Miguel1

That’s the only way you have real intimacy. Later on it isn’t about wild hormones going crazy, but rather real love and partnership towards each other, based on full trust, loyalty, friendship + romance. The exciting, hormonal stuff is not sustainable, nor real intimacy. It is what immature and unconscious people chase.

Pickup was my food back when I was a complete devil. You have no idea what an extremely selfish version of a good-looking (exotic as well, as I am in an extremely white-skinned country, where they look at tan like a God-given gift, no kidding, and I have it naturally) manipulative, highly charismatic ENFJ is capable of, when it comes to attracting girls. And did I mention being the top street/hip hop dancer in the country? Back then it was also all about 18-22 year old girls, who believed any bullshit you told them, as long as they were attracted to you. But now it is exhausting. My results suffers a ton as I go almost immediately into screening the girl for her quality and depth, and "game" her on the premise that she can and see the value of a consciously behaving man. My "results" have almost dropped to zero. But I see absolutely no point chasing pussy for the sake of pussy at this point. I rather spend my time finding that rare gem. It's a matter of opportunity cost, as time is scarce for me right now. If we have no potential for a healthy, long-term relationship based on truth and honesty, what is the point to waste even a minute further on it?

I was talking about normal social settings, which is basically every social setting. I have yet to find a social place where I can be more my deeper self. Perhaps there are these more spiritual places and events, but gosh the ones I've been to, they can get hella annoying as people there are mostly delusional in Lala-spiritual land. I was annoyed by this when I was last in spiritual events which was 5 years ago (and these were not mainstream spiritual events). I couldn't have a fucking normal conversation with these people. Now, as my development is like 5X higher than then, I will not be able to stand them one inch. And yeah, if this forum was just one of another social place, I wouldn't be here. Why socialize online when I can do it in real life. This is the only place where I can pretty much show 95% of myself and my thoughts, purely as they are (which I deeply crave in real life, and this will never be the same as real life, but will do for now ((read my above post why this is so important for me, I totally need to be an open-book. That is core to my personality. I absolutely hate pretending, hiding, dumbing down, lying, manipulating, misleading etc. things that socializing with most people requires)). Especially as people in my real life should not be able to find me here, unless they are into this work -- in which case, there are no problems. That last paragraph was hard to write, bear with me. I gotta rush to sleep, it's late and I need to wake up early. Thanks guys for giving me this opportunity to share my thoughts and feelings. Means a lot to me, if that hasn't become clear yet, haha. Good night ❤️

Thank you! On my laptop now, so I will write a more in-depth answer. I have to mention now tho as I just recalled it. One of my main drives as ENFJ is Social Harmony. I get immense joy if I can provide harmony into a social environment. Usually into a smaller group as that is easier to do and more intimate -- but I do love myself a big social event where I am in the middle of organizing and making sure everyone is having a good time and is in a loving mental space. Honestly, in recent years I've contemplated deeply that one of my main reasons I got into spirituality was precisely because I believed that only via spirituality, can we as human species as a whole, have proper social harmony. And I was not wrong, just that the spirituality I knew back then wasn't deep enough. If we go all the way to Truth as spirituality -- as the work we are doing here -- I truly believe that's how we will find True Social Harmony at the end. But it will take hundreds and thousands of years yet. Don't get me wrong, most of those times I like to be by myself too. Rarely do I find a person I actually want to be properly intimate with, vulnerable and open up fully (or even half-way) to. That's the thing. As I said in my original comment, unfortunately having true depth is virtually impossible with most people, as they are not interested in that. When I say depth, I want to truly penetrate the other person, on a body-mind-soul level. I want to know how they REALLY, AUTHENTICALLY (and not some BS socially correct answer that they answer unconsciously, and have so for a million times) feel and think about important topics in life: meaning of life for them, what are their biggest dreams and goals, what kind of a person they truly are: their values, their personality traits, weaknesses and strengths. What is their level of empathy and moral development? What are they most afraid and scared of? What do they deeply desire, want and need in a romantic partner? What kind of friends do they have? Why did they break up from their last relationship and what did they learn from it? How self-aware are they? How aware are they of their self-deceptions, biases, assumptions and judgements? What is their cognitive development? How in touch with their emotions are they? Do they have the ability to open up and be vulnerable? Are they overly emotional? Can they regulate their own emotions? Just to give you an idea of depth. Of course this is found out in a beautiful way, mutual way, mixed with laughter, happiness, nostalgia, bittersweetness, warm hugs, perhaps some tears of sorrow and joy as well -- and not in an interviewy way. If a girl is able to go deep with me, she will experience depth no other guy can give her, not in a million years. We will know each other like we know ourselves. I will not be satisfied with less. It will be based fully on honesty, openness, and truth. I want to deeply penetrate their soul and I will be a complete open-book to them. Very ENFJ like actually. This is literally definition of how ENFJs work in relationships.

I do recharge when I socialize but the caveat is that the more I mature, the less I need it for recharging. ENFJ’s dominant function is extraverted feeling and second introverted intuition. The more I mature, the more introverted intuition becomes dominant. Getting in touch with that side of me has always felt like ’going back home’. It is the side of me where my depth arises. Otherwise I am just a shallow, charismatic, witty guy. Now to answer your question: I get energy from coming into a room and brightening the whole environment. Probably my looks (but also presence, the way I carry myself) affects a lot how others’ energy changes when I enter their presence, and their shift in energy affects my behaviour, which then further affects their energy and then my behaviour.. so basically me lifting everyone’s mood makes me energized.. Top that with my wittyness, ability to tease and flirt (or not) and it’s a lot of fun. But I do notice that after the initial stage of superficial level socializing (all fun and games), my introverted intuition does come out and then I crave to connect with the person deeper. If it only stays at the superficial level, I quickly lose the recharging. The issue is, most people are not capable of, nor interested in deeper connection. At least in typical places I meet people. Logistics are everything. I’ve come to notice that I am much more in social mood in the beginning of the day when I’m fresh and well rested. During evenings and especially nights, I really crave depth and intimacy.. and feel much more into melancholicness. —— Don’t have time to read through and fix the text now.

Yes, I am ENFJ. 8w3 Ennegram. I’ll answer you and @bazera in my next comment as I cant quote both of you on phone.

This is why I’ve learned to value and try to focus more on finding introverted girls to date. Extroverts are wild monkeys.

Story of my life. Like.. everything here, how do you describe me so well When I hang out with my friends, I literally have to tell them: ”Don’t let me talk or I will go on forever!”

Do you know how to sing? For some reason when I imagine you singing, it sounds a bit like.. a small but fierce dinosaur singing.. Maybe it’s the kangaroos..

Don’t kid yourself, this can go on Infinitely

I commend you for acknowledging that in him, and behaving like a proper leader. The old you would have a bit more trouble with that.

This is the equilevant of me in my personal life viewing weed as more dangerous than heroin, literally, because I know with 100% certainty I will not touch heroin. Weed I will very likely touch at some point. But we all know heroin is way more dangerous than weed, as a chemical.

Gettings leads is the hardest part. If you have no leads, you have no business.

This episode is intense. Have to take multiple breaks to contemplate and soak in.

In your own words: ”to actualize it”. I wonder what is ’mastering something’ then if not to actualized it and to do it really well.