Miguel1

Amazing job. Keep going. Take all the small wins to get into action taking momentum. Try not to discriminate who to talk to. It can be guy, girl, old, young, ugly, good looking - doesnt matter. Just get yourself into a momentum of socializing with people in general. Be a fun, social guy. Not a creepy hawk. As you get more into that social and fun mood, then you can be more picky as to who to approach. But be careful that you fall back into judgmental mode of who to approach and fall back into excuse making momentum again. Especially as a newbie. —- Here’s a technique for you to ease off your fear of approaching and fear in the club in general: Count from 15 to 0 and by the time you hit 0, approach someone. Doesnt matter who. —- Finally, Oh god dammit this real time reporting reminds me of my early days over 10 years ago. Getting that world war 2 flashbacks lol. I guarantee if you stick to this and keep going out and learn the skill with patience, you’ll learn to have a ton of fun going out and you’ll learn to be very charismatic. My nights out nowadays are almost like straight from movies. It’s a whole trip. And oh yeah, girls dont give a fuck if you are ten years older than them. As long as you dont make it weird.

Leo’s ”lower” vibe reminds me of when I start detaching myself from a situation / project / x. When I no longer try. Or at least try that hard. When I no longer am invested. Or at least that invested anymore. In his case, it seems like he has come to more acceptance about people’s changing behavior. I mean he no longer tries nearly as hard to get people to understand something. And to change. He is no longer nearly as invested. He doesn’t care nearly as much anymore. Much more acceptance about people’s nature. You could perhaps say this healthier version of Yellow. Or deeply integrated yellow. This results in much less HOT / CHILI PEPPER passion in vibe but much more maturity in behavior. I recognize this shift because I’ve had to do it a lot in my own passions and life as well. Being an extroverted ENFJ, I deal with people a lot, have too much empathy and love to help people way too much. But have had to come to painful acceptances.

Alright. Personally, I find his clothing style in his videos mostly as playful & a little bit of color to the landscape, rather than over-dressing. But maybe I am biased, since he has, as you have too, deeply changed my life too many times. I don't myself dress like him. I dress more classy with street mixed. Classy Streetwear is properly the right term. But yeah, I wouldn't look at Owen weird in his clothes. Perhaps I am just too used to his clothing style from the countless hours I've watched him lol. Sometimes he uses bomber jackets but I don't think they are over-dressing either. At least not the one he uses. But I grew up in the hip-hop dance community, so these street clothes were the shit for me and I will always have a sweet spot for them, even if I have now kinda grown out of them.

I see. Nice viewpoint / angle to look at his style / game. Ironic because he is all about being playful, letting go, letting loose, fooling around and not supplicating & qualifying himself. But at the same time, if you truly don't care, why not sometimes or even more regularly dress however the hell you want, for fun, for your own amusement, as you do too Leo. But I don't hang out with Owen. I don't know his dressing style really, how often he over-dresss etc.

From what I understand, he is deliberately trying to put himself into a category of one by niching himself down as much as possible. So it will look weird for a bunch of people but a percentage will love it. Because he knows he cannot compete on looks. He cannot compete with the ''normies'' who optimize looks & dressing according to the beauty standards. He has no chance of competing with the Apple Watch, so he markets himself as the ''Rolex''. Bonus: when he doesn't come across as this normie well-dressed ''high-value man'', girls don't react to him in a typical manner either. In this way, he immediately disqualifies himself as boyfriend material and sets himself as the fun-lover frame, which is ideal for both getting quick sex, and also developing a relationship afterwards.

Second this. Anyways it develops your character the most. And having the skills to make friends with complete strangers anywhere you go is a very valuable skills to have.

How are you doing with your adventure?

I understand how you feel. I used to be very similar. I tried very hard. I tried 3 months of purely meditation and limited human contact. But eventually I had to come back. I then just came to accept it as necessity part of the adventure of human life, which includes the need for food, sleep etc. as well. I’m sure there are a rare few who can actually skip or limit socialization very much. But I would also argue that some people who supposedly ”dont need socialization at all / need just a bit”, are just very unskilled at it and it’s easier to accept it than go through the pain of learning the skill. And the same case was with me. I had periods where I was very against socialization but looking back, mostly it was simply because I didn’t know how to have fun, be charismatic and make friends. And so, perhaps if you also had a ton of fun (it’s a skill to let go of our seriousness, and tap into the fooling around part of ourselves - especially since we are so serious and logical on actualized), while socializing - maybe you would also enjoy it much more 😊

Sure, of course. Feel free to talk with me privately if talking here feels too public.

You need to take the pressure off of you by approaching everyone in general. Don't be so judgemental as to who you are approaching. Approach the guys and the girls you don't find sexually attractive as well. Just be social and nice to them. This will build good social flow and momentum with which it is much easier to then go approach the girls you find attractive and want to have a more sexual interaction with.

It's a matter of balance and finding the sweet spot. Being spoiled also stunts development.

I change dramatically every year. I barely recognize myself looking back a year ago.

What are you trying to say with this? That is great! Good to hear.

Then you are doing things wrong Carry it only in the first minutes but then you gotta also know how to prompt and encourage them to engage back with you. My interactions usually ends up with them talking like 70% of the time or even 80%, after the initial phase of me carrying the convo. Also, there are some girls who simply are not interested and you gotta also know signs of these girls and stop wasting time with them.

Second this. I have also gone out on and off for 10+ years, approached too many thousands of girls to count - all sober. I remember like one occasion I bought a drink for me and my cousin.

I'm not denying that it would work. But there certainly is more risk at play vs just going out to meet girls outside your work. Especially if you are not yet very charming and skillful, you may end up doing some really uncalibrated stuff, which can get you into serious trouble with your income. When it comes to bars, working in bars is more sexual by default so it's more easier and natural to end up hooking up vs as a barber. ---- ... Wait a minute... I just realized that OP was about BARTENDER - and not BARBER. Silly me, sorry. English is not my first language. Hahaha I'm laughing at myself. --- Okay in that case it's probably a good idea, lol. Because it probably doesn't take nearly as much time to train to become a bartender vs a barber. The downside is that you don't have free nights to actually go out and approach girls and more importantly, practice the skill. All that being said, I still do think this should just be a temporary solution. 1. Your work and life purpose should not be optimized to get girls. 2. It's good for you to eventually learn how to Cold approach girls as a man, without being dependent on crutches.

It's not so black and white. Mashlow's hierarcy of needs. Personally, I believe I am getting better results socially and dating wise, precisely because I have some sort of a connection to Presence and Source. But if you had told the young version of me to go hard into connecting with Source, he wouldnt have done it, simply because he had other things (dating) that were so much more interesting.

Why don't you go out to the nightlife to meet girls instead? Sounds like a huge hassle to get a career just to meet girls. And just overall your work and life purpose should not be optimized to get girls... Also, there is the whole wisdom of not shitting you where you eat.

1. Dating coaches can only do so much. Most of the change must come from you. 2. For you to even be open-minded for dating coaches, you would have to do some quite painful acceptances of your own short-comings. It is much easier to keep blaming and complaining to get the cheap dopamine 3. A lot of dating coaches either teach unhealthy stuff and / or are untrustworthy.

This whole thing would require me to dive much deeper into contemplation, which I don't have time for now. But where my first intuition and thoughts are: there are lots of manipulative people out there. They would sneak their way into all sorts of abusive stuff. Also, this whole system rewards the majority of guys who are way too weak and low in character development to deserve something like this. Sex is an exchange of value. It is a matter of survival. We shouldnt go rewarding all these incels, black pillers and red pillers for their behaviour. Finally, frankly I dont think that the majority of girls (especially on the top half in quality) would even be attracted to majority of the guys so this wouldn't even work. Probably would shove into these guys' face even more as to how unwanted they are - which can lead to all sorts of resentment, hatred, rebellions and violence.

I would say that they are more on the introverted, shy, and closed-off side, compared to the rest of the world. But the good thing is that so are the guys here so there is not much competition at all. You need to generally carry the conversation more in the beginning (compared to the rest of the world) but after that, things are much easier due to the fact that there is not much competition. But they are really beautiful girls, white-skinned blondes everywhere. Where are you from and how are the girls there? And welcome to the community!

Sit with the pain, cry it out. Feel it. Then let it move through your body and out of your body. It's good to know that it's just an imbalanced chemical reaction and will eventually balance out if you just allow it and won't make it worse. And give yourself time. It may take weeks, may take months. And once you feel ready, definitely start taking action in going out and meeting new women to remind yourself that there are amazing women out there for you in abundance!

''If only the top 20% of men are attractive to women, what are the 80% doing?'' Making excuses not to develop the skill required of course.

This is not a black or white thing. You can definitely interrupt. But it has to be calibrated and mostly done in a subtle way.

You can definitely have sex with a new person, that is utterly shallow. I've had plenty of those sex and frankly, they bore me to death nowadays. --- Free sex is not a good thing in my opinion in the big picture - at least not in the age we live in. It would be abused way too much by fucked up people.