Miguel1

By keeping things superficial as hell, like most people do.

@Xonas Pitfall The question here is not whether it is wrong or not (morally, ethically). The question is should you? What benefits? What could you lose?

There is always an agenda, whether it is fun or something else.

Keep in mind most of this is something new I am experimenting with currently. Or let’s say the past 10 months on and off. The truth is, if you want to maximize ”dating results”, you should not be this hardcore. But I am not interested in that. I am interested in finding real people who have done the heavy inner work, has deep self-awareness and has nothing to hide. I want realness. I am completely tired and exhausted from games and manipulations. Truth is one of my top values, if not the top. So yes, all of this is really trying to decondition my PUA paradigm, and more. I want to understand and practice Conscious Dating. Something not discussed here really. I seem to be the only one to push it. Even such an important topic, but Leo hasn’t made a video on it in all these years. - - - - - If during any given night, I just want pussy, do I push this? Hell no. I turn into a player.

It’s good you challenge me, do not feel like I don’t appreciate them. Especially as your approach is mature and calm. I very much respect that. I am not concerned with things taking too long. Just from my own contemplation, if you are actually serious about finding a life partner, why take so long before showing who you really are? I have personally not much to hide. And I am working on having even less to hide. I come from something called conscious selling. In one hour or sales call, we get the other person to open up about all their deepest pain and fears with powerful questions (I call it simply honest conversation), in a way nobody has come close to doing so for them, and they basically make a decision to pay thousands of dollars within an hour. That’s how real the conversations needs to be. Why not? If you are not looking for a life partner, then do not waste my time. The only difference between dating and conscious sales is that there’s noticeably more flirting, fun, and laughter in dating. But even flirting is done in a much more direct way than what we are used to in the mainstream. I don’t fuck around.

@KosmicGeng With you, I am not sure what do you mean by half the things you say. I don’t do dating apps. I only meet girls IRL. During those meetings, it can last from 5 min to many hours. I get a very good sense of what they are about, if we spend many hours together. Then if I go on a date with them, I further get to know them. How she thinks, how her humour works, how she carries herself, how healed she is, what is approx her maturity level etc. I don’t see a reason why would I need multiple dates to decide if I just want to focus on getting to know this girl. Some people date multiple people for months before dropping everyone else and just focusing on one (not commitment yet - just purely getting to know). How do you have resources, time and energy, to get to know many people at once, on a deep level, and remember everything? I would need an excel for it.

I am also slow to warm up. But precisely that’s why let us not fool around too much, otherwise it will take forever.

Make this your Journal, so you don’t end up making 100 different threads in a month. This all sounds like fun and games socializing, and it is good for starters, but remember that this is not really game yet. You need to get something concrete out of it, like a number or instagram, or pull, otherwise it leads nowhere as you said.

@Natasha Tori Maru You are correct. This is exactly what is happening, I am very well aware of it, and that I am doing it. Yet, at the same time I see no real counter-arguments for me to actually stop and prope further. Mostly what I hear is exactly just pre-existing frames, defenses and projections. No new information being presented. The whole idea of this thread and every last one of my threads is just to tackle the same problem, from different angles — to see if they inspire new perspectives, challenges and arguments. I want to be challenged, yet most of the challenges thrown at me are kinda silly.

Those shy type of girls are the wildest when they are comfortable letting loose. As for your situation, what makes it way less bad is that you didn’t have sex with her. But yeah, you did lead her on pretty hard and now she is overly excited about you. Wheb you reject her, there will be a very strong RAS flip, for her to feel better about herself. This is why I advocate very hard for conscious dating based on full truth, honesty, authenticity and vulnerability — from the get go.

Read the damn opener

@something_else Your dates lasts 30 min?

By definition, these are not my people. I don’t want to fuck around. Yet, getting to know each other seriously doesn’t have to have zero fun in it. I fucking love it and enjoy it deeply when my date is highly self-aware. There will be a bunch of laughter too, just not the main thing. Why are they mutually exclusive?

The opposite actually. This reeks of self-confidence. The whole PUA paradigm of having to spin multiple girls at once to feel abundance, comes from insecurity deep down. And it is just conformity. But what I am suggesting here needs to be transcended through the PUA abundance mindset. I am criticizing your mindset from above, not below. To me, you seem like you are needy, cuz you can’t fucking be confident without having a ton of girls validating you. A truly secure man does not need multiple girls to feel secure.

@Jirh Too loose. You are not serious about finding a compatible partner. The goal is to find out about compatibility fast. Not slow. Not fuck around and find out. Simply find out.

@Jirh You are going at it with backwards mindset. It’s not that they owe you anything. It’s that you WANT them to align deeply with you.

Real authenticity cannot be performative, by definition. You can perform authenticity, but that’s fake.

@Jirh Friends you can have multiple. A life partner you can have one, and the goal is to have them with you until death.

Taking things slow

@Natasha Tori Maru I am not talking about commitment yet, hence the thread title. Simply the getting to know each other phase. Do you want to get to know 5 people at once? Or just one?

You can def go WAY deeper than what is the norm. And especially than what is pushed in PUA. Last evening I had a first date with a girl for 5 hours. I got quite a strong sense of what she is about. But she is way more self-aware than a typical person, otherwise it would not have been possible. Otherwise I would not have gone on a date with her. This whole notion of having to take things very slow, and keep it light and playful in the beginning is a total conformity. And a total waste of time.

Because you are playing around and taking it too lightly. Find out about her soul in the first few dates and it won’t have to take so long.

Instead of Frame Controlling, you should have a Strong Frame. It’s very different. The former is try-hard, the latter is strenght.

The other way of saying this is: Play to win, not to not lose.

I’m sick of hearing this social circle strategy as being the solution to all dating problems. It is not. Nor do many people have interest in wasting so much time and energy on it. Also, for introverts it ill be much trickier.