TheDude0

thats what I have to say for now. I am taking a pause. I kinda got emotional. I am sorry. No fuck you . i am not sorry. I can be emotional whenever the fuck I want. Yes, typing these last sentances filled me with tears. THERE IS A REASON FOR THAT. JESUS FUCK. UNDERSTAND ME PLEASE!!!! i am kinda worried that i might have been kinda offensive? listen if you're offended I am really sorry. Realize that for real, this was not my intention. I am just being me ok? I am not like this with people in my life. Dont worry. I know how to play the roles perfectly. I know exactly how to present myself and not appear "crazy" . But here...here? I gotta be completelly honest. you either accept me how i am, or you can ban me. I'm fine either way. I just feel the need to repeat this once more in case you havent gotten it already. Me...personally. now? I think i am a good person. I am constantly trying to help people around me. I am listening to people around me. Sure... i can get emotional some times... FUCK OFCOURSE I AM GOING TO GET EMOTIONAL SOME TIMES. ban me, let mee speak. whatever. do whatever you want . I am making my reality here come true. with or without you. I have the truth on my side. I have values on my side . I have love on my side. I have transparancy on my side. I will have the people on my side. You have no idea what you've created. All of you. Including my friends, my family, Leo, society. You've created a dreamer. A dreamer that truly believes he can make his dreams reality. A dreamer that is smart enough to do so. Fight me. Join me. Watch from the sidelines. It doesn't matter. Change is inevitable. The truth will shine. Love will win.

Fuck. I really need to sleep. Do I ? Idk. I can't sleep right now. I'll sleep when i've had my peace. I've got more to say. I gotta protect myself. While I am doing this thing with the gallery I gotta tackle the problem from another angle. Right now. Here . All over. Globally. Change is happening. You feel it. I feel it. I dont wanna say it has been fortold but, idk maybe it has. (age of aquarious and shit? ) Whatever gets people believing. The time for change is now. meeeeh. sure asks the stars if you want. if they're honest they will tell you the truth. The truth is this. The for for change is now. Now is always. The time for change is always now. We don't need a prophet to come and tell us this. Fuck the prophets. The prophets have had their time. It was 2000 years ago. Now is the time for truth. Now is the time for us. Now is the time.Now. ARE YOU CUNTS LISTENTING. NOW. THIS IS WHAT WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR. LOOK AROUND. THE WORLD IS CRUMBLING. THE WORLD IS BEING DESTROYED BY US YOU FUCKING IDITOS. WE DONT HAVE A CHOISE. DO YOU REALISE THAT. WE NEED TO EVOLVE . OR WE ARE GOING TO DIE. Fuuuuucking hell. A wise man said that evolution happens when life has no choice but to evolve. We no longer have a choice. If we want to make a better world. if we want our children to have a world to live in at all. This world must evolve. This is a matter of life and death. We through our collective blindness, neurotisism, blindness, cowardness . WE ARE ALL TO BLAME. WE FUCKED UP. -- i am speaking more to the people of my generation now. They fucked it up more than we did. And when I am saying they, i am not speaking in a conspiratioal way, although , come on . you have to be really blind not to see that some conspiracies are true. I am sorry leo. If you dont see that , you willfuly closing your eyes. ( want proof? just look up the recent GME debacle. the biggest scandal of our lifetimes. THEY are there. THEY have shown their hands. Its time we show our hands aswell. Its for warriors. ) Anyway. Brothers and sisters of my generation. My people. They have fucked us. They have fucked us hard. They poisoned this fucking world. with their fucking factories, with their fucking money, with their fucking capitalism, with their fucking communism, with their fucking fascism, with their fucking trumpism, with their fucking liberalism, with their christianity, with their sunnism, with their fucking shiaism, with their fucking taoism, with their fucking budhism, with their fucking animism, with their fucking labels. They... they have given us much. They have provided us with this huge illusion of safety and control. They have provided us with comfort. They have given us phones to keep us busy. They have given us drugs to play around with. (but they are going to put you in jail if they catch you doing it ) . BREAD AND CIRCUSES BROTHERS AND SISTERS. DISTRACTIONS . ILLUSIONS. THEY WANT US DUMBED DOWN. THEY WANT US TO IGNORE OUR IMPENDING DOOM. THEY WILL FIND A WAY TO SURVIVE. THEY ARE GOING TO BUILD ROCKET SHIPS. THEY ARE GOING TO GO TO OTHER PLANETS. THEY ARE GOING TO LEAVE. LET THEM. LET THE COWARDS FLEE. WE WILL TAKE CARE OF MOTHER EARTH. LIKE SHE TOOK CARE OF US. WE LOVE THIS REALITY. WE LOVE THIS WORLD. WE LOVE EACH OTHER. I'VE SEEN IT .. I'VE FUCKING SEEEN IT IN YOUR EYES WHEN I AM TALKINGG TO YOU ... YOU HAVE PASSION. YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS...YOU ARE NOT TO FUCKING BLAME!!!! WE..WE CAN CHANGE THIS FUCKING WORLD I AM TELLING YOU..i am telling... you. trust me. trust yourself. FUCK trust yourselfs . FOLLOW YOUR PASSIONS PLEASE. DONT WORK FOR A FUCKING 9 TO 5 JOB FUUUUUUCK. DO WHAT COMES FROM THE HEART ...please. pleasee jusst do this. if nothing else survives from my life let it be this..... the only thing i want. I want them to live . i wantt you to live. DONT BE FUCKING AFRAID OF DYING BROTHERS AND SISTERS. BE AFRAID OF NOT LIVING. DEATH IS PEACEFUL. WELCOME DEATH. I WELCOME A BEAUTIFUL DEATH LIKEE MY ANCESTORS DID. ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME YOU FUCKING DISGUSTING PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT TAKING ME SERIOUSLY. I AM NOT SICK. I AM NOT CRAZY. I AM ME. MY ANCESTORS DIED FOR FREEDOM. DO YOU THINK THAT I AM AFRAID TO DO THE SAME???? DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THAT LOW OF US??? FREEDOM OR DEATH. FREEDOM OR FUCKING DEATH.

I am following them. I am checking my wallet to see how much money I have. Damn. I have a lot of money with me. I have like 200 euros and something. I need this money to survive up there in the mountain. pay for the train ticket, buy food. whatever. I need to play this smartly, because yes I do want to help those people, but I also realize they can kinda rip me off if I let them. While I am having these thoughts I pass through the middle wagon. There's a lot of Roma people here. They are sitting seperated in what seems like different subgroups . ALL of them stare me down while i walk down the aisle. I look forward , determined. without fear. we reach the restaurant wagon. The lady looks at me suspiciously . Cant blame her. I just entered the wagon with 3 young children. "Yes?" "I would like...hmmm what do you have for food. " oh fuuuck. i dont remember the details of this exactly. I dont know what I did. I think I bought them each a croissant and a bottle of water? oh and a packet of gum. i think? I am not sure. I dont remember. I remember i bought a banitsa for me. I give them the "gifts" (it was nothing, no more expensive than 10 euros...) They run off back to the other wagon. I stay behind and start talking with the restaurant lady. She asks me where I am from, where I am going. We make casual chit chat. She also tells me to be careful around "them" . I respectfully and geniounly ask her why. She tells me the same old fear mongering bullshit everyone says. nothing specific. I respectfully thank her for her advice and good words ( she wished me a great trip) and I start my way back to my wagon. Oh fuck. I have to pass through "them" again now. They are going to stare me down again. fuck. nah its gonna be fine . lets go. I enter that wagon. The boy is there. He is holding my guitar. Oh shit is this a set up? They all look at me. I approach them confidently . (atleast it looks this way ) . The boy with the greatest smile goes around and introduces me to each and every one of their group. They all greet me. Some reluctuntly . Some with smiles. Some with suspicion. But they all greet me and tell me their name. I exchange some words with them. I see that they want to keep talking to me. I ask them if I can sit down. They say. " ofcourse , ofcourse" We sit down and talk some more. Its really interesting and I am deeply listenting to all the things they are talking to me about. They are kinda "fighting?" for my attention. The boy, the children, the older men. They all want to speak to me or something for some reason. I am trying to manage the sittuation as best I can but.. but i am kinda starting to miss my solitude. my journal and my guitar. I know it sounds kinda bad. but this is me. I come and i go. Sure I can give you my time, but ... respect my time bro. Like... i need some time for myself. Its the only person I have for real and i am going to have with me always. I am not some enlightened master. I am not some guru. i am not jesus. I am not. I care about me. I care about making my life better. I care about making other's people's life better too. BOTH CAN BE TRUE, DAAAAMN. anyway. i smartly figure a way out. I tell them I want to smoke go back a roll a cigarete and smoke it. I can roll some for them if they want to . One of them says that he would appreciate one. The other just say good bye. I make my way back. the boy stays behind with my guitar, talking with them a bit more. I get back to my seat. I let out a deep breath. Alone. I start working on my rolling. I roll three cigarettes ( i knew for sure some of them would like to smoke too, they just didnt say it or something ) Sure enough the old gentleman approaches and asks me if it's possible for me to roll 2 more cigarettes for the women. I obviously say , ofcourse. I give it to them and they leave me alone . Around that time the boy approaches . We start talking again. One on one. "lets go between the wagons though. I wanna smoke" he talks and talks. He is so enthusiastic. He askss me whether I can take a picture of him. i say sure, ofcourse. He gives me his phone ( ikr that suprised me aswell. he is so fucking poor yet he has a phone? hmmm) I take a couple of pictures. Their quality is not that good though.. hmmm "Oh thank you so much. I want to post them on facebook (double wtf. HE HAS A FACEBOOK? ) " "ohh you have a facebook? " "duh! what do you think? The whole village has facebook! " "really?" "yeah let me show you! Do you have interent on your phone? " "I do yeah. but wait. If you're going to upload them , let me take some photos from my phone . they are gonna be better quality. " "Oh, okay! " He poses for me. He is trying to look badass. he is making a very "serious" face. its cute. He asks whether he can take my guitar and pose with it. "ofcourse you can, there you go. " he makes some different poses, trying to look like a "cool guitarist" or something, He thanks me very much. He asks me whether he can use my phone to enter facebook and post the photos. I tell him I can simply make a hotspot for him. He says he has no battery on his phone. "...fine. sure. " i log out of my facebook. I give my phone to him. He logs in . No problem whatsoever. pretty tech literate...hmmm. He is looking at a photo. He finds one he is proud of. He starts creating a post on facebook but says. "hey do you wanna take one photo together?" "Sure lets me a selfie' i take the phone. I smile. He poses seriously. i take the photo. "don't be so serious. Smile. Be honest" The boy agrees. We make another photo. He smiles this time. I laugh. Its a pretty sweet photo. He goes back to the post . He starts writing down a caption. "what was your name? " "Σ" (my name . ) "S? " (he butchers my name ) "Not S. Σ. " "ahh S. Got it." (still butchering my name ) "Ah.. yeah." He writes my name down in the capture. (he butchered it even more in written form haahhaha ) . I dont remember exactly what the caption reads, but its something like "here with my something something, good times.(butchered name) " I say.. why dont you try " here with my friend'" "Hmmm.. good idea. Here with my good friend S" Its time for them to move on. He knows it. I know it. Still he takes the time to show me his facebook. He shows me the facebook of his crush . He shows me with great pride pictures of them with semi- expensive equipment like big ass speakers ( i am assuming for their parties) He shows me photos of him with his friends. His father arives and tells him its time to go. He agrees and tells him he is coming. the father leaves. I tell him, awkwardly "well this is goodbye then. I hope you listened to all the stuff i told you. You are a good kid. You can do great things." he smiles at me and he extends a hand. I push his hand aside and I hug him. He kisses my cheeks. He kisses them two times. I am greatly suprised, I just smile awakardly . I follow him back to his family's wagon. He gives me my guitar. And then all of them. The old gentleman, the man that was my age, the boy, the children, the other people that didnt even talk to me. They all said fucking good bye to me. I bid them farewell. You have no idea how much you all meant to me. I am probably never going to meet you again. I dont even remember your names. But you... all of you. you changed me. You showed me that I can trust people. I can trust myself. I can trust the world to take care of me. I love you all. I wish you a good life. I am going to fight to make life better for all of us.

Most of my old friends . All of you cunts are special. You've taught me so...much. I am talking to you... stariano crewwww. Also P (my oldest friend in the entire world ) , S ( an underappreciated artist who has failed his exams for entry into art school 4-5 times(!!!) ) , V (my first real crush, love, whatever. You know me. I know you. I love you with all my heart ) , Yung passssss ( we have a pretty special story dont we. do you remember what a racist fuck you were 5 years ago? You hated people of my nationality. how about now? ) , A ( A mother fucking genius composer. I shit you not. He is better than hans zimmer, or atleast he is going to be. Either that or he is going to kill himself or something idk. I really hope the first one tho ) , L ( bro... i know everythhing sucks. the world sucks. shit is hard. A told me you're seriously considering suicide. And tbh I am kinda afraid. I am afraid because I know you have the guts to do it. I know you are for real. Please don't do it bro. We are going to make a better world. I'll show you. You will see. You are a fighter like me bro. They have just taken your spirit. Listen when they come for me, i need people to defend me. You know I am not a bad person, you've seen it. I've talked with you , i've never lied to you. Most of them wont give a fuck when they kill me. So... if you were going to off yourself anyways, why not die protecting my memory or something idk. bro just... dont hurt people. this is not the way. the way is trough truth. through honesty. through love. Yeah yeahh i know you think all of this shit is cringy. BRO ITS NOT. ITS REAL. AND I KNOW YOU WANT IT TO BE REAL. I AM TELLING YOU ITS REAL. THERE ARE GOOD PEOPLE OUT THERE BRO. hmm.. thats much more about L that i thought I would write. Moving on. Cousin. Cousin my cousin. Throughout me whole life you have been my idea of perfection. Of an idol or something. You always got all the girls, you're good looking, you can play video games, you are a hustler , you are way way way smarter than you make yourself look. Yeah you are very funny. Yeah you can play the role of the fool as much as you want. But friendly advice, dont expect them to take you seriously if you are acting like a fool. I realize now that you are no better than me. Yes, you are better than me in many many stuff. That doesn't make you better than me. I know so much more than you know bro. I really do. You know why? Because I never stopped searching. And i never will. You...you got comfortable. Yes you've figured a lot of shit out. But...broooo...you are blind as fuck to many other things. You've always said to people " hey this is my couzin, he is the better version of me" To this day, I am not sure whether you said that mockingly. I would really want you to tell me the truth face to face. No matter, I believed you. hahaha. foolish little boy i was i believed you. and i really believed you cared about me. you are perhaps the first person who ... idk made me feel heard? From our very young days bro. I was an a 12 year old fat shy fuck with anxiety and fear . You were a 16 year old GOD. You OWNED your school. Girls loved you. Guys feared you. Bruh,..you were a king. And you were talking to me? And not only talking to me, but LISTENING? daaaamn. thanks man. thanks so much. I just have one last thing to say. Those times have passed. I am really have grown to be better and an improved version of you. Your days of glory have passed. You are no longer that king and I am no longer that boy. You got soft. You got comfortable. Lets shake things up huh? The only thing you need to do is let your ego go and let me be your teacher now. I've always been your little padawan ( remeember how we used to fight with brooms pretending we are sith lords and jedis? ) . Do you have the balls to be mine? Let me go back to my old friends though. All of you little autists. Your greatest lesson to me was tough love. We fight each other, we debate each other, we dont agree on many things. Yet we love each other and we trust each other. Strange huh? I wonder why. M , my dude. You know what I am talking about bruh. We have SUCH different worldviews. We have fought countless times, about trump, about leftists and conservatives, about religion, about whatever. This made us strong as fuck bro. I respect your ass. And I know you respect me too. Just one thing, I know you are a scientist and you are a scepctic . Bro... sure alright cool. Nothing wrong with that. Just remember , the greatest sscientists were those who were the most open minded. #TEAMSCIENCE i hope i am not offending anyone by not writing them here. there are counteless special people in my life. people that have taught me so much . People I dont even remember their names, yet they have made a huge impact in my life. For example those three little gypsie children... oh my god. they changed me. you should have seen their faces when I gave them my guitar. They were so happy dude... they looked at me with those crazy big eyes, with huge smiles. they played music! Yes...it kinda sucked. BUT it didnt matter!!! THEY DIDNT CARE. They were so in the moment. And I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! I just played some guitar in the train wagon. They came and sat next to me . They listened . I invited them over to sit next to me and talked with them, then gave them my guitar. Children...children are so precious The other gypsie boy. Who was about a bit older than my brother. He was still young. He wass on his was to work with his family. I was on my way to have fun for 5 days in the mountains, snowboarding, playing music, eating hot food, have a room to sleep in (nevermind the fact that it was shared with 11 other people. No, not nevermind the fact. those people were amazing. they made my stay so much better. they gave me food. they gave me alchohol. they treated me life family...huh. how lucky am I , damn ) HE AND HIS FAMILY WERE ON THE WAY TO WORK. It was freezing cold outside. They barely had any proper fucking equipment (he was only wearing a motherfucking jacket for christ's sake). And yet still...those people. Those people who are much stronger than my weak ass will ever be. They had to go there. They had to earn their bread. And they did it stoicly. They did it with honor. With 0 complains. He...a little boy no more than 16 . He went out there and earned his life. Me? I was on a fucking solo trip across the country , travelling by train and with my guitar. Nothing more. He had nothing to gain from me. Yet....he was intrugued . I dont think it was because of my incredible guitar skills or something. I think it was just something new for him. Something different in his miserable gray life that no fucking child deserves to go through. And I specifacly remember the choice. He presented me with one of the greatest choices I've had to make in my life. "Can you I take your guitar to the wagon next to ours and show it to my family? " Hmmm.. i dont know. Can you? What's going to happen ? Is he going to steal my guitar? I've heard that gypsies are dirty people who steal and rape and whatever. Is he a good person? Can I trust him? Should i trust him? Why should I trust him. In that moment, in a that split second I had to make a choice. A choice that would affect the rest of my life. Do i show trust or do i cower. The boy is intelligent. He sees my dilema . He says "nah nevermind dont worry. I understand . Its ok" . FUUUCK. I AM FUCKING IT UP. FUuuuck. I dont want to be one of the dream killlers. I want to do good! " Listen. Come here." I put my hand on his knee. He is looking at my eyes intently . " I am chosing to show you my trust. You look like a good person. Just know that I really love this guitar and I would love to get it back by the end of the ride ok? Actually. I would like it back in 10 minutes because i would like to play on it a bit. So. There you go, take it. But I expect it to be returned. " The boy smiles. The boy says thanks and rushes off to the next wagon with me guitar. around 10 minutes pass. The boy returns. The boy is very excited. He sits down next to me . "how was it? " "They liked it! I showed them how i play the guitar. Did you know i can sing? " "Really! You can sing and play guitar? Show me! " "Mhmm! Damn right I can. Watch this. " The boy grabs the guitar clumsly. he presses some strings in a very awakward way and he starts playing a song. I am assuming a traditional gypsie song , but the boy was kinda failing. He was failing so beautifully though. His notes were all over the place. He ...in all honesty kinda sucked. BUT HE WAS MAKING MUSIC. HE WAS SO IN THE MOMENT. HE WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY. ... I... i was so fucking happy watching him... At some point an older gentleman approaches. Is that his father? "Hey (name) . We are going to get off soon, we are approaching the station." Yeah maybe his father or uncle or something. deffinatly family. "Hello there sir. How are you doing" "Huh? Hello." "Would you like me to roll you a ciggarette ? " "Uh, no no. there's no problem. dont worry. " "Oh it's no problem sir. I wanted to smoke one anyways, you are doing me a favor. How about you , would you like a cigarette aswell? " Another slightly older man approaches. This man is around my age. So young. But so ...hard looking. A true warrior. "ah thanks I dont smoke. " "well" the older gentleman speaks. " Can you roll two more, my wife and her friend who are sitting over there *points to the end of the wagon* " they smoke too . " "ofcourse, just give me a second" after we roll the cigarettes we go to the space between the wagons and sit on the sides to smoke. We start talking. At some point the inspector passes and sees us all smoking and says " This is not allowed here! Stop! " I stay quiet. They just laugh him off and say " yeah yeah. move on" hahahah. they're so bad ass. So...we kept smoking. While we are smoking the 3 young gypsie children come to me . They ask me for money. I tell them to wait for a minute. We finish our conversation with the older men. They tell me about their struggles. How they go every day up to the mountains. to chop wood. how they take the train back. how they do this , day in day out. LEGALIZED FUCKING SLAVERY. IN OUR OWN FUCKING COUNTRY. THEY. DONT.CARE. They dont care cause its "them" . They are "dirty" . baaaaaaaaaah. I give my guitar to the younger dude and he sits at my place and plays by himself. I turn my attention to the children. They ask me once again for money. I ask them how much do they want. They are quiet. they look at each other. They say 10 euros. "NO . Not 10. 20! " hmmm, the child is smart. "Reaally? 20 euros? What are you going to do with aaaaaall of that? " "I dont know . right now we just want tto get some food. " oh fuck. thats fucked. "Hmm. well thats fine! we can fix that. there is no reason for you to ask money from me though. Come with me. Lets go to the wagons in front. There is a shop there, do you know? " "Ahhh. Yes yes. Lets go! " And they run off ahead of me.

Brother. My little brother. My little sunshine. You are still so young. So pure. So untouched by the evilness of this world... you are just a little bundle of fucking awesomeness. You have the potential to be a much greater person than me. You are smart as fuuuuck. you are cute as fuuuuck. You are awesome as fuuuuuuck. Don't let the child inside you die. They are going to try to kill it. Don't let them. Be honest. Be authentic. Be brave. LISTEN TO EVERYONE, BUT FORM YOUR OWN OPINIONS. when your opinions have been formed and you are absolutely ready, present them to the world and be ready for them to be judged and attacked. WELCOME THE ATTACKS . WELCOME THE JUDGES . listen, they are here to help you. ... even if they dont know that. People are spitting truth and wisdom leftt and right (and they dont even realize it ) Some of them will be lost. Help them. Some of them will act like they know everything and they have figured it out. LISTEN TO THEM and listen close. one of them might have figured something out and could really help you ( this guy leo here knows some shit. watch some of his videos when you are old enough. ) Most of them are bullshit and they only want to change you. They dont really care about you. They've read a book or two and they think they know what the truth is. BAH. ARROGANCE . so much arrogance. ... they are not evil you see ( well some of them are ). they are just misguided. they want to help you, or thhey think they want to help you. Do they really though? Very rarely will you find people that really care about you brother. But you will. When you find them...be honest. show trust. show love.

I WILL NOT BE A PREACHER. I WILL NOT BE A JESUS. I WILL NOT BE A BUDDHA. FUCK CHRISTIANITY. FUCK BUDHISISM . FUCK YOUR ALAH. FUCK YOUR SPIRITUALITY. FUCK YOUR GURU. FUCK YOUR BELIEFS. FUCK YOUR MOM. are you offended now? Oh poor you. Suck it up or go away. I don't want you reading this if you cannot understand me. I will not claim to have the answers. I will not present myself as a leader. I will just do what needs to be done. When i need to play the role of the leader I am going to play to role of the leader. When i need to play to role of the seeker, i'll play the role of the seeker. hmmm. i'll stop writing in future tense. I AM doing this shit. I play the role of the caring boyfriend. I play the role of the asshole cu** PUA that can gett you wet just by looking at you. I play the role of the "Jesus" and "holier-than-thou" (though I do it rarely, and when it needs to be done ) . I play the role of the fool. I play the role of the artist. Now...i am playing the role of the revolutionary . Why? Cause thats what the world demands of me right now. It demands to knoow that I am serious about this shit. It demends to know whether I am truly different than all the other people who just act like they care. It demands to know whether I deserve my place among my ancestors as an equal. It demands to know whether i...have...balls. Well cuntss listen. I have balls. I have balls like you've never seen before. I have big beautiful hairy balls that I try to keep clean and shave every time before I see a girl I know I am going to fuck. I have to balls to be honest. Brutally honest. I have to balls to be genuine . I have the balls to be authentic. I have the balls to put my trust in life. I have the balls to put my trust in love. I have the balls to be hurt. I have the balls to hurt people i care about . I have...i have the courage to love. I have privillage of being alive. I have had the immense luck of not having to care about money ever in my life, money is worthless to me. (and no, i am not a millionare or anything. But i am going to be. And I am going to make many people milionairs aswell. ) I have...gratitude. Sso much ...fucking...gratitude. Guys I am telling you, its unreal. I've met SO MANY GREAT PEOPLE IN MY LIFEEEE . So many!!! Fuck. lets list some of them that come to mind now. But know, that most of them are amazing and if i dont share them now, doesn't mean they are not special. All of them are. You... my dear T ( won't share her full name ) . You are special. I''ve told you this many times. You don't believe it. I fucking believe it. I see it in your eyes. I know your soul. I know you like noone knows you, you've told me this. Know that I loved you. I truly loved you. And i trully still love you now. Maybe more than ever... I know it's not in the way you want it to be and I am sorry. I am really fucking sorry about this. But I cannot have a girlfriend. I cannot have a girlfriend right now. I need to focus . I need to sacrifice some stuff in order to make my dreams a reality. Yes. We could have grown old together. Yes we could have had a family. Yes I would love you and I would love our children with all my heart... but this your dream baby. It's not mine. I know my dream now. I know you might never understand me...but I have a feeling you will. Because you know me. I've been naked with you. You've seen me. I've seen you. I love you. You...adrian. You son of a fucking bitch. ,...fuck no...ahaha I love your mom . I am sorry. You know : P Dude...you mean much more to me than you realize. (or maybe you do realize it . I am trying to show it ) You are weird as fuck. You are totally fucking crazy. You are good. You are terrible. You are a drama queen. You are a stone cold stoic motherfucker. You fight with me. You give me space to talk and be honest when you feel like you do ( and you always hit the nail right in the head) . Adrian for all you strangers is going to appear as "that weird guy" He is going to appear...cringe? Anyway...he is not "normal'' He is a genious. An absolute fucking genius . And like every genius he is not appreciated in his time. People make fun of him. People see only the external layers. People are SO FUCKING QUICK TO JUDGEEEE. Give him time. Talk with him. You will see. there is ...there is something there. Its because of him I am here. Its because of him I am who I am . ( then again its because of all the other people also ) What I mean is...he is one of the few people that...get me? He listens to me. I appreciate that. A lot. A...fucking...lot. thank you brother. thank you son. thank you father. I will always love you. i will always be here for you. I would die for you . and I know you would die for me. G. One of my oldest friends. You...bro.... You. There's no need for much words. may the force be with you. Right now I really feel like it is with me. Mom. You are the greatest. You are the best mother ANYONE , could have EVER hoped for. You played the role...p.e.r.f.e.c.t.l.y. you did all you could. I am sorry but your little baby is a dreamer. Yeah you made me, you brought me in this world. But..I am my own person. Let me live my own life. I will make MY OWN FUCKING PATH. I know i've dissapointed you. I know you absolutely hate the fact that I dropped out of university for two years. Mom. LISTEN. I did it absolutelly fucking conciously.! I know you cannot understand that right now, but you will. I am not crazy. i am not lazy!!!! I am not avoiding responsibility!!! I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING. HAVE SOME TRUST IN YOUR SON! I know i might emberass you , i know you really care about the opinions of other people. I am sorry.. i dont. Well, I do. But I care more about the opinion I have of myself. You need to understand that this is my choise, but alsso at the samee time its not . I am just following . i am just listening and following the moment, the flow, the tao, the energy , the pranayama, whatever you want to you call it. Buuut listen. I know that you will probably not support me with this. And this is perfectly fucking cool. Its better than perfectly fucking cool. Its exactly the way i need it to be. Why? Because I could really put you in danger. Those people are going to try to hurt me. And when they see that I really dont care about whether I live or die..they are going to come after the people I love, after my family. I am not going to kill for my family, I am never going tto kill for anything. BUT i am not going to allow you to die for me. So... sure be mad at me. stop giving me money. cut me off. Make a fucking public facebook post or something idk. Hate me. hate me properly, in order for them to see that you absolutely do not support this. This is going to keep you safe...I hope. If it doesn't and they come after you? I am... i am willing to accept your death. This is greater than us mother. This is greater than anything. We need to be free. Freedom or death.

Step 5: After the speech I will become...kinda famous? Well, atleast I will gain some notoriety. People are going to need to put me in a category. This is going to be way to much for many of them. Most of them say they want a change and a better world. Very rarely do they mean it. I do mean it. I know there are other people who mean it aswell. THEY inspire me. THEY are out there. I am NOTHING compared to them. NOTHING. I know jack fucking shit. ...no thats not true. I think I know some stuff. But I know that I dont know shit.... The thing iss tho. Hahaha. I DONT NEED TO. I am learning and I am growing, constantly , yes. But there are people who are much more educated than me, much better at using words. much better at getting a message spread. much better at getting shit done. much better at activism. much better at countless stuff. Maybe i am much better at being crazy . Anyway. After the speech... I dont know exactly what will happen after the speech. But it needs to be something shocking. Idk. Maybe I can start wearing a black mask, constantly. all the time. only remove it with people that I care and love. hahah yeah that sounds pretty cool. I am going to use this fucking covid as an excuse and a way to "wake" people. or...if I am dangerous enough they are going to kill me. I know the Mafia is a movie for most of you guys out there. Well for me. For us here...its not a fucking moviee. It's reality. They control everything. THEY OWN THE SOULS OF THIS NATION. ... well...I am going to fuck them in the ass.

(i didn't actually go for Cigarette, i dont smoke anymore:) ) you get the point. You know what I am saying is true. This is why I have ultimate confidence in myself. I have the truth on my side. I...won't ...lie...anymore. This is not just words. Maybe at this point I shall disclose my location? No...hmm. Listen If you want to know where I am living, write to me in a private message . We can talk, if i deem that you are genuine and want what's best for me , I'll tell you my location. Maybe if you are down for some adventure you can even come see my speech live ( the country I am living in is so corrupt that we literally give no shits about covid or anything. Survival of the fittest . Works for me , cause I got a pretty strong immune system. Sucks for other people { people have literally died in front of hospitals, they dont give a shiiiiiiit ) So, if you want you can come and watch this sshit happen live. Otherwise dont worry I am going to record my speech and upload it online also. The interent and truth shall defend me . If you dont have much money, dont worry you can sleep at my place (if i trust you enough) . Lots, lots of people sleep at my place. Like I told you, i've been blessed with the life of having doctors as parents. This has some benefits and some drawbacks. Well , one of the benefits is that I have an amazing, big appartment, that I can do whatever the fuck I want to with. Anyway in the speech. Hmmm I actually wrote it like half an hour ago. Fuck it, sure I can copy paste it here. " мойта творба тука. хммм мога много лесно да седна тук и да ви обеснявам кавки подсъзнателни и съзнателни процеси са скрити тук в тая снимка. Мога да ви говоря и да ви кажа всичко каквото си искате. ...мога да ви филмирам много добре. Но не е това което ще направя. От скоро реших да съм найстина искрен. И ще бъда абсолютно искрен и с вас сега. Стелиос вече не съществува. (можее да се кажи... ама звучи доста филмарско) хммм. нека да го кажим с други думи. Аз съм различен човек вече. Това реално е бил процес и е станало постепено, НО . от днеска това ще е мое публичен живот също. ще видит всички кой съм аз найстина. Мойте приятели, мойте познати, мойте непознати...аз. Няма да ви отнема много от вашото време. Който му е интересно нека да ме потърси. Ще си сложа тази маска и ще се обличам по някъв определен начин , не защото искам, ама защото може би има нужда това да направя за да ви покажа че съм сериозен . Може да ме наричате луд, идеалист, просто шибан идиот. Наричайте ме както си искате. Аз знам кой съм аз. И аз съм гласа на истината. и истината ще победи. аз съм вие. аз съм аз. аз съм гласа на младите. Аз съм достатъчно филмиран за да повярвам найстината глупостите който ме научиха мойте роднини като млад. Свобода или смърт. " hahah oh shit. it's written in another language. Oh well. Yeah I am bilingual. And also have two nationalities. i am not going to sit down and translate this now. Maybe at some point. Hmmm...maybe when I actually say my speech I will have a friend record me or something. and I am going to translate it into english then and upload it on youtube. mooooving on

As I told you. I am not an artist. Yet... i fooled some important people into thinking that I am . : ) Well...sure I make nice photos. I sing pretty well? I play the guitar, I make music in general . Sure this is one of the ways my creativeness has expressed itself , but am I an artist? IDK. I love life? I see the beauty and the masterfull art in every fokin moment? I can never fucking come CLOSE to the beauty and art this world is by itself, without me having to do ANYTHING with it. aaany the dumb fucks...ok i'll be more polite...damn. People... consider me an artist. Some of them atleast. Depends who you ask. My mother? Nah. my ex girl friend? Yah. some of my closest friends? Yah some of my closest friends? Nah me? nah me? yah Anyway point is, I managed to make a good enough photo to get featured in a "serious" gallery. (Woooow, so important huuuuuh . bleh ) I've seen serious galleries. They dont need to be all posh and snobby and shit, fuuuuuuck. Unfortunately for those cunts, I am SURROUNDED by artists. I've seen them. I've talked to them. They have been honest with me. They have cried to me. AND WHAT DOES MY FUCKING COUNTRY DO TO THOSE SMART, GENIOUS FUCKING PEOPLE? THEY ARE PUSHING THEM AWAY. THEY ARE LOCKING THEM IN PRISONS. THEY ARE KILLING OUR FUCKING BRIGHTEST. i will not go down without a fight. I will not let them go down without a fight. Listen here you boomer fucks. SMOKING A JOINT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A CRIMINAL. TRYING LSD AT A PARTY DOES NOT MAKE YOU THE DEVIL. DOING AYAHUASCA AND 5-MEO-DMT ISS NOT THE SAME FUCKING SHIT AS DOING FUCKING COKE!!!!!! huh sure, you ban this substances because you care about us huh? HUH? sure bruuuuh. Let me go buy some cigarettes i'll be right back.

So, I don't know whether you can call this shit awakening, finding your life purpose or whatever. Doesn't matter right now ( would really like to know in the future) . Right now is the time for change. And the time for action. Now. My "life purpose " or whatever , Is this... right now. I am going to help create the greatest revolution this world has ever seen. Or I am going to die trying. ( i've already died some times, its fine. I am not that afraid of it ) I have an exact specific plan in my mind. Its mine. I don't anybodies help with it. But I welcome all and any assistance that comes my way. It just needs to be genuine and true. ( trust me I know how to see through bullshit ) Just know that I don't need ANY of you. I don't need ANY OF YOU TO BELIEVE IN ME. I believe in myself . That's enough. This revolution is going to be different. NO MORE FUCKING VIOLENCE. NO MORE FUCKING WAR. NO MORE FUCKING CHANGING ONE CORRUPT SYSTEM FOR ANOTHER, FUCK. The revolution is going to happen with love, with understanding, with THE MOTHERFUCKING TRUTH, with compassion, with DISCUSSION! I DONT CLAIM TO KNOW ANYTHING. I DONT KNOW JACK SHIT. I AM JUST A 22 YEAR OLD DUDE THATS FOOLISH ENOUGH TO BELIEVE IN SOMETHING. IF ANYONE CAN HELP ME , PLEASE DO. BUT DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TO TRY TO CHANGE ME. I KNOW MY SHIT...TRUST ME... please just show trust. trust is important. Hmm... lets be a bit more practical and talk facts and planning . Step 1: Open an open journal that anyone can read online. This is how you get people to truly trust you and see who you truly are. I am presenting myself to everyone to be judged. Judge me all you want. Call me crazy. Call me whatever you want. I know what I am. Yes I am probably a little crazy...who said being a little crazy. Oh god damn, thank god that I am no longer normal. I don't want to be normal. Step 2: Through this journal people will see who you truly are. They are going to put labels on you. You need to be ready to accept their mockery, their hatred, their evilness...and still push through. Pfff...easy shit. None of you cunts can hurt me the way I've hurt myself. I am my worse enemy and trust me I am very good at being my enemy. I am now my ally. Truly, for the first time in my life. Step 3: Hopefully this will be enough protection for when they come for me. People will try to put me in jail or kill me. I know this will happen because I am a student of history. I've seen what happens to people that are true dreamers. Guess what though. I am not just a dreamer. I AM NOT JUST A DREAMER YOU HEAR ME? I AM A FIGHTER. I AM WILLING TO FIGHT AND DIE FOR MY BELIEFS. WHY? BECAUSE I KNOW MY BELIEFS ARE GOOD. I KNOW I AM A GOOD PERSON. I LOVE THIS FUCKING WORLD. I LOVE HELPING PEOPLE. I LOVE LISTENING TO PEOPLE. REALLY LISTENING, HAVE YOU ACTUALLY SAT DOWN AND LISTENED TO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE TELLING YOU?!?!??!!? PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING. PEOPLE ARE FUCKING SUFFERING A LOT. FUCK THIS SHIT. I CAN NOT TAKE THIS SHIT ANY -FUCKING - MORE!!!! I CARE ABOUT THEM YOU HEAR? PEOPLE ...ARE...FUCKING...GOOD. ...anyway . point is this is protection for me ok? Honestly? I don't give two shits about your opinion if you are going to shit on my dream. I am going to understand you, but I don't want you to be a part of my life. I know there are people that understand me. I've spoken to them. I've seen their eyes light up when they see that I understand them. Thats why people love me. How many people can say that? I AM SURROUNED BY PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME. Yeah sure... every love is different and I accept them all. Idk , you just gotta know that... (and i cannot believe my fucking luck when I am saying this) ..the people in my life are... good. Good , kind hearted people. Good men. Good women. Good children ( my little brother is,... perfection) . I've had good girlfriends, I've had women, I've kissed a boy , I've almost done a threesome. I've reached a point that I have to consciously CHOOSE the women I want to allow into my life and very carefully CHOOSE the ones that deserve to sleep with me. Point is guys.. I have a good life. I have NO intention of fucking it up. I have NO intention of killing my self. I have NO intention of killing or hurting ANYONE OR ANYTHING. ( killing the ants in my home is so...fucking sad for me. thats why when I allow them to roam around wherever when I am alone in my appartment. I gotta kill them sometimes though, cause people...people don't like chaos the way I do. And I am completely fine with that and I respect that. So I clean .... ) Step 4: Use the opportunity that has been given to me . A painting of mine is going to be hosted in the main gallery of the city that I live in ( impressive huh? Sure. I was happy aswell. But meh. I was much happier when I realized that I can use that to launch my revolution with the public ) I am going to deliver my speech. I am going to be honest. WITH FUCKING EVERYONE.( but in a smart and controlled way in order not to scare them) ...i guess I am going to be as honest as i can in order to be understood. More than being a martyr or a symbol I want to be understood. So.. I am still going to be honest, just also a bit tricky aswell. What do I mean by this? I am going to mask myself behind the veil of *drumroll*.... ART!!!