Ken Lecoq

Hey Everybody I wanted to share with you musics from a very interesting Rapper : Eyedea He did very interesting songs, and I hear quite a lot of spiritualy related lyrics within. Listen to that : Well, He had spiritual insights thanks to drugs, and he dided in 2010 (overdose)... But it's very interesting anyway. What do you think about it ?

Hi everybody In this journal, I want to share the experiences I have. I'm gonna try to spread personal development teachings through those experiences. I will be 100% honest and transparent. Well, let's start by talking about... Ghosts !!! Very welcoming, isn't it ? A history about death's spirits and facing fears. 3 weeks ago, one of my mother's friend (she is medium), came to visit us (Yes, I live with my mother and my brother... for now ^^). She is able to talk to spirits through freewriting. My father died one year ago. We sat down with her and my mother, and she wrote what my father's spirit was telling her. It was very interesting, There were aspects of myself she wrote aboute that she couldn't possibly know. She mostly wrote advices and encouragements frommy father. The next day, my aunt told me that her daughter was sometimes possessed by a negative spirit, and that's why she had sucicidal tendencies (she is is very whimiscal). A medium told her, and belive it or not, that could make perfect sens, because other very strange stuff (with spirits and black magic) happended to her and her sister before... Well, don't belive anything at all, that's better, just be open, "it could be that". Well, I got pretty interested about the topic, also because I would like to help my cousin with her djinn problem. Personally, I am interested about supernatural stuff, but I'm not a very sensitive person (I mean that I never saw any ghost, nor played any "ouija board" game, nor felt anything spetial). One ningt, I was alone at home (my brother and my mother sleept), and I remember that my mother's friend recommended to be more attentive to my feelings, and if sometimes I have kind of strange shivers in my back, it could be a spirit with me... maybe my father. This night, I felt this strange shiver in my back... and it wasn't cold at all. Normally, whenever I go in the near the bathroom in my house (just near the former bedroom of my father), I'm feeling fear. Fear of seeing a ghost or some strange stuff like that (you knwo, the movies and the stories you've all heard). This time, the fear was present like always... but this time, I was more aware that usual, and I clearly saw the fear... the illusion of fear. I decided to go in my father's bedroom, and sit in his bed with an pen and a paper (I did freewriting, cleaning my self centered thoughts). In my father's bedroom, there is a wardrobe with a big mirror. This mirror is just scaring the s*** out of me, and I hid it in order to do the freewriting/meditation. Very interestingly, what came out ofthe freewriting was "You are scared of the mirror, that's just an illusion, that's just a conditionned fear, you are not the body, why are you scared, when you are scared like that, you are identifying yourself with this body, this is fake !!! you are being manipulated by the fear, it's limiting you, go and face your fear ! Open this f****** mirror ! Face yourself, face your fear ! If you are on the path of enlightenment, that's necessary and inevitable"... Very interesting... Consequently, I decided to face my fear. I opened this big mirror, and I literally faced myself, I faced my fear. For me, It was VERY scary, my heart started to beat very fast, and I had a big emotional peak. My thoughts were divided into two parts : One part, the lower self, was imagining horribles stuff happening through the mirror, ghosts and everything ; The other part, from the higher self, was very positive, with spiritual enlightenement and personal development related frases (It's just a fear. It's illusory. You already overcame other fears in the past, and it felt the same way, you need to go beyond...). After 5 minutes of emotional peak, the fear disminished, and fade away little by little... I didn't saw any ghost or whatever... But I overcame the fear ^^ I'm so happy about that As well as other fears (the fear of approching girls in the street for example), it can't completly fade away just by facing it one time. I did this exercise 3 times already, in front of the mirror, and as I'm writing this text now, my mother and my brother are sleeping, and I'm feeling the same fear... Moreover, I'm hearing some kind of subtle knocks in the house... it's scaring me even more)... I might do it again this night... only with candles, it's scarier. Little by little, I'm sure, one day, I'm gonna totally overcome the fear Beyond just facing the fear, I actually hope that I will see , hear or really feel a ghost, or a death's spirit, in order for me to be confronted more directly with the fear, and completly transcend it... I might be able to comunicate with spirits afterward, it could be amazing, and I could help other peoples ^^ . I know, I'm kind of crazy, but if my fear is hear, there is a reason, and the better I can to is acting in order to overcome it. I'm sure I'm going to learn something very usefull for my spiritual groth by facing my fears. Well, that's all for this story, I hope I inspired you. Have a nice day Ken.

I've just read "the big leap" from Gay Hendricks. In one chapter, he talks about the illusion of time, and the "Einstein time". I found this topic very interesting, and very usefull actually, because I saw that I was addict to the time, I have to look at a clock or a watch twice an hour or so. It's limitating, but I didn't see it before. He was also talking about doing a "time died", without looking at the time at all. I think it's a very good idea, I might do that, during a 10 days silent retreat alone for example. Eckhart tolle talks also about time. Time is a deeply rooted belief. It's a huge barrier on our path toward the discoery of the truth. You might want to do a video about time, Leo.

@Ray Well, I'm quite stuck within this common illusion of time right now. I'm gonna do this 10 days retreat next summer. What you are doing with the Excel sheet is great. I don't really have some daily plans. Sometimes, during the evening, I write down all the stuff that I wan't to do the next day, but I don't do everything, because I usally plan too many things. Usually, I let the flow of life guide me, and I do and learn about what I'm most interested about (I'm an autonomus student, and I learn about personal devloppment, spirituality, energetic healing, nutrition, and more). But time is definitely a big barrier on the path of enlightenment. For me, it's instinctive. I need to know the time when I wake uo, when I go to sleep, and 20 or 30 times throught the day. it's an addiction. A 10 days silent retreat alone could really help, for sure. Nice day

I searched for silent retrets in the UK and found one very interesting organization : https://www.dhamma.org/en/schedules/schdipa They are doing 10 days silent retrets (vipassana). You can apply for june, july, august or after, but you should apply the first day that the applications inquiries are starting. I might go in herefordshire in august or september to do one of those.

Hi everybody I'm creating this topic because I overcame my fear of other's people's opinion last summer, and I wanted to share with you my experience ^^ Well, last spring, I became conscious of the fear I had when I wanted to talk to strangers... Mostly with girls actually, because I always had boy friends (not "boyfriends", I'm into womens), and I didn't know how to talk to girls at all. I wanted to have a girlfriend, so I had to overcome this fear, because I was limiting myself through this fear. At that time, I already started personal development, and I was following Actualized.org. The video "How to stop caring about what people think of you" inspired me, and motivated me. I started learning about pick-up, mostly through youtube videos (simple pickup, simple sexy stupid, trippadvice...). For me, it was amazing seeing those guys totally free of fear, capable to talk to girls in the street and getting their number that fast ; and it wasn't because of how they looked. As I was thinking about myself doing pickup like them, I was already feeling the fear inside me, but at the same time, a lot of adrenalin, because those videos proved me that it was totally possible, and that it could be a lot of fun to overcome this fear. In summer, I did a 30 days challenge, going every single day outside in order to talk to groups of girls, at the beach, in the street, in shopping malls, at night in the city. There are two keys here : The first one, is to DO THE FIRST STEP. That's actually when the fear is the most present, and the most difficult to overcome. It can be for exemple the first aftenoon you decide to go outside and talk to groups of strangers. This first time, you can feel a lot of butterflies within tour guts, the fear is almost overwhelming, your heart can be beating very fast... But if you are not able to do the first step, you won't be able to overcome the fear at all, and you will be subdued by the fear the rest of your life. Once you did it a couple of times, you understand by experience that the fear is actually just an illusion, just an invisible wall that YOU are creating. And the second one is REGULARITY. If you go outside in order to overcome your fear once every two week or so, you aren't be able to overcome the fear the way you want to. Why ? Because between each "session", you are going to forget what you did the last time, and the fear is going to fully reinstall itself while you spend days alone without working on it. If you want to fully overcome the fear, do a 30 days challenge, talking everydays to groups of strangers, and you will learn exponentially. The first 2 or 3 days are going to be the hardest days, but after, the fear will naturally fade away, because you will be working on it every single day. If you do a 30 days challenge, the results of your work are going to be higher, and they will last a very long time. I personally did that last summer, and 6 months later, in february, the fear I had before never reinstalled itself. Last friday, I went to a pub alone, danced withs strangers, talked with them, and made 3 new friends. If you are alone, well do it alone (I personally did the 30 days challenge alone), but if you can find one or two friends to do it with you the first days, it could be better, you can do little challenges togeather for example. Here are some exercices for you. Some are easy, some are difficult. Start with little steps, and as you grow, the fear is going to fade away. Good kick

I think I'm gonna spend a couple of months in England, from august to... september or october maybe. If you meet in England one day, I'm coming, for sure ^^

Nantes, 44, FRANCE ... But I feel like I'm the only one from France x)

Now, @Mulky I can suggest you some movies I watched, movies that makes you question yourself and your beliefs. I really enjoy watching those kind of movies, because there is a deeper meaning to them (well, in the end there isn't any, but at our level of consciousness, with the beliefs we hold, there is, and those can be usefull) : →Spring, summer, fall, winter and spring →The tale of princess kaguya (Ghibli) →Spirited away (Ghibli) →Baraka →Samsara →I Origins →The life of Pi →Enlightenment guaranteed (Well, I didn't watched this one, because I didn't found it in english, it's a german movie, but it seems very interesting... and funny) →Lucy →The Wolf of wall street (to see that materialistic things doesn't makes you really happy) →The Island →Matrix (well, this one, you should already know) →The trueman show (This one as well I guess) →Moving from emptiness : the life and art of a zen dude ... there are some more actually, you can search for that on google, typing "spiritual movies" for example.

@Mulky You wouldn't say that if you were fully enlightened. You might have had one or several enlightenment experience, but if you were fully enlightened, you wouldn't see anything as negative, you wouldn't see any separation. And if something is negative the way you see it right now, it wouldn't bother you at all, it would just be the way it is without any idea, any conception, any belief. Just try to look at your thoughts when you are having those : "That's very crappy, it's making me feel bad, it's grey and depressive, and the other peoples look at that without even noticing that" ... Ask yourself : Why do I think it's bad ? Is it really ? Who is thinking that ? Who is the I ? Where does those emotions comes from ? ... You can learn from literally anything. Every experience is here for a reason, for you to learn something. There isn't anything "bad" in the end, nor is there anything good, those are just labels you put on your perceptions. Be open, and look at your perceptions the way they really are, look at the beliefs you hold, the ideas you have. Everything is fascinating from this point of view.

Hi, I like mdeitation, but I usually do it while walking or while driving... Today I tried meditating seated, eyes closed. I just wanted to share an insight I had while doing it. I was doing a "Do nothing" meditation, letting go of all the thoughts that were arising, and forgotting all the conceptions and belifs that I hold (which is not that easy, because that's deeply rooted)... At some point, I was very relaxed, very still, and I was very aware of all the thoughts that came, and whenever I had one, I was just letting it go, very smoothly. Later during the meditation, I was giving too much intention on a thought, and became aware of it, so I just let it go as well ; but as I did it, one other thought came into my mind "F***, the ego is very heavy, the ego is this way, the ego is that way", but as I was thinking that, I was beliving this voice, because it was talking about the ego, so the voice had to come from somewhere beyond the ego... Well, that's what I was beliving, because I was taking this voice talking about the ego for granted. At the end, I had this insight, that even this voice, talking about the ego, was also coming from the ego... Because I heard "The ego is this way, the ego is that way"... but in the end, the question is "Who is asserting that that ?" "Where does that voice talking about the ego comes from ?"... And in the end, this voice was just a construction from the ego in order to distract me from looking deep inside and from letting go of every single thought. Well, to conclude, I would say that the ego is as sly as a fox, very cunning, it's going to try making me belive a all bunch of stories in order to distract me and prevent me from seeing the truth. Hope it helps you guys... I personally decided to do a 30 minutes seated meditation every single day as a result of this one.

Thanks a lot for your detailed reply @Emerald Wilkins That's a great method to question our "truths". You convinced me to read Jed McKenna's books ^^

Do you want answers deconstructing those "true" statements ? You can't explain the deconstruction of what you hold as true with words... I mean, you could with truths like "the earth is round", but you couldn't with very advanced statements like those. For example... "All the existant colors are hold within The spectrum of colors"... That's seems to be true, for sure, but if you want to deconstruct it you can't explain it with words. The only way to deconstruct those truths would be through meditation. Very interesting anyway, those statements or questions could be great objets of meditation. Thanks for creating this topic@Emerald Wilkins You are going very far @Leo Gura , Thanks a lot I'm gonna meditate on those, and do self inquiry asking that ^^

When I spent time with my grandparents, I can see the same behaviour, a very big sens on self. Moreover, they are spending 4 or 5 hours a day in front of the God "TV" xD. Even if it seems to be this way for almost everybody in this society, it's not true. Enlightenment is something beyond our current understanding of reality. It's totally possible for someone completly blind to have an enlightenment experience and to start a path toward the ultimate truth. It's less probable, for sure, but possible anyway. We cans say that, as a general rule in today's society, that's right. But not totally. Congrats for your 2,5 days home retreat ^^

@Sarah_Flagg On the path toward the discovery of truth and enlightenment, that's very usual for difficulties and obstacles to appear. What you are living is necessary, there is nothing wrong with it. I want to talk about your disease, because the pain you are feeling, and the obstacles you have in your life might be related to the disease. I've been involved quite a lot in the field of alternative therapies and medicinal plants, with Josep Pamies (in Spain, he is doing quite a lot of conferences about those topics). I've learned there that the primary causes or diseases are emotions and nutrition ; and that the best way to cure a disease is by changing your diet and resolving emotional conflicts. An interesting medicine to learn about (related to emotional causes and the resolution of those) is the german new medicine, discovered by the Doctor Hammer : About nutrition, I can't know what would be the most suitable for you... I heard a lot about alkaline diet, and that cancer cells couldn't grow within an alkaline environement : http://www.acidalkalinediet.net/anti-cancer-diet.php I also heard about fasting, and about mono-diets (with only red rice, or only grapes, or only strawberries, always with seasonal fruits)... Well, all the information I do have about those topics is in spanish. If you can read spanish, I recommend you suzanne powell books (alimentacion consciente ; le cancer). From what I learned about alternative therapies, If I had cancer (I know, that's not your case right now, but it might be soon) and the doctors recomended me a chemeotherapy, I would refuse and choose a natural way to cure the disease. I don't really trust in conventional medicine, because it's managed by big farmaceutical companies, and their ultimate goal is to make money and survive as a company, it's not so save lives. They want to have patients alive, but addicted to their drugs. Your doctor (if you have a normal doctor) isn't going to talk about emotional causes and nutrition related causes, because he never learned it (it's the most important, but he never learned that). The really effective medicines aren't the officials ones, because they are too effective, and the big companies couldn't make as much money with them... If a patient is totally cured, he isn't cutomer anymore. You have a lot of very effective medicines and therapies, but their are alternatives : Chinese medicine (acupuncture, reiki...), medicinal plants, new diet...). Well, that's just my opinion, You take it or not, that's your decision. I just wanted to share my point of view from my experience.

Thanks for sharing what you think about addictions, @shouldnt, it's very interesting. Addictions are too deeply rooted, It's difficult to see the original causes. We need to change our self image in order to change our habits. A great book talking about that is "The presence process" by Michael Brown, I'm gonna read it soon. I never tried before because I wasn't interested about it at all, and because of the conditionning I had about it. I never tried before, and I didn't knew the pleasure and relaxation you experience from it was possible, so I was thinking that masturbation was just a waste of time, just procrastination. I never really questionned myself about sexuality before, and was expecting a girlfriend to teach me that. Your questions helped me questionning myself deeper Thanks ^^. Yes I was chubby, the childrens were making fun of me. That might have been a subconscious cause. As I learned about personal developement, I learned to love myself and stopping caring about what other peoples think about me (I did pick-up everyday during one month straight in order to overcome the fear, I got a lot of numbers, but I didn't found a girl that I really love). I just didn't knew I could also love my this way. I need to work more on self love, and stop feeling guilty and angry about myself when I do something Iike too much procrastination or eat too much sugar. I hope so as well @kalter000

@wasabelll Look at Leo Gura for example, he is bald and looks attractive. Attractiveness isn't all about physical appearance, there is much more to it. Accept the way you are and love yourself.

@Water @Sigma @shouldnt Well... Thanks to you guys ^^ First time ever doing masturbation for me, age 19 x) I know, my name is Ken, so I should already have f***** a couples of barbies at this age, but that's not the cas at all for me ^^ This morning, I woke up, and told to myself... I need to try and see by myself what's that, and to overcome my fear of doing it. I try to force mysel doing while watching porn... but it didn't worked at all, porn just disgusted me. Later during the day, I fely naturally turned on by a youtube video I watched (but it wasn't forced, I was just like following the flow of my feelings) and I did it ;p I forgot the fear and the pride I had, and it worked I can tell you that this first time for me just blew my mind I wasn't expecting that much pleasure... I have to manage that now, thanks x) I see that as a powerfull drug, because I never experienced it before, anf that what it feel like... And indeen, looking at the society today, it is a powerfull drug. My body was asking me more 5 hours later x) It was just so great... I only spend less that 5 or 10 minutes doing that, and when I finshed I encounter a very new sensation for me that I never really felt before... Amazing, great invention x) It released a lot of tensions out of my body, and I felt like my brain had a pleasure shot... During the all day after, I was felling better than before, and I was able to avoid sugar much more easily than usual (because I'm addicted to sugar for a couple of months now... I'm not fat, but I just eat too much of it, sometimes it can be insane for me). I was thinking that in order to do that, you had to spent so much of your time that it was insane, but what I experienced is that, following a natural rise (and not forcing it), it can be just 5 or 10 minutes spend, and the result can be a great relaxation of the body and the mind. Well, It's kind of very weird to masturbate for the first time at 19... But I'm glad I didn't do it earlier, because now that I'm really into self actualization, I'm gonna be able to avoid falling into an addiction... I was just feeling like a human being without sex before... I I was feeling very good as well. I don't change my poinion, sex isn't a need I'm able to perfectly live without it. Now I understand that if I have this human body, and if I have the desires and feelings, I have first to fully apreciate that, and to live experiences, and only then will I be able to transcend that in order to discover a full enlightenment. I see sex and masturbation as... a tool, something pleasurable we can enjoy, similar to good food, similar to football. I live it as somethong more fulfilling than good food, and fooball actually, but that's the same basis, chemicals in our brain telling us that our body is feeling great. Like everything in life, there is a middle way with sex... You can blive one extreme (Like I was) and totally forget it, or live the other extreme, being sexaddict for example... But the best way might be the middle one... Just enough, listening to what you feel in the inside, to what you feel is right for you at this moment. I think that having sex (alone or with someone else) something like once every two days for example (depending on what each individual is feeling), in order to relax and enjoy a good pleasure is great That's what I'm gonna do from now on, and also because I know that it will help me a lot in order to control sugar addiction. Now, shouldnt, I wasn't stopping me from having pleasure... well, I wasn't feeling this way at all... Or maybe that I was doing it, but unconsciously, I wasn't aware of it... simply because I didn't know what it felt like... That the first time I had an orgasm today... I didn't even knew this pleasure existed... Great invention, yeah. Now that I now that sex is pleasurable and that I can enjoy it, I'm gonna use it wisely, in order to release tension when I too stressed... I'm quiet on the outside, but sometimes, I'm angry in the inside... angry at the world (too blind in the opinion of my ego...) and angry at myself (when I eat too much sugar for example... afterward, I'm like "Why did you just do ? You are gonna be sick ! You're rubbish"). I'm also feeling that I might replace my sugar addiction for that... but the root of the problem wouldn't be resolven I would still feel a lack of something in the inside... That's why I'm reading an interesting book from Peter Ralston (pursuing consciousness) about transformation and enlightenment, in order for me to really transform myself from the deep roots. There are so many stuff deeply rooted in us that we are unconscious of... that's crazy... but it's so interesting to do self inquiry. Sex is a need... untill it isn't (or feel like a need, util it doesn't anymore). I feel that I need to experiment before transcending it, and that's what I'm gonna do. Thanks so much to you guys, and to this forum, it's making me self actualizing even more

@Saitama ... The results of the studies are very often manipulated by the laboratories in today's world. The big farmaceutical companies are actually financing the studies, and as long as they pay, they obtain the results they want to obtain. A lot of manipulations are going on. Don't belive those studies, that's stories in your mind, fake stories moreover, that's not even a scientific truth... If yo really do a lot of researchs, you are gonna see that the roots of cancer (prostate and all the other ones, and all diseases in general) are rooted in EMOTIONS and NUTRITION. If your act of masturbating is just rooted in this fear of getting prostate cancer, you are mistaken. It you do it in order to me more relaxed, that's already better. Even if one day you get a cancer, you can leanr that cancer can be healed very well, thanks to a work on your emotions and your nutrition. I've worked with Josep Pamies in spain (He was my internship supervisor, it was so fun and interesting ^^), in the field of medicinal plants and alternative therapies... I've learned that the alternatives therapies are very ofter much more effective than the drugs you can buy from the conventional medicine.... I I've also learned that you couldn't trust those big farmaceutical laboratories, because they are just companies, they need to make money, life doesn't really matter for them... They wants ill peoples, alive, but addicted to those expensive drugs. We had some visitors and customers who had prostate cancer. There is a very very effective plant for that : Lepidium Latifolium. We had a lot of testimonies from peoples the we knew, who healed themeselves from prostate cancer thanks to an apropriate alimentation and this plant. Keep in mind that all what I'm saying to you are just stories in the end (even if it could be considered a better than the old paradigm, those are stories in the end), related to our human condition, and the world as we know it today, the ultimate truth is way beyond, and none of what I said is relevant with an enlightened perspective. @Saitama Follow the flow, and let you guided by your life... You are still virgin, and if you do a real deep instrospection, you might see that you want to have experiences... Don't reject this part of your life just because of enlightenment... an enlightend being can still have sex I guess, if his life is leading him toward sex. Now, if you really that you don't need it, well find. Listen to you, do what you feel is the most right for you, but always keeping in mind enlightenement and the discovery of ultimate truth.

It might be... it's simple : the whole

Oh yeah, at first, I had the same feeling as you @Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj , but after reading a couple of topics, and getting involver in some of them, I really understand that this forum was pure gold for me. It's helping me so much ^^ . Interacting with others is like a mirror, I can see more clearly who I am, who I behabe, what are my beliefs, and everything. I'm questionning myself more than I ever did before. Thanks you so much Leo, Thanks you so much the moderatord, and thanks you so much to all the peoples present on the forum

@An actualizer And the morning, you can take cold showers, that do help a lot to overcome your limits.

@An actualizer I can't know exactly what could help you the most, I can only share my experience with you, and it might inspire you... I think and I hope it will help you What helped me is watching "pick-up communities videos", or "pranks videos". Until one year ago, I couldn't talk to girls in the street, and if I was attracted to a girl, I would just be full of fear and wouldn't do anything. A really became aware of this fear and decided to change that and to overcome the fear. I watched hours and hours of funny pranks videos and pick-up communities videos, that teached me a lot. In one of the video, one guy was saying that you couldn't overcome definitively the fear in just one day, and if you really want to overcome the fear, you have to work on it every single day (just a little bit, but every sigle day, regularity is the key). So I did, I decided to go out every single day, during 30 days, and to talk to groups of beautiful girls... Every single day of those 30 days, I was going out one hour, on the beach (it was summer, with a lot of tourists), or on the streets, sometimes during the day, sometimes during the evening. It was very interesting for me. The first 4-5 days have been difficult, and the fear was very present; but after 5 days, the fear started to become smaller and smaller and smaller. The 30th day, I was able to talk to anybody, groups of attractive girls and everything, with a fear so small I almost couldn't notice it ^^ I stopped doing that, but Having this regularity during 30 days teached me to really overcome the fear, and now, If I see a girl very attractive, I can go and talk to her without fear. I can also go and talk pointless stories to strangers, being ridiculous, that doesn't matter in the end, opinions of others are just little segments of other people imagination, taht's nothing, just an illusion. Look at those videos, and watch more of those videos might inspire... tou might commit to go out there and overcome your fear... Don't forget, time is necessary, reularity is an important key. Now, stop finding excuses like "I can't do that because...", or "well, in the city I live in, people judge too much" or stuff like that... I'm sure you can improuve. That did work for me, I watched hundreds of those funny videos, and decided to go outside, and be ridiculous in front of girls and peoples, during those 30 days. Don't pay anything to them (simple pick-up is selling a "course" but you can learn as much from simply by watching their free videos). And remember, pick-up is really interesting for you to overcome your fears of the opinions of others, and maybe find a girlfriend, but you shouldn't use it just in order to fulfill your sexual desires. You should watch again this video of leo as well : Be confident, you are capable of everything, you are a great human being, and have great capabilities you aren't even aware of

Hey everybody Every time I meditate, or do self inquiry, it works pretty well... but I just can't let go of everything, of every single belief, of every single conception and idea... I've got too many attachements, desires, habits and everything. I feel like in order to transcend myself, and to really see the truth in front of me, I have to do a silent retreat during 10 days or so. I heared about vipassana meditations, and I looked for meditation centers. I found one in the UK, it looked very interesting, but they only had disponibilities for this summer. As I was thonking about it, I told myself : What do I really want to do, and do I really need to go in a center for that ? In the end, I want to meditate during 10 days or so, but I feel like it will be better if I do that alone. I already read a couple of book about spiritual enlightenment (the most recomended from leo's list), and I feel that I'm advanced enough to do that alone. Well, the idea would be to go in a forest or somewhere where I wouldn't bother anybody, to plant a tent, to bring water for the 10 days (I would like to waterfast while doing it, in order for me to transcend the necessity of food during those days), and to meditate alone there. I would also bring papers and pens, in order for me to keep a journal, and to express the way i really feel, 100% honestly, on the paper (writing does help me a lot with introspection). I remember the stroy of siddhartha, and he did a similar practice with a group of people, staying in the forest, fasting and meditating. I feel that this will help me a lot to forget everything i belive about me and the world, and maybe to discover the truth that is always in front of us. Well... What do you guys think about this idea ? Did someone tried that kind of "alone retreat" ? Any advice you would have ? Is fasting a really good idea during a meditation retreat ?

Thanks a lot for your answers. @ayokolomo You are right... But I think that the teachings of the 10/15 most recomended books about enlightenment from leo's list is completly sufficient. I'm reading them, and I have a lot of insights. I feel that being in interaction with other students between each meditation is going to distract me from the truth. You might be right, I think I just have to try both a silent retreat alone and one with a group in order to really now what is the most effective for me. You experience is very interesting @Eastbranch . I can deal with fear, and I do love fear actually, because I di overcame a couple of intense fears already, and that did helped me a lot. When I feel fear, I'm able to look through it, and to overcome it. feat can be a great object of meditation, a very interesting one. We don't have any desert in France, I would have to go to morroco but it seems great to do that in the desert, it must be very still The first time, I'm going to do this retreat alone in a rented cabin, in the countryside. Well, the truth is that I hadn't cleard up my mind yet, I might do one with a group first. I will wait a little bit, and I'm gonna see what kind of opportunities are offered to me.