ndm678

@Rilles

@Jacob Morres

@zazen we've been together about three years. So the honeymoon phase has long passed. She had recently got a promotion at work. Once she realized her power in there, she enjoyed 'waving my dick in everyone's face'. She has been working from home since the pandemic started, and doesn't possess clear lines where work ends at home begins. I have been a bit diminished. I struggled when a close friend passed away. I also posted on here awhile back about feeling clingy/needy, and was looking to keep that in check. I became unsettled when sex was shut down. Before her, I was in an 18 year marriage with a woman that came off as masculine. I've already done that experience, and don't care to repeat it. I've been on the spiritual path for awhile, she isn't interested in that 'woo woo nonsense' and isn't willing to do any sort of work in this arena. I liked your quote, thanks

@tsuki not exactly. I thought it was just a passing phase, so I let I ride for a bit. When I tried to address it, it blew up.

@Rilles almost 3 years

It happens to the best of us. If your in your head too much, it can put a damper on things downstairs. Just relax and be in the moment, don't think too much. If you've had anything unsettling in the romance/relationship departments happen recently, it might serve you to explore those elements so you can move on from them.

Loneliness will fade into solitude. This is where the magic is. You'll figure the bills/responsibilities dynamic fairly quickly (do a budget and daily/weekly/monthly chore list if you think that would help). Solitude is a great place for introspection and practicing spirituality. My gf and I split after living together for awhile. We ended up getting back together after a couple months, but we have our separate places. Not that I'm advocating that for you, but personal space and autonomy can really do wonders. I hope you find the comfort and beauty in solitude.

I recently got back together with my ex (girlfriend). We were together for 2.5 years, apart for 2 months. When we parted we hashed out the where we had gone wrong with one another. One of my pointed out shortcomings was I was kinda emotionaly distant and chilly. It was like I didn't 'level up' from dating to relationship. This time around I wanted to be warmer on the emotional side, and I have.... almost too much. I'm much more affectionate, and crave sex constantly. She's told me numerous times she really likes the uptick in those areas, and we seem to have a good little thing going. But I feel wrong for desiring these so much, I feel like it's borderline clingy/needy. We spend a few days together a week (we lived together for a short time before we parted). We, more or less, have radio silence when we aren't present with one another. Maybe this urge will pass in time and level off. Is it bizarre to totally flip in that kind of dynamic? I don't want it to be too much and make things weird, but I also find I difficult to dampen it now. Maybe this is more of a vent, but I'd be interested to know what y'all think about it.

I can't explain it, you just do. I find 'my people' most anywhere I go. Festivals, fairs, hospital emergency rooms, doesn't matter. Like moths to a light.

@hamedsf The sex is pretty amazing. But you have piqued my interest in making it adventurous. She's already a bit on the clingy spectrum.

@Windappreciator ??

Is there a reason you can't do both?

@Nahm the feeling of receiving affection is great. But it also feels like there will be a toll to be paid for indulging in it. Or maybe I'm just not picking up what you're putting down

I am terrified of dependency, of my own anyways. Anytime I initiate affection I feel like I'm being over the top with it. Feels good until I do it, then it's like a washing of guilt and fear. I agree, that frosting is amazing, but if feels like it's laced with Arsenic and razor blades, so a good deal of caution is applied. I feel 'off when we're apart. Logically, it doesn't make sense, so I kinda 'white knuckle through it'. My life outside of this had been kinda volatile the past few months. Lots of moving around and lots of people dying. Excuses indeed, but they play some kind of part. What we had before we parted for a bit, I didn't have these kind of feelings. I got divorced a while back, 18 years of being with someone that 'didn't want to be touched by anyone, anytime, for any reason. It's a deep, flawed,sub routine that's tricky to examine. I did get a bit overly clingy/needy when this was ending. I was a teenager before that, so I don't really remember those instance (I'm 41 now). I'm frightened of being vulnerable, rejected, and the sort. I'm not really sure how to come at those from a different agle.

Thank you @the Buddha. I will practice Soham.

Maybe this belongs elsewhere. It's the current hurdle on my path. I'm in constant thought, sometimes its negative, most times not. People talk to me and I've 'checked out' or split my attention within a few seconds. I have brief moments of peace during meditation. I observe this happening, and I end up thinking about not thinking. This routine persists from waking to sleep. There isn't much on the web in regards to it. Most is about 'negative self talk. I watched a couple Eckart Tolle videos, he talks about finding the pause in between thoughts. I observed that there doesn't seem to be a pause, it flawlessly bleeds into the next thought tunnel. Inebriated creates breaks, but I can't be inebriated constantly, nor do I want to be. Attempts of self correction devolve into self conversations, processes and techniques, hey a squirrel, and so on. The positive is I can be really deep with contemplation, but all and all it feels more like an hindrance. It bleeds into my work (I mostly work solo, I troubleshoot and repair machines), not in a negative way. I have long drives also in my work (ebooks and sometimes just no noise distractions). I live alone and don't have many daily tasks there. I have the time to be undisturbed and still, and its constant monkey chatter. I don't watch much TV, I have a wonderful one in my head. I hike and go fishing. I spend days in the woods, alone with my chatter. Maybe someone else has experienced this. It would be cool to shut it off for awhile.

I agree with @Preety_India, just get out there and do it already! you'll find your rhythm, trust the process.

I joined clubs of interest to me. One of them was 'toastmasters' which really helped me get over social anxiety.

@ZzzleepingBear Thanks for the tips, I'll practice them. @Nahm I, pineapple, understand where you're (pineapple) coming from. I just haven't realized I'm a pineapple as of yet. This pineapple hasn't been able to apply a direct experience yet, but we pineapples need to start somewhere ?. @Thought Art I, the pineapple, will check out Leo's (pineapple's) book list for some more info. Thank you for the suggestion.

If you find yourself single later in life, this is pretty much a given. You won't have any interaction with their children until much later in the dating/relationship process, if she's a healthy woman. Her children are her own social experiment playing out, I try not to manipulate that experiment. As for baby daddy drama, I don't have much experience with that. Dad tends to be involved in a healthy manner. If you have your own child(ren), which I do, you can relate much healthier with the parenting flow. You won't be a top priority, maybe in the top 5. And that's okay, because that's the way it should be. Scheduling nights out are less sporadic and more planned. If you stick around long enough to develop rapore with the children, you'll find yourself doing more family based activities. Day trips, board games, ect. Disclaimer: I'm in my 40's and have a child of my own. I'm already in a parent life flow.

In my opinion, I tend to believe 'God' was represented humanoid to make the religon more relatable to the masses. Organized religon is driven by accumulating clout by 'putting asses every 6 inches'. A sellabe story, if you will. It was a stronger sell vs worshiping rocks, clouds, or whatever the 'religious flavor' was in the region. Specific idols, trinkets, ect, once again in my opinion, were an outward way of identifying who was 'in the club', much like circumcision in the Judeo-Christian tradition. Disclaimer: I'm a fallen Catholic. I don't know enough about other religions to speak of their practices. On the surface, my observations seem to hold a common thread.

How exactly does one overcome a low self esteem problem? I've watched Leo's video as well as some others to try to wrap my brain around this. I feel I'm stuck. I have high confidence in every other facet of my life except in dealings with the oppsite sex. but this is a larger hole that can't seem to be filled by normal means. It was a subject when I went to therapy a few years back. We had tried some CBT excersises. I thought I had this solved, turns out other events were able to mask and hide it for awhile. I moved to a small town and decided to set up a dating profile (no where to meet and mingle within 40 miles). I impulsively swipe, I get little to no responses, I obsess, I continue. I watch myself and observe myself partaking in this, I still feel empty. I dont know exactly how to mediate on it, my meditation time turns into monkeymind on crack. It's a deep problem that has been long standing, hiding for long periods of time when the circumstances are right. Any advice would be welcome. I'm 40 and should be through this, its something I'm willing to do the work on (and have attempted to address), but seem to fall very short.

@Harlen Kelly Thank you for the insight. I moved to 'the middle of nowhere' to get away from the noise and focus on the inner work I need to do. This avenue is definately something I need to be more mindful of. I just don't know why it 'burns as hot' as it does. I could assume a good level of confidence, when I was a bit liquored up, but that's not what I want to be doing anymore. The neurotic inner game I maintain is the real issue. I guess that's where I need to start, but where? Because it pretty much consumes and negates my mindful practices.

@intotheblack Thank you, the sad angle of this is I was married for 18 years (most of my adult life). I honestly thought this problem was solved. I've pretty much been a mess since. I totally agree I need to do some shadow work to move through this, yet again. I appreciate the book, I will definately work with it.