Miguel1

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Posts posted by Miguel1

  2. Posted · Edited by Miguel1

    I’m cleaning my photo albums and I found me at the most devil phase of my life, by far:

    Miguel, at 24 years old, 2019. Full speed in fuckboy phase. This guy gave no single fuck about anybody’s feelings, and used anything to feed his selfish ego, including spirituality.

    My stereotype was all about the Dark Triad. It fits well with my dark looks, and it got girls going crazy.

    All that being said, I truly havent aged at all. What the actual fuck.

    I think I look even younger nowdays because my facial expressions are more empathetic and bubbly in general.

    IMG_1437.jpeg

  3. Posted

    19 hours ago, PenguinPablo said:

    @Miguel1

    If anything you are encouraging to move to Finland or another country in Scandi.

    How did you find out about pickup anyway? You are one of the very few that ran with it and got insane results.

    Scandinavian countries are the best places to live if you want the most developed and least corrupted. But also, they are awful places if you want to make a ton of money and become rich, simply because they tax you very high (to keep the collective healthy), and the laws and regulations protection customers are very solid. You ain't gonna do dirty business as easily here as in the US.

    After my first heartbreak, I just googled and started studying. First I bumped into a blog called Shark or something like that. In that blog, someone in the comments actually mentioned Osho, and from there on there was no looking back. I was like 16-17 at this point. And oh, I am reminded. When I was 14-15 I did watch some of Owen's seminar already because his videos were pushed to me on YT. I found them interesting but I wasn't ready to go balls deep into self-help at that point yet.

    As for my results, funny thing is that I got so corrupted, I wasn't even happy with the results I got, and thought I could get even better results, which is true. But is ridiculous, how it never ends, once the ego gets going.

  4. Posted

    21 hours ago, Valach said:

    What are the pros for you? Compared to single life and just sleeping around?

    - Sex with random girls is extremely unsatisfying, compared to what you get in a loving relationship with mutual attraction.

    - Relationship is much better time spent: way more quality time, and is actually a long-term investment that potentially lead somewhere. I hate drifting, going nowhere, and wasting time. It is not how ENFJs work, we are very future orientated and structured.

    - Partnership, companionship, deep friendship. Satisfy your social and intimacy needs, and you dont have to run around with monkeys to do that.

    - Healthy family dynamic with children, if you want that.

    Surely there are more.

  9. Posted

    6 hours ago, Ulax said:

    In some ways I agree. 

    In some ways I disagree.

    For example, this young generation is much worse of in terms of ability to get a house, and they have to deal with trying to make it in a world full of addictive tech. 

    Yes, of course not in every possible way but in general.

    The flip side to that house point is that it is far easier for them to make ton of money online vs when we were kiddos.

  10. Posted · Edited by Miguel1

    But yeah, it’s clear to me that pick up has not much of a place in my life anymore.

    And also, needless to say but I’m handling my latest break up in a 10x more healthier way than the break up before this one, even tho this one was 10x deeper and more intense.

    I’m proud of myself for that much growth to be able to handle it with so much more maturity.

    —-

    The heavy pickup phase also helped me to truly learn to value the pros of a serious, loving monogamous relationship.

  12. Posted · Edited by Miguel1

    27 minutes ago, bazera said:

    Most of guys need to go through what you went through in my opinion. I haven't done it, and I sense that I need to do it even though I also want to deconstruct it, but you have to construct something before attempt deconstructing.

    Yes, as human beings, we need to master being humans first before transcending higher.

    But the level I took chasing sex was toxic and dysfunctional. No need for that extreme. It was fueled with lots of unresolved pain, selfishness, ego and ambirion.

    I hurt so many people in that process and would never cause others such pain ever again.

    And thank you! Feel free to reach out and ask anything related to socializing and dating.

  13. Posted

    21 hours ago, Valach said:

    Beautiful read man, thank you for that. Do you think the phase of sleeping around a lot had a negative impact in some ways on you being able to have functioning relationships in the future?

     

    20 hours ago, bazera said:

    Thanks for sharing that, man 🙏

    If you hadn’t gone through that year of pickup (100 girls and all that), do you think you would have been able to develop deeper relationships like you did?

    So, was that a necessary step for you?

    I am not sure if it affected me negatively per se, but my standards rose maybe a bit too much to the unrealistic level. I know I can get almost any girl (looks wise) so I expecte my partner to be really good looking and cant be satisfied with normal looking girls. The issue with very good looking girls is that most of them are more often than not spoiled, and haven't had to do the in-depth inner and psychological work, which is even more important to me in my partner than her looks.

    Other than that, not really. I stand shitty behavior way less, which can be a bad thing in a serious relationship, as there are low moments, inevitably.

    -----

    If I didn't go through that phase, I dont think I would have been able to develop deeper relationships because 1. I would be in scarcity and 2. there would be parts of me yearning for that phase. But I am wired differently, I am naturally very ambitious and won't settle for less.

    I would say it was necessary step, but it didn't have to be in such excess. 1/3 of that would have been plenty, had I just faced myself earlier.

    Quote

    What else could have potentially taught you that lesson, besides that one year of experience?

    In hindsight, what would you change about that story you told us, knowing everything you know now?

    I am not sure what else could have taught me that lesson.

    I also dont know if I would change anything, as clearly I needed it all to be where I am right now. I would have told myself to face myself and my inner demons, and the pain of the breakup way earlier than I did -- but it is a different story if the me back then would have listened to that.

    That being said, practically speaking if I could summon myself back in time and meet my younger self physically, I would give him a big fucking hug, filled with so much warmth and love. That kid really just needed love and safety.

    He was and have always been full of love and all he wanted to do was spread that love to others, but that side of him was always taken advantage of due to his naivety and youth, that he got so broken, and had to develop extremely thick coping and defense mechanisms.

    I would give him deep unconditional love and make him feel extremely valued and safe.

  14. Posted

    Good Job on handling the situation.

    1 hour ago, integral said:

    I just found this funny that people have no idea that a PhD does not make a person mature lol. And that watching the boss all unhappy and miserable when he's a multimillionaire, it was ridiculous.

    After studying human bullshit and unconsciousness, and also my own, seriously, for years -- I am not surprised at all at this behavior. In fact, it is to be expected.

    Most people truly are just animals. Unconscious survival automatons.

     

  17. Posted

    21 hours ago, Rigel said:

    Bingo. Sustainable relationships don’t usually start with a blast of passion. That’ll likely end up burning both parties. Clear headed assessment of compatibility is key. Then you build passion on top of that solid base.

    Correct. Butterfly in stomach feeling is actually your body responding in fight or flight mode.

    Passion based on real alignment in values and compatibility is where real beauty lies. Unfortunately, most people are too immature to value that, and chase novelty, excitement and fast passion.

  18. Posted

    22 hours ago, Oppositionless said:

    @Miguel1 interesting . Silly question , did you ever get "mogged" by ESFJ Bros? Or could you easily defuse them?

    Bros like that have always loved to pick on me.

    The ENFJ depth is fascinating to me. I never really think about relationships in that way , in that sense I need less from relationships. Generally as long as someone isn't an asshole I'm happy to chill with them. But I'm also somewhat detached from people.

    I only got into MBTI like 3-4 years ago. And I have not studied ESFJs to the point where I could even identify them. But I've gotten mogged by some of these extroverted types, yes.

    For me, I am mostly detached from people as well. But if it is a serious, monogamous relationship, it better be fucking deep. Otherwise what is the point? I can have 10 fuckbuddies, friends with benefits whatever. They dont satisfy me, and they waste my time.

    I am not satisfied by shallow relationships, where we watch movies 2 evenings a week. What a waste of time! I rather spend that time building something deep via my life purpose.

  19. Posted

    22 hours ago, bazera said:

    You seem to have gone through the pickup phase and saw the shallowness of it. Did that desire for long-term love and partnership come after exhausting that more primitive need or it was there in the beginning as well?

    Good question. I started my pick up journey as a blue pilled guy, like virtually all of us. I just wanted to find the one, but quickly got my heart destroyed, then got into game and female psychology. The desire for true love was always there but 1. it came from deep lack, immaturity and scarcity and 2. I got heavily into pick up to protect my heart from ever breaking so badly again. That's when I truly entered my devil phase.

    After my first 2 relationships, before entering my 3rd I was already quite the devil. I was with my 3rd gf for 3 years. After breaking up from that, instead of facing the pain, I completely drowned myself in girls. I was 23-24 at this point. Man, in 1 year, I had sex with easily over 100 girls. I lost count along the way but it was almost a full-time job. I was working evening shifts so I could hit the club 3-4 times a week.

    My game basically got so good at this point, that I was easily having sex with 2-3 new girls a week. It was just extremely time-consuming. After 8 months or so of doing that, I got so sick of it, and then covid hit, which actually was a complete blessing for me, as it forced me to finally face myself and my heartbreak from my 3rd relationship. After covid, I came out a new man, I had learned to finally be with myself, and to enjoy my own company without having to run away from myself chasing pussy.

    I went to a cruise where there wasn't many people around. I met one of the only beautiful girls there and turns out she had a boyfriend so I was like well, what to do, lets drop game and lets just befriend her. We connected and shared our lives for 3 hours, a smaller form of what I described in another comment yesterday. After few hours of that, she drops the bomb: "so we are having a phase with my boyfriend where I am allowed to explore my sexuality ((with girls))". Anyway, one thing lead to another and I had the best sex out of that 100 girls, BY FAR. I made love to this girl like I truly fucking cared, and it was a holy experience, rather than previously using the girls just to run away from myself and to feed my ego.

    That was the moment that got me to finally accept: "holy shit, pick up won't do it for me anymore, and I need serious connection with a special girl".

    So I went full circle back to looking for that special girl, but this time with 1. abundance and 2. not afraid to have my heart broken. But. I was still immature as I was very young. Met my last girlfriend and was with her for 5 years. It was a beautiful relationship, with lots of unconsciousness and hardships. But I was more truthful and honest than I had ever been with anyone, by far. I had always seen honesty and openness as key things in relationships, but during that relationship, I really learned the importance of it.

    We parted ways 6 months ago due to finally accepting that we are very different people and not compatible. I matured in that 5 years 10 times more than I matured in the previous 25 years. It was also 5 years of heavily studying Leo, whereas before that I had not started studying Leo.

    Leo directly affected that break up, for sure. I am grateful as it would have otherwise taken 10 years. It should have been 3 years max, but I was still too naive and immature. I've learned so much from that relationship, and I am ready for a more mature version of that.

  20. Posted

    Leading is another thing I enjoy highly. And not only sexully but leading people in general.

    Men here in Finland are typically such wimps, that in the pua community they say that Helsinki is full of beautiful blondes and no men.

    The culture here is very biased towards listening to authority, which has its own beauty because Finland is probably the least corrupted country politically, in the whole world.

    But that means that in social settings, it usually has to be me to step up and lead, which I enjoy a lot.

  22. Posted · Edited by Miguel1

    9 minutes ago, bazera said:

    Good stuff!

    Have you ever experienced all that with a girl, and knew her so well that you had answers to all those question in relation to her? Doesn't it get boring after a while? Maybe after years? 

    What I'm asking is, how sustainable is that kind of intimacy, it's very exciting in the beginning, but can the excitement last through years? 

    How can we maintain intimacy through the years? That's what I'm trying to figure out. I guess it has stages, and the initial stages are especially exciting, when all those questions you listed are fresh and you're in a discovery phase. Maybe it goes deeper and deeper, but also it might get shallow over time. Depends on the person and also depends on how far can you go in that, how deeply you grasp some of these stuff, that can be deepened more and more.

    That’s the only way you have real intimacy.

    Later on it isn’t about wild hormones going crazy, but rather real love and partnership towards each other, based on full trust, loyalty, friendship + romance.

    The exciting, hormonal stuff is not sustainable, nor real intimacy. It is what immature and unconscious people chase.

  23. Posted · Edited by Miguel1

    56 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    Pickup is very, very unnatural for me. I can do it, but only if I force myself, and I can never be great at it. Because I am deeply introverted and I don't like empty talk.

    Pickup was my food back when I was a complete devil. You have no idea what an extremely selfish version of a good-looking (exotic as well, as I am in an extremely white-skinned country, where they look at tan like a God-given gift, no kidding, and I have it naturally) manipulative, highly charismatic ENFJ is capable of, when it comes to attracting girls.

    And did I mention being the top street/hip hop dancer in the country?

    Back then it was also all about 18-22 year old girls, who believed any bullshit you told them, as long as they were attracted to you.

    But now it is exhausting. My results suffers a ton as I go almost immediately into screening the girl for her quality and depth, and "game" her on the premise that she can and see the value of a consciously behaving man. My "results" have almost dropped to zero. But I see absolutely no point chasing pussy for the sake of pussy at this point.

    I rather spend my time finding that rare gem. It's a matter of opportunity cost, as time is scarce for me right now.

    If we have no potential for a healthy, long-term relationship based on truth and honesty, what is the point to waste even a minute further on it?

  24. Posted · Edited by Miguel1

    35 minutes ago, Oppositionless said:

    @Miguel1 you've never struck me as shallow, . :) But also this forum displays the deeper side of people.

    I was talking about normal social settings, which is basically every social setting. I have yet to find a social place where I can be more my deeper self. Perhaps there are these more spiritual places and events, but gosh the ones I've been to, they can get hella annoying as people there are mostly delusional in Lala-spiritual land. I was annoyed by this when I was last in spiritual events which was 5 years ago (and these were not mainstream spiritual events). I couldn't have a fucking normal conversation with these people. Now, as my development is like 5X higher than then, I will not be able to stand them one inch.

    And yeah, if this forum was just one of another social place, I wouldn't be here. Why socialize online when I can do it in real life.

    This is the only place where I can pretty much show 95% of myself and my thoughts, purely as they are (which I deeply crave in real life, and this will never be the same as real life, but will do for now ((read my above post why this is so important for me, I totally need to be an open-book. That is core to my personality. I absolutely hate pretending, hiding, dumbing down, lying, manipulating, misleading etc. things that socializing with most people requires)). Especially as people in my real life should not be able to find me here, unless they are into this work -- in which case, there are no problems.

    That last paragraph was hard to write, bear with me. I gotta rush to sleep, it's late and I need to wake up early.

    Thanks guys for giving me this opportunity to share my thoughts and feelings. Means a lot to me, if that hasn't become clear yet, haha.

    Good night ❤️

  25. Posted · Edited by Miguel1

    1 hour ago, bazera said:

    @Miguel1 Okay, got it. You seem like a guy who’d be fun to be around ;)

    Thank you!

    On my laptop now, so I will write a more in-depth answer.

    I have to mention now tho as I just recalled it. One of my main drives as ENFJ is Social Harmony. I get immense joy if I can provide harmony into a social environment. Usually into a smaller group as that is easier to do and more intimate -- but I do love myself a big social event where I am in the middle of organizing and making sure everyone is having a good time and is in a loving mental space.

    Honestly, in recent years I've contemplated deeply that one of my main reasons I got into spirituality was precisely because I believed that only via spirituality, can we as human species as a whole, have proper social harmony. And I was not wrong, just that the spirituality I knew back then wasn't deep enough. If we go all the way to Truth as spirituality -- as the work we are doing here -- I truly believe that's how we will find True Social Harmony at the end. But it will take hundreds and thousands of years yet.

    Quote

    Same for me actually, when it's warm outside, a warm spring weather, I like to drive around in the evening or at night when there is no traffic, or just sit at my balcony during sunset trying to do what you described but with myself. Those moments are one of my best memories.

    It's funny, my best memories doesn't involve other people much. 

    Don't get me wrong, most of those times I like to be by myself too. Rarely do I find a person I actually want to be properly intimate with, vulnerable and open up fully (or even half-way) to.

    Quote

    One question, when you mention deeper connection with another, what do you mean exactly? How do you express that with another? Do you have specific topics that you like to talk about, you mean just deep presense and listening to others in that way, or what?

    That's the thing. As I said in my original comment, unfortunately having true depth is virtually impossible with most people, as they are not interested in that.

    When I say depth, I want to truly penetrate the other person, on a body-mind-soul level. I want to know how they REALLY, AUTHENTICALLY (and not some BS socially correct answer that they answer unconsciously, and have so for a million times) feel and think about important topics in life: meaning of life for them, what are their biggest dreams and goals, what kind of a person they truly are: their values, their personality traits, weaknesses and strengths. What is their level of empathy and moral development? What are they most afraid and scared of? What do they deeply desire, want and need in a romantic partner? What kind of friends do they have? Why did they break up from their last relationship and what did they learn from it?

    How self-aware are they? How aware are they of their self-deceptions, biases, assumptions and judgements? What is their cognitive development?

    How in touch with their emotions are they? Do they have the ability to open up and be vulnerable? Are they overly emotional? Can they regulate their own emotions?

    Just to give you an idea of depth. Of course this is found out in a beautiful way, mutual way, mixed with laughter, happiness, nostalgia, bittersweetness, warm hugs, perhaps some tears of sorrow and joy as well -- and not in an interviewy way.

    If a girl is able to go deep with me, she will experience depth no other guy can give her, not in a million years. We will know each other like we know ourselves. I will not be satisfied with less.

    It will be based fully on honesty, openness, and truth. I want to deeply penetrate their soul and I will be a complete open-book to them.

    Very ENFJ like actually. This is literally definition of how ENFJs work in relationships.