Hello it's my first time to post here, felt like I need to know if I'm okay or ..not but when I saw y'all talking about imagining these scenarios I felt a little less worried actually.
I too imagine fake scenarios in my head but unlike you guys , I don't imagine myself as a superior character or anything cool but a background character you can say.
I'm a female and the whole scenarios made up in my head which I can't help imagining it everyday is not even the same gender as me or even relating to my actual life, and it even got worse like I now have 4 versions of the male character I make fake scenarios of, but somehow I make myself a background character like I'm as a sister of his, the not so important person.. and I rarely think of myself (the sister) or put myself in the scene with him (the male)
It's like I don't exist sometimes even in my imagination, instead of creating a better version of me like what you guys do, I just don't think of myself at all, I only think about how cool that guy is.
I do cry when imagining him suffering (which is what i imagine daily means I cry daily for no real reason) , and feel happy when he's happy (which is rarely imagined by me)
it first began when I was at grade 9 when my strict parents were threatening me , physically, verbally abusing me and stressing me out about that if i didn't get good grades I'd be the only failure in the family and that I'll let them down and make them look like shit , I remember my dad telling me "look at your cousins and how smart they are and how good their grades are, you'll embarass me and your mom infront of the whole family", "you're a disgrace" they also broke my phone.
I studied hard and I was so stressed that I used to revise what I've studied in my sleep paralysis (which happend to me everynight) it was hell for me all the stress and anxiety I had back then oh god , i even thought of commiting suicide before they see my grades, but I didn't do it.
I was alone in all this not to mention getting bullied by students , teachers , been sexually harassed when i was little, seeing my dad abusing my mom when i was 6 , and she abused me when he did to her, and not having any close friends I think all that what made me feel like I'm nothing, not important not needed, So Thats when I created my imaginary brother (the male character) who used to care for me and protect me , but years later he became the main character in my scenarios, now then I'm not even mentioned in my imagination.
