Kuba Powiertowski

I will add something else from myself. Personally, I think that a whole lot of civilizations like ours are evolving in the universe. But only a handful of those who have realized at the crucial moment that without spiritual development, without the evolution of consciousness, there is simply no, absolutely no chance to go further ... and they understand that until we understand there is no how to help us. Simply put, the true evolution of global civilization is a fucking difficult process that only very few succeed.

Hello Everybody? I have a very human dream… I dream that “someday”, at the end of this journey we’ll sit all together with God at some fireplace in some forest, or wherever, have a bottle of good cold lager, and we’ll all laugh. Bringing back all good memories of how it was with You or You, then or then… (“if we make it, we can all sit back and laugh” – King Crimson “Epitaph”) But now I start again from the ground floor. Once again. After hundreds or maybe even thousands of beginnings in the past, being dragged back by ego backlash, here I go again. Now I know there’s no other way, nowhere else I can go and I need to move. Thanks to Leo’s dedication and devotion in pursuing the truth, and his amazing gift to share all his experiences and wisdom he has gained, in a very genuine, gentle but precise way it’s all WAY easier… I have no words to thank him for his job. Anyway, I’ve found few ideas that I’ve incorporated in my work, they’ve seemed to work well for me so far, so I want to share them with You Folks. Maybe it will be helpful for some of You. At the beginning, where I’m still in, of course, there’s fucking dark and scary. The realization of the sizes of my ego is frightening... (“our shadows taller than our souls” – Led Zeppelin, “Stairway to Heaven) It’s like a thick rubber balloon-like costume pumped to the maximum pressure it can hold. It feels claustrophobic. It smells like a used condom. I know. Lack of acceptance. Lack of understanding. Lack of love. But it’s not so easy, You know... Years took me to make a tiny tear to look outside to see this scary darkness. WTF am I doing? Doubtful thoughts start to grow. Then I realize that the reason I see darkness is because I keep my eyes shut. It’s so fucking scary that I fear to even open my eyes. I need to quit for a while… It’s overwhelming. I cannot do it. No way. It’s too heavy. Lots of tears. Waiting for a backlash but this time it’s not coming. Maybe later and, surely, stronger. At last, I force myself to open my eyes and see what I saw in the past, this minefield. Set of traps, set of mazes, mazes of traps. Trickery of mind seems to be infinite and I never manage to even “walk a 5meters”... (“up and down, and in the end it’s only round and round” – Pink Floyd “Us and Them”) Time out. Need a break. This is pointless. I’ll fool myself once again, gain nothing, except pain and disappointment. But time Leo’s words of Wisdom resonate from all these episodes of awakening somewhere in my head. I listen to them once again, see Leo dealing with some similar shit, we smile at each other. Is this real? Is this telepathy? Fuckin’ hell!! WOW!! Thanks, Mate! Thank You very, very much. The sort of solution appears. I’ve been playing chess for a long time, but my next obsession started when I joined chess.com The diamond profile, direct access to all chess openings, defenses, and strategies sucked me like a black hole. Discovering layer after layer the inner structures of the game, hours of games in quick and blitz mode with other players, and with boots were both very satisfying and very frustrating. It’s like every process You start with, whatever it is. In the beginning, you make fair quick progress, your ego pumps. Then the ladder begins. The core. You have to realize, that there are no shortcuts. Focusing on gaining points and classification leads You to nowhere. Frustration overcomes THE FUN You should have with the process itself. Its ups and downs. It will take years, thousands of hours to improve. Sometimes You’ll be losing poorly with some brilliant newbies who are classified few levels lower than You. So?? That’s THE PROCESS ITSELF. Do You Guys notice such things as AlphaGo, AlphaGoZero, AlphaZero, or MuZero? Brilliant AI networks made by Google’s Deep Mind Team. AlphaZero took a 100 game challenge against the most powerful chess engine Stockfish. All chess Grand Masters, commentators talked then about AlphaZero superhuman chess performance, which it certainly was. But no matter how brilliant it may look like, how brilliant it is, how complicated it may look, IT IS FINITE. Check the Shannon Number on Wikipedia. Complexity in chess goes in BIG number but it’s all finite. That’s my point. This AlphaEgo Maze of Traps is of course much much more complicated than chess or any other game, even the game of life?. But it’s finite. As its source is. As the ego is. And dealing with ego is something like a game of chess. In some way. So I take an approach to have some more fun. Not to worry too much when it defeats me. Ok, that’s the part of the process. I start to study these traps as I study openings or defense strategies in chess. See the patterns, see the structures. Watch out for the next trick. And try to like my opponent?. Love You All God Bless You (and keep this cold beer for us:)

Think about this sentence by Thomas Campbell. This one from Big TOE. The reality, of course, at our basic level of consciousness, as a low entropy trainer for consciousness. Smacks of exact science, but I like it. On point

The only reason why are all here is LOVE. Race for LOVE. Who loves whom more. That would be nice. But one of the main reasons, if not the main reason for our existence here in THIS REALITY is passing on the genes. That's why we're all here, for sex. Race for sex. Who fucks whom more. And with "every new model of an iPhone" we become more and more primitive. New communication technologies have made it possible for marital infidelities on an unprecedented scale than ever before. Cheating on your spouse is slowly becoming nothing unusual. Universal access to pornography, all these applications like Tinder, Badoo, Tiktok show our true nature. Nature to fuck. Btw, imagine facebook, being just the book without the face:) Anyway. It's nothing unusual. It's the very core of survival, of evolution, of natural selection. It is at the base of all our behaviors. It's built into power, money, everything. Nothing wrong with that. Or is it? Believe me or not, I don't care really, but at the end of kindergarten when I was six, I started realizing how completely fucked up this all is. How extremely unfair. You may think, poor, ugly guy with miserable sex life. Sure, of course. But it's very the opposite. As women say, I was a very pretty boy, now at 43, tall well-built, very handsome, according to what I hear from women, leading successfully my own business, practicing "so-called extreme sport" for nearly 30 years. What else? Big dick? There You got it! 138 IQ, according to mensa testing. In a word, a cookie! No, it's a kind of a curse... Ok, stop this self-masturbation. I don't have a Facebook, Instagram (I have an empty account to access some climbing topos of my friends), I don't put my photos anywhere (my wife, maybe, if she puts some photos of us, or me, I don't know) I don't give a shit about it. Anyway, when I was in kindergarten I was picked up by probably the prettiest girl from my group to be her "husband" in a way that kids play the adult roles. I got another female friend at the time, that I didn't want to hurt, so I refused. And for the first time in my life, I felt a kind of sexual desire for that pretty one, in a very narrow sense, of course. Then the problem arose. Why, just why, for fuck sake, my friend was punished, in some way, for not being such an attractive one? For the same reason, why some people are simply punished for their physical appearance? Because that's how they were born in that way? It's not fair, it never was, and never be. As all this survival, natural selection, or "so-called" evolution. I feel deeply against this state of affairs. For a few years now, I've been trying to practice sometimes, as I say, a conscious orgasm. Trying to observe what so amazing is happening during it. And You know what? There's nothing there. Nothing. A split second relief for tension in the nervous system. There's neither Love in it, nor during all sex. As sex is, especially for men, a road to orgasm, a road to relieve tension. That's ALL. Everything else is a fairy-tale, even tantric love, sorry. During trad climbing, highball bouldering, alpine climbing, You sometimes enter the level of hyper-awareness of mind and body, that gives You such incredible inner integrity, solidness, the peace that "there's no sensation to compare with this, suspended animation, state of a bliss" as Pink Floyd sings. And this "bliss" stays with me way, way longer. Gives me strength and motivation to be a better person. Sex never did anything alike for me. When I meditate, when I go really deep, as I can, I cannot see the smooth connection between sex and True Love. Sex is always about duality, is always about the best, the sexiest ones. Sex is about the most fundamental attachments Your ego creates. True Love is nondual. It's about everyone, everything, it's about letting go. Going towards True Love is about exceeding the limitations of my body, is about leaving all this crap, that doesn't really matter, behind. That's true evolution. Everything else is nothing but lying to myself. You may disagree, I may be terribly wrong. But for now, that's the way I see things. "tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit I" I burn in hell anyway, someday...:)

And "it's high time, Cymbaline"!

You both Guys have probably right about me, personally. The problem is I haven't reached it yet, or don't want to see, or simply I maybe got lost at some point. But what I really wanted to point You, is that our sexuality must be taken seriously if we want to evolve as humans. Since the cognitive revolution fired up in our heads, we've become a truly murderous species. What makes us civilized now is this fragile structure called civilization that we created. I recommend Yuval Harari's book Sapiens. And his entire trilogy in general. We are still primitive creatures with supercomputers in our heads that we don't really know what to do with. For all the fantastic technology and knowledge we've discovered, we're closer to self-destruction than ever. Because we have not learned to fully consciously control our primitive instincts, among which the sex drive is the PRIMARY one. But I will develop this thought in a separate post. Greetings to everyone

I'm from Poland. II World War touched every member of my family. Both from mom and dad sides. Most of them were fighting. They had been killing. They were imprisoned by nazi and communist authorities (after the War). Some of them were brutally tortured during Gestapo or SB Service (Communist Security Service) interrogations. On some, nazi tested a chemical weapon in a concentration camp at Stutthof, that destroyed their health for good. I had had this incredible privilege to listen to some of these SHOCKING stories from first-hand till my uncles, aunties, grand or grand grandparents lived. You can't help, tears, goosebumps, shivers, and the nightmare dreams afterward. It has been strongly resonating with me till today. It wasn't about some heroism. Not at all. It was about almost infinite pain of the body and foremost of the soul... You cannot imagine it. You have to live through that, to have any idea, what are you talking about... Till my teen ages, I had spent about half a year in different hospitals overall. Some of my health issues were severe, some not. But once, after a very nasty surgery, I got pain that fulfilled my whole body. I was on the edge of losing medical consciousness, which would be a relief. But I didn't. You want to scream, but You just can't. You sigh heavily. It had lasted for a few hours till I was taken back to the hospital, and some strong painkillers I was given, started to work. Now imagine the same pain that Your torturer holds up for three months and does everything for you, neither to lose your consciousness nor to sleep too long. Do I afraid of death? No, I don't. I've faced death a few times in my life. It is scary from far, but as you approach closer and closer, it seems more natural and obvious moment that has to happen. Do I afraid of the hardcore pain? YES. VERY MUCH. For me, it's like the final frontier in this process of awakening. How to meditate on it? How much love and understanding you need to have to melt it down? How to accept it? How to love it? And the story at the end. My grand auntie Iza is 90 years old. Nazi had tested some chemical shit while she was held in Stutthof Concentration Camp. Communist Security Service had tortured and killed her husband. She has two daughters, my aunties. Younger is mentally disabled and lives with her mom. Older is a sports teacher in high school and takes care of over a whole family. Auntie Iza has been completely paralyzed by a stroke for fourteen years now. They all live in a 30m2 flat in a very shitty block of flats. They don't have enough money. We all try to help them as we can. Auntie Iza's mind works impressively well. And she smiles all the time... She doesn't blame the world, she doesn't blame nazis, or communists or everybody. She emanates kindness and loves all the time. I know it's possible, but at the same time, it's somehow impossible. She is much further than I dare to suppose that I'll ever be there. It's one of the hardest things to work with for me. What do You think guys? I'm sure that there are many of You here, with the same or very similar experiences and stories. How do You cope with that? I'll be very thankful for every shared story. Lots of Respect and Love to Everyone

I joined this forum soon after I met Leo for the first time about two weeks ago. I've found this place as "a really big conscious platform" where all our rugged paths out of the official system meet at some point. A place, where all misfits, broken hearts, broken souls, truth-seekers feel good. Everyone who regards our materialistic, "rational" and fully determined system as a stack of bullshits, absurdity, and paradoxes, has a great chance to come here. This platform is a kind of a booster and catalysator of the process as its Creator is for me:) But on the other hand, I know I've to be very careful with these boosts. Keep my strategy of even the smallest steps every day. We are all strange loops here, with certain levels of awareness of our own looping. It's gonna be good:) It is even good now! Take care, my Friend:)

I know it's a very delicate, complex, and very individual subject. I connect dealing with hardcore pain with courage, which directly links with internal integrity at some almost superhuman level. For example, my great-grandfather on my mother's side was one of the commanders of the national army that fought the Nazis. After the War, he was imprisoned and tortured to death in a way I'm not able to describe. During the torture, he did not release his comrades. That's why communists killed him. Do You remember when Leo describes his talk with God in the Outrages Experiments episode? When at some point, God asks Leo does he have enough love, enough capacity to incarnate in somebody being raped or tortured? Fuck sake, I thought then as I got shivers. How much pain I can endure maintaining my inner integrity, not to fall apart. Stay true to yourself in these moments before you die. I don't know, but there may be times where the ego backlash is pulling as much breath in the lungs. Therefore, I see it as the ultimate or one of the last frontiers. Thank You once again for all Your suggestions, all Your experiences. I need to dig much deeper. God bless You,

Thank You:)

Hello Dear Friends, I'm here for the first time, I'm Polish so please forgive me if my English is imperfect, I'll do my best. What, have brought me here? Years of searching, asking questions about the nature of reality... Years of interest in mathematics and physics transformed into the interest of what is consciousness itself. All these explanations about its source in the brain haven't convinced me at all, as my deep interest in Kurt Godel's Incompleteness Theorem pointed out that process of conscious understanding, which is needed to exceed any formal theory in its explanation is itself infinite and thus conscious understanding as a process is also infinite. Therefore cannot be some computation within any limited system. But not only this. As a rock climber, have been practicing this form of outdoor activity for nearly 30 years now and for me, it's something far beyond sport constricted to grades and numbers. As an alpine legend Walter Bonatti once said; „The mountains are the mean, the human being is the end. The idea is to improve the human being, not to reach the top of the mountain”. How it's possible? Isn't it a strange loop? Climbers and mountaineers are among the most selfish people you can ever meet! But it's somehow possible. It's very rare, but happens when suddenly you are touched but something that you can't explain by words when you realize the immense beauty of the space that surrounds you, the path that brought you here into this surreal scenery, this thin line that ties you up with your partner or with rock directly when you climb alone... Anyway, it also happens, during music listening, some art admiring as well as on a dog walk in a nearby forest with my wife. But the most profound TOUCH I had had to this time in my life was in my teenage years when I had read Hymn to Love in the bible. All the times you’re deeply touched, sometimes you cry, although as the years go by crying is becoming more and more difficult expression to do. But then I couldn’t help crying like a baby... Never before or after NOTHING touched or hit me with that power. During the past year, I had done lots of research about the science at the cutting edge of that hard problem of consciousness. This time I knew, that the right explanation must come with this touch. But almost nothing like that hadn’t happened at all. Donald Hoffman with his approach in Case Against Reality came a little closer to me but then… I checked “Metaphysical impact of Godel’s Incompleteness Theorem by Actualized.org” and saw Leo for the first time, and thought: Oh my fucking God, this guy GOT IT!! He got the idea!!! Then I saw another one “Reality is a strange loop” – WOW. How brilliant Leo disassembled this completely irrational materialistic paradigm in science.. Just WOW! I started sending links to these episodes to my friends and family members that share the same interest with me. Most of them applauded? But then I watched Leo’s Outrages Experiments in Consciousness… For the second time, I was hit with even bigger power. The same stream of tears appeared on my face, the same deep but irregular breath in my lungs... I have started follow Leo’s immense work since then as this long and very hard process in me has been triggered. That’s why came here. Feel this is the right place, is a good place. I hope to ask You some questions, to share my experiences with You as You do to the worldwide community. Thank You All, Thanks Leo? Love & Peace my Friends

I want to share with You what I've recently discovered. Many times, during meditation I have far glimpses that I cannot comprehend now. Not at this point, it simply won't work. And forcing myself to incorporate these glimpses, result in very strong ego backlashes. Many of Your topics are about the same issue. Nonduality is something so out of this world, that I'm simply not able to apply straight forward. Try to force Yourself now to fully accept that Your closest relatives as Your parents are not real. It's insane! This process of assimilation nonduality is very slow. It must be. It must take years or lives, I would say. I discovered that at this very early stage duality is good. It helps. When You start recognizing Your existence in every living being, first in Your relatives but afterward in everything that lives, You start providing good effortlessly because the good You deliver to others is the same good You give to Yourself immediately. The power that comes within is something very true and REAL. And this power You need to progress. Just keep on being good to the world, to Yourself. Practice good. You won't notice how powerful You become every single day. How You feel good:) How less distracted You are, more solid. That's the beginning of how You become Everybody. That's the beginning of assimilating nonduality. All rise, Her Majesty Reality is coming:) Surrender to all, don't give up:)

Hello my Friend:) Try this: "Not very conscious" "He's lacking consciousness" "Is this a conscious thing to do?" "High consciousness" "Low consciousness" Not very true He's lacking love Is this a good thing to do? Higher perspective Low instincts Still a dogma?:)

Hi Brother, I completely understand You. In this journey, the bigger ups the bigger downs. It happens all the time. Sometimes You have a, as I call it, a far glimpse but it's too much to comprehend right now. For now, it won't work. Watch those episodes of dangers of spiritual work and ego backlash. We still use a dual language and what is most important we think in dual language. And the further You reach, things become more and non-dual... They, of course, are non-dual all the time but that's the process that You gradually assimilate the non-duality in Your rate. And this rate as I see it in my case is with the speed of a turtle. Take a break if You need it. We're all on this ship to freedom. You'll be fine. After all, it's all good:) Love You Mate, The tiny, human piece of love flies to YOU:)