Miguel1

Read the damn opener

@something_else Your dates lasts 30 min?

By definition, these are not my people. I don’t want to fuck around. Yet, getting to know each other seriously doesn’t have to have zero fun in it. I fucking love it and enjoy it deeply when my date is highly self-aware. There will be a bunch of laughter too, just not the main thing. Why are they mutually exclusive?

The opposite actually. This reeks of self-confidence. The whole PUA paradigm of having to spin multiple girls at once to feel abundance, comes from insecurity deep down. And it is just conformity. But what I am suggesting here needs to be transcended through the PUA abundance mindset. I am criticizing your mindset from above, not below. To me, you seem like you are needy, cuz you can’t fucking be confident without having a ton of girls validating you. A truly secure man does not need multiple girls to feel secure.

@Jirh Too loose. You are not serious about finding a compatible partner. The goal is to find out about compatibility fast. Not slow. Not fuck around and find out. Simply find out.

@Jirh You are going at it with backwards mindset. It’s not that they owe you anything. It’s that you WANT them to align deeply with you.

Real authenticity cannot be performative, by definition. You can perform authenticity, but that’s fake.

@Jirh Friends you can have multiple. A life partner you can have one, and the goal is to have them with you until death.

Taking things slow

@Natasha Tori Maru I am not talking about commitment yet, hence the thread title. Simply the getting to know each other phase. Do you want to get to know 5 people at once? Or just one?

You can def go WAY deeper than what is the norm. And especially than what is pushed in PUA. Last evening I had a first date with a girl for 5 hours. I got quite a strong sense of what she is about. But she is way more self-aware than a typical person, otherwise it would not have been possible. Otherwise I would not have gone on a date with her. This whole notion of having to take things very slow, and keep it light and playful in the beginning is a total conformity. And a total waste of time.

Because you are playing around and taking it too lightly. Find out about her soul in the first few dates and it won’t have to take so long.

Instead of Frame Controlling, you should have a Strong Frame. It’s very different. The former is try-hard, the latter is strenght.

The other way of saying this is: Play to win, not to not lose.

I’m sick of hearing this social circle strategy as being the solution to all dating problems. It is not. Nor do many people have interest in wasting so much time and energy on it. Also, for introverts it ill be much trickier.