Miguel1

To deny that my psychological and spiritual development is miles ahead of an average 25 year old girl in the mainstream space, would be untruthful. Why would we be interested in that?

All I did was, I had a low moment, was vulnerable, and expressed here, hoping to have some support and mutual thoughts. Instead, I got labelled a bunch of times as egotistical, superior, and now victimhood. But a few people showed me real support. The people who actually goes out, has done the work and the approaches, and actually knows how empty it can become to meet so many people, yet connecting with none; just pushing their unconscious buttons to get reactions out of them.

@zurew When you approach 50 000 people, and still don’t find your people, perhaps you’ll know what I mean then.

@integral I agree with you that one of the main functions of a relationship is to grow together. I notice that I get bored the moment I am no longer challenged in the relationship. The issue is then you will make your partner feel extremely unloved, when you push them to grow. This is not sustainable and I learned it the hard way. The real solution is to find a partner who has a natural desire to grow, and to explore the topics and to do the work we do here. But this is extremely rare, if you also need them to be youthful and fairly physically attractive. I am still quite young and very youthful, so I find it hard to be attracted to older people, where it would be easier to find what I am looking for. One of the downsides of this work is you outgrow everyone around you, by miles. And no, this is not being egotistical. It is being truthful, if you actually do this work seriously.

Why are you up

Think of it this way: Would you date and invest a HUGE chunk of your life, energy, time and resources into building a relationship with a stage red person? If yes, why? If not, why not? I personally would not because our values and the way we go about life, raising children, living our happiest lives, would be way too different. With an orange person, it would be less different, but still quite different. With a green person, it would be even less different, but still different, altho it should be doable. Would I be the happiest? Probably not. But with someone who holds similar values to me, loves exploring spirituality, truth, big picture, critical thinking and systems thinking? I would enjoy the hell out of it. This is also a person I can actually rely on, whenever I have a low moment in life. With a less psychologically developed person / more unconscious, I wouldn’t necessarily be able to rely on, simply because they are way more stuck in survival. Is this me being superior? Or is this just a neutral fact?

Beautifully said.

People are wired differently. I am wired to need intellectual intimacy as well. I get bored really fast in a relationship if we can’t explore ideas and thoughts together. But she doesn’t need to be my copycat in her thoughts. Just open-minded and wise enough to discuss deeper, more complex topics too. That’s very important to making me feel like she is my partner.

I think there is a thread about this that was created recently.

What is this passive-aggressive language? Just say what you want to say, there is no need to play games here. It’s amazing how much theory you guys come up with about my situation and my ego. All I am looking for is a hot spiritual witch, and you behave like I am pretending to be a guru.

It’s spiritual naivety to think that this work isn’t lonely. There is a reason most people don’t do this work.

Thanks for sharing

I don’t think many of them are beating around the bush. It’s mostly quite directly communicated. But none of them has yet to say how exactly is my ego behaving in such a way. And neither have you, which makes me question the point of you bringing it up. I see a pattern though: the few people here who can relate and agree with me, are people who actually go out and approach.

@Wilhelm44 Finland. Hippies for example. Spirituality without proper responsibility is just escapism.

Yeah, museums are quite boring. I don’t live in the US, I live in the Northern Europe, spirituality is not very big here. And the spiritual events I’ve been to, I find a lot of bypassers there.

It’s not like these authentically spiritual women (not spiritual by-passers) are everywhere. I don’t bump into them anywhere really but perhaps I need to stop doing nightlife and go to art galleries and museums instead.

The reasoning behind that is ”shallow connection” is better than no connection. As I said, my natural extrovertness craves socializing and intimacy with other humans. It’s hard to be a loner. The other reasoning is that I’m happy with someone I can be mostly authentic with, I don’t expect 100% as that is unrealistic.

Depends on what you mean by spiritual, I would say zero. I don’t even know where I would bump into them, other than retreats, which would not be a place to meet women.

@Zenterus To me, it seems like you are the only few here who actually understands what it takes to go out there to meet random people. Being 100% authentic is social suicide in most social situations (especially if you are deep into spirituality and self-actualization). As you said, you will alienate 99%+ people. And overall, I agree with you. That is what must be done. That’s why I also don’t optimize my IG for max stage orange girls. I have slow art, and art that requires you to be able to feel deep. I write pholosophical texts. Texts that asks you to reflect on your selfishness and biases. All this is to screen for the few rare individuals who actually resonates. So I agree with you. That being said, it is hard to accept that and be so alone. Which is what I am struggling with. I am being vulnerable and humble by admitting all this here, yet I get attacked with ”you think you are superior, better than others”, which I find weird. Kinda disappointing to be honest. Also, this thread wasn’t just about me, as I made it very clear, yet many of you are just making this about me and my ”superiority complex”.

@Jirh I stand my ground. Your view of the world, survival, and human relationships is quite lacking in my opinion. Of course I have tried to do 100% authenticity plenty of times, that’s why I know it doesn’t work. As long as you are a wage slave, it is VERY hard to have a truly 100% ethical job. Studying the work here on Actualized.org should make this quite obvious.

@Jirh Thanks for your input. But I don’t think you actually read what I have been sharing. It’s been very clear in my opinion: I have deep social and intimacy needs as an exteovert, but I find the social games required for it to be ingenuine and fake. This is the dilemma I am struggling with. It is almost like you are forced to work for Coca Cola for survival, but their values are completely against yours.

Yes, please. And in general, in terms of psychological, spiritual, emotional and moral development (Spiral Dynamics is a model that takes all this into a simpler model tough) This is something I notice in myself very clearly: The more I grow and mature, the less purely physical looks is enough for me to be attracted enough. And the more maturity, wisdom and intelligent become attractive in a person. Most girls in mainstream culture are stuck in orange, and my mind literally is repulsed by that. Their physical looks do draw me to talk with them somewhat. But never enough for me to actually be fully drawn to them. Green girls are doable. Healthy ones. The unhealthy ones are awful.

Absolutely correct. Opportunity cost, missed opportunity..

Yes, this! Not mentioned enough, whenever social circle is brought up.

I am an ENFJ. We have a deeper side to us, more reflective that comes online more with maturity. This side functions like an introvert. As for social games and manipulations, I’m talking something meta here. Human games are not truthful, no matter how extroverted you are. Literally every other blogpost Leo talks about this directly or indirectly.