Miguel1

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Posts posted by Miguel1

  3. Posted · Edited by Miguel1

    I was in a festival going fucking wild and a friend was recording me dancing and getting approached by a hottie :P

    Happens sometimes but I am never recorded. This is your lucky once in a lifetime to witness it!

    Notice how I immediately flirt with her by raising my glasses up, look her seductively in the eye & start playing with her hair (in a split second), and of course post it on IG for massive social proof. This is game at highest level. Maximum fun & maximum girls.

    https://www.instagram.com/stories/miguetran/3964978634141394542?utm_source=ig_story_item_share&igsh=MW12Y2YxczE3ZDc2eg==

    - - - - -

    Btw. I am gonna start playing the IG game properly. In 6 hours I will post a video from a dance battle that is most definitely going viral as hell. From the initial boost, I will create my career in arts and dance therapy / healing.

    Come follow the journey!

  6. Posted

    15 minutes ago, something_else said:

    Small talk is important. Yes, it can be boring and superficial but it acts as a social lubricant towards deeper questions. You can’t just jump straight into the deepest questions. It requires build up. As Natasha said, on a first date small talk acts as a proxy for a person’s deeper attributes without creating a ton of tension.

    In a long term relationship, small talk lets you figure out each other’s energy and mood on a daily basis, and it shows you care about them.

    I would introspect on your dislike of small talk. I had a similar sentiment towards it and I realised that it was a defense mechanism. I had this view of myself as deep and intellectual and “above all of that superficial shit like small talk”. A lot of people actually find this mindset quite irritating or draining. Not everything has to be a deep conversation about truth.

    This is probably my third or fourth time I have said this in this thread but of course small talk, fun, and a good vibe is part of it. Just how much in the beginning when you are actually trying to get to know the other person deeply.

    I am getting tired of repeating my answers.

  9. Posted

    23 minutes ago, Zenterus said:

    Nah bro, you're assuming too much based on very little information. She responded very positively to my message and reassured me that we'll be totally friendly at work. Based on her personality, I feel assured that she means well.

    Yes, you could be very correct here.

    You did have the ”hate men” on quotation marks, so it can be much softer than what hating men really is.

    As for her message to you, it sounds good. I would just becareful it is not just to keep things professional, but truthfully deep down she is repressing.

  10. Posted

    21 minutes ago, Zenterus said:

    Very solid list of characteristics here. You clearly thought about this deeply. The only thing I personally differ with is the age. I actually like it when a girl is a little bit older than me. There's something sexy and foxy about it. Obviously, though, I would prefer her to be around my age or younger.

    I would also prefer the older girls as they are more mature, IF they have done the work and have integrated.

    But goddammit most of them just doesnt cut it for me physical attractiveness wise. And lots of them haven’t done the work either, the shit has just compounded if anything.

    Now, if I grew older with her and her looks faded, then I am sure it wouldnt matter.

  12. Posted

    5 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

    But all those questions are proxies - they show tone, intonation. Bring out body language. Expression. Spark further conversation into deeper subjects. Neutral small talk is a safe template to begin rapport. Eye contact. What topics they like. You can't avoid small talk. It only leads no where when you fail to see someone's eye twinkle on a topic and question more. Show real interest. 

    Don't try to use your rhetoric to put me down like I don't know what depth, maturity and self awareness are. Stop that now.

    Feelings are part of your truth. You really want to avoid this topic. 

    Of course small talk is part of it. But should it last for the majority of the date? Or just the initial moments?

    I am not trying to put you down, the fact that you even think so is a problem. I am just genuinely confused.

    Notice, feelings are part of your truth. Not the whole truth.

  14. Posted

    3 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

    Well you profess to do all this inner work but you won't even launch enquiry into these two questions. 

    You keep avoiding both of them while they stare you in the face. Instead you judge the questions which as I raised above blocks a feeling. There is something you are avoiding feeling. I dunno what it is but I can't help you if you won't ask yourself the questions.

    If I were in your position it would be pen and paper. 2-3 hours of relentless "how what why if when" enquiry.

    If you think I haven’t spend years of my damn life going through my deepest and inner demons, fears, selfishness, self-deceptions and biases, I don’t know what the hell have you been reading, as I have been extremely vulnerable sharing my journey on this forum.

    But of course, if you are committed to seeing me as the problem, you will not see anything else, especially yourself as the problem.

    I admit I am not happy with my dating and I am trying to fix it, sharing my lessons here, asking for thoughts and open conversation, and overall being vulnerable, yet respectful — but I am faced with accusations of ego and having holier than thou mindset.

    What in the world.

    Becareful you guys are not living in your mutually created bubble, where Miguel is too egoistical to admit his short-comings.

    I have also talked to Aurum on phone recently. In there we seemed to agree, but here he seems to be against me. Hopefully not because it is just popular.

    There are people who support me on this, but they are more quiet and do so more via pms. Just becareful guys that when publicly you guys love to gather and go against me together, that it isn’t just bias and a self-defense mechanism to actually look deeper within yourself, and to actually be open to what I have to say.

    - - - - -

    At the end of the day, I am simply trying to have more honest, truthful, authentic, and vulnerable conversations and connections with people I meet.

    I am not claiming that I am Alien God.

  15. Posted

    3 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

    You reject that knowing someone takes time. 

    How do you know when you know someone? What markers do you look for? Not feelings. Feelings aren't going to tell you anything other than your limbic brain is being triggered by endorphins. If you can list how you know - like with your example about the girl you spoke to for 5 hours. How do you know you got to depth there? Authentic depth? Knowing beyond just intuition or any feelings?

    I reject that first dates should be about hobbies, news and mainstream pop. Random talks that leads nowhere.

    I am surprised this is even rised. Perhaps that’s why we have so much misunderstanding. I expect us to have a certain mutual understanding of what depth, maturity, self-awareness, and integration means — for we are in such a forum, dedicsted deeply to said topics.

    Why are you even bringing up feelings? Since when have I implied I am looking for feelings? If anything, I am pushing for raw truth more so than feelings.

  17. Posted

    4 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

    Do you think it is more likely you have an issue with the martyr / holier than thou inner narrative, or the myriad others who have pointed out this narrative you leak out? I can build a case if you want. It keeps coming out of you in many posts. I can go through your previous threads and quote the other users who see this in you, and there's been a few. I can go and quote every time you have reported "only I care". I don't want to trigger you into an egoic state so you don't listen, but there isn't any other way to say it. It's worth really driving into this and not just rejecting it. This narrative is actually blocking you from the deep enquiry you need to do. Notice it is a judgement. If it's a judgement - it's blocking authenticity. It's blocking a feeling you are avoiding. You can't be in judgement and feeling authentic at the same time.

    49 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

    Of course you can nitpick things.

    In a conversation like this where 10 different people are posting at once, you respond whenever you have time (and might have forgotten some details), might be in different emotional state etc etc. A lot of my answers are in the middle of my work days. A lot of times I thought I had more time to answer, but end up having to rush things. And the less obvious ones: when lots of people criticize you (whether they are legit or poor criticism / lack of respect), they will affect your mood. And that will affect my own delivery.

    It is bound to lead to lots of misunderstanding.

    That’s why I wanted to have a 1 on 1 call with you, and you agreed to it but never showed up, nor got back to me for re-scheduling. To use your signature as an inspiration: it is easier to blame others, than to look at yourself in the mirror.

    A proper call would solve most of the misunderstanding, if not all.

    - - - - -

    As for your trust question: again, it is such a vague question I don’t know how to answer other than there are certain things I trust in myself, and certain things I don’t — and anyone who claims otherwise is full of shit.

  18. Posted

    2 minutes ago, Valach said:

    It is not his mistake though. It is not like he used her for sex and just dipped. Sure, he might have gotten carried away a little bit but did not do anything horrible. It used to happen quite often to me when woman would be super into me on dates, make out etc. and then did not want to continue and I never took it for a reason to hate them. Definitely felt used for sex couple of times, which was bad, but he did not go that far

    When you are the bigger person, the more mature, you have more responsibility.

    If you fancy yourself as such, that is.

  19. Posted · Edited by Miguel1

    15 minutes ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

    Again, as I suspected, it’s probably mostly a numbers game. I think maybe some of your posts just came across as a bit restless or impatient in your pursuit, so people reacted negatively to that.

    But this example seems reasonable to me.

    The PUA paradigm teaches you to date 5-10 girls at once for months and months, before you drop everyone and just focus on one, when she has proved her worth to you.

    They call this abundance.

    I call it insecurity, and a huge waste of time and energy. I used to do it a lot so I know exactly how much time was wasted, and how I truly felt deep down.

    This is what I am mostly speaking against.

  20. Posted · Edited by Miguel1

    2 minutes ago, Valach said:

    It is funny how this person hates men yet she is the one seeking connection with them.

    Too much split in her psyche.

    Notice how hard she fell for OP, so fast.

    This is way too unhinged and unsustainable. She does not have a stable mind.

    With that information, I actually think Zenterus is in deeper shit than what I originally thought. She will triple and quadriple down on hating men after this, and the hatred will be pointed towards him.

  21. Posted · Edited by Miguel1

    9 minutes ago, Zenterus said:

    @Miguel1 Yeah, my thought exactly. Nightgame is fun, I love dancing to dance too and I especially love grinding on girls, lol. But I find it to be a poor source for quality leads. All girls go to clubs and bars every now and then, so quality girls do exist in those environments, but for the sake of efficiency, going to artsy or spiritual events is more fruitful. 

    I don't really "game" as much as I should be these days, but when I do, I approach on streets, at the mall nearby my house, I use dating apps and I am also starting salsa and bachata classes soon, so that will also probably yield some connections or it would allow me to attend latin dance events which will inevitably produce some results.

    So far though.. I'm not feeling to hopeful or excited to be honest. Most of my dates go nowhere and as a result, when I see a girl I'm attracted to I already kind of expect it to be a disappointment which is not great for my motivation lol.

    I used to do salsa and bachata but left the circle (as it’s fairly small here in Helsinki) because we did it with my ex, and I basically gave the whole social circle to her out of love, as we decided to do no-contact. It’s a big joy for her. My own dance style is my main joy, whereas latin dances were hers.

    The key is not to go for the tens. Go for the 8-9. More so 8 than 9, and do not go for 18-21 years olds. Even 22-23 are too young, but there are more exceptions here.

    24-25 minimun, and 26-27 max as I don’t want them to be too old either.

    Also, their clothing style says a lot. With some girls, you can just tell they are chaotic and unintegrated as hell. But also, the other extreme is those status signaling dressing.

    The ideal is when a girl has some uniqueness and individuality in her dressing, yet is not chaotic in it.

    In the festival I am attending, there’s a lot of stage orange girls inflirtating and taking pictures for status symbol. ALL THESE GIRLS LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME. What the fuck. They dress the same, they have the same make up, and they look the same (exaggerating a bit here).

    How is dating apps yielding you results? Do you screen with your bio at all, or is it optimized for ”results”?

    I feel like dating apps could be very high numbers game, without me having to put much effort, so I could really screen hard initially with my bio.

  23. Posted · Edited by Miguel1

    13 minutes ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

    To me, this sounds like you should just go on more dates until you find your person.

    I think people were mostly just worried and warning you not to accidentally dismiss someone because of your own judgment, impatience, or expectations about how the first few dates are "supposed to" go.

    Most dating issues, honestly, come down to these questions:

    “What kind of partner do I want? What kind of partner would they want? Am I that person? If not, why not? Am I looking in places where I can actually find this person? Am I giving off the signals that I’m the kind of person they’re looking for? How many dates am I actually going on?”

    If you can answer these honestly with yourself, you’ll find the blind spots you should work on.

    What?

    I am literally advocating on getting to know one person at a time, so you can fully focus on them and get to know them properly, rather than dividing your focus, attention and seriousness on multiple people.

    I am not expecting some magical, instant high-level chemistry and butterflies.

    Obviously you need to go through initial screening before deciding to focus on just that person.

    I’ll give you a concrete example in my life:

    Say I haven’t been dating anyone for a while and I am starting again. During the first week of approaching people, I’ll probably get around 3-5 people (depending on how much time I have to approach) that I wanna get to know better / go on first dates with.

    After the first date with the 5, most likely 3-4 will drop out (including flaking, or just us not finding time and it going cold), and with 1 person we decide to keep getting to know each other.

    At this point I will still meet new people for dates but if I see a girl for 2-3 dates, it’s time to forget everyone else, and just focus on getting to know her before things end with her, and I’ll start over. Perhaps reach out to some leads I met prior to deciding to only focus on getting to know her.

  24. Posted · Edited by Miguel1

    14 minutes ago, Zenterus said:

    @Miguel1 I just texted her my thoughts. 

    Very curious, bro. Since you're on a similar path, do you still do nightgame as lead source for a potential life partner?

    Yeah, I think being as honest as possible explaining what happened without hurting her feelings is key here. She is not conscious and mature enough to be able to handle 100% truth without being deeply hurt.

    I do do nightgame as I love dancing but it’s not really the best place. I try to incorporate more niche places like art events, self-help / spiritual gatherings, and I also try to make IG content that are as authentic as possible to attract like-minded people.

    They also have bigger spiritual / yoga festivals here in Finland. Right now I am attending a more mainstream / artsy festival called Flow Festival.

    I haven’t been on dating apps but I am considering it. It’s shallow as fuck but I could filter very strongly with a strong bio. With my face, I should be able to get some high quality leads there.

    Where do you mostly meet girls right now?

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