he would use for later, setting them back onto the counter according to size. He took out the pig's heart and put the rest of the meat in his cooling cellar, then unwrapped the heart from the paper it was in and began to slice it into small, fine pieces before putting them into a clay pan. His stove had four pits in it, where fire was started through manifestation. The clay pans would magically float above the fire pits and could be spun and rotated or moved higher and lower depending on the temperature needed to cook the food. Matt took a clove of what his people considered to be like a garlic and chopped it up into very thin slices and placed it into another pan to cook separately. He cooked the garlic at a higher temperature, and the meat at a lower temperature before adding them together. When this was done, he took it off the pan, put it onto a plate and then portioned the meat onto thin slices of dough before folding them into little triangles and adding them to another pan. When these were done, he sprinkled some various spices over the top. He took two plates, added a type of vegetable that had the texture of seaweed, but contained a rich, brothy flavour and put the triangle meat-pastries over the top of this. The heart of the light pig was still glowing white, and one could see the contents of the pastries shining from the inside, like little jewels. Matt put both plates onto a tray and carried them to his room. He sat the tray down on the nightstand next to the one he had placed for me earlier this morning and took note that I had finished all of my food and drink that day. Hands now free, he went to turn on the bedroom light and this woke me up. "Hey..." He said. "I'm home. I was, uh, wondering if you could come with me to the rooftop tonight and we could eat this food together. I thought maybe I could show you some things, you know?" I agreed to do this. I was happy to see him back. "Okay, cool, I'll take this." He grabbed the tray. "And you bring the blanket." I got out of bed and grabbed his blanket and wrapped it around myself before following him out the door. "Oh, I wanted to let you know. The wire room here, there's a metal panel that can cover it." He pressed a button on the side of the door and the room that contained all the wires that held the other rooms together was covered over with a single metal sheet. We walked to the end of this and he placed a hand over the interim room that allowed him to summon various spaces in his home and brought forth a winding staircase that went to the top of the house. At the end of it was a large window that could be pushed open that you could walk through to get onto the roof. We walked outside and sat on the roof. It was a completely flat surface. Some portions of the house slanted upwards, but the part that you could walk out onto was safe. We sat down next to one another and he handed me my plate of food, and then he took a portion of the blanket and wrapped it around himself. We both looked up at the nights sky. I noticed in the dark, that the food was slightly glowing from inside of the pastry and was curious to know what it tasted like. "Eat with your hands." Matt said. "That's how you build a connection to the food." I took a triangle and a bit of the vegetable that it was sitting on and ate them together. The flavours were rich, brothy and savoury. There was a sweetness to the meat that was hard to pinpoint. "So, you're a cook?" I asked. "I was. I uh, I ran three restaurants but that was a long time ago. I'm a simple man you know, I like to cook, I like to hunt and I'm a good businessman." Matt spoke in between his bites of food. "What were they called?" "Matt's Place. My friend runs them now. You'll meet him and his wife tomorrow." "Oh." I took a look around the neighborhood and the city lights off in the distance. The partition that Matt put up was no longer there and I could see the rest of the sprawling city. Their skyscrapers were especially lit up. He pointed out various areas in the city to me to show where they were located. "Broadview." He said, chewing on another bite, motioning towards a hill. "Heartford." He pointed in another direction. "Mington." "This is really good Matt. Thank you..." "Yeah!" He smiled. He had tiny little demon fangs. Cute. "So I uh, I wanted to show you some things while we're up here. I thought you should know about where you come from, you know?" I nodded and looked him in the eyes. Demons had cat-like eyes that glowed in the dark. There was no white in their eyes, just a solid cerulean blue with various little stripes that moved into the center of the black pupil. "So uhm, right behind you there, you see that band shooting across the sky? It has what look like little stars moving in it? That's what you are. Well, were. When humans die they move along that tunnel and they keep going past a few layers of density within reality. Their light source is a few densities away from ours, you know?" I nodded, taking in everything he was saying. "And that other band, the one that's farther away, that's where humans return to - they have a planet called Earth - it's in the densest layer of reality. We're right behind you guys. So, uh, sometimes you guys fall out of that tunnel and get stuck here - for a while, but someone always comes back for you..." He looked down at his finished plate of food. "When a human lands here it never remembers anything about its past, you know? Once the body dies, your story is fresh and you get a new one. You keep returning to your planet until you finish a cycle of some sort. We don't know what that is or what the reasoning is for why your souls develop this way. We try to stay out of it, you know? But it's very unusual for a soul to be structured like this. Demons like us, we get one story and we live it out, day after day, but you guys, you get a start fresh after a period of time, you know? The weight of reality doesn't stick to you..." I looked up in wonderment at the two bands. They stretched from one end of the sky to the other, and the tunnel looked like a thin aurora borealis. "Do I go back there?" I asked him. "No." Matt said strongly. "No..." Softer this time. "You stay here. With me." "Why?" "I don't know if you can, your key opened my lock. A part of your soul is moving within mine. How could it leave?" "I wish I could remember what it was like to be a human. I don't remember anything..." "No. You don't. You know, sometimes not knowing things is a blessing. It's better this way." He thought back on what he had learned about my suicide and didn't want to spoil my fresh start with the knowledge of my past life. "You know..." He changed the subject. "On the other side of the sky, you see the circle of light right up there? You can't miss it." I nodded as he pointed out to me what looked to be a large moon. "That's our energy source. You have yours that you come from and reincarnate back into, and we have ours that we built our world around. We use this light to keep our species going. There are three orientations you can be born into. Light, dark and grey - and we're dark. That doesn't mean we're bad guys, though, you know? Dark is just the chaotic element to reality. Yin. We come from the main source, The Mother, she gave birth to all of us and made our planet next to this source so we could live from it and grow. There are different species of animals that migrate through yin energy, but rely on yang to feed from and we follow these patterns and keep track of when and where to hunt so that we maintain a balance with our energy source." Everything he was telling me was fascinating, but I still felt uneasy. Despite not having any memories of my past life, I still had the emotional imprint of what had happened and this was giving me a chronic sense of negative feeling. I liked Matt, quite a lot, and I was happy to be a part of his life, but I felt naïve. Like I had been just placed there, without any previous understanding into who or what I was and I didn't know anything about these people, their customs or how I would fit in with them. My future felt unsettled in many respects. I didn't know what else to tell him and didn't have anything to say in regards to what he had told me about his people. So I set my plate down and crawled into his lap to place my chest against his so that I could feel our connection. It was the only thing that gave me a sense of ease. I buried a portion of my face in his chest, one eye near his neck and peered out with a single eye off into the sky - to watch the band of souls travel across one point in the sky to the other. Matt put his arms around me and looked at the energy source from the other side of the sky and thought about his own problems - how society would handle his new connection, how he would bring me out into the world, and thought about what Wyatt had told him earlier that night. The one thing that held everything together was this cord between us, and to us both, it was the only thing that mattered. "Annie..." He whispered. "I wanted to apologize for, uh, for what happened in the basement the other night. I, uh, I wasn't thinking straight. You know?" "Why did you let me break into your own house? Also, why do you have a waterfall in your basement?" "It's where I used to keep fish for my restaurants... and I was just curious to see what you were on about, is all. Do you forgive me?" I nodded. "Good, I'm glad to fucking hear it, let's go back inside. I'm gunna do things to you." I climbed off of him and he grabbed the two plates. I took the blanket and we went back downstairs to his bedroom. I'll be falling down You be watching by my side (By my side) I just need a helping hand, I just need you in my life (In my life) Clouds keep turning black Baby please just call me back You keep living in my mind Feel your soul inside (Yeah inside) Falling into pieces, I'm so alone

Back to my story - I have a few chapters written that I will post over the next few days, but currently I'm on a short break with it because I'm not quite sure where I want to go with this and I need to give it some direction. But by the time I am caught up on posting the chapters, I might be reinvigorated again. The more I write, the greater appreciation I have for people who are actually genuinely good at this craft. It isn't easy. I'm at the level of a bad fanfiction writer. I'm trying to add more depth and dimension to my characters; this is my first time writing a story like this and I'm a total noob, but I'm having a lot of fun with it. It's supposed to be my personal little after-suicide world. I have hopes that in some way, we get to create what happens next in our story and so I wanted to write about a possibility for myself that allows me to not only world-build, but to create the prototype for a relationship that I would have been okay with if I were younger. Writing this gives me a second chance to work through some of what happened to me when I was in my early 20's and to re-write the script into something more pleasant and controlled. As I write it, I am noticing that it is healing a lot of my relationship wounds and allowing me to explore a side of myself that I haven't had the chance to do, that ultimately I don't want to do in the real world, but that I'm having a lot of fun doing in a strictly fantasy setting. ------ "Try me." "Okay... well sit down for this. It's... a human..." Wyatt sat down, poured himself a drink and looked at Matt blankly. "A human what?" He asked, taking a long, slow sip off of his mug. "I brought a human home, you know, sometimes I like to help them out for a little while until they get sent back on their path..." Matt explained to Wyatt, taking nervous intermittent swigs from his own drink. "And this human I found, well, she seemed interested and - things transpired, and... I didn't stop it. You know, I uh, I just kind of lost control and I don't know how it happened but I woke up next to her and a cord was there. I wasn't thinking straight, you know? It-it just happened. And then, I got to see her entire life flash before my eyes and it was so fucking distressing and brutal, and it left a bad taste in my mouth, man - and... she, she wasn't even in the tunnel after she died, you know? So, so maybe she was sent here for a reason, and maybe I could keep this one, you know... I don't know man, I don't know..." Matt looked at his friend, eager for an answer. "How is that possible? I have never heard of this happening, maybe you've made a mistake? Is there anyone else you've been around that could have opened it?" Wyatt inspected his friend's face closely while Matt took large gulps to calm his nerves. "No, it was her. I can tell. I feel it." Getting to the end of his first mug, he poured himself a second. Wyatt shook his head. "Matt, how did you get yourself into this mess? When you left all your restaurants and you handed them off to me, I always thought you'd come back. I thought, maybe you just needed some time to get yourself together. You're one of the best chefs in the world. You have a talent. No one else can do what you do. And then you just left, like it was nothing. And I've been running everything in your absence for all these years without you. Five hundred years, man." Matt stared at his drink, unable to look at his friend. "And when you told me that you started getting involved with humans, I knew it went against our neutrality, but I didn't say anything because I thought it was just a phase. I thought you'd get over your obsession with these creatures, and find a nice girl and settle down. Maya and I have been trying to find you a decent woman. You've let these compulsions get out of hand and now you've fucked yourself over. If you stay with a human, you're screwed. If you uncord, you're screwed. What do you think is going to happen when people smell a human on you? They may not even know what one is, but they're going to know something is off. And what about the human? Their souls never stay here. What's going to happen to you if they send her back to her light source to reincarnate? And if she stays here, how are you going to explain yourself? She'll never even be able to leave your house. No one has ever fucking done this - what if they force you to uncord? You've gone against everything that we are, and you've ruined yourself, your life, your fucking future." Wyatt, finished with his mug went to refill it and noticed that the pitcher was empty and so he went to prepare a second one. He got up and walked to the kitchen, leaving his friend to sit with his thoughts for a few minutes while he made a fresh batch of the greyish brew that their people loved to drink so much. He carefully measured out the appropriate amount of light blood and alcoholic bark extract, mixing the two together until it bubbled and fizzed in the container. Wyatt took a spoon, sipped a bit of the drink to test it and brought the new pitcher back to the table. Matt had quickly downed his second helping in his friend's absence and was ready for a third. Everything that was happening to him was so unexpected and confusing, that he just wanted to come home later that evening with the meat, cook something nice and enjoy his new partner's company, maybe even try to initiate a sexual encounter. But Wyatt had made some good points. "Well, you know, I've been thinking about this and uh, like I said, she wasn't in the tunnel. Maybe... maybe no one is coming for her, what then? What if, what if she's supposed to be here? And, you know, in life - when she was alive, she wanted the same things that I do. I saw it. I felt it. We're the same. The creator made us all with the idea of unification. Maybe, you know, maybe things aren't supposed to stay the same way forever? Maybe things are supposed to veer off and unify in different ways? Wyatt, I mean fuck dude, it's been five hundred years, what was I supposed to do? Just remain alone until then? And when the fuck is unification going to happen? Consciousness just keeps expanding, I don't see it fully coming together anytime soon. You know me, man. I've tried. I couldn't get my lock to open, and now it is, you know? I don't think that all of society is going to collapse because of one fucking human." Matt, halfway done with his third mug was starting to get drunk, and he felt agitated. He knew both of them made sense, but he wanted to be the one who was right. "Have you slept with her yet?" Wyatt inquired. "I'm not sure, you know? Some things happened in my basement. Maybe kinda, but not really... I was thinking I'd go on a hunt with you, clear my mind, talk about this shit, maybe go home and make some fucking food and then try and see where I get with her, you know?" Matt took a sip, then ran his hands through his hair. "I mean, she's my partner now, you know, it should be fucking fine..." "Matt, I don't know what to tell you. I don't think this is going to end well for you. What else do you want me to say?" Wyatt knew his friend had made up his mind and he knew that once he made a decision about something, it was almost impossible to change it. There was nothing more to be said. "I don't know, man. But you know what, fuck this shit, I'm going home... and I'm going to do what I feel is right for me." Matt stood up, went to the cooling cellar and pulled out the bag of meat portions that he had hunted from earlier that day. "Thanks for the drinks." "Of course..." Wyatt took note of his friend's mental state. It wasn't a usual thing for him to have a strong opinion on anything, or to fight for something, but on the rare occasion that he did, he never backed down. He was generally a quiet, thoughtful and observant person and the fact that something like this happened was out of character in some respects. But then again, his friend had been acting strange for a long time. He had gradually become more reclusive, putting more time and energy into understanding human beings, compulsively bringing them into his home to help guide them. Wyatt knew Matt liked them, fetishized them, and that he helped them as a means of getting close to the types of women that he found attractive, but he didn't ever think that something could come from it. All of this was a complete shock to him and he was worried for his closest friend, who seemed to him, to be getting involved with things that could destroy everything that he had built himself up to be. He knew that if Matt became sexually active with a human that there would be no chance of him ever having a normal life, but maybe that's what he wanted? Wyatt felt a bit resentful. The two of them were a team. They worked side by side for over a thousand years, and it still greatly hurt him to know that Matt just up and left, as if everything that they made for themselves meant nothing to him. He knew his friend was going to go home to try it, and would probably succeed, and that it could cost him everything. Matt made his way to the door, but before opening it to leave, he called out to Wyatt. "I want you to come see me tomorrow. Meet her. We'll make something for dinner." "Okay." "Bring Maya." "Okay..." He slammed the door behind him and walked down the steps to the sidewalk. He just wanted to get home, to make some food and to think about what he was going to do with his life from now on. Everything changed for him; in an instant he was given everything he wanted, but he wasn't sure of what the cost was going to be. A deep part of him hated himself for being different and a deeper part of him resented society for trying to force him to be normal. He was afraid of what could happen if people found out. He wasn't sure if they would make an exception to their neutrality to damage his connection with his human in some way, or if their neutrality extended to his relationship. He wanted to be open about himself, to be able to feel safe enough to let his partner outside, to share the city with her. He was well known, his three previously owned restaurants were permanent long standing fixtures of the city. What would he do when people found out? Eventually they would - they would see that his lock was open and he wouldn't have a partner to show for it. How would he explain this when they asked him about it? Matt put the bag handles into his mouth and turned into a wolf and raced down the street. In this form it would only take him maybe five minutes to get home from Wyatt's. As he ran back up the hill, he would sometimes pass by happy couples minding their own business and think to himself bitterly, "Fuck you bitches." He ran past another happy couple. "And fuck you, too, cu***." He kept going, with the bag of meat bobbing up and down and side to side in his mouth. Matt made his way back home, turned into a man and hopped up the steps, then unlocked the door and immediately walked into his kitchen. He threw the bag of meat onto the counter with such force that it knocked over the wooden block that contained all of his chef's knives, and they scattered all over the floor. "FUCK!" He gripped the counter with one hand and smashed his palm repeatedly into the counter with the other. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Didn't I warn you not to? Didn't I warn you good? Maybe we couldn't help it Maybe we never should Didn't I say it slowly? Didn't I make it clear? Is it unfair to ask you? Why it is you're still here? You cut your teeth on the lack of answers, singing Come back home and it don't feel the same Well I've bled words onto a page for you And you never knew my name Didn't I make it harder? Didn't I leave you that? Was it too much to ask you? Why it is you still care? You cut your teeth on the lack of answers, singing Come back home and it don't feel the same Well I've bled words onto a page for you And you never knew my name

Hmmn - gum and sunflower seeds.

Yeah there are toxic elements to this place. You can't mention this though or people will gaslight you, or the mods will be on you. It's kind of like a toxic family system, where if you call it out or see it for what it is, then you are the one who is castigated instead of those who spread genuine toxicity. The best you can do, just like in a regular society, is to ignore it and go about your business. Karma catches up to people who spread badness everywhere they go, be it online or in person, either that or they stagnate and never change, which is in the end a worse fate than being the whistle blower on an obviously somewhat toxic place. But if you just don't let it affect you, go about your life and realize this, then it doesn't really matter much at the end of the day. You can't escape situations or people like this, it is engrained into society and there is no good filtering system for these things. So what can you do? You can bring attention to it, sure, but what's shown here is that, just like in my case, when you mention it, people don't really want to look there. Not really. Not truly.

I'm trying so hard not to Mary-Sue my characters. It's annoying, I have their personalities fully fleshed out in my mind, their struggles, their drives, but I can't seem to translate this into words. The amount of detail I can think on when it comes to putting this would equate to pages and pages of information, but then when it comes to writing it out I can't seem to hack it. It amazes me how genuine, quality writers are able to do this and I envy their skills. Maybe the solution is to use this as a rough draft and expand on it, but I don't know that I ever will. So, onto the hunting scene, my favorite scene to imagine so far. Matt walked to his friend's house, which was farther down the hill. Wyatt made just as much money as Matt had, now that he owned the restaurants, but wanted to save up everything he had. Wyatt was a taller demon, standing at about 8 feet, with long straight black hair that went down to his waist, a large hooked nose and high cheek bones, thin lips and a lightweight, wiry body frame. When he and Matt would go hunting, Matt took the center formation, with two other men flanking on either side to drive the prey, and Wyatt along with two other long distance runners, that were long and lanky, would arch ahead of the prey and then run towards it, so that when they made a full circle, the animal was completely cornered. Wyatt being in the middle in the font, and Matt right behind, depending on whichever direction the prey would run in would determine who made the kill. Matt's favourite thing was killing the creature. If he needed to, he would run and grab them from the top and sever their spine with his teeth, but he mostly loved running along the underside of the creature, grabbing it by the jugular and ripping into it, holding it there in his jaws until it suffocated - and he was able to drink the precious milk of light that came gushing out of it's wounds, lapping copious amounts of it on his tongue into his eager mouth. Matt thought about the events that took place earlier that morning before he left for his friend's house. He woke me up and brought us both into the bathroom together to take a bath. They didn't use showers, and didn't have toilets, either as the body was able to use everything that it ate and drank. Bodies themselves, being partially ethereal, didn't excrete waste, but you did have an endocrine system, and you also have a signature scent on you; you collected smells from your environment as well. Demons have a very good sense of smell and would often take baths, especially before hunting or after sex to hide their activities from others. A large portion of your immediate history could be smelled on you by others and it was considered kosher not to bring that history into the room with you, so they bathed often, many times twice a day. Matt drew the bath, the water would rise from the bottom of a large porcelain tub that you would walk into. Demon culture views bathing as an important task, and so the tubs are much larger and deeper than the ones humans have. All of their soaps, shampoos and conditioners are made from the various parts of animals of the light that they capture and harvest as well as adding some plant/flower material for scent. They didn't need to brush their teeth, as germs don't exist in this plane, but in order to remove scent and food residue they had a type of oily mouth wash which pulled everything from your gums and tongue. He showed me which substances were which, and how to draw the bath. The lettering on the bottles was very unique, like a mixture of Sanskrit and runes. He helped me bathe, washed my hair for me and rinsed everything out by collecting water into a large bucket and pouring it over my head, and then cleaned himself off. He didn't want to smell like a human when he went to visit Wyatt, or to go hunting. He still wasn't sure how he was going to explain himself to his friend. After we bathed, he gave me a towel to dry off, and a lovely white dress with some underwear to wear. He told me that his people didn't have clothes that fit creatures of my size and so he had a few things made for when humans would stay with him, but that he would have some clothes especially made for me in the future, depending on what my preferences were. I liked the dress, though. It was simple, lacey and feminine. He told me to wait in his room, and he left to bring back a tray full of some different types of food and some drink and when he got back he set them on the nightstand next to the bed and asked me to wait here in the room until he got back. He told me that he generally went hunting once a week with a friend of his and today happened to be the day for this, that he wanted to bring something home that was fresh to cook for us to eat. He told me to rest in the bed until he got back, and that human souls generally have a period of needing extra sleep as they adjusted to their new semi-ethereal bodies, their lack of memory, and that generally a partial-death experience was taxing on the soul and this required a transitional period. He asked me to please not go into any other part of the house as there were certain rooms that contained things within them that wouldn't make sense to a human mind without some prior education, that I could get stuck in a room. I agreed to his terms, curled back up into the bed to take another nap - he was right, I was tired again already - and he left for Wyatt's place. Matt finally made it to Wyatt's, which only took about a half an hour to get there if one was just casually walking, and knocked on the door. His friend, who was expecting him, as they had a weekly schedule, opened the door. He looked down at his shorter friend and immediately noticed that his lock was activated, but he couldn't smell anyone on Matt. "Matt! Hi buddy, it's good to see you. Your lock. It's open! When did this happen?" "Uh, I uh... just last night man... that's something I was hoping to discuss with you. I was hoping we could go for a hunt first and then have a few drinks and I'll tell you about it then..." Matt wasn't sure how his friend was going to take it. He wasn't sure how anyone was going to take it. Something like this had never happened before. His entire species, tradition and culture was predicated upon maintaining balance with the light, on working with certain migratory patterns of prey animals and of bonding - specifically, to someone of your own kind to maintain the collective reality and it had always been this way, for as long as they were able to create a functioning society. Not only did nothing change within it, but outliers were not heard of, ever. Maintaining a sense of neutrality towards other species on their incarnational and after-death cycles was essential. Some yin-oriented species liked to tip things in their favour by damaging or interfering with the lives of denser species, but they had learned early on how to create a system that allowed for a renewable energy source without needing to take more than they needed or to prey on other sentient life-forms and this was something that they were proud of and was for the most part effortlessly maintained. And what Matt had done was basically throw all of that out the window, possibly damaging the balance that his people worked so hard to create. He genuinely had no idea of what the ramifications of his actions would be. He knew that it was an accident, for both parties, but he took full responsibility for allowing himself to be blindsided by lust and allowing the situation to cultivate. And yet, another part of him felt that he had paid his dues to his society. He played the part his whole life. He had planned to have an ordinary life, just like anyone else. He worked hard to build himself up to becoming one of the best chefs in the world and one of the best hunters on top of that. He had tried with women to make it work. He really did. But he just couldn't hack it. Why should he suffer for having been created differently, after having done so many things that were right? He played the fucking role, time and time again, followed every rule as straight as an arrow. Why shouldn't he have just this one thing - for him - just this one time? He had no answers, just a million questions, one after the other piling on top of each other. And this is why he needed to go hunting. He needed to clear his mind, to do something that he knew he was good at, that allowed him to be the demon that he was, the predator, the hunter, the killer. "Yeah, sure, of course. Let me get my things and we can head out." Something was off about Matt. He didn't seem happy, he seemed lost in thought and confused. Wyatt went back inside to get some meat bags, handed a few to Matt and they both left for one of the many hunting buildings that were scattered around the city. They both decided to walk. Matt didn't say a word the whole way there. When they got to the building, they went inside, entered in their information and the animal that they wanted to hunt onto a piece of paper and put it into a box that kept track of various hunting parties. When a party was gathered, they would be taken into a room where they would collapse reality down to yin-miasma in the right location and chase down their prey. They both sat in the waiting room for about an hour until four more men of the right body shape were gathered and the six of them were ushered into the hunting room. The hunting room was a white room that had some butchering knives, a table, a few bags to put the meat in, and some paper to wrap the meat up into sections. The six men gathered into a circle and meditated, until reality collapsed around them and there was nothing left but the miasma. When they opened their eyes they turned into their wolf-forms - completely invisible in the darkness, sans their blue eyes that glowed like a cat's. Everyone knew what running position to take and they moved into the correct formation. Matt had two runners on either side of him to help drive the prey, and Wyatt had two long distance runners, also flanking either side of him. Wyatt had the physique of a cheetah while Matt was lean, but a bit shorter, more muscle, a bit more stout. They knew exactly where the prey was located. Demons, being connected to the miasma, were able to sense, once in it, everything that moved through this material and could pinpoint with exact accuracy where their targets were. Wyatt ran ahead of Matt, so that when Matt drove the prey, the prey would be cornered in a circular pattern on six sides, front and back. They located the prey ahead of them. It was similar to the pigs that we have here on earth, but light creatures had no distinguishable features about them other than taking the form of something that was an animal, that glowed a pearly white and was easily spotted in the complete darkness of void. The flankers spread out so that they ran along side of the pig, with Matt right behind, and Wyatt and his flankers way in front, although the prey didn't know this. The flankers would keep the animal from veering off in another direction. When the hunt started, the wolves would begin to make an Ooo-wooo-wooo-wooo-wooo sound that sounds like a group of throat singers. This startled the prey and allowed them to know where the other ones were in the pitch darkness. They prey would not be able to see the wolves, as they blended in with the black, and it would hear and echo of these sounds coming in all directions. Matt continued to drive the animal until he could hear Wyatt's party in front of him making the same noise. The pig would try to run in another direction, only to be met by a flanker driving it back straight forward. It had nowhere to run. In front of it was Wyatt, and in back was Matt. Depending on which direction it ran, the boys would decide who went in for the kill. It kept running in Wyatt's direction, which allowed Matt to go in for the kill. He hadn't been running at full speed, he then sped up until he was alongside of the pig, opened his mouth and ripped into it's neck from underneath it, and halted the creature, pinning it down. As he dug into it's throat it let out loud, guttural "Weee-weee-weeeee's!" "Bleed delicious creature..." Matt thought as he tightened his jaws as strongly as he could around the animal's neck. "Give me your milk..." His tongue lapped up large volumes of blood that gushed out of the open wounds and drippled down his muzzle into the vast aether below. The animal screamed and struggled, bits of phlegm and sputum coming out of it's mouth as it gave its last cries. A few minutes passed and the animal suffocated. Matt let go of his grip, turned back into a man and wiped the glowing white blood that was dripping from his face. The hunting party put their hands on the animal, together in a circle and meditated on the hunting room again, and all of them, pig included, were materialized there. Matt, being the one who made the kill was given first dibs on what parts he wanted to take. He brought the animal up onto the butchering table and took some ribs, the heart, a buttock and the ears. He liked to bake the ears and nibble on them throughout the day as a little treat. As he put the parts into wrapped paper and tucked them into a bag, Wyatt went to work on his portion, choosing parts that would be good for some soups he wanted to make for the restaurants that he ran. The two boys thanked the other four men and left them to dissect the rest of the pig. Wyatt and Matt made their way back to Wyatt's home, when they got inside, they placed their bags in a cooling cellar and Matt sat down, still silent. Wyatt made some drinks for them, which were made from the blood of a light animal, and fermented bark that became alcoholic with age that came from a type of forest tree. When the two substances combined they would fizzle and turn an unappealing grey colour, but the men of this culture loved this type of drink especially after a hunt. It was often custom to come home and have something to celebrate. Wyatt poured the contents into a large pitcher and handed Matt a mug and set one down for himself. "Pour as much as you like." He said. "You've been off today. Something is wrong, is that what you wanted to discuss with me?" "Yeah..." Matt whispered, taking the pitcher and helping himself to an entire mug. "We might need a few pitchers tonight Wyatt. I don't think you're going to like what I'm about to tell you..." "Try me." "Okay... well sit down for this. It's... a human..."

I'm sure this will be a "classic" before too long.

I've expanded much more on the world, my characters - but seeing as I am not really the best writer, I don't know if I will have an easy time translating what's in my head to the world that I've built. I've been thinking about their personalities, how they interact with the world and have been trying to bring a bit more depth to them. We'll see how it writes, I have a few days worth of material to go through. First, the lock and key system, then try to integrate that into the narrative I've been working on. Worldbuilding is hard. I love my characters so much now, they're a lot of fun. Matt's my favourite, he's like everything I would want in a guy, but imaginary - which actually makes things way easier because you can pick the story up again when you want to or put it aside when you want to and you can't do that within a real connection. It's real enough, they're "alive" in my imagination, just like I am alive within God's. So the lock and key system is what helps keep consensus reality for my made-up demon species. It's a pair-bonding system, but it also works similarly to yin-yang, in that it continually rotates and is also an analogy for masculine containment. There is an energetic component in men, like a black hole or a vortex, that draws the soul of a woman forward into it when it is activated. Being more attuned to cosmic flow, most of them have a general sense of understanding of who is and who is not compatible. There are no "soul mates" or "twin flames", as there can be many different ones who are compatible, it all depends on who you meet at the right time. But once activated, you create that connection consciously, and once a cord is formed it can't ever be disconnected. On the very rare occasions that a cord was cut, these were the moments in which these creatures did end up killing themselves, because when that part of them is cut, it becomes inert and there is no way to grow it back again. Without that connection, a large portion of who they are is lost. They're a telepathic species and they rely on the love contained in order to grow, to continue to understand the world and to have a sense of companionship. The reason that they have this at all is the only reason why a yin-oriented species is able to work together and so much of their culture is based on facilitating these connections, keeping them maintained and flowing properly. It starts with the man. If he sees that something is compatible, and this happens subconsciously, then it will begin to open up and to flow in a rotating pattern that draws feminine energy into it. If a woman is receptive, then her energy will merge with it, continuously being drawn out of her - and this is the "cord" - that string that connects, and it merges and twists with the energetic vortex in his chest. A woman can facilitate this by sort of submitting into it, moving her energy forward so that it rests within him. The more she does this, the better she is at it, at letting go and allowing her energy to flow into his, the stronger the connection. If she isn't interested in him, then the movement in his chest will stop, but generally most of these demons are able to simply know, or are able to find compatibility with a great many, and so most of them do not struggle to find life partners. They don't have the concept of "everyone has someone made for them", they have the reality of being able to create a strong, telepathic connection with a wide range of people, but whittle it down to, and build upon something strong and unbreakable with one person. This is called the "lock and key system", and it can happen during sex, cuddling, generally you just need to be close to the person's chest. When this happens, you gain access to their thoughts, emotions, and at times, their life's history, but not always. Partners are generally in sync and don't need a lot of verbal communication. This allows them to run a household much easier. They also don't have children to attend to, as their population is regulated by three to four new souls being born from the yin miasma. The events from - "Eat it Annie - extrapolated" Matt - for whatever reason, he could not get his to activate. He liked humans, but didn't think that they worked in the same way his kind did, so he just lived a life half alive - inert for the most part, and lost his passion. His activated completely by chance. He noticed a human soul come crashing down close to where he lived, and he put up a partition of miasma all around the area until he could find the spot the soul was located. He set out some food, as he often does, he finds that most of the souls are ravenous and that food made from the light is extremely nourishing to a high density soul which is generally kept away from, or unable to access light during it's time on earth. He went to go find this soul, while it - I - found my way to the house and tried his food before running away when he came home. He noticed that things were eaten from and went back out to find me. He saw me move across the same area quite a few times before deciding when to approach me, and wanted to bring me back to his home. When we broke into his own house - I brought him into a small sleep room that he kept in the basement that was pretty much never used. I decided I wanted to sleep with him - a quick decision to make, I wasn't sure why, I just did - and brought him into the room. He had wanted to know what it was like to be with a human for a long time, but wasn't quite sure of what to do with one. When close to him, I had pressed my chest against his and he noticed something moving within it - and tried to remain still in order to keep it from opening, but when I flooded the room and ran out, he lost control of himself and chased me and caught me on the waterfall bridge. This is when I noticed the sensation coming from him and inspected into what exactly I was feeling. I was able to get away from him and ran down the hallway into another room. He ran after me, turning into his wolf form and unable to control the demon inside of him, snarled and snapped at the door. The house works in an odd way, most of the rooms both exist and don't exist at the same time, they are connected by one hallway that has wires on the floor, it oversees a large library and at the end of the hallway is his master bedroom. When opening this door - there is a waiting space, two doorways - one that contains the room, the other that contains the hallway, and the third is the bedroom at the very end - and depending on what the person opening the doorway is thinking/manifesting, this brings a possibility of about 200 different rooms - so each time you open the door, a completely new room would be there. So I did this a few times before getting to the end of the rotation, and finding my way into the wire-room, where I walked to the edge of that, went into his bedroom and was caught there by him. Having full awareness of where everything was in the house, he was just a step behind me and I didn't know it. He caught me, pinned me onto the bed and then felt me up and spooned me for a while. He'd already gone way too far and didn't want to do anything towards me that he would later regret - anything more than he'd already done, so he held me there and we went to sleep. That part of him was awake and I could feel it drawing me into it - but I didn't understand what it was for. Waking up to this himself, he wasn't quite in his right mind. Generally he was a respectful creature, but at the same time, something that was not supposed to be opened, opened and he didn't want to let me out of his grasp. It all happened very quickly and was completely unplanned. I was warming up to him, I had wanted to get to know him sexually, at least, I was just taken by surprise when I saw that there was a lightening-quick predator underneath all of this - but I didn't feel that part of him was relegated for me, and so I felt safe, even after he had chased me all over the place and pinned me to him twice. When I woke up, I made my way down to the wire-room and noticed that when he slept, it was inert, and so I was able to walk through the door, into the interim-room, and back to the waterfall area and then into the unkempt sleep-room in the basement. I looked out the window there and was able to see, now that I had a taste for what was activated inside of him, I could match it to the material that was used to corral me in the neighborhood, that masked the rest of the city from me - and I could see that this was made from him as well. I went back up to the room and wrapped myself in him, and inspected the sensation coming from his chest - and feeling "safe" and "okay" with whatever had happened, I surrendered into it and an aspect of me was moved into that space - and this created a cord, a permanent lock and key. I didn't know that this is what had happened - it was very instinctual - that this is what I should be doing, it feels right and good to have this part of me move into this heart-space. I fell asleep cradled into him. "After the events from "Eat it Annie" - He woke up at some point in the middle of the night to find that he still had this human girl that he was spooning and felt something being pulled into his chest, rotating like the substance from a galaxy. It was the essence of my soul, merging into his. A cord was there! What the hell! He laid there, trying to keep his breathing steady and to not move so that I wouldn't wake up. "What do I do now? What the fuck is going on? Oh shit, oh shit, what do I do? What do I do? How did this happen?" He tried to peel his limbs back to move away from me, but when he moved his arm from under my head, I woke up. I turned around groggily and wrapped my arms and legs around him. I was never so forthright in life, but in death, I had no memories to fall back on and there was a lack of filter in restraining from the things that felt right to do in the moment - it felt like both moving with the human-like instincts of "I want this" with the universal flow of what was going to happen anyways. Everything was unfolding as it should, but neither of us knew this or knew why. It was this awkward teeter-totter of either being too close to him too quickly, or him too close to me. I was half-asleep and he was wide awake, with a million questions. "Humans and demons don't cord. They don't mate. How did this happen? I mean... can I? Could I...? She's right here. Where's that bravery you had earlier? No, no, no, just stay still and go back to sleep. You can figure this out in the morning." Matt swallowed heavily. "Fuck..." I fell asleep wrapped up around him, chest to chest. It was very clear to him that there was something moving. It was right there. There was no denying it. When I fell asleep again, he was given access through the Akashic records to my life's history as a human. This wasn't something that happened very often and he treasured the moments when he could learn more about humans and their culture. But this time it was different. It was as though he was there in person as a passive observer to everything that had happened in my life. He witnessed a young girl being born into the world, going through her school years, different friends and boyfriends, trying different foods and traveling to new places, he experienced her mental illness, isolation, a chronic sense of loss, family that had passed on, a feeling of not knowing quite where to go or what to do, and that finally gave way to a night where the girl swallowed pills. She didn't die right away, she seized on the floor, foaming like a rabid dog, holding onto her stomach before passing out. Her pulse slowly faded away, and she died right in the middle of her humanly life. He saw her soul leave her body - it was a golden orb - and instead of moving along the same tunnel that every other human had done, her path was shifted to land here. It wasn't like when a soul moves along its path and gets caught in the gravity and sort of shakily lands in the wrong spot, it had made its own path, not anywhere near the tunnel that other human souls took. It was put here by some outside force. When the vision ended and he found himself brought back to his room, he wrapped his arms around me. "I'll keep this human..." He thought. "There's no where to send her back to, she was brought here. Clearly." He sniffed. "Fuck." He felt a bit secondhandedly traumatized by living my life. After a few hours of staring at his ceiling, he finally fell asleep. He woke up the next morning feeling more mentally clear and reinvigorated. He wanted to go hunting, to take the edge off a bit and to bring me something home to cook up. Whenever he felt stressed or needed to take the time to think, he would visit his friend Wyatt and they would go hunting together, and he would bring the kill home and cook it. Cooking was his passion - aside from humans - it's what allowed him to think, to express himself and to meditate. Wyatt was born at the same time as him about 2,500 years ago. Being raised together, they became best friends with a strong and brotherly bond. I was still sleeping. His took his nails and scratched them all along my back. "Wake up." I lifted my head and nuzzled his face. Without the weight of my previous life I was affectionate, innocent and free. He made the decision not to tell me about my previous life and not to let me know what he knew about me. This is getting too long, so tomorrow I will go into the hunting scene with Wyatt - to explain how this works in more detail, along with Matt's discussion about what has happened with his lifelong friend, finally to end on the note of him coming back home, and sharing wisdom about the sky - where humans come from and go, and how the light works pertaining to migratory patterns of light-oriented animals and how their society is built around this light-hub, how they use it to fuel themselves and their planet.

I'm older, 34 - generally if I'm looking for a partner it's going to be in the mid-30's to early 50's range - preferably mid-40's as I like to be the "little one", and I see guys in their 20's as still being children. They even look like kids to me. When I was in my 20's, guys in their 20's looked like adults, but I can't see them that way anymore - I view them as people who are getting their lives together, who may want to start a family someday, who are still struggling to find themselves and if I were to go for a guy that young I would feel like I was not only impeding on him finding what he was actually looking for, but that I would be wasting what little youth I have on something that couldn't be a long-term thing. I would become way more worried about my looks, I would feel insecure about what people would think of me, it just wouldn't work. But with a guy who is around my age or older, he has more of a chance to have his life together. The thing is, most guys at this age who do have their shit together are married or in relationships. If things went ideally for me, I would have found someone who was ten years older in my 20's. That's what I suggest for women, to avoid their guys walking out on them when they hit the 40 year mark, a lot of them cheat for younger women, so if a girl in her 20's goes for a guy in his 30's, she still has her looks to get her through a man's midlife crisis, avoiding that mark where you find a lot of perv scouring for high school age girls. Honestly, I would stick to your age range as a guy\ if you can, but that's just my 2c. It is unusual for an older woman to want to go for a younger guy.

@Happy Lizard Haha, lol I mean no disrespect to OP, it's just my sense of humour to extrapolate on it in this way. Sometimes I just find things funny and they hit my thought train in a weird way.

Imagine being stuck in Fuck World for eternity. They bring you into a room with a giant bed and strap you down every day. Woman after woman comes in and rides you and or sits on your face. You can't breath. You can't move. Your balls are so dry at this point from constantly being drained that each orgasm feels like a needle being shoved up your pee hole. Then they unstrap you, take you to a large bathroom and hose you down. You get about an hour in a nice garden, but you're surrounded by women there, too, you don't even have a moment to yourself before some chick comes over to you, rubbing her hands all over you asking to get some. Once the hour is up, they take you back to the room and you're used again as a toy for a harem in a never ending cycle. Never again to try food or drink, never to have any other experiences, ever. Just this. For eternity.

P.S. - What about an eternal life of sax?

I've been thinking about something similar, like if you had an eternal life after this one - and it was more sexually oriented, but not just sexually oriented, but moved closer to that of unity and love - what would that relationship look like? What would be the story behind it, the race of people and stuff? Why do they use sexuality in a certain manner moreso than a human might? I think just having a bed, a bathroom and a fuck-yard would get kind of bland. You need motivations, a backstory, something that gives everything meaning. Just sitting around fucking different people without anything else to strive towards for the rest of eternity would get stale pretty quickly. Plus no food or drink, gotta have that. Food and drink is so good.

Still feeling quite sick today. Putting off going to the store until tomorrow so that I don't spread my illness around. Super snotty, super coughy. Sneezy wheezy. Hope it's not Covid. Been thinking a bit about opinions this morning. I know I have a lot of them, but I also realize that most opinions are bullshit. They're just kind of humanly end-all be-all door stoppers to keep a sense of reality afloat. "I feel this way about this, or that way about that." Generally though, life is extremely nuanced and it's damned near impossible to have a world-view that encompasses all the view points. I notice that I tend to stop at, "I like thing, I don't like thing." And not to go much further into it, and think that maybe I should spend more time expanding on my worldviews. I had a friend who used to follow me around on this website years ago who chose the name, "I like thing" for this very reason. I miss him. Hope he is doing well. I've been expanding on my little world while resting in my bed, as there really isn't much else to do while resting. I've hit a road block on a few things, but I have the hunting down, it's kind of hard for me to imagine the specifics of it - I'm not very good at the gritty technical details when it comes to world building. So, how these creatures hunt. Their world is held together by yin energy, the darkness, a miasma. They live pretty much forever, and deaths are almost unheard of. The entire planet is composed of this energy, but through a collective imaginative effort, they are able to manifest an actual planet, complete with medium sized cities, farmland, forests - and such things. It's a mid-tier density level planet in the beginning portions of the astral realm. There are still bodies, and structures and things of this nature, but it is seen to be illusory and are held together for the simple reason of having cohesion and a sense of civilization. These creatures would be considered a step or two above the human realm, which is very dense, it is hard to manifest things into it, and the illusory nature of reality is not so readily apparent. While hunting, these creatures create hunting parties. Different aptitudes and body types will go to a hunting building, put in their name and specifics and wait in a line until an entire hunting party is established. You get to choose the type of creature to wish to take down as well. They work together to take down animals in the same formation that wolf packs use. When a party is created, they are moved into a room together and dissolve the boundaries of their semi-physical reality to return to the dark miasma from which they come. Like removing the boundaries of time and space, but in a select area. While in this space, being made from the same material as the darkness, they turn into these very dark smoke-like creatures that can run along the top and sides of the darkness, as if it was a solid. Within the miasma, all sorts of creatures exist. Some of them are beings made of pure light that travel long distances in between the different points of light, like little whales in their own right swimming through a vast black ocean of nothingness. When one is spotted - there are a few different species - they lack detail and are generally the silver-white outlines of creatures and are easily seen on contrast to the night - they are hunted down to the point of exhaustion and then the "wolf" in front goes in for the kill, grabs it by the neck, gives it a few quick shakes and the deed is done. Then the entire hunting party collectively creates consensus reality again and find themselves back in the hunting room, where they work together de-flesh the animal, to take the parts that they need, put them in bags and take them home to make food out of. Light is sustenance for them. They only hunt creatures of the light that are migrating from different light points, and the society is built so that the numbers and patterns of the different animals hunted are taken into account. They never take more than their share - and have worked hard to create a balanced society. Despite being made from the same substance that "evil" is made from, it is still able to, it it's own right, create a well-meaning hard-working society of entities. This just isn't as common of an occurrence. It is quite an anomaly to have a well-structured society of dark-oriented beings. But they have found that if they don't take too much, focus their immeasurably long lives on balance, that the light permits a reasonable number of sacrifices. Consciousness needs to expand and it doesn't care what your orientation is - light or dark. Those that are on the dark side need to consume light in order to function, but light does not need to consume dark. They have plants, vegetables and things of this nature, but they come from the planet, which is made from the dark miasma and so hunting is an essential part of this culture. My boo Matt likes to be in the front of the pack alignment when he hunts and likes to be the one to go in for the kill. He enjoys when the little creatures squeal their last little breaths as he shakes the life out of them in between his sharp teeth. I mean, despite enjoying humans, he is a demon after all, and demons do like to hunt. It's what they do. The reason why his species is neutral towards humans, why they don't attack or harm human souls while on their way back to source is because humans are a grey area. We aren't all light or all dark, we're both and we are given the free will to choose one or the other. No human lives its entire life completely in the light or the darkness. Because of this, humans are not viewed as food. When moving up through the astral plane, there is a tunnel that human souls go through, and occasionally, maybe one out of 20 million, accidentally get re-routed to this dark planet. They're viewed as a neutral phenomena, and because they aren't food nor contribute to maintaining the structure of the society, if a human soul lands on this planet, they are generally left alone to their own devices. This species of demon is extremely neutral and don't want to shift the delicate balance of their culture by getting involved in anything. After a period of time, God, or sometimes other beings will come to retrieve the human's soul and will reroute it back to where it is destined to go. Matt started to actively search for them, after stumbling across a confused girl - after helping her, letting her stay with him, sharing a bit of his culture and knowledge with her, he began to fancy them. She did end up being retrieved by members of her soul group, and after this experience he decided he would help more. After being one of the top hunters and an accomplish multi-restaurant owner for over a thousand years, he let that go, became depressed and spent the next 500 years in his mansion at the top of one of the richest hills in the city. He would occasionally go hunting for large game, enough to bring home a decent amount so that he didn't have to hunt very often. He would still search for human souls, he would corral them in the neighborhood with a black smoke made from his consciousness and then would bring them to his home until they were gathered up by whomever was destined to come for them. He had a decent social life, many women who were interested in him and a career that he loved - but when he realized that the lock would not activate in his chest he became very depressed. A huge portion of growing, of creating, of living, was to open up this vortex. If you can't do it, what's the point of anything else? So he left it all behind, and would occasionally help the rare human who landed there, but for the most part spent his time alone - sans a few close friends who would check up on him. He had two friends that he did see on a weekly basis, a couple, Wyatt and Maya. He had given Wyatt all his businesses when he retired. They liked to hunt together, and Maya was a beaming socialite who often tried to set him up with new friends that she found. He hated every minute of it, but went along with it to make her happy. Despite all of it, he was a good friend and a decent demon-creature with a big fuzzy heart. He would go to dinner with Wyatt, Maya and whoever she would bring along with her, or at times he would bring them all back to his home and he would show off his cooking skills. Usually at the end of the night, he would wish them all well and send them on their way but occasionally someone who seemed like they could possibly be a good match, he would invite them to stay for a night. But it never worked out. The energy center, that was supposed to activate under the conditions of being able to fall in love, just never happened for him. He became increasingly more depressed. A huge part of being alive, of being this sort of entity, was having that portion of yourself open. It's what all of the prior work that was done was for. Their culture, traditions and civilization was built upon opening this lock and key system, which was a huge contributor in helping to build and maintain the cohesive structure of their reality. They learned early on, that if you don't have love, you don't have a functioning society. But bringing humans home, he felt delighted around them. They were so small compared to him. Generally a foot or two shorter. When moving from one ethereal plane to another, human souls remained relatively young, usually between the ages of 6-20. They didn't have the memories or residue of their previous lives, as this was stripped away from them during the process of death. Occasionally he could access the Akashic records to find information on the life that the human had lived prior to coming there, but this did not happen very often. He built his understanding of the human world and their lives around what he did learn from these chance encounters and came to the conclusion that human life was dense, harsh, and unconnected and he related to the human condition. Humans didn't have a lock and key system, they would never come to understand love the way his kind could, and yet so many of them spent their little, short lives looking for this intangible thing, most of them passing away with only a few short tastes of what it could really be and was. He felt that they were precious in their lack of balance, how they consumed everything in sight without having any understanding into the balance of the universe. He found it interesting that beings of darkness were more loving and aware than these creatures with free will and a grey area in their nature. Some of them could be very beautiful and sweet and some of them commit the most horrible of crimes. They were destined to return to earth time and time again until they had cleared their karma and were eligible to move onto the next level of development. They weren't held down by structure and tradition and culture quite in the same way that he was, they were in their own way, more free and he admired this about them. When they found their way to his home, due to not having any memories, they didn't have the darkness in them that they had accumulated on earth and so he attributed their harmful actions more to the density of the planet/dimension that they came from, and the lack of seeing the entire structure of reality and the consequences that came from the lack of balance with natural harmony. He would teach these things to them, would have them try his people's food, and would show them how to manifest certain things into their reality. Reality in this dimension was a bit more lucid, but you still had to follow some rules. After a day to a month had passed, either God or the human's soul family would create a portal/passage way that allowed the soul to transcend. He had no idea if they retained his lessons or not, but teaching them about his life and his people during the short time that they were there was the only thing that gave him joy in his celibate, dry life. That's all I got for now. I'll think on it today and tomorrow I will write on the lock and key system.

Was this what was happening when he was posting the pictures on Instagram? So we did have a right to be worried about him while some of you rubes were shaming people for being concerned about his wellbeing. Turns out he most likely was going through something. Hope y'all who tried to smooth it over have a serious talk with your own lack of intuition when it comes to other people.

Maybe, but maybe it's a realm where we go... "Oh, I like that." "No, I hate that, that sucks." ...And then we die! But now we know what we like and what we don't like and we get to build upon that. Personal heaven, maybe? I don't know... better than your idea though. Perhaps life is the setting stage for one super fanfiction? That would be sweet. So say, you don't like incinerators. Don't add them to your personal heaven. Incinerator = bad. But say you like ham sandwiches. Let's add that to our future heaven. Ham sammie = goood.

Tina is such an accurate mood. Taking an interim from more formal posts for a week or two... I've been sick for the past few days with a cold, so while in bed I've been working on my demon-guy fantasy - how I want it to play out for my bardo scene. Sometimes when life gets stressful or lonely, I like to fall back into a little world for a while, right before bed and right when I wake up and expand upon it. What I've got so far - in the astral plane, when human souls are being returned back to their place of origin, some of them get caught in the gravity of this planet. It is made of dark material/miasma, but functions similarly to the human realm - except that things are more easily manifest here - the beings here often hunt for their own food in the astral, beings/animals made of light. They are taken, ground or chopped and made into good foods that don't spoil. Everything is put together using a kind of collective imagination, there are still streets to walk down - no cars, plants and things such as this - cities and neighborhoods, but it isn't as thick of a realm as planet earth and things are a bit more malleable. So anyways, some get caught in the gravity of this planet on the way back to their own dimension, and are usually treated as a normal, but uneventful phenomenon. They aren't really seen, aren't given much help, and most do eventually find their way back on the right path to where they need to go. These beings look just like humans, except they all have black hair, ice blue eyes that cover the entire eye with a small, thin pupil and are 6.5-8 feet tall. A large portion of their society is based on eating the flesh from creatures of light, so they are able to turn into large black wolves and hunt in the astral plane in packs. They're made from the same substance that brings disarray to the human world, evil, strife and whatnot, but in themselves are a very compassionate and balanced society. They aren't evil, they just happen to be born from the other stuff. They live forever, and stop growing at around 30. Every year, the miasma makes about three our four new souls and the society cares for them into adulthood. They don't have children of their own. It's very much a male is a male and a female is a female society - they are energetically balanced, with men often growing a few thousand years before the women, and the women taking on a more submissive role. Men hunt, provide, women supplicate and fawn over them. Shit like that. Very cis. They have an energetic center in their chests that allows them to soul bond, women bring it outwards into the men, and like a key and lock, it takes a few years at times to get it just right, it eventually clicks. It's a social, but mostly partner-based society. A large portion of what activates and helps their society is this pair-binding function. They don't have things such as war, famine, greed, over population, none of this. So, about my partner - my imaginary after-death bardo boo. His name is Matt. And he is peculiar. He doesn't like members of his own species, and he doesn't know why. He likes human souls. A lot. He is 7 feet tall, with a stunning angular face. He's an excellent hunter and amassed a large portion of wealth over a period of a thousand years being a world famous chef - who would use the ingredients that he caught and hunted himself and owned a chain of restaurants for a while. He had tried getting along with women of his own kid, even sleeping with them, but the gravity in the center of him never went off - he just wasn't into it. Before he had let his business go, he noticed a human female soul wandering around and offered to help her find her way back to her own realm. He brought her to his home and took note that food made from the light was also very healthy for a human soul. They could eat the same things. He realized that he had a soft spot for them, and when he retired from the restaurant business, he began to actively seek out lost human souls and would help them get back to their homes. In this process he realized he was attracted to the human women. He wasn't a creep, though, and didn't do anything with them or insinuate that he was attracted to them. Friends of his would question him on why he hadn't found a partner yet, it was beginning to get a little unusual. He finally came clean and told them about his fetish for human women. This wasn't even heard of among their kind. He was just some rare anomaly. They tried to explain to him that humans were a lower species, that they came from a more dense planet, that the destiny of their lives and souls were completely different. They were meant to reincarnate over and over again until they completed some sort of cycle, while these beings were made from the energy of darkness and lived forever - and the darkness - within reason, consumes the light. This is why they were so balanced, not taking more than they should of anything, living by the natural laws of energetic balance. They wanted to know, can a human even love the way that we can? Do they bond to their partners the way we do? We aren't compatible, it wasn't a possibility. They tried to set him up with different women, none of which he showed any interest in. He explained that he loved their fragility, their imbalance, their fleeting little lives, he loved how innocent and starstruck they looked when they arrived here by accident and that it made him feel good to help them find their way back. No one could understand it. He accepted it. He would just live his life alone, he couldn't change who he was. He was viewed with respect and pity at the same time. Respect for the work he accomplished, the money he made, the skills he had, but pitied for being cursed to be in love with creatures that were incompatible. But then the events from "Eat it, Annie" happened and the right human fell into his lap. He learned that humans could bond in the same way that he could, that as long as there was a genuine connection there, that everything was compatible. When I slept, my soul siphoned off information as to who I was before I had died. I was a human woman, who had a hard life. I was lonely. I also felt incompatible with the world, weird, strange, and that nothing that I did fit or worked right. I had spent my whole life wanting something in life that I knew didn't exist, being who and what I was, and after my family passed away - I committed suicide. He could see it, and feel it all. Taking the pills. Having seizures on the floor before passing out and my soul leaving my body. But when my soul passed through the tunnel in the astral realm, it wasn't tilted towards where he lived, like the others - it had been moved there, a trajectory had been made. My soul was dropped here for a reason. He felt as though God had handed him a human of his own. He had his own little human to care for and to protect and we had bonded in a normal manner. The key fit the lock. He knew that his friends and others of his own kind that knew of him would be aware of this gravitational pull in his chest - meaning that an integral part of who he was was activated, and he knew they would smell a human on him and he wondered what their reactions would be. His species was completely neutral to humans, and so there was nothing to worry about, but being creatures of long standing tradition and a sense of general energetic balance, this was something not heard of or understood at all. He felt protective, knowing that I came from a place where life was more difficult, he wanted to hunt and to make food, to manage the home, to keep me there like a little pet. I would stay there with him forever - sent there by God to offer some relief to a lonely alien monster - to learn about what his species knew of the cosmos, of reality, and I would accept his home and his food and his way of living graciously. His friends and acquaintances had come to accept it. They viewed it as a one-time anomaly and made the decision that to have a human at all was preferable to being alone, but they couldn't understand it. The dynamic was quite skewed. He was much older, by thousands of years and had the wisdom and the meditative patience that those from the human world had never seen before. The amassed wisdom and balance that these creatures of darkness had managed to obtain was something to envy. Not many beings made from the darkness were able to create civilizations, let alone ones that were based on communal effort, tradition, work ethic and empathy. These creatures had a lot of empathy and love for their own kind, and struck a balance with the light, where they never hunted more than their share - and he had more empathy and compassion than even most of his own kind. To share in what he knew with a soft, vulnerable human is what made him feel like a male. To him, human souls were small and doll like - he liked the power imbalance and of being able to share the novelty of his life with something completely out of the ordinary. He knew of God, and of God's goodness, but hadn't expected that a soul would be brought to him, just for him. He felt very grateful. Creatures of the darkness were not often bestowed as many gifts as those that were light oriented - no matter how generous or neutral they were. That's all I got. I'm trying to expand on the traditions of these people, how things are manifest into their world, what a soul-bond entails between one of them and a human and how that works, the type of animals that they hunt and the cuisine that they make, what they look like as wolves, how exactly Matt helps the souls of humans - I don't know exactly how he got them on the right track to go back to where they belong, they don't use cars - so what sort of transportation they take, yadda yadda. After a few months, I'll have a fully detailed little world to fall back on for maximum cope. I like this one, this one is actually fun. And 'cause in this fantasy I'm like - fucken dead, I'm all hot again, so I don't feel like a total troll. It's a win-win. I hope my soul does get whisked away to some other place after death, to be with some dark demon man. They say everyone has their match - maybe mine is not part of this dimension?

I would move on. If someone is not interested in you, take their word for it and accept that this is likely not going to change. If ever there was a glimmer of hope, which there isn't much of one, then moving on actually allows that person greater clarity into deciding how they feel about you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. But if you just kind of stick around her, hoping things will change, placating to her, instead of going off, living your own life and being your best self, this can turn a woman away from you in an instant. The thing is, there are many, many people in the world to get to know and to meet. Don't put all your eggs in one basket for one person. For every one girl that you feel a connection to, there are hundreds if not thousands more in your area that would be an even better match. It sucks when someone doesn't reciprocate, and I know how that feels, but if I were you, I would cut ties until you no longer have any feelings for her. Maybe when you've moved on you could continue the friendship if you choose to.