Miguel1

The reasoning behind that is ”shallow connection” is better than no connection. As I said, my natural extrovertness craves socializing and intimacy with other humans. It’s hard to be a loner. The other reasoning is that I’m happy with someone I can be mostly authentic with, I don’t expect 100% as that is unrealistic.

Depends on what you mean by spiritual, I would say zero. I don’t even know where I would bump into them, other than retreats, which would not be a place to meet women.

@Zenterus To me, it seems like you are the only few here who actually understands what it takes to go out there to meet random people. Being 100% authentic is social suicide in most social situations (especially if you are deep into spirituality and self-actualization). As you said, you will alienate 99%+ people. And overall, I agree with you. That is what must be done. That’s why I also don’t optimize my IG for max stage orange girls. I have slow art, and art that requires you to be able to feel deep. I write pholosophical texts. Texts that asks you to reflect on your selfishness and biases. All this is to screen for the few rare individuals who actually resonates. So I agree with you. That being said, it is hard to accept that and be so alone. Which is what I am struggling with. I am being vulnerable and humble by admitting all this here, yet I get attacked with ”you think you are superior, better than others”, which I find weird. Kinda disappointing to be honest. Also, this thread wasn’t just about me, as I made it very clear, yet many of you are just making this about me and my ”superiority complex”.

@Jirh I stand my ground. Your view of the world, survival, and human relationships is quite lacking in my opinion. Of course I have tried to do 100% authenticity plenty of times, that’s why I know it doesn’t work. As long as you are a wage slave, it is VERY hard to have a truly 100% ethical job. Studying the work here on Actualized.org should make this quite obvious.

@Jirh Thanks for your input. But I don’t think you actually read what I have been sharing. It’s been very clear in my opinion: I have deep social and intimacy needs as an exteovert, but I find the social games required for it to be ingenuine and fake. This is the dilemma I am struggling with. It is almost like you are forced to work for Coca Cola for survival, but their values are completely against yours.

Yes, please. And in general, in terms of psychological, spiritual, emotional and moral development (Spiral Dynamics is a model that takes all this into a simpler model tough) This is something I notice in myself very clearly: The more I grow and mature, the less purely physical looks is enough for me to be attracted enough. And the more maturity, wisdom and intelligent become attractive in a person. Most girls in mainstream culture are stuck in orange, and my mind literally is repulsed by that. Their physical looks do draw me to talk with them somewhat. But never enough for me to actually be fully drawn to them. Green girls are doable. Healthy ones. The unhealthy ones are awful.

Absolutely correct. Opportunity cost, missed opportunity..

Yes, this! Not mentioned enough, whenever social circle is brought up.

I am an ENFJ. We have a deeper side to us, more reflective that comes online more with maturity. This side functions like an introvert. As for social games and manipulations, I’m talking something meta here. Human games are not truthful, no matter how extroverted you are. Literally every other blogpost Leo talks about this directly or indirectly.

That is beautifully reframed, thank you. I will contemplate it.

And what are you doing? Honestly, I am considering just straight up putting you into the mute list, if that is allowed. If it’s okay for you, please let this go. You already said what you needed to say, me too.

Same. That being said, many will never move on from that hotness. I personally got tired from it quite fast.

Authentic here? Or authentic socializing? Here I am being 100% authentic. 100% authentic with normies is a social suicide, as leo made a blogpost about recently. I try to be as authentic as possible but there is no way I can be 100% authentic. Perhaps 75-85% max.

Thank you.

@UnbornTao Again, I am not sure what is the problem. The idea of this forum is to live, learn and share experiences and lessons, and to discuss them. This is what I am struggling with at the moment and I am being vulnerable here with you guys, just for you to come play smartass with me. It’s alright, we do not need to continue our discussion. Thanks for your input.

Dating a girl, who requires you to offer her a great lifestyle / social circle, no matter how hot she is, is exhausting and unaligned with what I really want. And seems like that is what Valach also shares. There’s other things / highers things in life than dating the hottest girls.

This week I bumped into a new word: ”intellectual intimacy”. For me, that’s what I have always longed for in relationships. It’s extremely hard for me to be happy in a relationship, if we only explore physical and emotional intimacy, but not intellectual / mind intimacy, where two minds meet and explore together. It feels lacking, shallow and fairly lonely, if there is not the last layer. And we don’t need to agree on everything. Simply the openmindedness, the ability to think nuances and big picture, the ability to be in touch with Spirituality and discuss it. The more I mature, the more it feels like a prerequisite.

Hope you got back home safely

I don’t remember you being this hard to talk with, just about a year ago. I wonder what shifted in you. Anyway, I don’t think I ever expressed that I am somehow holier than socializing. On the other than, I have said multiple times that I need socializing and intimacy.

It seems go to in phases. I worked a lot in the winter, got tired and had to take a break. Started socializing a ton and now I am getting tired of all the social shenanigans. Perhaps I will take some time to do spiritual work, before getting back to work.

I appreciate that in you. And yes, sounds like Ulax needs to do that and exhaust it out of his system. I remember at my peak, doing it so much that it turned repetitive, boring and mechnical to the point I wasn’t even feeling her sexually anymore, as it was just ”work” for me.

Yes, at the same time, as you said, you have Todd’s program but not my suggested style’s program. So perhap’s that’s why. But perhaps it’s simply because people are wired differently. I would be lying if I said that one approach works best for everyone. As a way to measure how efficient your approach is, how much are you going out / approaching girls, and what are your results in terms of getting dates and sex?

Great to hear, thanks for sharing!

I have a bunch of friends, lots of them girls, they give me a ton of social proof. But to manage all of that requires a lot of manuevering and mind games. I am not deep down happy because it goes against my highest values, which is honesty, truth, integrity. So yes, the happiness is short-lived. It’s fun for a while but not deeply fulfilling. Also, I can’t see it being sustainable, so it feels like a whole lotta waste of time. I will lose / let go of this social circle that I have built sooner or later. And sooner than later, as my focus is on way higher things than playing social games.

I agree. But at the same time it is not easy to be completely okay with something that is like a basic need. It’s almost like saying: ”as long as you are okay with not having any money, then money will come!”