toad_mcnuggets

5-MEO DMT Trip Report First Time —> Nirvana Puking on Itself Dosage: ~20mg Bufo Admin: Smoke Hey guys, this is my first post on actualized and I just wanted to share my recent 5-MEO trip on Bufo. Warning: my language may be a bit abstract ;-) Pre-life Preoccupied with routine, taking care of endless tasks, perfectionism, feeling heavy laden. All I know is material. Maybe there is something more, maybe not. I don’t know, how can I know I have never experienced it. I listen to teachers, read words from wise beings. I intellectually get what they are saying but it might as well be meaningless. There is no resonation only a sense of “that sounds good.” Recently I became fixated on finding my Life Purpose. Choosing the one thing. Committing. In order to have some benevolent impact on the world. Because, that is what I was told. There was no real feeling of connection to this idea of purpose. Sure, there are things I like and would be good at but I was detached. Living life only on the surface. Give me a coffee, some good porn, sex, a friendly chat, a comedy, now there’s a little joy to get by. Preparation Let me read all the information I can get on the 5-MEO experience. I’ll read all the trip reports and watch Leo’s videos again. That will prepare me. And yes, I will create a preparation journal where I will list out all the possible things that could happen or sub conscious shadows that could arise so I will know how to deal with them. I will keep my thoughts pure, I will stop doing “bad” things to avoid having a bad trip. I will have long discourses with myself reviewing the pros and cons of the trip. What if I physically die? What if I’m attacked by demons? What if I end up loosing my mind? What if I’ll feel more loving afterward? ...Nonsense. Setting I decided to partake in a private traditional Bufo ceremony. It was with an energy worker/shamanic trained healer who I have been seeing for about 8 months. She felt this experience would help me to release trauma. For the entire week leading up to the ceremony I was waking up with intense anxiety and fear. Other than times when I was to go speak in front of others, this was some of the most intense fear I ever felt. I literally felt like as she was preparing the medicine that I was going to die. I felt sad. I felt dead. I felt FUCK IT. Trip She lit and held the pipe for me. Instructing me to breathe in slowly and steadily for as long as I could and then hold the smoke in. I breathed in for around 10 seconds and held for around 5-8 seconds. When I exhaled, a magnificent cloud of smoke filled what looked to be the entirety of the room. And then it began… Before my consciousness could have time to grasp the size of the cloud of smoke I just blew out, I found myself saying WOOOOOOAAAAAHHHHH while being gently rested back my guide. The WOOOOOOAAAAAHHHHH turned into what appeared to be a high pitched squeal and before I knew it I was tumbling down through an infinite kaleidoscope of regurgitating cluster fucks. It was as though I had been catipulted in the engine of the universe. Winding up and releasing to a cosmic vibration that resonated as a YA YA YAAAA YA YA, pulsating with GIBBERISH. This pulsation of gibberish shaking every fucking molecule of whatever it is that I was. It was just like some kind raw primordial energy of releasing gushers of infinite emotion all imploding and exploding simultaneously. Into Nirvana This kaleidoscope engine of regurgitating cluster fucks seemed to be gaining in power and speed. And it was as though IT was laughing at me as I was laughing IT.(I got a big smile on my face just now recalling). It was like I knew that IT knew that I knew that I was IT. In an instant moment of eternity, I sensed? (probably no word to describe this feeling) that every cell and molecule of my being was imploding on itself in a state of infinite cosmic flabbergastation. I was being maniacally ravished by the infinity of the universe as the sound of the cosmic symphony hyper blasted me to NOWHERE. Eternally EXHAUSTED, PUMMELED, DESTROYED. Nothing more to give. Nothing more to release. Nothing to hold onto, nothing to feel, NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING. I/IT then merged into a singularity which could only be described as Nirvana (although this label seems infinitely incapable of describing the experience). The ravishing stopped in a moment of eternity, and the I/IT energy expanded into the entirety of the universe. Infinite GLORY. Infinite POWER. Roaring out like an eternal primordial maniac of Pure LOVE and LIGHT filling out into the very fabric of space. I AM FUCKING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! whilst sensing the universe telling me this is what you have been wanting to know yes...? And then TAAAA DAAAAAA… Puke. Cut to opening scene. Rebirth A barf and a laugh. Face planted on the floor. What a great way to start the day. My guide was kindly placing paper towels by face and cleaning up my mess. How kind. Was I in one of those YouTube Videos where they put the camera on the ground and put speed on 2x. Like they are showing how to the clean floor or preparing a morning time breakfast. With light downtempo piano stock music playing in the background. Rays of sunshine shinning so charmingly on the hard wood floors. What a fucking joke! Every time a spit this beautiful lady (my guide) would come toward me on 2x speed to clean up my mess. I couldn’t get over the absurdity. I then felt, why not do it again!! Let me put all the blankets and pillows back in place, and press rewind. What madness! I then scratched that idea as my guide was shuffling around frantically trying to get me to lie down. Is it over? Who cares. How do I look? Like shit. Great. Pillow feels nice, let me put it on my face. Am I tired of the pillow on face. No, I like it. Ok, fuck this pillow. What the fuck!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *&^*&^^&RYGFGFUR&^RUFIUFV Mystical After rolling around in a pile of dumbfounded shinnanagations, I looked over at my guide. I noticed instantly the look on her face. The pain, the suffering, the sadness. There was this kind of dark mystical smoke around her. With every breath it was as though she was transmuting and releasing all the pent up negative emotional energy that I just expelled. Her face mutating from glorious to an old disheveled hag. Struck in awe, and gratitude for her being, I felt…BARF. Afterward “Well that was fun” were the first words spoken when I returned. I carefully strung them together before I actually said them. Seemed like a charming thing to say…The look on my guides face was one of concern for me and also for her home. Like you almost destroyed everything. O shit? Really. My bad. What happened? LMAO. It turns out, I actually was walking around violently and shouting loudly. I had no recollection… On the drive back home, I felt hungry. I could really go for something tasty I thought. I drove by In and Out burger. O, that sounds nice! But I’m a vegetarian and eat healthy. Maybe I’ll get their bread, lettuce, and tomato burger. I laughed. Isn’t that cute, I’m a vegetarian. Yes you are, your a good little vegetarian. Fuck you, I’ll have a cheese burger, fries, and coke. YUM YUM YUM YUMMMMMMM :-D Day After It is the day after as I write this post. I wasn’t able to sleep. I feel electrified..There is no fear. There are no limitations. I can visualize with pristine clarity. Infinite creativity. Any thought I have I can turn to a thing. No desire to journal, to meditate, to read, to do anything but just be. To pet and lie with my cats, to watch 4K nature programs, listen to beautiful music… THIS is bliss. And THIS is who I AM. %-D =) =/ =( => =< =-? Insights Like water colors on a canvas, just rinse, and paint something else Like an etch-a-sketch, just shake a start over Like a seemingly broken record, called life You think you get it, and then IT spits you out only to gobble you (IT) back up again A panting primordial beast exploding in a cosmic sea of infinite nothingness Every cell and molecule of being ejaculating on itself Tumbling through an infinite sea of cluster fucking kaleidoscopes regurgitating on themselves **Word of Caution** As Leo mentions, this substance has the potential to radically NUKE your entire life as you know it. If there is any preparation you could have in place it would be to possibly have some safety net of cash. Just in case you don’t want to go back to a job you’re not happy with. Be prepared to loose everything as you know it. Relationships, routines, wants/desires, EVERYTHING.

UPDATE: 1 Month Post Trip Week 1: Spontaneous laughing for no reason, all I want to do is lounge around with my cats, watch nature programs, write comedy bits. It feels like my consciousness is taking up more space. Feel strong and at ease with life. Week 2: I notice that people are responding to me differently in daily interactions. It's as though I am emitting a more approachable and friendly vibe. My verbal fluidity is higher than pre trip. I feel more quick witted. Its also easier to get into a meditative state. Within a a minute or so of closing my eyes I find myself accessing a state of peaceful expanse. Week 3 & 4: Ok, back to the grind. Time to make money. Focusing on my purpose and acquiring knowledge and wealth is #1 priority. Sex drive is also through the roof. My energy feels like that of an Ox. Slow, steady, and powerful. I am setting goals and moving toward them. I don't feel much if any fear at the thought of doing things that used to give me a sense of fear pre-trip. I am more aware of my surroundings. Overall, its seems as though my state of consciousness is operating at a higher frequency. There is less resistance toward engaging with life and taking action. I seem to just get and learn things with greater ease. The intensity of the experience has waned however from week 1. It has already become like some distant memory or like did that really happen? However, I was at at jiffy lube yesterday and couldn't help but notice how much their inflatable tube man reminded me of that feeling I had on the trip...I was like ooooo yeah, just. like. THAT. ???

@PopoyeSailor I would say yes! I could imagine living a whole different life. Imagination comes very natural now. There is very little if any resistance when I close my eyes to seeing myself fulfill any creative desire I have. All obstacles and insecurities are washed away. It's been a month since the trip and I still can visualize with this clarity.

Me too! I will post an update in the next 3-6 months. I can say without a doubt though in the first week, I FEEL like a different person on every level. Energetically, emotionally, and even physically. The area around my heart used to feel heavier and now it feels open. I feel physically stronger. I don't feel any fear. It feels like my consciousness is taking up more space. My mind is firing on all cylinders. Seems like the REAL DEAL miracle cure all (so far)...Lol :-D